Co-Bathing...

[deleted account] ( 47 moms have responded )

How old is to old for children of the opposite sex to be bathing together...AND...do you think it inappropriate for moms and daughters to shower or fathers and sons to grad a quick shower together, if not how old is to old for that?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Jodi - posted on 02/09/2010

3,562

36

3907

I still have a shower with my daugter occasionally, and she is just going on 5. She still sometimes strips off and hops in the shower with her dad too. It's not a big deal here. More often than not, she asks to have a bath, but just occasionally she likes to shower with us :) I strongly suspect she will stop over the next 12 months, but it really doesn't bother us at all.

Heather - posted on 02/11/2010

525

20

18

Ok, I dont get why some of you ladies are making Christina explain her OPINION over and over again...what's not to understand? She dosent feel comfortable co- bathing with her child. I read the whole thread over again and she never said that she didn't trust her husband, as some of you are alluding to...I think she made a GENERAL statement that there may be fathers out there who could use bath time to abuse a child...which is not impossible. I think she has made it clear that she does not think her husband is a pedophile...they are just not comfortable with co-bathing. Understandably so, given her circumstances...she was just answering the question at hand.

Jen - posted on 02/10/2010

45

44

1

I have baths with my 6 month old when i am pressed for time~I don't see a problem with it..He doesn't understand anyways..I won't do it for much longer..maybe a couple more months..

[deleted account]

My oldest are 11 and 9 both boys they bathe separately but neither mind sharing a bath with their younger 3 year old brother.

This conversation has been closed to further comments

47 Comments

View replies by

Amy - posted on 02/12/2010

4,793

17

376

when daddy is working 12+ hours a day, sometimes it was the only option with my daughter. My son was too young to sit up in the tub - or do it safely anyway - and we all had to be clean. when he took his nap, daughter and i jumped in. Son will sometimes get handed to daddy in the shower. Both my kids were under 3 though when he worked those hours. I agree with what someone else said. When they start asking questions..it's pretty much over. My sister and i had to shower/bathe together because that's all the hot water there was and we did that until we were about 9. lol. but we wanted to just be warm! my kids are opposite genders so as soon as my daughter's like..what's that thing? i think it'll be time to stop. haven't crossed that bridge yet. maybe i'll keep adding bubbles so she doesn't see anything and get curious. :) they LOVE bathing together right now [3 and 10 months]

Chelle - posted on 02/11/2010

768

44

77

i know im a bit late to this convo but i will just say that my feelings on this are simple.

if the kids happy with it and is too young to want or care to ask questions (about body bits) its fine. for me this was about age 4 (so ive been told by my mother) when i asked her why she was wearing furry underwear!! its best to stop the baths when questions like these come up lol.



my sisters partner would bath with his daughter until she was about 2. at this age she was wanting to know why daddy had different bits to her. so at that age the farther/daughter baths stopped. shes 3 now and still will bath with her mum just fine....and why not i say :) if both mother and child are happy then let them do it.



my 9 month old daughter dosnt bath with me. simply because my bathroom is cold so i bath her in her bedroom in a kiddy tub. but when the weather starts warming up she will come in the bath with me.



me and my sister shared a bath with eachother unill we was about 4 and 6. kids dont see being in the bath with someone as rude or anything. if its two kids in the tub together then its just someone else to play with the bubbles and toys.

C. - posted on 02/11/2010

4,125

35

242

I will only say one more thing, well a couple more, and then I am done.

1. Thank you Heather.
2. Yes, Jodi, I should have clarified better, but given my past and my disability where I wasn't able to bathe my son, I was just giving another perspective. Just b/c I wasn't able to bathe my son and my husband wasn't always there to do it, leaving someone else to bathe him, doesn't mean that I shouldn't be able to post on this thread. Yes, this is about parents co-bathing with their children, but is it wrong to want to give another point of view on things? Is it wrong to want to explain that b/c of my disability and me having been molested at a young age, my take on the subject? No, it isn't. And quite frankly I found it a little off-putting that people were starting to twist my words around, hence why the conversation was going nowhere. No matter what I said people seemed to have something to throw in there, making it sound like I don't trust my husband or myself. If I didn't trust myself, I wouldn't have kept my child, I would have given him up for adoption. And if I didn't trust my husband, I would not have married him.

