My daughter hates me

Grace - posted on 10/22/2016 ( 3 moms have responded )

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My daughter was molested by her stepdad when she was 8. I found out about it when she was 16 because she told a friend and her mother called CPS. She is now 25 and she is still filled with so much rage toward me. She breaks my heart. I divorced her stepdad over it but she can't let go. I had her in therapy for a year after I found out I want us to heal, but don't know how.

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Dianetayman - posted on 08/19/2018

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This is to Dawn: The shame is real. Shame is a form of hell. It is so hard for we moms to forgive ourselves of the past. We pay such a price. It is so hard for our children to forgive us. Forgiveness takes time. Healing cannot begin until forgiveness is established. You are 70 now and carrying the burden of shame still and remorse and it is anguish. May that anguish and shame dissolve and you be filled with peace at the age you are.

Dianetayman - posted on 08/19/2018

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I found out too late, too. God knows what the stepdad told her. Perhaps he lied to her and said you knew. The anger in her is real. Her childhood was robbed from her. Anger, hate, rage, wrath, you name it. Her emotions are out of control. You as mom can only be patient, adore her, love her unconditionally, pray for her. If it was not you in her life, she would be filled with anger toward whoever was closest to her. As long as there is breath within her there is so much hope for her. My child was not healed from the trauma until age 36. It takes decades in many cases. I call childhood sexual abuse the attempt to kill a soul.

Dawn - posted on 10/21/2017

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My story is so similar to yours..my daughter was also 8 and molested until 16. I also left her step dad. She is now 30 and has 2 older brothers. The boys did not want me to have a relationship with the step dad when they first met him, they did not trust him....and they were right. the oldest son does not speak to me at all, and the younger one will, but feels I deserted them and put their sister in this horrible situation, and they are right. I am now 70 years old and actually live in my daughters home. She has a lot of legitimate resentment toward me because of the step dad, and even how my separation and divorce from her biological father went down. We do struggle. But we do have a relationship. I love her and my granddaughters so much. But I have a lot of shame to deal with..so hard

Dawn - posted on 10/21/2017

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My story is so similar to yours..my daughter was also 8 and molested until 16. I also left her step dad. She is now 30 and has 2 older brothers. The boys did not want me to have a relationship with the step dad when they first met him, they did not trust him....and they were right. the oldest son does not speak to me at all, and the younger one will, but feels I deserted them and put their sister in this horrible situation, and they are right. I am now 70 years old and actually live in my daughters home. She has a lot of legitimate resentment toward me because of the step dad, and even how my separation and divorce from her biological father went down. We do struggle. But we do have a relationship. I love her and my granddaughters so much. But I have a lot of shame to deal with..so hard

Felicia - posted on 03/22/2017

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Hi Grace,
I'm very new to all of this, but I want to offer you a word of encouragement. You're not alone, and I believe that healing is possible. My journey toward healing starts now, and am just thinking about where to begin. Therapy for my daughters and me, support forums like this one, reading self-help books, church and faith, and healing/recovery groups in my community. I think it will be a long and gradual road. We need to be kind to ourselves in the process. We can support each other too!

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