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Hard being alone all the time..

Lana - posted on 02/12/2009 ( 27 moms have responded )

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I feel like a single mom sometimes.. I work full time and go to school, and have an active 2 1/2 year son. But I feel like I do everything cause my husbands hours are just so bad!! Anyone feel the same?

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Mercedes - posted on 07/21/2009

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It gets easier sometimes as you try to remember that it is just as hard for him too. When my husband is home on his day off, he cooks dinner for us, he does the laundry and homework with our daughter. He gives up picking weekends as days off so he can be home on the week days to do things with our daughter. We have been married for 11 years and it was hard in the beginning, especially going to kids birthday parties, when our friends always ask, where is he? and I keep saying...: It is his Monday, first day back to work, although it is actual Saturday for us." I work full time too, so it is hard, I always remember that my goal is to have him home safe and not for him to be at work, worrying about how alone I feel, because that is the life of being a Police Offier's wife and we do that job proudly :)

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Rebecca - posted on 12/17/2010

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we have four kids ages 2 yrs - 14yrs and i work full time i keep thinking i will get use to it sense he works 2 PM 2AM but lots of times goes in before then and gets off later then that. The one nice thing is he trys to do the doc. appointments when he is off so that helps out some.

April - posted on 10/27/2010

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Yes, I know just how you feel. My husband worked on the streets night shift or evening shift for 13 years. He was recently promoted to detective in May with day shift and weekends off so it has gotten better. He still works extra jobs which I don't get, he doesn't have to, I guess they just get used to making that extra money. Our son is 5 so I felt like a single parent for 5 years. Hang in there and just treasure the moments you are together. It's a very hard job with low pay and very little gratitude. Thank goodness there are those willing to carry the burden.

Cindy - posted on 03/23/2010

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I totally understand how you feel. My husband is a Sgt... and since they are short staffed he's working 16 hour days. I have two kids a 4 yr old and a 2 yr old. Both have Autism. Between being a mom and taking care of the house, it's hard to do anything by myself. And when he comes home. He just wants to go to sleep. I'm always telling him I feel like a single mom. But I know he tries and he works hard to take care of us.

Deirdre - posted on 03/10/2010

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Yes! My husband works on average 70 hrs a week and has been on call the past 11 years. However, he just retired from that job and started a new one which is finally a normal 40 hr week. The long hours were harmful to our marriage... mainly because we let it. Make sure you and your husband have date nights - and trips. It is so very important. I think it's wonderful that you're going to school - you need something for yourself. I did that in the beginning and now I have a home-based business which keeps me focused on something positive and the support of the other women in this business really helped me not feel so alone. Good luck and reply if you want to chat. Deirdre

Natasha - posted on 02/28/2010

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Hi,
I can relate as well. But things are getting better, not only was my husband a police officer doing shift work (usually the night shift), I had two small children, and was trying to deal with cancer. I had no family,no friends, no facebook. :) but we made it though and things are better. Still broke and making sacrifices for the family but I am not as lonely or stressed. There is hope, your circumstances will change, and things will get better for you as well.

Michelle - posted on 02/26/2010

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Hi there,
We found that the only time to get some quality time was for me to give up work also.My hubby works usually 4 days on luckily only 10 hour days but he is exhausted at the end of them as we can only afford for him to cycle to work. My little man is 2 years old in a fortnight and it just about works even though I am lonely at home with no money to do anything and few people to talk to.
I do find it hard, I have given up my freedom and income to give my baby and my husband the life they want even if I sacrifice a bit. The money I don't miss as much as the freedom to be earning my own wage (feel accountable to hubby for every move I make and responsible for every financial error...) but I do have to be ruthless with the budget and sometimes wonder how on earth I will feed them. But you have to find a solution that is right for you emotionally, because you will be amazed how you can cut back financially (I gave up £17k!) to survive.
Best of luck, you know all us police 'wags' (horrid term ha ha!) are standing shoulder to shoulder with you.

Tracy - posted on 02/24/2010

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I just mentioned a few days ago that sometimes I feel like a single mom. With the K9 training and overtime it can feel like awhile before I see my husband. Maybe that is why I use facebook as my out and am on it a lot. Then I think of the time he and I get to spend with each other before he goes to work (he works 3p to 10 or 11p- depending on how many officers are on) yet the kids can go all week without seeing their dad. He doesn't get up until they are at school and is gone before they get off. Just hang in there and no that you have other officer wives that are here for you. And remember that we are the backbone to our men who need to come home from a stressful job to some normalcy

Brandi - posted on 02/23/2010

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You are not alone Lana...I pretty much am a single mother to our 3 children one of which is special needs...my husband was stationed 4 hours from our home. We made the decision for me and the kids to stay in our home because our baby requires so much medical attention. My husband was lucky enough to be invited to live with a friend of his from the police academy. So he works 4 hours away from home and gets to come home on his days off. Thing is he only gets a day off ever 7-8 days. We have a 9, 7, and 18 month old. I stay at home with our kids all day everyday. I make all the decisions about every aspect of their lives. Cause you know you can't always get to talk to them every time something comes up when they are on patrol. This is the hardest thing we have been through since our baby got sick. There are days when I lay in bed and cry for hours because I don't think I can make it one more day without him being home. But then I have to tell myself that this is his dream that he has had since he was 5 years old. I would never tell him for one minute that I need him to give up on this and come home because I can't do this without him. I make it through the day somehow I don't know how. I just get up and go on because my kids need me and my husband needs me to be strong. You can do it to be strong and do your best to make it and you will.

Nikki - posted on 02/09/2010

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It is so good to hear all of these posts. Sometimes as a fiance of a police officer working full time in one department and part time in another- with over time inbetween making shifts longer than doubles it gets rough. Our son is 20 months old and I feel like the weeks are so long at times. But when my fiance is home after his naps here and there- he is an amazing man. He does our laundry, cooks, and takes care of our son as much as possible. He lets me sleep in on the mornings he is home. I have to say that we are blesssed. Were all healthy, I get to stay at home and raise our child, and although I get lonley at times. I know he is putting his life on the line everyday for us, and I kiss him as hard as I can before he leaves, and know god will bring him back to us safe.



7a-3p then 11p-3p in the same day gets rough two days in a row like that with tues-sat off with court days and then some weeks a few 6p-6a and 6a-6p back to back the days get long the nights are worse,. Heaven forbid he helps someone else out and picks up more hours during the week...But I knew going into this relationship it wasnt going to be easy-and it isnt. But It could always be alot worse.

DJ - posted on 02/05/2010

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Hang in there!!! I have dealt with the PPD for the past 23 years. There were many holidays and family events I went solo. You get used to it with time. It isn't easy thats for sure. I too work full-time, put myself through nursing school, went back for my BSN as wel as my MSN. We have two kids 14 and 7. Luckily for me now is he works permanent 11P to 7A. It works better for the kids....not him but it is easier for the kids. I don't mean to sound cold but it was his choice he went to this shift.

I am sure you do do most of everything for the kids because of his work schedule. Do you have family to help with the kids? I couldn't have done it nor could I continue to do it without good family and friend support. Don't give up on your schooling.

Please feel free to contact me to vent...somethings having someone to talk to helps!!!

DJ (jaydee33@comcast.net)

Emily - posted on 01/24/2010

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I am right there with you. I am a mother of two 3 yrs and 9 mo girls. My husband works nights from 6:30 pm to 4 am. I also work full time and not to mention his days off are Mon, Tues, and Wed when I am working. Just tonight reality hit me that we have NO family time and I am ery dissapointed about it. I am a single mom in my life. My parents are my back bone. I typically drive home once a month with the kids when my husband is at his other passion, the military for drill. I totally understand your frustration and loneliness!

Nikki - posted on 01/15/2010

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as I go through all the post I see we are all in the same boat! cause here I am its after midnight on a friday night and Im on FB wishin I had some friends here since the hubby is on nights for the two weeks

Lynne - posted on 12/30/2009

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Quoting Lana:

Hard being alone all the time..

I feel like a single mom sometimes.. I work full time and go to school, and have an active 2 1/2 year son. But I feel like I do everything cause my husbands hours are just so bad!! Anyone feel the same?



12 years on and it's starting to improve. It was always hard having to explain to the kids why Daddy couldn't be at their game. But as they move up the ladder the schedule gets more flexible. Good Luck and God Bless!!

Laura - posted on 08/29/2009

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I actually was just whining about this to my husband, which landed my on here to vent - ha!

State trooper husband works 12 hour shifts (two weeks 6am-6pm, two weeks 6pm-6am), and then picks up tons of overtime, so I and our 19 month old son barely see him. I start med-school in Jan., and am so worried about it, but he doesn't listen and just seems annoyed by my rambling complaints. To top it off, we were just assigned to a new troop, where I know NO ONE, and I do end up feeling guilty nagging and complaining so much bc I know l.e.o's jobs are stressful. How to cope! UGH

Shana - posted on 07/29/2009

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I completely understand where you are coming from...I always feel that way. And I so often feel unappreciated. I don't think my husband intends for me to feel that way, it's just that he doesn't see everything that goes into surviving ONE day! I too work full time, part time student and I have a 6 yr old and a 3 yr old...All I can say is hang in there...it will get easier, you will become accustomed to the lifestyle and eventually you will be done with school. Just stay strong and though we miss our husbands dearly, it's because of them that so many people are safe and protected at night. :)

Christie - posted on 05/27/2009

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I am with you, my husband works 4 days and doesn't get off till 2 am and right now I work full time until June 30th and then I will be unemployed, and I will be starting school in the fall. I totally understand the feeling alone

Christie - posted on 05/13/2009

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Yes!!! I am lucky to be a stay at home mom. But the days my hubby works are hard, I do feel like I do it all on my own.

Elizabeth - posted on 05/11/2009

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Totally! I have three kids, ages 10 months to 6 years old. My husband works 7pm to 7am and I work during the day. It is sooooo hard.

Katie - posted on 04/20/2009

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My husband works nights so when he is home he is sleeping. I have 3 children 2 of which are school age and 1 that is home with me. I feel the same way. On his days off he is then doing K9 training or they will have him do overtime. So I know how ruff it can be you learn to make the best of it when you are together and live and learn!!!!

Christine - posted on 04/19/2009

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It does get better!! My husband has been an Officer for 23 years, he is 43 years old and started as a PSA at 18, he has retired from his first 20 years as a patrol Sgt., and went back to work with another agency as a street patrol Sgt. again. We are on shift work, which changes every two weeks from evenings to days (thank God this agency does not require midnights)!! We have a six year old son and we have been together for 14 years, 10 married. We have seen it all as we live near Washington, DC, he is in a jurisdiction just outside of DC and it tends to be pretty violent, we have been through him shooting a suicide by police, etc. I am sure I don't need to go through the whole 23 years of things,but I never worry (maybe a little), when he walks out that door, as I know he has been trained by the best!! Circles like this are great for wives, because we can't always talk like this with them. I find Holidays are hard when his chair is empty, but that is why God created families, I hope and pray you have a wonderful family, like I do (both his side and mine) are so supportive of us. Just remember that he is out there doing a job that most people are not able to and that he keeps us safe from harm, and helps those who need him in times of crisis, and for that your husband and all of the Officers out there are the real HEROS!!

[deleted account]

It gets better!!! 10 years and 4 kids, and my husband is now the best ever. Even though I spend a lot of time without him, my boys are now a little older, so I don't feel alone. It was really hard when they were little, but you will make it through, and will be a better, stronger mom because of it!! You are not alone......you just feel like you are. (I always call my mom when I NEED to talk, my dad worked shift work, so she understands!)

Nicole - posted on 03/05/2009

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I dont' blame you. I complain bc mine has had surgery and is home for a little over a month.  i still feel like i'm loading all the responsibilities still. he won't help with laundry and I don't know hwy i have to ask him to change a diaper but its like she's mine and he's still coming in for play time and he gets to leave. Isaty at home but I want to know when I get a chance to have my space. he's home why can't I get my space? so while you don't see eachother right now I bet your n ot ready for him to retire its just that you want and need that couple time whether its for a minute or a day without interuption. I can't even get mine to talk about whats bothering him. its a double edged sword, you get to stay home spend all the time in the world with your babes or you rarely see anyone that you want to. but you do get some time away to better yourself.

Lana - posted on 02/15/2009

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I'm so glad to hear that there are other people who feel like I do! So it's 11pm and I'm sitting here on facebook because I'm alone as usual.. I know times goes by fast and everyone manages but it's just SO hard. My husbands on night tour this week, so I literally don't see him now for a week straight. So sad. Anyhow, thanks ladies for talking :)

Keri - posted on 02/14/2009

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You are not alone. My husband works as an Ag Detective so i'm lucky that he works from 7 am- 5pm Tues-Thurs. However, he is also on the Dive Team as well as the SWAT team. He is also one to work shifts for other people. I don't mind the overtime, but with me back working full time and our 2 boys who are 6 and 3 it does get frustrating. Luckily I have my paren'ts who don't mind that we come over all the time because my husband is not at home. Oh and I forgot to mention he's gone usually one week a month for training of some sort. I can't rely on the other police wives in the town he works in because it's about an hour away from where we live, so I really don't get to see much of the other wives which also makes it hard because they are really the only one's that truly know what you are going through. That is why i'm glad I found this community because I now know i'm not alone in the things I feel. Good Luck!

Deborah - posted on 02/13/2009

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My kids are grown now but when they were little their Dad was away a LOT. He's in the Marine Division / Search & Rescue and you could guarantee that he would get a call out as soon as we were enjoying any family time! I found that I relied heavily on the other partners of police officers. We were in a small coastal town and it was hard to make friends with people who were worried about talking to a cops wife! I found much comfort in talking and socializing with other police wives. You really have my sympathy, it is hard but you do get through. My kids still remember me giving them 'daddy kisses' when they went to bed (he has a beard and I used to put my long hair over my top lip and give them a kiss - hence 'daddy kisses'). They both have a great relationship with their father. Oh, and I was studying too!

Valerie - posted on 02/12/2009

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We have lucked out in that I get to stay at home, which helps a lot! Also, my husband has 3 days off a week. But on the 4 days he does work, he usually does not get home until between 2-3am. And so for 4 days straight I feel like I never see him. And that's with me staying at home. So I couldn't imagine how much harder it is for you when you have to work and go to school! You are not the only one that can feel lonely, keep in mind that I'm writing this at 11:30pm after my daughter is in bed and my hubby is still at work.

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