tantrums and TWO"s

Melissa - posted on 07/07/2010 ( 18 moms have responded )

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My daughter is almost two , she's into everything . Everything turns into a tantrum!
Help me ............

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Lauren - posted on 07/08/2010

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Melissa,

My advice to you, is when they start thrashing around, just turn around and walk away. Showing attention to that behavior only tells them that they get attention for that. no good! especially if you have short patience already, then it might help you too, to take a few seconds and walk away, to regain yourself. when my lil one starts that i walk away.... she may follow me but the tantrum dissipates in seconds. Or , first try to distract them with something else, like helping you with something... then if that doesn't work ( i know some lil misses are persistent) then walk away. I wouldn't be angry at her, b/c afterall its normal, but give it a few minutes and then talk to her like nothing, ex. " there is my happy girl!" when she changes her attitude! show her that its good to be happy, not that she gets attention for acting out.

hope this helps!

Tine - posted on 07/14/2010

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The best helpI can offer is a couple of wonderful books that have helped me to understand where this behaviour comes fromand how to deal with it in the mosthelpful way.The BEST one is called 'The Science of Parenting' -it's SO SO good!! Read the whole thing, it's very reader friendly, but there's a section on 'behaving badly that deals with tantrums. The author is Margot Sunderland.
Also, 'Adventures in Gentle Discipline' from the La Leche League is great.

Clara - posted on 07/09/2010

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We have a very complicate beautiful way of dealing with this !

First we learned to identify the triggers, if she is tired, we remove the stimulus and create a calming atmosphere etc. When she is destructive we let her destroy something, even if it means breaking a few eggs. We find the most creative ways of allowing her to channel the energy and feelings, but sometimes they just need to feel !!

If we missed the triggers, we validate the emotions (you are angry/sad/disappointed) and let her go through the tantrum, being close by, so that she understand that we accept her huge emotions, she goes through the feelings, cries, screams and then accepts reality and moves on. This means that she has now dealt with this emotion, she healed herself, without my approval or disapproval !! So she can truly move on.

I do not impose my adult feelings unto her, so we validate, we do not critize, we do not praise, we just accept her and this stage of her life.

I recently changed my parenting style and it has made a huge difference to my whole family. My daughter is calm and gentle, and even my husband is exited about the whole process.

We do not use the phrase "terrible two`s", there is nothing terrible about it ....

Jen - posted on 07/08/2010

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its something tht always happens thats why they call it the terriable two she will grow out of it until then try time outs take her fav toy off her etc when shes naughty

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Debi - posted on 08/05/2010

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My daughter is the same, just walk away. My husband tells her she must be tired and makes her lay on her bed but I don't have time to do that all day long so just ignore her. When she is happy again I make sure to give her the attention she originally wanted by reading a book or playing. BTW - I absolutely believe in ignoring and punishing children, it's just a matter of doing it appropriately!

Clara - posted on 08/05/2010

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I am just flabbergast by the responses - a child must never be ignored ! My daughter is does not have tantrums, fits , bites, hits nor is she ever demanding or whining! Why - well we understand that she is only 20 months old - she cannot wait - we meet her needs, especially the emotional ones.

We do not spank, raise our voices, not do we use time-out!

Why because I dont have a -" she is supposed to by now" attitude. We play lots of power games, we validate her emotions , yes and sometimes we let her cry when she needs to cry. Sometimes there is stress that we dont see, and she needs to let it out. I promise you she is the most patient kindest little girl.

Even when she starts having tantrums, I will be the mother/person I am - as long as we stay true to ourselves, we can treat our children with the respect and love that they so deserve.

There is no reason to ever ignore / punish a child.

Lynette - posted on 08/03/2010

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ignore, ignore, ignore! paying attention will only make it worse.............time outs work really well with my daughter as a warning as she doesn't like them! i give her a minute time out on the stairs and i sit with her. i only do this when she doesn't listen, if she throws a tantrum i just ignore it and i have seen a decrease in this behaviour as well as her listening skills by using the time outs. i know its really frustrating but by not reacting on your emotions you will have the best results! Good lu!ck

Renee - posted on 07/26/2010

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So glad to know that what my 20 month old is going through is fairly normal. It has been difficult seeing my sweet girl stomp her foot while yelling "no". Now she just ignores me if I ask her to do something that she doesn't want to do. It almost seems like it is a game to her. She looks at me out of the corner of her eyes to see what my reaction is to her behavior. Knowing that it is normal helps to deal.

Alison - posted on 07/21/2010

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I ignore these tantrums, and after a minute or 2 he forgets about it. He has started throwing these alot recently and its very hard to ignore him as he is throwing himself around the floor so i now i just walk away. he soon stops.

Kan - posted on 07/19/2010

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I'm right with you ladies, I have a persistent 20 month old that tests my patience. The ignoring and walking away works the best from the different tactics Ive tried so far. The more attention the fit or getting into something she's not supposed to gets the longer it lasts. Ignore it and it really does end a lot faster and they move on to other things. The screaming and fits are a tough one no matter how you deal with it though. lol. :)

Deborah - posted on 07/19/2010

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K, my little guy started at 19 months. Terrible two's started early for him. He too is into everything and I get to the point where I lose my patients too. It seems you just take your eyes off them for one split second and they are into something they shouldn't. My house is locked up like Fort Knox! When he doesn't get what he wants he throws a fit. I walk away from him or just put him in his room with the door open until he calms down. Eventually he does, but it may take a lot of screaming...hopefully this will all end soon.

Katherine - posted on 07/19/2010

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I walk away when my daughter throws them, it does work, if its somewhere that I cant walk away from her (in the supermarket etc) I remover her from the situation. I also find trying to distract her works and trying to defuse her tanntrum before it starts buy giving her a hug or tickling her, just whatever I have or can do to get her back into a good mood and forget about the tantrum before she throws it, you can usually spot them before they get to the point of no return and that usually is the best time to try and get a handle on it before it gets out of control.

Kristy - posted on 07/17/2010

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I found that if I just said I'm not going to talk to you until you're done throwing your fit, and then walked away and acted like he didn't exist he would stop his fits sooner and now he very rarely throws fits. Time outs don't really work for him.

Alisha - posted on 07/16/2010

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I agree with not giving it attention. Just walk away from the tantrum and she'll get over...My doc even recomended it. We do time out occassionally but not during a tantrum.

April - posted on 07/15/2010

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When my daughter goes into tantrum mode, or as I like to call it her 'psycho-baby insane mode', I kind of look at her and say, "Fine, have a fit. You'll get over it." and go back to what I'm doing. Eventually she just gives up and comes to cuddle.

Katrina - posted on 07/13/2010

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With mine I just walk away and return when she has calmed down. She follows me sometimes but if you simply say that you will talk to them when they stop throwing a fit and stick to it then they will begin to understand that they are not getting the desired effect from throwing a fit to begin with.

Melissa - posted on 07/08/2010

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Yes , that was very helpful, thank you! I have older kids ,too! This is also helpful for teenage tantrums , lol!

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