Can you forgive a cheating partner?

Especially when you're parenting, you need your partner to be a reliable and steady presence. So when infidelity enters the picture, it can rock your whole world. Can you forgive cheating?

40  Answers

1 24

I absolutely can and have. For better or worse....that's one of the worse. I married a falible human being and as soon as we think our marriages are above someone making monumental mistakes we set ourselves up for disaster that is sure to strike.
Can I do it under my own power? Absolutely not. It is only by the grace of God, admitting there is a problem, getting some help and loving support of family and friends that a marriage heals from infidelity.
I remember my mother saying, "You can and will get through this. You are right, your marriage will never be the same. But have you ever considered it just might be better?"
And she was totally right. Infidelity doesn't happen in a vaccuum....it is the last straw that broke the proverbial camel's back. There's always something that lead up to it. It's a symptom of the problem....not the whole problem.
When we allowed ourselves to take a good honest look at ourselves and our marriage, God replaced the shambles with a mansion that I am grateful for each and every day. Leaving would have solved nothing but drag my pain somewhere else.

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2 2

Amen...I know it is ONLY by the grace of God that our marriage has survived our 1 trespass each and is stronger and more loving for it. Are you on FB? You sound like someone I would like. :-)

1 24

I am, Pam.....and thank you. Good to hear the success of your trials.

1 24

I am reading a lot of comments about feeling like an unfaithful partner is an indication of that person's love/lack of love for the injured party. But what a lot of people are failing to realize is that cheating most often has absolutely NOTHING to do with the other spouse and EVERYTHING to do with battles being waged withing the partner struggling with this shortcoming. It's about the one who cheated.....not about the one who was hurt. I know that reality itself can only hurt more. But it more often than not has nothing to do with you. What DOES have to do with you is work you have to do on yourself.....not the cheating spouse.

0 18

But,the marriage vows also state,to stay with that partner ONLY!

0 59

That is so awesome!!!!! :)

0 19

It happened to me this year, I forgave him and the trust is coming back, slowly but surely. The one problem I do have is I feel like he came "back" because I am familiar not because he really wants me... anyone else feel like this?

0 0

Hello Kelly, You are such an inspiration. Thank you.

0 24

Amen!!! I agree totally! We have been carried through the storms of infidelity, and addictions. We are stonger, it is not to say we won't have other hurdles in this life. But we have the confidence to know we are not alone, more couples need to reach out to other couples and let them walk along through the storm. Don't give up!! You are so right it has NOTHING to do with the other spouse, it is brokenness among the other spouse that chases them to stray. But forgiveness can be found!! Your spouse is a goodwilled person!!

0 0

I absolutely am with you gals. You have to put it in Gods hands and trust that His plan for us is greater than we know. And when you are married in the eyes of God for better or worse, you must forgive and help your spouse by encouraging Church and Gods will and if you believe it will get better.

0 16

We are all imperfect humans. My husband and I have been through the ringer! And though it's not easy to forgive, you must. And I agree that it was only with the help of God that we were able to make it through what we've been through. Our marriage is stronger and we are more in love now than we were when we got married 10 years ago. I realize and he realizes how blessed we are to have one another. The Devil lives to steal, kill and destroy your marriage do don't let him win!! Good luck to you all! And may God love flood your marriages!! :)

0 18

Kelly that is awesome to hear and truly inspirational. There were battles in my marriage similar and while it was one-sided, it takes two to get to that point and two to work through it. Sadly my hubby hasnt yet realised that we all have our own demons to face so the depth I can hear in your marriage is still a work in progress in mine. Well done for aiming for forgiveness because then you are free. Isnt it worth the hard work ladies? We are all overcoming something in our lives/marriages, its the brave who face it. Congratulations to all of us

0 0

Forgiveness is not for the person receiving but the person giving. Even if this is an offense that ends your marriage, you have to forgive for your sake… carrying around bitterness will only hurt you. As far as my opinion… I am all for forgiving and trusting again. I married for better or worse, and for my own mental health (and much counseling) I have forgiven and chose to trust again!

12 18

Your talking about the marriage vows "for better or worse" but how about that vow that says "i promise to be faithful...." and "to love, honor, and cherish.." sorry but you ladies are crazy to forgive an unfaithful husband, and men would be crazy to forgive an unfaithful wife... I would never forgive and never forget and that love I have would turn to hatred... Forgiving them is like an open pass to hurt you again.. Haven't you ever heard the saying "fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me." if you guys get hurt again you'll be faced with the choice of just opening your marriage so he or she can sleep with whoever he wants or you will look at him or her as a liar. Once a cheater, ALWAYS a cheater. There is no excuse for it.

0 39

I'm glad that you found it best to stay with your husband since you realized that you actually had a problem. Unfortunately some people have an understanding with themselves that it's ok to cheat on their partner, maybe even a learned pattern. Still I'm pleased to know that since the mariage is holy, it also give you the possibility to leave your husband or wife if cheated on. You don't break the mariage, he or she did.

0 6

Kelly...yeah for you and your spouse! Awesome way to turn it around...and focus on building each other up instead of breaking each other down. Awesome example of a great marriage.

1 12

I can and have been through it as well, it did not turn out better by any means, A year later and I am still having trust issues with him. Yes this is my own problem that I have to overcome if I want this 20 year marriage to work, but it is way harder than I ever thought it would be and the WORST thing I have been through. My spouse did blame it on me, but what he failed to realize was he was looking at past loves and thinking the grass was greener and it was NOT. I would not wish it on anyone. I pray every day for God to help me forget and move on.

0 0

im a firm beleiver in if you LOVE your partner there is absolutely nothing you CANT work out ... we are ALL HUMAN and everyone makes mistakes, if your partner had the courage to tell you about the affair take in concideration that was probally harder to tell you about the affair then it was to have the affair, the easy way out is to give up, quit, and walk out ... i myself have had to deal with infidelity after 6 yrs of being married and a 3yr old boy, it felt like a complete fool, betrayed, unattractive, and had no self esteem left like i was not good enough for him, i filed for divorce served him papers ... but YOU CANT HELP WHO YOUR HEART LOVES ... and its eaiser to forgive then it is to forget, it took a long time to be able to trust him again and learned communication is very important in marrige, also realizing it was an act that took place with out thinking about hurting the ones he loved most and that were the most important to him, I realize it was an impulsive selfish act ... we will be celibrating our 12 yr anniversary in april and have made an addition to our family after 2 and a half yrs of his infidelity, our 1st son is now going on 9 yrs old and the youngest son just turned 3 yrs old ... our marrige has become stronger since and cant imagine starting life over with someone new and being a single parent.... my husband is my best friend, soulmate, one and only true love ... but you have to do what works best for you even if it takes time to think about what path you take next you just want to be sure your 100% satisfied with what ever decision you make

0 8

I totally disagree with almost everything you said. Men or women don't always cheat because there is a problem in the marriage. Especailly men cheat for all different reasons and sometimes they cheat just because they can. I agree that humans aren't perfect and they will fail you from time to time. But you shouldn't be so quick to excuse what he did. This is why so many men cheat because we just excuse it as they're just men that are being men. And as far as using god in the this scenario, was he thinking of god when he cheated on you? Where was god when he was making the decision to cheat, but yet you say god helped you to forgive. If you want to forgive and work things out with your husband that's your choice. I just don't think you should be so quick to excuse it and to bring god into it.

1 14

Add a commentTo Kelly, Kathy, Pam and all the others out there who have fought to keep your relationships together after something like that...THANK YOU.. I too was one who said I would never forgive cheating but YES until you are in the situation you truly never know how you will deal with it. I am fighting to keep my family together and am taking it day by day. It has been only a few weeks since he left the home but after taking a close look at myself realize that there were issues that lead us here. After 10 years I still love him and believe that he is worth the fight, as is my family. So again thank you for sharing your stories and helping me see that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

1 24

Wow...I first want to thank everyone for their responses, both pro and con, for what I wrote. It takes a lot of courage to be honest about your experiences and feelings on such a touchy subject. I do want to clarify a couple of things in response to those who said I "easily" forgave or forgot what happened in my marriage. None of it was easy and healing only began through rivers of tears, hours of prayer and the willingness to submit to wound-cleaning counseling. And when I said that cheating was a "symptom" of a larger problem, I didn't indicate what that was, since for each person it's different. It may be a marital problem or a problem within that person that has been stewing a lifetime. As for why I "needed to bring God into it", for ME there was not choice. If I wished to heal, with our without my husband, I needed the help of God. I would be incredibly errogant to believe I could do it on my own. I didn't create this problem on my own and I was surely never going to make it out alone....nor did I wish to try. I welcome the help of my Higher Power and the comfort He alone can provide. And I do absolutely believe that without God our marriage would have been over. Maybe we would have made it a few more years, but eventually it would have continued to crumble until there was nothing left. For those who believe living in hatred is their only viable option, that makes me sad. I just couldn't live like that. "Anger is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die." This completely self-destructive option just wasn't one I wanted to choose for myself and my children. There is no way any of this can NOT change a person. But MY options were better or bitter. I chose to let it make me better. And lastly, I totally understand this is not something that will ever be forgotten. I just chose to embrace the suck. As our wound healed it became like a scar or broken bone that is stronger for the injury. I am also a cancer survivor and know I will never be the same for that experience. But I will always be stronger and better for having weathered the storm. God has never given me anything unless he was willing to walk through it with me. Where was God when the infidelity happened (some of you have asked)? Right there with me, arm around my shoulder, willing to dry my tears. He wasn't condoning my husband's behavior. He wasn't responsible for it. He gave people free will. But He also gave us unconditional love when we have abused that free will. Condemn the sin, love the sinner....it's a tall order that not everyone is willing to take on. None of us can judge how someone else travels this journey. This story and experience is only mine. But it is experience that I now may use to choose to share with others who are struggling with feeling alone and like there is no alternative but to leave. There are other options.....just not easy solutions. If I had left I would have only learned to leave. Choosing to stay is the hardest thing I've ever done. But, as i sit today and look at my family, our beautiful adopted children who have found security in this forever family, I know MY choice was not only best for me....there are nine people today who will forever benefit from all the hard work.

0 0

I agree it is had but if you live him you will forgive him with God's help. Remember we said for better or worse till death do us part. That is one of the worst part.

1 17

Kelly, I completely agree! My husband cheated on me not just once with one woman, but multiple times with at least six women. I always suspected but until it was 'in my face' I did nothing. We have been separated for almost a year now and we are better friends now then ever before. I know that he did not cheat on me to hurt me or our marriage, it was not intentional nor caused by something I did or failed to do. He had his own issues he was struggling with and I hope someday he figures them out but for now, we are better off apart.

5 10

Kelly, Thank you for your story and faith. I too am learning to heal from an infidelity. It has definitely been one of the hardest two years of our marriage. I had never met the other woman, although I did talk to her on the phone a few times (she called me at work to tell me after my husband said they couldn't be friends any longer). I know that the first year was the roughest of our time together. I did a lot of praying and soul searching to be able to forgive, but as you said forgiveness is for the forgiver not the forgiven. Thank you for so eloquiently describing where God was in all of your/our struggles. I honestly believe without His guidance and support there is no way I would still be married. I dearly love my husband and am glad we have been able to work through/ past these struggles. To Maureen I am sorry you feel that by working past the infidelity we are weak, but please do not judge us. It has been much harder and a much longer road to work on our marriage and create a place of trust again than it would have been to just walk away and leave. Although it may have been easier it was not the better road for us. I have left an unfaithful partner before, but we were not willing to give it to God and ask for help. For that relationship walking was better and I thought I would never forgive again. Forgiveness is the ability to know that you were wronged and yet not hold a grudge. Forgetting is pretending it never happened. I have let go of the hurt and anger, but even though I have let go, my mind knows that it happened. In that regard I am sure it will never happen again. Not because I remember, but because my husband remembers and knows the anger, hurt, anguish and betrayal I felt due to his actions. Kelly thank you from the bottom of my heart for your heart felt story and input. Thank you for your bravery in letting us all in on your "secret" pain and anguish.

1 24

Thank you, Deb. That means a lot. I wanted to touch on something you mentioned. There are plenty of people who believe a spouse who stays is "weak" and lacks the courage to leave. I too have left a relationship in the past. Until now I knew how to leave....I just didn't know how to STAY. Staying was the hard part. I had plenty of reasons to leave. I had to search for the reasons and th courage to stay. I had to ask for the courage to stay from a power much greater than myself. I don't have that courage on my own. I wanted to run and not look back. But reality is, as I know from when I left a relationship in the past, just because you leave doesn't mean you ever stop looking back. I look back with regret for how I quit. Now, I am very grateful for where God has brought me since that day I left a former relationship and the lessons I learned in my journey. And we all talk a lot about how or if we can move on from what our spouse/partner did in their act of infidelity. But reality is they are the ones who struggle the most to move on. Guilt is something very difficult to shed. I remember the day my husband walked into the house, YEARS after we had reconciled, tears filled his eyes as he said, "It hit me today that I never really even could comprehend what love was until you...until you forgave me....until you stayed and fought for me, for us. I never loved before. You taught me what that was." My husband now says he could never cheat again BECAUSE of what happened to HIM when I stayed. It took a long time for him to feel like he even deserved for me to stay. My job as a wife was not just to help rebuild my marriage or myself...but to help put back together my husband. I love my husband dearly. I may say I love him more and far differently now than I ever did before. The reasons he cheated had everything to do with how broken he was, and because of love that touched my heart deeply. I don't want to see someone I love hurt like that. If what led to the infidelity is not healed, yes it will happen again. But the healing can create a scar far stronger than where the wound ever existed. I trust my husband now like I never did before, partly because I know I'm not the one in control. I never was. My illusion of control only contributes to my ego needing to be kept in check. When God is at the helm of our ship, rough seas can be charted and I know our marriage is safe.

1 0

Maureen hit the nail on the head CHEATING is a deal breaker! Why should I suffer for someone else's CHOICE (it's not a MISTAKE) we all have urges, fantasies, should we act upon them KNOWINGLY it would jeopardize the marriage. To me, if a person (in a committed relationship) makes a choice to CHEAT then they just made a CHOICE on my behalf to ACCEPT THEIR choice. The CHEATER should confront their spouse/partner with their anticipated CHOICE / insecurities, then you can make a CHOICE to accept the situation or not. Choices are by DESIGN not by MISTAKES! The relationship would NEVER be the same. I forewarned my husband if you ever cheat, don't believe me that I would forgive you, becaue the first time I put myself in the situation to do the same I will, just so YOU KNOW HOW IT FEELS. Therefor, he is very aware of the consequences, no counseling needed here! Hats off to those who CHOOSE to accept it :-)!

21 19

@Kelly Ratai God bless I am reading your words of wisdom and it is comforting to my heart.

0 0

Kelly has low self-esteem.

1 0

Still trying to forgive my husband for cheating. It has been 5 years. Not looking good.

0 5

My husband cheated on me for about 8 years. I gave him chances asked him to please stop all I got was yes ill stop talking to her , but then later to find out he never did . I come to realize that he was never sorry for what he did. There was no remorse. I do believe you can heal a marriage after an affair, but both partners must be willing to do the work to heal the marriage. Not make promises to work on it then go behind your back and tell white lies. For those who had spouces that made a mistake but were truly remorseful you are very blessed because I believe you are the true few in this world that no through thick or thin there is more than just giving up. IM no longer with my husband. Iam ok but my poor youngest daughter is suffering and angry , I'm hoping someday she will understand why.....but to answer the question you can forgive your spouse but two have to be willing to deal with the after effects of damage that has been done and that can take years to heal

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I am pregnant and my husband is considering a divorce and fatherhood. He left our home a week ago. Can you please help me? I need him to come back and be my husband and father to our son until i finally met Dr. Odion who help me to cast a spell that brought my husband back to us within 24hours you can also reach him via odionspelltemple@gmail.com or you can reach via WhatsApp or call him via +2348056932230

3 0

It is by the grace of God and only because of God that my marriage has survived my husbands porn addiction and by the Lords strong conviction and forgiveness my husband has repented and changed his ways. Had it not been for Christ being input lives we would have divorced long ago

0 0

I love your post Kelly. It really is what I needed right now.

