Why does he say "I DONT KNOW" so much?

[deleted account] ( 7 moms have responded )

He is an awesome father and husband lol but this one thing drives me INSANE...
Everything I ask his answer is I DONT KNOW. It doesn't matter what it is. What do you want for dinner? What are we doing today? What time do you need to get up in the morning? Do you need me to get your clothes ready? Do you want to watch a movie? Do we need to pay the electric bill this week? Do you want to go over to (best friends) house and hang out?

I mean everything I ask he says I don't know. It would be fine if he really didn't know. But he just says it because he doesn't want to think about it right that second. (He is usually doing something when I ask) I guess he can't think and do something at the same time.

So I say are you thinking about it?? (lol) Cause you can clearly see that he isn't thinking about it. He is paying attention to something else. Then after a while I'll ask again...and it's the same repeated thing. Until finally I'll just say okay then I'll just make whatever I feel like making for dinner. Or Okay then I'll just make up MY own plans for today and not include what you need to do. Then he will finally say omg, I don't know yet hang on. Then he will finally stop what he is doing and actually think about what he wants.

I just don't understand how simple questions can be such a hassle for him to answer lol.

Does anyone else have this problem?? What do I do just stop asking questions and just read his mind....

It's so bad that when I ask a question, in my mind I'm thinking "hmm I wonder what his answer is going to be, It couldn't possibly be I DONT KNOW"

Please tell me this is a guy thing and other people go threw this to. LOL Im just so annoyed


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Angela - posted on 05/13/2012




I don't think it's a guy thing. Men are supposed to be decisive and women are supposed to be the ones who are unable to make their minds up. But that's just another sexist stereotype.

Making a decision and voicing it - then finding out that you could have opted for something bigger, better or more worthwhile and still got it is what makes men AND women hesitant about giving definite answers.

There are other reasons as well - not every question which gets an "I don't know" response is a question about choices. Sometimes the questioner wants information, or an opinion. Some people would rather stall than give a direct answer or make any kind of statement which makes them vulnerable in some way.

It only takes one or two "loaded" questions from an aggressive questioner who then uses the given response to catch a person out to make anyone really wary of giving a heartfelt answer even when the next questioner is their dearly loved spouse.

And, of course, some people genuinely DON'T KNOW!!

Anastacia - posted on 03/10/2012




I agree with Maria. Sometimes when our husbands are tired they like to unwind. If he is working on something or busy you just have to be more specific on how you ask.

For instance, instead of asking, "What would you like for dinner?" ask, "Would you like _____ or _____ for dinner?"

It's easier to pick between a couple of choices than to choose something out of the blue.

It can be hard for anyone to answer questions that are vague. Such as, "What do you want to do today?" My sweet husband has literally spent hours on a question like that. My husband told me later that a question like that made him feel like he had to come up with something. I found it gave him a lot of relief for me to say, "Hey, what do you think about us taking the kids to the park next Saturday? I can pack a picnic lunch."

Of course that may or may not sound like fun to him but it can sometimes give him ideas.

I hope this helps. I must admit that it is not just a husband thing though. Every once in a while my mind is preoccupied and I don't hear him either or I give him a vague answer. He's sweet about it though and smiles and waits for me to come back to earth and realize I just did it to him. :-)

Maria - posted on 02/14/2012




Lol...I wish I could tell you it's only a guy thing, but believe me, it can go both ways. I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but some individuals, significant others included, when they come home from having a long day, they just want to unwind and not think. That's coming from my husband..lol. It's not that they don't want to talk or think, they need their own quiet time, too. Just like we sometimes do. Sometimes, too, there are also individuals, spouses included, who are uncomfortable talking it out only because they were never raised that way. So prod gently. Get creative, if you have to. I had to write my hubby a letter letting him know how I feel and telling him how much he means to me. It's taken us awhile, but it was worth all the effort to keep the communication lines open.

[deleted account]

Lynn- Yes I do that. I say well it's up to you. But he still takes forever to actually think about it. The thing is, I think he just feels that it's not an important issue when I feel it is important to think about BUT he doesn't get that I need to know our plans way before the time comes so that I can get ready. It's just very frustrating. I really just hoped to hear that other people do this too, because I honestly don't think there is anything I can do lol. I feel like my best option is to just make up his mind for him when he doesn't answer me in time.

Maggie - posted on 12/28/2011




You should make sure you have his full attention before you ask him. If he's doing something else then he's not thinking about what you're asking. You could also rephrase the question as "Start thinking about what you want for dinner" or "Do you think we should go do such-and-such". Then give him a few minutes to change gears. The main thing is to get his attention before you ask, though.

Lynn - posted on 09/24/2011




When he automatically replies with I DONT KNOW do you ever respond with What is it you dont know... Maybe his mind is so full, that he isnt thinking clearly and fully about the question.

No matter what i ask my son or tell my son, he always responded with "huh?" i finally stopped saying it again which made him fully think about what I asked, and then respond. So maybe if he says I dont know, and you reply to your husband "Its up to you" it will make him think about what you just asked, and make a decision.... just an idea.

Lynn - posted on 09/24/2011




Remember ladies to respond to this question in a positive manner. This community was specifically built to boast about our hubbies, not nag. So please all positive responses to this conversation which has been posted.

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