Am I being selfish??!

Amanda - posted on 11/26/2010 ( 14 moms have responded )




Hey I'm 24 and have 4 children! They all 4 see their fathers on a regular basis and I receive child support for each of them as well. My fiance and I have a little bit of extra money left over each month, but it usually doesn't last long after bills are paid because the kids usually need something! So they all 4 have new winter coats, hats and scraves. My fiance has his winter coat his mom bought him last year. Me on the other hand, I don't have a coat. I have 2 jackets that I've been wearing and scarves as well, but living in Iowa the temps get pretty dang cold and winter is quickly approaching!! I asked my mom to buy me a winter coat and told her and my step dad I didn't have one. They told me I was being selfish for not wanting something that would benefit my kids!!!!!!!!!! I asked my dad and told him why I didn't have, and that's because we don't really have 75$ to buy me one, and he said that I must be crazy because he's not spending a dime more than 50$ on me for Christmas and I told him that's fine I'll find one for that price and he said we'll see. I just want to know how the hell am I being selfish when I make sure the kids have what they need before I do?! And a coat is kind of a big deal since if I were to get sick, I'd miss work. Which in return is income!! My fiance keeps telling me to pick out one and get it, but I can't seem to do it because I'm afraid we'll end up needing the money for the kids! So am I wrong for wanting a coat?


[deleted account]

There is a HUGE difference between a NEED and a WANT. Sure, you may WANT a plush & pricey winter coat, but the bottom line is that you NEED a basic warm coat that will serve the purpose. Go and treat yourself today with all of the fabulous sales out there to something warm and basic! Shop thrifty if you need to. No need for a name brand coat. Good luck to you.

[deleted account]

Of course, now that I've fully read that other post.... if you don't really NEED those jeans, you could return them and use that money towards a coat. ;)

Barb - posted on 11/26/2010




I agree with Sara, it is a need. Only you know what a bind you will put on your family by the amount you spend. You can find wonderful deals this time of year with some online snooping Kohls is generally my favorite. If your fiance, your partner in finances tells you to get it, go get it.

[deleted account]

A coat would fall into the "needs" category. Try second hand shops or ebay if you can't afford a brand new one. Maybe attempt to cut back on groceries (make sure the kids are still well-fed, just cut out on unnecessary foods) or eating out or other "wants" and save for the coat.


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Meghan - posted on 11/29/2010




pffft you don't need a coat, just buy a whole bunch of those thermopacks and put them in your shoes and under your armpits!
(totally just kidding, buy yourself a damn coat and don't worry what everyone else says)

Alison - posted on 11/29/2010




You need to learn a lesson from this: Don't always leave mom for last. Your family is obviously more keen on helping out with the kids than helping you out. If your fiancé is saying you should buy a coat, I think you should probably buy a coat. Your family has no obligation to help you out. And truthfully, they probably know better than any of us how responsible you are with your money.

Lacye - posted on 11/27/2010




Hell no you are not being selfish! Your kids need you to be healthy and you need a coat to keep yourself healthy!

Ashley - posted on 11/27/2010




Your not being selfish..I am 24 as well with 4 kids and they do not get support from their father but my fiance supports all 4 of them and only 1 is his..he tells me to get a coat too but i dont because money is tight and the kids may need something as well but that is not selfish..

Laura - posted on 11/26/2010




A proper winter coat is a NEED, not a want: You NEED a coat! Hypothermia can kill a person and a good winter coat can prevent that from happening. Family "needs" include those for moms! Check store sales or second-hand shops, but get yourself a winter coat, you need one!

Isobel - posted on 11/26/2010




That might be the first time I've ever answered a thread with this title with a no, by the way ;)

Isobel - posted on 11/26/2010




That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. Tell them a mother that is not suffering from hypothermia is good for your kids.

Leah - posted on 11/26/2010




Oh dear lord! Of course your not being selfish. It's a winter coat and it will keep you warm. There is something I want that will certainly benefit as well and people are calling me selfish. Oh well. If they won't buy one for you,just see if you can save up here or there. Maybe since you have 2 coats they see it as being selfish but I highly doubt either of those coats keep you warm as winter can get pretty darn cold.

That's what I ask myself,how the hell am I being selfish when I make sure my child has everything he needs before I even think of getting something,even a necessity. His needs ALWAYS come before my own. It certainly is NOT selfish,you need to stay warm too so you go right ahead and buy it. Don't bother listening to others who say it's selfish. That's absurd.

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