1 0

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25 0

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0 0

Started a few years ago. I thought we were happy. We were your usual suburban professional couple. Financially secure, healthy, good sex life, two kids (14f and 9m at the time). I thought we had a healthy social life. We were going through one of your typical married couple rough patches. Both of us were working long hours, not spending enough time together, we were going through some developmental problems with my son and tensions in the house were running a little high. I noticed that she was spending a lot more time on her phone texting with her "girlfriends". I didn't think much of it. I started making a much more concerted effort to get out of work when I could, help around the house and be more emotionally available, but over the course of a few weeks the gulf just kept getting wider. The next day after I took the day off to knock out some projects that I thought would make her happy, and left her some sweet notes reminding her how much I appreciated her she was once again in the corner of the living room "texting her girlfriends". I decided to embark on finding out what was going on and i was reffered to by my old friend to a white hat who literally made me end the whole union but made me move on with my life! I obtained the results from the hacker and all of my flaws, insecurities and secrets I entrusted to my partner were now fodder for her and JBC(her affair partner). Not only that, but while there wasn't outright sexting there was a sexual I took off the next day and spent some time soul searching, drinking and trying to figure out what to do. The wife came home and wanted to know what was wrong and I just coped out and told her I had a bad day. A couple minutes later I was watching the iPad as the train wreck kept unfolding. So began a couple solid weeks of receiving screenshots and results, drinking and detaching myself from the relationship. I knew there was no going back from this. I consulted a lawyer and got my options, and started moving forward. If my life story seems similar to yours i advice you take actions and contact her for a positive life changing experience: Contact:Cleopatra11011AToutlookDOTcom

0 0

Started a few years ago. I thought we were happy. We were your usual suburban professional couple. Financially secure, healthy, good sex life, two kids (14f and 9m at the time). I thought we had a healthy social life. We were going through one of your typical married couple rough patches. Both of us were working long hours, not spending enough time together, we were going through some developmental problems with my son and tensions in the house were running a little high. I noticed that she was spending a lot more time on her phone texting with her "girlfriends". I didn't think much of it. I started making a much more concerted effort to get out of work when I could, help around the house and be more emotionally available, but over the course of a few weeks the gulf just kept getting wider. The next day after I took the day off to knock out some projects that I thought would make her happy, and left her some sweet notes reminding her how much I appreciated her she was once again in the corner of the living room "texting her girlfriends". I decided to embark on finding out what was going on and i was reffered to by my old friend to a white hat who literally made me end the whole union but made me move on with my life! I obtained the results from the hacker and all of my flaws, insecurities and secrets I entrusted to my partner were now fodder for her and JBC(her affair partner). Not only that, but while there wasn't outright sexting there was a sexual I took off the next day and spent some time soul searching, drinking and trying to figure out what to do. The wife came home and wanted to know what was wrong and I just coped out and told her I had a bad day. A couple minutes later I was watching the iPad as the train wreck kept unfolding. So began a couple solid weeks of receiving screenshots and results, drinking and detaching myself from the relationship. I knew there was no going back from this. I consulted a lawyer and got my options, and started moving forward. If my life story seems similar to yours i advice you take actions and contact her for a positive life changing experience: Contact:Cleopatra11011AToutlookDOTcom

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5 0

Not now, not ever. That is the ultimate betrayal in my eyes. I went through this and there is no way I could ever forgive him. I could never trust him again and would have spent my life in a stressed state and looking over my shoulder. I didn't want to worry if he was going to the grocery store or going to see someone. Was he really stuck in traffic? Did he really have to work late? And so on. No one should live like that. Don't blame yourself. The most beautiful women in the world have been cheated on. Those who forgive the man and those men who forgive their women, are weak and afraid in my opinion. It take a lot of guts to face the world alone, but it is far better then living with a cheater. The years I was alone I learned to take care of my own child and life. I worked hard and scrimped and cut corners. My child and I survived. While becoming involved with her school, I met the most wonderful man in the world, to whom I am now married. He was cheated on too. We both know that there is no way we would ever put someone through that kind of pain.
Don't settle, don't put up with being the second choice, make yourself number one and stand on your own two feet. You will be far better and stronger for it. They will only do it again. ONce a cheater, always a cheater.

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10 17

LOVE YOUR COMMENT AND YOU HIT IT RIGHT ON THE HEAD.

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Maureen, I respect your opinion of what you would do in this situation, , but plase do not call me, my husband, or other, who have forgiven and moved on weak. This is only the bqrest snippet of the situation...I could write a book with all the details, the struggles, the reasons, the path into and out of adultery, and even that would not give the whole picture. "Once a cheater, always a cheater" is not true, and it takes tremendous guts and strength to make it work after, too. I was readyto sign on the dotted line to end things, in fact couldn't wait to be free. We separated for several months, and it took counselling and hard work. I did not want to consider, before I kicked him out, the merest possibility of reconciliation. Circumstances happened, the work began, and it was no overnight fix, or "welcom back". So please, before you judge those of us who are weak in yur estimation, keep in kind that you don't know anywhere near the whole story or unique circimstances i that situation. You now know the barest fraction more about my personal story...this still isn't even the tip of the iceberg.

5 0

That is just my opinion, but I should have added that what I find unforgivable others, may not. If a couple can regain the trust to put the relationship back together again then they ma be stronger for it, but I do believe that this is a rare occurance that it actually works. I think it is just one person deluding themselves into a false sense of security. Men I have met that have cheated, just about always do it again, as do some of the women. They are just more secretive about it.. I think it would take a lot of counseling for a couple to be "ok" again. There is the occasional "mistake." but I have never had a "mistake" in someone else's bed that I wasn't fully aware of what was happening. Seek counseling for both parties and maybe it can work.

32 8

I'm not so sure there's a black and white here. There are going to be cases where someone was just plain dishonest and underhanded about the whole thing where a partner should move on. But there are many variations on what contributes to or ultimately causes infidelity. I actually know more than one couple with varying stories of infidelity - from sloppy, drunken office party "mistakes" to sustained deceit - that have successfully recovered from their situations. It always seemed to take a conscious decision and a lot of work to put things back together, but they did all make it out. I hope for the sake of people who hold a harsh line that they will never find themselves in the position where they succumb to a temptation and have to live with themselves as well as the impact of a poor decision.

2 2

Thanks, Maureen, I appreciate that, and you can bet your bottom dollar if it happened again the end might not be the same!! I was jyst kinda offended that you called me weak and a coward.

0 18

Maureen,I totally agree with you!

0 23

I hear you on this one. I too have moved on after divorce. I thought I could forgive/forget, but as years passed by, I fell "out of love" with him and he once more cheated before I realized that I was done. It took the second time to figure out that deserve better. I too am now with someone that was cheated on and we both know what it feels like and we don't want to put the other through that hurt and disgust. We've known each other since 4th grade, and it was the right time for both of us and it's like our paths were meant to cross again..and I've been so happy and my kids have stayed by my side through the move from their home state cause the cheater made all these promises if we moved out of state, and they have stuck by me through the divorce and now say that I seem happier with my man now than they ever remember me being with their dad. Sad thing is, they remember when he cheated the first time, and now know he's a repeat offender.

0 9

I am 100% with you I have divorced for the same reason I know that ea case is very personal but I have to say I survive with 2 kids with they are adults now and have to say responsable ones toom, I was very involve in everything involving there lives. But what you should never ever do is settle,. I am # one and you should be also, never b afraid to be on your own many woman do it and we have survive and have a great life.

0 11

I'm right there with u Maureen. Once a cheat always a cheat. My father cheated on my mother so many times as I was growing up I never understood why she stayed. I think seeing it time & time again I know I could never forgive. It has happened to me & I left as quickly as I could. I support u all the way...

0 17

Maureen without the partner acknowledging the betrayal and seeking counseling and recovery, I completely agree with you, but if a partner does seek help and commits to fidelity couples can survive

0 0

I agree with your complete comment 110%. I could never forgive my husband if he cheated on me...never. I also agree with you in a sense that ppl are weak and afraid if they stay. There are some people who can forgive and forget and move on but there are other's who are too afraid to live alone, afaid of the comments or attention it may bring, or if children are involved are afraid to be a single parent. There is a subconsious reason,,,to me,,,why a partner would look another person and sleep with them. There is no excuse they did what they did and there is no going back. Like you, I don't want to know why he is late, who is he texting or emailing, did his hours at work really change? The moment those questions enter a person's mind,,,to me ,,, that's when it's over. no trust no marriage.

0 10

I agree with Maureen that once someone cheats on you they can NOT be trusted again.And that you DO feel like you always have to wonder what they're doing. I've lived that kind of life and I've forgiven and it has only made me stress more.Which in turn can also cause more stress for the kids and that's not healthy...for ANYONE. Now I live with the most wonderful man for me and he has NEVER cheated (nor will he ever,in my opinion). He says it's too much work to cheat,to cover up your lies repeatedly.He also says that he loves me and his family too much to EVER hurt us. His actions state the same. And BECAUSE of him, if ever I am in a situation like that again I know that I am worth TOO Much to allow it to even POSSIBLY happen. I love and respect not only myself but my children as well TOO MUCH to EVER allow it to happen again. As for the ones that do forgive,I feel that they (we) are and have been strong just for simply even TRYING to trust them again and for even TRYING to FORGIVE such an unforgivable action. Those are the people that love their families just as much that want to TRY to work on it. I'm babbling LOL. I'm sorry,all I'm trying to say is that I respect and admire BOTH ends of the spectrum. Thank you.Good luck to those who can forgive and those who cannot.

0 14

i agree maureen people who cheat always cheat they just hide it away! its rare that situations work where you take a cheater back, i suppose there are instances but i wouldnt be able to as the trust would be gone and i wouldnt be able to sleep with him again. i guess it also makes a difference if it was once off or for months and months ....

5 0

Some people can, perhaps, forgive this betrayal, but if someone were to seek my advice on this matter, I would help them pack and get away. After I divorced my cheating husband, he quickly remarried and guess what....he cheated on her. I helped her pack, too. Perhaps with a ton of counseling and therapy a marriage could be saved, but at what expense? Your pride, self respect, and trust are shot out the window. Marriage is a path best walked hand in hand and side by side, not glancing over your shoulder to see what is going on behind you. Staying together for the children only teaches them that the cheater has control over the loyal partner. Thus making one sex seem weaker then the other. Respect yourself and find a partner you can respect in return. Someone who is worthy of your love.

6 0

I totally agree w/ Maureen! I'd say about 9/10 of the cheaters whom I PERSONALLY know have been repeat offenders! MOST of the time, the problem lies with the cheating spouse, NOT w/ the person being cheated on. As a certified legal assistant, and having worked in the legal field since Feb. 1999, VIRTUALLY EVERY divorce was due to cheating. Several of these couples actually do the counseling, the whole, I'll never do that again spill. SOME of those (mostly) women were trusting enough tha they decided to 'give it another chance'. Of those couples TRYING to make it work, there's not one that I can think of off the top of my head that they actually stayed together. Know why? The cheating spouse did it again...and there are NO excuses for cheating...IDC how drunk a person gets at an 'office party'...where the spouse? WHY was the sopuse not there? If I person can't control themselves when they drink, then they ought not drink at all! There is NO excuse for cheating. Women, (and men) do NOT allow your spouse to cheat. Yes, do forgive, but do not 'cave' and let them 'get away w/ it' or whatever the proper phrase would be. You cannot tell me that if your spouse cheated and assuming you forgave him & continued on w/ your marriage, that you are not wondering all the time if he is telling you the truth...if you say you can, then you are being dishonest w/ yourself. Yes, there are the RARE occassions when it was a one-time thing, but those are few and far between! In those instances, it's usually the woman who cheated, btw, not the man.

0 18

I would link verbal/financial/emotional abuse at the same level as infidelity. Isnt it all another sign of the distance between two people? Fear of rejection, abandonment or not being worthy of love. It all comes up in a marriage or serious relationship. Relationships are the hardest thing to get out of, therefore one of our biggest challenges, and our reactions to our partner shows us where we need to face our demons. I didnt forgive to say anything was ok, I forgave to show I was worthy of loving myself and that person was me. If I cant forgive myself then I certainly wont forgive others.

0 7

I am with Pam..I an my spouse have been married going on ten years now, and we both had our share of adultry against each other..there was a lot of things that let up to it for the both of us. We seperated for a bit and it was verry heart breaking for the both of us..We are back together. And for us it was a big eye opener our break up forced us to see a bigger picture that was wrong with our marrige then just cheating but everything that lead up to our cheating and being unhappy enough to do so..It is taken alot and we have come along way..We both will always have it in the back of our heads what we did an what was done. But now we are verry open about everything..every lil feeling no matter how big or small is put out there on the table and we get through it together and have come out stronger an more in love then ever..The once a cheater always a cheater is not always a true statment..I have been down the road of forgiving a cheater to be cheated on again so I can see where the statment comes from..I said I would never go through that again, then I found myself on the recieving and giving end.. For me both sides of it was really heart breaking..Now its time for me and my husband to heal, Just thankfull we are doing the healing together.

0 24

After being forgiven once, there is no reason to NOT do it again, he can just gain forgiveness again, and again. Should he get caught again, big if cause he'll be more careful next time, he'll just beg forgiveness. It is similiar to a physically abusive cycle. You have to choose to be a victim in this scenario, and its a shame that some women can feel so low about themselves.

12 18

Maureen, I wish I could like you comment a million times. Every thing I was thinking was right there as if I would have written the statement myself, other than some of the personal details. I'm glad you found a good man to be by your side- happiness is what we all live for. And you should never settle for less than you deserve. My husband has never cheated on me (he says it would require way too much effort) and I'm more than he can handle (if ya get what I mean) but I have been cheated on before. Although I wasn't in love with the guy who cheated on me I felt betrayed that he could have exposed me to an STD and my pride was damaged. Forgiveness has never been a strong area of mine, but if I was tested in the area of forgetting I would get a rock solid, big fat F. I remember EVERYTHING and in such vivid detail that I couldnt even fathom staying with a cheater. When my husband was deployed the first time, he started to not trust me and he thought I was cheating. As a result, he started talking to his ex-gf about him thinking I was cheating and all this crap via email. Shortly after he got home, I found the emails. None of them implicating him cheating, and knew he didn't, but I felt betrayed by it all. He felt so bad and guilty that he had caused me so much pain and vowed to never do it again. I forgave him and only bc he had not cheated, but if he had, I would have ran to the courthouse so fast to file those papers. I won't stand for that crap.

0 6

very well said...

0 1

I am sorry to hear that so many women have gone through such a hurtful thing - cheating. However, I have cheated and I have been cheated on; it was just as painful on either end. Just remember ladies... one day ALL of us will be in a position where we will want to be forgiven and if you are not FORGIVING you may not be FORGIVEN.

