My husband was a CIO baby

[deleted account] ( 9 moms have responded )

My hubby is very supportive in the methods I choose to use when parenting our daughter. His parents, not so much. They keep telling me that I need to get my 10 mth old trained to sleep by herself. When I was pregnant and we told them our baby would sleep in our room with us, his mom responded, "Oh but then it will wake you up. Better to have the baby in its own room so that you can sleep." I'm thinking, um that's the point of having the baby in the room with us, so I can wake up and feed her. Recently she gave me a book that "helped her". It was written in 1985. Hm.... I'm also thinking that methods have changed much since then. They tell me that letting them cry doesn't hurt the baby.

Lets look at the facts: My husband was, obviously, a cry it out baby. I love him terribly but it takes a lot of effort for him to show emotion towards me. I'm a very affectionate person. I have to be patient and understanding, but repetitive, that I like to be held and touched and kissed often. He CAN'T cry. Not that it's a manly thing, but he literally can't squeeze one tear. Our daughter breastfed, co-sleeps, and was a close carry baby. She is warm, happy, and affectionate. She hugs often, gives kisses, laughs often, and plays gently with her baby dolls. Her development is incredible! Her motor skills are that of an 18 month old.

I think I'll stick to my method. But now, when is it okay to let them babysit? I love them dearly, aside from the CIO thing. I want them to have a loving relationship with my daughter, but I don't want them to just let her cry! What does everyone else feel about this? Am I just being weird about this and one weekend is okay? What are your experiences with CIO v. Not CIO? LOL, discuss!


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Carla - posted on 06/24/2010




Also my husband never had much attention from his alcoholic mother so i know how you feel about attention, although he has his moments, and where he is very involved with the upbringing of our son he has learned to be more affectionate xx

Carla - posted on 06/24/2010




Oh i feel for you, I'm very lucky my son co-slept with me and my husband till he was 8months old and he started to sleep in his own cot (he got to hot and couldn't sleep properly with me and my husband) he sleeps well and as soon as he wakes he gets cuddles and love and everything else till he decides to go to sleep again, you obvs love your in-laws alot but don't agree with thier method, either do I, But you have to be worried about them having your girl over night, personally if they still feel that the CIO method is right then i wouldn't have them look after my child purley for the fact that when you think you are right then "What they don't know won't hurt them" And i would hate to be worried weather my baby was left alone crying themselfs to sleep whilst you are ment to be having a "relaxing time with out them!
I know i haven't been much help and I'm sorry about this i don't really have any advice but this was just my opion, you must get them to see that you do it differently to the way they did it with your husband and if they are to have your daughter over night then they must obey by the way you do it!

Tricia - posted on 06/02/2010




Side note, my Mom let me CIO, and I'm a touchy-huggy person who is able to feel and demonstrate affection. For whatever that's worth. :-)

April - posted on 06/02/2010




no overnight stays. no way. they might tell you that they wouldn't let her CIO and maybe they truly mean that...but they also might get desperate and could resort to CIO. if nothing else works and she's tried all of your ways, she might do the thing that "worked" for her. i wouldn't risk it, sorry!!

[deleted account]

Thank you, that does help! It's good to know I'm not the only one with a wonky husband, lol. I will try to talk with him, I'm slightly nervous though, as it's his parents... We'll see how it turns out.

Brooke - posted on 06/01/2010




My husband firmly supports our children co-sleeping with us ( he actually is the one who has prompted it to go in for 5 years...haha ) His mother didn't let him majorly CIO but her way of raising him was SO different than ours. She constantly gives her opinion on our discipline methods, length of time we agree for me to breastfeed our children, etc. She is NOT ( and was not ) affectionate to my husband growing up so like you, I have a husband who flat doesn't know how to show me any affection. I know how hard this is on a relationship. I crave physical affection ( my family is very huggy, feely to one another ) So, girl....I feel your pain there !!

We actually don't let my MIL babysit our two children ( she currently has some major health problems, so that gives us a great excuse for her to not babysit ) My husband and I completely agree here !! I think talking openly with your husband about this and then whatever decision is made, you should both sit down with your in laws and talk. Have your husband do the talking ( they are his folks ) but you being there let's them know this is a decision their son and his wife made together. Hope this helps some !!

Kylie - posted on 05/29/2010




I don't have my in-laws baby sit for the same Mil has told me many times that it good for babies to cry and she used CIO with all her sons. My daughter slept over their place once she was old enough to communicate her needs with words and was sleeping in her own bed. Lucky I have my mum to baby sit when i need a night out..she happily rocks my babies to sleep and will never leave them to cry.

Stephanie - posted on 05/25/2010




I don't believe in CIO and so I would have a hard time leaving my baby with someone who does. It's a hard situation when it's the inlaws but I don't think you are beyond your right to explain that CIO is out of the question, if they really want to babysit they will likely adhere to your methods, if you don't trust that they will I wouldn't let them watch her for extended periods. Hope this helps!

Emily - posted on 05/21/2010




I don't think you're being weird. If you're talking about overnight stays, I would feel uncomfortable about it as well. Why not just let them babysit for a few hours at a time? Overnights can come later. She's still a baby!

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