Just had a miscarriage............how long until everything's ok again?

Brandy - posted on 12/07/2009 ( 13 moms have responded )

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Hi everyone. I am kinda new to this. Here's my story...about 3 months ago I never had a positive pregnancy test, but experienced everything as if it was a miscarriage. I then spoke with my OB/GYN and he stated that I probably had one but it was too late to do any testing to see if it was true that my quantitative HCG would have already been back to "0".



And then now, 2 months later. I finally got the postitive pregnancy test. We have been trying for over 6 months, I was diagnosed with PCOS, which of course made it difficult to ovulate. We were so blessed to get pregnant, thankful, excited, and so happy. Around 6 days later I went for my 1st OB visit and one thing led to another and didn't get the results we had hoped for on being pregnant. Later that evening, I began spotting. Which a couple hours later got completely worse. Within a couple days I had more lab work done and it showed what I was completely scared of..........we were having a miscarriage. I was only around 5 weeks along.



Now, I am an emotional wreck. Today the bleeding has finally stopped. So my constant reminder of what was really occurring is no longer there. But I get comments from people telling me that I'll get pregnant again soon, something was wrong with the pregnancy, it will happen when the timing is right. People......that is not the right thing to say to me!!!! Right now, I am upset that I am no longer pregnant. It's not fair. I walked into my OB/GYN's office and get to sit with 13 year olds pregnant with the BFs giggling by their side and meth addicts pregnant. While me, who had a planned pregnancy and wanted the child from before it was even there.....doesn't have a successful pregnancy. be true, but it's not the right timinYes all those comments may g to say them. I just need to know from my friends and family that I am not alone and it's ok to feel an emotional wreck. I am being treated as if this pregnancy really didn't occur because I was only 5 weeks pregnant. Since I wasn't that far along, I really shouldn't have had that much of an attatchment. WRONG!!! The day we found out we lost our baby, my own mother calls me......instead of checking in on me she was asking me about my 2 1/2 year old daughters Christmas List and if she had a certain toy. Then later that evening sent me an email stating that the reason I lost my child was because I took the h1n1 vaccine...............which was off the wall and not true. I work in a local NICU and know better than that. Thankfully I have a wonderful supportive husband through all of this. And a daughter to help distract me. Some days are better than others. More bad days than good though. I can't seem to get motivated, I want to just sleep all day and not think about what's going on. But I do try to get up and going. I guess I'm slipping into a depression. Can anyone relate???



My question is everyone...........when will things get back to normal? When will my feelings of loss and grief begin to go away? When did yours? Any suggestions.............other than saying "move on". Please help.



Thanks.

-Brandy

13 Comments

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Jennifer - posted on 05/03/2011

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I can totally relate to people saying things they may think are helpful or appropriate but are really hurtful. Your mom acted a lot like my mom, just ignoring the situation or minimizing it. I think people of that generation were told that is the way to handle it. Of course you are depressed, that is normal. It took me about six months before I really started having a day when I really felt truly positive about life. I don't say move on, because there is no moving on, only coping. When things get back to "normal" is a really individual thing. Since we lost a baby at 20 weeks, it has been a new "normal". Things will never go back to being the way they were before we lost our son. My husband and I both looked at pregnant women and thought "why do they get a healthy baby and we lost ours?" especially people who really aren't parent material! All of this is totally normal. I started therapy less than a month after we lost our son so I could get support and guidance. I made my husband come with me since he didn't see the point in going, but it saved our relationship and helped me a lot to have a place where I would be validated and understood without fear of being judged. Stand your ground on validating your feelings and see about a support group or a therapist to give you a place to talk about your experiences.

Bonnie - posted on 05/01/2011

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I understand how you feel. I was 5 weeks along and lost the baby, and nearly my own life too. A ruptured tubal pregnancy. My husband, family and friends were really supportive. They knew I really wanted the baby. It wasn't a good time, but I didn't care. God can fix things. Babies don't always come along at a good time. I would have been due next month. I had purchased some baby clothes in expectation of baby's arrival. Just glad everyday to be alive. Yes, I want another, and still wonder what that baby was going to be. It took me some months to get over occasional bouts of sadness. I had to concentrate on caring for the boys I have. My eldest has high functioning autism, and I am trying to be a good advocate to make sure he gets his needs taken care of.

My husband and I plan on trying again for another baby within a year. The fear is still in the back of my mind, but I put my faith in God.

I had my doctor check me out, and it turned out that it was just a super rare thing that happened to me. With my one ovary and tube, there shouldn't be a problem, but I will be considered high risk for watching where the next baby ends up growing. After a regular pregnancy I should be in the clear, just for that problem. My two previous live born son's were delivered cesarean, due to breech and other issues, I had gestation diabetes. Hugs and love sent your way, that your meds will help you get pregnant, and have a great pregnancy and delivery success.

Stacey - posted on 04/30/2011

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i had a miscarriage 8 months ago and i still have bad days.. time does make it a lil better but there is still some days i miss my one and old child :( we have been trying again now for 4 months and nothing.. i wish i could tell you it would all be ok.... it helps me to talk about my child.. the thing i hate the most is when people at like it did not happen.. i always say i have one child but it is angel and hope to have more... i hope you take care.

