Sleeping - To cry or not to cry?

Melissa - posted on 09/15/2009 ( 9 moms have responded )

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Hi ladies,



Just wanting to know everyone's thoughts about the crying method. I'm on day 3 & so emotionally drained hearing my son cry. Its breaking my heart. I'm doing it for naps & bedtime. Is this right? Also how long do you leave your bubs & what do you do when you go into your bub?? My son is getting so upset that he poo's himself! Is this normal?? I'm finding it extremely hard so I would appreciate ANY help & suggestions. Also it seems that he gets even more upset once I go into the room to soothe him & just wants to be picked up. Anyway I'll await some responses.



Mel xoxo

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As you asked the question of "To Cry or Not to Cry," I will put my vote in for "not to cry." I just can't imagine letting my little guy CIO. It just does not feel right to me at all. If you must do some type of "sleep training," I would suggest "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" as it is a much more gentle way for baby.

Someone suggested "Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child" - personally, I would beware. The author recommends pillows be tied to the crib if your baby starts banging his head against it and also suggests letting your baby sleep in his vomit (from crying). Babies cry because it is one of the few ways that they can communicate their needs. Babies do not manipulate, that is just in the parent's mind as what the baby needs is not what the parent wants to do at that moment.

Not trying to flame at all, just offering a different perspective. I would vote for Dr. Sears' "Nighttime Parenting."

Thompson - posted on 09/19/2009

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I have twins and a 6 yr old and I really think it's all about the routine. I did let my first one cry a couple nights.It was difficult, but it worked. If one of the twins cry I cover him up and rub is back until he calms down. I don't pick him up though. I am a big believer in the routine. When they know what to expect they do so much better.

Melanie - posted on 09/19/2009

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It sounds to me like your not being very consistent with your approach which is going to be harder for you but especially your baby. Done correctly, the CIO method can ultimately be extremely effective, but done wrong (ie you go to him after letting him cry because you change your mind) and all you're doing is confusing your poor baby who is simply learning that he needs to cry EVEN harder to get your attention the next time. I was lucky, my sister gave me an amazing book called "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" when my daughter was born and we have been consistently following a sleep schedule since she was about 4 mos old. My daughter now takes two 1 1/2 -2 hr naps a day and sleeps from 7pm to 7am every night. Waking up all night long does not have to be a reality for any parent! The great thing about Dr. Weissbluth's book is that it has several different methods that you can follow and you can find the one that works best for you, esp if the total CIO method is difficult for you. The most important thing to know is that babies that are sleep deprived can't sleep. The more sleep your baby gets, the better quality sleep it will be. Start off by putting your baby to bed early and putting him down everyday at the same time for bedtime and naps. And get that book, it has been my bible!

EMILY - posted on 09/17/2009

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I had this problem with my son at around 81/2 months when i put him in his cot he would start screaming as soon as i walked away, i would go backwards & forwards giving his dummy back laying him down again etc. We got to the point where i would walk in the room & the crying would stop & he would laugh at me & clap his hands as if to say yay it worked mummy is back. I spoke to my health visiter about this she said at around 8-10 months babies start to panick that you may not be coming back they become clingy & also start pushing the boundries. She told me to put him to bed with the normal routine when the screaming starts only re-enter the room 3 times first time tell them its bedtime darling mummy loves you see you in the morning etc, second time just say its bedtime, third time give dummy lay them down etc but say nothing. After that stay close to the door if you feel the need but out of sight but let him cry. Of course this can be heartbreaking for you to listen to but i left him for 45 mins the first night then 15 the second night & on the third night i didn't need to go back in once. She said the first stage is about showing them mummy is still there for them she hasn't done a runner lol but it is bedtime & they can not use screaming to get their own way. Don't get me wrong if he needed changing or was holding breath too long choking or vomiting i would of been in there like a flash , this really worked for me now we have no issues with bed time he goes 7 till 7 every night. Good luck xx

Kylie - posted on 09/16/2009

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i don't like CIO for that exact reason its far to stressful for me to listen to, let alone my baby. I'd say you can modify the way you use CIO to suit yourself. Some people don't like to leave their baby cry alone so they don't leave the room..some people thinking going back in every 10 mins or so upsets the child more. I think the main thing to do it get educated about this sleep training technique first so you can be confident in your decision. And remember CIO doesn't work for all babies, some are far too stubborn. There is a great book called The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elisabeth Pantly, it's about teaching your child to sleep independently without leaving them to cry, it's a slower more gentle process. As a mother you can tell the difference between a tired whingy cry and a full on hysterical i need you cry..if your baby is in distress or has pooed his nappy pick him and console him. I co-sleep, it works for my family and every gets a good night sleep, including me. There's a lot of info on the web about sleep training, do some reading and hopefully you a good support system to help you get through it. Good Luck

User - posted on 09/16/2009

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At 6 months old, my daughter began waking up 3 - 4 times through out the night to be rocked back to sleep. I used the cry it out method to sleep train her and she began sleeping through the night on the first night. This method is emotionally draining and can be hard you need lots of support. One lady on this site sent me an e book called "Sleep Sense" I thought this book did wonders and helped me sleep train my daughter. My partner and I read the book together so that we would be both on the same page. If you would like more information just send me a message with your email and I will reply to you back.

Kaitlyn - posted on 09/16/2009

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I started "training" my son to sleep at about 6 months. i would put him in his crib and let him cry. My fiance and i would listen to the cries and if they sounded bad like he was choking or crying too hard we would pick him up, soothe him, then put him back down. if it didnt work that time, we played with him until it wore him out (about 20 minutes) then he would just pass out. I know how hard it is but i wish you the best of luck.

Shawna - posted on 09/16/2009

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How old is he? If he is still really young 3-6 months old i would let him cry for about 10 mins and if he is crying really hard i would go pick him up and soothe him some way, nursing, back rub rocking for a bit then put him back down and try again for 10 mins.

If he is and older baby he may be more stubborn so i hear. I don't really know, i started doing this with my baby around 3 months 'cuz he would only sleep on me and i had to rock him. It didn't take my son long, he found his fingers and that's what soothed him. Now he naps well unless we are out somewhere then he is just stubborn and cranky!!
Do what feels right to u, i know it is hard to let them cry, i wouldn't do it for more than 10 mins tho.

Leanne - posted on 09/16/2009

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I haven't done any real research on this topic I just do what feels right to me. We leave our son (10 months old) for up to 10 mins if he is making sleepy crying sounds. We will go into him and gently talk and rub his back but not pick him up. Usually he will settle in under 10 mins. If he is getting distressed I leave him a few mins to see if he will settle but if not I will pick him up. We are still getting up in the night with him about 3/4 times to give him his soother, but he usually goes straight back to sleep then. I think he goes to sleep easier for me cuz I put him down for his naps during the day but at night he tends to test Daddy a bit, Daddy wants to play as much as the baby cuz he doesn't see him all day. You have to do what feels right to you. Hope that helps a bit, good luck!

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