Sarah - posted on 11/11/2010 ( 21 moms have responded )
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I am a disabled mother of one, married, but i am young at 23 and newly disabled with a joint condition that increased in severity during pregnancy and I am now mobility impaired and have to use a wheelchair to get about places.
My husband is fantastic,he provides me with 24/7 care as i need and he is fantastic with our baby boy, a year coming up this month. However it is much easier for my husband to remove our son when he ignores 'no' which he does act on sometimes.
However when my husband is cooking etc and I am in the living room, door closed or baby crawls out to daddy, he will bang on the doors, walls etc do things that we dont wish for him to do due to potential risk of hurting himself.
So i tell him no and sometimes he listens or when he doesnt i try and distract him with toys in my reach and sometimes that works, but when they dont, my husband cannot use that door to come back in in fear of hurting him and as a mother it can be really distressing not being able to do things you planned on doing and could do before the pregnancy, i want to be there for my son and I am there for him but i am restrained from being able to pick him up, dance with him and other things and it can be upsetting and frustrating isnt the word and i want to know about things that can be successful for people who cannot be that 'hands on'.
id like to say no or something and have him do it, i will be honest me and my husband agree on everything and can compromise as we talk through everything and when it comes to our son we make sure we are a team in regards to disciplining him and we act together, so if mam says no dad says no and neither of us have taught him otherwise, so we understand as a toddler is learning a new world and pushing boundaries, children will act out and do things like this, but the point i am trying to make and ask (sorry)
is: what can i do as a disabled mother that cannot pick my son up and move him away from the door, there are disabled mothers that are single mothers with mobility impairments etc and they can bring up children successfully, but i am newly disabled and i would like some insight in how to make sure my son is safe, listens to me and in a way where he doesnt come to any harm or distress, we disagree with smacking.
Sarah.
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I would suggest you replace that door with a gate, that way your son can see Daddy and you can roll over there and be with him too, carry on a conversation and such. my church has one like this http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp... and it makes it easy for anyone to unlock it at the top and swing it into the room/out of the way.
I explained to another mother on another group that head bumping/hitting is a new phase in our kid's development. It's not something you can stop 100% of the time. Here's what I told that mother " It's a new sensation for their brains to process and each time they do it, their motor skills and senses are increasing in power. It's totally normal and will pass the first time they actually aren't paying attention and hit too hard. "
and I also included this which will help you redirect your son:
"Make sure that any instruction, correction or redirection you give her has a low note on the end. Drop that last one down to a lower vocal range... this is a primal vocal cue that these words are important and should be obeyed.
Practice: Come here baby ~~~see how high your voice is...
Now imagine she's running out in traffic and say NOOOOOOOOO~~~see how low your voice is. These are verbal cues she already knows and will accept if you always use them. "
Our galley kitchen has a door way with a gate we can step over. To avoid stepping on E, we have taught him the word "move" It takes a few days and some accidental steps on fingers and toes till he finally accepted the instruction as vital to follow.
If the gate isn't a option maybe you and your son can sit at the table for crafting time while your husband cooks. This worked for me. My middle boys could play with moon sand, playdough, construction paper, color or paint while I cooked and they were right there at the breakfast table in the kitchen til the meal was served up and we left the kitchen for an alternate dining area. One other possibility is varying his nap time so that he's asleep when your husband is in the kitchen.
as far as your husband participating in this discussion, I suggest he join this group as well as circle of moms