How to cope with the mood swings.

Angel - posted on 09/05/2009 ( 7 moms have responded )

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My son has ADHD and may be bipolar as well. I have such a hard time coping with his mood swings, especially the tantrums. Does anyone have any suggestions for when he gets angry and starts with the "you don't love me" and "just kill me then"?

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[deleted account]

i have heard things like that from my son since he was about 3 or 4 years old. i have just learned to ignore them in a sense and not take them personal. the times that my now 11 almost twelve year old son has and will still say those sorts of things to me out of an emotional response to something. weather it be a tantrum or just a bad mood. in our sake it seems to be used as a tool of manipulation either to get his way or to hurt back. so if he says he hates me i say i love him. if he says he wants to die or for someone to kill him or to kill himself i tell him that it would be a permanant solution to a temporary problem and that i dont want to hear talk like that. i tell him that no one is allowed to hurt him not even himself. and try just to reiterate that he is loved and usually have to let him have some time to cool off. that is what i do to cope with words that could rip your heart out, you just cant let it. but in any sense they are screaming to feel loved and need to hear it......btw his room is green too :)

Rhonda - posted on 10/15/2009

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I just went throught this tonight. Usually MM is needing attention when she says things like that. It is very hard to hear. I just tell her that I do love her and will always love her no matter what she does. Then after giving her a few minutes to calm down I try to re-direct her attention to something she enjoys doing. When she gets really bad with the "I just want to die" and "I wish I were never born" stuff, I have to be careful because she has tried to hurt herself. I have had to hold her down to keep her from hurting me or herself. I have been bit, kicked, hit, pinched, head butted, spit on, etc. But, if I let her go she will run out the door to the street and try to run in front of a car. Or go for a knife or some other weapon. Whatever is within reach. I hate this angry mood that usually comes after the happy manic mood.

Wendy - posted on 09/11/2009

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Wow! Those are strong, painful words. I have never heard those words from my son, but if I did, I would stop in my tracks and let him know how much I love him while holding him.

How old is your son? Mine is 11 and was diagnosed ADHD combined w/ Mood Disorder two years ago. Since then I have learned to change the way I communicate with him. Such as recognizing when I've pushed him too hard and back off then try to lighten the mood and make him laugh. Then sometimes he will comply and do as asked. When he does go into a tantrum, I try my best not to react and suggest that he go sit in his room til he can calm down.We painted his room a warm green to help calm his mood, it seems to work. I discovered it by looking up "Color Therapy".

I hope that this was somewhat helpful to you. Best Wishes, Wendy

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Melissa - posted on 12/17/2009

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yes i totally agree with janette! Her advice is awesome. I say the same to my spouse. If he says he doesnt know if he loves me and he why dont i pack my bags and move out and i say i love him totally and completely. He wonders why i would love him because of the way he is. I think your son's "you don't love me" is just him coming to terms with his illness and figuring what you see that is so special about him. He's probably struggling with that. I wouldn't ignore him or give too much attention for it...the situation needs to be addressed and comments like that usually do mean that your son might need a little one--on-one attention from you.

Liza - posted on 10/25/2009

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My son use to do this when he was in 2nd grade he is now a freshmen in HS but he use to climb out onto the roof and said he wanted to die because no one loved him. My god how my heart broke, I still tear up now. Now this depends on how old your son is but if he is younger, elementary school, ask him "Why do you feel I dont love you" try to get him to think of a reason, or maybe this could be an insight as to something small you could change to appease him, I mean like have a snack and spend some time to just sit with him, type of deal. Discipline has to remain constant but the biggest key is patience. Never lose you cool mom. I know some will think I am crazy but trust me I still have scars ... I still suffer from insomnia and I had started smoking to release stress... but my baby is doing well now and thank god the problems we have now with him are minor because there is no way I could hold him down or drag him off the roof now.

Liza - posted on 10/25/2009

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How are you doing now? My son is 14 now and I am thankful we have not had a real angry gonna hurt someone episode in almost a year. All I can say to you is patience and love is all we can give them. After the tornado dont forget to take a deep breath and think of something you daughter has done that made you laugh. Trust me it helps.

[deleted account]

My son also has both and also learning disabilities. We had taken him to a dr who put him on ADHD meds they worked for maybe a week or so then it was like he was back to square one. We finally got him into Childrens Specialized Hospital and we were told that the reason the ADHD meds werent working for any length of time was because the bi-polar was more sever than the ADHD. He is now on Abilify and he has had such a dramatic change in his behavior outlook and compassion. The tantrums have stoped and the mood swings only happen at night when he gets really tired. We are also in therapy and it all seems to be working together. Hope this helps because the adhd may not be as severe like my sons and the bi-polar more severe hope this helps. Good luck.

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