how did you lose your mother

Melissa - posted on 06/02/2009 ( 61 moms have responded )

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My mother committed suicide when I was 17. That was 12 years ago. I find myself wishing she were available to answer questions and enjoy her grandchildren. I know she would have been a wonderful grandma. Fortunaltey, I am very close with my mother-in-law and can also go to my father's ex-wife for advice. Where do you go for motherly advice?

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Angie - posted on 05/23/2011

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My mom died last wednesday she was 63 she died of a massive heart attack, the same way my dad died 20 years ago he was 48. I would see my mom at least 2 or 3 times a week and we talked on the phone at least everyother day. I saw her on tuesday and I am racking my brain trying to remember if there was anything off about her, if she seemed sick, tired pale out of breath, I don't know. Wednesday morning my sisters were pounding on my door and blowing up my phone, I answered my phone and my sister cried "did you hear about mom?' "She collapsed and the paramedics are working on her" she was crying so I ran downstairs and my other sister was at the door screaming at me to get dressed we needed to drive 30 miles to the hospital in the town she lived in. My mind shut off, literally I couldn't think, my husband had to tell me to get dressed, I asked where my clothes were I just wandered around the house trying to think of what I needed to do. My worst nightmare was for anything to happen to my son, my husband or my mom. As we were driving to the hospital my stepdad called and said they were still working on her and she was still unconcious. It had been about 30 minutes since she had collapsed, and being a nurse I know that the chances or her pulling through were not good. When we made it down there we waited for what seemed like forever till the ER doc came to talk to us, she said that they got a slow heartbeat a few times, but they couldn't keep it. A blood clot had cut off the circulation to her heart, due to plaque buildup that had broken off. Her body formed a clot and it killed her. We got to go in and see her and say our goodbyes, it was awful I never thought I would see my mom like that when I am only 29 years old. My mom loved my son and all her grandchildren so much, all my sisters kids are adults now, but my son is only 16 months. My mom was my best friend and I still cannot believe she is gone. Sorry for the long post, but it feels good to get it out.

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Ana - posted on 07/03/2013

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I'm so sorry for your losses and I can relate, whatever that is worth. My mother severed relations with me two years ago and I haven't heard from my mother or step-father, who raised me from the time I was three, since then, not even to congratulate me on the birth of my daughter. The birth of my daughter is the best thing that has ever happened to me. She is absolutely incredible. But I have felt the loss of my family more deeply since her birth, and sometimes I feel so sad and alone. I helps to know some of you have experienced something similar - moms without moms who are still alive. And, to answer your question, I go online to get motherly advice, mainly, as depressing as that sounds. Thank you for reading and I wish you all the very best.

Rebecca - posted on 11/07/2012

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hi everyone, i lost my mom when i was 11 in 2002 this month will be her 10 yr aniversary. she passed unexpectedly from an asthma attack. im the youngest of 6 and everyone said ill take it the hardest, they were right i tried to be the strong one for my 2 older siblings but it came to a point where everyhting came crashing down, lost our home and everything i worked so hard for. Now post 2 terrible car accidents im so lost without her i dont know what to do ive hit an all time deep depression and she was an awesome mom, but i jus wish she was here to help me and my sister, to guide us. Many times i contiplate suicide to jus be with her cause thats how much i miss her but i cant leave my sister, shes the only one who stayed by myside im just so lost and depressed....

Lara - posted on 10/23/2012

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My mom died in 2010 after a ten year battle with cancer. She was my best friend. I know that sounds corny but I was an only child and we lived on a farm so a great deal of my childhood it was just mom and me. She always had the answers, knew just what to say to make me feel better, and was truly the best mom. I miss her so much. A hundred times a day, something happens and I think how I would love to call and share it with her but I cant. My mother in law is nice enough but after 10 years of marriage, I barely know her. We recently moved to be closer to her but I know no one will ever replace my mom.

Liz - posted on 09/19/2012

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My mom died when i was 7 at the time i was living with my dad and i didn't find out how she died until i was 14. She died of a heroin overdose and for 3 years i just thought she was a selfish junkie that couldn't quit for her only daughter!! I soon found out she was murdered by an ex and he held her down and injected her with a deadly combination of heroin and cocaine. I am still struggling with all of this i am now 21. I recently went to the city this all happened in and drove by the house she OD'd in. I still have so many questions, and i don't understand how someone could take her life because she didn't want to be with him. I would have asked him but he killed himself in jail a few years after this all happened. I am told i am so much like her, i wish she was still here because we'd probably get along so well. I think the saddest part is that i don't really remember her and wish i at least knew if she was a good mom, what her laugh was like, was she a good person, did she care about me as much as i am told she did, or is my family just telling me this because she is gone and it wouldn't be very good to tell me negative things. I am just do full of confusion, questions, and no one left to answer or help me with any of it. I truly feel sorry for everyone who has lost a mother, it is amazing that we can be such good, caring, and kind ones when some of us didn't have the opportunity to be shown how to be a proper mother to our kids.

