Wanting to be pregnant again so badly!

Libby - posted on 01/25/2009 ( 12 moms have responded )

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I lost my daughter at 20 weeks almost 8 weeks ago. I am wanting to be pregnant again so badly. However, I am having tests done so I can make an educated decision rather than an emotional one. I had an easy 1st pregnancy, complicated 2nd one with a 10 week early preemie, then lost our daughter last month. With the complications I had with her I knew I could handle another preemie if it came down to that. But I wasn't prepared for losing her all together. She was going to complete our family. Now I find myself wanting another one very soon. We wanted to be done having kids by age 30...that's only 8 months away for me. I know that's still young, but when we were planning our family that's what we said was 30. Now I know that's not set in stone, and my husband has agreed to trying again. Which I was surprised about because I thought he might not want to try again because he was on the fence about having a 3rd one because of our complicated 2nd pregnancy. But he has agreed to try again and we are waiting for some tests to come back. However, we have not used any protection these last several weeks but I'm leaving this all in God's hands at this point. I have even thought that maybe we shouldn't just have one more but maybe two more. I guess I just never thought that the dynamics of our family would change this much after losing her. Am I crazy for wanting to be pregnant again already? Am I still too emotional to make a rational decision? I just don't feel like I need to wait any certain undetermined length of time to declare I'm healed from losing my daughter. Because I know I will never be completely healed, I will always miss her. Any thoughts on trying again?

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Diane - posted on 06/08/2013

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I lost my Decklan to stillbirth, like you, at 20 weeks. I wanted to be pregnant again so bad, but that is normal at the beginning. Looking back, I wanted to be pregnant again to feel "normal" to make things the way they were. To be honest with you, things got worse for me, before they got better. I developed post-partum issues 3 months later and had a total meltdown after Christmas. I thought the worst was the day I lost him. But sadly it was not. With 2 years of perspective behind me, I would caution you to wait at least a year, especially since you are only 30. You will have emotions down the road that you can not anticipate now. You need to take time to truly greave the child you lost. That simply can not be done in 8 weeks. Please take my advice and wait.

Libby - posted on 01/26/2009

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Quoting Holly:



Wow! You are describing all of my current feelings! I had an easy 1st pregnancy with my wonderful , almost 10yr old, son.  A bit tougher with Grandy.  He arrived 10 weeks early then died 10 weeks after that.  Grandy passed away in August and I am so extremely eager to become pregnant again.  It is hard each time the test is negative. As for age I am 37... and praying that God will grant us another miracle.  I am scared as well but it sounds as though you have a wonderful family beside you.  Stick together and what ever is in the stars for us will happen... God bless you






That's ironic Holly, because the first time I read my feelings that someone else had written in a book that I got from the hospital, I knew I wasn't the only one!  It feels better to KNOW that someone else feels the way you do.  I can totally understand why you feel so eager to want another since you are 37.  I'm not even 30 yet and I feel like I want it NOW!  But I'm wondering if part of that is the whole emotional desire of it.  I'm sure it is.  But I know I can't replace my Trina.  Nobody and nothing ever can.  She died 22 days before Christmas and I was so tired of hearing "what do you want for Christmas?"  Because if it was that easy to fix things or replace her I would've asked everybody for my little girl.  But nobody could get me what I wanted.  I know she is waiting for me, but until then I have to find some way to live this life without her.  I want to complete our family.  Whether it be with one or two more little ones running around in our home, I just want to see what God has in store for us.  But I'm an impatient person.  I want it now!  I buy a new pair of shoes and I like to wear them out of the store!  I don't know how not to want another baby.  I've always had that desire to want to be a mother and be pregnant.  I always felt jipped that I gave birth to our 2nd child 10 weeks early.  I missed out on 10 glorious weeks of pregnancy.  Even though it was a difficult pregnancy I loved being pregnant and becoming a mommy.  Now I would give anything to have another little preemie that I could take care of.  In your situaiton your preemie didn't make it and I am so sorry for that.  I don't know what your situation was but I had problems from the beginning of my 2nd trimester.  They thought I was going to deliver at 25 weeks, and thank goodness they gave me steriods for his lungs then and he held out another 5 weeks before he was born.  And yes he was little at 2lbs & 14 ozs but he was healthy.  I would've given anything to have a 30 weeker instead of a 20 weeker this last time because I know at 20 weeks there is no hope.  At 25 weeks with my son they said 50/50 chance if he had been born then.  I would've taken that over a zero chance.  Well, now I'm just rambling on.  But thank you for reminding me that other people feel the same way I do.  And only someone who has been there and felt this way can understand my want and desire to be a mommy again.  Thank you.

Teri - posted on 01/26/2009

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Yes, you will always miss her and although our Bethany was not planned we wanted her, when she died I wanted so much to have another baby right away. I was told I needed to wait 6 months for my body to heal, I had a radical C-section and infection. But finally having Emily after trying for some time was worth it. She was not a replacement for our loss, however having her brought new joy to our home and family. I still miss Bethany but am so glad we made the decison to add another baby to our family.



Teri

"I'll cry, or maybe stop someday, or just run out of tears."

"Wait for me, I'll be there soon."

