A flaky dad or no dad at all?

[deleted account] ( 38 moms have responded )

I know I'm torn about this topic so maybe some of you can give me some insight! Some of us are blessed with wonderful men in our lives and other are not.........if ur child's father was a flake would you deny him access to ur child? Is a flaky ( drops in and out, can't take responsibility ) dad better than no dad at all?


Shelby - posted on 02/27/2010




Here is my thought on it, after going through 2 custody cases and really being burnt both ways.

You should never deny a father or mother for that matter the right to see their child...Child support and visitation are two separate entities. For example a man may be down on his luck, lost him job, looking for another, not able to provide child support right now, but be a wonderful father, on the other hand, You may have a woman that gets pregnant by a slimeball CEO that can provide oodles of child support yet doesn't want to, but is still entitiled to visitation even though he is a poor father.
With that being said. Children are going to grow up naturally curious about whatever parent isn't there...Even more if there has been "glimpses" of them in and out. You will never have to answer for what the absent parent does, Only for what you do. You never want you child to come to you with the question Why did you keep my dad away from me? If he/she doesn't him/herself know that dad, They can have any impression of them that they want. They can believe to themselves that Daddy has been pining away for them for years, striving to see them, doing everything in their power, and the evil mommy has said NO!!! Children are very resilient. Yet, kids are not stupid. If you give Daddy the opportunity, even if it is supervised visitation at first if there is a worry about safety, or if the child is an infant/toddler and doesn't know the dad, And daddy really isn't worth a damn....Trust me, he'll hang his self. No one, be it a Dad, or Mom, is going to go through any trouble for anyone other than themselves if it is going to be an inconvenience...UNLESS they are in it for the right reasons.... For love, and to do the right thing.

IF in the future, Daddy flakes out again and this time disappears, then Mommy doesn't have to worry when the questions come up. Mommy will be able to be there to help her child through the inevitable heartache (trust me on this one) when a child realizes that either A) that other parent doesn't want/love them B)They just don't feel like they are important enough to be bothered with. When parents separate it is ALWAYS the kid who suffers. As parents we have to ask ourself, Which one of us is going to swallow our pride and do not what we WANT to do, but what NEEDS to be done for our child.

And the fact that she may be afraid on Daddy flaking out again somewhere in the future is not grounds to deny the father a chance for visitation. When it comes to visitation, and custody this is up to a judge. In a courtroom there is very little room for the emotions, wants, needs of the parent. The judge is worried about the child. What the child deserves and needs in their life. In MOST cases that is two parents.

All that is very stringent upon simply whether or not that absent parent is straight up found unfit.

However, Always do it the legal way as judges take vengeful, angry, feuding parents very seriously and it doesn't fly in a courtroom.

[deleted account]

For my money a Dad who is positively and activly involved in their child's life is not a dead beat wether he is paying support or not. I would rather have a Dad who shows up for soccer games, birthdays and tummy aches than a guy who is never seen or heard from but pays support every month.

[deleted account]

I can't deny my ex access to the kids (court orders), but after living a year and a half w/ him making barely minimal contact and the past 6ish months of him making more contact, but still not consistently.... I honestly believe that my kids would be a lot more stable if he would drop out of our lives permanently. IF he were willing to put them first and be reliable and consistent it would be different, but EVERY time he calls or visits they (and me) pay for it w/ the emotional fallout. Yes, they would miss him and it would be rough, but not as rough as what we've all been through the past 2 years. He's really NOT a real part of their lives anymore and that was his choice, but what he IS in their lives is not actually benefiting them at this time.

Penny - posted on 05/31/2010




I dont think there is a better or worse option out of the 2. I mean you get disappointed and heartbroken when "flaky" dad doesnt show up and your hurt and heartbroken thinking about how "No show" dad doesnt love you because he is not in your life. I think all we can do as mothers when in this situation is just making sure your child/ren know that YOU are always there for them and that they have you to depend on.

Meghan - posted on 05/16/2010




Yes father's are important- but it has been said already, being a dad isn't part time! He shouldn't be able to just come and go as he wishes or when is convient for him. Kids need structure and support. Not a Disneyland dad to come and go and disapoint.

I wish I could trust my son with my ex. But I can't. I guess this is where my situation differs from some because it IS a safety issue. I think sometimes my natural mama bear instinct kicks in and thank God I have a lot of unbiased people in my life to help me sort out what is best for my boy. Let me be clear- I have NEVER denied a visit but I have had to put restrictions on them. Since doing so my ex has decided no to see his son at all! I have to be a voice for my son in our situation.

If a mom was flakey there would be SO many other points of view to this. A mother is expected to do everything and be nurturing whereas IMO society allows SOME men to slack of and be complete losers and I feel it is more accepted.


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Heidi - posted on 05/28/2010




For me this topic hits close to home. I have a son that has a bio dad that rarely sees him. Like 2 or 3 times a year. Sure the bio dad lives 2 and bit hours away, however he does have family and friends in the same city where I live. My ex is suppose to see our son every other week, but he chooses not to. He doesn't come for our sons birthday, school activites and so on and so on, but yet the bio dad and stepmom blame me. How is it my fault that they choose not to come for there regular visits? Its to the point now where my son rarely even goes to there house for a weekend. Like I said 2 or 3 times a year. If my ex would have stuck to the court order and would come when he is suppose to then none of this would ever have been a issue. Its plain and simple. Either be a part of your childs life or don't be. You can't just come and go when it fits into your schedule. My son knows his bio dad is always there for his half sisters. He goes to there sports things, school things and so on, but when it comes to my son NOTHING. My ex takes time off of work to go hunting and fishing and whatever else he is intrested in, but again nothing for his son. My son is his only son and the oldest, cuz he has 3 daughters with his wife. Parents should treat there kids equally and love them equally. I have told my ex many times over the years and my son is now 11, to come and see his son every other week, but there is always some sort of excuse as to why he can't come. Its funny cuz last year my ex came to town with his wife for a stag and doe or something, and he didn't even bother come to see his son. Pretty sad if you ask me. Well its been 5 months now since they have last seen my son and since out court order states that the dad is to give me his summer vacation that he would like to have my son is to be given to me by May1st of each year...well that hasn't happened yet either. Guess my son won't be seeing his other family this summer either again.

All I know is that what my ex chooses to do is NOT my fault at all. I don't deny him access whats so ever. He can see his son when he wants to, but HE chooses NOT to. Its to the point now where I let my son decide whether he wants to see that side of the family or not. This has been going on for years now, and my son now realizes where he stnads with that side of the family. I could go on and on, but its pointless because I know my exes wife is on COM and she will have a few words to say about this, but it doesn't matter, because I am not the one that controls my ex or his actions. He is a grown man and can make his own decisions. I just will never force my son to go somewhere he feels unwanted. I am not the one loosing out on a great young man its my ex. My ex knows hardly anything about his and its sad, however my son has a stepdad that treats him and loves him like his own.

Jaime - posted on 05/16/2010




I have put a lot of thought into this question because my son has one of those flaky dads that you speak of. While I didn't deny him access or rights to our son, it wasn't my job to make it easy for him to be in Gray's life. By that I don't mean that I went out of my way to be a complete nightmare. I'm talking about not putting up with his bullshit about not having a lot of time, being really busy, not having a lot of money, not having proper living conditions, not telling his daughters they have a brother, not telling his family that he has a son, etc, etc, etc. From the first moment that he began making excuses I had made up in my mind that if he continued with the excuses I would be filing custody papers and let a judge decide the when, how and where of it all. I was already going through enough with depression and financial stress that I didn't need to stress about the goings on of my baby's father. Turns out that Chris made things a whole lot easier by deciding to back away completely and never bother with us again. Of course that wasn't before he blamed me for trying to control his life--NOT true!. So I just swallowed the big, heavy lump of sadness in my throat and carried on. We went to court, and I stipulated in the court documents that Chris was more than entitled to see Gray, he just needed to tell me when and then commit to it...I didn't think that was too much to ask, but apparently he did. Despite that ordeal, today I'm a much stronger person I think because I finally did what needed to be done for my son! My job is to protect my child and my job is to give him a safe, secure and stable home. If his father is only going to make time for him when it's convenient then that's not a parent my child needs to have. A parent is full-time and that means that even when he's not around, he's still a parent and still available (whether mentally or physically) for our son. Chris couldn't be any of these things for Gray and I had to make a tough decision to hand him the ultimatum. I used to fight within myself at the thought of sitting across from my teen-aged son in 15 years and having him say "I hate you for taking him away from me" but then I got thinking...I'm not taking away anything because he never had it to begin with. A biological tie does not a parent make! My son has a father that has chosen not to be in his life and I truly believe he is better off with no father than a flaky one. I didn't illegally withhold my son from Chris, so perhaps that's where my story differs from the deliberate actions of a mother to deny her child their father---but I'm no longer sad about my choice to file the papers. My son fought his way into this world and it's my job, until he is old enough, to fight for him in any way that I can to make the difficult situations in life more bearable. I will tell my son about his father and all of the wonderful things I know and still love about him and I will encourage any curiosity that he has in the future...but for now I am his only parent and our lives are all the better for it!