Jessica - posted on 03/14/2012

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My mom was diagnosed with lung cancer when she was 38 years old and I was 13. They told her she had 3 months to live but she lived almost a year after her diagnosis. She battled cancer until August 23rd, 2006. I was 14 years old and she was 39. There is a lot to it and I know why she gave up the fight. I lived with my aunt for a year afterwards but never got close to her because she wasn't the mothering kind. She more wanted to be my friend when I needed a mother figure. I then moved in with my dad at 15 after never living with him before and seeing him once every three years. At 16 I moved into my daughter's father's parents house by choice. I lived there for a few months and was sent by social services back to live with my aunt. My aunt lives in Illinois and my dad in Colorado. I lived with her for a month before moving in with a few roommates to finish of high school. I graduated early and got pregnant with my daughter shortly before I graduated. I had my daughter at 18. I am now almost 20 and my daughter is almost 2. My dad never married my mom and they separated when I was 3 years old. My dad has been married to my step mom for 9 years. She is entirely too selfish to ever be a mother figure to me or her own kids even.

Claudia - posted on 01/30/2012

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Dear Trisha, I am truly sorry you had to endure this. I thought I had it rough. I could not have survived what you did. You are one heck of a strong and courageous woman. And your kids are adorable.



If I can ever help please feel free to ask. I'm 59 (Just turned 59) and while I'm not a wiz, I've had three sons and the oldest one was a handful. They are now approaching middle age and have turned out to be decent, kind, good human beings.



My second son I carried for 10 months, they had to go in and get him (C-Section) and couldn't find the anesthesiologist and I was in the final stages with difficulty. Long story short, I almost lost my Brian.....we came very close, if I had pushed (and I felt like it) the doctor said both him and I would have died).



Was orphaned at 9 - mentally, physically and sexually abused from 10 onward until I left "home" at 20.



Been married to the same man for 38 years. He is my best friend and the one I go to for advice. His mother, while she was always very nice to me, never accepted me totally as a "daughter".



But again, my mother died peacefully, so compared to you, I have nothing to complain about.



Possibly you may wish to consider therapy if only because having gone through what you have gone through, you probably need to work out some anger.



Although from your post you do sound very nice and having gone through what you did, wow - you are one strong woman.



We had to go through therapy with our oldest son (the son from hell/now okay) for over ten years and if you can find a really good therapist, someone who has actually gone through their own hell vs just some do gooder that got his/her info from a book vs real life experience - you can find it a big help.



We were lucky to find a really good therapist that literally saved my son from destroying his life.



We had to quite Diane C because the Village decided we were no longer within the city boundries.



If I could find her, I would gladly pay full price to go back to her as my second son, while not destroying himself has never recovered from the oldest son's teen years. Long story, very difficult son the first one.



The youngest is high functioning, very intelligent autistic.



Anyway. If I can ever help or you need someone to bounce ideas off, let me know.



I'm a pretty good cook, have a lot of good recipes.



Try to read and watch positive stuff.....so much TV, movies and books are dark and sad now.



You possibly need to concentrate on just enjoying your children and giving them as normal and happy a childhood as you can.



Never had a father that would claim me, he was married to another woman. I was the product of a love affair so essentially I too was orphaned.



Again, wish I could say something to help you. Will keep you, your mother and children in my prayers.



That which doesn't kill you makes you stronger they say.....and you sound like Lt. Ripley in Aliens, a woman that could endure anything. I mean that as a real compliment.

Claudia - posted on 01/30/2012

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Dear Trisha, I am truly sorry you had to endure this. I thought I had it rough. I could not have survived what you did. You are one heck of a strong and courageous woman. And your kids are adorable.



If I can ever help please feel free to ask. I'm 59 (Just turned 59) and while I'm not a wiz, I've had three sons and the oldest one was a handful. They are now approaching middle age and have turned out to be decent, kind, good human beings.



My second son I carried for 10 months, they had to go in and get him (C-Section) and couldn't find the anesthesiologist and I was in the final stages with difficulty. Long story short, I almost lost my Brian.....we came very close, if I had pushed (and I felt like it) the doctor said both him and I would have died).



Was orphaned at 9 - mentally, physically and sexually abused from 10 onward until I left "home" at 20.



Been married to the same man for 38 years. He is my best friend and the one I go to for advice. His mother, while she was always very nice to me, never accepted me totally as a "daughter".



