He Threatens to leave

Evie - posted on 02/04/2011 ( 2 moms have responded )




i am 19 years old. 25 weeks pregnant. engaged to a soldier.
we moved in together before i got pregnant and everything was fine. but lately he's been very short with me and very hurtful. he'll come home and see dirty dishes and he'll yell at me for it telling me im a lazy B**** that i need to grow up and when he stops with that he'll tell me he wants me out of the house, that he cannot stand me because i dont do anything that i need to go back home with my mom because he's tired of me. he'll put me down and then after i cry and his temper goes down he acts as if nothing ever happened. and he'll ask me why im pounting. today he said he needed to remind himself to come home to me, i asked why and he said because he didnt want to come home to me anymore. its very hurtful. i grew up without a father, and i have daddy issues and abandonment issues. he grew up without a father because his mother never let them see each other and she would brain wash him to believe his father was bad.
At 18 i aborted my first baby ( i dont need religious drama over this or any antichice prolife opinions) i know he was excited but i wasnt ready, i got pregnant again with this baby two months later...but thats a different story.i was stupid and irresponsible.
we were fighting once and he threw it in my face that i killed his baby, when at the time he told me he would support me through everything.
He's been married before to a woman who constantly cheated on him and was on drugs, she would use him for his money and his military status. now he tells me that he wont deal with me because im just like her, that if i keep up the way i am he will make me buy everything for myself, and if he does leave me that he's going to take me to court for my baby and fight me for every right because i have said in the past i didnt want children. he says he'll never let me see it and i'll get to have the life i wanted. he just turned 26, and has two college degrees. when i met him i was in college, and i havent continued for reasons that are unrelated to this.
truth is im becoming miserable being pregnant and being with him, but i dont want to leave because i want my child to have parents like i never did. i should be happy and im not. at this point i can feel it moving and i resent it when he gets me like this because feeling it kick makes me so sad. i know i have to work at making things better, i do work around the house but he just doesnt see it. he'll come home and see me sleeping and wake me up and it there is something out of place say the laundry i just did on the couch he'll flip out on me and tell me he's leaving me. we've been together since march of 2010. sometimes i think maybe its the stress of becoming a father or something but he doesnt need to be verbally abusive toward me like that. i dont know what to do. i feel like leaving but i dont want my child taken away from me, he didnt get to get attached to it for nine months, he wasnt the one knowing what it liked me eating, or when it liked to be awake and kicking. i also dont want him to not take me back if all we need is a break from each other. i dont know what to do anymore.


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Sheena - posted on 05/03/2012




Evie any abuse is always serious. Verbal abuse is just as bad as physical. If he can't let the past go you can't be with him. If you continue to be with him while he is verbally abusive the stress could cause you to lose the baby. He shouldn't make you feel bad for your abortion if you had an understanding why should he make you feel bad that's not right. He needs to also understand that you are a completely different person than his ex wife. Communication is key to a relationship working if he can't change his ways or listen to you about how you feel you shouldn't be with him. Men can't even begin to completely understand what we go through during pregnancy. Some try to help and be supportive of our needs and tolerate our mood swings. Others are complete butt heads. If you dont have an education or a job I suggest that you seriously seriously move out and back with you mother, father or grandmother (who will help you in your time of need) but you can not stay with them forever. You need to leave your abusive man, get a job then get back into school. Because if you stay with him you might end up dealing with physical abuse and you dont want your kids to see any kind of abuse going on its not right to expose a kid to that. If he can talk to you any kind of way he wants then what kind of message is that sending your kids. Your little girl will grow up thinking it is ok for a man to treat a woman the way he treats you she will think it is normal (action speak louder than words) you can tell her different but if stay in that relationship your sending the opposite message. If you have a little boy he is going to think it is ok and normal to disrespect women. It does not matter if he has 2,3,4, or 6 degrees. It doesnt matter if he makes crazy money. Sure he can support and take care of the kids a bit easier finacially. But he is going to be a lousy parent if he has no respect for women. Plus HE D*** SURE CAN'T WATCH KIDS WITH THAT TEMPER. If he gets insanely angry by a house that is not spotless clean he really really shouldnt have kids, children constantly make messes, they are literally walking messes. Kids are extreme stressor and looks like he is not qualified to handle that kind of stress. You can't just yell at a child like the stole something if the didnt clean their room. The punishment must fit the crime. You cant beat a child for not being perfect at cleaning their room. As long as you can prove your a good mother he can't take your kids. For your kids sake Evie please please please for your kids don't let that man treat you any kind of way dont let him abuse you because there is no excuse. If time are hard for him now kids are definitely going to make times harded and you can't have a short fuse with a child. Do what you feel is best for the babies. If you wanna stay then stay but he CAN NOT treat you like that. He need to man up and deal with his issues. Because whether it is sugar or s**t you made a vow to each other that ya'll are gonna go threw it together. A man is man enough to know he is wrong and know if he needs help ( im not saying that is your man im just saying). I cant tell you what to do I have absolutely no right to but please evie please (from one mother to another) do the right thing for your babies.

Kimberly - posted on 03/20/2012




Take care of yourself and that baby! The rest will work itself out. When you are prego u are not yourself and your reasoning and emotions are different. Trust me I know. When I was prego 3yrs ago me and my fiance at the time went thru hell! Focus on the health of your child and yourself. You will see things differently and it will all become clear once the baby gets here. Good luck!

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