Hello and help..

Amanda - posted on 12/07/2009 ( 6 moms have responded )




My beautiful baby girl was born last week... the 3rd. This is obviously my first week home and it just keeps getting harder and even though its an open adoption and I have become very close with the adoptive parents, I am now 2nd guessing my decision. I miss her so much and I know that right now just financially affording to take care of her would be very difficult and I dont want to hurt the adoptive parents. But I just dont know if I can do this or not. I dont have anyone that I can talk to and I just dont know how to cope with all this. Her father is a marine stationed at camp lejuene and couldnt help me raise her although he was willing to pay child support, but he was very supportive of the adoption but he just isnt there for me emotionally. So how did you all get through this very difficult first few weeks and what did you do to help ease the hurt, pain and second guessing???


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Jacqueline - posted on 07/15/2010




I know it is hard, I hope this helps!

I was 15 when I place my daughter she is now 18 & we are getting to know each other better!

Her adopted mom and I shared letters & pic's through the last 18 years and even some gifts!

I was very young and knew it would not be the best choice for her to stay with me because I couldn't even get a job. She is so wonderful! She has had a wonderful life! She starts college in the fall in the pre-med honors program with a full scholarship! She spent 11 months in Thailand as a foreign ex-change student.


Lesley - posted on 06/30/2010




i have a daughter that have been put up for adoption and its still hard every day esp since i have another daughter who reminds me of her.....all i keep reminding my self is that i did what was best for her

Anna Marie - posted on 06/06/2010




Hello Amanda,

I know exactly how you feel. I actually tried to get my daughter back. in my jurisdiction we are allowed 14 days to change our mind and get our babies back, but the social worker told me I had 3-4 months. So when I asked for my baby back (6 weeks after she was placed) I was told I couldn't have my daughter back.

I've found a really great group of ladies on line called the Canadian Council of Natural Mothers http://www.ccnm-mothers.ca/ has been a life-line for me.

Ashlee - posted on 05/22/2010




Although I never second guessed my decision, I will say it was very hard for me. I cried myself to sleep for months because I just felt this huge void in my heart. Although most said I was torturing myself, it helped for me to look at pictures of Jackson with Lynne and Jason. To see how happy they were and to know that I gave them that happiness makes everything worth while. It's going to be extremely hard, make no mistake about that. But in all honesty, when I see the love and adoration they have for Jackson, as well as the thankfulness and respect they have for me, it makes me feel better. It's an open adoption on our end too, give it a little while before you see her though. Talking to other birthmoms and maybe a counselor will help. Take care!

Trista - posted on 04/18/2010




I put my son up for adoption 15 years ago. I too questioned my decision. I found a counselor to help me through it (I was 17 and didn't get along with my parents). Since you are close with the adoptive parents, talk to them about how she is doing. It hurts, but you did the most unselfish thing anyone could do.
Feel free to contact me anytime.

Tanya - posted on 02/09/2010




I have a 7 year old son I put up for adoption when he was born. I suffered through undiagnosed post pardum depression and was in a horrible relationship at the time. I had some support from my mother but not much. We never talked about the situation or anything so it made it harder. I was fairly close with the adoptive parents before he was born so they would call me or I would call them and talk about how he was doing. It was so hard and hurt so much to know that I had to make that choice and not raise him myself. I am still in so much pain. At first it is really hard to deal with it all but in time it does get somewhat easier. Ever 6 months or so I get pictures and a letter but it doesn't help the fact that I never got to hear his first words or see him in a swing for the first time. I can't focus on that I have to keep reminding myself that it really was the best choice for him. I couldn't be selfish and keep him when I had no money, family or support. Always remind yourself of the reasons you chose to put up your baby girl. If you want to keep in touch send me a message. I really hope this helps. ♥ Tanya

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