But again, my mother died peacefully, so compared to you, I have nothing to complain about.



Possibly you may wish to consider therapy if only because having gone through what you have gone through, you probably need to work out some anger.



Although from your post you do sound very nice and having gone through what you did, wow - you are one strong woman.



We had to go through therapy with our oldest son (the son from hell/now okay) for over ten years and if you can find a really good therapist, someone who has actually gone through their own hell vs just some do gooder that got his/her info from a book vs real life experience - you can find it a big help.



We were lucky to find a really good therapist that literally saved my son from destroying his life.



We had to quite Diane C because the Village decided we were no longer within the city boundries.



If I could find her, I would gladly pay full price to go back to her as my second son, while not destroying himself has never recovered from the oldest son's teen years. Long story, very difficult son the first one.



The youngest is high functioning, very intelligent autistic.



Anyway. If I can ever help or you need someone to bounce ideas off, let me know.



I'm a pretty good cook, have a lot of good recipes.



Try to read and watch positive stuff.....so much TV, movies and books are dark and sad now.



You possibly need to concentrate on just enjoying your children and giving them as normal and happy a childhood as you can.



Never had a father that would claim me, he was married to another woman. I was the product of a love affair so essentially I too was orphaned.



Again, wish I could say something to help you. Will keep you, your mother and children in my prayers.



That which doesn't kill you makes you stronger they say.....and you sound like Lt. Ripley in Aliens, a woman that could endure anything. I mean that as a real compliment.

Claudia - posted on 01/30/2012

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I lost my mother at 9 to lung cancer and my father never admitted to being my father publically because I was the product of a love affair. :( and BTW my parents were very nice, sweet, not wild people)



My mother in law, while she was nice and civil to me, never fully accepted me as a daughter.



My older sister who I lived with after my mother died (she has now passed on) never really wanted a close relationship with me.



So since 9, I've never had a mother or mother figure. The closest I came to a real mother figure was a nurse named Alice Bush in Missouri...........she will never know how important in my life she was. While I was a CNA she was the floor nurse and took me under her wing.



I am sorry your mother committed suicide. My husband's nephew committed suicide when he was 19 and it affected all of us extensively.



My heart goes out to you because the survivors of a suicide victim, particularly a mother must take a lot of courage to endure.



You are lucky to have a mother and father in law that you can go to. Treasure them dearly for you are indeed lucky.



I believe we are eternal and do not believe that people who commit suicide go to hell. Of all people, I believe they just simply had too much on their plate and most people don't understand or sympathize. I don't know what to say to comfort you on that.



Personally I believe in reincarnation, the soul or life force is eternal.



I love this poem by Mary Fry and hope it comforts you.



Do not stand at my grave and weep

I am not there. I do not sleep

I am a thousand winds that blow

I am the diamond glints on snow

I am the sunlight on ripened grain

I am the gentle autumn rain.



When you awaken

in the morning's hush,

I am the swift uplifting rush

of quiet birds in circled flight

I am the soft stars that shine at night.



Do not stand at my grave and cry,

I am not there. I did not die. -- Mary Elizabeth Frye



Who do I go to? My closest and dearest friend is my husband of 38 years.



I also have had a couple girlfriends who I would go to but they have both passed away recently.



I miss my mother and as of February 23, 2012 - she will have been dead 50 years.



She never got to see her grandchildren (3 boys that are now men approaching middle age) nor her beautiful grand daughter who is 10 and becoming a young lady.

Sharlene - posted on 01/25/2012

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I lost my mum from Ovarian cancer undigoised , I found discovered her body in her room . And now it being 20 months and Im still crying myself to sleep evey night ,She was my mum and my best friend I know she talks to me in my deams I can feel it ,Love you mum xxxxx

Ashley - posted on 11/18/2011

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My mother went in to the doctors for what she thought were flu symptoms in 2006. The doctor told her that she had Bronchitis months went by and she wasn't getting any better. So she went back in to the doctor but this time she went to a different doctor. They did chest X-rays and ended up telling my mom that she had lung cancer. She was diagnosed with Lung and Breast cancer a few months after my great grandmother died from cancer. She battled cancer for 2 years. She went in to get surgery to remove some of the tumor and the doctor came to the waiting room where my family and i sat and told my aunt that the cancer had spread. She went for chemo and radiation for a few months and was in and out of the hospital alot. She went to talk to the her doctor and the doctor told her that the cancer had spread to her brain and that the chemo and radiation weren't touching it and that he didn't know how much longer she had to live. She was on full time oxygen and she passed away October 2008. I was nine months pregnant with my first child and he was born by emergency c-section 2 weeks after her death. I miss her alot i now have 2 children i have my son who is 3 and i have a daughter who is 1 1/2years old. My daughter looks alot like her. I don't really have any one to go to for advice.

Emma - posted on 08/17/2011

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My mother died when I was 4 from cervical cancer, my father never remarried and I'm not close to my partners mother. I don't have anyone motherly to turn to, which really sucks cause it would be nice to have someone to turn to now that I have my own child.

Amanda - posted on 03/23/2011

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My mom died of cancer when I was 25. She had gotten it 2 years prior to her passing and it moved into her lungs and into her brain.

She passed away before I even started dating my husband and long before my daughter was born. I miss her so much sometimes.

My dad is remarried and I'm rather fond of his wife, and she is a great grandmother to Emily.

Liz - posted on 03/23/2011

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My mom passed away when i was 7 years old from a heroin overdose. I think that the thing that hurts the most about it is that it could have been prevented. I mean if you see someone getting eaten away by this devil drug wouldn't you do everything in your power to help them.. i feel like my family just thought she'd get out on her own. I wish she was there for EVERYTHING a mother should be there for. I made some terrible choices in my life and i think if i had her there to tell me right from wrong i would have been alot better off. I guess you live and learn. I wish she could have met her beautiful grand daughter. I also wish i could have had more memories with her. I was so young that i didn't get the chance to get to know her at all, which hurts alot. honestly i get motherly advice from the computer, friends, and my fiance's family is very helpful aswell. Sorry for the ramble.

Liz - posted on 03/23/2011

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My mom passed away when i was 7 years old from a heroin overdose. I think that the thing that hurts the most about it is that it could have been prevented. I mean if you see someone getting eaten away by this devil drug wouldn't you do everything in your power to help them.. i feel like my family just thought she'd get out on her own. I wish she was there for EVERYTHING a mother should be there for. I made some terrible choices in my life and i think if i had her there to tell me right from wrong i would have been alot better off. I guess you live and learn. I wish she could have met her beautiful grand daughter. I also wish i could have had more memories with her. I was so young that i didn't get the chance to get to know her at all, which hurts alot. honestly i get motherly advice from the computer, friends, and my fiance's family is very helpful aswell. Sorry for the ramble.

Erin - posted on 09/09/2010

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My mother died in a car accident on june 15, 2008. It was fathers day and my parents had gone out to dinner. On the way home it had down poured bad enough that they went off of the road and flipped. I am lucky that my dad survived. I miss her so much. I wish she were here to see the 3 of us girls get married, and have families. I hate it that my son will never know her.
For motherly advice I go to my MIL. We never really got a long until my son was born, but ever since she has been there for us in so many ways. She had also lost her mother when she was about my age so she knows what I am going through. My son is her 3rd grandchild and at first my husband and I weren't going to have anyone in the delivery room. But we asked her to come in and that way she has been there for all 3 of her grandchildrens births.
I also have my grand mother, and a few aunts that have been there when I needed them. Even my moms brother has given some advise. I am blessed to have such a big, loving family.

Abigail - posted on 09/03/2010

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I lost my mom because of cervical cancer in 2006. It was really hard going through that. I met my husband in 2008 and in 2009 we had our first daughter. Going through my pregnancy and after I was abel to count on Kim, a family friend and Tina, my mother in law. I had other friends for support too, but Kim was the main one because at the time I was over seas and she was right there with me and my husband. My mom is gone but I was blessed with good friends.

Lynne - posted on 08/13/2010

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My mother passed away just after my 14th birthday. At the time I was told and read on the death certificate that she died of a heart attack secondary to an asthma attack...just found out a couple weeks ago that she had CHF. But being she never saw a primary physician, ER doctor just went by what my dad told him and that was that she had asthma. It was a very quick death and unexpected as well. I was on my 8th grade trip to Washing DC when she died, never got to say good bye :(

Michelle - posted on 07/05/2010

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My mother died Sept 1 of last year 26 days before having my first son an her first grandchild. She died from Pancriatic Cancer a battle she faced for 3 months before it ended her life. My mother in law is persian an I have yet to learn farsi an with her being in iran its pretty difficult. So usueally I go to my bestfriend Kim. She is older an wiser an always consoles me.

Sharon - posted on 06/10/2010

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I dont have anywhere to really go...I literally have been "winging it" for 13 years!! My mother walked out on me when i was about 3 years old, i actually rememebr the day very well. My dad had remarried when I was five b/c but my step-mother didnt really take to me b/c after they were married about a year she got pregnant and that was the end of that. It still hurts after all these years being with her and actually not feeling "loved" in a way a mom should. My dad and Step-mother divorced about 2 yrs ago and now she wants a realtionship...its crazy. when i had all of my daughters she wasnt there. well neither of them actually ..my birth mom or my step mom. Its hard some days b/c i dont have that support and some days i really wish i did

Tiffany - posted on 06/10/2010

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I lost my mom on Dec.14,1999 @ 11 am due to her having a grand mal seizure while driving (blunt force trauma) on Garland Rd.. I can remember this day as if it was yesterday. My daddy couldn't cope with losing her.He picked up a drinking habit..They'd been married for 21 yrs.Which made me feel as if I had the world on my shoulders.Not only did I need to care for my brother and dad but I still needed to make it to the end of my senior yr of high school.I miss her so much.My younger brother (@the time was 10yrs old) was with her ,blames himself for her death.She was taking him to the doctor for his seizures..My brother also suffered serious life threatening injuries and in result he wasn't released from the hospital until May 21,2000.That was the day of my graduation.,

Krystine - posted on 05/27/2010

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I lost my mom Dec 21 2007 from recurring ovarian cancer. She fought and beat cervical cancer years earlier and then beat the ovarian cancer once. Unfortunately the cancer was very aggressive and although she was a very strong woman, she lost her battle. I was then in the process of planning my wedding. My daughter was born 2 years to the day after my mom's passing. It has been really hard not having her to talk to about parenting. I do talk to my Gramma on occasion, but things have changed ALOT since she had kids. My mother-in-law has been wonderful as well, even though she lives quite far away. I am still grieving over the loss of my mom and I only wish she could have met her granddaughter. I know she would have been proud.

Emily - posted on 05/26/2010

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I lost my mom to lung cancer last October. I was 3 months pregnant when she passed. She got diagnosed around a year and a half before she passed. There are so many things I want to ask her! I just want to talk to her! However, I do have a great mother in law, and great support from friends and family! My daughter was born in Feb and she is our little miracle. She came three months early and is such a fighter!

Natasha - posted on 05/10/2010

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My mom is still alive... she left me and my siblings for her drugs when i was 14

Kasey - posted on 05/09/2010

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My mom had a 9 year battle with colon cancer. It hasnt even been a year since she died. I really dont have anyone I can go to for motherly advice. I dont really have family, just really good friends...

[deleted account]

I found my mother dead when I was ten. She had swallowed her tounge after or during a seizure. It was Feb 6 1999. I miss her so much and wish I she was here now to see my little boy.

Bree - posted on 03/31/2010

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Wow dat was alot for a 17 yr old to endure..i lost my mom when i was 19.. i came home to find her in her room motionless.. And i was goin to leave my son in da bed sleep dat day, im thankin God i took him with me.. because i didnt make it back home for several hours and i had no idea how long she had been there.. Motherly advice? I had to go to a couple of differnt places, but nothin like my moms advice..she kept it real...

Chey - posted on 03/19/2010

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Hi everyone...I am new to this circle but unfortunately I know what you all are going through. My mother will be gone 3 yrs this June and even now its seems like a dream to say that. In October of 2006 she went to the Dr's for a cough...they put her on an antibiotic for pneumonia. She wasn't getting better so they switched the antibiotic and still had not taken x rays but were saying it was pneumonia. She went back to the Dr's telling them that she was tired all then time and was weak....They again told her it was from the chest cold switched her antibiotic again...In April of 2007 they finally did x rays and found a tumor pushing on her windpipe and a tumor that took up her lower left lung and multiple tumors in her right lung...They did biopsies at the the beginning of May. We found out on May 15th 2007 that my mom had a week to a month to live....On June 18th 2007 my mother who was a mother of 8 children and 5 grandsons past away. I had three children and my sister and brother each had 1 also. Her youngest daughter was due that November. My moms youngest son was 16 yrs old. I was the only child that she seen graduate from high school and get married. I miss my mom everyday. My youngest started school this year and after I put him on the bus I cried so hard. She was my best friend and has missed alot these last three years. My two younger brothers graduated high school and two of my sisters have had another baby. I know that she is watching over us all and she is very proud of the wonderful children who she instilled her morals and values on. I have a wonderful husband and a very awesome in law family as well as an awesome set of friends who have helped me with everything we have been through. I am very sorry to all that have lost ur moms....it is something that you never stop grieving about....cuz with every new stage in your child's life you are gonna wish she were here.

Alicia - posted on 03/02/2010

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My mom died on May 15, 1999 from a large brain tumor. I was 19 at the time. She only ever got to see and hold one of her grandchildren. Since then she has had 7 more grandchildren born (4 of which are my children). She would have been so in love with each and everyone of them. My youngest is the only girl in the family. We named her Jessa Clara Rose after my mother, Clara. I never got the chance to ask her any questions about pregnancy, delivery, potty training, etc. I still miss her and love her so much.

