Please help, I have no one to turn to for advice/support.

Candi - posted on 09/23/2018 ( no moms have responded yet )

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2 1/2yrs ago I discovered my oldest son (11) had molested my younger son (10). I had just left the house, agreeing to let them stay home while I ran to the office for a bit. Something didn't seem right and so about 20mins later I can back home and discovered it. I can't go into detail, it was too traumatic for me. I immediately called his father (we are divorced) and told him to come pick him up and that I needed to keep the kids seperated for a while. After dropping him with his father, my husband came home from work and stayed with the 10yr old while I went to the day care to talk to my 3yr old daughter. She immediately broke down and said that her oldest brother had touched her and tried to make her do things to him, but that she refused. (Thank God she is such a strong-willed child) I picked her and my 6mo old daughter up from day care and came home. It seemed like a whirl-wind. I called the cops and reported him (for the record, as a mother this is the hardest thing I have ever had to do). It seemed like the next week was a blur as we went from case worker to specialist, to court, and so forth. Fast forward, "L" as we'll call him was charged as a minor, and because of my job and being friends with the D.A., he was only sentenced to 6mos mandatory court ordered therapy. His father at this point was super pissed that I involved the police and was telling "L" that he did nothing wrong and to not speak to the therapist. 6mos go by and he has not finished the therapy course and i threaten to have dad locked up for his part in it. He finally tells "L" to talk when jail time is put on the table for both "L" and himself. 2 psychiatrists and 1yr later, and both tell me that he admitted to touching not just his brother "C" and sister "I", but his baby sister "E", a friends 3yr old and 2 cousins, one of which was a baby as well. I am floored!! I don't understand how my child could do such a thing. This isn't the child I raised. I was pissed, I was hurt, and I was broken. But...I still loved him. Fast forward to now. "L" has completed all court ordered therapy and be released but if he does anything against the law before he turns 18, he goes straight to Juvenile Detention and will have to register as a sex offender. If not, his records seal at 18 and he is free to live his life. I miss him dearly. I do not get to see him, as his father has done a great job of making him believe that I am the reason he was arrested and had to go thru therapy. He made him believe that he was "just being a curious kid". "I" is now 6 and asks why she can't see her brother anymore. She doesn't remember most of what happened, so I've dulled it down to he hurt her and "C" and "E" so he can't come home. "E" sees pictures of him in the house and asks all the time who he is. My husband says "no one", but i'm honest and tell her it's her brother who doesn't live with us. "C" has not forgiven him, but has found a happy place in his own life that he doesn't dwell on what happened and can actually see him in public or at school and not run terrified. Everyone seems to be adjusting to life without him, except for me. I still miss him, I still love him, and it's destroying my life not having him in it. I am depressed, i am bitchy when the subject is brought up, and I feel like my life is forever destroyed and I will go thru life without part of me. My husband and i cannot see eye to eye on this at all. He is fine to act like he never existed, but I can't. He doesn't understand how I can love someone so much who hurt our other children so much. (Mind you, "L" and "C" have the same father my ex husband and "I" and "E" are my husbands) The relationship between "C" and his father has been severed since the day his father called him a liar and blamed him for what was happening "L" with the courts. My husband has since become "C's" father in every sense of the word. I have turned to therapists who have all just wanted to prescribe me depression medication, none have been able to help. I can't find any support groups for parents like me. I am lost. I feel like the only person on an island who can't figure out which boat to take in which direction. My marriage is crumbling and my depression is spiraling. Please help.

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