feeling like a single mom

Jenn - posted on 12/27/2008 ( 10 moms have responded )

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Yesterday I had a friend helping me clean and she was asking whether or not we will have more kids. I said no because as it is right now I feel like a single mom and I don't think I could handle any more by myself. She just looked at me like I was dumb and she didn't really get it. Does anyone else feel this way or am I alone?

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Shilohe - posted on 01/31/2009

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I am in the same boat, when he has to work my husband is zero help to me...He works nights, wakes up at 3 pm, runs for and hour, eats supper and showers and goes to work by 6 pm...gets home at 8am and eats breakfast and goes to bed...it is hard, but he works 14 shifts a month and I much prefer more time off together as a family that a 5 day a week 9-5 job that would be the alternative. 



We aren't having any more kiddos either ours is 16 months old, it's just too hard with 2 working parents in stressful fields of work. 



Hang in there!

User - posted on 01/30/2009

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I wanted to say I feel the same way also. I am new to this group, but I have been at this since last March. My husband is right now at the bottom of the pole, so to speak so we have to take what we get. His hours are 5-3am but the days are always different. I usually get up and take my oldest (6) to school and come home and take care of the other 2 kids (3, boy and 11 mo, girl ... who still nurses) I really feel like a maid most of the time and I try not to complain as much and just need to keep working at it. Maybe some of you could see if your husband could watch the kids a few mins each day or few hrs. just so you can regain your purpose for being here. I am a stay at home mommy and I always try to get out of the house and have at least an hr to myself. Sometimes I can do this when kids are sleeping to help both of us and sometimes I do it before he goes to work. He gets off at 3 but since he is new they talk and decompress before they come home. He usually gets up around 12 or 1 but he doesn't leave til 4 or so, so they gives us a lil time. With the whole nursing factor, I ma trying to slowly wean her off, but it takes a lot of discipline and soon I will succeed, hopefully.

Thanks everyone and I am so thankful to have a group of woman and mom's who understand me and we all can help each other.

Jessica - posted on 01/28/2009

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I do feel like that at times...but when he is home, even though he wants to relax or whatever, I keep him busy.  Yesterday I was running late to work an he was off so I had him get the Baby ready while I warmed up the car, packed the diaper bag, scraped ice off the car, packed the bags in the car, and finished getting ready.  He finally saw what I do every morning and said he didn't know how I did it.  I replied I didn't want to hear anymore complaints when I ask for help.  On the other hand I have one child and want 3 more and I would still do it with or without him.  But more help would be appreciated and I am not afraid to ask!

User - posted on 01/18/2009

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yeah, it's hard. my hubby just graduated the academy and is working the 2-10 shift. i work 6-2 so i never see him. it stinks.

Jenn - posted on 01/14/2009

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That's the worst...I definitely hate 2nd shift. It's so hard to keep the kids quiet while he's sleeping. And you never get to see him either. Very frustrating!! How long will he be on 2nd shift? Hopefully he can switch soon :)

Jenny - posted on 01/13/2009

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I definately feel like a single mom right now. My husband is working 2nd shift right now (2:30 til 11:00). I HATE it! When he gets off at night he "can't go straight to bed" so he stays up until 3 or 4 in the morning sometimes later. Then he doesn't wake up until 1:30. I guess I can't say much beacuse I have never work 2nd shift so I don't know what it is like, but it is still frustrating!

Rebecca - posted on 01/13/2009

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You are definitely not alone. There are some benefits to it but the days where my husband works, I feel like I am doing it alone. It has changed our lives in a big way and can make me a little resentful sometimes. I think the best thing to do is lean on your friends and family. I have worked a lot harder lately at getting out and doing things while he is sleeping or working and it helps.

Nicole - posted on 01/08/2009

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Totally! My baby girl is 5months old; while he would be crazy happy if I were pregnant I want to pull my hair out and say do you see how crazy this house is will you help me or do I ahve to bark orders at you or he'd rather play with her than even see my existance.! But then I think at least I have a husband that loves to play with his baby girl and doesn't tick her off and keeps a watchful eye. And he has as tressful job but I knew what I was getting into and I knew parts of it were going to suck. I'm staying at home and taking care of a 1 year old as well while he works nights 12 hours a shift she screams while he is trying to sleep and now wants me to quit while he said he would support me but now he has to come first? yeah you know i feel all alone a whole bunch and it sucks, but I am crazy still in love with him and when he is home none of it is an issue. because we choose not to talk about and enjoy the time we actually do get to spend together. it would be nice if he helped do more around the house but asking him is like getting my teeth pulled bc I know he fels like well I worked all week why do I ahev to deal with this and I will go back to work and then what? what is he going to do what am I going to. I'm still the primary caregiver of this wonderful baby that I am helping delvelop and thats a huge responisbility to help create a hopefully respectful loving child and they want another?  it totally sucks and we are super women but we have to precieve ourselves that way for our families and its never fair. and I've talked to toher wives that have succeeded in a 50 years marriage and their husbands are looking at the world today and seeing how much they really did. it takes that long to get them trianed bc they finallly sit down and look around. and trust me we are all waiting for that momment and it may never come but you have to fight for your love you choose to be there for a reason hold on to that and many others and in momments you'll find peace and that being a partime fulltime singel mom is worth it.

[deleted account]

You are not alone. I tell everyone the same thing and they give me the same look like that doesn't make sense. But they are not in my shoes. We have an 11 year old and a 2 1/2 year old. Recently we got a surpise that I was pregnant, and although it didn't seem like the right time, we were happy non the less. As the weeks past, the pregnancy hormoes started kicking in and everyhting my husband did agravated me. I knew going in that if and when we decided o have more kids, that at the end of the day I would be the one taking care of the kids, the home, the bills and th eshopping because of his schedule. Basically being a single parent in a two parent household. I say everyday that it takes a special and strong woman to be married to police officer. Most of the time they are never around and if you, as the wife, happen to work and you guys are on opposite schedule, then you never see each other. My husband works midnights, and I work during the day. I'm gone by the time he get's home from work and then we MIGHT see eachother for an hour in the evening depending on if I even get home before he goes to work. It's hard and can be a struggle at times, but we somehow make it work. You have to have a great support system around you. Create one if you don't. Get in contact with some of his co-workers wives. We are all in the same boat and know exactly what you are feeling like and going through. Just stay focused on your family, be thankful that he comes home everyday and take it one day at a time. You are loved and we, police wives, understand your frustration. I hoped this helped.

Faith - posted on 12/28/2008

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Sometimes I feel like that, mainly when he is working a lot of OT or has training, etc. I have started to tell him when I feel like that instead of keeping it bottled up where I become more and more bitter. I actually told him the other day I was feeling like he was never around and starting to feel resentful with being stuck doing majority of child care, house care and working full time. He ended up taking 2 days off from work so we could have family time and I could have a break. I hate that sometimes I feel like this but then I think about how we do have it good is some ways, too. He can take days off easier than most normal jobs, we don't have to take our daughter to day care often b/c one or both of us is almost always home with her, we have a much more flexible schedule than a lot of people out there, etc. But it does get to me sometimes so I am trying to make myself be more honest with him and tell him when it happens so it doesn't become an issue between us.

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