But, that's my last post. I am tired of trying to explain my side of things. You don't have a disability and can bathe your child yourself, that's fine and I'm happy for you. That's not my case, and I just wanted to say that b/c of us (the parents) not being able to bathe our son (well, I couldn't and at times when my husband was away before my son would sit still for me, he obviously couldn't) other people had to step in to be the "parent" during bath time. But enough of this.

[deleted account]

It's no biggie in our house. If one person doesn't feel comfortable bathing with another then they don't have to. If all parties are ok with it then thats fine too.

Lady - posted on 02/11/2010

2,136

73

221

My first son and daughter bathed together until he was 7 and she was 5 then my third child was born and she went in with them. They all loved it and had such fun for a while. Then I thought my oldest was probably too old to be in with his two sisters so he went in once they were finnished. As for showering with a parent I think about school age is really the limit on opposite sexed parent but with same sexed parent I can't see a reason to put any limit on it - as long as the child is happy - as was said earlier men and women shower together after sport so really there's no difference.

Jodi - posted on 02/11/2010

3,562

36

3907

Christina, thank you. I just saw it going around in circles, and didn't understand because of the wording. The thread was about co-bathing with your own children, and you were saying no because of the potential for abuse, I think, perhaps, it all got caught in the translation.

Heather, in answer to your post ^^^ - it is called clarification.

C. - posted on 02/11/2010

4,125

35

242

I should have worded that better.. Let me rephrase. I wouldn't allow ANYONE (other than my husband- or myself if it was physically possible) to get in the bath with my son. As for me, I couldn't even if I wanted to. Does that make everything more clear? I am bowing out gracefully. I should have never even posted on this thread..

Jodi - posted on 02/10/2010

3,562

36

3907

So Christina, are you also saying you would never bathe with your son, and you would not allow your husband to bathe with your son because of the reasons you have given?

Seriously, this is very confusing. Amie is trying to make the point that your argument about paedophilia is irrelevant because this is a discussion about PARENTS bathing with their children, and you are talking about other people bathing your son, and that's why you object. Fair enough. But now you are saying you wouldn't allow ANYONE (and you have mentioned your husband in that same paragraph) to do so, because of these same concerns?

C. - posted on 02/10/2010

4,125

35

242

Amie, you seem to be missing MY point. In MY case, other people have had to give my son baths and that's probably how it's going to be with any other children I have. In case you haven't noticed, my situation is a little different than most and it wasn't only my husband giving my son a bath, but also my MIL, until I was finally able to do it myself. So again I say, I wouldn't allow ANYONE to get in the bath with my son. Not saying they would, but they know how I feel about it and respect my concerns as a parent and they don't question me about it.

Charlie - posted on 02/10/2010

11,203

111

409

I have always showered with my son so has his daddy for a couple of reasons.

* saves time and water
*it is an incredibly wonderful time of fun , laughs and a beautiful bonding experience .

Our Midwife and OBGYN told us bare skin to skin contact with your infant is the best way to bond not only with breastfeeding but also showering which is important for fathers who miss out on the skin to skin bonding in breastfeeding .

AnnMarie - posted on 02/10/2010

5

20

1

school age is a good age. as far as kids showering w/mom or dad - to me that is the way to teach them how to shower properly, rinse & clean everything the right way & learn about bodies. I don't think my daughter would ever shower with daddy - nor would he let her shower with him. But daughters w/mommy & boys w/daddy - that is how we learn things.

Stephanie - posted on 02/10/2010

501

44

30

I think once they start asking questions...like mommy what is that pointing to your privates they are too old. My daughter is 13 months and both my hubby and I bathe and shower with her.