0 0

Personal opinion here...once a cheater always a cheater. I didn't believe it when He had his first affair in 1990. I crucified myself, blamed myself and forgave him. Years later I was put into shock to find out that he wasn't at work, wasn't at physical therapy, wasn't on job interviews...no he was with his girl friends same age as his own daughter! (sick btw) the last ten years I was married &trying to make everything work, going to church, pastor, counseling while he told me it was all me not him. 4 girlfriends under 25.....20+ call girls all revealed in the day after he walked out on us. Honestly we are so much better off. I have two cars, my house, may bills paid, my credit rating restored But most of all my self respect. My kids are happy that he is out of their lives and it has been 3 years. I tried staying, praying working & it was hard staying with a man who obviously had no love for me or our marriage. Taking care of this house, raising my kids alone, while he doesn't pay child support has been much harder but so much more at peace. God has seen us through & I know there is a man out there for me who will love & respect me and value me enough not to whore around with some tramp. I deserve better and trust God will and already does take care of me & my family.

0 0

right so instead of having a marriage that needed work, he gave up and you gave up and your child survived instead of perhaps thriving. People think marriage is some dream filled romance when in fact it isnt but a lot of work, I think what most people are saying is that if both parties are fully comitted to making it work it does and if not, someone usually cheats, it is still wrong but raising kids with separated parents is never ideal

0 39

You are all so right when you say "I could never trust him again and would have spent my life in a stressed state and looking over my shoulder." Would it be worth it? I don't think so either. Once a cheater always a cheater.

0 27

Maureen...........That was the BEST answer. I totally agree!

0 12

I'm with you Pam. I always swore that if a man cheated on me then he would be gone!! That was until it happened to me. A full blown affair didn't happen - and yes I would have found the idea of him being in love with someone else a lot harder to cope with. His was purely a physical act - which was still devastating and in no way am I defending him - infact I punished him for a very very long time. I personally think it takes a very strong person and couple to make it through cheating and in my opinion not weak. I find that quite insulting. That may be your opinion - but its actually quite rude. I have been through this and I am by no means weak in the slightest nor deluded. WTF?? It has been a very very hard road to make it work again between us - but it has - and we are so much stronger because of it. More so then a lot of couple I know that have never had to go through any sort of hardship. We still have our arguments and dramas as any other couple does in life but nothing can be worse then what we went through. Once a cheater always a cheater is a false statement as well and rather narrow minded. To be honest men are men and are pretty weak when it comes to sex - and statistics have actually shown that 70% of men will cheat on the love of their life - in our experience it had absolutely nothing to do with our relationship but with his own internal issues that counselling has now sorted. I'm glad that you have sorted your life and moved on and are happy again. Great for you and your child. But I am also happy knowing that my children are happy and growing up with their father around every morning and night because we had the balls to try to make it work. Mistakes happen in life - as messed up as it is - we are all only human. 9 years and two children later and there is nothing will ever get in our way again.

0 22

I guess since we are placing labels on people who choose to work it out, sha'll I label you as you never love your ex and your a selfish person to rip your child out of her home becuase you couldn't handle it? I don't think so.... I don't kow your particular situation, nor do you know mine and I find it offensive you would lable me as "weak", especially since you don't even know me.

0 0

I totally agree with Maureen! And I am a very good example of what she said. Actually cheating on is not a mistake, or if it is it doesn't last years and years, right? Being separated from my husband, I am in a long-lasting relationship with a married man. A few months ago he got caught by his wife and we decided to slow down because he can't afford a possible divorce and I do not want to force him to a decision he is not ready for. BUT during all the months he was trying to restore the trust and to calm her wife down, to make her think he did a huge mistake and so on, we kept seeing each other and emailing. As Maureen is saying he has just became more secretive about it. As for the saying "once a cheater, always a cheater", I am afraid I can only confirm this. The men I am still dating has always cheated on his wife and he will always do it. But obviously she is ok to be treated like that.

0 0

Actually most of them say that it was JUST a sex affair with no feelings involved but honestly if you believe it it means that you're all really naive. I am not saying of course that there are no cases where it could be only sex but in any situation where two people are together for years, I can reassure you that it's not only sex although my lover kept repeating to his wife that this was just a sex.....Wake up women!!!!! And face the truth, they have cheated on you because they wanted it, they needed it, they were looking for it not because they did a mistake! !

0 6

Ana, it is really sad if you believe your affair is about more than just sex...if this married man wanted more from you...then he would be with you! I was married to my son's father who cheated on me repeatly, so we divorced and then I remarried a man who had also been cheated on during his first marriage so he knew how it felt and like the earlier comments I was sure he would NEVER do that to me. But guess what a so-called friend of mine approached him at a bar when I was out of town and they had a one night stand. I could tell something was different the minute I came home and he admitted everything within a few days. I also kicked him out of our home for several weeks and starting to go to counseling on my own, he followed my lead and started going for himself to figure out why he crossed the line we had clearly marked in the sand. After months of therapy and the desire to make our marriage work we are still together four years later...we were married seven years when the affair happened. The statement "your marriage will never be the same after an affair" is so true...it can be better, mine is so much better. It was a long road to where we are today. It was difficult to learn to trust him again but he knew he had to be an open book until I was comfortable...so he called me and let me know anytime something out of the ordinary was happening. My therapist also made it very clear that all adults are capable of cheating, so before you throw stones at the rest of us remember: you NEVER thought you would be cheated on the first time either...did you????

0 6

This is a sad way to live. It sounds like you have been hurt a lot. There are good people in the world...I hope you find some.

0 0

i dunno what to say about that. a few months before i got married my husband cheated through the internet. i forgave him and went through with the wedding anyway. i still find it sohard to forget and am more insecure than ever but i love him and we have two children together and when people say once a cheat always a cheat it really scares me because i still find trust a huge issue.

1 16

Having been thru this unfortunate life changing event, I would have to say staying is much harder then leaving. Looking at my husbands face and seeing hers, laying in bed and wondering if he's dreaming of her. That's so hard. But you can make it work If you BOTH want too. Good luck!

3 9

i have the same opinion. i can never trust a cheater, again.

3 0

I am really conflicted and I need help. The part I struggle with is those who say cheating does not happen in a vacuum. It hurts me to have to accept that I am the reason my husband cheated on me. He says "I did not want to spend time with him." But when he had extra time he made dates with other women and never with me. He cheated on me because that is what he wanted to do and it had nothing to do with me. He has cheated in every relationship he has ever been in and his ex knew that he would cheat on me too. In fact, before we got married he slept with her and cheated on me three times more. So I am sitting here now, as a Christian, with a man who has cheated on me three times before we got married and two times after we got married. What is the role of forgiveness in this. Lately, he really has been trying. He stays home exclusively and has started paying attention to us and he does not want me to leave. However, those who say that my relationship can get better than it ever was, how do I make this happen. I do not love him anymore, I can not stand to have him touch me. Am i settling? or am I trusting God that He'll kiss my wounds and heal me. Am I being naive? All in all, I know in my heart as of today, that I can not stand my husband. Please help me... We have four children together 12yr, 11yr boys are his and mine - 3yr and 5yr girls are our together. I am having to live the life where my husband is profusely repentant and wants us to work things out..I need help especially from those who know the word because I am only standing on God as we speak...were it up to me, I would have killed the two women who slept with my husband and smiled at me and called me a friend...and I would definitely not even look at my husband right now

8 0

Damn straight,you dont make a mistake in someone elses bed,thats a plan!

10 0

I was down to the lowest point in my life. I thought my heart would never heal. I found you late one night and thought what have I got to lose? I ordered the Return My Lover Spell and within a 3 days she was back in my life thanks to you Dr. Lee of the Ancientfathersandmothers@gmail.com

17 1

I agree with what you wrote, I am in the same situation where there is no trust and he lies to my face

2 0

I want to use this medium to tell the world about Doctor Jatto who helped me in getting my lover back with his powerful spell, my ex and I where having misunderstanding which led to our breakup though I went to beg her several times to please forgive and accept me back because I know I offended her but each time I went I always feel more deeply in pain and agony because she always walk out on me and would not want to listen to what I have to tell but on I faithful day as I was browsing I came arose a testimony of a woman whose problem was more than mine and yet Doctor Jatto helped her with his spell so I was happy and also contacted Doctor Jatto for help via email and then told him my story but the only thing he said was that I will wipe you tear with my spell so lucky for me everything want well just as he promised and right now I have got my fiance back and we are both living happily. there is nothing Doctor Jatto can not do with is spell and just as promise my self I will keep testifying on the internet of how Doctor Jatto helped me.Are your problem greater that mine or less I give you 100% guarantee that Doctor Jatto will put an end to it with his powerful spell, contact Doctor Jatto for help Via email drjattosplltemple@gmail.com. 1. GETTING YOUR EX BACK 2. WINNING LOTTERIES. 3. CHILD BEARING. 4. BREAKING OF GENERATION COURSE. 5. GETTING OF JOB. 6. JOB PROMOTION. 7. MONEY SPELL. 8. SPIRITUAL PROTECTION. 9. HERBAL CARE. 10. BEAUTY SPELL.

2 0

I really like your comment too. You are so courageous!!

0 0

Started a few years ago. I thought we were happy. We were your usual suburban professional couple. Financially secure, healthy, good sex life, two kids (14f and 9m at the time). I thought we had a healthy social life. We were going through one of your typical married couple rough patches. Both of us were working long hours, not spending enough time together, we were going through some developmental problems with my son and tensions in the house were running a little high. I noticed that she was spending a lot more time on her phone texting with her "girlfriends". I didn't think much of it. I started making a much more concerted effort to get out of work when I could, help around the house and be more emotionally available, but over the course of a few weeks the gulf just kept getting wider. The next day after I took the day off to knock out some projects that I thought would make her happy, and left her some sweet notes reminding her how much I appreciated her she was once again in the corner of the living room "texting her girlfriends". I decided to embark on finding out what was going on and i was reffered to by my old friend to a white hat who literally made me end the whole union but made me move on with my life! I obtained the results from the hacker and all of my flaws, insecurities and secrets I entrusted to my partner were now fodder for her and JBC(her affair partner). Not only that, but while there wasn't outright sexting there was a sexual I took off the next day and spent some time soul searching, drinking and trying to figure out what to do. The wife came home and wanted to know what was wrong and I just coped out and told her I had a bad day. A couple minutes later I was watching the iPad as the train wreck kept unfolding. So began a couple solid weeks of receiving screenshots and results, drinking and detaching myself from the relationship. I knew there was no going back from this. I consulted a lawyer and got my options, and started moving forward. If my life story seems similar to yours i advice you take actions and contact her for a positive life changing experience: Contact:Cleopatra11011AToutlookDOTcom

0 0

Started a few years ago. I thought we were happy. We were your usual suburban professional couple. Financially secure, healthy, good sex life, two kids (14f and 9m at the time). I thought we had a healthy social life. We were going through one of your typical married couple rough patches. Both of us were working long hours, not spending enough time together, we were going through some developmental problems with my son and tensions in the house were running a little high. I noticed that she was spending a lot more time on her phone texting with her "girlfriends". I didn't think much of it. I started making a much more concerted effort to get out of work when I could, help around the house and be more emotionally available, but over the course of a few weeks the gulf just kept getting wider. The next day after I took the day off to knock out some projects that I thought would make her happy, and left her some sweet notes reminding her how much I appreciated her she was once again in the corner of the living room "texting her girlfriends". I decided to embark on finding out what was going on and i was reffered to by my old friend to a white hat who literally made me end the whole union but made me move on with my life! I obtained the results from the hacker and all of my flaws, insecurities and secrets I entrusted to my partner were now fodder for her and JBC(her affair partner). Not only that, but while there wasn't outright sexting there was a sexual I took off the next day and spent some time soul searching, drinking and trying to figure out what to do. The wife came home and wanted to know what was wrong and I just coped out and told her I had a bad day. A couple minutes later I was watching the iPad as the train wreck kept unfolding. So began a couple solid weeks of receiving screenshots and results, drinking and detaching myself from the relationship. I knew there was no going back from this. I consulted a lawyer and got my options, and started moving forward. If my life story seems similar to yours i advice you take actions and contact her for a positive life changing experience: Contact:Cleopatra11011AToutlookDOTcom

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2 0

I can forgive a cheating spouse but that doesn't mean that I would stay, you teach people how to treat you and taking them back suggests that it's ok to treat me like crap and I can't have that.

69
0 23

yep i totaly agree with you!

297 2

I concur. I remember hearing one of the brothers in my community state, "A man plans to cheat. It starts with a thought and then he acts on it." This means that a man does not just walk around the corner, trip and fall into a woman's vagina. He just wanted someone else. I think it is cowardly for a man or a woman to blame it on something or someone other than his or herself for cheating. Every one has struggles but it is not a good excuse to cheat. You know what some people say, "Any excuse is better than no excuse."

10 0

I requested a reunion love spell (to bring back my boyfriend) and within 3 dayss Bryce my lover was back and calling me regularly, and little by little we fixed what i had messed up. Honestly, I wasn’t sure that this spell was going to work as i had gone to other casters with no results, but i had to give it one more shot. I cannot thank prophetharry@ymail.com enough for his work! i will continue to recommend propheharry to anyone needs his help. Lilli

3 0

As a man I fully agree with you. If my wife ever cheated on me it would mean divorce. Of course I do not cheat on her either. Of course I would forgive her as a human being, but she would have to pay the price for her stupidity.

5 0

My lover dumped me for any another woman, and i was divorce by my husband with my two son after 8 years of marriage, and also i really love him, so i contacted Doctor Akim for a love spell to get my Husband back, to my greatest surprise he cast a love binding spell to get him back for me and my lover came back after 48 hours. i will advice you anyone looking for any kind of spell should contact Doctor Akin via email address: { amormedico@hotmail.com } From: Ontario Name : Erianna Moric

9 0

I am pregnant and my husband is considering a divorce and fatherhood. He left our home a week ago. Can you please help me? I need him to come back and be my husband and father to our son until i finally met Dr. Odion who help me to cast a spell that brought my husband back to us within 24hours you can also reach him via odionspelltemple@gmail.com or you can reach via WhatsApp or call him via +2348056932230

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0 0

Some women here don't realize that there is different types of cheating. Its not as simple as "cheating is cheating". Some cases could certainly be unforgivable, especially if its happening over and over again. But sometimes, human beings will make a horrible mistake. Just because you know that for an instant, you were not the woman in their minds, some other tart was, doesn't mean that they don't care about you anymore. And as far as that "weak" comment goes, it's easy enough to say that on the internet, but do yourself a favor and NEVER say that in a roomful of girls who have been cheated on and made their relationship work afterwards. Making a relationship work after something so devastating is one of THE HARDEST things in the world! Picking up pieces of your life and your HEART after a blow like that and starting over again, is MUCH harder than walking away. It is devastating any way you look at it, but if you are a strong enough person to make things work afterwards (even though you don't get over it for a very long time, if ever), if the partner is truly worth it to you, then I say do it. Some people are worth a second chance. I wouldn't say they are worth much more than that, but if you are with a decent enough human being, they will understand that the hurt they have caused their partner (not to mention the tremendous amount of hurt they have caused themselves) is something so awful that it could never happen again, you may just have saved what could be the best relationship and life that you could have ever hoped for. I went through this after being with my man for two years, and it hurt worse than almost anything (almost comparable to losing my father a couple years before). I couldn't look at him, I moved out right away, all I could do was close my eyes and try (to no avail) not to cry. It was depressing, especially since I didn't do anything wrong to have to go through this pain. But there is a reason you are in so much pain, and sometimes its because the person you are in so much pain over, is worth holding onto and having that second chance. We have now been together for 7 years and have two beautiful children and while we still have similar problems that any other couple would have, we wouldn't want to be with anyone else. We are so in love with our family that I am so grateful that I had the strength to get through what I did. And now that enough time has passed, I don't think about it even close to as much as I did before. I can say that while I will never forget, I am over it. Its something that I will never throw in his face if we argue, and I will take what I have learned from all of it and be a much STRONGER person because of it. Sorry, but that WEAK comment really agitated me. You can't judge based on what you usually see. If you haven't experienced the process, you should be too judgmental.

