how far can a parent go, before you loose your cool? topic being BULLING on?

Elizabeth - posted on 02/14/2011 ( 19 moms have responded )

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my son get's bullied on everyday since school started this year for grade 2, they have been bulling him and teaseing him about his face and the teachers don't do nothing about it , untill he blows up at them in a bad way, i am one pissed off mom

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Sonya - posted on 02/28/2011

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Elizabeth - I noticed that you're in Ontario. The Ministry of Education has mandated that schools are a "No Bully" zone. There are steps you have to take in order to address this situation. First you have to talk to the teacher, express how you're feeling and how your child is feeling. If you're unhappy with what the teacher has to say, then you have the right to contact the Principal, who must take your meeting and address this situation with the teacher.

Make sure you read (the whole thing) and print the document that I'm linking you to... it's important you know what you and your child's right are in Ontario. http://www.edu.gov.on.ca/extra/eng/ppm/1...

Take this with you when you go to the school meeting.

Contact the school board or look on their website for their "Bullying Prevention & Intervention" memorandum. It might be called "Safe & Secure Schools" or something to that effect. Every school board MUST produce a document that outlines how they deal with bullying and when it must be reported and to whom. They are legally obligated to follow the outline in the document, so make sure you get a copy of it and read it all.

As a former school board employee, I can tell you that if you go into the school with all your guns blazing, you're not going to get very far. You need to go in prepared, and cool headed. Yes, it's a horrible thing that's happening to your child, but it's best if you make sure that you're in control of the situation when you approach the teacher and/or principal. Don't lose your cool, or you'll lose the respect of the people you're trying to approach.

Make sure that you're documenting who/when/what is said to your son, so you have something to back you up when you talk to the school. Also, make sure you have notes on how this is adversely affecting your son and how he feels after it happens.

If you want to talk more about special needs children in Ontario, feel free to PM me.

Holly - posted on 03/15/2011

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Elizabeth, I have a book series, Revenge of the Dorkoids, that revolves around bullying and responses to it. (Grade 3-6) My daughters were both bullied from 6 grade through 12. So I am trying to make a difference.
First keep a journal of everything. Get a full report from your son everyday. This gives you a paper trail. Go in to talk to the school principal and let him know that he is responsible for keeping your son safe at school and ask him what he will do about the bullying as the teacher is not handling it. The school should have a counselor on staff at least part time. It is the counselor's job to talk to the kids doing the bullying and to your son to help them learn not to bully, and help your child deal with it.
Some proactive things you can do. Help your child develop a social circle at school. Identify a couple of likely kids and invite them to do some fun things with your son. Tell him just to say that you are going, to a movie, paintballing, etc. and that you said he could invite a friend. Teach your son how to reach out to make friends. Most kids need to be taught how to do this. Make a list of ways he can begin conversations and practice with him role playing. Help him learn different things that can be talked about, compliment a person on how good they are at running in PE, compliment a new jacket or shoes or haircut. Teach him to look for things he has in common with others, are they carrying the same comic or graphic novel or book he likes to read. Or he could ask the other child to tell him about what they are reading. Teach him to get the other child talking about themselves. We love to do this and we like people we can talk to. You can learn about my book at dorkoids.com. I would love to hear about how you progress in dealing with this problem. I invite you to friend me on facebook.

Tamara - posted on 02/16/2011

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i'm with you on this one, these teacher nowadays do es nothing to prevent bullying, it could be happening right in front of them and they will do nothing until the child whose is being bullied retaliates badly that when they want to do something and its not in a positive way, the child who is being bullied gets into trouble while the bully get off free and that does not sit well with me at all, i would go to that school and raise hell i'm telling you, hope you get this sorted out soon, you are in my thoughts.

Christina - posted on 02/15/2011

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Go directly to the principal, and if he/she won't do anything, go to your schoolboard and raise H**L! We have been living this bullying nightmare for two school years now. It only gets worse.My daughter has ASD & PDD, and absolutely NO social skills. she can't fight back verbally, so she crys daily.It is the same group of kids in her class each year. I did lose my cool yesterday with the wrong person, the bully-, but the school was ignoring the situation, hoping that it would resolve itself. Stand up for your son, every child has the LEGAL right to be safe at school and not bullyed daily. Keep accurate records, date, time of bullying and exactly what was done & said to him, who were the aggressors. Teachers can only do so much, as they have huge amounts of kids now in class.
My daughters life was threatened by her bully yesterday, and I am not proud of what I said to this bully.I did go to the school Assistant principal immediately afterwards, and let her handle the rest of it. Bullys have their own problems and unfortunately most resonate within their own homes. I'm sorry that your son has to go through this, and I know what he is going through, as my daughter , who is only 8, lives it every school day. Hang in there !

19 Comments

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Elaine - posted on 03/29/2011

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if going to the principal does nothing go directly to the school superintendent...threaten to bring a lawyer...it helped me when I wanted to remove my daughter and send her to a magnet program so she could actually get the education she deserved...it worked...didn't have to bring a lawyer but it helps to be educated yourself. read the student handbook if they have one...highlight the passages about bullying etc...I sure hope this helps...I was very alone when working with the school and my children...one daughter finally got to the magnet school but my younger I finally took out of school and home schooled her...sigh

Wendy - posted on 03/29/2011

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I have had to learn this the hard way. For too long my mom kept telling me "if you report a teacher's actions your kid may get treated differently" So, I hesitated about going above her. When I finally did, the principal backed-up the teacher & I got a set of rules different from the other moms in the school: other moms walked their kids to classroom- I would be chased down & told can't go past office, for ex. Totally unfair BUT remember this- EVERY1 has a boss, keep going over heads. Your son needs you & if they can't ensure his safety w/ an attentive teacher then some1 needs to know- if that some1 doesn't seem2care- keep going-I had to go to the superintendant. If you need2 & can do the lawyer thing-DO IT. If this teacher is like this with your son, believe me, she has been that way w/ others & yours is probably NOT the 1st complaint NOR will it be the last if something isn't done. Go as far as you need 2 & don;'t let yourself get bullied in the process- IF that happens be sure to take that to the super (& above) as well. good luck 2 u!!

Wanda - posted on 03/20/2011

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Have you tried going to the Board of Education about your son being bullied at school? Try doing that & if they don't help you and your son out, then I can say that you've got good grounds for a law suit.

Sherri - posted on 03/19/2011

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you need to go over her head an if that don't work go to the news they can help.

Mary - posted on 03/17/2011

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. My son is now 12. He has adhd, PDD-NOS as well as other dx's. By the time he was 7 he was in his 4th school since age 3. At 2 NO pre-school would accept him due to his behavioral and very limited verbal responses. With OT and his GOOD township handicapped preschool He flourished.
BUT the next years were another story. From age 5 till even now (in his fifth school) he has been bullied for being "different" than the other kids. Until age ten we had no help about him being bullied. He had balls thrown at him, been kicked, poked and prodded by other students, as well as the all favorite Name-calling. We pulled him out of kinder-garten, and then first grade, both to new schools hoping it would help. His behaviors and nightmares continued to worsen. Yet again we pulled him out of another school. He does NOT to well at all with transitions, but we felt we had no choice. We finally found a school that he lasted in for 4 years (until the end of elementary at 5th grade). Still, even in this school bullying continued, but not as frequent. We felt we just Couldn't pull him from yet ANOTHER school. He had Some time periods where his behavior was ok, BUT as he got older he began refusing schoolwork and homework, throwing the papers and having melt-downs, saying "NO ONE likes me. WHY was I even born?. I dont want to be here anymore." He also stated that most Frightful LAST statement.
It became time to pull him once again. This time however was to a special education school. Again, we went thru months of re-adjustments where his behavior became worse. This school finally HAS all the therapies and classes that he NEEDS. The down-side is that it IS a behavioral school. He has picked up the fighting and learned to fight back for himself (an up side). He is once again being bullied in school and "has NO friends". He has no friends at home either anymore. His out-bursts and meltdowns has cost him every friend he has ever made.
If you or anyone else has any ideas to help me with my son's meltdowns, outbursts, and/or friends situation, I welcome the input. Mary

