[deleted account] ( 64 moms have responded )
Anonymous:
We are having some intimacy issues and they are mostly I (age 31) no longer feel sexy after having his 2 kids and never losing the baby weight. Some depression and have always had low self esteem. Today I find out by accident that he(age 38) is sexting some 24 year old little girl he met through a friend. He left his facebook logged in and when I went to his computer to help our 4 year old play a learning game I find a message from her that she was thinking of him while showering and would love to see him soon. I immediately called him and asked WTF is going on?!?!? He says they have traded sex stories and that is it and I have to believe that because he goes to work and comes home, never works later than normal either. But come on just because we are having some problems. Who the F*** does she think she is sexting my husband.
He is coming home early from work to talk but I am beyond pissed off. I want to find this little girl and rip her hair out! He is in for a "fun" evening if he doesn't back off this thing with her then I will pack up my kids and leave so he can go play with the little skank.
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Jane - posted on 01/18/2011
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I don't think I can answer you honestly on this without pissing you off but I'm gonna try. Is what he's doing cheating? Yes, I think it is. Now, for the part you might get pissed at. Men need sex. You not feeling sexy is not his issue...it's yours and you need to deal with that otherwise you're going to continue to have problems. Do not blame "HER". She didn't do anything except respond to him. He's the one you're married to and he's the one who is 100% responsible for the situation. Blaming her or being pissed at her or wanting to rip her hair out is childish. Place the blame where it belongs.
I honestly think you two need to go to counseling. If you are not having sex, that's an issue that needs to be dealt with. If he's straying, that's an issue that needs to be dealt with. You're anger needs to be redirected into fixing the problems at hand and honestly, I don't think you're going to fix this on your own or together without help. I'm sorry if you're mad but I feel as though I needed to be honest.
Krista - posted on 08/10/2010
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I agree with Joanne. Not only is this cheating, but you're directing your anger mostly towards her, not him. She doesn't owe you squat -- but HE took vows to be faithful to you.
My rule of thumb with fidelity is this: if it's not something you'd feel comfortable doing in front of your spouse, then you shouldn't be doing it. And there's a big difference between social flirting (an older male acquaintance at a party saying something like "Well, aren't YOU looking lovely this evening, Krista! Krista's hubby, you'd better keep your eye on this one, or someone's going to try to steal her away!") and completely inappropriate communication (anything involving showering usually fits the bill...). Flirting is just paying attention to the other person and saying things in order to make them feel good about themselves, and is often non-sexual in nature.
Flirting is fine. Seduction is not.
[deleted account]
Everyone has a different sex drive, what is important ladies is that yours and your hubby's/ partners match not how many times a month you have sex, so some would be happy everyday and others only need once a month, regardless it doesn't make anyones relationship any less stable as long as both parties are happy with the situation!
LaCi - posted on 09/30/2010
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"a message from her that she was thinking of him while showering and would love to see him soon."
That's no longer just an issue of sexting. That is a woman planning on hooking up with your husband, and if it were mine I would assume they had either already done so, or had planned to do so.
Joanne - posted on 08/10/2010
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Sorry Love but you seem to placing all the blame on the other woman rather than on your husband. Yes sexting is cheating! How do u know she evens knows hes married or what lies he has told her? I would be placing most of the blame on him. He has continued engaging with this woman in an inappropriate way knowing he is married. I agree with some of the other ladies that it sounds like they have already met in person. Whether it be emotinal or a sexual relationship your husband has disrespected your marriage. Just because you are having problems in your marriage does not give him the right to go outside of it. If he has issues he needs to talk to you, thats what a marriage is all about...communicating. I would talk to him to see what the story is but personally I would kick him to the curb!