I used to go to my mother-in-law for advice, but she died on September 21, 2006 from several small brain tumors. She only ever got to see her 3 grandsons. She was a wonderful Grandmother. Those boys were her whole world! She never got to meet her granddaughter because she passed away 4 months before our daughter was born.

Since then my husband and I haven't had anyone to help out or get advice from. We lean on each other for everything. My husband's only sister is expecting her first baby this spring. Because she doesn't have her mother I've become her "go-to" person when she has questions about her pregnancy. She calls me her "serogate mom". I try to remember things that her mom had told me about when she was expecting her kids.

It is never easy to lose some one who's so important to you. Your love for them will never go away and the pain of missing them gets a little easier as time goes by. My heart goes out to everyone who has lost their mother no matter how it happened. We may have all lost our mothers in different ways, but we each know a little of what the other is going through.

Madeeha - posted on 03/01/2010

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My mom died of brain cancer when I was almost 6-years-old on 26 September,1986. It's been so many years that I hardly remember her. What I have of her is only her pictures and her diaries which she wrote for her children when she knew she was going to die. I would sometimes go through them. I do wish that my children had their grandmother but more so that I had my mother when I was growing up and when I needed her the most. All of us know how hard it is without our mothers.

User - posted on 02/25/2010

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I'm so sorry to hear all your stories, my mom is still alive. She is severely mentally ill. Her 1st breakdown was when I was 12. She was put in a mental institution for awhile & I went into foster care (my siblings were older). I came back to live with her when I was 16 after she begged me to. I found out that she needed a driver (since she couldn't). She kicked me out after I graduated High School. I put myself through college & have a great life/hub/career & 5 children. Since I left she has been institutionalized several times (had a brother who she sent to live with my oldest sister). She has ruined or damaged many lives. Now, she obsesses that my younger brother (who is fine & has a longterm job & his own place) is being forced into a prostitution ring. I ran into her at a store the other day & said hi (almost didn't recognize her). I tried to show her pictures of my 3 youngest (1 of whom she has never met, one of whom she saw once). She scrolled through them to see if I had any pictures of my brother. When I asked if she was taking meds, not to worry about my brother, she got angry & walked away talking to herself. Now when I see her she refuses to talk to me (which she has done over & over with all of my sisters & I). We just want to get her into a nursing home & medicated so that we could have a relationship with her. Anyway, I NEVER share this with people since my siblings & I are "normal/successful" people. I just don't know why loving moms are lost & moms that damage other people stay. Anyway, sorry for your losses.

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My mother was diagnosed with cancer and ascites when I was 4 months pregnant with my firstborn last year. Xavier was born at 36 weeks as I had gone into labour sooner than expected. My mother came to visit me and see the baby two weeks after the birth. My father and husband had to carry my mother up the stairs to the apartment as she couldn't breathe, the ascites liquids were taking over her lungs. She passed away one week later. I believe that she decided to give up fighting for her life after she saw my baby. Her body just couldn't take it any longer and she gave up. Be warned about ascites, lots of people are made to believe that their family members died of cancer but in fact it could have been from ascites. Do your research! Find a trusting doctor who would tell you the truth.

I am really sorry to hear from all you other ladies as well. It is difficult to raise a child without having a mother yourself.

Angie - posted on 02/21/2010

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i lost my mom my best friend August 12 2008 last time i talked to her was aug 11 at 3 in the afternoon just a normal mom and daughter conversation and at the end i said i love you mom she said love you to angie she died unexpectidly i say as a result of many years of smoking and bad eating habits she had a heart attack 2 years before her death im still in shock but i just pretend in some part of my head that she is still alive.i have 8 children and my mom was there for almost all of there births i just gave birth to twins god my mom would have loved that birth i find it hard to think about her .its nice to find this group if any one needs a understanding shoulder maby ill be able to help as long as it dont have to do with spelling lol have a good night.

ALEXIA - posted on 02/16/2010

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I am so sorry to hear about all your moms..Its way too bad they cant be here but good luck and keep being the best moms you can be! I am 23 years old with 2 beautiful children. I lost my mom when I was 9 years old to liver failure:( I met my dad when i was 18 so it was hard. i now have a step mom but she has no children so its usually me telling her about baby and kid stuff.

[deleted account]

My mother died of a brain tumor on the 22nd of october 2007, a month after my daughter was born. Her great wish was to be able to meet my children.
When my mother was diagnosed in november 2006, we started to try for a baby, luckily we only had to try once! When I was in labour, my mother had a severe seizure and was rushed to the hospital where I was ging birth. When she finally got to hold my daughter she wasn't able to talk, keep her eyes open or react at all. The next day she recovered, but went downhill again and was only able to hold my daughter and hum songs for her. Me, my daughte husband and father were with her when my mother died.
She did not get to meet my son who was born 11 weeks ago.

Angie - posted on 01/20/2010

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my mom died may 2000 of her second battle with cancer. i miss her very much and i have no one to talk to that i am close with. i miss her all the time but more so when really bad things happen like when we found out my youngest daughter had angelman's syndrome or like last sat when my youngest had a seizure. it sucks cuz your mom just knows the right things to say and at the right time too. whenever i have tried talkin to my dad he doesnt get it

Joanna - posted on 01/13/2010

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Wow, Melissa, that's rough...I'm so sorry for your loss. My mother died on July 10, 1997. I was 26 years old, and it was a quick, unexpected death. We all have congenital heart defects (she had mitral-valve prolapse, I have aortic sclerosis), and she didn't take her amoxicillan before going to the dentist. She died from bacterial endocarditis two weeks after her dentist appt. She lived in Texas and we live in Florida, so when we got the call that it was more than just a "bug", we flew to Texas just in time to see her before she went into cardiac arrest. They couldn't save her, and it was one of the worst days of my life. My brother was with me, and we are extremely close (we were roommates at the time). He has since moved away, and I have married and we have a little boy (14 months). I really have no one to go to with advice. My mom was nurse, and she knew the answer to everything...ha ha. It sure seemed that way. As my son grows, I want him to know who that his grandmother was a kind, compassionate woman we lost too soon. My father remarried in 2000, but his current wife is very brusque and not warm at all. I'm confused by their marriage, actually. But that's another story. I have a wonderful mother-in-law who lives in NC, but my husbands parents are a lot older than mine are, so her advice is a little dated. I appreciate it, none-the-less. I appreciate any advice, as my husband and I are often stumped by the issue that arise with a little one. I miss my mom all the time, even though it's been more than ten years since she passed.

Andrea - posted on 12/31/2009

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Hi everyone, Well, my mother was diagnosed with cancer 3 times she beat it twice. I had a 2 year old and a 9 month old at the time she passed. She had a feeding tube and a trach. it was very hard to see her that way, and I still feel like she did it to herself. You see the 1st cacner was a spot on her lip, the 2nd was a spot in the back of her mouth and the 3rd was in her throat. She smoked for 20 years, trying to quit often, but only succeeded after it was too late. I sometimes feel angry with her for doing something that she knew was killing her, but... She was in the hopsital along with my grandfather, he died right after thanksgiving and she died dec. 28 2002, since it was during the holidays we had to wait to bury her until Jan. 3, 2003. I now have two step children and a new baby that was born this year, it is so hard not to have her here. She was a great mother and my best friend. She had 3 sisters and they make sure that my kids know about her and they are great, they are who I go to for advice, they are great.

Melissa - posted on 12/20/2009

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Quoting mary:

yes melissa it must be very very hard for you my heart goes out to you i am happy that you are close to your mum in law>and to your dads ex wife . i have three grown up children with little ones of there own and 6 grandchildren i look after the 6 month baby 4 days aweek and just love it and i would just love to be your mum or friend can we please keep in tuch i am 58 years old live in ozzie land my name is mary pearce but it comes under my hubbys name . do hope you get back to me merry christmas you are doing a great job . love mary pearce xxxxxxx



Thanks Mary!!! I live in the states.   Your children are fortunate to have such a compassionate mom.  I am sure my mom would look after my kids if she were here too.  I find that having this community is a help just knowing that I am not the only one facing these things.  Thank you for your kind words and I hope you and your family have a wonderful Christmas too!



Melissa

Mary - posted on 12/20/2009

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yes melissa it must be very very hard for you my heart goes out to you i am happy that you are close to your mum in law>and to your dads ex wife . i have three grown up children with little ones of there own and 6 grandchildren i look after the 6 month baby 4 days aweek and just love it and i would just love to be your mum or friend can we please keep in tuch i am 58 years old live in ozzie land my name is mary pearce but it comes under my hubbys name . do hope you get back to me merry christmas you are doing a great job . love mary pearce xxxxxxx

Mary - posted on 12/20/2009

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Quoting mary:



Quoting Melissa:

how did you lose your mother

My mother committed suicide when I was 17. That was 12 years ago. I find myself wishing she were available to answer questions and enjoy her grandchildren. I know she would have been a wonderful grandma. Fortunaltey, I am very close with my mother-in-law and can also go to my father's ex-wife for advice. Where do you go for motherly advice?





 





 

Mary - posted on 12/20/2009

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Quoting Melissa:

how did you lose your mother

My mother committed suicide when I was 17. That was 12 years ago. I find myself wishing she were available to answer questions and enjoy her grandchildren. I know she would have been a wonderful grandma. Fortunaltey, I am very close with my mother-in-law and can also go to my father's ex-wife for advice. Where do you go for motherly advice?


 

Ashley - posted on 12/17/2009

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my mom comitted suicide when i was 2 1/2... she was 6 months pregnant and jumped off a local bridge where i live. i am now almost 22 years old and just had a baby sept 5 2009. i really wish she would have made a different decision in life.

Melissa - posted on 12/11/2009

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Beth, you are absolutely right! you guys will be fine!! I am sorry you don't have family to turn to, but it sounds like you have an amazing family with the 4 of you. After all, that is what matters most! I am so sorry for your losses. I too wish my mother could have met her my daughters, but I know she is watching over us and guarding us. I just explain to my 4 year old, who had become very interested in her lately, that she is an angel and loves her very much. I know that a piece of my mom lives on in my girls. Sounds like you are doing a great job. I hope you have a wonderful holiday season!
Melissa

Beth - posted on 11/19/2009

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hello, new here.. i lost my mother when i was 10...37 yrs ago... i grew up with out a mother.. so wish she could have seen my kids... she drowned in a friends pool one night..... i have so wished so many times she was here to help and guide me.....grew up with my father and lost him 3 yrs ago , very unexpected.. i can truly say he was my best friend..we really understood each other and came to depend on each other. i have 2 boys ages 7/12..at least they got to know their "gran". he so loved my boys... he was just amazed at them.
as far as raising my boys me and hubby have doen it alone... oldest is special with severe cleft.... amazing young man he is, so proud of how far he has overcome his obstacles with this. both of my boys really watch out for me.. such lil men they have become..so very proud of them.... i find myself going to internet for any information i may need...as family is just not here for us..... but we will be just fine...me , my husband and my 2 great lil men.....

Amy - posted on 11/16/2009

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Wow it is nice to know that there are other moms who miss their moms! I am TRULY sorry to each and everyone of you. I lost my mother almost 7 years ago from complications due to diabetes.She went into the hospital on Thanksgiving and never came home. She was in a coma by Christmas. We took her off the ventilator on New Years Eve and she passed away on Jan. 2 2002. Needless to say the holidays are hard for me.I was very close to my mother! I found out I was pregnant with my second child exactly a week after she passed. I now have three children and miss her everyday! I hurts me to think about how my kids will never get the chance to know how special a woman she was for themselves. I never had a father so she was my world! She raised 5 kids all by herself and made sure we never did without! I think about her alot now since it is the holidays and everytime I am proud of my babies I wanna call her!

SHARI - posted on 11/12/2009

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WOW! WELL MY MOM DIED WHEN I WAS 5YRS FROM A BRAIN ANURSYM. I WAS RAISED BY HER MOM UNTIL I TURNED 16 SINCE THEN I HAVE BEEN ON MY OWN I DON'T KNOW MUCH ABOUT MY MOM EXCEPT THAT SHE LOVED RICE AND BREAD. I ALSO LOST MY DAD WHEN I WAS 15YRS OLD.

Melissa - posted on 10/28/2009

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Lori,

How tragic! I am so sorry you had to go through that. I can't even begin to imagine what that must have been like. At least he is finally seriving his time. I am glad you have your gramma to go to for help. It is so important to have a support system. Best of luck to you..

Melissa

Lori - posted on 10/27/2009

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Hi

my name is Lori I am 21, Iost my mom on Descember 29th 2004 to the hands of her Husband. he shot he with a hunting rifle and in the process he shot me in the right hand, i had to have surgery twice and now i am about t have the 3rd.

I have 1 sister and 1 broher who by the grace god were out of town that day!

I also have 1 beautiful Daughter named Harley, she wa born 2 years after my mom pased. she looks at my moms Pictures and says thats my nana! it makes me sad that my mom never got to meet her, i do my very best with her as a mom without a mom can do, i go to my gramma who is about to turn 56 for any questions i have! she helped my mom raise me when she got pregnant at 14!



and in may 2009 the man responsible for her murder was sentanced to 30.6 years after 4 1/2 years after it happened!

Melissa - posted on 10/25/2009

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Natalie, how sad!!! I can't imagine what you and your family have gone through. I am glad you have someone to go to, for me that has made a huge difference. Welcome to the group, and plese feel free to use this a a sound board or a place to seek aadvice. Best of wishes. Melissa

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