I lost my daughter 2 years ago and I cant find any one to understand my feelings

Deborah - posted on 08/29/2009 ( 96 moms have responded )

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Im not sure if Im even in the right place because most of what I read is young mothers who lost babys even tho my daughter was my baby she was 20 years old when she died in a car accident she was suppose to be coming for dinner when that morning my husband came to tell me she had died. Even tho its been 2 years I still want answers I still cry and except her to call I dont know if this is normal or if Im nuts So Im hoping that maybe someone can help I just need someone to understand.

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Martha - posted on 08/01/2013

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I lost my daughter Feb.10 2013 for severed reaction, overdose of medication that she has severely allergy and misdiagnose. Her university will grant her degree posthumously on Aug. 6, 2013. My heart is aching ,losing my soul. Stephanie was is my best friend and daughter, she was only 25yrs. How can God took all that I have.
Martha

Ray - posted on 03/16/2013

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Michelle, Please know that sometimes healing takes place in heaven. She's with Jesus now. She's living more now than she's ever lived. God knows that your angry with him, and He's okay with that. It's going to take awhile for the initial pain to ease. And you will think about her everyday. But you can go on. I know what your going through. It's been nineteen months for me. I encourage you to not give up on your own life, your husband needs your support. Deal with the pain, continue to read if that's what helps. Don't give up on God. Your spiritual life may change while you grieve but never stray to far away. Please God, Bless You, And Comfort You, Amen Ray Moore

May - posted on 01/26/2014

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hello im may, my daughter was 24 I lost her to cervical cancer months ago im still in deep deep healing

Renee - posted on 01/22/2014

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I UNDERSTAND, and I AM SOOOO SORRY! I lost my Morgie, 21 years old, 1 year and 2 mths ago. She also died in a car accident also. She was headed back to college.
If you are nuts, so I am! My heart breaks still. Some days I get through them ok, other days, Its seems unbearable, I just take it one moment at the time. I don't have advice for you, I just try to find happiness and when I do, I hold on to it as long as it will stay. But I find that it inevitably it flees. A roller coaster ride from hell, everytime life seems to gleam, reality bites but I find strength in God and hope in how my daughter lived her life. Knowing that one day I will see her again.
But until then, we have to live and try to do it with joy, our girls would want that, don't you think? Know that you are not alone in your struggle, even though I know it feels like it. There are people that do care, who do understand your pain and bouts of emotions, and are walking in those same shoes, the ones that we none EVER wanted to walk in. Praying for you!!

Dianne - posted on 02/08/2014

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Ann Marie.

My Megan was 27 and died in her sleep December 18, 2013. I can't bear the pain. All I do is cry. We don't know how Meggie died yet either. When ever I walk into a room full of people it's like I am parting the seas. No one knows what to say or how to act. I feel unhuman. I miss my baby..

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Marie Christine - posted on 08/25/2016

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Brenda,so sorry hit post before i was finished not good at this but my son would go months without drinking then the anxiety that it caused the head injury&the disease he had was so bad that he would slip. I am so sorry for your loss i feel horrible for ur loss of your son and i too am tired of being strong. My son admiited himself to hospital walking talking his sodium was low because he drank it had happened before but this time they totally ignored the symptoms of acidosis til it was too late &he died a horrible painful death he got lousy medical care&the dr acted like he could care less he sent the nurse in and had her ask in front of him his brothers if he flatlined did i want cpr done he was 28 yrs old. He was a good man too despite his issues he struggled with his disability check to take care of his kids on the 17th his last text to me was he wasnt going to do this again he was throwing up his meds it was devastating. You are right it is devastating no one understands i had to ask the funeral director his cause of death. No one gets it or they thk its easier because he was adult my heart is broken just like yours. If u ever want to talk about your son i am here. Im so sorry i hear the pain and i wish more people understood how horrible it is.
Marie

Marie Christine - posted on 08/25/2016

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Brenda,i HEAR u and i understand i lost my son on August 19th 2015 he had adisions disease& was recently diagnosed with diabetes. He had some issues too he was dealing with he had a car accident &tbi then 4yrs before his death he was diagnosed with adisions he wasn't supposed to drink he was on fluid restrictions because of it he tried so hard not too&

Acreeclarkbrendajoyce - posted on 08/10/2016

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Hello Girls ,ALL IN 1 WORD DEVASTATING!!!!!!!

