Wrong to spend the holidays with my child?

Mila - posted on 11/23/2012 ( 4 moms have responded )

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My daughter live with her father, and I see her on the weekends. I also spend holidays with them - go Trick-or-Treating for Halloween, go to his house for Thanksgiving, etc.



My fiancé is mad that I went to her house for Thanksgiving, instead of going with him to a friend's house. Seems to think my intention is to get back together with her father, which is not going to happen (he has a girlfriend). Is it wrong that I chose to have Thanksgiving dinner with my child at her father's house, instead of my fiancé and his friends?

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Denikka - posted on 11/24/2012

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Then your fiance is a twit and I would seriously be re-evaluating your relationship with him. He needs to grow up and realize that your child comes first. Period. ALWAYS. She is the one person who is NOT negotiable. He is. And he either needs to smarten up or I say kick his childish butt to the curb and find a MAN that will join you in putting your daughter first and who will treat you both the way you deserve.

Mila - posted on 11/24/2012

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Her father has full physical custody (we split legal), so he kinda calls the shots on things like this. My relationship with him is cordial at best—we haven't always gotten along, and there was a year I didn't spend the holidays with her because of his hostility towards me.



I had offered to do a Thanksgiving dinner on the Sunday before, just the three of us (or invite some friends), but my fiancé declined. I've gone to my ex's for Thanksgiving for the past three years, I don't know why this year it causes a problem.



He was invited to my ex's, but my finacé doesn't like him very much (my ex shoved me in front of our daughter a couple of years ago). I was going to join my fiancé and his friends after the family dinner, but he told me not to show up. So, even though I've attempted to make compromises and find solutions to accommodate both of the important people in my life, somehow I'm still in the wrong…

Denikka - posted on 11/23/2012

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I think it's GREAT that you and her dad can get along well enough to spend the holidays together. Your fiance is absolutely being selfish. She's your child. She comes first, no matter what. Holidays are a special time of year, especially for the kids. And there's nothing nicer than having the family together and everyone getting along.

Maybe next time you can invite your fiance along with you (and your ex's girlfriend if she's not there anyways), so that no one feels excluded. If your fiance doesn't want to go, then tough titties. He can man up or ship out. Your daughter is more important.

Michelle - posted on 11/23/2012

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Why not get your daughter to come with you and spend the holiday together without her dad. I do not spend any holidays with my sons father we celebrate early if he is with his dad or after the fact there is no joint activities.

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