Teenagers

Elaine - posted on 05/29/2010 ( 10 moms have responded )

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i have a 15 yr old daughter and 13 year old son. my daughter is testing the boundries, and my patience for the last while. I try to be cosistant and keep to the family rules but she keeps pushing them away saying "she can do what she wants" and she does! shw refuses to clean her room" i like it that way. how do i get through to her and let her know that the rules are there for a reason and not to ruin her life as she believes. how do i stop my son from following her lead.

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Candace - posted on 06/12/2010

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aww the alien stage! Same ship got yours too?! Looks like yours talks like yours but all of a sudden all the rules and guidance has gone out the door. My daughter was the worst, I thought! I have 3 sons too! My daughter put me through alot though. Don't sweat the small stuff like her room. Let her live in the filth! Take away her favorites though when she doesnt do her homework or disobeys curfew and or sneaks things. Itook my daughters makeup away and her favorite clothes. Did not let her talk on the phone but for an hour if she was grounded and listen to every word she said. I sat right there. If her school work suffers ...go sit in on a class with her. Embarassment sometimes causes children to listen after all is said and done. I also made her bring me progress reports from her teachers if she wanted to do anything on the weekend. If she was'nt doing well she did'nt go. If she cleaned her room she could have someone over but they had to hang at home. Take but give back when they cooperate with you. Let them choose the consequences too. Mouthy.....act as though she did'nt say anything. I know it is harder then said but if you react they will keep doing it! Tell her to go to her room and when she can speak correctly to you ...you will talk to her. Good luck and I am so glad I survived the teen years! lol

Mary - posted on 06/10/2010

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I have a 15,5 girl. Can really relate to the room. We've tried many thing. One of the best was when shee got a complete rroom makeover with the help of her older sister. They really cleaned out a lot of junk. Painted, rearranged. She really bought into this and now does much better at keeping her room picked up. We just have a once a month check and work together to keep in picked up. I agree with the don't sweat the small stuff and carefully pick the battles. This is a great stress saver for me. We also use a little Jim fay on consenquences. (Within safe boundries) and privilages. She will get tired of staying in the dirty room when she has lost many privilages like phones etc. Good luck not every thing works on every teen. This is my last teen Fortunatly the older brother and sister were good roles for this one and she knows how far she can push..

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Such a hard time teenage years, Im sure this times make a lot of loving couples break up over there kids, only thing I can say dont sweat the small stuff like her room, just shut the door, I only went in there when we were running out of glasses, you couldnt see her floor with all the clothes laying around. Maybe you could try taking her out shopping, movies, or lunch, you just have to be there and try and keep your home rules intact. Hopefully your son can see how she upsets you with her behavior, that he wont do what she is doing just keep talking to him, good luck

Maria - posted on 06/02/2010

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My 18-yr-old is the same way. He decided that all this time he's been good, so now that he's 18, he can do basically whatever he wants, and knows how to push my buttons. So, since my hubby is more laid back, I laid it on him instead. Lol... Anyway, he pointed something out to me that really was somewhat an eye opener and that was, my son will try to push my buttons because he knows he can, and will to get a reaction. If I give in, he wins. If you try a different approach, he may think twice. This way, you both win, and you don't stress out. So, while I'm still struggling, I'm continually trying a different approach. Seems to work, though.

Lilianfe - posted on 05/31/2010

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i really can relate your concern..for a got teenagers in my family...being a mother i keep the lights on by apprehending to them that what they're doing to your parents by now is worst may come if they'll just continue their weird doings to their lives whenever you'll be parents then...with Lord's guidance i take patience too...now that we can't just beat them...oh! mommies out there join them...stay cool and happy!!

Erin - posted on 05/30/2010

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ugh- I feel u there.... My daughter is 14, son 12, son 10....and 11 month old too. HANDS ARE FULL.lol. *does she have a cell phone? I am assuming you pay for it, or at least it's under your name?? GONE. driver's license is coming up.... pretty sure YOU need to sign for that.... Car??? not so much....earn it!! Computer time? ah no.... that's how I deal with it- for the most part we keep the peace minus a couple smirks that are to be expected. good luck- and wooooo saaaa

Janet - posted on 05/30/2010

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Since you are a part of this group, I am assuming that you have a wonderful husband. I think this is key. I did not have a wonderful husband with my first child (I didn't have one at all and the father of my daughter was worth less than what you flush down the toilet each day), and she ran all over me. My daughter is now 23 and I'm still having problems with her. I went the "let her make her own choices, guide her, and let her learn" route. It did NOT work at all. She made horrible choices and did the opposite of everything I suggested.

That said, with a great dad, your daughter should have a better chance. Is he actively involved with her discipline? Letting her know what is and what is not acceptable? Setting down boundaries and consistently punishing them when broken?

Also, a GREAT book (and I am being serious) is the Joe Frost Supernanny book. She is amazing.

Stay strong!!!!! I know it's a hard, wild ride!!!

Lynn - posted on 05/30/2010

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The door thing is a great idea.... My mom let me walk all over her when i was younger. And then she tried becoming my friend rather then my mother. Although that may have seemed like a good idea in the beginning, let me tell you, it wasnt. I was drinking by age 13. I was sneaking out of the house by 15. I lived on my own by age 17 and my parents paying rent for me and anything else i needed. I was a spoiled little brat, and i will never let that happen to my son. I didnt learn until about age 19 or 20 that you have to work to get anywhere in life. Because my parents fought about me so much, they divorced when i turned 18.
Put your foot down! Make her earn her privileges. And stay strong.

Elaine - posted on 05/30/2010

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hi Lauren,

thanks a lot for that... paws for thought, ive tried removing things and she gets agressive. but the door thing >>> mmm

Lauren - posted on 05/29/2010

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Well, i dunno if this will help but my mom would make ME take down all my pics off my wall of my friends and take my radio and tv.(of course now every1 has cell phones)..I freaking hate it. And my door came off because privacy is a privlage. I say it worked for me. I had a really bad attitude (like every other teen). Good Luck i know its not easy raising teens.

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