43
0 0

Thank you, Meg, for your post. I agree with you 100%. You have helped renew my hope and I am looking forward to the one year mark so maybe I can begin to rest easier. I know I will not forget, but I have forgiven, and I also know that I need time. As I said in my post, only 35% come through, and that means it takes more to stay and fight for the marriage than it does to get out. I am looking forward to the days when it doesn't enter my mind, and I don't have so many "triggers." Thank you for your inspiration! It's what I needed today.

0 9

I am coming up on the one year mark of having found out about my husband's infidelity as well and I not for one moment thought of leaving him...Not because I have nowhere to go or that I am weak,but for the fact that as long as he could tell me that he still honestly loved me,there was no other choice in my heart. I will be coming up on 20 years of being with him, we have two kids and he was my best friend...We are building on that friendship again and we see each other again after just "living" day to day. It happens to the best and worst of us. I never thought for a moment I would be in this situation,but I am and I work on it every day. He is a good person that did a hurtful and bad thing. I know we all have that ability in us to make wrong decisions and I never thought he would,but he did and you grow stronger together from it or you slowly fall apart. I choose strength. We have two beautiful girls and they were never a reason to stay together or apart. The love that we know is still there for each other is why we are together and the rest is all a bonus...Keep your head up, your heart open and keep getting through day after day...I appreciate all the sharing,it has made me feel better and open to sharing my experience.Good luck to you all..

0 48

I agree it's not weakness that will make a person stay after being cheated on, it takes a great deal of strength to try and rebuild things and move on from all the hurt and pain that's been caused, to not use it against them as a weapon, to not live in constant fear of it happening again, to look at the value of what you had and at what went wrong in an attempt to make things better....it's also a very long process for someone to go through. I think (having been in the situation of staying and also of leaving after being cheated on) that it was easier for me after leaving then it was after staying, staying meant facing so much including dissaproval of family and friends, leaving left me free of all that but still didn't make it any easier moving on and trusting again. It's never a clear cut case and is something that should be decided and dealt with carefully.

0 8

It is soooo true that they will keep doing it over, and over and over!!! My fiance and i have been through this twice and although he promises it wont happen again(since i moved out and -obviously- took our son away) ,which gave him the scare of his life....but yes i am back with him again, but how do you trust someone when they have hurt you so intensly again and again...even after we had our beautiful boy??? Now it is the constant fear of when we will go through it again... and we all know that TRUST is very important in a relationship....and when men do hurt us in this manner, they dont understand why we cant trust them or continuously questioning them...it really is almost impossible to rebuild the trust and bring the relationship back to life....but at the end of the day it's worth giving them a second chance...it could be worth it...

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I agree with you, I am a young mother of 2.. I have been with my childrens father for 8 yrs.. I was and am always told "you can forgive... but don't forget" No one knows what happens behind closed doors, that being said you can't judge someone for not leaving thier cheating spouse.. No one knows what kind of sitution they are in and really how much they love eachother... What dosen't kill us makes us stronger!! and if you can come out of a situation like that stonger as a couple it was meant to be.. If ur chose to stay and throw it in his / her face about it then maybe you shouldn't have stayed, that dosen't allow you to heal from it either... I do believe everything in our lives happens for one reason or another.. We often don't know what those reasons are untill later in life, but one day you will find out!! Whatever you decide in your situation is perfect for you.. no one should judge, Either way you are a stonger person I think!! :)

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Meg, you and I have alot in common with our experience in this. I totally and completely agree with your comment about the "being weak" thing. very offensive, it took way more strength then I've ever had to work with my husband on things. my husband has been busting his butt off to do whatever he hase to do to try to make things better and he come out and told me everything. That made the difference in our situation, I really don't have any unanswered questions. People just really don't understand that it's easier to walk away and leave all behind then to try to put yourself aside and fix things if you can.

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I agree with you on your post! You said it amazing and to the point. I just found out this past summer that my boyfriend of 6 years and who I have two children with cheated on me. I wanted to run away with the kids because I was so disgusted but I also wanted to fix things and make it work because he means so much to me. I am still struggling with it because I can not seem to get the answer "why" I do not know what I did or why he would ever do that to me. I am beyond hurt and having a hard time moving on but I know somehow this can make us stronger to as a couple. I did forgive him but I will never forget. Although if it does happen again I do not think I could ever give him another chance.

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Thank you for your post Meg, I know I am responding five years later. This is what I needed to hear now after discovering that my husband has been cheating on me. I hope things are still working out in your marriage. I have courage to work on my marriage.

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I guess I offer a different perspective, as I was the cheater. I married my husband believing I could never ever do that to him. I didn't have it in me. I had too high of morals. I would never hurt him the way I saw my dad hurt my mom when I was a little girl. Years passed and I began to feel like I was just a glorified maid in my home. He did his thing, I did mine. We rarely did things together. We didn't act like a married couple at all. Even our friends noticed that. It seemed to be all about him and our two boys, but I didn't feel included. And me? I was not a good communicator of my feelings, and I kept these things locked up tight inside me for four years until someone at work started to notice me and pay attention to me. I fought it tooth and nail, because deep down, that is not me to even consider going there, but the progression of my emotions during this time went from feeling neglected to feeling hurt, to feeling angry, to feeling resentful, to feeling bitter, to just plain indifferent. The indifference was the most dangerous emotion. It lead me to make the biggest mistake of my life, one that lasted a little over a year. We got caught texting one night this past April. I told my husband the truth about what had been going on. Though I left out many details that eventually trickled their way out. I didn't want to lie to him, but once I was forced to admit it, it was like I couldn't even tell the truth to myself. I really felt like I had been living in a bubble for a year and it had just burst and I came plummeting to Earth. It was the worst night of our lives. I hadn't anticipated that he still actually loved me. I really believed he only stayed with me because of the kids, because it would kill him to be away from them. I had only seen three outcomes during this time. Either I leave him for the other man, which I knew I wouldn't do, end it with the other man and divorce my husband, or end it with the other man and stay with my husband, my husband none the wiser. I never ever envisioned this blowing up in my face and my having to face the music the way I did. I left my home for two weeks and lived with my mom, alternating kids staying with me every night. It was awful. I left because he asked me to, but leaving my babies just seemed so unnatural and wrong. It still hurts me to think about it. I had never thought about what it would do to my kids. How selfish is that? I ended it with the other man the second this came out. I've never seen him or talked to him again. My husband, after two weeks, asked me to come home and said he loved me enough to want to make it work. I came home the first of May and have been there ever since. We've gone to counseling a couple times, but mostly it's just been us working on our communication. Things have been rough at times, but equally great! I am very lucky. I hate that he found out because I never really wanted to hurt him. I was trying to take care of myself. But had I ended it with the guy and just gone back to my life, I wouldn't have done anything differently to try to change our relationship. He wouldn't know how I was feeling. And who knows what would have happened next? I don't know if he's forgiven me yet. We have our days. But our communication has improved and he is attentive to me now. Most importantly, it has made me turn the tables on myself and see how I could've done things differently before it ever got so bad. I am responsible for my marriage going south as much as I thought he was. One of the most difficult parts is not having the trust he used to have for me. And that's because I abused that trust and threw it away. But with time, baby steps, we are making progress there. "Once a cheater, always a cheater?" Nope. I'm a human being. I made a terrible mistake. I learned from my mistake. I will never do this to him again. Even more, I will never do this to myself again. Cheating is like being addicted to drugs. You know you aren't supposed to do it, but if you do, you get hooked. Once you get hooked, you get addicted. You know you need to quit it, you want to quit, because the drug is starting to kill you, but it always sucks you back in. I've never done a drug, but I equate my experience to that sensation. And I refuse to define myself as a cheater because I cheated. I'm recovering from my horrible mistakes. I'm still working on forgiving myself. Thank you for reading.

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This took a LOT of courage to write. Thank you for your perspective.

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you pretty much wrote my story. There's always a reason for cheating, it's not as clear cut as one might think. It's takes a lot of self-healing and taking responsibility for what you've done to move on. Not to mention professional help! Unfortunately for me my ex was a worse cheater than me and didn't think anything of it to carry on after I had a breakdown and worked my butt off to fix myself and our relationship when he had an affair with a workmate 10 years my junior. Trying not to be bitter but it's hard. Some men are just weak and pathetic. It takes more courage to admit and fix your mistakes than to walk away. Don't beat yourself up Kellie, focus on the future, it's the only way forward. It's what I take solace in despite my ex's apathy, I deserve to be happy despite my mistakes as do you. Don't judge yourself (or be judged) by your past, you don't live there anymore!

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Thank you for providing your perspective. Hang in there.

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Thank you, Kellie - you helped answer questions for me that maybe I don't have to keep trying to get my husband to answer. I found out May 9th and it has been a difficult road. I would love to send you something I wrote and used as wedding vows when we renewed our vows this year. I had told him I didn't feel married anymore and he had to court me and marry me again. We have worked with a counselor and have come a long way. I still have bad days, and I know that's hard for my husband. He would like it to all go away because he doesn't like to see me hurt over and over again, but it needs to come out and it needs to be confronted head on. If you are interested in what I wrote, send me a message and I will get it to you.

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Thank You Kelly for writing your story. I have a better perspective on how my husband felt. He told me some of the things you just said made him cheat, but I think it is still to fresh for me to really understand him, but hearing it from you, I get a better sense of how he felt. It took a lot of courage to but yourself out there and I just wanted you to know that you are helping others. Thans

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Thanks everyone for the encouraging words! Women can truly be wonderful to other women in times of need. : ) And Wendy, I wish you the best!

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I think it helps to hear perspective from the other side, because most of the people reading this are the ones who have been cheated on. A lot of people don't realize everything that happens to lead up to that point. As for not having the trust anymore, that will come back with time. You just have to hang in there and prove to him that he can still trust you. It won't be easy, but it's worth the effort. Think of it this way: he asked you back, so he wants to be with you. I don't think that he would if he didn't think that he could ever trust you again. Therefore he wants to trust you. It'll just take time.

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I read your Story & I think this will open the Eyes of Many those who are facing similar situations. Thanks for sharing your Experience.

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Kellie, thank you for your story. I am in the same boat as you. everyday is a struggle to heal. i go out and think to myself, do these peaople know what i did? can they see thru me or read my mind? my mother constantly throws it in my face in the heat of an argument, how much pain and embarrasement i caused them. I still dont know how i allowed myself to fall into this trap, but it happened and he did make me feel happy and special while it lasted. it was like a drug, exactly the way you described it.

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HELLO,I want to say a very big thanks and appreciation to Dr.Lawrence for bringing back my husband who left me and the kids for almost two months. I am very much grateful to Dr.Lawrence who brought my husband back to me within 3days.I pray to God almighty to give you the strength and wisdom to help more people having similar problem like mine. drlawrencespelltemple@hotmail. com

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My lover dumped me for any another woman, and i was divorce by my husband with my two son after 8years of marriage and also i really love him i contacted prophet jakula for a love spell to get my husband back, to my greatest surprise he cast a love binding spell to get him back for me and my lover came back after 48hours. i will advice you anyone looking for any kind of spell should contact prophet jakula via email address: prophetjakula@gmail.com

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Wow! I feel like my husband wrote this. Thank you for writing this. It helps me see it from his perspective a little better. I hope we can make it work? It's going to be a long painful process... But in the end I know he loves me and I love him and I pray and hope that Love wins.

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I know this is 5 years later. But thank you for writing this. You helped me understand my feelings better and gave me another perspective of my marriage.

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Forgiving is the easy part. Building trust is the difficult part. ONce you know that your partner has the ability to be unfaithful, it is really difficult to get past that idea and trust again. Compound that with feeling trapped because you gave up your career to raise the kids and have no recent job experience and are competing for what few jobs there are with people half your age.

As long as there is hope, then you can continue to move forward.

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Thank you for that input Kelly! I'm still in the beginning stages of rebuilding the trust and I must admit I am nervous about it but your post gives me confidence and hope!

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Exactly how I feel minus the age difference i'm still pretty young but stopped working when my son was born and went to school. So while I do want to try and make it work I also feel trapped because I have nothing on my own. My goal right now is to get a job and be able to stand on my own two feet and raise my children if need be.

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I am divorced because of my ex's cheating. My ex wanted me to not work and be a at home moma, which I don't regret, but now I am 50 years old and have no retirement, started in the job market with outdated skills in this dog eat dog job force. I had to start over like a person just out of high school while in my mid 40s. It has been so hard and looking to my older age, I will be in trouble. I tried to work things out after, but it didn't happen. I have trust issues still to this day. I have learned to forgive but I seriously doubt I will ever forget. 20 years is a long time to give to someone and find out that he did not respect our vows at all. I feel for all that have to go through this. Give it all to God! Rebuilding your life is so hard, but it could turn into a blessing.

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I had to go back to school after 20 years so I Could raise my kids still at home. 6 semesters straight without a break but it will be worth it to not be forced to depend on someone else in charge of my life and my future. You can go back to school...do it for yourself & your kids.

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Thank all of you ladies for your stories, it is helpful to hear alot of the same opinions and similar situations. I think it takes a lot of courage, strength, faith, and maybe just down right subborness to work on a marraige once a spouse have been unfaithful. I have been married for almost 29 years and have been with my husband for over 35 years and without going into details we are each going to therapy to work on ourselves and our realtionship. I can say that we have had many hardships in our marriage but this one is the hardest. We are both working very hard to make things right between each other and I know that our realtionship is becoming stronger and much better than it has in years. My own self esteem has improved also through therapy. I am still working on forgivness that will take time. Yes, there are many reasons to stay in a marriage, some of mine are this... I always keep my promises, I have two wonderful kids, I am a strong woman with strong beliefs and we are BOTH willing to work hard on this marriage to make it work again.

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I always thought my answer would be no way!! However after a close friend was faced with this question and fought to keep her marriage I honestly dont know.She had some really good reasons to forgive and move on. It would depend on the circumstances and how my heart and mind fell. I hope and pray this is a question i never have to answer!!

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I so know this feeling, this could have been me writing this comment! Going through this with my friend has taught me something very valuable. Never judge as until you have been in the exact same position you never know what you would do! You can make it but it take allot of hard work and all the right reason, at least that is what I hope for!

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I first helped my sister through it and a year later it happened to me. You never know how you will handle it until it happens and all situations are different. I am still trying to put the pieces back together and learn how to forgive as my sister is as well. I have trust issues that can push the limits a little, but 25 years is a long time to just hang it on a shelf and leave it there. My only saving grace was there was nothing physical, it was with a high school sweetheart that wanted to try a long distance thing. It of course didn;t work and it made it harder when I found out who she was and confronted the both of them! It was enough to make her apologize to me and my kids for even thinking that would happen.

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I,m going thru a rough time, I caught my husband by accident ,while listening on his cell phone to see if a car dealer had returned his call, he was sitting right beside me, when I heard her say she loved him and missed him. He asked for the phone, told me her name and it was a high school sweetheart, We have 39 years invested and I do love him. So Yes I have chose to stay, it has hurt me badly, She is no longer pretty, has bad hair, her weight is 235 lbs. dresses frompy, He has been seeing her at motels, for about 8 months, while he was away on buss. trips. I,m a cosmetologest, take pride in me, my hair, and my body. Never dreamed he would stoop, Always though he would trade UP. He says he is very sorry, I did give him the chance to Go to her, I would not stand in the way, But he said no way, We renewed our wedding vows, things has gotten much better, It did break my heart, And I will never go thru this again. It would have been much eaiser to walk out, but I stayed, I didn,t let a cheap affair take my warm spot in my home, and IT was a cheap affair. He says it was the worst thing he ever done and he hates her, I believe her life has been rough too, I can look in the mirror and I like who I am.

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Im going through this now after 13 years if marriage, and my feeling right now is a resounding NO. I have lost all trust and all respect for him. To me, love and partnership go hand in hand with trust and respect. You MUST be able to fully trust him and look at him and feel respect . If you can't do this anymore, how can you really love that person? You wouldn't be happy . For me it's a matter of putting the past behind, be the best mom possible for the kids and carry on :-)

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i've been there. as, apparently, have many other women here. i can tell you that if he is repentant, willing to truly see how he has hurt you and willing to work to fix it; and if you are willing to work at putting this in the past and building a new marrage, then you CAN survive it. it is not easy, but it is worth it. trust can be rebuilt. but it takes so very very much work. and it is a matter of choise and will--not emotional love. at least not at first. it rebuilds with the trust, over time. the way i choose to see it--many marrages live and die never knowing how strong they are. now, i KNOW mine is strong, and that is very comforting.

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I agree with you completely Katherine. I was cheated on too. It is the worst pain I have ever felt. We were seperated for a few months. I honestly thought I hated him but then I realized I was very unhappy without him and apparently he felt the same way. We got back together and we are closer than we ever were before. It is definitely not something you get over right away. Focus on making yourself happy. I believe if its meant to be then it will all work out in the end but it takes alot of work.

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I totally agree! Trust and respect are vital in a relationship.That is love.

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tried to work though things for six years and he did it again and again and it does take a lot of love and understanding but i m to feel hitting my head against the wall that long is not worth feeling like i failed on marriage my parent were together until one die four years ago and they really had something great so i wanted that but wasn t might to be . but great job if any of you work it out and stay together and are happy for ever after it hard both ways.

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I have forgiven what I consider the worst occurrence a married couple could go through. I had to do a self evaluation (and that is the hardest pill to swallow) to see what part I played in the situaion & I did have to share in some of the blame. So we managed to work through it but I still have a long way to go before I trust him 100% again but it's a fight worth enduring because I do love my husband. Having said that please understand, "Fool me once, shame on you; Fool me twice, shame on me but with that shame will come permant life-changing damage". ;-) (I'm just saying)

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Good for you Joy! And best wishes for your future. =)

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I can sympathize with Joy... I'm glad you and your hubby are committed to working things out. :)

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I wish you all the best Joy. It has been six years since I found out. Whereas I agree that we both had a part in getting our marriage to the point where an affair can happen, I disagree that I hold any of the blame. The only way I could hold any of the blame was if I had a choice in the matter. I argued this for a long time with our marriage counselor! We just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary and things are going great. But I will not go through it again, it was to hard the first time. Best wishes for all the happiness and love you deserve!

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I always thought I would never be able to forgive a cheating partner, then it happened to me. I felt soooo hurt and angry when I found out. As Joy said, I had to evaluate my part to play as well. It was very hard to think that something i did (or did not do) could push my partner into someone else's arms. But our counsellor said to me in private, that usually a cheating spouse looks outside the home for what is lacking in the marriage, so while we are hurt and angry when infedelity happens we have to look into our selves and see where the signs were initially (and there were signs, i just didn't want to acknowledge them).

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I am pregnant and my husband is considering a divorce and fatherhood. He left our home a week ago. Can you please help me? I need him to come back and be my husband and father to our son until i finally met Dr. Odion who help me to cast a spell that brought my husband back to us within 24hours you can also reach him via odionspelltemple@gmail.com or you can reach via WhatsApp or call him via +2348056932230

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Eventually you have to forgive for your own good and peace of mind. However, because I could never FORGET, I couldn't stay with that person.

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You hit the nail right on the head. Overtime I could forgive the act, but I could never forget it or trust him. I could never be with anybody who cheated.

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I forgave him but could not stay with him anymore, especially after the 2nd time ten years later. Forgive and move on with your life. Hating him will only destroy you, you deserve more.

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tried to work though things for six years and he did it again and again and it does take a lot of love and understanding but i m to feel hitting my head against the wall that long is not worth feeling like i failed on marriage my parent were together until one die four years ago and they really had something great so i wanted that but wasn t might to be . but great job if any of you work it out and stay together and are happy for ever after it hard both ways.

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My marriage was similar to that. We got married in 2003, and were Married for 8 years. The first affair happened almost a year into our marriage in early 2004.. I chose to forgive. We had our first son late 2005. I found out about what I thought was the 2nd affair while I was pregnant with our 2nd baby in 2007. I told him at that point that we will work on this marriage together and that if he needed to tell me then about anything else that happened up to that point now was his time to do so I couldnt live through this again. Well 2011 I found out he had 9 different affairs and one was more than a "one night stand" that started during my first pregnancy and lasted until our new born baby was about 3 weeks old. If that wasn't enough pain already then I had the truth of all the other affairs thrown in my lap. We have two boys and after taking a long hard look at our family and a LOT of counselling through the years (I should add we did marriage counselling AND personal counselling as well) I had to step back and look and the big picture. I was not okay with this. I can NOT forgive again only to be lied to and hurt AGAIN! Our children now 4 and 6 are old enough to see their parents struggling to get along. They are my world and to see how badly I let this affect them was not what I had intended. My hope was to have a happy family were they we're loved and nurtured. And I realized that by staying over and over again I was teaching them it's okay to break your marriage vows, it's okay to lie and hurt people. That their isn't any consequences for negative action. Or worse they find someone like their dad to be married to, who just walks all over them and treats them like they are "disposable". I always wanted my marriage to work and for our family to be happy it just took a lot for me to realize my family is Me and My Children and now we are all much happier and I am only sorry it took me so long to realize marriage is something you BOTH have to work on, not just one of you.

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No way! I consider it a breach of contract. Not "for better or worse." that is a cop out and anyone can use it as an excuse if so desired..."Oops, honey I cheated on you multiple times, but you said you'd be with me for better or worse!"

I say, thank you for releasing me from something I couldn't possibly live with (STDs included).
As for parenting, plenty of single mothers have raised productive citizens. AND it's not like a single mother can't have a second chance at marriage and the children a second chance at a better role model for a dad (and vice versa of course).

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I AGREE WITH YOU!.....

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Marriage IS a LEGAL contract, and in some cases, the spouse whom was cheated on, actually sued and won $ from the mistress. Also, the non-cheating spouse can recover additional alimony based on the grounds of infidelity.

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I agree completely!

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Excellent point! I was wondering when I would come across the topic of STD's. My aunt was cheated on by her husband (who she took back) and he cheated again and again. He even gave her a few STD's while he was at it. So could I ever forgive if I was cheated on? Sure, over time I could. BUT, I wouldn't stay. Once the "circle of trust" is broken it's OVER! The wedding ring is symbolic in that it is a circle.. Which has no end... But you are entering into a LEGAL contract where you say vows. Technically speaking unfaithful partners can be brought up on criminal charges.

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i agree!!

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I don't believe cheating is a "mistake." We are adults of sound mind and every cheater knows exactly what they are doing. I think some women stay not because their husbands are worth fighting for, but because they are unable to leave. It is unfair for other women to call those women weak. I chose not to stay and even through continued financial difficulty and having to work two jobs to support myself and child, leaving was the best decision I have ever made and I wish I had respected myself enough to do it sooner. I am grateful that even though I have very little free time, that I was financially capable of taking care of us enough to have left when I know other women who are not. My advise to other women; do what's best for you and your child, regardless of the cheater.

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I have to take what I said back on my earlier posts........cause after reading your comment......I realize that I couldn't agree more. Your words lifted me up & gave me a little insight....as I'm facing a painful infidelity situation right now with my husband. I'm so torn & well, let's just say EMOTIONAL. I love him & still want our little familia of 3 to stay together but on the other hand, my feelings of ending the marriage are very strong due to the fact that I KNOW we wouldn't be able to make it work. Not because I don't have faith but I mean....I know that I would throw it in his face when there are problems, I'll always be looking over my shoulder, wandering where he really is even if he calls, if he's thinking about her or someone else, wouldn't ever feel secure with myself again thinking that I'm not good enough for him (Yes, I do realize that I'm not the blame for the affair but I can't help to feel that hey, guess I'm not good enough ya know). Many reasons! Also, he has said "Sorry" many times & has stated he wouldn't ever do it again & saw how bad it ripped me apart & our familia......The thing is Andrea, It doesn't feel like it's enough for me you understand? I want to hear it all the time, I want to see more action in proving he won't do it again & that he really is sincerely sorry, and more. Ugh I just have so much to say & type but it's like my emotions are all crazy right now that I'm having a hard time even thinking. :( This affair of his happened during his last deployment to Iraq in which he was gone for 8 months. I guess what hurts me the most is the fact that the affair didn't end when his deployment ended.....about a month after he got home he lied to me & told me he was going to IL to help his parents move. Wait first let me say that he did go to his parents & did help them move....BUT.....he made a 4 day stop in between to meet up & be with the woman he cheated on me with in Iraq. To know that it was an emotional affair as well.....oh it hurts more than anything. I found that he got them a 4 day/night stay at a B&B Winery Historical type place & took her to buy lingerie.......what I'm getting at with this sentence is that when I found those details out it made me feel so unimportant, unnoticed, unloved, disrespected, like I was nobody & my feelings/needs never mattered. He's never like that with me. He's cheap. If we go out of town to see familia, me & my son already know where we are staying cause there's no way Daddy would let us all stay in a hotel. He doesn't take me shopping for lingerie.....in fact he told me a very long time ago that he really wasn't into lingerie. So you see where I'm going with this and why I feel the way I do? Not trying to sound conceited but I don't think there is anything wrong with my looks (in/out clothes/lingerie).....so if he does in deed (well obviously since he bought it for her) like lingerie then why not take me to get it so I can wear it for him or hell, the lingerie I have, why doesn't he ever want me to put it on & show it off for him. I'm 104 lbs., 5"2.....To me that sounds/looks sexy. But I guess that's just me. Don't mean to get personal & I'm sorry I'm rambling but I just have to get this out. You see, I can't feel secure about myself around/with him anymore. I'm always going to be thinking to myself or out loud that "Maybe if I did this to myself like she did or what if I was more tan like her or what if I dressed in short shorts & shit like that more often"! My mind is out of control right now & I need to just calm down. I have to say that I'm proud of how I've been able to control my emotions around my son. I don't want him to have to see any of this crap & I hope & pray that I can continue to be strong & not have a breakdown. But to be honest, I'm scared that I may just have a breakdown soon. Thank you for listening/reading & it would be great if I could get some feedback from you. I will make my decision based on my feelings/thoughts/opinions/etc. & not just because of what others think I should or should not do. I'm just asking for feedback to....I guess just give me hope, cheer me up, let me know your feelings after reading what I wrote....I don't know. Thank you for taking your time again & reading my venting! :)

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I know it's a very hard decision for some women to stay or go and each woman's readons for her decision are always unique. I, for one, am very thankful that my decision wasn't based off of whether or not I could support myself alone. I can say this: don't ever compare yourself to her. Men don't cheat because the other woman is better/ more attractive, they cheat because they can. I know men in relationships and who are married that cheat and it's only because it was convenient. Because they didn't have it in them to resist the temptation of the other woman who knew full well that he is married/involved. your confidence and self esteem should not be based on your relationship status with him - something that I have learned through this. Once you work on you, your judgement of the situation will be a lot clearer. May I suggest a seperation until you get your head together? I can say this, Because these days it is easier for men to cheat, I have a lot more respect for men go choose not to.

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Andrea, I completely agree with you. I've said it from the day I found out about the affair and still saying it almost two years later...an affair is not a "mistake"!! It may be something he'll always regret but those were his actions that were thought out. Thank you for sharing.

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Yes Andrea, I agree that cheaters are adults and they know what they are doing BUT you have to ask yourself WHY did they cheat. Was it to fulfil a need that wasnt being met in their relationship. Do they simply require more sex than their partner is prepared to offer, or sexual variety which their partner wishes not to participate in. I have recently read "SUGARBABE" by Holly Hill, it is an autobiography and it discusses why lots of men are unfaithful. I agree with the author that even though a man is unfaithful it does not necessarily mean that he does not love his wife.

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Erin, totally understand your situation. If shes not anywhere near your Family (another country) means the chances are rare for them and the Chances for you to mend the relationship is much more. Like some others said dont blame yourself. Dont compare. Dont expect him to treat you the same way either as You are his Wife who is always there for him & A Mistress is Always a Mistress who is sleeping with another womans Man. So they both have to impress each other and they are not totally genuine with each other, too as they would both be insecure about the fact that they would definitely lose each other at some point. So Erin, Hang on there if he came back to you He wants you & he is trying to make it work. You can also change yourself a bit try to be more confident of yourself, try to spend more time with Him & Family than before push (i'm sorry) your Child to get closer to his father, send them on Father -son outings and you two also try & get away for a Movie, Dinner, etc. Try your best to work it out for the Kids Sake (thats how we think at this side of the globe) I too had walked out many times and thought of the kids & walked back. Good Luck!

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Add a comment

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Ssad to read Erin but ur mind is your gretest asset. Follow it. No one would understand you better than you. People grieve differently and you have every right to go the way that gives u the best comfort. I ve been there , bigger scenarios , sadder discoveries trust me but I stayed not because I couldn't go but strangely I loved him so much . Having said that not to say "stay or leave" but to trust your instincts and let God lead the way. No one is perfect remember , I found myself attracted to people sometimes only that I don't have the desire to be unfaithful. If u can deal with it , take a deep breath and resound "I can do this " and just trust God to mend you

1 0

thank to dr odudu when my man left me for another woman on xmas eve, me and my man was together in the same table drinking i never knew were this woman come from my man started run after her ass and i try to wedraw my boyfriend back it was too later my boyfriend said is all over just like that when i contacted dr odudu via odudu@gmail com that is when i believe on automatic magic power that work fast without delay after two days my man come back to me the way dr odudu told me that is how it came to pass am happy now with the help of dr odudu are you in any problem that you feel nor thing you can do about it just contact dr odudu@gmail com and see you problem being restore in just am hours good luck or call +2348051913076 sharon U k

5 6

why do men make us feel like shit,cheat and look at other women , i have long blond hair and blue eyes, men do look at me except my husband , may be he is jealous

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The pain of death is akin to the pain of finding out a spouse cheated. Some folks can survive it and forgive, and rebuild and move on. Some folks can't. People are different emotionally, and mentally. Until you have stood in that persons place, don't judge that person for that choice regardless of how you would have chosen. Love is funny. I never even comment when folks say I'm leaving him, he's a dirtbag because I know he might just bring flowers, ask for forgiveness and then where am I? (hated of course). She will tell him what I said. For folks that can't forgive, hire an attorney and get a divorce. For folks that can, get counseling, have long, long talks, make sure it wont happen again. There is no right or wrong answer here. Some folks stay for children, money, desperation, the sheer complication of their lives, or love. Would I forgive? Yes, under the right circumstances, sure. Would I allow it to continue? No. Jesus said forgive 70 x 7. I don't know that I could do that now, but if I really loved him or her and I was convinced that they were sincere, and if the reasons seemed justified somehow, (you worked all the time and didn't show me attention) (they had suffered some tragedy in their life, a death maybe, a job loss, and were going thru the throws of the emotions dealing with that (feeling insecure and needed reassurance they were still a valued human being) and the wrong person was there at the right time) . Another question to look at is how often, how many people, over what period of time. Some folks I understand live in marriages where they agree this is an acceptable behavior. I couldn't live with that either, but I wouldn't judge someone that chose that live style either.

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I don't necessarily believe that it's because a person can't forgive; it's just that, once a contract is breeched, the deal is off. Yes, MARRIAGE IS A LEGAL BINDING CONTRACT! Remember, God allows for divorce in cases of infidelity. I have forgiven my ex, but even after he BEGGED me to take him back two weeks after he left (& after I dfound out he'd been cheating on me) he was already in some other girl's pants! He cheated MULTIPLE times. Had I known about it the 1st time, I'd have left then! He was involved with a 15 year old and several other people. He & the then 15 year old later had two kids together. Of course, he cheated on her too, as well as wife #2. LOL...and the cycle continues! Silly girls!

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put all the cheaters in one room , and make them repent, aim sure us lady's can come up with something.

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The minute I know they cheated, it's over. I have too much pride. Once I know he had sex with someone else, they'll never sleep with me again. My ex husband cheated and it was over. We had a four year old son. I was glad to be rid of him. My stance is, if you love me than I'm all you need. If you need to cheat, you should no longer be in that relationship. It's over.

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' if you love me than I am all you need' ......totally right! And who knows,maybe he picked up AIDS or an STD from that person!

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Here's what I think...that most of the responses on this page clealy do not understand forgiveness...it means to:
1. to grant pardon for or remission of (an offense, debt, etc.); absolve.
2. to give up all claim on account of; remit (a debt, obligation, etc.).
3. to grant pardon to (a person).
4. to cease to feel resentment against: to forgive one's enemies.
5. to cancel an indebtedness or liability of the offense.

I truly understand that cheating on someone is the ultimate hurt...that is why forgivness is the necessary response...because TRUE forgiveness is the ultimate response.
When you forgive someone it is an opportuntiy to express the highest form of love...a love that is not self-seeking,
kind,
respectful,
trusting,
keeping no record of wrong,
patient,
not boastful,
not rude.
My husband and I have been married for almost 38 years...we have been down the road of unfaithfulness...the road to forgiveness made for an amazing marrige both now and in the days we are given. I will tell you dead on that it is HARD to do...but the reality is that when we forgive and live out forgiveness...we are blessed beyond measure. I always tell young women we encounter at work (Im an administrator at a college) that when they marry if troubles arise...if they can only remember a pinch (tiny amount) of why they fell in love with their man in the first place...that they can find it in their hearts to forgive. Forgiveness is a choice...when you chose correctly...you will find the blessings that come from it.

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I love your post and agree 100% :)

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Thank you! You are an inspiration and you have some very good insight!

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marriage is a coming together of TWO people ..if only one is kind, respectful, not boasting etc it aint going to work.. and that is exaclty the problem with cheaters.. they arent kind or respectful or not rude... and clearly dont love their spouse ,they love themselves but they clearly dont love their spouses.. you can put out all the bible verses you want..it doesnt change the fact that cheaters are selfish, out for only themselves and surely dont love their partner .. thats not the act of a loving spouse .. .

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YOU ARE WRONG..........

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go girl you are so right

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Absolutely you can. I did. I agree with the writer below, though, that it depends if the partner is truly repentant. That has to be the key; why would you want to be with someone who didn't think he - or she - had done anything wrong? That was 7 years ago; we have been married for just over 22 years now, and we both have to say it's been the best 7 years of our marriage. Yes the road through was hard, but my girls still have their dad, one home, and I have a wonderful man. Maybe it helped me, being on the same headspace he was in, a few years earlier. I 'knew' I was leaving, so hot involved with someone...by the grace of God we made it through that one, too. Not easy, but can be done.

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I am JUST CURIOUS, are you a stay at home mom? Are your parents and/or siblings supportive of your decision to remain w/ a cheating husband?

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I am in just in the beging and find already that God has put us in our place, showing us both that we are human born into sin. It's been very painful but because most of my family and friends are christains they have encuraged me to be forgiving. I started counsiling with my paster and found great book like "hope for the seperated." Please if you want to forgive or not go talk to a pastor and read help books before you make up your mind...God Bless

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No. It would be too hurtful and i would never trust him again nor take him back.

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Same here :)

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me three!

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Same here. I could never trust again. My husband before we were married use to text this girl. (too long a story and still too hurtful) She lives in CA which is the other side of the country so I know there will never be physical cheating with her. But to me texting love texts and sexting is cheating. This happened a yr ago and to this day when he getsa text I automatically wonder who he is texting now. It's like I forgave him but I can't forget.

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I have been in a simialr sitution Michele.. My b.f of 7 yrs was always accusing me of cheating and running around on him.. untill one day I had found facebook messages that he had been sending a women much older then him.. they were in such detail that it made me puke.. We had a lil girl already when I found them and I was pregant with our 2nd.. I confronted him about it and he blamed me for it.. he was looking for the sexual contact from someone eles.. I was 8 and half months pregant and HUGE I didn't feel attractive and he stoppd tryin after awhile to have the intamciey.. I didn't leave I did forgive him.. it probably hurt just as much as the physical contact would have.. There was a Huge pink elephant in the room for months and months and then finally one day I snapped and lost it on him told him I couldn't even look at him without thinking about what he had done and maybe what I didn't know about him doin... I packed up the kids and left, I was gone for 2 weeks and in those 2 weeks we reconnected.. We could actually talk about our problems nd work through them... but I still often check his phone and facebook to make sure it hasn't gotten to that again.. I guess if he is goin to do it then I can't stop him right.. I know that either one of us were perfect in the situation and what had happen.. We have been working on the problems we have and have been gettin somewhere in baby steps it comes back to us.. If both people r willing to fix thier problems together they should... if one is willing to fix the problems and the other one isn't there is no reason to stay .. I think

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my husband has 3 phones and is always on them , he thinks aim stupid , when i confront him , well you guess dumb answer , nothing , aim doing nothing , yes it does rip you apart, well if you cant beat them join them , see if he likes it/

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Negative. ONce a cheater , always a cheater..... I couldn't live with the kind of person that thinks this is ok. My respects to the people that can make it work... I for one, won't put up with it. I value myself too much to let someone disrespect me this way, someone who can't respect you , doesn't love you.

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never again,my now ex husband cheated on me many times and admitted to affairs i knew nothing about,it ripped my family apart and has now wrecked any relationship he had with his children,and this was some 10 years ago,my new partner is totally different,but IF,he ever cheated it would be over in a heartbeat,i wouldn't lose my dignity by begging him to stay like i did with my childrens father,i know i can cope on my own .

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A definite yes. Why would you let the enemy win by breaking up a marriage that made in love.? You don't go through years of loving someone and wanting to spend the rest of your life with them and raise a family by letting your marriage be destroyed and a family destroyed by cheating. Yes, it hurts but there are worse things that could happen. So go to God and ask Him to heal your hurts and emotions and mind. Jesus died on the cross to take away all sins, all griefs, all sorrows, all pain. Believe me, it worked for me, it can work for you. And remember, you think you would never do that, but in weak moments, it can happen. We don't get our satisfaction, our love, our acceptance from people bc they will always fail. But we get it from Jesus Christ, thats why He came to the earth, it was for us. He knew what we needed, its available but we have to ask Him for it. Ask and you will receive His love to overcome all obstacles and you'll get a new life. Maybe you could lead your partner to know Jesus and give him a new life as well then you win.

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I Love My Savior; And It Was he who told me to find Happnies; I am not sorry for how my life turned out ; I have 2 new beaiutiful Sons ; 23 and 25 ' ;; I would have missed all that ; and been sad and unhappy forever'' I also have 3 other children ;; all married; I have 7 grand children and 3 great grand children; ; Life is too short to be unhappy;;;;

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I appreciate both sides of the debate. I think it is an idividual opinion and what works for one family doesn't work for every family. What I appreciated most was Kelly's comment "getting some help and loving support of family and friends that a marriage heals from infidelity." I am now divorced. My partner cheated and continued to cheat. I begged and pleaded for him to stop. I wanted counceling and church. We were both backslid Christains at the time and I felt we needed God in our lives. He said he agreed and then nothing changed and the cheating continued. I don't really have a family but have always been really close to his family. Everyone in his family knew and no one did anything supportive for me or for us whatsoever. It was devestating. I finally made the decision and left him. My daughter was 4 at the time and it was the hardest thing I've ever done and I've spent the past several years recovering from it. I know I made the right decision for me and for my daughter. But if he had stopped the cheating, I would have forgiven and tried to move on. FYI, he is still with the woman he cheated on me with. Everyday I thank God for something I am grateful for. I am now dating someone wonderful and Christian and amazing. I now, however, have no tolerance for cheaters in my life. I've been through too much and I've seen too much. I am also in no hurry to settle down again. Cheating has really changed me completely. It makes you a little less naive, a little more aware and appreciative of your partner and his/her feelings and has brought me closer to God.

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With the stress of working, parenting and what life throws at people today, people are bound to make mistakes! And that is what it is...a mistake most of the time. It can make you realise what you really have and make your relationship stronger or make you realise this isn't what you want. It is possible to forgive but if you do you cant throw it back in their face everytime theres a problem in your relationship.
We are all human, and no body is perfect. Sometimes you have to ask yourself, why did they cheat (male or female) why? have they been trying to talk to you how they feel and you haven't had time to listen, has one got a higher sex drive than the other? Do the kids sleep inbetween you so your husband doesn't get a look in, do you treat them with respect? and many more reasons a relationship can get hard.If you need to spend more quality time together but you're not talking or making them feel special anymore, is it any wonder sometimes people find that friendship in someone else and it leads to something else? then maybe it just wasn't ment to be!!Yes its no excuse to cheat, but were not perfect.......just human! I believe if you talk & listen & both willing to work on your relationship you can forgive, If you give up or realise its not ment to be..you'll never forget either!

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During stressful times a spouse should lean on one another, not ANOTHER person outside of the marriage! LOL....how silly!

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Sounds to me personally that you are giving them an excuse for what they are doing outside the covenant they made with you and God. Adultery is the only thing God gave people the absolute right to divorce over and I dont believe any woman/man should feel they have to stay in a marriage with a cheating spouse and it is NOT their fault that their spouse strayed! If the cheater felt they werent being heard there are many other avenues 2 go besides climbing into anothers bed and breaking their vows! No excuse whatsoever and if a person has never been cheated on then they will never understand the destruction it can cause a marriage. I applaud any spouse that can forget wat a cheating spouse has done. I was able to forgive it but once my exhusband tried blaming his infidelity on me, I was done trying.

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I agree in difficult times you should lean on the other, but sometimes the difficult times is from home life or your partner. I'm not saying its exceptable by no means but people make mistakes. I am married but I dont believe in God which is why my marriage was not in a church, and like many people they dont believe in him..which is why I made my vows between me & my husband...after all its not god that has to work at our relationships and be there when the going gets tough?! It takes a strong person to forgive and possibly forget..and if they can and they come out stronger the other side, good for them :)

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and cheating is not a "mistake" its a conscious decision to fulfill your own desires with no thought to anyone else but yourself...as soon as things go bad look outside the marriage for comfort ..that will surely help the marriage.. selfish selfish selfish

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My husband and I have been through this. I cheated on him several times years ago and although he didn't know at the time it did put strains on our relationship. I had decided that I could never do this again and I haven't. Several years later (after our twins were born) I didn't realise how much time and energy I was putting into the children and none at all in our marriage. At the same time my best friend was struggling with her marriage. She confided in me that she wad cheating on her husband. I had no idea that it was with my husband. It went on for months with out me knowing. When it finally did come out it was a long hard road. Not only had I lost trust in my husband, but I also lost the other person I trusted the most in this world, my best friend. It was a long hard road, but we did work things out. Our marriage is now stronger and happier than it has ever been. We learned to be more honest with each other. Instead if sweeping things that bother us under the rug, now we are better able to talk about them and confide more in each other. I am not saying that it was easy, or things went right back to the way they were, I'm not even saying that it was all his fault. I'm not saying that it wasn't hard for him to gain my trust back, it was, it was very hard, but our marriage now is better and stronger because of the things we went through together.

I also forgave my friend. We are no longer best friends, but if we pass each other in the store we can speak and not claw each others eyes out. After all, if you don't forgive you are the person it is hurting the most.

There is a song out right now, Blessings, by Laura Story. I have kinda adopted that song as mine. Many of my blessings in this life have come through raindrops and storms, but when I look at the big picture I always know that God is in control and if an affair is what it took to make our marriage what is is today I wouldn't go back and change it. Would I rather not have lived through it, yes, but it has made me a stronger person and our marriage a stronger marriage.

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I did and all that happened was he did it again, and again, and again. I was warned years ago when it first happened that once they cheat they will do it again because there had to be a mindset in place in your cheating spouse to CROSS that line of morality and not VALUE your marriage anymore. Once one person has give up on the marriage in this way it doesn't matter how much the faithful person forgives, or tries to work on the marriage etc. You have to forgive them but you do not have to continue to live with them or tolerate having them continue to hurt you. Not trying to be bitter here but after all the years and friends who have had this happen, it has never worked out for the faithful spouse who knocked their brains out trying to figure out what happened, why, how, and what can they do to change and make it better. The problem is not that of the faithful spouse in the marriage but that of the cheating one who lost the morality, the value of marriage, the trust of the life mate. I don't want to hear how the marriage had issues etc. you still don't go out and have sex with someone who isn't your spouse - sure isn't going to fix things.

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Amen! You are completely correct!

1 0

thank to dr odudu when my man left me for another woman on xmas eve, me and my man was together in the same table drinking i never knew were this woman come from my man started run after her ass and i try to wedraw my boyfriend back it was too later my boyfriend said is all over just like that when i contacted dr odudu via odudu@gmail com that is when i believe on automatic magic power that work fast without delay after two days my man come back to me the way dr odudu told me that is how it came to pass am happy now with the help of dr odudu are you in any problem that you feel nor thing you can do about it just contact dr odudu@gmail com and see you problem being restore in just am hours good luck or call +2348051913076 sharon U K

5 0

After the fifth year relationship with my boyfriend, he changed suddenly and stopped contacting me regularly, to come up with excuses not to see me all the time. He stopped answering my calls and sms to me and stopped me regularly. Then I started to catch him with different girls several times, but each time he told me that I love and I needed some time to think about our relationship.But can not stop thinking about him, so I decided to go online and vi so many good talk about this caster and I communicate with him and explain my problems to him.He a love spell for me, which I use and after two days, my boyfriend turned to me and began to contact me regularly and we moved in together after a few months and he was more open to me than before and began to spend more time with me than his friends. Finally we got married and now we have been happily married for 3 years, with a son. From Dr.TRUSTde TRUELOVESPELLTEMPLE@GMAIL.COMme helped my partner is very stable, faithful and closer to me than before.You can also contact the caster and get your fix relation Email: TRUELOVESPELLTEMPLE@GMAIL.COM

0 0

Started a few years ago. I thought we were happy. We were your usual suburban professional couple. Financially secure, healthy, good sex life, two kids (14f and 9m at the time). I thought we had a healthy social life. We were going through one of your typical married couple rough patches. Both of us were working long hours, not spending enough time together, we were going through some developmental problems with my son and tensions in the house were running a little high. I noticed that she was spending a lot more time on her phone texting with her "girlfriends". I didn't think much of it. I started making a much more concerted effort to get out of work when I could, help around the house and be more emotionally available, but over the course of a few weeks the gulf just kept getting wider. The next day after I took the day off to knock out some projects that I thought would make her happy, and left her some sweet notes reminding her how much I appreciated her she was once again in the corner of the living room "texting her girlfriends". I decided to embark on finding out what was going on and i was reffered to by my old friend to a white hat who literally made me end the whole union but made me move on with my life! I obtained the results from the hacker and all of my flaws, insecurities and secrets I entrusted to my partner were now fodder for her and JBC(her affair partner). Not only that, but while there wasn't outright sexting there was a sexual I took off the next day and spent some time soul searching, drinking and trying to figure out what to do. The wife came home and wanted to know what was wrong and I just coped out and told her I had a bad day. A couple minutes later I was watching the iPad as the train wreck kept unfolding. So began a couple solid weeks of receiving screenshots and results, drinking and detaching myself from the relationship. I knew there was no going back from this. I consulted a lawyer and got my options, and started moving forward. If my life story seems similar to yours i advice you take actions and contact her for a positive life changing experience: Contact:Cleopatra11011AToutlookDOTcom

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That's tough....sorry you're going through this! I honestly don't know what I would do myself. I love my husband so much and in the beginning, we made a pact that IF either of us cheated, it would be OVER. 11 years and 3 kids later, proud to say neither of us have cheated..... We have both given ourselves to God....If Jesus can forgive, then so can I. But I think it would take a VERY long time.

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I can and have! It isn't easy and trust has to be rebuilt but I love my husband and, even though the emotional pain was unbearable, I never doubted my ability to forgive him. I was more worried he would'nt be able to forgive himself for having hurt me like that! He does'nt understand why I still love him and want him but in a weird way, I love him now more then ever. His infidelity hit me like a ton of bricks and caused things to happen that I could have never imagined or seen coming. Threw our faith, we will get past all the unhappiness and move on as a stronger couple and family then we were before! You have to appreciate what you have every day or stand the chance of losing it all. A couple needs constant working on and having a busy life is no excuse for not spending quality time together, you have to find time for yourselves, there is too much at stake!

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I never thought I could forgive my now ex, but after I found out about one of his affairs, I stayed with him. I don't know why, for me or for my daughter who was three at the time. As years went by, I never questioned his suspicious behavior. He is a cheater, he learned from his father and uncles that, it's okay for men to have women on the side while the wives role was to remain a loyal wife. Over time his and his parent's behavior went from bad to worse, after 12 1/2 years I finally left. I found out the reason for his awful behavior towards me was that he was having another affair, with a friend of the family. He did not side with me ever whenever his parents were being unpleasant towards me rather, he fueled their hatred towards me. I live with my three young children, and am a full time student. I feel that more unforgivable than a man cheating on his wife is the wife allowing her life to be controlled by her husband. I literally am starting from scratch, financially and emotionally, a women who forgives her husband needs to be strong, courageous and respect herself, otherwise she is staying in a situation which is more comfortable than trying to make it on her own. Myself, I still think daily of what I've been through and have such hatred towards him. I regret not leaving him sooner because our marriage was pretty much over way before the first time he had an affair. If your marriage truly is/was worth saving then why would your husband cheat on you? Even the excuses such as: I didn't think, my wife was not there for me etc, still make me wonder why would a man or for that matter a woman sacrifice his/her marriage if it was important to them?

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Surinder Lally, I applaud you for leaving your ex, however I wouldn't waste my energy on hating him. It means he still has some control. Good luck

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Sorry you had to go through that :( It's is good that you tried and you should be proud of that! On to a better life :) Good luck :)

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I agree with Carole completely. Surinder, leave that baggage behind .... not worth the pain it still fills you up with. Try this --- Give yourself a couple of hours; undergo the whole experience again, of humiliation and hurt, feel the pain and hatred ahainst him and his parents and whoevr else in that family gave you pain. Let it fill you completely. Your mind, your heart, your each pore of your skin. Cry if you want, as much as you want..... go deeper and deeper within your pain. You ll feel very heavy as if you are carrying a big load on your back ! Then suddenly, it ll vanish . Woooshhh, all the pain will be gone. And with it all the heaviness too . You ll be as light as a bird. The baggage of hurt and humiliation and hatred that you are carrying will all be gone. You will be a new person. With renewed zeal for life. Surinder, please try. I promise you forgiving becomes very easy if you have felt the plain completely. Your life is yours now. You need to fully disconnect from him. Your children will also be happier. Good luck If you want you can visit the site www.onenessfriends.org ---- it is a spiritual site. I have learnt this technique from them. And am a better person for that !!!!

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Sally.......Your story has brought me insight & I want to thank you for that. I totally applaud you for what you did. :)

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Well
i've been there done that. But my circumstance is a little different.. My ex cheated on me with a man. And yes I evenually forgave him. and were good friends today. Bitter
ness destroys a person.

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It takes a tough-hearted wife to draw the line between feeling hurt, then trying hard to forgive next; and feeling hurt, then acting-firm-to-leave next. On impulse, a devastated wife would leave: pained at being betrayed and dumped by her husband, after all the things (efforts, sacrifices, etc.) she has done for her family. The feeling centers in the argument that she doesn't deserve such an unfair treatment. Hence, the realization that she must leave and give more attention to herself to re-boost her morale. But on second thought, she can choose to clear her mind and stay, and face the situation as a challenge. Perhaps there is just a need of a new strategy: a change in some routine or a make-over of sorts to rekindle the old romance. I may make it sound easy but leaving at the height of one's heated emotions may just lead to a series of not-so-good consequences; including either or both having another affair or relationships, confusion among the kids, and having troubles with finances. I do not say staying would not be risky, specially if their was physical and oral violence from the husband-to- the-wife or the father-to-the-children, along the way . Indeed, there is the so-called case-to-case basis. Case #1: The wife chose to forgive and stay; then try her best with her husband's cooperation, to settle the issue, with the help of a support group aiming for reconciliation. Case #2: The wife chose to leave, feel bitter for years, struggle with finances (being ignored by the husband who feels unstable himself), and resort to a support group who is for separation on equal grounds of protecting the wife and her children. I respect the support's group advocacy, and there can be other possible cases; BUT at the end of the line, there will always be a point-in-time, whether sooner-or-later, when both husband and wife will realize the FAMILY always deserves a second chance -- for as long as one or both (it takes two to tango) is/are willing to genuinely forgive and change-for-the better.

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I agree full heartily with your response. I found it to be very interesting and suggestive with a very good outcome is it one/ones chosen. I do love the fact of the family oriented being FIRST. Thanks for your great comment. It is comment/opinionative as well with good advice to all who would like to accept or consider. Thanks for the in-put. Sometimes we don't know who we are helping and reached just because we took time to share! Continue to share, good advise is always necessary and needful. Mrs. Pettus, Shelby, NC stephnaiepettus@ymail.com

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Wow awsome answers;;
I was cheated on ; for 7 years; I tried; ;
But I moved on' I am now married to a wonderfull man;
But the feeling of (am I the only one ?)is still there ;
I fight it daily; ; Yes he is worth it ; but am I ?
I will never Know'

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I am the same way. I have had guys cheat on me in the past. So now I constantly wonder, why is he late, who is he texting or emailing, is he really going out with the guys. I have to fight the thoughts everyday. Once the scar is made there is no going back. My current husband use to text a girl that lives in CA, he knows how I feel about her as it is but he went behind my back and texted her for a few yrs. When I found out I was crushed, he also told me that he had feeling for her as well. In the ned I forgave him and we got married and so far (as far as I know) he has no contact with her. But there is still those constant questions..the who what where when and why.

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I am Happy now but I will never know if I could have been happy if I stayed ; I would suggest to all; ;; Find a rich man;;;;;;lol

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0 9

My husband of 20 years and partner of 25 years cheated on me 3 times. First when our first child was only 8 months old. Due to family pressures (although my heart was crushed) I forgave him and gave our marriage another chance.He did it again, when I found out, he decided to hurt me futher by doing it openly, demoralises me with many hurtful words. Complete disrespect to my feelings or our kids ( we have two kids) Again (stupid me) begged him to stop because this time I was thinking of our kids, a home with a daddy etc. But he refused to stop his cheating an told me he wants to 'explore' his feelings first.
I WAS TOLD TO ACCEPT IT AND SHARE HIM WITH HER OR RISK LOSING HIM. This humiliates me.... So I kicked him out! I am glad I did. I have self dignity and moral value. I cannot show my daughter ( who's 15 then) that I 'accept' to be treated this way just because I love a man.
He violated my trust! 20 years is a long time to give to someone and find out that he did not respect you or the marriage.
We are now divorced. This whole betrayal has given me a lot of strenght to me personally. I gave up my career for him. Now I am back into work. my kids are with me and met few great guys.Had lots of dates. I felt appreciated, wanted and above all loved unconditionally by my kids as they saw what I went through and now can see how I am doing esp. my daughter, who's 17 now.
So ladies, yes it hurts (nothing can compare) but try to move on, love yourself first and everything else will fit into the puzzles.
Have a Great Christmas

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I know what it feels like. After 17 years of working hard in a factory, doing all the house-work, cooking, and still trying to look nice, my husband cheated. How dare he do that to me. I never left because we had a teenage child, and I still loved him. After 46 years of marriage my husband died knowing that I never forgave him. Now I will die with the regret that I never forgave him. My advice would be "if you stay forgive".

769 4

my ex did and gotcaught but still denies to any one else he was a lying cheating did that quite alot so i foubd ou laterwith any thing that would he was a drunk and both physically and verbally abusive i am glad to be rid of him but my next hubby aint much better either with the cheating and the way he treats me and the kids

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0 23

My husband and i have been married 13yrs, he has cheated God knows how many times. I forgave him, but will never forget the hurt, pain, and stress he has put me through. It has damaged our marriage because of his infidelity. I don't know if it will ever be like it was. I choice to stay with him because I love him and wanted our marriage to work. I never thought I would go through this with any man! I always said when I was younger ,that I wouldn't. Its easy to say that until you experience it!

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You are a stronger person than I ; I left a marrage of 23 years and 3 children' 1 who was married; 1 who was 3. and married a man that is the love of my life ; and 2 more sons; PLEASE DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS THAN THE BEST;

0 18

I always said i would hurt him so bad and walk away with my head held high if he ever cheated
i married my partner of then 21 years(school sweethearts) 4 years ago and after 5 months of marriage i found out he was cheating.funny how what you reinforce over the years crumbles infront of your eyes isnt it,so easy to say what you will do in a situation until it actually happens and apart from the self doubt the undescribeable pain and everything else that comes with this situation(we are now stronger and happier then we have ever been) i have learnt never to say "well if this or that happens to me this is what i would do"because nothing is ever that easy.

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Isnt it funny how that works...you never know what you will do until you are in that position but if the show was on the other foot and we were the one who cheated, they would leave without looking back. Why is that?

68 0

It is the ultimate betrayel in my eyes I don't think I could forgive and move on . I would always suspect my partner . I have told him if he ever has I don't want to know I don't think I could live with him . I have never cheated on him and never concidered it . I have had opportunity but I never wanted to . I love him and him only . And expect the same .

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I stayed, I forgave, and I wasted my youth. He not only was a cheater, he would have sex with just about anything. A truly twisted creature that did not deserve my forgiveness or my time. Know what you're really dealing with; forgiveness may not be the answer. Even in the divorce he managed to screw me financially (planned it all out behind my back, just like one of his trysts). A conniving bum is just that. Open your eyes wide before just taking him back, even for the children's sake)!

1 14

betrayal, deception , hurt are just few of the emotions i felt when my ex husband cheated on me.Giving him the chance never made things better, in fact it made him worst knowing there is ready forgiveness..
Cheating the the worst sin you can commit to your partner.. May it be in a marriage or a serious relationship..If He cheated on you it only means he respect and love you less..We deserve to be love 100% no more no less..

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0 18

ITA! And if you forgive them,they think,"Oh she forgave me,so I'll do it again!"

1 14

you are absolutely right..we can forgive him but then we need to move on with our lives and get a live of our own worthy of our respect.

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5 6

to all of you women, be smart , it you know its over in your heart, dont be left with nothing , find a good lawer,Dont get even get every thing

3 0

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3 0

Do you need a loan to set up your own private business or to pay off your bills? apply now via Email williamqueen@blumail.org apply with Name: Country: Amount Needed: Loan Duration: Phone Nub#: Company E-mail: williamqueen@blumail.org Mr William

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i was raised that God hates a divorcing, but DOES make the exception in the case of adultery. it doesn't mean we HAVE to divorce. it just means that our loving God knows we all have a different emotional make-up. so then the question is "can we truly work to get past this, or do we stay w/ the cheating spouse & thus start a life-sentence if we don't truly forgive?" which ever route you pick, make no mistake, its gonna take alot of time, effort, & dedication until you have a NEW normal. above all, we nee to keep/put God 1st in our marriage.

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THe answer can vary greatly by the interpretation of the questions. It can change depending on what your defination of forgiveness is. My defination is that you accept that the past couldn't have happened any differently. That doesn't mean that you condone the behavior, but that you accept that the past is the past and cannot be changed... That being said, Maya Angelou says " When a person shows you who they are, believe them" If you don't believe a person when they show you who they are, when you think that it happened once, it was just a mistake, I can change them, you care not accepting and believing who your partner is. You are loving "blindly" because you do not see them, and who they see and perceive themselves to be ( ie a cheater). They will in all likeliehood continue this behavior & there is nothing that can be done to change it, unless the "cheater" recognizes the devestating affects their behavior has on people, and changes themself.

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Absolutely not! I speak from experience. I forgave my cheating ex-husband that moved out and in with the other woman. He came home 5 months later as I said I would forgive and move on for our families sake/my 6 year old. He stayed 6 months and one day I came home from working as a teacher and found all of his stuff gone and a note on the desk. He had gone back to the same woman he cheated on me with the first time. So that being said, absolutely not. Once a cheater always a cheater.

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I have. My husband and I had just lost our son. Two months after, I found out. I was completely heart broken. At first I wanted to just leave, but I realized that I had made a commitment to my husband , my God and my children. We did seek counsel for grief and marriage. We learned that everything we thought we had, had to be torn down and rebuilt as a result of the violation of trust. It took a lot of time to rebuild that trust, but after we started "over", our marriage was built on a much stronger foundation, and marriage. We learned the number one reason for divorce among a couple who have lost a child, is cheating. Once we realized that his cheating had nothing to do with me, but with his own failed attempt at overcoming his grief; we both understood how much we wanted our marriage to work, and how much we loved our family and each other. We were determined to keep going, and I am so glad we did. Trust is a pattern, a repetition. In order to trust again, that partner who violated the trust, has to continually show that you can trust him. It takes time to build trust up, but only takes 1 second to tear it down. You have to decide whether your marriage/relationship is really worth what you thought it is, or if it is better to just walk away. Is it worth fighting for? Ours was, and we did. Our marriage is strong, firm, and built on a solid foundation.

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I AM HAPPY FOR YOU

0 0

hello my people out there that are in the same position which i was before and now i am in the next level with the powerful spell of DR. CHECK last week my i was able to contact templeoflove1@gmail.com and i told him the problem i am having with my boyfriend and he told me he will be able to give me solution,but i never believed him until yesterday when my boyfriend came to my house and was begging me to forgive him for his pass life and he was promising me that he will never hurt me no matter what i do to him.i am very happy because he has never gave me his attention that was why i was angry with him initially and now he loves me and i love him.this is my advice to who ever than have problem with his relationship should conted DR. CHECK so that your problem should stop.He is tested and trusted by me and it was a friend that told me to contact his email and this is real

3 0

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3 0

Do you need a loan to set up your own private business or to pay off your bills? apply now via Email williamqueen@blumail.org apply with Name: Country: Amount Needed: Loan Duration: Phone Nub#: Company E-mail: williamqueen@blumail.org Mr William

6 0

My name is James. I wanted to thank Lord. Azeez for helping me get my girlfriend Roxanne back. She broke up with me last month and I have been miserable ever since the day she left. I ordered a Return My Ex-Girlfriend Love Spell and within a couple of days we were back together! I have to say I am very pleased how fast and effective the spells are. I am also going to order a Money Spell to help with some finances. I would like to propose to Roxie and I want to give her the ring she deserves! Thanks a bunch! to lordazeez1990@hotmail.com for the help am grateful

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I think it takes a lot more thought, self reflection and strength to get passed an affiar. Anyone who calls a person weak for that is COMPLETELY wrong. A relationship can be mended and can become stronger after the fact. This requires both sides to follow through on their own end of the deal. I know several couples who have done such and they 50 years later are still married (and yes, happy). It takes alot more form the victim in the scnerio then people realize to try and work things out, it requires alot of work and thinking passed what might be your first reaction.

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Love conquers all... if you see your cheater husband laments, feel so sorry and very apologetic for what he did, then I believe everyone deserves a second chance. Besides a mistake never cures a mistake. If you won't stand up and face the problem, then you'll end up either looking for perfect men or hypocrites.

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Ekaka. When I found your email ekakaspelltemple@yahoo.com I was so frustrated with what had recently happened. There were two of us in line for a great promotion at work. However, I was not willing to fix the books like my manager wanted so I did not get the promotion the other guy did. I really needed that to survive as I was barely getting by on my measly pay. I found your site and knew what I wanted I wanted my manager to finally be caught, along with the guy that now had the promotion, wanted them both to get what they deserved. A week after requesting the ramshackled finances revenge spell our company was audited, the accounting discrepancies were found and the people responsible were let go and brought up on fraud charges. I now have my ex-managers job and don’t expect my employees to fix anything other than their mistakes.

2 0

Brenda Mc Keehan. San Francisco, CA. “Thank You very much helptemple@gmail.com The Love Spell you provided to me worked fast and effective. I was a very lonely person, and everybody I met somehow rejected me. After several days I received your package I met a very special person that has same interests as I do, cares about me, and more importantly really loves me. You have changed my life.”

2 0

Sharon Burns. Houston, TX “I thought many times before getting into your web site. I thought you were a scam. My sincere apologies. I contacted you because my personal life was upside down. My husband for 5 years was going in the wrong direction. He got attracted by a mysterious woman at work, and moved with her for 4 months. I told you my problem, and after a couple of weeks I received your package things started to be as before. He came back to our house saying he doesn’t know what happened, and he was sorry about leaving. Our relationship is stronger than ever. Thanks helptemple@gmail.com

3 0

Hello all, Many of you ask yourself, what if i had the password of my friend / girlfriend / boyfriend, associate, life partner to know the truth about your near partner, and reassuring that they do not hide you something. You have the right to be reasured ! For all that are in need of this kind of services We come to your aid, feel free to contact us on our mail for any information, we will be happy to help you "Owning the information, means having the power " discovermypass@yahoo.comAdd a comment

5 0

I am still surprised on how Dr.Zabaza was able to get my lover back to me within 48hours, The thing that surprises me most is that she now committed to me like never before. While what do i have to say than to thank God for making me come in contact with Dr.Zabaza. Contact Dr.Zabaza on zabazalogan@yahoo.com or call +2348182620374 APRIL UNITED KINGDOM

0 0

dr.marni has made in wonders in my relationship! The love spells casted by dr.marnish@yahoo.com made my man who broke up with me 4 months ago keep calling me to see how I am doing and just talking constantly and I knew it was because of the love spell which dr.marnish did for me, my man wanted to hear my voice. Only 3 days after the love spell was cast my man told me that he wanted to come by to the house claiming he needed a outfit and he looked so lost and sad like he lost his best friend and I knew he missed me and I felt it, because i can see the sadness on his face....He said he would come the next week to visit and 2 days later after he said that at my house he wanted to move back in with me. to my surprise, he came back the next morning he was all on me kissing and rubbing on me telling me how much he missed me and loves me so much that he wants me back. i was happy and i gladly took him back, thanks to dr.marnish for helping me to bring my lover back Jewels Allegro from USA

1 0

My name is Kristine Bullock. My life has been sour since i became a cripple at the age of 13 and this has really affected my living. I met Nelson during the Olympic when i was 24 years old and he was a very funny and caring guy who taught me how important i am to world. He made me understands been crippled is not the end of the world for me and i was very happy having him as my companion. Nelson was a very hardworking guy and he promise to marry me before he left for business trip in China. Two months later he arrived from China and never visited me. I was told by my brother that Nelson is now going out with my friend and this really broke me down cos he is the only one that truly loves me. No one wants to go out with me because i am a cripple. I and my brother traveled to South Africa to watch the world cup when i heard about Prophet TB Joshua Church. I never believe in God because i am a cripple and i believe that no one can ever make me walk again but when i heard about his great power, i decided to go there. I begged my brother to take me Prophet TB Joshua Church. I spent 7 days in his healing center and it surprises me that on the 7th day, i was able to stand and walk. The prophet told me that Nelson was under a spell and he prayed for me to destroy every obstacle in my life. I came back home and i was shocked to see Nelson. He came and begged me for forgiveness, our relationship came back normal. I am very happy to inform the general public that i and Nelson are happily married since October last year and i am pregnant. I know that people might be passing through any problem and i will advise you to contact Prophet TB Joshua Church because his miracle is free. His email address is prophettbjoshuahealingcentre@gmail.com

0 0

I would like to give my story. I am almost 29 and most likely about to lost my lover. After proposal to me to marry him, but I can't see another way then i seek spell powers to make him see how much i love him. I saw comments on this spell lady priestessifaa@yahoo.com she was now the one that cast the spell for me and my marriage date is certain now and sure. Am so happy.

0 0

I would like to give my story. I am almost 29 and most likely about to lost my lover. After proposal to me to marry him, but I can't see another way then i seek spell powers to make him see how much i love him. I saw comments on this spell lady priestessifaa@yahoo.com she was now the one that cast the spell for me and my marriage date is certain now and sure. Am so happy.

1 0

My name is Rose Magret, this is a testimony that i will tell to every one to hear. i have been married four 4years and on the fifth year of my marriage, another woman had a spell to take my lover away from me and my husband left me and 2 kids and we have suffered for 3years until i met a post where this man Dr.npitmeh have helped someone and i decided to give him a try to help me bring my lover back home and believe me i just send my picture to him and that of my husband and after 48hours as he have told me, i saw a car drove into the house and behold it was my husband and he have come to me and the kids and that is why i am happy to make every one of you in similar to met with this man and have your lover back to your self. His email: npitimehspirituralhome@gmail.com

1 0

My Name is paul.I will love to share my testimony to all the people in the forum cos i never thought i will have my girlfriend back and she means so much to me..The girl i want to get marry to left me 4 weeks to our wedding for another man..,When i called her she never picked my calls,She deleted me on her facebook and she changed her facebook status from engage to Single…when i went to her place of work she told her boss she never want to see me..I lost my job as a result of this cos i cant get myself anymore,my life was upside down and everything did not go smooth with my life…I tried all i could do to have her back to all did not work out until i met a Man when i Travel to Africa to execute some business have been developing some years back..I told him my problem and all have passed through in getting her back and how i lost my job…he told me he gonna help me…i don’t believe that in the first place.but he swore he will help me out and he told me the reason why my girlfriend left me and also told me some hidden secrets.i was amazed when i heard that from him..he said he will cast a spell for me and i will see the results in the next couple of days..then i travel back to Germany the following day and i called him when i got home and he said he’s busy casting those spells and he has bought all the materials needed for the spells,he said am gonna see positive results in the next 2 days that is Thursday.My girlfriend called me at exactly 12:35pm on Thursday and apologies for all she had done ..she said,she never knew what she’s doing and her sudden behavior was not intentional and she promised not to do that again.it was like am dreaming when i heard that from her and when we ended the call,i called the man and told him my my girl friend called and he said i haven’t seen anything yet… he said i will also get my job back in 3 days time..and when its Sunday,they called me at my place of work that i should resume work on Monday and they gonna compensate me for the time limit i have spent at home without working..My life is back into shape,i have my girlfriend back and we are happily married now with a baby boy and i have my job back too.This man is really powerful..if we have up to 20 people like him in the world,the world would have been a better place..he has also helped many of my friends to solve many problems and they are all happy now..Am posting this to the forum for anybody that is interested in meeting the man for help.you can mail him to priest_gbenga.magic_temple@priest.com, I cant give out his number cos he told me he don’t want to be disturbed by many people across the world..he said his email is okay and he also have a web site if you want to visit him there’ he will replied to any emails asap..hope he helped u out too..good luck. his web site is http://www.priestgbengamagictemple.webs.com PAUL MULLER

1 0

I had a reading with Dr. Kpelede on net because I was having problems with my marriage. Initially, I was nervous and didn’t know what to expect from him. Immediately, Dr. Kpelede told me that the reason I was having problems in my marriage is because my husband was cheating with another woman. I suspected for months that my husband had been cheating but I couldn’t pinpoint for sure. I have decided to allow Dr. Kpelede to do some spellwork for me and it turned out to be the result I was expecting, my husband is now back to me and he promise he will never hurt me again. If you need Dr. Kpelede help just contact him on his email via: kpeledesolutiontemple@gmail.com.

1 0

I had a reading with Dr. Kpelede on net because I was having problems with my marriage. Initially, I was nervous and didn’t know what to expect from him. Immediately, Dr. Kpelede told me that the reason I was having problems in my marriage is because my husband was cheating with another woman. I suspected for months that my husband had been cheating but I couldn’t pinpoint for sure. I have decided to allow Dr. Kpelede to do some spellwork for me and it turned out to be the result I was expecting, my husband is now back to me and he promise he will never hurt me again. If you need Dr. Kpelede help just contact him on his email via: kpeledesolutiontemple@gmail.com.

5 6

yes , i tend to think the same , if some thing is brocken , i try and fix it, at least give it a try

30 0

My Name is jay Stacey, i want to share my testimonies with the general public about what this man called Dr emua has just done for me , this man has just brought back my lost Ex husband to me with his great spell within 24 hours. I was married to my husband Alans jay, we were together for a long time and we loved our self’s but when I was unable to give him a child for 2 years he left me and told me he can’t continue anymore then I was now looking for ways to get him back until i sow a testimony in the internet about dr emua, and how powerful his spell work is, so i decided to contact him via his email (dremuahelphome@outlook.com)then you won’t believe this when I contacted this man on my problems he cast a very strong spell for me and bring my lost husband back within 24hrs, and after a month I miss my monthly period and went for a test and the result showed that i was pregnant. i am happy today am a mother of a baby girl, thank you once again the great Dr emua for what you have done for me.Contact him on his private email dremuahelphome@outlook.com if you are out there passing through any of this problems or predicaments in your life. try him any you will forever remain happy. 1) If you want your ex back. (2) if you always have bad dreams. (3) You want to be promoted in your office. (4) You want women/men to run after you. (5) If you want a child. (6) You want to be rich. (7) You want to tie your husband/wife to be yours forever. (8) If you need financial assistance. (9) How you been scammed and you want to recover you lost money. (10)if you want to stop your divorce. (11)if you want to divorce your husband. (12)if you want your wishes to be granted. (13) Pregnancy spell tp conceive baby (14)Guarantee you win the troubling court cases & divorce no matter how what stage (15)Stop your marriage or relationship from breaking apart. once again the email address is dremuahelphome@outlook.com contact him immediately.

1 0

Have been all over looking for solution to my Marriage until i tried out the internet, I found a Dr Kpelede whom people talked about and shared good testimonies about him, My Husband has decide to leave our marriage, because he said he can't stand my mom, But i love my Husband so much that i can let him leave after 8years of marriage. So the Dr Kpelede did changed the whole problems and issue to testimony, He did a spell to calm and reconcile my mom and my Husband and then carryout a spell to make my husband love me more and remain in our marriage. I saw results after 2days and to be frank, this Dr Kpelede is a God sent. My family is as peaceful and lovely as i asked for..I'm grateful.friends in case you need the help of Dr Kpelede kindly email him on (kpeledesolutiontemple@gmail.com ) or call him on +2347038111854, Sir i will forever recommend you.

1 0

Have been all over looking for solution to my Marriage until i tried out the internet, I found a Dr Kpelede whom people talked about and shared good testimonies about him, My Husband has decide to leave our marriage, because he said he can't stand my mom, But i love my Husband so much that i can let him leave after 8years of marriage. So the Dr Kpelede did changed the whole problems and issue to testimony, He did a spell to calm and reconcile my mom and my Husband and then carryout a spell to make my husband love me more and remain in our marriage. I saw results after 2days and to be frank, this Dr Kpelede is a God sent. My family is as peaceful and lovely as i asked for..I'm grateful.friends in case you need the help of Dr Kpelede kindly email him on (kpeledesolutiontemple@gmail.com ) or call him on +2347038111854, Sir i will forever recommend you.

0 0

My mother told me about Dr Ajayi ololo spell casting work that is harmless that is just for me to get back with my wife. That is not going to harm me or harm anyone but just to make the person know that he truly love and care about you. My mother open up to me that it was Dr Ajayi ololo that cured him of her cancer that i should contact him to bring back home my wife after divorce. Mummy thank you,you are sure a good mother and best in the world. my wife in home now and over love if stronger than when we first come in contact with each other. The only email of this man is (ajayiololo@yahoo.com) that my mother ask me to contact.

0 0

Started a few years ago. I thought we were happy. We were your usual suburban professional couple. Financially secure, healthy, good sex life, two kids (14f and 9m at the time). I thought we had a healthy social life. We were going through one of your typical married couple rough patches. Both of us were working long hours, not spending enough time together, we were going through some developmental problems with my son and tensions in the house were running a little high. I noticed that she was spending a lot more time on her phone texting with her "girlfriends". I didn't think much of it. I started making a much more concerted effort to get out of work when I could, help around the house and be more emotionally available, but over the course of a few weeks the gulf just kept getting wider. The next day after I took the day off to knock out some projects that I thought would make her happy, and left her some sweet notes reminding her how much I appreciated her she was once again in the corner of the living room "texting her girlfriends". I decided to embark on finding out what was going on and i was reffered to by my old friend to a white hat who literally made me end the whole union but made me move on with my life! I obtained the results from the hacker and all of my flaws, insecurities and secrets I entrusted to my partner were now fodder for her and JBC(her affair partner). Not only that, but while there wasn't outright sexting there was a sexual I took off the next day and spent some time soul searching, drinking and trying to figure out what to do. The wife came home and wanted to know what was wrong and I just coped out and told her I had a bad day. A couple minutes later I was watching the iPad as the train wreck kept unfolding. So began a couple solid weeks of receiving screenshots and results, drinking and detaching myself from the relationship. I knew there was no going back from this. I consulted a lawyer and got my options, and started moving forward. If my life story seems similar to yours i advice you take actions and contact her for a positive life changing experience: Contact:Cleopatra11011AToutlookDOTcom

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