Washing out your kids mouth with soap? Yes or No?

Jen - posted on 12/10/2012 ( 23 moms have responded )

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My 14yr old has a bad habit of talking back and lying (about dumb little things) would it be cruel to wash her mouth out?

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Sarah - posted on 12/07/2013

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Child abuse is abusing a child. Plain and simple. A squirt of vYnegar on the tongue is LAZY parenting. What about the diet? Why dont parents try to figure out WHY kids act out instead of resorting to insane "answers" that result in negative emotions.yes. Dont do it. It enforces that she cant talk to you. If i were you i would take a better look at your relationship with her. When did the trust end and who is really to blame? What are her friends like? I think its wrong to put soap in your teens mouth. My mom did it to me and it taught me 1 thing: my mother wouldnt do this if she loved me. I was very young and it was a horrible experience. I lied about dumb shit because i KNEW she would overreact and try to hurt me. I could never talk to my mother about anything. So for the sake of your relationship with dd please stop even thinking that could be an answer. No living being deserves treatment like that. Good luck. Parenting with love and compassion is hard because its best.

Christine - posted on 10/26/2013

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If you are resorting to physically punishing your child for a transgression, you are the one with the problem, not him. There are literally a hundred other things you can try before assaulting your childs body. Sure, the soap probably won't cause any physical damage that's permanent, but look at the lesson you just taught. "If someone bigger and stronger than you disagrees with your behavior, they can inflict physical pain or discomfort on you and there's nothing you can do about it." It works great if the world was perfect and it was just you, but think about how you'd feel if your child grew up and let a boss or coworker treat them poorly because you taught them, inadvertently, that it's alright for authority figures to do that?

Elizabeth - posted on 01/30/2013

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I dont do the whole soap deal just because i think its gross and find other ways to deal with talking back. However I don't think its child abuse, kids are not disciplined enough these days because all of sudden every thing is child abuse! Give me a break.
A friend of mine has a small squirt bottle of apple cider vinegar and if her girls are really mouthy she gives them a little squirt on the tongue, she said she has only had to do it one time to each girl because it tastes so gross to them. Now she just has to show them the bottle and they are silent. Cruelty free and all natural if you were looking for an alternative.

S. - posted on 12/13/2012

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When my 13 year old talks to me like rubbish I just hold up my hand (like in a stop signal) and cut her dead, I tell her to go away if she's going to speak to me like that, at one point I would get into a argument with her and stoop down to her level so what I am doing now just defuses it before it even starts. There's no question teenagers can be horrible, unrecognisable little monsters, the fact that your daughter can be sweet and nice to others proves she's still a good kid so hold on to that. As daft as it sounds You are her safety net if she takes out her problems on you or tests out her lies your still going to be there for her regardless.

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John Duffy - posted on 09/10/2013

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No, it's child abuse, there are other types of punishing tools you can use in a humane way, washing out with soap is NOT!

Jodi - posted on 05/02/2013

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I'm confused as to why these things HAVE to be "part of a parant's bag of tricks". There ARE other ways to communicate, you know, other than physical discomfort. Try actually treating your children like human beings. It works!!!

Think about it. If someone physically forced YOU to eat soap, you'd charge them with assault, right? So why is it okay to do it to a little kid? Go and google the definition of "bully". It actually fits this scenario.

Jodi - posted on 01/31/2013

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Discipline doesn't mean you must physically punish your child. They are two totally different things. Kids get plenty disciplined these days. They just don't get hit or physically forced to ingest things. Believe me, there were just as many undisciplined children "back in the day". I get so tired of hearing people spout this rubbish about kids being so bad these days. They are different, but that doesn't make them devil incarnates and undisciplined.

Jodi - posted on 01/17/2013

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So they all think she is sweet at her friend's houses....What is she doing going to friend's houses if she is speaking like this to you? Going to friend's houses is a privilege, not a right. Privileges come with being responsible and respectful....