Cheyenne - posted on 04/28/2011

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im sorry for your losses. to be honest, it will probably never go away. ive had 2 miscarriages myself before my son and they were both within 5 months of eachother. after my 2nd miscarriage i didnt think i could even get pregnant again, i got pregnant a month after having my miscarriage. and i was scared to death that i would lose my son.now im expecting #2 and i have those feelings all over again. i always think about the 2 babies i lost. i always think what would they have been? could i have done something different? but im just happy i have my son and if this pregnancy doesnt work out(i hope and pray that it will) hten god has blessed me with at least 1 child to care for. i know its hard and i know you love your daughter but just give it time. it will happen. make it fun dont make it work because you will stress yourself even more. i hope everything works out for you and if you wanna talk more send me a message.

Stacia - posted on 12/07/2009

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If you ever need to talk, you have my number! It doesn't matter how far along you were, that was your baby and that loss will always be with you but does get easier with time. The ornament is a wonderful idea. I have a necklace that says "Mother of an Angel" that I wear all of the time to help with my loss. Your mom should have asked how you were, however; if she has never had a miscarriage, she probably doesn't have a clue what you are going through! Hooray for your supportive husband. Call if you need to talk!

Bekki - posted on 12/07/2009

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Quoting Brandy:

Thank you so much girls for your words of encouragement and direction. I am so sorry about each of your losses as well. No one really understands until you really go through it yourself. As for medication: I have been on Metformin for 3 months. Since our loss, my OB/GYN & I discussed and he decided he thought it would be best to cycle for a month and then begin Clomid as well. However, of course we are scared of the what if's. But I won't get anywhere if I set and ponder the what if's. So today my husband & I went out and purchased a Christmas ornament for the baby. We wanted something that would help us cope and be meaningful. So the ornament we got is a Willow Tree series called "thinking of you". I never thought something so small and simple would mean so much. But it does.


 



 



Good good.. The what if's get smaller with Clomid.. Seriously. The benefits are amazing. I had absolutely no problems with my second pregnancy .. but my first pregnancy he almost didnt make it.. he tried coming out at 3 months and then i got stuck on bed rest for 6 months.. gained over 100 pounds.. Im considered very high risk but with the clomid making my cycles work out and my eggs work better.. amazing..



 



You have higher chances of getting pregnant and higher chances of a viable egg being fertilized with clomid.. Much luck to you on your endeavor i hope everything works out and you make the best decision for you and your family!

Brandy - posted on 12/07/2009

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Thank you so much girls for your words of encouragement and direction. I am so sorry about each of your losses as well. No one really understands until you really go through it yourself. As for medication: I have been on Metformin for 3 months. Since our loss, my OB/GYN & I discussed and he decided he thought it would be best to cycle for a month and then begin Clomid as well. However, of course we are scared of the what if's. But I won't get anywhere if I set and ponder the what if's. So today my husband & I went out and purchased a Christmas ornament for the baby. We wanted something that would help us cope and be meaningful. So the ornament we got is a Willow Tree series called "thinking of you". I never thought something so small and simple would mean so much. But it does.

Bekki - posted on 12/07/2009

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I have the EXACT same problem as you. I didn't find out in time. I had about.. 12 miscarriages.. estimating about 16 since i was 18.. In 2003 i was pregnant, 4 and a half months along.. with what we thought was one baby.. Went for doppler and the heartbeat was gone.. The very next day one baby came out bit by bit.. later that night a full baby that we didnt even know was there came out at home.

Over the last few hears i have had so many miscarriages that i was tested and diagnosed with PCOD/PCOS. I went on Clomid and metformin for fertility treatment to have my second son.. He is now 22 months old and healthy. The best advice i can give you from having been where you are and im still there.. USE CONDOMS. DO NOT TRY to have another baby. Get in touch with your doctor and get put on clomid to get pregnant. Without the drugs i would have had another miscarriage because of the eggs having sat waiting to ovulate fully.. That is what is happening to you. With the clomid your body will have regular ovulation cycles and give you drastically better chances to not only get pregnant, but to carry to term with a healthy viable egg having been fertilized.. your currently fertilizing eggs that could never form into a healthy embryo.
Feel free to add me.. we have a lot in common and i can help you any way i can.. i am also a week off from becoming a nurse so i better understand what was happening to my eggs..

User - posted on 12/07/2009

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My first loss i was 35 week pregnant ,and then i went on to have 5 more losses at different stages.Luckly i already had 2 children that kept me going,i just kept trying and hoped for the best and expected the worst.And luckly i went on to have a healthy boy and only then i felt better, you never forget the ones you lose but having my son really softend the pain of my loseing the others.And yes at times people say hurtful silly things my son jack who died at 35 weeks was born and died on xmas eve and not one of our family talk about him ,and that really hurts but people just do not understand such a loss unless it happens to them,i hope you go on to have another baby try to stay strong and dont give up as people told me to do because if i had of i would not have my son.

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