Good days/bad days

Chana - posted on 02/19/2015 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I lost my mom when I was 39 just 2 month after my husband and I got married. It was hard but at the time I never really thought I would have children being that I was 39 going on 40. I missed her and it was hard but after the birth of my girls it just seemed to get harder. They are now 2 and 4 and I love them with every part of my being. They along with my husband are the best thing that ever happened to me. That being said I can't help but feel like I have cheated them out of their grandparents(my dad passed away in 2006). Is this a normal feeling. My parents did so much for siblings(I am the youngest of 5) children, my nieces and nephews, so not having them to do the same for my girls is really heart breaking to me. Sometimes I don't think about it much but other times one of them well do something and I just wish I could call and tell my mom and I can't so then I will start to cry and the girls don't understand why mommy is crying. Don't get me wrong my in-laws are wonderful and I couldn't ask for better but it's not the same.

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Chana - posted on 03/26/2015

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Thank you for the advice. I do have pictures and share them with my girls along with stories. I also share special things with them like making certain foods/cookies that my mom and I used to make together. I include both my parents as much as I can everyday even if it is something as simple as saying "this was grandma's favorite candy" or place to go or whatever it maybe. You are right telling stories does help and it is a good release.
It helps to know that others are going through or have gone through the same thing. My question/concern was more is it normal to have days when things that remind me of my parents don't bother me and days when they do?

Sara - posted on 03/25/2015

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So sorry for your loss. I would recommend some greif counseling, it will help a ton. As with any loss like this there's guilt, but feeling guilty for not having your children sooner is unfair to you, and ultimately to your children from whom you can not hide these emotions. If i were dealing with this i would probably show my children through pictures and stories how wonderful your mom was. Celebrate her life with your children, make a tradition to honor her on her birthday. I do this with my daughter and it gives us both peace..i like to tell my daughter stories about my mother that make me laugh, its an emotional release for me while seeming light and breezy for my little one. Don't feel bad about mourning, it takes everyone a different amount of time to heal. Best of luck :)

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