Chris' mom comes to see Gray once in a very-seldom while...Christmas, his birthday..it's few and far between but I suppose it's my way of keeping the door open for Gray. I only wish it could be more because I look at my beautiful, fun-loving, sweet boy and I can't imagine why the man that made him possible would deny him the benefits of a father.

[deleted account]

I'm torn because I think fathers are so important. Fathers of any kind have such a big influence on their children. Kids even look up to dead beat dads. I sometimes wonder if some children are better off without a dad who fails to fulfil his obligations and is a bad influence on them. I'm not sure how to answer this one. I just hope I'm never in that situation.

Corena - posted on 05/14/2010




The child's relationshoip with their father is just that, their relationship with their father. It is not up to the mother to decide what kind of relationship it will be. (Unless there are safety issues of course.)
We have a situation like that...except it is my kids "real" mom that is flaky/insane. We have never interfered in their relationship with her. Except when they were not safe.
Now that they are teenagers they have chosen not to have relationship with her. We had nothing to do with that, we let them decide. Her behaviour over many, many years made them not want to see her anymore. Kids are not stupid, they remember things and eventually put it all together.
Because we never tried to keep them from contact with her, they have no resentment toward us for the situation and it ended up being a large part of their growing up and becoming responsible for their own actions. They made a decision that was good for them and they get to take all the credit for it.

Jaime - posted on 05/13/2010




What about when BM's action's for many years in turn make Dad appear to be a "flake"?

Ramona - posted on 05/13/2010




When I say that though, I mean allowing the child to go places with them. I don't see the harm in any father coming to visit their child, no matter what he's done. I should clarify. I had a different idea in my mind of "access."

Ramona - posted on 05/13/2010




In the case where a father is actively abusing drugs and alcohol, it is up to a mother to protect her child from him as anyone doing this is unpredictable and dangerous. I'm a recovering alcoholic, and I have compassion for those with addictions, but to me, compassion and sending my child with someone who is irresponsible and unpredictable are two completely different things! I think in that case, yes, it's better to have no father than a flaky one.

Ariel - posted on 05/13/2010




I think if the dad is flaky keep him away!!!!! No dad is better than growing up thinking your daddy doesnt love you because he said he was coming and he didnt show up. Your child will get too the point where she thinks that its her fault that her daddy isnt there and I believe she will have problems wit men for the rest of her life. In the work place in love. whereever. If you are having this problem then you need to explain too him that this is a child. he can play head games with you all he wants but when it comes too that baby hes either there fully or not at all. DADDY IS NOT A PART TIME JOB!!!!!! GROW UP OR GET OUT!!!!!

Suzette - posted on 04/18/2010




I'll answer from the child's POV. My biological father was a flake, still is a flake, and I hope I never see/hear from him again. My parents separated when I was 7 years old. He constantly spewed evil things about my mother. My mother on the other hand refused to say a bad word about him even though I blamed her for the separation and divorce, kicked and screamed, threw tantrums like crazy, and told her I hated her. He flaked on visitations, never kept up his end of anything, didn't get gifts for anything, and rarely called. When he did call it was to check up on my mother through my brother and me or to talk about how horrible my mother was. When we did see him, it was to do the same things even if we were with him for the summer. He also made sure to make us feel as though his new wife (now deceased) and his step children were gold and we were dirt. He constantly berated us and made sure that everything he did went against my mother. My mother STILL refused to say anything against him in our presence. (I don't know that I could've been as strong as she was/is.) And, the whole time, she didn't see a dime of child support either.

Fast forward to when I was a teenager, my step mother went missing. (Going back a bit, my biological father used to beat my mom horribly. Since there was no record of it, the courts ordered joint custody.) When my step mother went missing, they questioned everyone, even called my mom and asked to speak to my brother and I, we didn't go to visit my biological father after that. I didn't understand why at the time, I did after a few years though. His brother eventually got extremely wasted and told the cops that he had helped my biological father bury her after my biological father murdered her. I have never seen him again. I wrote him one letter telling him I never wanted to speak to him, after he wrote me a letter.

That's when my mother finally told me the truth when I asked her the hard questions. Of course, I was about 15 years old, possibly older. I have spent years still apologizing ot her, my step dad (who adopted my brother and I - the man I consider my Dad and the most wonderful man in the world along with my husband!) all because of the hell and torment I put them both through. Of course, as a child we don't know these things, unless we're told and we always feel like we're in the middle so we feel like we're being lied to anyway.

While in some situations it can be dangerous, I say that the best thing is to allow a "flaky dad" to hang themselves. I do believe no dad is better than a flaky dad, but I don't believe it's the mother's choice to make either. If your situation is dangerous, your best bet is to try your damndest to get the proof and give it to the judge. My mother didn't have any because of the small town we lived in while he was doing all his crap to her.
(186 people to be exact. He knew all the cops, it was a good ole boy thing. Calling them would've likely gotten her killed. His family believed that she brought it all on herself and her family was over a thousand miles away - she had no money and there was no bank account, how she got us away was a whole long story in itself.)

I once asked her how she kept her mouth shut the entire time, she told me that she knew that we'd learn on our own and form our own opinions but she refused to be like women she knew who tried to get their children full of hatred. Just her opinion and how she saw things. (She worked for the courthouse for a while and she saw too much of that she said.)

Since I haven't personally been there as a mother, I couldn't say how I would react. I would like to think I would have that will power, but I don't know. Her situation was extremely touchy and difficult. There were a lot of things that happened that I don't want to ever remember, but they happened to make us all stronger as a family. My mom and I are like best friends now... and that man who tried to tear us all apart... well he's enjoying his prison sentence. =)

Melissa - posted on 04/15/2010




I am answering this from the child's view point. A flaky dad is better than no dad. My parents were divorced when I was a kids, although he has only seen my 10 month old 3 times since he was born (and only lives 14 minutes away) I'd rather him be flaky than non-existent.

[deleted account]

Every man shoud be given the chance to see his child. If he makes one mistake give him a second chance but if he buggers up again he loses the right to see them. The child can then decide when they're older whether they want to see their father.

Alison - posted on 03/01/2010




I think the child is entitled to know exactly who his or her father is. If you deny them access, the child sees you as the bad guy and idealizes the father. It is much better to let the dad be the dad he chooses to be jerk or gentleman.

That said, those dads should probably be neutred!

[deleted account]

It depends what you mean by 'flakey'. A little out there, a bit selfish, not always the best role model - well, who is? I think by cutting someone intrinsic out of a child's life because they're not perfect teaches that child that only perfection will be tolerated, and all others need not apply. That's a lot of pressure.
If we're talking real abuse here, then that's another matter entirely.

Sunshine - posted on 02/28/2010




I would never as much as I hated him would never deny him of his children thats not right.. If it weren't for him you wouldn't have em.. Even tho they can be a-Holes they are still the father of your child! If you mean by he doesn't have a job & help support thats a dead beat but if he is still willing to be in his/her life then thats good thats still part of responsibility heck maybe Im just weird but thats how I see it.. Now if he don't want anything to do with your baby then CHILD SUPPORT.. But yeah I would say a flake would be in and out!!

Sharon - posted on 02/28/2010




I like reading about proactive women (Jessica) and the positive outcomes - its a relief. Not sure why, it just is. crap happens and someone found a way to handle it with grace. AWESOME.

[deleted account]

Sharon: Ur frickin hilarious! Whether I agree with you or not I always look forward to ur comments.....keep up the good work!

Fiona: Thanks for sharing that! You're one of the few who has spoken about that end of it! I admire ur ability to adjust and forgive in those situations!

Jessica: I'm sooo glad everything worked out for you! Ur son is very lucky to have you on his side!

[deleted account]

I had it put into my custody order that my son's dad couldn't float in and out of his life like that. Of course it helped that he didn't show up for the hearing. I was absolutly not willing to put my son through that kind of heartache. I am more than happy to take on the big bad mom keeping dad away from his child role. I do not talk bad about his dad when my son asked questions about what his father was like I answered them and made sure that he knew what I liked and loved about his dad. I also made sure that my son knew that I had custody of him and have shown him the order before. He knows that I will keep him safe and with me.
His father and I had no contact for 9 years and now I reinitiated contact because my son was getting curious about things I had no answer for. We are both able to act like grown ups around each other now, which we didn't do so well before, and he is interested and involved in my son's life and goes out of his way to be at special events.
Either way, I stand by my decision and if he starts to get flaky again I will stop contact again. Nobody is allowed to rip my kid's heart out.

[deleted account]

My Dad was a flake (actually, he still is) but he was a wonderful and loving father whenever he was around (which was rare when I was young). He must have driven my Mother crazy, no child support, unreliable, he would take us some holidays but not others as he travelled a lot, he had strange girlfriends, his house was a mess, we wouldn't hear from him for months then he'd call out of the blue and want to chat. I had to call him on my birthday up until I was 21 if I wanted to hear him tell me happy birthday. He is just a strange man. But I still love and adore him even though I know he was difficult to deal with. *edit* I just learned from an early age that he was unreliable and hard work and he would make me upset if I let it all affect me, so I learned young to just not let it get to me.*

My relationship with him soured around the time I was 21 because I was sick of everyone else having to put in the effort with him, while he just flaked out and did what ever he wanted. But we are now getting along really well, because I finally told him exactly what I thought of how he had behaved and how his actions had impacted on my childhood. And he listened and was respectful of my feelings. I am thankful that my Mother never denied him access to us and she allowed us the space to form our own opinions of him. It gave me the strength to tell him the truth and that let him see himself through other peoples eyes. He is not perfect, but he is the only biological father I have and forming a relationship with him despite the difficulties has been a great life lesson in finding the positive in every situation.

The world is full of flaky people, some of those people are related to us. Everyone is going to have to deal with a flaky person at some point. As long as they are not causing harm or neglect, then I don't think it is a mothers role to keep the father from seeing the children. I believe that most children are actually very astute and will see things for what they are. They do not need their opinions clouded by other peoples perspectives. At a certain age they will probably make up their own mind that flaky people are just much too hard work and will probably choose to have little to do with them. But it should be their choice.

Sharon - posted on 02/27/2010




Flakes are out.

I'm sorry but it does a child no good to have someone that makes promises and then breaks them. It tells the child adults can't be trusted.

I cannot sit by and watch my children get their feelings hurt. I have a divorced friend who goes through this, her kids are 6 & 7. She calls me crying because they're crying when the dad doesn't show up. The kids act out, get sick from the crying, & strike out at the only person available.

Everyone is in counseling. The kids & her. Trying to find a way to cope with the court ordered visitation.

At what point is he NOT flaky and is just an asshole trying to wreck havoc on his ex and kids? If you presume he's a flake then this is all a side effect of him being a basic ditz.

If you assume he's an asshole doing this all on purpose....? see the difference. Most women would jump at the "asshole" and kick him. But when you blame it on him being careless..... its different. I'm not that generous. Get a dayplanner and keep your promises to your childen.

[deleted account]

WOW! Ladies, I feel terrible for ur situations........ I can't imagine my daughter's father causing that kind of drama!? Sorry and I hope everything works out!

[deleted account]

That totally does suck! I'm sorry. I was quite shocked that the judge didn't even care when my ex told him he wasn't going to pay support. Granted, he 'can't' afford it right now (supposed to pay $1000/month), but he won't even TRY to pay anything. It doesn't 'directly' effect me right now since we're on welfare so it would go to the state, but it's the principal of the thing. You have these 3 kids and you don't care to support them unless they live w/ you when YOU are the one that left THEM. @@

[deleted account]

I don't lie about him. Makes it tough to tell the truth and still be NICE though... I 'think' I'm doing alright on that side. Thankfully I have full physical and legal custody.... the ONE court date that he didn't show up to is when I asked for temporary custody, so got it no problem. Of course, the very next court date (after seeing the kids ONCE in almost a year) he asked for full custody. @@ I know he wants them in HIS life, but he doesn't seem to want to be a part of THEIR lives which IMO is way more important and better for the kids..... Especially since he's the one that moved away from where they've always been.

