Bedtime

Meghan - posted on 10/26/2010 ( 16 moms have responded )

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Ok...so J (2) is really starting to push me to the breaking point with bedtime. I have to cuddle him until he falls asleep and lately he has not been sleeping through the night (sometimes up for like 2 hours crying and acting up...which in his defense I think is teething) I have tried the super nanny technique but the kid can go more than 2 hours and I have butt loads of homework so I usually give in and lay with him. I have tried telling him he is a big boy now and big boys don't sleep with mommy...I know it's my fault cause I keep giving in and it's for my own sake and I feel guilt cause I am in school all day and every other weekend he is with his father- but what other suggestions do you ladies have?

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Maria - posted on 10/27/2010

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My daughter slept w/ me until she was about 2. I worked a lot (70hrs wk). She just wanted to be close to me whenever she could. A lot of times that was the only way we got to spend time together. When we finally moved her to her own bed(2 1/2 yrs old) she had a baby she slept w/. She picked out her own PJ's. I gave her 2 choices. We went potty, read a book and lots of hugs/kisses. I started out sitting on her bed until she fell asleep and moved to the floor next to her bed, the foot of the bed, the doorway and finally I could just leave. I stayed in each place for a few nights at a time until she got comfortable and then moved to the next. It was a lot of work but saved me so much time in the long run. But you HAVE to be consistant no matter what. That's the key.

[deleted account]

Give this a try:
Get a little reading light and take your home work with you and sit beside the bed. (After a good 5 minute snuggle or so). Tell him that Mommy has to do her school work and that you have to read it or you will be in trouble with your teacher.
Tell him you realize he wants you to be close, so you are doing your home work beside the bed so that you can do your home work AND watch him till he falls asleep.

It will either work or fail.
My husband has done it with our son and it worked. A friend of mine tried it with her daughter and it failed.
I think it may depend on the temperament of the child.

Good luck!

Riana - posted on 10/28/2010

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LOL I just knew Becky was going to be all for him sleeping with you. Got to love it. My son is 5 and still comes for his cuddles most evenings and basically every morning (and we end up being late for school most mornings!) But on the other hand I totally get how Meghan is feeling, if the kids sleep with me I end up totally exhausted and much as I love bed time cuddles it is just not always possible.

I'm sorry to say Meghan but my guess is he is playing up not while you have lots of other things going on but BECAUSE you have lots of other things going on. I agree with consistancy but must admit that I'm also a softie and manage to bend the rules with my kids, specifically for bedtime, but it is never a problem for the kids to understand that some days mommy has time and some days she doesn't. However without exception if I am stressed my kids act up. I have yet to find a solution for this so if you come up with anything please let me know.

Otherwise good luck with your finals and I'll bet once they are over J is goining to go to bed like an angel :-)

Stephanie - posted on 10/27/2010

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I go to school online at night, working on teaching licensure.



Honestly, I just feel your pain. All four of my two-year-olds slept with me. My fourth child went to his own bed at 2 1/2 because he shared a bedroom with his older two brothers, and because he was really motivated by candy (I gave him a piece in the morning for staying in bed). He's almost 4 now and he still doesn't like bedtime-- both him, and his 5 year old brother, they still need props, like a light on in the hallway and lots of rituals-- book, saying certain things, lots of kisses.



The best thing I can suggest is be patient and do whatever it takes without ruining your relationship w him... if you're going nuts from lack of sleep, then see if some bribery will help. Remember that your his most important person, and he's really still a baby. But sleep-- it's so important, for both of you.



Incidentally, I'm divorced (with 4), so I understand how frustrating single parenting is. Hang in there.



I should also say that, since I nursed him (and all of them), I thought a paci at night would help, and it did. I'm not uptight about paci use, and all my kids have super teeth. I would try using that if you think it would help.



steph

Becky - posted on 10/27/2010

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I'm going to post this and duck, cause it may not be want you're after here, but WHY exactly do big boys not sleep with mommy, and WHY do you want him to sleep alone? Elizabeth Pantley, in her no-cry books, advises us to ask ourselves these questions before we really make a committment to take on a change. If this is something you really feel in your heart you want to accomplish, then try reading her no-cry sleep solution for toddlers book, there are tips in there on how to get them to stay put and sleep through the night. If, however, this is something you feel pressured to do by family or whatever, you may want to re-evaluate.

I have to tell you that both my big boys still sleep with their mommy. Two is certainly not really a big boy ;-) Mine are 4 and 2. My 4 year old sleeps in a twin beside my bed, my 2 year old in the middle. I won't lie; sometimes I really wished I'd "trained" them to sleep on their own without ever needing me, but that really was against my heart. It would have been easier though. I fretted over it for a while..especially when my youngest was waking 4-8 times every night. He still wakes once or twice. Both need me to lay with them until they go to sleep.

