How would you react to this situation?

Aileen - posted on 09/26/2009 ( 27 moms have responded )

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Ok, so I'm just wondering what everyone's take is on an incident that happened yesterday at school involving my 5yr old son. So, I was looking through his papers in his bookbag last night and I found a note from the teacher stating that he had choked on a piece of food and had to have the heimlich maneuver performed on him. I was upset about this for 2 reasons. #1- he has some fine & gross motor skill delays and is supposed to have a monitor during lunchtime b/c he tends to shove huge amounts of food in his mouth at once & they are aware of this-where were they? How did this happen? #2- he could have died! I think I should have gotten a call advising me of the incident that way if I had any questions I could ask them. Now I have to sit & stew with this all weekend! So, am I overreacting? How would you guys react to this situation?

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Steff - posted on 09/28/2009

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So many times my children have been seriously injured and I never received a call. Recently my daughter sat with a dislocated knee cap for two hours while I was just down the street. No phone call. Good luck on that one. Its todays society unfortunately.

Sherri - posted on 09/28/2009

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I agree with the others. When it comes to my son, the school always calls, even if it's just a bump from a fall, to let me know what has happened so that I'm aware and can keep an eye on him. It is important for the school to keep lines of communication open with the parents and vice versa.

Also, if he should have been monitored, then it is possible he was or the monitor stepped away for a napkin or something or temporarily distracted by another situation with other children who also needed assistance. Schools can be short staffed some days and often aides/monitors have to do double the work load. It's not easy, especially when young kids are involved as they tend to be quick.

I wouldn't jump to the assumption that the aide wasn't with him until you talk with the school. I would definitely call the school, or if possible, go over and talk with them. Try not to start a shouting match as that won't get you any where. Stress your concern for lack of communication and desire to be contacted immediately when this sort of thing happens so you have the opportunity to respond to it whatever way you see fit (which may also include your right to have your child checked by his/her doctor to ensure they are okay).

I found that letting the school know what I expect from them at the beginning of each school year, and even putting it in writing for the teacher and for his file, helps. Make sure updated contact information is always available, along with emergency contact info. Stress in these papers that you want to be notified whenever there is any incident involving your child's well-being so you can not only be made aware of it verbally, but also be given the opportunity to ask questions you may have about the incident.

I hope this helps. The school really is there to work with you and help you and your children but they do have a lot of chldren to care for and sometimes they don't always remember the parents. Have patience, they are parents too and their job isn't always easy. :) Talk with them and set up a working communication system that will make both of you happy for times such as these.

Good luck!

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Sophia - posted on 09/29/2012

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they should have call you.. however look kids will shove huge amount of food in their mouth at home / school dont mean they are not being watch.

Jennifer - posted on 11/06/2009

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You need to know ( and others who might not know) that once someone who is trained in CPR (because no one should do it unless they are trained and currently un to date with thier training) and does the hiemlich the cassaukty ALWAYS needs to go to the hospital to get checked out for possible broken ribs etc!!! I would phone the school, tell them that you will be taking to them about the situaltion but in the mean time you will be taking your child to the hospital to get checked over as per protocal from the CPR people ... red cross etc. Then DEMAND a meeting with the principal and the teacher involved! I would be LIVID!! I would then make a note of explaining in a letter to the school board! I would demand tohave them do an investgation!

Hope this helps

Jennifer - posted on 11/06/2009

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definatly a problem i am an EMT and if a person has to have help expelling the food first of all it can damage his internal organs and needs to be followed up with the ER to make sure nothing was damaged ie stomach ribs throat ect. also even if the person responsible for helping him was there every waking min it can still happen but to find out about it in a note home WOW ! i think if my kids school pulled that one on me i'd be down their throats in a heartbeat my DD was in daycare one time and had an accident in daycare she had slipped on the rice on the floor from the sensory table and fell smacking her chin on the table splitting it wide open i was in collage at the time and was in my assigned room i never got a phone call paged over the loudspeaker or found by secuirity even though they calimed they tried i never found out till i went to pick her up to make it worse they let her take a nap right afterward cause she was tired and upset i lit into them like ther was no tomorrow never let a child with a head injury take a nap she was only 2 and still bleeding 2 hrs after the incident they said it wasn't considered a head injury i went to the dean and the person in charge lost her job and my daughter found care elsewhere what happend to your child was bull you should have been called to get him followed up with a dr after that and if you havn't already its a good idea and yes write to the principal and le t themknow how you feel and that this was unexceptable to you btw if they could not get a hold of you our schools protocol after a choking is to call EMS and notify the parents that their child is on the way to the nearest hospital and to meet them there

