Announcing a pregnancy after miscarriage.

Tamara - posted on 06/14/2009 ( 16 moms have responded )

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My husband and I lost our son on December 4, 2008 I was 18 weeks pregnant. We decided to start trying for another on as soon as possible, it took 11 and 13 months to conceive my last two babies. I found out just yesterday that I'm pregnant. My husband doesn't want to tell anyone for as long as possible, if we could put it off until 20 weeks or more he'd be happy. I don't feel the same way. I'm all for waiting until after the 1st trimester, but not much longer.
When did you tell people about a pregnancy after your miscarriage? And any advice on how to help my husband calm down so others can share in our good news.
Thanks.

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Candice - posted on 06/16/2009

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My husband and I tried for almost three years to conceive a child. We found out in October 08 that I was expecting and were totally eccstatic about it. December 11, 2008, I started bleeding and knew right away that something was wrong. We went to the ER, they did an u/s & determined that there was no heartbeat. That was extremely devastating to us because we had tried so long & we had already saw the heartbeat & just never expected to lose our child. It really devastated me & my husband but in completely different ways. I wanted to talk about it to help me cope & my husband couldn't talk or think about it without breaking down. We finally made each other talk about it and it did not fix things by no means but it helped us understand where each other was coming from & helped us help each other.



We found out in April that I am expecting again and instead of being excited & ready to spread the good news, I found my self terrified, scared that it was going to happen again. I decided that night that I did not want to be worried every single second that I was going to lose my child again so we told his parents & my brother that night because I knew that I wanted their support if it were to happen again. Obviously, I do worry but when I start worrying I start praying so it really helps me. Over the next several weeks we told other family & friends. With this pregnancy, my husband didn't really discuss the baby or really try to bond any until recently, after the first trimester. Now, I am 16.2 weeks, he will rub my stomach & talk to the baby but at first he was afraid to get attached, afraid it would happen again. Maybe your husband is afraid of the same thing. Maybe if you got him to open up about it, it may not put him at ease but it may help you understand his view of things & help you help him (if that makes sense). I do agree with Brittanie that this is something that everyone needs to move at their own pace with.



I hope that by sharing my story, I have helped you in some way. Good luck with your pregnancy. You & your family are in my prayers!

Heather - posted on 06/24/2009

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My miscarriage was only at 9 weeks, I got pregnant again right after but did not release the news until 12 weeks and we got the sex just 2 weeks later our families were so surprised. It killed me not to release the news because I was so excited. It is such a tough decision to make and no matter how long you wait you wont know the out come. I thought by my 3rd trimester nothing could happen to me and I had a stillborn at almost 39 weeks. Personally I would tell him exactly how you feel that you can never know the outcome no matter how long...and that telling people may help you and your fears as you will have more support though all of this.



Best of luck! And Congratulations!

Trina - posted on 10/05/2012

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I had been spotting for a cpl days nothing in the underwear only when I wiped then on Feb 13 it started to leak into my underwear so I went to er did blood tests said everything looked fine did ultrasound they told me I was 8 weeks and we saw the heartbeat they said me and the baby would be fine got a papsmear the Dr said to stay on bed rest cuz I was passing a lot of blood 10 mins later I felt a big clot pass looked and it was the sac, baby, and placenta it was so devasting after being told it would be ok.... Now I'm nervous it will happen again....

Amanda - posted on 07/02/2012

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i lost my daughter when i was 5 months... when i got pregnant this time i waited til after the first ultrasound... put my mind at ease and if anything happens i now have my family to help me through it....

Linette - posted on 08/09/2009

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Hi

My son was supposed to be born this week. We lost him at 23 weeks when we found out that he had only 1 heart chamber. We have been trying again, but no luck. Every time I find out I am not pregnant, I am in tears. I am also struggling with when to tell when I eventually fall pregant. I think it will be good not to wait. I think we need all the support we can get.

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Tamara - posted on 06/25/2009

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Thank you for sharing, the comments did help. I'm six weeks now and we've told our parents. We have decided not to tell anyone else until after the first trimester. I am seeing a high risk pregnancy dr., I'm not sue there is anything he could do vs. midwifes I've seen in the past but it dose help me be a bit more calm about everything.

Jewel - posted on 06/24/2009

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I had 2 miscarriages and 1 ectopic. With each pregnancy I told my family almost right away because I was so excited. But when me and my husband became pregnant two more time afterward we waited until my third trimester because of what happened before and honestly I feel like that waiting until then was the best thing because if I miscarried in my firs two trimester then I wouldn't have to hear all the apologies that didn't help, and my husband liked waiting that long because he had a hard time with the previous miscarriages, but I did tell my oldest sister whom I pretty close with and she was the only person who knew.

Libby - posted on 06/22/2009

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My daughter was stillborn at 20 weeks on December 3rd, 2008. It took us 2 years to get pregnant with her (she is our 3rd child). I had a lot of complications during that pregnancy so we were definetly fearful of trying again, and then telling people. But I figured that would be a long way off. Boy was I wrong. I had one cycle in January and then got pregnant. I too thought, if only I could wait until after 20 weeks to tell people then I would feel better about it. I think I was afraid of people's reactions since we got pregnant again so soon because it was certainly not planned or expected.