My name is Brenda and I as well am so sick of (your a strong woman) it will get easier to deal with .REALLY? I don't see how anyone can say that to a grieving mother .Losing my son Everett on 5/20/2015 I'll never get over it ,so called (move on)? My son was having some relationship issues and ask me to come home for a while so he could get his head straight We didn't have it easy and went thru a lot when I raised my 4 kids .I ended up doing it myself I never even got child support my kids held on to some I can do anything attitude s .believe me we went thru some tremdous and devastating situations I guess what I'm saying is IM PROUD OF MY CHILDREN !!!! MY SON TRIED SO HARD TO BE A GOOD MAN and was loving and kind my whole world smacked me in the face the night he died I came home from work to find him dead on his bedroom floor ! I seen him before I left for work he came home from work early not feeling well his girlfriend ran over his foot, and he had a bad tooth pulled the day before he was in a lot of pain MY SON overdosed ON HERION !!!!MY GOD I HAD NO CLUE AT ALL .!! I seen no signs of it I've racked my head to China and back trying to figure it out I just dealt with his birthday, mother's day and the day he died all in a 10 day time spand and all the 1 st anniversary on all with his death! I'm struggling every day to just function I'm dragging myself to work . I'm working on getting into a group therapy or something I tried right after his death . but I wasn't comfortable I mean I can't even remember the 4 months after that I went back to work it took me a month to get there but I did its not natural for a mother to see a child die let alone find him that way I've read a few post on here and want to say THANK YOU ! TO THOSE OF YOU WHO KNOW WHAT I MEAN I MISS MY BOY! To those of you young mothers educate yourselves!!!!! Children whether their 2 or 32 they hide things especially if they think you'll be mad or disappointed reassure them every day every way that your there !!!

Marie Christine - posted on 07/16/2016

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Charlene i just read your post my name is Marie i lost my son Jordan on august 19 2015 and i am so sorry for your loss my son was 28. I am coming up on the first anverisary of his death & some days im still in hospital room it is a lonely journey that only those who have lost a child can understand i hope you have people around you who are there for you but regardless its devastating and im so sorry for the pain you feel and i know how much you miss him
Marie

Charlene - posted on 06/16/2016

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My sympathies for your lose of your daughter. I have two daughters myself and understand your grief.

I have just lost my son, 34 years of age unexpectedly. I was a young mother when i gave birth to him and he was my world, my rock, my strength and my love.

Your post was in 2009, I was wondering how are you today?

I am not sure where when and if peace can come and life can truly go on.

GRACE - posted on 06/09/2014

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yep, you got it right. That is just how it is and no one knows it except those of us who have lost our child. My daughter was 48 and she fought like crazy to stay and raise her 2 children...the pain of your child not being able to live his/her dream is the deepest pain of all. It never goes away. My daughter died 3 years ago so no warning...just one big 48 hour nightmare leaving us like a deer in the headlights...what happened ...no it can not not be... also.I hear her voice...I can't believe she is not here. It is so odd. People who say it is time to stop grieving and move on ...do not know anything and definitely have never lost a child. Moving on is what folks do who have not felt the pain of a real loss ...there is growing and learning but not a life without this underline loss that is so great that it changes who we are forever. Only a mother who has been really close to her child can begin to understand... if they have walked this terrible road of losing a child. Just be the peace and the love for with love our children are with us but i must admit ..I just want to sit down at Starbucks with her and talk story like we always did...that is what i really want...the way we heal but not forget is by helping others..and still a day does not go by without a thought a tear a feeling of wow is this real?

Morgie Grace - posted on 06/01/2014

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I am so sorry what has happened to your children but don't blame your selfs for it dying is a part of life I am a child and I'm in a bad situation at the moment that's why I am following my parents because they will show me the way to heaven now I've heard a lot of stories about missing children or even passed away children your lucky that's the only thing that happened to your children what about Madeline mccan or what about that little boy who couldn't find his mum and 2 11 year olds took him threw stones at him ironed him then tied him to a railway track and a train came over him yes it's painful when you lose your children but you've got to understand its part of life I remember I was trying to save a baby bird which couldn't fly because it wa raining then I saw that it was lying dead on the ground yes I was crying and blaming myself but then my grandma sat me down and told me it's how life works everyone will die people pets etc... But it happens to everyone so there is nothing to be sad about you taught them well and I bet you up in heaven they are looking down on you and every second they will be saying thank you for my life and I love you

