Family

Carrie - posted on 02/13/2010 ( 6 moms have responded )

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Hi.What would you do?Okay 2008 police asked me to take in my niece.And at the time I did,She was 16 and a half.Her father took off and her mother is a nut bar by my books were nowhere to be found and I enjoyed being an aunt..Then three and a half months later my mom died,so niecey stayed on and life turned in to hell,I got her a cell for Christmas and she snapped it in half a few months later,Then I set up a sleep over for her and her friends and that was messed up too(she went to pick her friend up and didn't come back)Oh yes that's when the cell was snapped,when I phoned her and told her to come home she threw a temper tantrum and broke it,Well after that I switched schools on her,Right across the street from me lol.Then this year I found out she's been lying to her school saying that I don't feed her and that she doesn't eat,etc...She skips and just basically didn't go,she got called into the office and they were going to kick her out but then she turned a round a said she's going to kill her self.Well anyway a few months ago her Dad returned,He should have taken he then,But she didn't he was all but I only rent a room,so she stayed.Recently she turned eighteen and she pulled one to many fits trying to get her way(she slammed our door at two in the morning in my neighbors face)Then had the nerve to say my neighbor was lying.Well I gave her two months notice to move and all hell broke loose,She went to her Dads(my brother)and now he's threatened me and has called me names,etc...All because he's now stuck with her in a one bedroom,But she's the one that lied to him as well telling him that I kicked her out right then and there,Ooh.Well mom's with sibs got some advice on that one,did I do the right thing or not.

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Carrie - posted on 02/18/2010

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Thank you,Just as I felt when I gave her two month's to move.Although I must admit to one cruelty on my part,out of frustration and anger I sort of said that my mom's death was there fault,Ooops my bad because even if it were true with in some small way it is,I didn't need to rub it in.They couldn't have seen future event's from trying to bring my nieces mother back into her life,But I do wish my brother had learned his lessen before from having this women in his life and from what she did to our family,He went to jail under false pretenses.Ahhh don't the what ifs bug you?You guys are right I have to put my children first,But with out neglecting my needs as well.And I don't think I have to worry about prayer,I got my whole church too.

Heather - posted on 02/15/2010

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She should not be your responsibility anymore if her father is around...I dont think that an 18 year old is remotely responsible enough to make it on her own, and do well, but that is her parents problem,,, not yours

[deleted account]

At 18 its time she grew up and sorted her own life out. Shes not your responsibilty but i can understand how you feel i have a brother the same age. Our mother died when he was six and my father died last april leaving him orphaned he moved in with my sister but recently she had to go into hospital with her daughter and was stuck there far from home for many weeks. She left my brother and niece at home believing them responsible enough to look after themselve. My brother went a bit wild and my brother in law had to phone me and ask me to get my brother out of the house because he was causing too much trouble with their neighbours. It was a worrying time and i felt responsible for him but at the end of the day hes old enough to sort his own life out all we can do is try to help but that help cant be given if its at the expense of your own family life your own kids have to come first.

[deleted account]

She's 18. Cut her loose and just pray.



I also agree w/ Sara. If she's willing to make ammends w/ you I would consider taking her back since it sounds like she could really use the help and support, but I wouldn't put up w/ any of her nonsense and I would make sure she understands that.

[deleted account]

She is 18 and not your responsibility anymore. I know you love her but sometimes our loved ones need to hit rock bottom before they can begin to improve their lives. If she ever comes back to apologize or make things right, then take her back with open arms (with an understanding that she will not be taking advantage of you again). The past is the past.

Carolee - posted on 02/13/2010

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You were more patient than I would have been. I would have called the cops on her when she disappeared and had her sent to juvinile detention! I think it's a good thing that you gave her two month's notice. Whether she takes the whole time or not is up to her, and I really suggest you don't have any more to do with them. I know it's hard because they're "family", but dang! There ARE limits to what one person is able to handle. I went about two years without talking to anybody in my family except 3 people... and I have a HUGE family. I haven't talked to about 5 of my cousins in well over a decade! Some people just need to be cut out of your life for your own good and for the good of your family. Don't worry about her lies anymore. You haven't done anything wrong, and as soon as everybody she's in contact with realizes exactly how much she lies, she is going to get very lonely... but that was her own doing. In the future, you all may be able to talk to each other and even visit each other. It's just that that time is definately NOT now. Good luck.

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