Debbie - posted on 11/06/2009

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Where was his monitor at lunchtime, make sure nothing like this happens again. Ask the teacher WHY YOU HAD TO FIND THE NOTE IN HIS BOOKBAG, They didn't have the respect to tell you to your face. Make sure he's not getting pushed to the back of the class, which is what happened to my son, I have now changed schools, were there is a special needs base. My son has Social + Communication difficulties. Say what's on your mind, don't bottle it up, I've been there it does you no good. GOOD LUCK!

Tina - posted on 11/05/2009

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A phone call at the very least. OMG you think that the school admin would know to do this anyway. They can certainly call home for some lame reasons. They should have called.. I personally think I would have called the school and told them about it in no uncertain terms..

Debby - posted on 11/05/2009

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It is appropriate and necessary for every parent to let the school know what sorts of events should result in a phone call. This may vary over time. My son had the same teacher and aides for 5 years, and over time (and experience), it got so I didn't need them to call me every time he had a seizure. They knew how to handle it, they knew what sort of details I would need, and when I picked him up after school, they told me everything I needed to know. Now he's moved to a new school with new staff, and they call me about nearly everything he does. That's OK, too. At some point, they'll know all his "isms" inside and out, and they and I will be comfortable with their handling such things. Even then, anything unusual will trigger a phone call.

Phyllis - posted on 09/28/2009

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Hi, I hope things go well for you on tomorrow,I will keep you in my prayers.God bless you..

Kerry - posted on 09/28/2009

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No you are not overreacting because you should have been called right away in case you wanted to take him home or to the Dr. to make sure he is fully ok and his throat wasn't swollen. In no way should they have just left it until he got home from school because he could of been affected for the rest of the school day and that isn't good either. Might make him not want to go back and then you have issues with him.

Aileen - posted on 09/28/2009

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Quoting Sherri:

I agree with the others. When it comes to my son, the school always calls, even if it's just a bump from a fall, to let me know what has happened so that I'm aware and can keep an eye on him. It is important for the school to keep lines of communication open with the parents and vice versa.

Also, if he should have been monitored, then it is possible he was or the monitor stepped away for a napkin or something or temporarily distracted by another situation with other children who also needed assistance. Schools can be short staffed some days and often aides/monitors have to do double the work load. It's not easy, especially when young kids are involved as they tend to be quick.

I wouldn't jump to the assumption that the aide wasn't with him until you talk with the school. I would definitely call the school, or if possible, go over and talk with them. Try not to start a shouting match as that won't get you any where. Stress your concern for lack of communication and desire to be contacted immediately when this sort of thing happens so you have the opportunity to respond to it whatever way you see fit (which may also include your right to have your child checked by his/her doctor to ensure they are okay).

I found that letting the school know what I expect from them at the beginning of each school year, and even putting it in writing for the teacher and for his file, helps. Make sure updated contact information is always available, along with emergency contact info. Stress in these papers that you want to be notified whenever there is any incident involving your child's well-being so you can not only be made aware of it verbally, but also be given the opportunity to ask questions you may have about the incident.

I hope this helps. The school really is there to work with you and help you and your children but they do have a lot of chldren to care for and sometimes they don't always remember the parents. Have patience, they are parents too and their job isn't always easy. :) Talk with them and set up a working communication system that will make both of you happy for times such as these.

Good luck!



 



As I stated  before, the asst. principal told me that  he was not being monitored on Friday.  I know that being a teacher isn't easy but that's the career they chose for themselves and handling children with special needs comes with the territory.  I'm not an overbearing parent at all, if anything I'm constantly making sure that my desire to be involved in my children's education doesn't  cross the line &  become a burden to the teachers.  Not every parent would do that.  I know parents that are on the teachers tail constantly.  Tomorrow , hubby & I have an appt with his teacher, the principals and the IEP committee and this will be addressed.  Even the Asst Principal told me that we needed to address this tomorrow so it doesn't happen again.



Aileen - posted on 09/28/2009

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Quoting steff:

So many times my children have been seriously injured and I never received a call. Recently my daughter sat with a dislocated knee cap for two hours while I was just down the street. No phone call. Good luck on that one. Its todays society unfortunately.



Oh my goodness!  That's just terrible.  I too,live around the corner from the school.  As a parent, our desire is to comfort our children when they are in pain & make sure they are not in pain one more minute than they have to be.  I think that sometimes the school staff would rather act like things are ok or not as serious as it really is b/c they don't want to have to deal with the parents.  I know there are some parents out there who can be irrational, overly emotional or downright nasty to the staff.  I'm not one of those.  I respect their space & try not to step on the teachers toes but don't step on mine either.  Meaning, don't make desicions that only a parent should make.  I looked up their school policy on illnesses/injuries and they ARE required to notify a parent as soon as possible of the incident even if it is a scraped knee. 

[deleted account]

You should ask for a one on one worker with at least a CPR certificate (though its actually mandatory for a one on one to be certified, here anyways) This way he has someone with him the whole time he is at school so no worries about having someone called away since it would be their job the whole day to be there plus they could be working on helping him with his delays or school work.





I cant believe I totally forgot about one on one workers (heck we've been trying to get one for my step son for four yrs now! duh XD )

Lmf64 - posted on 09/28/2009

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They need to assign at least two people to be available for your son during lunch. At the meeting tomorrow make them name (by name not title or position) to be responsible for making sure he is attended during that time. I would make sure that at least one of them is a nurse and the other could be a 1:1 para. The para will probably be the one who is with him during this time, but on the occasions when she is out the nurse should be the one with him. I say this because the 1:1 would be less expensive for the district and the nurse will be following up because ultimately on his IEP she needs to be the contact/responsible person for making sure he is receiving all of the services required under his IEP.

Aileen - posted on 09/28/2009

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So, I called this morning & left a message for the Principal or Asst. Principal to call me back regarding an "incident". Well, the Asst. Principal called me back within 15 minutes and I basically didn't even have to explain why I was calling because before I could say anything, she said that she had just gotten back from speaking to the school nurse & addressed the fact that I hadn't been called. She said they hadn't even told her about it until way after the fact. She apologized & said that a nurse has been sitting with him during lunch except for friday because one of the nurses called out & they only have two on staff. Tomorrow I have the meeting with the IEP committee as well as the principal & his teacher. I will be revisiting this issue tomorrow b/c this can't happen again. He could have died! Thanks again to everyone for not making me feel like I was making a mountain out of a mole hill. Ttyl!

Summer - posted on 09/27/2009

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you are definitely NOT overreacting! even if your son didn't have special needs, the school should call you as soon as something like that happens. my sons' school calls me even when he has a headache. i would definitely talk to the principal! that's unacceptable!

Aileen - posted on 09/27/2009

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Thank you all for your responses. It's midnight Sunday night & I am counting down the hours until I can call the school. He does have an IEP in place & they haven't been following it since he started school last week. He's in Kindergarten so it's the 1st time for him in a bigger school-prior to this, he was in a small Preschool and they were on top of it! His preschool teacher helped put his IEP together so she provided all these day to day details that the new teacher should know. She even called the teacher to give her the heads up about him. I have a meeting wiith his IEP team on Tuesday so this along with another incident will definitely be addressed. Btw, my son refuses to talk about this. He says, "Mommy, let's just not talk about that." Which that in itself is raising a red flag b/c that is NOT like him, he's a chatterbox normally. Well, thank you all again & I'll let you guys know how this plays out. Take care & God bless you all.