Holyn - posted on 04/12/2014

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I lost my 16 year old son on October 15, 2013, he was killed in a street bike accident. My little brother was killed on his street bike on March 2, 2013, just a short 7 months prior. People tell me that I need to get over it already but I can not function!! I know that I need to be a mom to my other children who have also suffered and I not a selfish or crazy person...I just literally can not move forward! I can not have 1 minute of any day without them on my mind! I wander if they were scared, I wander if they were in pain, I beg for them to come to me in my dreams or send me signs that they are ok and I pray to God to let them visit me for 1 more second and it's not happening! I have investigated as much as humanly possible for answers in both accidents and received nothing that helps me! I've questioned the people who were with my brother extensively and I know they have a hard time talking about it but I feel like I need to know every single detail...some people say I am crazy for wanting to know but I have to! My son was alone but a girl who witnessed his accident and ran to him, who was with him from the time he hit the brick wall to the time the coroner took him, I have questioned this girl many many times and it's horrible of me because she is dealing with it herself and she was only 17. I all but forced her to tell me what he looked like and still can not get satisfaction or answers. I feel like I have to see his body on the ground...I have to know EXACTLY every injury from his crushed chest, to his mangled limbs, to his smallest scratch. I was allowed to see my brother in the ER after his accident...yes he was gone already but I was able to see his body and I inspected it for any signs of injury and couldn't find 1! I was not allowed to see my son when he died, he was never brought to the hospital because he was gone before anyone got to him. We were not allowed to view him at the morgue. We were able to open his casket but he was so covered with makeup and his body was wrapped with wire meshing, I know this cause I all but undressed him while he laid in his casket...sounds so terrible I know but I had to try to see what happened to my baby!! I have other kids and a husband and parents and siblings who are all having their own difficulty with these losses but I am the only 1 who can't seem to live...I have absolutely no will to live!! I feel as though I am dead and I wish I was 99% of the time...even to the point that I can really justify suicide! I am no good to anyone anymore!! I can't be a mom to my other children! I can't be a wife! I can't be a daughter or a sister...all I can do is ask questions that it seems I will never get the answers to! Please someone help me!!! Please???

Dave - posted on 03/16/2014

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Karen,
I am so sorry for your loss. Confide in your husband. I would be very upset if my wife did not let me know when she needed my support. At times I cry and feel weak as a man and a bit embarrassed when I really break. My wife holds me with comforting arms and with compasionate love and it does help me through the hard times. Every little bit helps and purging the pain with some tears can go a long way. You don't have to pretend for anyone let your feelings out. Take care.


Dave

Dave - posted on 03/13/2014

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Mary,
I am truly sorry for your loss. I am breaking the rules, due to the fact that I am a father (but it is hard to find men willing to talk about this topic). My baby girl Katherine was 21 months old when she died of SIDS. I left work early today because her anniversary is 31 March and I am destroyed inside. Crazy enough, she passed on 31 March 1994 (yes, not a typo). Why this is still so heavy and painful defies logic. Mary, no one has a clue about this unless they have lived it. You are correct, it does not matter how old your child is and it would not be easier if they were younger when they unfortunately passed away. Right after my baby died, my friends kept asking me how my wife was doing; as if men are completely NOT affected by such a tragic loss. People would say, I understand what you're going through. At one point I said, "You understand! Imagine that your child just died." "Okay," one responded. I next said, "Now imagine forever!" "I can't imagine forever," they replied. I know, you cannot imagine or understand, I pleaded with them. God does not kill kids. This world is full of sin and is broken and we are a passenger on this plane that will never get the repairs it needs. I don't know the answer to recover from this devastating and life altering explosion. I am function well, most of the time, but carry this heavy burden with me always. Write your little Angel a letter. Tell her of your pain and tears that are shed for her. Part of a poem I wrote, "As I look up to the sky my eyes are forever moistened with the memories sealed within my tears." Thank you for sharing. Your story and my being able to share this with you has helped me today. Each small step forward is progress. I am sorry for your pain and your loss. Dave

Mary - posted on 02/09/2014

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I lost my 18 month baby just 2 weeks to SIDS (sudden infant death syndrome), some people say why didnt it happen when he was younger because we wouldnt be as attached to my angel but I believe it doesnt matter how old your child is they should not pass away before their parents and most importantly a mothers/fathers pain is going too hurt no matter if your baby is a stillbirth, a new baby,a teenager or an adult a parents pain when they loose their child is unbearable and it never never heals we just learn how to cope if only for a few hours while we have to do everyday tasks, then we let all the pain come flooding back and start to ache all over again, your baby is your baby no matter how young or old, so if you feel like crying you cry thats your way of letting out your feelings for your child that goes for all us parents who lost our babies or even just someone we loved.

Karen - posted on 01/24/2014

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You are normal and in no way nuts to still cry. I lost my son Richie 4 1/2 years ago to a drunk driver. He would of been 30 on 1/20. I have had many ups and downs, his birthday this year really threw me for a loop. In my experience it took me many many months to comprehend that he was truely gone. I still cry almost daily, the pain is still there but it is not as raw as the first year or two. I will be going on with the simple every day chores and events relatively ok than out of the blue I will be crying and I can not even describe what I feel there are no words for the pain . I think at those times I realize I am still here doing things he would be doing and maybe I feel quilty for being alive, I am his mom I am suppose to go before him, suppose to make him safe. I also keep my pain inside and to myself trying to be strong for the rest of family- I am not sure this is right, but I cry alone-I do not seek comfort from my husband or my other son, I do not want to bring them down if they are feeling stronger that day. We do speak to each other and remember him but during the times of intense pain I carry and do that alone. I also like many of you believe he is in Heaven, with no pain, no drama, no worries, and doing a job that I hope to someday understand when I join him.
We have all lost children at different ages and under different circumstances, and none of those matter . The age does not matter we loved them the minute they came to us and weather it was a day or many years we still lost them and that pain is undescribable. The matter of there death really does not matter, they are gone and we can not undo that, and in my opinion even understanding the why's and how's will not change our pain. I have seen the man who took my son's life, I understand when, who and what happened but it does not change the fact that I hurt more than I could ever imagine and more than I could wish on this man and his family. Weather it was a tragic accident, a freak event, a long health issue, murder, suicide what ever the reason they are gone the end result is we are here without them and need to find away to rebuild our selves and our life. There is no correct way to do that. Some find a charity or worthwhile cause , some find therapy, some suffer in silence. You have to do what feels right and is right for you. I have not found that thing yet. I am a robot and an actress pretending to go on, pretending to be strong. Maybe I will fool myself one day in believing I am both. I pray for you all and hope you find away to continue on in your lives. I hope my post comes across ok. typing words and saying them can sound different and I am still an emotional wreck waiting for the next ball to drop and break the thread I am holding onto.

Nesha - posted on 01/02/2014

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Hi I am sorry for your loss ....I loss my son at the age of seven years he died 1year and four mths now.....my heart hurts for him...every time I goes to his room I smell his clothes..his shoes and lay on his bed watching his book with his writing....

Francine - posted on 12/30/2013

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It has been a little over a year since the police came to tell me my daughter died in Hurricane Sandy. I cant believe its a year. It seems like yesterday. I have her dog which she was walking when she was killed. I feel like its the only thing I can do for her now. I go to the cemetery every week and bring something like a pretty stone or rock or flower. I used to buy her earrings and clothes and now I buy things for her grave. i cant believe it. I see from the posts that a lot of you believe in god and that you will be reunited with your child when you die. I dont believe that and it doesnt comfort me when people tell me that. I want to hug my daughter and stroke her head. When i Think that I think about how it was crushed by the tree and feel like I will lose my mind. My husband died of cancer 5 weeks after my daughter was killed. (he had been diagnosed 5 months earlier out of the blue) I don't have him to help me grieve or to share memories. I am putting one foot in front of the other because of my son. I am the only family he has now.. I go to individual grief counseling and a group that meets once a month that is for people who lost young adult children suddenly. I am so sad, My daughter just started teaching and was finally where she wanted to be. I get letters from her students who say she changed their lives by believing in them and that they will never forget her. People say doesnt that make me feel good, the impact she had in such a short life but it doesnt, it makes me sadder and more frustrated. My thoughts are with all of you other heartbroken moms.

Francine - posted on 12/30/2013

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My 24 year old daughter was killed in Hurricane Sandy a year ago. I am in a group for parents who lost young adult children suddenly. Most of us had children who died in the last two years. Everyone is tortured, sad, frustrated that we cant turn back time and save them and crying. One couple who is 6 years past is still sad but said its more manageable

I am sorry for your loss and heart break.
One book I found helpful to read is "a broken heart still beats"

Jessica - posted on 12/01/2013

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my name is james, i'm 21 years old, i lost my daughter on december 31st, 2008 it's been almost 5 years now and i still feel the same pain i did the night she died. i don't know who i can talk to about it because nobody truly understands what it feels like i have no support from anyone i'm alone and have been for the past 5 years. i can't speak to kate, her mother, about it because she committed suicide a few years later i literally have nobody and i'm on the brink of losing my sanity i don't know what to do someone please help me

Kelly - posted on 11/25/2013

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Today marks the sixth month since I said "bye for now" to my only daughter. She was only 20 years old and so full of goodness for this World. She loved God and it showed since she was just a young child of five years of age of which that is the time she accepted Christ into her heart with her first grade teacher. She had a "light" that shined throughout her short life. She went to an Ob/Gyn for a problem with her cycle to correct it, and essentially died due to taking Generess Fe, a birth control pill. Because she was my "world", I lived to hear her voice, receive her text messages, to go see her at college, to be with her was like being next to an angelic spirit - because that is what she was.......she used her eyes to see the best, a heart that forgave the worst, and bright brilliant mind that forgot the bad, and a soul of gold that never lost faith. Therefore, I know beyond a reasonable doubt that she was swept up from a floor (whom states he "flipped out" and didn't render aide) of an apartment where she was when she collapsed and placed into a position of which God knew only she could do for him in his Kingdom - we that believe call "Heaven" - she is no longer in this life on Earth enduring struggles. She is in complete "Bliss" and how can I question any part of that? EXCEPT WHY MY ONLY CHILD.......................WHY? WHY? WHY?

Jen - posted on 11/24/2013

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I lost my daughter just 4 days shy of 18 months old. She had leukemia, and developed an infection. I'm angry, and still not sure of God, though this happened in 2004. My only girl, and I will proba bly nit have anymore childrwn, much as I desperately want another. Nobody understands because they don't want to. They don't want to imagine the horror and pain of losing one of their children. All we can do is move on. The hospital is at fault, but they covered tbeir butts. Wont do me any good to sue them. It won't bring her back or make me feel any better. I'm just done.

Kelly - posted on 11/23/2013

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I feel the same way - how could God take my only daughter/child away when she had so much Love in her heart for everybody she knew and would meet. She was getting her education to make a difference in the lives of childrent. She had asked me just recently what will I do when I find a student is so poor that they need help. I told her we'd do the best we could for them and not to worry. But, we'd do what we could. Sure, I ask God - why her - why not someone that liked to harm women, chlidren and seeked them out to do so. Why couldn't he tell this are the type he needed so desperately for this cold, cruel, calculating world in which we live in. Good die young, yea, yea, yea, I've heard that, but that rule needs to change to. The junk multiply and the good die young.......then what do we have to do deal with a bunch people with stinky attitudes, etc. Why our babies when they were an asset to this World! Why?

Kelly - posted on 11/23/2013

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Dear Deborah: Grief is not a "one size fit all" type of something you try and and it either fits or it doesn't. For me Grief DOES NOT fit into my life not now or ever. My on child and daughter went to get her boyfriend 2.5 hours away and after arriving she collapsed with a Pulmonary Embolism. Very athletic, loved God and reading the Bible, no tattoos, no alchohol. She would "light up" a room when she walked into it. She loved people not matter what. She was loved by all and Mom here wonders and it's been 6 months (this can't be happening) when I look at her pictures still. When will I get past and accept she is gone form Earth as we know it. But, we as their parents are sure to see our children again. I've read it and heard preachers mention it. I'll find her I have a feeling where to look near his thrown. I Pray for Deborah and anytime yo want to talk my cell is: 832-693-9465 I'd love to chat with you and who knows we might just be the "right fit" for eachother. You have to try to find it out though.

Theresa - posted on 09/14/2013

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i lost my 29 yr old daughter on 3.9.2013.In these days of medical advancement the doctors could not save my daughter from a viral fever Her 2 year old son is motherless now . i really don't understand how god who is so compassionate and loving to all could let this happen.when we desperately want god to answer our prayers he keeps silent.

Kathy - posted on 09/01/2013

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i just lost my 21 year old daughter 11/18/12. she was my best friend. i feel it very hard to go on. i totally understand.....no one understands.

Ahmed - posted on 08/10/2013

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After i saw the post of Pamela and Mary on how Prophet Abdul Ahmed helped them in bring back their lover, i decided to contact Prophet Abdul Ahmed,Then i told him how my husband tried divorcing me and am gonna be loosing a lot from that, He only told me to smile trice and asked me to fill a form, i Submitted it and he gave me the assurance of 24hrs, to my surprise its was just 18hrs, and Greg my husband came home telling me, why on earth would i have to misunderstood him always and said he is very sorry and promised we are not going to divorce any longer, my Joy was restored and i called Prophet Abdul Ahmed to tell him but he said he already knew about it that all i should do is to tell friends and people to contact him with any kind of problem that his gods have solutions, Friends i can swear by anything that Prophet Abdul Ahmed is a man you can trust contact him for help and he is trustworthy. Here his is private mail prophetabdulahmed@outlook.com … All thanks to Prophet Abdul Ahmed.........GOOD LUCK

Ahmed - posted on 08/10/2013

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After i saw the post of Pamela and Mary on how Prophet Abdul Ahmed helped them in bring back their lover, i decided to contact Prophet Abdul Ahmed,Then i told him how my husband tried divorcing me and am gonna be loosing a lot from that, He only told me to smile trice and asked me to fill a form, i Submitted it and he gave me the assurance of 24hrs, to my surprise its was just 18hrs, and Greg my husband came home telling me, why on earth would i have to misunderstood him always and said he is very sorry and promised we are not going to divorce any longer, my Joy was restored and i called Prophet Abdul Ahmed to tell him but he said he already knew about it that all i should do is to tell friends and people to contact him with any kind of problem that his gods have solutions, Friends i can swear by anything that Prophet Abdul Ahmed is a man you can trust contact him for help and he is trustworthy. Here his is private mail prophetabdulahmed@outlook.com … All thanks to Prophet Abdul Ahmed.........GOOD LUCK

Avril - posted on 07/20/2013

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Hi Mary,

My sorrow is with you, it will be a yr for our daughter being killed on 28th july, my pain is as raw as when it first happened, if you would like to talk, I would be happy to be here for you.

