Octuplets: What do you think?

Brenda - posted on 02/11/2009 ( 23 moms have responded )

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Its been in the news lately, was just wondering what you ladies thought about this situation?



http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/02/11...



Also you get to see the pictures of the babies, which is neat. How would one even begin trying to attachment parent this many babies? I'm just curious.... Every time I hear about it I can't imagine how she can possibly handle 8 infants and six other kids... Of course, I wonder at the Duggers too with the 18 kids, but I guess I like to focus on my kids so much as individuals I can't imagine having a brood like those.... (not taking any sides here, just thought it would be interesting to see how you guys as attachment parents would view it).

23 Comments

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Michelle - posted on 03/03/2009

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i would have put you at early 20's, truthfully! its great that you have such a strong sense of who you are...sometimes i think that we all (as mums and women) are our own worst enemies...i see it all the time, others so quick to judge and tear someone down before taking the time to think outside the square...having as many kids as i do leaves me wide open to alot of that...is sad, my kids are awesome and i find it strange that people don't consider the fact that i might really like them all...! i think the best gift (well, one of them anyway!) we can give our children is acceptance and tolerance of everyone...no matter what...i sometimes think thats why i have been given them...i had 3 already before i met my hubby and have two gorgeous well-tanned kids. i love having the opportunity to raise them all with a global consciousness and acceptance of each other, so far so good! like brooke said, though...it is important that they all get individual time, can be a bit of a juggling act but hey, isn't that being a mum anyway? anyway, that might do for now...those last few weeks seem to take forever, hey....have just recently had our new baby starting to move....love it and its exciting for the other kids as well! take care, hey!

Brenda - posted on 02/19/2009

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I'm 28, actually, Michelle.  :)  My first little one was born when I was 24, and I have my second due in May.  My pic is alittle old, from 20 weeks but I'll be updating with my 30 week....feelng like a whale....  :)  I think that parenting is the most important job of anyone, you know, and there are just so many views on it.  I like to listen to everyone, even those I don't necessarily agree with, and that's why I really like this whole Attachment parenting thing.  It was something I already did, and I find most women within it are open minded and willing to discuss things even if they are on the opposite end. 

Brooke - posted on 02/17/2009

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Just wanted everyone to know that the belief the Duggars have is an extreme of believing that children are a gift from God. I'm a Christian and fully believe and agree that children are truly a blessing from our Creator. There is nothing in the Bible about birth control being a sin. Currently, my DH and I have 2 kiddos and one day want 1 or 2 more. We are unable to use traditional birth control because of my problems handling the hormones. However, that dosen't mean that we just pro-create to make more "warriors". We believe that children should get equal, fair time with their parents( and indivual time) in order for them to thrive as healthy children. Just wanted everyone to know that not all "Christians" have 18 children and that it's not a "Christian" thing to pro-create non-stop.

Michelle - posted on 02/16/2009

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lol, brenda...my hubby is planning on having one fairly soon...! i actually was on the waiting list to get my tubes done but apparently fate had other ideas...oh well, go with the flow! i do feel, though, that 7 is the right number for us...i don't particularly enjoy some of the physical side effects of being pregnant as i mostly feel yuck. i have found though, especially with the last 2 or 3 that i'm able to just get over that and enjoy the experience for what it is...this bub is due in august and i already feel so close to her...just one of the great side effects of being a mum, i guess! i also love being able to involve the other kids....you know, i just realised i could go on and on about this...perhaps i should stop myself now! don't get me wrong, though...i too have my days where i'd really rather just stay in bed...but everything (in life and with kids) is a learning experience. how old are you.....? you look so young to have such a good head on your shoulders...its awesome to know that there are those out there (although none of you live here!) that are really passionate about parenting...keep it up!

Brenda - posted on 02/15/2009

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I can't imagine even six kids!!  (My husband's getting a vasectamy after our second is born!).  But I have a really good friend who's pregnant whith her fifth and she just adores all her kids and loves having a big family.  She's one of those made to be a mom people, though, but she says five is enough for her...maybe.  I give kudos to those that can handle it, but I also know I'm not one that would choose it for myself.  But I guess that's it...those that can handle it.  I've known families that forster care, and it can be so hard on everyone...  So many sad stories out there...

Michelle - posted on 02/15/2009

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thanks, ashley...i find it a little hard to get my head around that! i love the idea of your kids being 'gods warriors'...although i tend to follow more of a buddhist kind of belief system so i look at it as though i have been given a great opportunity to send out more kind and compassionate people into the world..depends on what your definition of god is, i guess! i don't know that i could do it...whilst i am really proud of my kids/family, i can't understand what would make people expose their vulnerabilities and turn their family life into a spectator sport..i know (well, in our family at least!) there are so many different dynamics going on at the same time, unless you know and love us well its a little hard for others to understand...! however, if it works for them well goodo, i guess. on a different note, however...my husband and i have done foster care in the past and the belief that anyone who can bear children should....let me just say i can categorically refute that...as would anyone who has been on the receiving end of having to try and fix the damaged goods that these kids mostly are...it is incredibly sad. i can't understand that....maybe (and i'm not being mean here, its a genuine suggestion) the duggers should consider looking into what happens when people who are incapable of adequately parenting children breed...it is ugly and horrible...not everyone who has kids honours those babies the best way they can. anyway, thats my soapbox....thanks for explaining and take it easy, eh?

Ashley - posted on 02/14/2009

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And furthermore, Jon & Kate Plus Eight is another reality show (on the same channel) about a couple and their eight children--twins and sextuplets.

Ashley - posted on 02/14/2009

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Michelle--the Duggars are a family with 18 children ranging in age from 22ish to a newborn (as of 12/2008). http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Duggar_fami... They're on a reality show called "17 kids and counting" They're part of a religious movement called Quiverfull, which (in my interpretation) is not just a shunning of contraception, but a movement to actually attempt to bear as many children as possible--the thought process being that God will provide you with as many children as he wants you to have, and you shouldn't try to get in the way of his divine plan. Your children are God's warriors, so the more you have, the better.
Granted, the whole Quiverfull aspect of their lives is NOT the focus of the show, and I doubt the word has actually been uttered once in any episode. It's one of those read-between-the-lines, background info things. (There was an interesting article on them in Bitch magazine a while back, if anyone here is interested.)

Michelle - posted on 02/14/2009

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in response to your thoughts, brenda...i have six children (the oldest two are 13 and 12) and the rest are 6,5,3 and 2...i always try and remain very mindful of the fact that whilst i really appreciate and am grateful for the little things that the older two do to help me out, they did not have them! i (and most of my close girlfriends, actually) will often get the older two girls out of the house, school holidays they will usually go to my sisters place, or grandparents..anything to get them out of here because although i expect all the kids to do their bit (even if its just putting plates in the sink when they're done!) i also think its important to recognise that they all deserve time away from the busy and hectic environment that is our home! i live in aus...who are the Duggers? i also have a question for you (or anyone, really!) on my 'there's a name for it...?' thing..was just wondering, thats all..

Brenda - posted on 02/14/2009

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The kids are really the ones that suffer because of it, and in the end, I don't blame the mother so much as her doctor.  She has obvious issues, and the doctor went ahead anyway and implanted.  She should have been in some serious counseling and therpay after her first six children (or at better yet before).  I think it was just irresponsibility on the doctor's part. I wonder if he/she just did it to see if it could be done.  The ethics of that doctor have to be called into serious question.  Basically the doctor implanted a mentally unsound woman with no income who lives on welfare with 8 eggs.  No matter how you look at it, I'm a firm believe that this doctor is to blame for setting up this situation.  I think the thing I hate to see happen is DFS stepping in and taking some or all of her kids away because she does not have the ability to care for them, and that's the saddest thing of all. 

Crystal - posted on 02/14/2009

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Yea, I honestly believe Stasia that these kids need to be given help, and that hep I honestly believe should come from other people raising these kids. It's sad that they would have to be separated but that woman is not right in the mind and needs to get mental help. Those kids need someone who can truly give them the time and attention they need.

Stasia - posted on 02/14/2009

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wow, so much negative energy coming off here at this poor woman!! Everywhere you look there is controversy surrounding her.
I don't think it is right and I don't think it is fair but I still think she needs help, and if only for the sake of the children she should recieve it. It is not the children's fault what someone said earlier about giving half an hour to each child....there's not even enough time in the day for that.
I think it is incredibly sad that doctors will perform these types of procedures when it is obviously morally wrong (even one more would be too much when you can't support what you already have) and the worst part is that it was done so someone else could make a profit. This woman and all her children have a very tough road ahead, but i wish people could be more supportive of her, she needs it!!!

Ashley - posted on 02/13/2009

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One amazing thing about the Dugger family is the fact that they (reportedly) have zero debt--they believe it's a sin. That giant house (that they built with their own hands)? Those busses? Totally owned free & clear.
I may not be hot on the fact that the kids have to schedule private time with mommy, but from a financial responsibility point of view, you have to admire the fact that they've pulled off what very, VERY few Americans have.
Ms. Nadya appears to be unable to financially, independently support even one kid.

Crystal - posted on 02/13/2009

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I believe they've said they are training the boys to be head's of households and the girls to be domestic housewives and mothers.

I don't agree with that, children need to be given the opportunity to be individuals. I don't think the Dugger kids get that, but they do seem at least somewhat well adjusted and well behaved so at least they aren't criminals.

Brenda - posted on 02/13/2009

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I've often wondered about the J&K+8 and the Duggers shows and how it affects people who watch them.  I've read that the octuplets mother is psychologically unsound and has issues with motherhood.  Her own mother said she'd been obsessed with being a mother since she was a child, so it sounds like a little bit of OCD to me, but its hard to say.



The one thing with the Duggers that bothers me is it becomes the older kids job to take care of the younger kids, so is that even parenting anymore?  I mean, at a time when large families were required to run the farm and to do things like that, it was a necessary thing...  but today...the older kids become mini parents.  How are they going to deal with their own families in the future is my question?  Personally, I'm thinking they'll either do the same thing, have a huge family, or the opposite, have a tiny one if any.

Elizabeth - posted on 02/13/2009

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This woman is clearly unstable and her RE should lose his license for what he's done. I think social services needs to be VERY closely monitoring these kids-- there is just no way I can see that they are not going to be neglected. I think it is inevitable that she is going to lose them unless she ends up making some money from this and can hire a lot of help. I mean, seriously, she thinks that finishing her bachelor's degree (or is it her masters, I can't remember) is going to allow her to support them? I have a PhD, a husband, and one baby and there isn't exactly money laying around in piles. Daycare alone would be $10-$13 thousand dollars a month!

I don't know if shows like the Duggars and J&K+8 have lead to an increase in this kind of thing, but I don't think they are helping. While I can't stand the Duggars' self-righteous attitude, they do at least represent what many families looked like historically (except their kids have all lived.) But these mega-multiples are just not natural, and having them robs them and the older siblings of their rights to be the baby during those important first 2 years.

Yeah, no matter how you define it, there is no way to AP those babies. She'll be lucky to spend 30 minutes with each one a day. Ugh.

Laura - posted on 02/12/2009

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I have been wondering the same thing. I mean, I suffered an early miscarriage in 2007 and I still feel sad about losing that baby so I can understand her not wanting to destroy the embroys. But why in the world did she have to implant them so quickly? Her twins are only two years old. Why couldn't she have waited a few years until her other kids were older?



I've heard people with triplets or even three closely spaced kids say that the only way they could survive was to schedule everything. I'm not sure that is true for all parents of multiples but with 14 children, there is NO way she will be able to do more than provide for their most basic physical needs. I feel so sorry for all of her kids.

Crystal - posted on 02/12/2009

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Yea, I know that her, her mother and the kids all live in a 2 bed house and her Mom is the one who takes care of the first 6. She's on welfare and food stamps also.

Brenda - posted on 02/12/2009

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I think I feel worse for the six kids she already has.  Can you imagine what they have to go through knowing their mom just brought home eight babies?  Honestly, I'll be surprised if DFS doesn't step in at some point.  Just finding a house for that many kids within houseing guidelines would be next to impossible...  At least the Duggers have a specially built house for their family.  Jeeze.

Crystal - posted on 02/12/2009

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They'll do it if you have the money. She took her welfare money that she as supposed to be using on her first six kids to do the IVF. I think the doctor who implanted that many is negligible and she's irresponsible and should not be allowed to have any more kids. I have 3 and one on the way and they are all young and it's hard enough for me to give my kids the attention they deserve. There is no way she can give those kids the attention they need.

Brenda - posted on 02/12/2009

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It just amazes me.  The Duggers amaze me too, but at least they area  family and try to act that way.



I can't imagine choosing to have that many eggs implanted just because they're there.  I didn't think that they would even do IVF on someone who didn't have an income, though.  I guess I missed that somewhere...I kind of figured that to have an elective procedure done you had to prove you could pay them....  *shrugs*

Amanda - posted on 02/12/2009

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Though I love the idea of a large family, this mother is extremely irresponsible, and she doesnt care about parenting much less attach parenting (according to her mother who is raising the first 6 kids). I have a hard time comparing the Duggers to this woman, because at least the Duggers have 18 kids between the ages of early 20's to newborns, where her children are 14 under the age of 8. There are two parents at home with the Dugger children, and this woman is by herself. There is no way she could be a real parent to any of her 14 children, she is spread way to thin.



Many people are to blame here for her actions, the sperm doner, the doctor, her mother, herself, and the media. Thanks to shows like the Duggers, and Jon and Kate plus 8, this woman thinks she can do this, and others will be more then happy to help her out. We can only hope that some laws are put into place to help protect other unborn children from this happening to them.

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