Susan - posted on 09/27/2009

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You are not overreacting to the situation. First and foremost they should have called you because this was a serious matter. I would calm down and call them on Monday morning and demand a reason why you were not notified on this matter. Hope this helps you to know you are not alone.

[deleted account]

I would have freaked out! Not only because of the inncident but because of the late notice. Though I'm not surprised anymore at the schools incapability to do its job anymore.

There have been many issues where we should have been notified and we either never heard about it until our children came home or we found a note in their bag.

I think you should go to not only the principal on this but also the school board, choking is not something to play around with especially if your son is prone to it. The hard part is going to be having a clear head while doing it, being able to stew over it the entire weekend probably wasnt the best thing they could have let happen!

Renee - posted on 09/27/2009

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They should have called you that's a life safeing procedure.My Nigel came home from school with 101.9 very listless and quiet fri.No one noticed to call me.Nigel has severe ADHD never still or quiet very out of character for him.I agree they are quick to call us if they get out of control or have a few dirty diapers.When it's convient for them.

Rebecca - posted on 09/26/2009

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They should have called you right after they made sure he was ok. My son's school calls if anything at all happens. It would have been nice to know so you could monitor him at home and make sure he did not have any more trouble,or side effects from them having to do the heimlich maneuver.I'd talk to them Monday and let them know to contact you if this or anything like this happens again. I feel a parent can never overreact when it comes to their children. I would feel just like you if this happen to me. I seen a post asking if you had an IEP for your child. If you do,see if they have any type of medical plan in it.If you don't you might need one. I have a medical plan in place with an IEP for my 7year old son who has cebral palsy, and was born with cld,bpd, and pda. He receives pt, ot, and vision at school for physical,and visual impairments. The medical plan advises all the teachers, nurse, and staff that work with him what his condition is and how or what to do if something should happen. on it they are to call me if anything happens at all as far as his health. all that work with him are to get special training and educated toward his disability. Even at my other kids school they know to call if anything health wise happens. Hopefuly you don' t have to be put in this type of situation again.

Lucy - posted on 09/26/2009

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no ur not overreacting those classes are kept small for that reason and they are supposed to call because the heimlich maneuver can cause damage to ur child i would call a meeting first thing.

Heather - posted on 09/26/2009

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You definitely should have received a phone call. I would speak to the school on monday. Be firm with them, but polite. Tell them you are very concerned and disappointed that you did not receive a phone call. Ask them to please call you if your child has any issues serious enough to require assistance i the future. Good luck.

Phyllis - posted on 09/26/2009

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Good morning,I agree with Lisa the very least the could have done was give you a phone call to let you know what was going on.I guess they would have called if he had to go to the hospital(God forbid if that should happen).I would be at the school first thing Monday morning demanding that i speak with the prinicipal,if they don't comply go higher if necessary.God bless you and your son,and keep being his advocate who knows your son better than you do.

Lmf64 - posted on 09/26/2009

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A phone call was definetly called for. I get so ticked. They jump on the phone at the first sign our kids are getting a bit hard to handle, but when our kids need assistance they don't say boo. My son was attacked by another student and defended himself. I get the come get your kid, he's suspended for hitting another student call. I go to pick him up and find out he was attacked in the first place and the other kid wasn't being suspended. UM excuse me, my child will defend himself when attacked and will not be punished for it. Yes the other child was more profoundly disabled, but he attacked my son and you want to punish my son. NOT HAPPENING!

In your case, in defense of the school, it is likely that someone was with your child at the time of the incident. The attendent may have been momentarily distracted by a room full of other students. Even if that is the case you should have gotten a phone call immediately so you could decide if it was time for him to come home for the day or at the very least just a heads up so you didn't have to find out much later in a note. On Monday morning I would call the principal and ask for a meeting. At the meeting I would tell them in no uncertain terms that in the future if you get another note like this one without having also had a phone call you will pursue further action for them not protecting your child and following his IEP (I hope he has one, if not it's time for an evaluation)

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