Avril

Mary - posted on 06/25/2013

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I know how you feel. and my heart goes out to you. I lost my baby girl (21 years old) three weeks ago in a car accident..she was the passenger, the driver was speeding more then twice the speed limit. wrapped the car around a tree she died instantly. the others lived.. no one will tell me why he was driving so fast. I can't stop crying, can't work. I keep hoping it's all a bad dream I just never seem to wake up. I keep waiting for her to walk through the door, but she dosen't

User - posted on 06/13/2013

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No one. Knows. How itf. Feels. Unless. It. Happens. To. Them
Life. Changes. My . Daughter. Passed. 3Years. ago she. Was 30.Sadness.hits. when It. Wants. to. She. Was my.Besf. friend. I. Will.Seeherher

Laurel - posted on 04/08/2013

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I lost my daughter (my best friend) 2 yrs ago ... H1N1 Swine flu ... I am heart broken ... She had just turned 39 - I can't get thru' this! ....

Laurel
lagilee@yahoo.com

Joann - posted on 04/03/2013

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dear Deborah, I put in my address bar " my daughter is gone and I want to join her" your story popped up. I do understand how you hurt. My daughter Jessica Vetter 20years old was killed by a drunk driver. This happened april 20, 2007 and there isn't a day goes by I feel so lost and miss her so gosh awful lot that I feel like I cant breathe. My heart goes out to you and I hope ur ok. I know you posted this on 8/29/2009. I wish I knew how to deal and cope everyday, the whole world continues on, mine came to a grinding halt. I'd give my everything to just dream about her again. I did dream about her 6months after the accident, she was 13 in my dream it was a time in her life she has often told me she was the happiest at that age, we were at kings dominion amusement park, she was dragging me around to all the rides.( I was always to scarred to get on the roller coasters with her when we used to go.) I remember she walked up to me smiling and so bright almost as though she was shining, she held both my hands, I remember feeling how soft her hands were, she came close to my face and told me "cmon mom don't be afraid it will be ok." I woke up in tears, but I was happy, it wasn't about the roller coaster ride, she was letting me know she was ok and happy and I didn't need to feel fear, that horrible fear of having to go on without her. That one dream or message has keep me going. Its hard oh God is it hard, waiting to see her again. I have to be a good person, so God will give me the chance to be with her again, in Gods time, that's what's so hard to digest. We will all be together again, I really do believe that Deborah, remember love is patient. Find me on facebook if you ever want to talk, God bless you. Joann Gillin

User - posted on 03/16/2013

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Deborah its is two year for me on the 25/3/13 that l lost my only child is was my ever thing as it was only the two of us and l am still to this day wanting answer l know l will never get . She was 19 out going and the high light of my life and now everything l do reminds me of her but l know that she would want me to sill live my life in her memerory stay strong u will get passed this ..

Ann Marie - posted on 03/06/2013

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Ann G

I prayed to God to let me hear her again. This was a couple of months after she went. I thought i was going crazy but I was getting up for work, opened my eyes and I heard as loud as anyone could hear her voice Hi Mom its me Rochelle. I thanked God for letting me her talk to me. She also came to me in a dream where she was standing in a field of green green grass. She was wearing one of my old shirts from when I was in 9th grade.
Another dream was I saw her in front of a big white house she ran up to hug me I could feel her skin it was so real. I also had a vision of a lamb.

Michelle - posted on 03/06/2013

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I'll lend you for a little while a child of mine He sighed
For you to love the while she lives and mourn for when she dies
It may be six or seven years or twenty two or three
But will you till I call her home take care of her for me?
She'll bring her charms and gladden you and should her stay be brief
You'll have her lovely memories as solace for your grief
I cannot promise she will stay since all from earth returns
But there are lessons taught down there I want this child to learn
I've looked the wide world over in my search for teachers true
And from the throngs that crowd life's lanes I have selected you
Now will you give herall you love nor think the labor vain
Nor hate me when I come to call her back again
I fancied that I heard you say Deear Lord Thy will be done
For all the joy Thy child shall bring the risk of grief we'll run
We'll shelter her with tenderness, we'll love her while we may
And for the happinesswe've known forever grateful stay
But should the angels all her much sooner than we've planned
We'll brave the bitter grief that comes and try to understand
--Edgar a guest

Michelle
Megan, my love will find you where ever you go

Michelle - posted on 03/05/2013

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It's 2:21am. I lay in Megan's bed reading the bible, praying, crying, hurting. Mt stomach churns. I hate my life. I also read heaven is for real, twice. I just finished quit kissing my ashes and 90 minutes in heaven. I never used to read and have ordered 6 books recently. Michelle

Ann Marie - posted on 03/05/2013

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Ann G
A message from Heaven
Perhaps you arent ready yet to have to say goodbye.....
Perhaps youve thought of things you you wish you d said well so have I.
For one thing Id have told you not to worry about me
Im with the lord in heaven now you knew that where id be.
Im sorry that youre feeling sad, for im so happy now
Ive asked the lord t ease the hurt and comfort you somehow.
Its hard in the beginning but i know your make it through
I hope it helps to know that ill be waiting here for you.
Somebody gave me this poem I dont remenber who.

Ann Marie - posted on 03/05/2013

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Rosemary that was beautiful what you wrote. I wanted to write the same thing but you said it better.

Ann Marie - posted on 03/04/2013

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The only way I feel i can go on with my daughter gone is to know shes home with jesus I see her in my dreams. What reallly helped me was a book called heaven is real. God told me i will be with her again This life is short and were here for a very short time. I cry every day for her she was only 30 years old she died in her sleep so I dont know how she died it was 3 years ago at xmas I hate faking like im happy she was my best friend we were together every day I will long for her until the day I go home to be with the lord. I have a granddaughter who wants her mommy and so does her dad. Were all broken. Some of the family doesnt like to talk about it especially at get togethers.I hate how I have to cry in the car on the way to work.

Rosemary - posted on 03/04/2013

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Michelle, Megan sounds like such an intelligent, beautiful girl and you have so much reason to be proud of her and to have been able to be her mom! I share in so many of your feelings. It has been 8 months for me since the death and just very recently I have felt a little lightening of the sorrow. This does not undermine the chaos in my soul, the loss and all the heartache, but I think God has been working. I pray you hear from Him and you find some relief to get you through each day. Your actions with your daughter were so beautiful - you are a wonderful mom and Megan is with you in your heart. All that love you have for Megan will certainly be appreciated by others on this earth one day. rosemary

Michelle - posted on 03/04/2013

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I have sat here and cried my heart out with you all. When I first arrived in the er to find my daughter lying on the gurney, her lifeless broken body, I knew my life had ended. I sat at top and cradled her head in my arms. I gently kissed her forehead and ran my fingers over her face. A couple hours later the nurse came in and said "mom, it's time to go". I have since prayed many times for God to take my life. He already took the largest part of me, why won't he take the rest. I feel your pain, the emptiness consumes us. I am scared and I a have found fear is paralyzing. Where does anyone go from here? To my beautiful daughter Megan, I love you more than life itself and miss you so much. Meet you on the other side
Michelle

Rosemary - posted on 03/03/2013

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This posting is for Michelle: Dear Sweet Michelle, I'm so very sorry for your loss. We are both in the same boat. I too, felt like I was in hell but after 8 months of this I am slowly climbing out of there. There are no words to comfort a grieving mom and I don't know what you think of God. All I can do is share my own experience - I have been pleading for healing and some kind of resolve with my broken heart. I have found some peace and answers through God despite initially being quite angry and hopeless. I look forward to seeing my beautiful daughter again and I am realizing my heart may be broken but my spirit can still be strong. It is a personal journey - I hope and pray for you that you will experience supernatural healing, strength and comfort and a new appreciation of life in the most unbelievably desperate, dark and painful situation. rosemary

Michelle - posted on 03/03/2013

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My name is Michelle. I lost my daughter Megan January 8th. She was only 22 years old. I told my husband that I feel as if we have been sentenced to a life in prison in the pits of hell with no parole for the remaining days of our lives. She like so many of your own relationships was my best friend. She was my world and completed me. I know I died along with her, my body just has not fallen over yet. How can there ever be joy or happiness again? She just graduated early with honors from clarion university in dec. we recently received her acceptance letter for kent state as she was going on for her masters. I just do not have a will to go on without her

Linda - posted on 01/21/2013

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Hi, not sure if you still go on this site ause it's been 3-4 years...but i was wondering how this works....like being in a circle..how do you get started in that....any help would be great..thanks

Victoria - posted on 01/14/2013

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Dear Linda
I wish I could say yes, but like you and your daughter, Ally and I were best friends. We shared a love for the arts, theatre and writing but we were also the biggest goofballs around. It's been mere weeks for me and there were so many mistakes made that resulted in Ally's death that I can't say that it gets easier. I can tell you that I was sobbing everyday so hard that I would vomit, that's stopped. I cry everyday still but not all day. I still miss her every minute and I can't find the strength to live my life yet but I have a lot of guilt even though I did nothing wrong, It's like you said, it's our job to protect our children and I feel like I failed her. Maybe some of the other moms that are a little further along in the grieving process would be able to answer your question. I can only share my personal journey. So far it's been lonely, dark and devastating. But I have heard that although the pain never leaves you it becomes a more bearable pain.
Talk to you soon, Victoria

Linda - posted on 01/14/2013

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Victoria..Thank you for sharing not only that beautiful poem but your story with me...It brought tears to me eyes....I can only hope for a bit of relief throughout my day.....My tears still flow fast and my heart feels empty...I ask does it get easier as the days go on ??

