"Beauty"

Meghan - posted on 05/07/2010 ( 10 moms have responded )

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So I am a fairly young mom...before having my son I spent all my money on nice clothes, getting my hair done, went to the gym everyday etc etc etc...my parents never had a lot of money and my mom took care of herself but no where to this extrerme.. so it was my own hard work and maybe a bit of my own insecurities (I went to a high school where mos kids where very wealthy and didn't need to work)

I just ran into a girl I went to highschool with (who never spoke a word to me for 3 years) She called me and said, wow you look totally different and kind of giggled. Maybe I was being a little sensitve but I took it as a jab...she has the hair extentions, boob job, nice expensive clothes, full set of make-up (it was almost 9:00pm)

To the point...even if I could afford to do all this...having a son I don't think I would want to "look| like this. Maybe I am subconsiously making excuses but I want Joshua to see what a real woman looks like. When I was with my ex I worked out 2 days after he was born, always had dinner on the table, had my hair and make-up done...kinda being the Stepford Wife..being on my own for almost a year I feel I can be myself!! I want him to see that woman CAN work hard and provide by themselves...I want him to see a woman with some curves and real boobs...woman are beautiful with or without make-up...sometimes I don't wash my hair for a few days lol...

Having a boy or girl, have you ever thought about the impact society has on children and do you feel strongly about "breaking" a mold or stero-type? Is what I am doing possibly helping him to become a more respectful man?

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Ez - posted on 05/08/2010

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Thanks Dana! You too! I don't have quite that much to lose.. I put on 34kg, which is about 75lbs, when I was pregnant.

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Awww....Erin, that's soo sweet! I'm in the same boat! Just starting to lose the 100lbs I've gained since I got preggers! Good luck!

Charlie - posted on 05/08/2010

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I have a son but what concerns me most is my child's relationship with his body and how he will treat it , in turn i would hope he could tell the difference between a healthy body regardless of shape and an unhealthy body ,healthy bodies come in all shapes and sizes , i want him to know that its the differences in the world that make beauty both physically and intellectually .

I have always been of the opinion that the way one presents themselves is an expression of who they are , i enjoy fashion and use it as a form of self expression , i also use minimal make up ( mineral powder , mascara , lipgloss , SPF30) in my day to day routine , i think making a little effort to keep well groomed is about self respect HOWEVER there is such a thing as going to far , over compensating with make up , designer brand everything , and letting beauty take over your life is not healthy , its an obsession , everything in moderation , when a woman goes overboard and overcompensates it becomes more about pleasing others and not yourself .
I do these things because i enjoy it not because i care what other people think and that, there is the difference , people who do it for themselves dont generally look down on others because we aren't looking for validation or attention , people like the woman you mentioned who do it purely for others are looking for attention and are most likely the ones to look down on others , i guess they think just because they want so desperately for others to judge them and love them based on looks then they have a right to do it to others , which really is sad , it says a lot about their self esteem .

Oh by the way , i wash my hair once a week if that !

Ez - posted on 05/08/2010

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Having a little girl who is constantly being labelled for her beauty, this is something I am very aware of. Milla is a stunning-looking child. She was lucky and got the perfect mix of mine and her father's genes. But I am very conscious of people complimenting her only on her looks. My mother and grandmother are bad for it, and I have asked them to tone it down. I have had two strangers approach me about signing her to a modelling agency, and I have politely declined both times. Focusing on her looks is not something I want to promote. And while she is gorgeous, she is so much more than that.

I have never been what I would call vain, but I was one of those women who never went out of the house in trackies. Guess what?? The day I became a mother was the day that changed lol! I gained a lot of weight while pregnant and am only now losing it (14kg in the last 11 weeks :D) because I had more important things to worry about than dieting. I put my child's needs above my own, and so spent a year looking far worse than I ever expected to. But it doesn't matter, because my role in the world has changed. And now that my daughter is older, I do have the time to focus on myself again and get my body back (although it won't ever be the same lol). When my daughter looks back on her baby photos, she will see me looking far less than my best, but she will know that's because I was busy looking after her and making sure she was happy!

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About the last part.....you're reading WAY too much into it! LOL! I totally agree with you and get ur point but that doesn't mean you should go around grubby 24/7.....there's a time and a place, and YES ladies, there's such a thing as TOO MUCH make-up! LOL! We need to teach them about healthy boundaries and balance!

Meghan - posted on 05/08/2010

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the thing I love about J right now is no matter what I look like, he will come up to me and stroke my face and say mommy pretty! I just don't want him to think that big boobs and lots of make-up and what not = beauty. If a man doesn't like my muffin top and stretch marks which I aquired doing the most beutiful thing in the world SCREW HIM. Unfortunatly not all young girls feel that way. I ttry to show him a healthy life style and respect. We don't use the word fat and ugly in my house-it is as bad as the F word to me....I would be so disapointed if he called someone fat or ugly!