Its all about perspective. I enjoy this time with them. Just me and my boys, cuddling, telling stories, giggling, and unwinding before sleep. It takes longer. It is sometimes somewhat inconvenient, but I cherish it. Soon enough, they really will be big boys, like big big. Teenagers. And they won't need as much anymore for anything. Just like J will. My suggestion is to enjoy it while it lasts Meghan! Cuddle him up! My other suggestion, if thats not what you want to hear, lol, is the no-cry sleep solution. Good luck!

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Brandy - posted on 11/07/2010

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i see nothing wrong with letting the little ones sleep in bed with parents, for us it isnt an option because im afraid jenna will get hurt, im a little violent in my sleep. but i agree that if you want him to sleep in his own room you need consistency. my 20mth old wont sleep if im in the room, she thinks its time to play so i have no choice but to just put her to bed give her kisses and close the door behind me. she does cry sometimes or she will get up and play with toys in her bed but usually she goes to sleep pretty good. i agree with an earlier post he might need his sleeping schedule adjusted. sorry i couldn't be of more help.

Dara - posted on 10/28/2010

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It's definitely all about consistency and most new routines take a couple of weeks to really get them adjusted. I've gotten lucky and both my girls are great at sleeping in their own rooms. My oldest will be 3 in January and has been in a big girl bed for nearly 6 months now and we only had a little trouble during a cold she had with her not wanting to be in her bed. I let her sleep with me for the week and it took a couple of days to get her to stay in her bed again but she was right back at it. I have a music box that plays a lullaby along with other calming sounds and a Jewel Lullaby's cd so each have some music to drown out the noises in the house and help them doze off. I've used the music box for my oldest since she was born and now my youngest is using it. It definitely seems to help. Try and pick a weekend when you can devote the time, 3 nights could make a big difference in getting things going.

Meghan - posted on 10/28/2010

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You know what's funny Becky? The nites he does sleep through the nite or when he falls asleep really easy and early I have NO idea what to do with myself!! HA! Life of a mom hey?

Becky - posted on 10/28/2010

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LOL Riana. You have me pegged, eh? :)

Well, I've never really NOT slept with mine, so I guess its hard for me to imagine that other side of things. My 2 year old *wanted* to sleep in his own bed a few weeks ago, so I let him (after putting it at the foot of my bed!) and I didn't hardly sleep a wink. The first movement he made, I scooped him up, put him back in bed beside me, and slept like an old dog. LOL!

Meghan - posted on 10/28/2010

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he goes to bed at 7:30 and he has a 1 hour nap at daycare from 1-2. And actually the past few nites he says he is tired and he is ready for cuddles in bed and it has't taken long for him to pass out (I don't think anyway cause I have fallen asleep before him...)
And no he has been doing this for MONTHS, it just wasn't a big deal because I had the time to do it, but you are right it IS more of a fight when I am stressed I guess it would be ideal if he could understand mommy needs you to go to bed by yourself tonite and we can cuddle when I don't have homework...we may be a few years off of that though hey?

[deleted account]

Curious? What time are you putting him down at night and is he still napping. I know when Roxanne gets overtired she's a hot mess at bedtime. I put her to bed before I see any yawns or whines - thought maybe that might be the problem? Once ANYONE gets overtired, falling asleep becomes a fight.

Meghan - posted on 10/27/2010

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Becky, I totally hear what you are saying and I really do enjoy the cuddles and giggles...some nites it is ok, but I can't always do that. I have to put my life on hold (and that sounds really brutal) and I am exhausted which takes away from the enjoyment for both of us. I really do try to look at it like he obviously still needs me...everything else he has been able to give up on his own when he is ready. It's just very tiring and stressful when I have midterms and finals and 3 papers due in a week...

[deleted account]

Awww, Megs - sorry you guys are having trouble. Unfortunately you have to be consistent. I know your mom used to help you. I wonder if she could put him to bed for a week until it gets sorted out. If she's consistent with him over several days it should fix the problem. Once he's going to bed without incident then you can try tucking him in again??

I dunno? Good luck!

Meghan - posted on 10/27/2010

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we usually don't want tv before bed anyway we do a story right before and he has his bear Julio..I will try that moving away from the bed thing, thanks

[deleted account]

We just figured out that tv before bedtime completely ruins it... So now the tv stays off all night. Maybe start by sitting by his bed and then moving away further every night? Maybe he can pick a comfort object like a blanket or stuffed animal?

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