I think it is perfectly fine.

Amy - posted on 02/10/2010

1,761

18

250

I think showing/bathing with a parent of the opposite sex is out of the question after 3 years old. Kids bathing together, school age is the time to stop it.

If there wearing swim suits and playing in the bath tub together I think it's fine.

For me, part of it is I just feel uncomfortable with it, my son is almost 2 and I'm starting to feel weird when I'm changing in front of him.

Lindsay - posted on 02/10/2010

3,532

26

267

Well I guess we are fortunate that niether my partner or I are child preditors so this isn't really and issue in our household. We have a daughter (5) and a son (3) and while they don't always bathe together, if they need to it's not a big deal. They have both showered with one or the other of us and so sometimes take baths together. When they say they'd prefer to bathe or shower alone, they will/do.

Amie - posted on 02/10/2010

6,596

20

412

Christina you seem to be missing the point. It is not about other people bathing with our children. This thread is about parents bathing with them.

My relative was molested by her FATHER. Parents (and close relatives) have ample opportunity to do something like this behind the scenes IF they are given the chance to and parents don't pay attention to the signs their kids put forth. Even toddlers can tell you what's up if you pay attention.

C. - posted on 02/10/2010

4,125

35

242

I'm saying, Amie, that if there is nobody in the house or around b/c they do not think that anything would happen, then a child can be touched inappropriately. Take it from someone that was molested BY a family member IN our bathroom b/c my parents thought they could trust them b/c all that person wanted to do was "clean me up". I have since forgiven my molester, but that doesn't mean I will let anyone in the bath alone with my child.

Amie - posted on 02/10/2010

6,596

20

412

Christina I never said it has everything to do with co-bathing. I realize you never said it either. What you did say was it is a good excuse for a closet pedophile.

As I already stated Pedophiles wait to be alone with the child, they do everything they can to discredit a child (when they are old enough to speak out). Bath time or co-bathing is only an issue when there is no one else around. These sick creeps will not chance having someone walk in if there's someone at home. IF they do do it this way I can guarantee the door is locked. It's about common sense.

I know the warning signs because of my relative and more than one friend. I know exactly how those twisted people work. Your argument though that co-bathing is a perfect opportunity holds little water. While pedophiles may enjoy (EWW) bathing or co-bathing with their children they will not chance someone finding them out by doing something so vile in such a "public" manner.

C. - posted on 02/10/2010

4,125

35

242

@Cathy.. Yes it used to be extremely difficult to bathe my son. The few times I tried while my husband was away and no one was was around (we were in Hawaii at the time) I tried to bathe my son and he slipped and his face went into the water, so from then on I just gave him a sponge bath until my husband came back home. Thankfully he doesn't have a problem with sitting still anymore.



@Amie.. Yes it does. Would you wonder if the father of your child got in the bath with them? Probably not, therefore you probably wouldn't feel the need to sit there and babysit while the bath was taking place. My case in point, nobody would be able to say otherwise if they weren't there to witness it.. And if the child is so young that they cannot talk or if the person threatened the child so bad that they were absolutely horrified, how would anyone else know? As an adult who was molested as a child, I just don't feel comfortable with someone getting in the bath with my son (see above post for clarification, please). I never said that bath time had EVERYTHING to do with a child being touched inappropriately, but there are some instances where it has SOMETHING to do with it. There should be nothing wrong with someone that doesn't want to take a chance with their child.

Amie - posted on 02/10/2010

6,596

20

412

Amie, yes I know that creepy people will do something to a child whether or not they are in the bath together. However, if there is a closet pedophile, the co-bathing would be an excuse, don't you think? A naked child in the bath with them.. Who would know? As far as anyone else would be concerned, the parent could have just been washing the child. Who else would have been in there with them to say otherwise?


Ok still isn't a clear answer. One of my older relatives was abused until she was 12 by her father. Bath time was never an issue. He would wait until no one was around. Pedophiles take every step they can to hide it and discredit the child in question. My relative did speak out but no one believed her until later. They just could not see him doing that, especially to his daughter. Your reasoning does not make any sense at all.

Rose - posted on 02/10/2010

323

48

20

I think when they child gets curious. Like my nephew that is 3 if he see me and my sister changing our daughters he will sit their and just stair hard core. I take a shower with my 23 mon. daughter sometimes that is the only way i can shower and she loves it. I don't see a problem with it. I will probably shower with my son when he is born until he gets curious or i become uncomfortable. My husband how ever he don't take showers with my daughter he really don't even get naked in front of her. He very rarely gives her baths unless i really need him to. I have just had bad experience with men in my past and my husband would never do anything but he understands and respect that.

Christine - posted on 02/10/2010

32

15

4

My daughter has been sharing the shower with me for a long time and at 5 every now and again she will jump in with me, her dad and even her 15yr old sister. The boys 4 & 2 have showered with dad and the 4yr old with me only a couple times. No issue with him other than the fact he prefers the bath or just getting in the shower after I get out. I really think they make the decision on their own and 6ish seems to be the time. But if I noticed a touching curiosity, I would put a stop to co-ed bathing and elaborate on the whole don't touch whats not yours talk.

C. - posted on 02/10/2010

4,125

35

242

No, it does not mean that I can't trust myself or my husband. I have Erb's Palsy in my left arm, so for the majority of my son's life, someone else has had to bathe my son since I couldn't do it and my husband wasn't always there to do it himself. At times, my MIL would bathe my son when he went over to her house b/c she knew that I couldn't hold him still well enough by myself. And no, I wasn't always at her house with my son. It's probably going to be the same way for any additional children that we have (having someone either bathe or help to bathe my children), that's just how life is for me b/c of my disability.

Jodi - posted on 02/10/2010

3,562

36

3907

Yeah, that was kind of bothering me too Cathy......does this mean Christina can't trust herself or her husband? I find that, in itself, to be bothersome. I have no problem, Christina, with the fact that you believe that parents shouldn't shower or bathe with their children, that's your opinion. I am just really concerned about the reasons behind your opinion.

C. - posted on 02/10/2010

4,125

35

242

Erin, I didn't put a "restriction" on co-bathing. That's just what I feel to be the best age to stop.. Meaning, that's MY opinion. It doesn't mean that it's a rule that anyone has to follow. I already said that my husband and I have never bathed WITH our son, so to me that's just weird. Maybe if it ever came to a point where we HAD to, then maybe I would see it differently.



Amie, yes I know that creepy people will do something to a child whether or not they are in the bath together. However, if there is a closet pedophile, the co-bathing would be an excuse, don't you think? A naked child in the bath with them.. Who would know? As far as anyone else would be concerned, the parent could have just been washing the child. Who else would have been in there with them to say otherwise?



I was molested when I was 4, so quite honestly I see it as a violation, for lack of a better term. It makes me uneasy to think someone would be bathing with my son and my husband feels the same way about it.

Heather - posted on 02/09/2010

525

20

18

My 10 month old son showers with his daddy pretty frequently...its just easier than giving him a bath everyday...and its also a great time saver when your in a hurry. I have showered with him a few times but I am so afraid that I will drop him.

[deleted account]

I haven't showered w/ my girls since they were 4. Sometimes one of them will get in as I'm getting out though. They are 8 and their brother (22 months) is frequently in the shower or bath w/ them. Every once in a while all 3 are in there at once. I try to avoid that though cuz the flood on the bathroom floor is pretty inevitable in that case....



I don't think there is a set age. Each family is different and has different comfort levels. As long as there is no inappropriate touching, constant staring, or obvious discomfort by anyone involved etc.... I think it's usually not a problem. ;)

Amie - posted on 02/09/2010

6,596

20

412

I've never bathed with my kids but I don't honestly see the big deal. The children will let you know when they don't want to bath/shower with you anymore.

