Constantly clashing with my four year old

Justine - posted on 02/14/2012 ( 5 moms have responded )




I seem to constantly be clashing with one of my four year old twin girls - I feel as though I am fighting with her every single day and spend a lot more of my day shouting than is good for any of us! She has just become so willful and will not do as she is told or listen - we have always been quite strict - if they are asked or told to do something, they do it, no questions, no nonsense - but I am starting to wonder if perhaps I am just being too hard? My instinct is to stick to my guns - no negotiation, no back-tracking, no changes of heart - but it is just getting SO hard!

Anyone else having four-year old blues?!

PS I'm not having the same issues with her twin sister, so I'm less inclined to think the issue comes from our parenting style than just her personality asserting itself (they have very different personalities)


Becca - posted on 02/28/2012




It would be great to find a clear-cut answer. I must say, sometimes I feel as though my 4-yr old son and me are arguing like siblings!! It's funny at times, but can get very very frustrating!!!! He's like a little mister who thinks his ideas are always the right ones, hmmm, yes,... I realize we have spoiled him rotten! However, he is, without a doubt the most sweet loving child in the whole world! I have found that it is SO important to do things for him that allows his independent thinking & ideas to be creative, even in carrying on conversations with him in the car about how he will set up his 'car lot' (hotwheels) at the bzbysitters. It's very important to slow down & listen to his thoughts & stories, even when they're really silly & goofy ones.....he is 4, afterall. He tells me sometimes , "Momma, I have everything under control." when I try to help him with something.

I notice when he has been out running errands with me or after a long day with no nap.... Let's face it, some people-including myself- get very grumpy & fussy when tired. My kid seems impossible when he gets this way. 4-year olds are lots of fun though. They're trying to stay our little babies one moment, and the next they're flying jet planes, playing mechanic, building skyscrapers, even saving the world! Mine doesn't like baths or brushing his teeth, buts it's only because he has to pause his playtime! I know we'll someday look back and say...."Geez, I wish he was still 4 years old.". I love my little 'in charge' baby boy.

Rachel - posted on 04/11/2012




My 4 year old daughter is a terror. She has her moments when she wants to be sweet & loving but most of the time she gives us an attitude & acts like she's the parent & we're the kids. She listens more to my mother-in-law then she does us & it gets very frustrating. We are by no means harsh or too strict with her at all. His mom has spoiled her rotten. She constantly is going behind our backs every time we say no to something. My daughter is mainly nice to whoever is giving her what she wants at the time. I just want back my little girl who had no problem doing what she was asked to do & always had a smile on her face.

Alisha - posted on 02/22/2012




My four year old son does the same thing we aren't really strict with him but strict enough when his daddy is home he listens very well but when it's just me and the kids he is horrable i feel the same way i spend most of my time yelling then anything and i have tried everything. I finally told him he is being mean to me when he does not listen and do what he's told. If he wants me to be nice to him he has to be nice to me by doing what i ask him to do seems to be working most of the time not always though


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Jennifer - posted on 07/04/2013




I'm crying. My little girl is gone. Unless she gets her way we are fighting constantly and it makes me so sad. I remember hating my mother when I was much older than four and now my daughter and I are fighting constantly. She doesn't even trust or believe us and I've never let anything happen to her or lie to her. Its so hard watching my sweet smiling girl turn into a stranger at four years old. I dont even see the love in her eyes anymore for her mom because we are always fighting. I was a great child and youth worker but being a mom is so hard.

[deleted account]

I agree with you. She's testing you, stick to your guns. My 4 year old is doing the same thing. I feel horrible for having to fuss at her so much, but we will not do them any favors by letting them get away with things. I just try to make our fun time that much more special, so that it will at least "balance out" the times we butt heads. Hope that helps!

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