Help, I have created such a bad sleeping habit for my 14 month son, I am a first time mom, i have my routine, eat, play, bath, book, bottle and bed. I rock him and put him in his crib, when he night wakes i pick him up, try to rock him and put him back in his crib, but usually end up having him in bed with me, i'm just soo tired, he wakes 2-4 nightly for a drink of water. He used to sleep throught the night, don't know what happened, i have created such a bad habit and i cannot break it. The crying it out method does not work he gets so upset he throws up, and i a single mom who works fulltime so i give in to guilt and throw him in bed with me, HELP please.. also we share a room any ideas on how to transition him into his own room, without too much separation anxiety??

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Jenny - posted on 01/17/2009

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Hi Lisa, i have read that children take 3 days to make a habit and 3 days to break a habit. I think you need to brace yourself and expect 3 dodgy nights so maybe pick a time when you have a few days off work if you can? you just need to do it and put him in his own room, personally, (assuming he will be going into a cot) i find controlled crying is excellent, lay baby down in a dark room and leave the room and let him cry and go in to him after 1 minute. Do not pick him up ( go with the ethos of once he is in bed, he is staying in bed until morning, this will help in the long run), just lay him back down, say something soothing like 'night night angel, sleepy time' maybe stroke his head or pat his back if he is really distraught then leave the room and time 2 minutes then do the same as before. then 4 minutes, 8 and finally 15 minutes and keep going in every 15 minutes until he falls quiet. If he starts off again after a quiet period you need to start back at 1 minute. It sounds hard but try to bear in mind that he is only little and cannot possibly stay awake all night long, also bear in mind this will be new to him too and he needs to be taught how to go to sleep on his own. The same rules apply if he wakes during the night, no water or milk or cuddles, just do the 1 minute, 2 minute etc until he falls asleep again.
If you follow this strictly for a good few days, i promise you will crack it, my 14 month old goes to sleep within 3 or 4 minutes of being in his room and puts himself back to sleep if he wakes during the night (very rare that he does, maybe only if he is teething or poorly) all from doing this religiously for a few weeks.
i really feel for you, we have a 3 and a half year old who we had trouble with until we started doing this, when he had problems with sleep it was after we messed around with the controlled crying or because we were trying different methods too often, he didnt know if he was coming or going. the key was in picking the controlled crying as our method and sticking with it.
good luck x

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Jennifer - posted on 01/19/2009

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I am glad that it worked and he is going to sleep on his own!   Now I hope you can get some sleep;-)

Lisa - posted on 01/19/2009

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thank you all soo much, i did try the cry it out again this weekend, for naps and bedtime and it worked, no throwing up, he screamed a bit, but settled within minutes..it is nice to hear some good advice other than my mother and my parenting books, THANK YOU ALL SOO MUCH....

Jennifer - posted on 01/17/2009

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My daugher was born 11/16/07.  She was a difficult one to put down.  She would wake up as soon as she felt her crib.  She had to be one that had to feel you.. Once in a while she would stretch out and if she did not feel you there.  She woke up.  My first two children were this way too and we caved and let them sleep in the bed just to get some sleep.  We were determined not to let this one stay in our bed.  So i did the cry it out method. I know that you have tried this before, but you just need to keep reinforcing. It was heart wrenching to hear her cry but it only took one weekend and she was in her crib sleeping through the night.   My advice is if you are going to try this.  Do it over a weekend as it can very exhausting.  However, it may take longer.  If it does, just be consisitent.  He may take to it and then regress, but you need to stick to it!    When he cries check on him every 15 minutes to reassure him that you are still there.   Make sure he is not hungry, wet.,dirty or too hot. I also play lullaby music.






I know that there are a lot of moms out there that do not agree with this method...but this is the one that worked for me.



Norma - posted on 01/17/2009

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Hi:  Sorry that this is happening to you.  It's tiring enough when you do get sleep!!!  Lisa I think that you are going to have to be tough!!  I would move the baby into his own room.  He needs it and you need it.  Is there any chance that you could do that???  Get a place with an extra room.  Once he is in there you have to break the habit of having him fall asleep in your arms.  When he wakes up in the middle of the night (and they all do) he can't comfort himself back to sleep because the only thing he remembers is that you were holding him last time he was awake.  He doesn't know how to take care of himself.  And that means that he is going to cry and cry.  you need to place him in his crib awake.  Tired but awake and sit next to him until he falls asleep.  Every night move further and further away making your way towards the door.  You will find that it will take you 1-2 weeks to be able to put him down and walk out of the room and have him fall asleep without needing you to hold him.  Don't put him in your bed.  I know that its nice to snuggle but don't do it anymore until he understands the difference between snuggling and bedtime.  Once he is able to fall asleep on his own then when he wakes up in the middle of the night he will fall asleep on his own again.  I use a nightlight becuase my daugther has a stinky pinky doll that she NEEDS to comfort her when she needs to fall asleep.  I leave on the night light so that she could find pinky in the middle of the night.  IF for some reason she cries in the middle of night be it because she's cold or had a bad dream or whatever I go to her if she doesn't settle down but I do not under any circumstances let her fall asleep in my arms and NEVER take her to bed with me.  Obviously not all kids are the same and the older they are the harder it is to break a habit.  I put mine in her bedroom at 6 months but that's my advice to you.  I hope it works!!!  Good luck!!!