However, I couldn't not tell the people close to me, like my boys and my mom. Then my husband told his mom and she pretty much blabbed to everybody. So, here's what I decided...the more people who knew, the more people that could pray for our new little one. Also, I needed my support system just incase there were problems because I had been on bedrest during my last two pregnancies.



So, we told everybody and I was really only disappointed in my mother in law's response. Everybody has been very supportive and we are now 22 weeks into this pregnancy. We are having another girl and we have two living sons. My youngest son (he's 5) told me last week that he hopes this baby doesn't come early because he really wants a baby sister. I thought it was so sweet. But anyway, tell people when you feel comfortable. If you are still early on then give it some time to sink in. He will get used to the idea and I think the 1st trimester is a good focal point, even though you have had a later loss, I still think every pregnancy is different and you should feel comfortable after that 1st trimester milestone has passed! Good luck!!

Debra - posted on 06/19/2009

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Hi there! :) Congratulations!! I am also so sorry for your loss,I also miscarried at 18 weeks with my 2nd child - daughter - 11/04/08. Do they know why? OMG-I saw your post about going in for the sono and no hearbeat :( THAT IS WHAT HAPPENED TO ME. UGH -and I had perfect 1st pregnancy and delivery with our first daughter.... come to find out now... I have Thrombophilia - blood clots.

Either way, I got pregnant again by the end of Jan.2009 and am 22 weeks pregnant right now with our son.

I agree with you, I wanted to wait until end of 1st trimester - that was it! We did tell close family and friends though! It's sooo hard though - it's like you worry all the time! Even though I trust God 110%. but the 18 week milestone for me was huge!!! Once I got threw that and feel the baby kicking all the time now - it's alot easier. However, I worry and pray everyday for this lil guy.

Explain to your hubby that it is what it is and you need to love and embrace this baby/pregnancy because whatever is going to happen is out of your control. Easier said then done. Again, congratulations!!! everything will be great.

Pamela - posted on 06/16/2009

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Do what you need to. Your husband may still be cautious about the possibility of having another baby die .

We didn't tell anyone. We just waited until I started showing and then confirmed the news. I treasured each day the baby was alive inside me and didn't really "believe" the baby was going to make it until he was out and healthy. A bit paranoid, but it hurt so much having miscarried the first baby.

Siobhan - posted on 06/16/2009

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I told my parents and siblings, and very close friends when I was 9 weeks and had my dating ultrasound and they found a heartbeat. I told them, because if we experienced another loss, I would need their support. There were also health complications for every pregnancy that I have, so it gives them some preparation time to get ready. We lost our daughter at 28 weeks. Good luck. Tell your husband that you need to celebrate this pregnancy just as your needed to celebrate the last one. Every baby deserves to be acknolwedged and celebrated from the beginning in my opinion. Just do it in a way that you are comfortable with.

Tamara - posted on 06/15/2009

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Quoting Brittanie:
 Maybe After An Ultrasound Your Husband Will Feel Better About Telling People. My Boyfriend Felt Alot Better After Seeing And Hearing The Heart Beat Of Our Daughter.


That may be true, but we found out about the last baby when we went to  the ultrasound that his heart had  stopped, my husband right now is saying he dosen't want to go to the ultrasound.  I'm sure he'll change his mind in time.

Tamara - posted on 06/15/2009

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Quoting Brittanie:
 Maybe After An Ultrasound Your Husband Will Feel Better About Telling People. My Boyfriend Felt Alot Better After Seeing And Hearing The Heart Beat Of Our Daughter.


That may be true, but we found out about the last baby when we went to  the ultrasound that his heart had  stopped, my husband right now is saying he dosen't want to go to the ultrasound.  I'm sure he'll change his mind in time.

Sneaky - posted on 06/15/2009

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I was pregnant again three months after losing my baby and told EVERYONE when I was only four weeks pregant. I also told them that I was not going to think about it or talk about it until after the twenty week mark. Mostly I told everyone because I knew I would need and want the support of family and friends if the unthinkable happened again - which it didn't fortunately.



I doubt there is anything that will calm your husband down :o) but it is wonderful news and though he will never stop worrying (my husband didn't) he should relax a bit when he gets used to the idea. If you really need to tell people so you can celebrate your new baby and help heal your heart a little bit, you might need to actually explain that to him, he might be missing the obvious . . . congratulations!

Brittanie - posted on 06/14/2009

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I guess its one of those things where you move at your own pace and go with what you feel is right. After the loss of my son in feb 08 i found out i was pregnant that summer and i waited 1 month to tell the grandparents and then another 2 before i told anyone else just to make sure the same problems didn't occur. I Wish You The Best Of Luck With The Pregnancy And Maybe After An Ultrasound Your Husband Will Feel Better About Telling People. My Boyfriend Felt Alot Better After Seeing And Hearing The Heart Beat Of Our Daughter.

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