Christina as for your "creepy people" issue. Trust me it's not going to matter if they are bathing together or not. If someone is going to sexually abuse their child it has NOTHING to do with bath/shower time. /:)

Ez - posted on 02/09/2010

6,569

25

237

My one year old daughter showers with me regularly. I do it to save time and for convenience, as I am a single mum and me being in the shower with my one year old running around the house (even a baby-proofed house) is not possible or smart. But even without those reasons, I see absolutely nothing wrong with bathing with my small child, and I imagine the only reason it will stop is when she is old enough to want her own privacy.

Christina I must say I have trouble understanding why you put the "once they are able to sit up on their own" restriction on co-bathing. What difference does that make exactly?

Rosie - posted on 02/09/2010

8,657

30

321

i have 3 boys so them bathing together hasn't been an issue yet. my oldest son is 10 and he stopped bathing with his brothers about age 7. my 5 year old and 2 year old bathe together all the time, and when my 5 year old starts to get embarrassed and asks is when i will no longer put them together. my husband has only bathed with them when they were under age 2, he feels weird about it. i still bathe with my 2 year old sometimes, but wouldn't with my 5 year old. i don't know, i feel each individual child will let you know when it is time.

Minnie - posted on 02/09/2010

7,076

9

788

I think for everyone it's fine until whenever someone says "ewwww gross!"



Until then, it's family, who cares?



I remember taking showers with my mother at five, and I take daily showers with my 16 month old and my nearly four year old. It's always a tear and whine-free time of relaxation.



OK- to be fair and safe, let's make a rule- only non-creeps can shower with their kids :)

Cassie - posted on 02/09/2010

0

0

182

My husband and I both shower with our 15 month old daughter. There is nothing wrong with the naked body and nothing inappropriate going on in the shower. My daughter truly loves taking showers and squeals when she hears it turn on. I'm not sure when we will stop showering with her. I believe we will know when its time to stop.

C. - posted on 02/09/2010

4,125

35

242

Well, Jodi, this is the way I see it. If you are on a time constraint or if you don't have money to pay a huge water bill, then there won't be enough time to A) do anything that could be deemed as inappropriate to a child (I'm not saying everyone that does take baths with their kids WOULD do anything inappropriate, but there are some creeps out there) and B) they probably wouldn't really see anything since you are all being rushed around. Like I said, that's just how I see it.. I'm sure other people have a different view on it.

[deleted account]

I like the school age rule. My brother and I are almost 4 years apart and I remember taking baths with him when we were little. I think I was about 6 when I told my mom I didn't want to anymore. So I guess in both cases your child will probably let you know.

Jodi - posted on 02/09/2010

3,562

36

3907

Ok, so why is it not inappropriate to you if it is to conserve time or water, and yet it is inappropriate at other times? I am just curious how the reason for doing so makes it any more or less appropriate :)

C. - posted on 02/09/2010

4,125

35

242

Unless of course you are doing it to conserve time or water.. Then that may be a different story.

C. - posted on 02/09/2010

4,125

35

242

Personally, I agree with Shavaune. School age should be the limit for children of the opposite sex to bathe together. And the whole adults and kids? My neighbor used to do that w/ her daughter when she was a baby, but once her baby could sit up- she stopped. I have never gotten in the bath with my son and neither has my husband, but I think if you're going to do it, once they are able to sit up on their own should be the oldest age, IMO.

[deleted account]

Bathing together probably about school age - 4 or 5 years old. As for showering together - I personally wouldn't shower with my son when he's old enough to stand but if other people want to do that fair enough. It just seems kinda strange to me...I think I once had a bath with my sister and dad when I was 4 but that's all. I'd say probably the same age.

[deleted account]

Well i would say about school age for the opposite sex. Usually thats when they get modest. As for showering with your parents, the kid will let you know! lol People shower together at the gym or after sports games so whats the difference?

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms