Do I choose my Husband or my Sister???

Anneke - posted on 05/12/2011 ( 28 moms have responded )




Hi. So I need some help. This one is not about the child I gave birth to, but about the kid I married!
My oldest child has his First Communion on Sunday and I have been forced to make a choice. My husband hates my sister, and she has been invited to be a part of the day. He will not go to the church if she's there. My mom said that if my sister is not welcome at my home, then she will do an after thing at her home, which my husband will not attend. I am stuck here. It has taken my sister a while to start trying to be a part of our lives, and this is a big day for my son. I just want to give up. I am so tired of being forced to choose. Any advice would be awesome!!!
Thank you in advance!


Alecia - posted on 05/13/2011




i have kind of a similar situation going in-laws dislike me and therefore my parents dislike them for treating me shitty. my daughter's birthday isnt till september, but we've dicussed what we r gonna do and my mom wants seperate parties. i said daughter is only going to be 2 and EVERYONE can put on their big girl panties and go to her birthday. and if anyone doesnt want to show up, thats too bad for them, and they will not celebrate her birthday on their own. if i can invite the in-laws over and be ok for a couple hours, then so can others. its so sad ppl have to act like that...

Allie - posted on 05/12/2011




You shouldn't have to choice. Your husband and sister need to put their differences aside and do what is best for your son. It is HIS day. Not theirs.
Will one or the other not attend his high school/ college graduations? What about when he gets married? Will one choose not to come?
Its just silly, they both need some big boy/girl pants and do whats best for the child.

Sherri - posted on 05/25/2011




So Anneke since the day has already come and gone what ended up being the outcome??

Barb - posted on 05/13/2011




You sometimes have to make concessions for family. Perhaps reminding him of some concessions you have made in behalf for his family will help him to realize he needs to suck it up too.

Cynthia - posted on 05/24/2011




Tell them all "So you will not put aside your differences for the sake of the child we all love?" then perhaps just all of you should stay home and only those who truly love and what to support my childs faith journey should be there. I'll leave it up to you all. Me and my Children will be at the church celebrating our eldest special day and if none of you are there that is YOUR loss.

Then carry on as if none of them were coming. Because really who has time to put up with childish behaviour from childish adults. Show YOUR children a better example. and let THE supposed adults explain themselves to your child.

This conversation has been closed to further comments


View replies by

[deleted account]

Your husband and sister need to stop acting like children. The fact that he would miss something so important in your childs life, all because your sister is there speaks volumes about his character.

Kelina - posted on 08/11/2011




Tell your husband that if he won't go because your sister is there then he needs to explain to his son why he won't be there. Your sister is making an effort and your husband is being a big baby. I don't like my hubby's family, especially my SIL now that she has a baby and looks at me like i'm defective for my parenting skills and the fact that i need to nap during the day sometimes, but i go and I'm civil. He needs to grow a pair.

Jasmine - posted on 08/11/2011




I think your husband is being selfish here though I do not know the circumstances behind his hatred of your sister. However, this is a big day for your child and a parent should be able to put their animosities aside for one day and celebrate this milestone in their child's spiritual life. Your child shouldn't suffer because of this.

Rachelle - posted on 08/07/2011




If it were me I would tell them that if they both dont come then there both not allowed to be there.You7r not the only one stuck in it your son is too.If you tell them that then maybe they will be adults and put there differances aside for one day.

Emma - posted on 08/07/2011




I have to ask why dose your hubby hate your sister.
Dose he have good reason ?
I refused for many years to allow my sister in law in to our house and she was not aloud near our kids.
We after 5 years have reached the stage that i am willing to compromise on this but only with strict boundaries.
I have a very good reason for my feelings and im thankful that my husband chose to respect my feelings.

Cynthia - posted on 05/29/2011




I pray everything went fine for you n ur son on that special day.....if ever have to question anything when it comes to your kids....Unselfishness....Kids ALWAYS come 1st...b4 hubby..b4 them...but ur shaping UR kids lives not theirs....

JuLeah - posted on 05/25/2011




The focus is your child. If your husband is a man, if he is a father, is he is even human, he will also understand the child is the top priority and the adults need to set aside their fussing and stand up for him.
So, arrange the day, show up for your kid. Make it clear that all family is welcome, and for the child, all family ought to show up .... then let go of the outcome. Your husband will be a man or he won't. You have no control over that. The damage he does to his relationship with his son is also something you have no control over.
Refuse to choose

Kimberly - posted on 05/24/2011




i would have to go with the sister. but i am all for standing up for my siblings. nothing comes between me and my sister on anything.

Mary Renee - posted on 05/21/2011




Have your sister there and then see what your husband actually ends up doing. You might find that he's bluffing to try to get out of having to be around your sister, and then when you show him that you're not falling for it and he needs to accept your family just like you accept his family - he might end up coming around and attending the First Communion service anyway.

If not, it's his loss. That said, my daughter's father has not attended service with me ever. When my favorite grandmother died and I couldn't attend the funeral because I couldn't afford the plan ticket or time off from work, he wouldn't even attend church with me to pray for her. He made me go by myself. He also didn't go to church with me for our daughter's first Easter Sunday or Christmas Service or anything. When she looks back on the photographs, he's the one that's going to look stupid.

April - posted on 05/19/2011




if he hates your sister so much that he won't go to the communion if she is there, then he must hate your sister more than he loves your son. is he really being serious about not showing up or is it a ploy to stop you from inviting your sister? if he is going to play those kind of games, then i'd choose your sister. if they are both playing games, i wouldn't allow either one to attend. if you think one or the other is going to start drama if they both attend, then i think you owe it to your son to tell them both that they cannot come.

Jody - posted on 05/19/2011




I think you should get the two of them in the same room using whatever trick you can, and then tell them both together , that this is enough and that you will not choose between the two o fthem and the fact that they are putting you in that situation is sickening! If they can't grow up and accept that they are both a part of the child life, then you do not want either of them to be there!! But you WILL NOT CHOOSE!!! good luck

[deleted account]

What is the reason for hating your sister? I mean, is it irrational, just a personality clash, or is like your sister a former drug addict who stole money from him? You get my drift...

Christina - posted on 05/16/2011




I would tell everyone that you are inviting EVERYONE you love and who loves your son, and if they are too immature and childish to attend, then it is their loss, not yours. If your husband wants to act like a 2yr old then oh well. His loss.

[deleted account]

Well, I think it's much more important for the father to attend any function than the aunt, but you shouldn't have to choose between them.

Sherri - posted on 05/15/2011




I would tell them both you are going to attend your childs first communion and don't care what either of them do. You can not choose and they are being selfish because it isn't about them but the child. So plan on going and let them simply grow up and make the decision for themselves.

Kellie - posted on 05/13/2011




Good for you Alecia! and LOL @ everyone can put on their big girl panties!!! I'll have to remember that so I can steal it and use it sometime :D

Jane - posted on 05/12/2011




I agree with everyone who says the husband needs to grow up. He needs to go for his son and his wife. He can ignore the sister, stay away from her, or whatever, but he needs to be there.

Cynthia - posted on 05/12/2011




my husband hates my sister too and most of my family but he wouldn't do this tho me or my son. he just need to man up and take the hit for you and your son. its not like he has to make out with your sister or even talk to her. he has to be there for your son, its a big deal how can he miss it over something so petty... tell him he is going and thats that.. good luck.

Constance - posted on 05/12/2011




I'm sorry but if it was me I probally smack my husband up the side of his head with my wooden rolling pin. My husband isn't fond of my sister either but he would never be childest about something like this. This is about you son it is a big day in his life. What is he going to do when you son can do the invite himself. Not go to his graduation, his wedding. All because he doesn't like your sister. He needs to grow up and be an adult. He can be on one side of the oom and he on the other. They don't have to interact just be present.

[deleted account]

I agree w/ Lacye. Tell him to suck it up. If he refuses to go to something for HIS SON because of your sister.... You've got a lot more problems than just this Communion in your future. If YOU like your sister..... he needs to just suck it up and suffer through. It's not like he has to TALK to her or anything if he doesn't want to.

Lacye - posted on 05/12/2011




Ok. My advice is that you need to tell your husband to suck it up. This day is not about him but it's about your son. Your sister has every right to be there just as he does. This is one of those times that people need to put aside their differences and do what is best for the kids.

Kellie - posted on 05/12/2011




don't have either there, neither of them deserve to be there with childish and selfish attitudes like that. I get that not everyone likes everyone, and often with excellent reasons, but it's not like they'd have to sit the others lap.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms