LEO husband doesn't share equal responsibility with housed hold duties

Liz - posted on 01/18/2014 ( 1 mom has responded )

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Hi,

My husband and I have been married for 10 years. We have two children ages 3 and 9 months. He has been an LEO for two years now. I'm getting frustrated and sometimes resent him as I feel he doesn't help around the house equally. I work from home 30 hours 5 times a week and stay with the children alone on weekends as he works. When I ask for help, I feel I have to beg him. When I confronted him about it and told him I felt we weren't working together as a team and felt burned out, he tried to give me a guilt trip by telling me my job doesn't require life or death situations, so he needed to rest. Most of the time, I just end up doing all house chores and baby duties including feedings, diaper changes, night wakings, etc. Am I being unrealistic in asking for help? He does work a lot and puts in a lot of over time. I'm exhausted and feel so alone on this. Please advise!

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Meghan St - posted on 04/14/2014

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I am having the same problem with my husband. I work three 12 hour shifts and am home with my 2 year old and 7 month old the rest of the week. Same as you, I do pretty much all the chores and child care. On Mondays he now has to drop the kids off at daycare and pick them up in the afternoon since he transferred to a detective position. I was leaving work early to get them from daycare and they are tired and hungry when they get home which makes it difficult but I always did it without complaint. Now that he has to do it, he complains every week saying I need to come home early enough to help him out. But on Sundays I need to come home to help him get them ready for daycare the next day... I can't leave early every day or else I would never work all my time! When I do get home after my 12 hour shift and hour round-trip commute I have to help get the kids to bed. When I told him I would like for him to take on that responsibility because I want to get a full night sleep and he stays home on the weekends when I work, he told me I was being greedy for wanting somewhere near 8 hours of sleep and that no one sleeps that much and I don't need that much sleep! Like he knows my body. I'm so frustrated I don't know what to do about the situation. He's extremely selfish, just like your husband is acting. They undermine that we work and take care of the children because they are not normal schedule jobs. They can't have a stay-at-home mom who takes care of the house and have the income with us working. Something has to give. You are not being unrealistic in asking for help. He chose that career and having a family, so they need to be present for both. I understand what you're going through, I have never felt so alone. I wish I had more advice as to how to mend the situation, I have no idea how to approach mine either. Best of luck.

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