Sleep overs?

Bek - posted on 01/29/2010 ( 24 moms have responded )

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What are your views on kid's sleep overs? Would you send your child to a party where there is a sleep over. This topic can be about either mixed gender sleep overs or single gender sleep overs. What age is it appropriate to let your child participate in a group sleep over?

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Ashley - posted on 03/17/2010

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I am ok with mixed sleepovers when kids are in gradeschool as long as tehy are supervised... but eventually it will stop lol. However my b/f bestfriend was a girl and they stayed over at each other's houses regularily but then neither had any sexual feelings for the other one. So I guess it will depend on that one. As for single sex I think it is ok forever. Up till I had my son my friends and I still had slumber parties lol.

Sunny - posted on 03/17/2010

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I love sleepovers! :D As a kid we always had sleepovers and in high school i would crack it if my mum wouldnt let me stay over at friends places because they were boys, too the point where she always gave in. I love the closeness of curling up in bed and talking till you fall asleep with a friend boy or girl. Even now ive been with my partner for over 7 years and i still have sleep overs with me friends guys or girls. (no sex at all i might add) I think it shows my true friendships with my friends and the trust i have with my partner. As for age for my son, whenever he wants, as long as i know where he is and its find with the parents of the home his is staying at.

Belinda - posted on 03/13/2010

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My daughter had her first sleepover with a family friend's girls. It was for their birthday party and knew EVERY child there. She was 5. She has since had a couple here at our new place, on our street, with the people I'm friends with. Mixed gender? Not a chance.

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[deleted account]

We do sleep-overs. We love sleep-overs. But I will only allow my daughter (age 4) to go to a house where I COMPLETELY know the parents. I would only expect the same from other parents. A good friend of mine & I trade weekends & have each others child over. That way we can each get a break. The kids love it.

Rosie - posted on 03/16/2010

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oh yeah! jocelyn brought up a good point even though she was joking. my best friend (a girl) and i would do sexual acts on each other at around age 8-9, sleepover or no sleepover. we're still besties, just no sex involved. :)

Rosie - posted on 03/16/2010

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i had sleepovers all the time when i was younger, and i went to alot of them as well. my oldest sleeps over at his friends house, and his friend sleeps over here. this started at around age 7. i have no problem with sleepovers at all, i don't know about opposite sex sleepovers, my boy doesn't have any friends of the opposite sex, so i can't judge that situation until i see how their relationship is.

Jocelyn - posted on 03/16/2010

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Oh and I forgot to add, my son is 3 years old and has a sleepover at grandpas house every month :) And my niece who is almost 4 has sleepovers at our house all the time.

Jocelyn - posted on 03/16/2010

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I loved sleepovers as a kid! When my hubby is away I still have sleepovers with my girl friends ^_^ Growing up my best friend was a boy, and we always had sleepovers. I don't see the difference between mixed and same sex sleepovers (within reason of course, like once they pass a certain age I would still allow it but they would have to stay in the living room as opposed to a bedroom). If you have a girl and don't allow her to have sleepovers with a boy, you should also make sure she doesn't have any sleepovers with any little girls that show lesbian tenancies lol :P. Anyways, I think around 5 or 6 would be a good/general age to start, but really it all depends on the maturity of the child. I am slightly dreading the day I have to host a sleepover for a group though lmao.

Amy - posted on 03/16/2010

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all my daughter's friends are cousins or boys. she has one female friend who is two years older. So the liklihood of an all girl's sleepover won't happen until she's in school i'm sure. if she wants friends over, that's fine. obviously not letting a group of teenage mixed gender over. my daughter is 3 and has already had a sleepover at grandma's with all the cousins. as far as SENDING my child to a sleepover - age doesn't mean much --knowing the parents or ones in charge does. i would never send my kid to anyone's house unless i trusted them with her life. my son is only a year old. obviously i don't think it's appropriate for him to be at a sleepover. :)

[deleted account]

I'm puzzled as to why so many mums refuse to entertain the concept of mixed sleepovers. In my opinion that could give rise to feeling awkward with the opposite sex.



I personally think that there's no need to emphasise the girl/boy thing. They're just friends. By the time they get to their teens, and the hormones were starting to flow (and I'm only talking about my kids here) we knew their friends of both sexes AND their parents. All the neighbourhood kids were at our place often enough!



So just get to know your kids' friends and their parents. It's part of being in a community. And makes it easier to negotiate guidelines when it comes to alcohol and parents not being at home.

Kerrie - posted on 03/16/2010

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I'm reading all these posts about mixed gender sleepovers being 'forbidden,' for lack of a better word, and I just feel the need to input my opinion. When I was about 14 or 15, my best guy friend was gay, so we all pretty much just thought about him as "one of the girls" and that was how he felt. We would all sit around and talk about boys and as most teenagers do once in a while, but will refuse to admit it, hang out and watch movies that we enjoyed during our childhood, mostly Disney movies. Well, my mom had no problem with me spending whatever time I wanted with him, and since he lived right around the corner from me pretty much, we were together all the time. Until the night that he was having a huge, all girl, sleepover at his house one night. I, being naieve, chose to ask my mom's permission to go while my grandparents were over. My grandfather (which I won't even get into my issues with him) proceeded to tell me in no uncertain terms would I be allowed to sleep over a boys house. I tried explaining to him that Canaan wasn't really a boy, per se, as he was gay. My grandfather refused to budge on his decision, saying that Canaan wasn't old enough to know whether or not he was really gay. (He had come out of the closet about 3 years prior to this) And my mother, having no back bone when it came to her father, told me that she wasn't going to argue with my grandfather and that I couldn't go. So while I understand the reasoning behind not wanting your child to go to mixed gender sleepovers as a general rule, I also think there should be certain times when it should be ok, as in my case. (P.S. Canaan is now 22 years old and madly in love with his boyfriend, and has never had a girlfriend ever, so obviously my grandfather was wrong.)

[deleted account]

The only sleepovers any of my children have done have been at my MIL's house (they are 7,2, and 1). My 7 year-old's best friend is having a sleepover birthday party this year though, so that will be her first one. I think 7 or 8 is a good age for sleepovers like that. I was about that age for my first "real" sleepover (I had had sleepovers at my across the street nieghbor's house before then, but that didn't really count since I was closer to them than my cousins).



Mixed gender I think is fine until around 7 or 8 when girls start becoming more self aware.



edited to add: my 2 year old did spend a week camping with my parents and my sister's family (her daughter is only 4 months older than my daughter and they love spending time with each other) last summer, but I wouldn't have been comfortable allowing my child to do something like that at that age with anyone else.

Kate CP - posted on 03/13/2010

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I have no problem with sleep overs. My daughter is only 4 so right now sleep overs with boys isn't a big deal. Once she gets to be about 10, 11 I think girls only will be the way we go. She's never been invited to a sleep over yet, but when she is I'll have no problem letting her go.

[deleted account]

My daughters started going to sleepovers when they were around 9 -10. It was never an issue because we made it our business to get to know the parents of all their friends, male and female. Their friends also stayed with us plenty of times.



By the time they were in their early teens, they'd worked out that if mum & dad didn't know the parents of the person who was having the sleepover, there was no point in asking, as the answer would be No!



It got harder as they grew older, as then the situation was complicated by the issues of alcohol and parents not being at home. But because we has been fairly open and flexible for years we were able to communicate easily and make an informed decision, based on how they felt they could cope and how strong their friendships were.

Terri - posted on 02/06/2010

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I think its ok if it is same sex, but I wouldnt allow it until at least probably 6 years of age. And never if opposite sex.

[deleted account]

My kids started to have sleep overs (only at relatives like grandma or auntie) when they were about 4 - 6 years old. I don't let them sleep over at other people's houses cause I really don't like the idea. Maybe if I knew the parents really well and they were my friends. You never know what people are like when their at home or what kinds of things could be around their house.

[deleted account]

My boys are 11 9 and 3 and i never let any of them sleep over with friends. The only nights they have spent that werent in their own beds was when the oldest two went camping with Scouts. The oldest is asked to sleepovers all the time and most of his friends have been doing it for years but i prefer my kids in their own beds at night. I dont allow their friends to sleep over our house either.

Lindsay - posted on 01/30/2010

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My kids are 4 and 3 and have yet to have any sleepovers that weren't family. They are both in preschool now and in the same class. The older of the 2 will be starting kindergarten in the fall and I expect that we'll be getting asked about sleepovers sometime after that. As long as I know the child's parent, I don't think I'll have a problem sending either for a sleepover if they want to go. And I would expect anyone we ask for a sleepover here to know us and be comfortable with us as well. As far as gender goes, that draws some gray area for me. Madeline's best friend at school is a twin so if she ever goes to a sleepover there, her twin brother will be there. The same goes with mine. Since I have a girl and a boy only 18months apart, when either has someone over, they will more than likely all play together. I wouldn't send my daughter to a boy's home for the night but I also wouldn't stop it just because a boy is there. I'm not worried so much about the gender difference being an issue but more of establishing appropriate boundaries for the future. As long as sleeping arrangements are different for boys vs. girls, I am fine.

[deleted account]

My daughter is two and a half and we let her stay the night at my friends sons(he is 3) house or he stays at our house...were from a small town and there aren't many kids her age to play with so I know she gets lonely being an only child...now later on there will be no boy girl sleepovers allowed I would say past the age of 5 or 6 it would start becoming inappropriate and by then she will be in kindergarten and have plenty of other little friends...

[deleted account]

With family...at whatever age you are comfortable leaving your baby or toddler.
Same sex....fine at about school age.
Different sex....not okay unless its a relative.

[deleted account]

I was sleeping at my best friend's house (a boy) when I was 6.



My girls (8 now) have only been on one sleepover that wasn't at a relative's house and that was when they stayed at my best friend's house for 4 days (I saw them at least once a day though) while I was in the hospital having their brother. I'm not really comfortable w/ sleepovers, but that's a personal, over protective deal w/ me. ;)

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