Strangers butting in

Caitlin - posted on 10/14/2010 ( 16 moms have responded )




Last week I had a doctors appointment for my oldest, and I had no choice but to bring the baby with me, because my husband works night and needs to sleep. So i'm carrying the 7 month old in my arms, and my almost 2 year old is walking beside me holding my hand. We get to the second floor of the office and we are walking towards the doctors office and she decides she no longer wants to hold my hand or walk. The baby is squirmy and my arm is tired. She plunks herself down on the floor and gives me the "I'm not moving" look. I know this - it happens a lot. She fusses for a minute or two because she wants me to pick her up like the baby, then gives in and stands up on her own. This time she plunks herself down so I stop and say "You have to walk, mommy can't carry Zoe and you at the same time" and she gives me the look and starts her protesting whine. so I say "It's fine,, I can wait". So i'm standing there waiting and an older woman I don't know comes up and gives me a dirty look and then PICKS HER UP for me! Even after I said I didn't need help, she just needs a minute to calm down.

What do you do or say when people try to butt in? I wanted to whack her one upside the head and yell at her for touching my kid without my permission, but that would that show my kid? There's a reason I try my hardest to avoid spanking!


Brandy - posted on 11/07/2010




woah, i have never experience something like that thats crazy! i wouldve said "what do you think youre doing? put my child down now." gathered the kids up and walked away. she had no right and your kids should be aware of that as well.

Lisa - posted on 10/14/2010




You should have said what you thought. Politely and nicely but as if you would speak to a child since she was acting in a childish manor. I would have said exactly what you said, " You are touching my child without my permission. I am grateful that you think you need to help but mam, I have the situation well in control if you don't mind.
What that does is glorify you and your teaching methods and not only puts her in her place, nicely and politely, but lets her know that she was rude and unjust for thinking she needed to help.
Bewear, Check your temper first! Was she really being rude or was she truley trying to help. So often in this mean and nasty world it is hard to judge when a person just wants to be nice. Only you can judge because you saw her temperment and body laungauge, but just, you know, check your ego.
Does that make sense?
I hope this was encouraging to you.
Hang in there, it will likely happen again.

[deleted account]

I would have wanted to use colorful language.... but this is not something I want to teach my child either. Maybe if you say something along the lines of: "We are already dealing with the situation, thank you. If we need help we will be sure to let you know."

This is the nicest reply I can think of... I always think of how I would like my children to deal wth the situation if they were in it and I try to do it that way...


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[deleted account]

I hated it when strangers would come up and rub my belly and ask when i was due if i dnt know them i dont even ask when theyre due let alone touch their belly cos knowing me id have that awkward moment where i rub someones belly thinking they're pregnant only to realise they're just fat.I once had a lady tuck a tag in on the back of my shirt i jumped a mile in the air and got such a fright i had to go and sit down(im really skittish about strangers touching me) I explained to her in a half yell that next time just telling the person their tag was out rather than touching them...i guess it was the thought on her behalf that counted

JuLeah - posted on 10/25/2010




If you figure it out, let me know. My sister had strangers come up and rub her belly when she was expecting. One woman asked her if she was married.
At a bus stop once, I had a woman attempt to zip up my jacket because she thought it was cold.
Just last night someone I don't really know that well, patted me on the head.
I am short, so I guess folks feel it is okay to treat me like a child.
I have butted in, but I do try to get permission from the parent. Once, a mother seemed so on edge. We were in a hospital waiting room and I didn't know her story, just that she had three kids under five. I played with them, gave them stickers ....
I was trying to remember if anyone ever interfered as you wrote about ... huummm, yah, once my kid fell off a swing. She was on her back with the wind knocked out of her. I was running over, and screamed at the man that arrived before I did. He was reaching to pick her up, which was the last thing I wanted to do until I figured out how badly she was injured.
He backed off and seemed offended, but I didn't really care about his feelings, just my daughter. She was fine. She was on the ground for a few minutes and then announced that she would hold on with strong hands next time :)

Caitlin - posted on 10/19/2010




Well, I wasn't really worried about her taking off with her, considering it was an old lady (like in her 60s) but I REALLY hate people touching my kid..

I wonder if I put her in "Don't touch me" T-shirts people would think i'm paranoid!

Johnny - posted on 10/18/2010




Perhaps you should have just yelled, "kidnapper, kidnapper" really loud. She would have probably put your daughter down and disappeared really fast. No colorful language necessary.

Meghan - posted on 10/18/2010




I would have used colorful language and threatened to drop her...that is a huge safety what if she just took off with her? Plus I have a bit of a temper when it comes to people I don't know acting like douchebags. I try to watch myself when J is around but at the end of the day he knows mama has his back.

Karen - posted on 10/18/2010




When someone goes to touch my daughter I always say "you need to ask her permission before you touch her." And if they do, she pretty much always says no. Then I say "she doesn't like strangers to touch her." Duh! Do you like strangers randomly touch you!?!
As for what I would have said otherwise? I would have been so shocked and angry I don't think I'd have been very intelligent.

Dawna - posted on 10/17/2010




Perhaps it would have been wise to also tell her that your daughter has a severe allergy, and you don't want strangers to touch her because she could have a reaction. I'm sure she would have thought twice if she'd known that. And if she still did it anyway, you could have not only explained that you didn't need the help, but that she has now put your child's health at risk. I think it is fair to speak up about such allergies, since I know how very dangerous they can be.

Diana - posted on 10/17/2010




That is wrong for someone to touch your child without your permission.First tell the person nicely that you have it all in control and by giving into the child's demand is going to make it worse. If they still butt in , then tell them to butt out of your business. When it comes to touching your child you can threaten to call the cops etc for any unwanted touching.

[deleted account]

Ugh! I'm all for people offering help, you know that "it takes a village" thing, but if you already told her that the situation was under control and she had the nerve to give you a dirty look.... she would have been eating a piece of my mind! Especially because of the food allergy thing. That would just get my goat. What if she had had a reaction to something the woman had touched? How awful to think of that! "Are you happy you hurt my child to prove a point to me, bitch?"

Some people!

Kate - posted on 10/15/2010




I think it would have been totally your right to say something like

"I appreciate that you are trying to help, but as I said, I do have the situation under control, and I would like you to put my child down".

(what I'd like to say though.. is "...but I would like you to keep your hands off my child!"

How totally rude! It's amazing how some people think they have the right to do that! without asking you!

Caitlin - posted on 10/15/2010




Oh what really bugged me is I TOLD her I had it under control and I didn't need her help and she STILL did it, while giving me a dirty look. Hence the wanting to whack her upside the head.

I have a problem with people touching her anywyas because of her severe food allergies, I don't know if they have any residues on their hands. After the time some old woman thought she was cute and did the cheek pinchy thing right after eating in the food court and my girl getting a face full of hives i've been leary of any strangers touching.

[deleted account]

i would of told her very politely to please f off and mind her own effing business...without the colourful language and the next time she touched my child i would have her for attempted abduction

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