Holly - posted on 03/15/2011

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I read posts like this all the time. We need to make bystander behavior a house hold word. Bystanders are those who see or hear the bullying. Most of the time we wish someone would stop it. If we are a kid we don't think we can. Not true. Ordinary kids like yours can help eliminate bullying by 50%. That's a lot of change for a kid to make. What they need to do is go tell what they saw/heard. Then be friendly to the victim. Tell the victim they are ok and did not deserve to be bullied. Invite them to join you and your friends. Talk to them. Go up to them with friends when they are being bullied and say you need their help, the teacher wants them, or anything that will break them away from the bully. The more all of us reach out to victims, the less vulnerable they are. Bullies want easy targets. Bullies don't want to be unpopular themselves. They want to be in control. By taking control of what is happening around us by being nice to the victim we take the power away from the bullies. Even if the bullies don't stop, the victim feels liked and valued so the bullying has less impact on them.

Holly - posted on 03/15/2011

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Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. I hope the bully and his/her parents and the school got the message that this is no longer acceptable. All kids at school need to be safe.

Jane - posted on 03/15/2011

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My neighbors didn't get very far dealing directly with school personnel so they retained a lawyer. The bully was transferred to another school.

Maura - posted on 03/01/2011

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Elizabeth,
I could have written the same thing when my son was in grade 2. It was miserable and the school did nothing to help unfortunately. I decided to take my kids out of that school and put them in Catholic School. That worked for a time. By the time my son reached grade 7, he was having alot of problems and was asked to leave the school because of health problems. It was later determined that he qualified for special education. He is now enrolled in an online school. It has taken years for his self-esteem to improve, the online school is helping with that. Looking back, I should have been more vocal about the bullying that was happening to him in the public school. The 2nd grade teacher was in denial bigtime. I was an early childhood education major and would never had let this go on in any classroom I was in. I hope you can work this out. It is tough to go through as a mom. Good Luck!

Heather - posted on 02/23/2011

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I two have a son that is being targeted not just by other kids but by teachers as well. It is a disgrace that in this day and age it still is aloud to go on . I have been to the school and told em straight that I have no faith in their system and that this year I will be takeing it to the minester for education . I will meet them in his office and they can explain why nothing is being done to protect our children. If we don't advacate for our children then who will.

Dina - posted on 02/22/2011

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I would be livid. In my situation, it seems that the teachers are the ones with the attitudes and they know what will set David off. Then he gets the disciplinary slip and sent home. We are working on it with the School advocate and his counselors.

Mistyaz - posted on 02/18/2011

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I tried to solve the problem by putting mine in a school for children with disabilities. They all have some kind of disability so no one bothers her. but now the want her home schooled for her health. Hang in there, god will take care of your son

Kathi - posted on 02/15/2011

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My son, who is 13, has ADHD, Anxiety, and we're not quite sure what else, is also the target of bullying and has been all year. Luckily we have a friend who works at his school. She told us to have my son go to the office and report EVERY TIME he is bullied. That didn't seem to be doing a lot of good, but may-be it was a culmination. And then the bullying escalated. He was being tripped, circled, kicked at and finally pantsed in the boys locker. I was on the phone, email, anything I could think of with the principal. My son has the same difficulty in that he does have an anger issue. He can only walk away so many times and I let the school know that if he exploded and they took disciplinary action against him I would fight the action. I also told my son to start walking with friends wherever he went and not to let himself be alone. Hope this helps. I hear you about being pissed off.

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