Shelby - posted on 02/27/2010




It absolutely SUCKS. There are SOOO many problems in the Juvenile Domestic Court System, It is pathetic. You just have to learn to play the game...Thats why I said I got burnt both ways.

My 14 year old, His dad and me split when he was a year, He was never around...at the request of his new girlfriend...child support WHEN he worked, no b'day presents, no christmas, no help with school, barely saw him for 12 years. I always lied for him so I could be the good girl in court. Bit me in the ass a year and a half ago when daddy called and gave him the opportunity to live with no rules, spend nights with his girlfriend, etc....Now he won't speak to me. But I never gave HIM the chance to "know" what kind of man his dad is. I lied for his dad.

With that said..I don't recommend going that far, BUT custody...visitation, VERY tricky.

Now, Hes suing "ME" for child support...He still owes the state money from the past 13 years, My husband carried insurance on my son even though our court order said his dad was supposed to provide it...When he DID pay support it was 30$ a week...

I have court ordered visitation but can't get it enforced because he is over the age of 12, and when I ask him why he won't come see me....His response "Dads lawyer says that I don't have to, I have a life and you can't force me to do anything"

So even though I don't have to be treated like a mother, I'm still FORCED to provide child support, AND I'm disabled and can't work, so actually my husband has to pay child support.

[deleted account]

I do think that support and visitation should have some type of connection though. It's one thing if he can't afford to pay full support, but to pay nothing, not give bday or Christmas presents (I'm talking even a $5 gift card or a $1 Matchbox car), and flat out tell the judge you have no intention of ever paying child support and then to receive MORE visitations is flat out insane.... and I just went through that in court a few weeks ago. I have never denied my ex access to the kids, but I want him to come to them since I have serious concerns about where he lives and the woman he lives w/.... Unfortunately the judge doesn't care and I just have to hope and pray for the well being of my kids. I KNOW there are problems, but since I can't PROVE anything.... I'm out of luck and it SUCKS!!!!

[deleted account]

P.S. I just read my previous comment back to myself and from my wording you all must be assuming that her father is a ' flake '?......that's not the case! Someone just ask me for my advice in another community and it got me thinking? I couldn't give her a straight, decisive answer.......I keep goin back and forth!

[deleted account]

Thanks ladies!

Jenny: I think you said it best for me......NO DAD IS BETTER THAN A ' FLAKY ' DAD BUT ( and that's a big but...) IT'S NOT MY CALL TO MAKE! I don't think I could ever deny her father the opportunity to spend time with her unless it was gonna put her in harms way! But..... then that makes me think about him droppin in out of her life etc......isn't that ultimately putting her in harms way? Do I really leave it up to the courts or someone else to decide what's best for my child? Ohhh, I'm soo confused!

Carolee - posted on 02/27/2010




In my experience, a lot of "flaky" dads will end up not being there at all in the end anyways. Evidently, being "flaky" is still to hard for many of them. I'm glad I know who my dad is, but I hate knowing that my mother had to basically force him to have anything to do with my sister and me. It's pretty much a 50/50 shot in my book. My son's dad flaked out completely before my son's second birthday, and now I have a wonderful husband who's a wonderful father to him.

It also depends on how the child/ren deal with the "flakiness" of the father. If they cannot adjust to it, it's better for all involved for the father to not be there at all. If the child/ren CAN deal with it, let the flake stay as long as he wants before the winds change.

Rosie - posted on 02/27/2010




i had this issue with my ex, and i didn't feel it was my right to say to him that he couldn't have access to his child, especially since he wasn't even around him enough to prove to me that he was an unfit parent. luckily after seeing him about 4 times in 2 years, he apparantly decided that he wanted nothing to do with him, so i havn't had to worry about him since (and Grant is 10). all i had to worry about was child support, which he never paid. i feel it's better to have no dad present, than a flaky dad, definitely, but i refused to say that he couldn't see his kid.

i've kindof heard this argument about dad's not paying child support and whether or not they should be allowed to see their kids. i find that ridiculous, a man can be loving and a wonderful father even if he doesn't. obviously from experience i feel he should most definitely take responsibility to take care of his child, no question, but i'd rather have love than money anyday.

Jenny - posted on 02/27/2010




I think a mother is overstepping her bounderies by denying children their father because he is not up to her standards. The only acceptable reasons for me for denying access are abuse or neglect. I think no dad at all IS better than flaky dad but I don't think that's the mother's call to make.

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