Victoria - posted on 01/14/2013

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Dear Linda. I am so very sorry for the loss of your daughter. My daughter's death was also unexpected and the shock has still not worn off. It's been 4 and 1/2 months now and I still expect her to walk through the door. The police came to tell me that my Ally was gone. She was at a cottage when she died from a rare benign brain tumour. They had jumped to the conclusion that it was an overdose even though during the autopsy no drugs were found in her system. All I can say is grieve, cry and do what you need to do to get through the day. And then do it the next and the next. I haven't come to terms with Ally's death and I'm not sure if I ever will. But we have to go on if not for ourselves for the people around us that love and need us. I've posted this prayer/poem before but I'll do it again for you.
Death is nothing at all.
I have only slipped away to the next room.
I am I and you are you.
Whatever we were to each other,
That, we still are.

Call me by my old familiar name.
Speak to me in the easy way
which you always used.
Put no difference into your tone.
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.

Laugh as we always laughed
at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me. Pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word
that it always was.
Let it be spoken without effect.
Without the trace of a shadow on it.

Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same that it ever was.
There is absolute unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind
because I am out of sight?

I am but waiting for you.
For an interval.
Somewhere. Very near.
Just around the corner.

I have part of this poem tattooed on my back along with Ally's favourite flowers-Gerber daisies I have the last 6 lines and her name Alexandra Elyse and the date of her birth and death. She was 21. And my life stopped the day her's did. I'm now trying to create a new life but it's so very difficult.
Take care
Love, Victoria

Linda - posted on 01/14/2013

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...I am so sorry for your loss...I am writing to you because I too have lost my daughter...On December 16th 2012 , nine ...days before Christmas...My heart is broken and I feel helpless and lost...
Here's how I lost my daughter....On December 14th 2012 I received a phone call telling me my 20 yr old daughter had been rushed to the hospital....That same night i was told she would not make it through the night...but she did...The doctors said she had a very rare bacterial infection called strep A...The next morning arrived, she seemed to be doing much better ( still on life support)
As the day went on the nurses and doctors were surprised she seemed to be pulling through. Then another night passed .I never left her side for 2 nights and three days..going without any sleep, they finally told me i had to leave to get some sleep because if she pulls through i needed my strength...I was ok with this because of the progress she was making...They were about to do a cat scan on her, so i decided to wait till the results came back before i left...Mind you the whole time i was very concerned about her brain.....Just to back up a little....When she was found she had swallowed her own vomit ( she had been sick and was fighting the flu ) she was not breathing and they got no response from her..
When they were about to go over the results with us ,they first handed me her jewelry...I knew that something was wrong because i thought to myself " why now" As I looked in the corner of her room I also noticed that they had not put her back on the dialysis machine to which they were to do after she cam back from her cat scan.......It turned out that she had no brain activity.....
My heart hit the ground..I have never in my life been so scared as I was at that second.....So I did what any mother would do, I climbed into her bed and I held her for 3 and a half hours before letting go..I held her in my arms as I did the day she was born..I held her while she took her first breathe and now I held her while she took her last..
Like I said I feel helpless as a mother..I feel that it was my job to protect her and help make her better she she was sick and I failed at it....Is there any advise you can give me???
Thank you for listening
Linda

Victoria - posted on 12/10/2012

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I'm sorry your relationship couldn't withstand the sadness and loss you both suffered. I'm very lucky in that department. My husband is kind, generous and was and is the best dad a child could ever hope for. He's also a wonderful husband who has been my biggest and strongest support. I don't think I could have gotten thru these last few months without him. I also have a twenty year old daughter to think about. So I guess were trying to be strong for each other. I hope you have family and friends that can help with the dark times. Take care, Victoria

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Vic



My partner and I r not together anymore it killed r relationship to look at each other only reminded us of wat happened so we parted. I know u will find a way through this u seem strong. My words i know will not help but i thought that maybe a similar tale might say more than words!

Victoria - posted on 12/09/2012

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Peter, Thank-you for your kind words. She really was my best friend. I was so proud to be her mom and I was more than proud about the relationship we had. I don't know many mom's and daughters who were as close as we were. She was a part of me and always will be. I know in my heart I will see her again, it's just getting through the next few decades that will hurt the most. Take care Victoria.

How's your partner handling this?

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I feel the same, if only the doctors had tested may partner then i would not be here either. You will carry this pain for the rest of you life, I dont feel bad telling you this. But believe me u will come to terms with this at some point prob not soon but in time. The pain you feel is a testament as to how much you loved her. All you can do is take a day at a time.

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