Woman (and men) come in all shapes and sizes and I want him to respect people and see beauty on the inside!

I could be spending hours at the gym but I would rather play with him. Don't get me wrong I do like looking my best but I am not going to put on a full freakin set of make-up to go get milk.

I just had a thought though- I get all dolled up to go to work at a pub...because let's face it, if I went to work with yogurt in my hair and no make-up I probably wouldn't make the same amount of tips. I would be comfotable with not getting dressed up but it is fun and I really do "have to". Is that kind of going against everything I want to teach him, or is this an exception? Wow totally reading a lot into this!

[deleted account]

Absolutely Meghan....and good for you! I've never been much into make-up etc.....always a tomboy growing up! Society plays such a huge role in a child's development and as parents I think we need to do whatever we can to teach our children what the " real world " is all about! I've gotta run....have tons more to say!

Nikki - posted on 05/08/2010

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I hate vanity and image stereotypes, they can be destructive and dangerous. I particularly hate stereotypes aimed at women's body types, clothes, hair and make up.

Yes everyone deserves and wants to feel good about themselves and if clothes and make up do that for you then that's great but looking down on other people because they have small boobs, chunky thighs, daggy clothes is just rude and wrong. No one can fit into the perfect mould that magazines and the media make women out to be, all it ends up doing is causing self esteem issues.

I am much more concerned with teaching my child to be a kind and considerate person, it doesn't matter what you look like on the outside (as long as you have basic hygiene practices down pat)

I had huge self esteem issues from an early age because my mum is very skinny and she expected me to be as well, I wasn't so she put me on diets, (while she continued to eat chocolate in front of me!) I felt like it was my fault. I on the other hand will be teaching Isobel about healthy eating habits and fitting it into a healthy lifestyle.

People can just be so shallow, I had a similar experience Megs when I was on holidays in my home town, I ran into one of the popular girls, who is still perfect looking, she is single, has a great body, hair, clothes etc. She looked me up and down several times and it made me feel like crap but then I realised that I have just had a baby, I am a mum, I have more important things to worry about than whether or not my hair looks perfect when I leave the house. I kinda felt sorry for her then, When I am ready and I have the time I will probably start making more effort with my appearance, but right now I have more important things to concern myself with, making sure my baby is happy and healthy!

Nikki - posted on 05/07/2010

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Screw her Megs, your gorgeous and wonderful! ♥ I have lots more to write about this subject but with a splitting headache the words won't come out, ill be back for this one later.

Amie - posted on 05/07/2010

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I've thought about it a lot and have had to deal with it in our oldest. She went through a rough time when she was younger (not that she's that old now, she's 9 1/2) and she was completely absorbed with how she looked and overly worried that she'd end up "getting fat". /:) No joke, she was 7 years old and worried about being fat. It took us a long time to work with her on that. She's a tall and lean girl, she probably always will be. Though with the onset of puberty in full swing we will find out for sure in the next few years if she ends up a curvy girl like I did or if her father's gene's prevail. Anyway....

It took time and work but a lot of it was her own low self esteem. She felt like she had to measure up to some imaginary standard that she had placed on herself. I am still not entirely sure where she got it from but I am guessing it is starting at school younger these days. We've always been careful about what she's exposed to and only in the last year has she started to watch "teen" shows. Nothing drastic, Family channel shows. LOL She has gotten a lot better though. Overall she's well grounded, she never has a bad thing to say about any of her friends. Not all of them are thin, some are over weight, some fit somewhere in between that. She never judges others, which was something I was glad for when going through this with her, she just accepts them as they are. We just had to work with her on getting her to accept herself.

Our son, well my husband has pissed me off a few times with how he handles him. I understand it's how he was raised but I agree with very few of my in laws parenting ways. I tore his head off last week when our son came inside crying because he had fallen off his bike. So I cleaned him up, put a band aid on and gave him a hug. Then my husband walks in and asks what's wrong. So I told him and he turns and goes "man up buddy boys don't cry when they're hurt". To which I turned and went on a rampage about. "He's FIVE YEARS OLD Don't EVER talk to him like that. There's NOTHING wrong with a boy crying. Just because you were raised to think "real men don't cry" does not mean it's true. It's a load of SHIT and if Jonathan wants to cry to convey his feelings he CAN." My husband was a little shocked to say the least, it's rare that I actually scream at him but his BS little comments like that are not a message I want my son to have. HAHA, notice how it goes from our to my when he acts like a retard?

I want all of our kids to be well rounded individuals, in all aspects of their being. Girls need to realize they don't need to live up to the fake ideals portrayed in the media and boys need to learn it's ok to have feelings and express them. That both can find a healthy balance within themselves and that once they love themselves completely, it is that much easier to love someone else. Love is not to be confused either with an ego. Ego's are not self love, they are self obsession.

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