Mara - posted on 01/17/2009

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HI,



I was doing the same thing as you!! Although crying it out was very hard for me, It really worked after 3-4 nights.  She finally accepted that she had to stay in her crib, and layed down and went back to sleep. And she's one of those high strung criers too.  I work too, and know the guilt you feel!! Plus the sleepless nights are tough too, but the babies need to learn to go to sleep on their own!! And try as hard as you can to keep him out of your bed!! My neighbor is still trying to get her 6 year old son out of her bed!!  It'll pay off in the end!!

Zara - posted on 01/17/2009

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i think the fact i put winnie the pooh pics and decorations in Erica's new room helped her settle in it. sounds silly but she loves her room because its "her space" we have a special chair to sit in for her bedtime story, she adapted quickly. shes 14 months.

Rebecca - posted on 01/16/2009

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Maybe right now isn't the best time to do it if he is so upset he is getting sick.  I understand the being a single mom.  I had my first son at 18 and he started sleeping with me around the same age.  I hate to say it but my lil guy didn't start sleeping by himself until he had his own room and something to bribe him with which was a really cool bed with a slideat age 4! It could have been sooner but I had a roomate and only one room!  Since your son is 14 months it is a little hard to bribe without him talking just yet. Hang in there it will get better.  Maybe waiting until he is 18mths and try again, with each learning curve he may understand what you are trying to do! Hope I have helped in some way! Keep up the good work....it does get better I promise...mine is 8 years old now and doing great!

Vicky - posted on 01/16/2009

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hi i know how easy it is to let your child fall into a bad night time routine even when they have been in a good routine before hand it really doesnt take much!! have you tried the gradual withdrawl tech it may sound silly but super nanny does it on her show and it really does work. as for putting him in his own room i am sure that it wont be as bad as you expect chilren are very adaptable as long as the rom is warm and inviting i am sure it will all go well, good luck.

Vicky - posted on 01/16/2009

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Quoting Lisa:

Help, I have created such a bad sleeping habit for my 14 month son, I am a first time mom, i have my routine, eat, play, bath, book, bottle and bed. I rock him and put him in his crib, when he night wakes i pick him up, try to rock him and put him back in his crib, but usually end up having him in bed with me, i'm just soo tired, he wakes 2-4 nightly for a drink of water. He used to sleep throught the night, don't know what happened, i have created such a bad habit and i cannot break it. The crying it out method does not work he gets so upset he throws up, and i a single mom who works fulltime so i give in to guilt and throw him in bed with me, HELP please.. also we share a room any ideas on how to transition him into his own room, without too much separation anxiety??



 

Allison - posted on 01/16/2009

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I got into a bit of rut with bringing baby in bed with me in the night when my husband left me for a week. It took a few disturbed nights to get her back into her own bed. but she generally just cries and i give her her dummy and she turns back over and goes back to sleep now. I found putting her in her own room at 9 months when we moved house sorted her out for sleeping through the night too... I found i slept better because i wasnt jumping up at every single noise and she slept better because my snoring didnt wake her.. and we have to admit we all make noises when we sleep.

Both my brother and i shared my mums bed when my father died when i was 18 months old... and as my mother points out we soon grew out of it.

Dont blame yourself, parenthood is a real learning curve. I have experience of 7 years as a single mum and also as a married mother... between you me and the listening post (ie dont tell my hubby) I found it so much easier as the single mum... enjoy your baby!!! xx

Zara - posted on 01/16/2009

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dont know if it will help but i had a similar problem when my lil girl was 7 months, started just with the teething and i needed sleep so baby went into our bed. i found that she was happier in her own room, control crying worked better and without me going to bed in the same room she isnt woken up. i was always told not to rock the baby as they do wake in the night and need to learn how to go back to sleep by themselves. i hope i have helped a little, but just so you know.....its not just you who makes mistakes we all do, were only human! xx

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