April - posted on 01/16/2013

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At this point, your relationship is in transition and will be for quite some time. It is transitioning from child/parent to adult/adult. If you are trying to teach her respect and how to show respect, why disrespect her with such a horrible act. Let her know how much it hurts your feelings when she speaks to you that way and that not being able to trust her due to her lies is hurting both of you as well. If she wants respect from you, she must show it. If she wants you to trust her, she must be truthful. The harder part for you on this is showing her respect and appreciating it when she is truthful and respectful and following up on your respect even if she isn't. Refuse to be treated disrespectfully by putting the behavior on extinction (basically ignoring but different) pay no attention to it and refuse to react NO MATTER HOW much it hurts your heart. BUT as soon as her behavior and attitude changes, talk with her as you would any other adult. Hold her accountable for her behavior.... there are always natural consenquences. If she spoke to a friend like that or lied it would start to sever the relationship. As a mom you don't really want to sever the relationship but you know how to simulate it. She is going to want something from you...it is okay to respond like any normal adult would to another adult. If we had a friendship and I hurt you, you would expect the relationship to be repaired before we could spend time together or before you would do anything for me. It may be as simple as fixing everyone else dinner and letting her know she is responsible for herself when she asks where her dinner is. The key is making sure it doesn't come off as vengeful but as a consequence to her behavior. Best of luck helping your little girl turn into a woman! I'm not far behind you with my 8 year old -who knew mood swings started so young! LOL!

~♥Little Miss - posted on 12/13/2012

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Well, she is 14 years old. This is generally the age for that kind of behavior. But washing her mouth out with soap?? Umm...no. How about sitting down and talking with her about her behavior? She is old enough now to have a full conversation, and maybe you can figure out what is bothering her. She is testing boundries right now.

Tracie - posted on 12/13/2012

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Any form of physical punishment is degrading. There should absolutely be consequences for disrespectful behavior, but the solution isn't to disrespect the child. That would make no sense.

At 14 I'm sure there are plenty of things she values in her life. Let her know before hand that if she mouths off to you, XYZ will happen, and then DO IT. If there is a predictable consequence every time, she will get it. If at all possible, try to make the punishment fit the crime so there's a direct connection between the transgression and the consequence.

Also, it has often been my experience that kids who act out like this do so because there's something troubling them that they can't articulate. The best way to get the behavior to stop is to address it head-on. Good luck.

Nikki - posted on 12/13/2012

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It is actually classed as child abuse in Australia. A big no, it's illegal but more importantly it's degrading. If she is lying and you are desperate enough to look into these methods maybe you need to really look at your relationship. It sounds as if your relationship is not respectful, maybe you need to have a few open discussions about treating each other a little better. Spend some time with her doing things she enjoys and try to talk to her about why she is acting the way she is, and how you can both work together to avoid these situations.

Jen - posted on 12/11/2012

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I haven't actually done, just thought about, since I remember my mom doing it to me...though that was for swearing.

I've tried taking away any and all of her electronics, grounded her, no computer unless it's for school, then it's supervised. Extra chores just makes her grumble and complain even more, or she half way does it, then there's another go round because it's not finished.

I'm stuck as to how to explain that this isn't allowed. She doesn't act this way when she does stay at friends homes, all I hear is how sweet and helpful she is

Any other ideas?

[deleted account]

I did it to my son 2x when he was around 4-5. He had suddenly started spitting when he was mad so he got soeap .



I wish I never did it. I felt awful when I really sat and thought about it.

Denikka - posted on 12/10/2012

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No no and NO!!!



Soap is antibacterial. It KILLS bacteria and such. Obviously it's harmful to some extent. There are dyes, perfumes, and a list the length of your arm of other harmful chemical in it. It says right on the bottles/bar packages, something to extent of *not to be used internally* or *not to be ingested*.



Totally agree with S.J. I would also classify it as child abuse. Find another way to deal with your child.

S. - posted on 12/10/2012

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I Personally class it a child abuse ! Tell me what good can come of soap in the mouth? In my experience talking back and fabricating story's is a common stage for most teenagers to go through. I go for inventive lessons that hopefully archive something rather then things like soap in the mouth, no I don't always get it right but in the long run I'm hoping I'm respected and feared.



So that's a big NO from me!

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