Breastfeeding and CIO

Minnie - posted on 10/06/2009 ( 11 moms have responded )




There have been several references and suggestions regarding the book Babywise in the breastfeeding moms community, and I have done my best to counter it with sound advice.

What I wonder constantly when posters extoll the virtues of the apparant genius of babywise is how can they make a choice to nurse their babies and then follow the garbage that is in that book?

Why does one choose to nurse her child? Because it's what that baby needs? Then one would think that that mother is making an attempt to be sensitive to her child since she's nourishing (and comforting?) them with her body.

Then HOW can she go ahead and follow the advice in that book to deny her infant comfort and nutrition at her breast if he needs it earlier than every three hours? How can she go ahead and let her baby cry himself to sleep at night? How in the world can she say "it's hard, it takes a strong woman to do it, but it's best for the baby."? How can she choose to be sensitive to her child and then do this?

These threads are making me so sick and angry- that mothers can defend this man so vehemently when there is load of fact against him, that the AAP has condemned his book, and that he has absolutely no research to back up his advice.


View replies by

Gwen - posted on 11/04/2009




I read Babywise, and it really threw me for a loop. I was left with all of these thoughts like, "I am such a bad mommy, why can't I do this? I am depriving him of the ability to put himself to sleep" (first time mom). I did use the idea of eat, play, sleep... but could not let him cry it out. You know, could not is not the right choice of words. It conveys a failure of some sort... I WOULD not. It is just not worth it for me to wager with my son's senses of security and trust all to get a good night's sleep.

Justine - posted on 11/04/2009




I think any book I read will have things that I dont agree with, the trick is finding something that follows your values and ignore the bits you dont like. I have a book Im sure you've heard of called The No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantly. It is a fantastic read and is easier to follow because it doenst follow a strict regimin, you can do the ones that you are going to be able to do. For me bedtime is somewhat of a nightmare, my son is the WORST sleeper, and Im a student which makes it that much more difficult because when he is in bed is when I can do my homework and studying, tidying, etc. I sometimes have things due the next day and just dont have time to go through a lengthly routine or walk around with him for 2 hours so he sits on the living room floor and plays with his toys so I can get some work done. It makes me feel much less guilty about doing this.

Peggy - posted on 10/09/2009




I don't even know what Babywise is, and from the sounds of it, I am glad I've never read it. Like Sara, I didn't really read any books on parenting or babies or whatever. Maybe bits and pieces, and I will say the one helpful thing was learning how to properly swaddle a baby. But other than that, I feel like I have everything I need to be a good mom and parent in my heart. Isn't that why it's called a motherly INSTINCT? It's something that's innate in us when we become mothers? Anyway, all I know is I love co-sleeping and nursing and baby wearing and so does my son :)

Mandy - posted on 10/09/2009




i dont know if there is anything i can add that hasnt already been said. i thinki it clear that we all share the same anger and frustration that comes with stupid people making stupid comments and giving stupid advice. stupid stupid stupid.

i have just gome back to work :o( 4 hrs a week so have joined that group Marcy is talking about. i have managed to work around when robbie needs to go to sleep and feed so that isnt a problem and he stays with his daddy. as long as he is coping, i will keep doing it.

lol, brenda, orgasm from your ears being tickled....LOL.....

Brenda - posted on 10/08/2009




Oh I am sure. The puritanistic idea that the breast is a sexual organ is the root of a lot of breastfeeding's difficulties. If you look at less westernized cultures, women are as topless as men, because to them the breast is a tool to feed an infant, not a sex organ. I mean, okay, besides making milk, it doesn't hold any of the genetalia, therefore it is not a sexual organ at all. It just so happens to be linked to reproductive system, and yeah, some women get pleasure from their breasts, but I've known some people that can orgasm when someone tickles their ear! So just because it CAN give pleasure doesn't make it a sexual focus. I mean, just because a small percent of the population gets off on having their ear tickled, should we all cover up our ears??

Well, Marcy, technically I'm a SAHM right now, but that sounds like an awesome group! More working moms need support keeping up with it than they get a lot of times.

Marcy - posted on 10/08/2009




I love chatting with you guys (ladies sorry). it makes me so honored to be a part of the AP clan. What a nice way to raise confident children. My son is such a pleasure and I owe it all to the choices we have made so far in raising him. Its hard to make others see your perspective. We are so far down the road as a society of parenting that works best for parents. My kiddo is 3 years old and still nurses whenever he wants to. Its just easier all the way around and he's never been on a schedule. BTW, I just started a new circle called Working (Outside the House) Moms who are nursing....if you want to check it out :) Have a lovely day!