Holly - posted on 01/26/2009

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Wow! You are describing all of my current feelings! I had an easy 1st pregnancy with my wonderful , almost 10yr old, son.  A bit tougher with Grandy.  He arrived 10 weeks early then died 10 weeks after that.  Grandy passed away in August and I am so extremely eager to become pregnant again.  It is hard each time the test is negative. As for age I am 37... and praying that God will grant us another miracle.  I am scared as well but it sounds as though you have a wonderful family beside you.  Stick together and what ever is in the stars for us will happen... God bless you

Libby - posted on 01/25/2009

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Ok Charlene, I posted a response but it didn't show up.  If it doesn't I didn't want you to think that I didn't appreciate your reply.  I know that my heart will always ache for my daughter.  I just wasn't sure if I was being too emotional and selfish for wanting another baby right away or not, especially since I already have two wonderful boys.  I just have had a lot of changes lately and just trying to figure out what my future is going to be.  I thought it was going to be with a little girl to raise.  Either way I'm scared.  Scared I won't have anymore.  Scared I will have problems again.  Scared I will lose another child.  And scared I won't have another daughter (that's me being selfish).  Wish God would tell me what my future holds.

Libby - posted on 01/25/2009

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Mary Ann, thanks so much for replying.  It sorta helps to know I'm not crazy for thinking my whole family dynamics have been changed by this.  I definetly don't see me having seven, but it just seemed weird to me that all of the sudden I'm not "done" having kids like I thought I was.  When I was having complications with my daughter I emphatically told a friend that I was done, she would be the last one.  Now that she's not here, I want more.  Atleast one, maybe two.  And you said you have seven, so who knows...maybe 3 more for me!  Ha ha!  Here's my things about waiting.  I had trouble getting pregnant in the 1st place.  We tried for over a year for #3.  Did fertility stuff and nothing happened.  Then it got stressful and I sorta gave up.  I had my tonsils out and then decided to work on myself and I lost 40 pounds.  I have PCOS and apparently losing some weight flipped a switch and I got pregnant!  Now I'm worried that it won't happen.  And I heard you are more fertile the first few months after losing a baby, so I feel like if I don't try now then maybe it won't happen.  I really should wait until my test results come back but then I will miss a whole month because I think I'm ovulating now and I was suppose to have my test results on Friday and now they said next week.  Ugh!  I'm just worried it won't happen and I want to try now.  But no matter what it is up to God. 

Libby - posted on 01/25/2009

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Mary Ann, thanks so much for replying.  It sorta helps to know I'm not crazy for thinking my whole family dynamics have been changed by this.  I definetly don't see me having seven, but it just seemed weird to me that all of the sudden I'm not "done" having kids like I thought I was.  When I was having complications with my daughter I emphatically told a friend that I was done, she would be the last one.  Now that she's not here, I want more.  Atleast one, maybe two.  And you said you have seven, so who knows...maybe 3 more for me!  Ha ha!  Here's my things about waiting.  I had trouble getting pregnant in the 1st place.  We tried for over a year for #3.  Did fertility stuff and nothing happened.  Then it got stressful and I sorta gave up.  I had my tonsils out and then decided to work on myself and I lost 40 pounds.  I have PCOS and apparently losing some weight flipped a switch and I got pregnant!  Now I'm worried that it won't happen.  And I heard you are more fertile the first few months after losing a baby, so I feel like if I don't try now then maybe it won't happen.  I really should wait until my test results come back but then I will miss a whole month because I think I'm ovulating now and I was suppose to have my test results on Friday and now they said next week.  Ugh!  I'm just worried it won't happen and I want to try now.  But no matter what it is up to God. 

Libby - posted on 01/25/2009

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Mary Ann, thanks so much for replying.  It sorta helps to know I'm not crazy for thinking my whole family dynamics have been changed by this.  I definetly don't see me having seven, but it just seemed weird to me that all of the sudden I'm not "done" having kids like I thought I was.  When I was having complications with my daughter I emphatically told a friend that I was done, she would be the last one.  Now that she's not here, I want more.  Atleast one, maybe two.  And you said you have seven, so who knows...maybe 3 more for me!  Ha ha!  Here's my things about waiting.  I had trouble getting pregnant in the 1st place.  We tried for over a year for #3.  Did fertility stuff and nothing happened.  Then it got stressful and I sorta gave up.  I had my tonsils out and then decided to work on myself and I lost 40 pounds.  I have PCOS and apparently losing some weight flipped a switch and I got pregnant!  Now I'm worried that it won't happen.  And I heard you are more fertile the first few months after losing a baby, so I feel like if I don't try now then maybe it won't happen.  I really should wait until my test results come back but then I will miss a whole month because I think I'm ovulating now and I was suppose to have my test results on Friday and now they said next week.  Ugh!  I'm just worried it won't happen and I want to try now.  But no matter what it is up to God. 

Charlene - posted on 01/25/2009

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Libby,  you will know when the time is right.  You are not crazy for wanting to have another, when I lost me son Jason to SIDS, I so much wanted another.  Allow your self the grace and peace to know that you wanting another baby is perfectly natural.  As for healing from the loss of your daughter, only time will ease the pain.  It may never go away but it will get a little easier.

Mary Ann - posted on 01/25/2009

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Libby,  I lost my second child, a girl, at 28 weeks.  I delivered her, we held her, and we buried her.    The doctors said I should wait at least five months before trying again.  I was so devastated, that I immediately started trying again.  Mary Grace died April 15th, and Luke was born April 22nd.  I have to admit, that I worried the entire pregnancy.  But, everything turned out fine.  I just gave birth to number seven in september of 08.  Sometimes, I think the reason we had so many was the loss of that one little girl.  We never said we wanted a big family, it just happenned.  I have had seven c-sections and one natural.  I think leaving it open to God is just  the answer.  He will see you through.  Good Luck, I will keep you in my prayers.

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