Minnie - posted on 10/08/2009




Wow, Brenda! I never even thought of that perspective, with schedules in regards to other bodily functions! You're so right- we don't force baby to hold a poo on a time schedule, why should a baby be forced to hold off of breastfeeding- or be forced to go to sleep on a schedule as well?

You know what I think? I think Ezzo, along with many many other people, is sexualizing the breast. Baby definitely shouldn't be getting comfort from the breast, which in his tiny mind, is a sex organ, right? So if baby wants to nurse before three hours that baby is giving in to a lustful pleasure!

Most people who read and follow Babywise have absolutly NO idea that this man is a fundamentalist preacher- so all of his premises come from his background as a fundamentalist Christian. He conveniently leaves out the actual words sin nature, lust of the flesh, honor thy mother and father, the rod, and chastisement, but the underlying attitude is there.

Brenda - posted on 10/07/2009




Excuse me, mention of Babywise made me throw up a little in my mouth. I'm glad school's kept me too busy to read on the brestfeeding group. I can't understand how anyone can use a book that the LLL, the AAP and any breastfeeding specialist will tell you is a bunch of crap. I just ache for people that read this book and don't know anything better. I literally feel sick to know that I stocked this book when I worked for a company that stocked books.

I'll admit, I've never read a parenting book. I mean, look the wonderful things Babywise has doen for parenting since it came out, infant dehydration, failure to thrive, all that fun stuff... *sarcasm bucket*

The think I don't get, is that CIO at its base is opposite to breastfeeding. The whole point is feeding baby as baby needs, not on a schedule. I mean, are there other body functions that have schedules? Is the baby supposed to poop every 28 hours and no more? Pee every five hours? To a baby being hungry is just as irregular. There's growth spurts, sleep regressions, now the finding that there is a hormone to decrease infant pain, sleep inducing hormones, so I know how you feel Lisa. Makes me so mad.

And people wonder why teens are so apathetic and disconnected from everyone and everything. It might be because they never formed secure bonds and attachments to their parents as infants, and thus cannot do so as teens/adults. And now with links to psychological distress, is it any wonder that the ADD/ADHD, Depression, and anxiety rates are so high in children and teens these days, and even in people my age? We don't even know for sure what damage it does because we just don't understand how the brain works. And the baby's brain is growing and changing on a daily basis, who knows what those massive amounts of adreneline and cortisol can do? ARGH!

Minnie - posted on 10/06/2009




Yeah, I can see being a sleep-deprived mother...but the women who were suggesting the book really followed his book diligently and really defended him. But no one considers where he's coming from!

I mean, if you're going to take advice from someone, don't you want to know their background? Doesn't it mean anything that this man is estranged to his children, that they have disowned him? That he only holds an honorary degree from a theological seminary? That he has another book similar to babywise geared towards christians and advises whipping? That he has no research?

They might as well be following their grandmothers' wives tales. Ugh.

[deleted account]

I didn't read any books about babies or parenting. I go to the best source for information, my mom. I knew she was a loving and caring mom so if I have questions I ask her (she's also the nurse manager on the maternity floor so she knows a lot about babies). I don't know why people turn to strangers for advice on how to raise their own children. My husband's coworkers kept saying we would have to just lay her down and let her cry herself to sleep. When he told me this I said absolutely not. It kills me when she cries and letting her lay there screaming goes against every instinct I have. There are nights where I can lay her down and go to the bathroom or something and when I come back she's asleep (without crying) and that's fine with me. Other nights she needs me to hold her and that's fine too. Most nights she nurses to sleep and I actually prefer this. I love holding her and letting her nurse to sleep. I think it's an easier transition. These are infants, if they cry it's because they need something. It may be that they just want to cuddle, but why is that such a bad thing? Pretty soon our babies will be grown up and won't need us anymore so I'm enjoying the fact that she does need me now!

Marcy - posted on 10/06/2009




Right on Lisa...we tossed this book into the fire last time we went camping...I read it just to see what it was all about and was not at all impressed. The only thing I can say is that as a new mom (my kiddo is 3 now and I am over the hump) who is desperate for sleep sometimes we just aren't thinking all that clearly. I let me kiddo CIO for 5 minutes when he was about 7 weeks old and I couldn't take it. He still nurses and really never cries about anything. I think the only book I kept was the ones by Dr. Sears and I reference bakc to those frequently when he has a cold or exhibits behavior outside of his typical happy and indenpendent self.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms