How can you help your gay child?

You find out or suspect that you child is gay. What can you do to help him?

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40  Answers

0 2

I have taken the time to read the comments and felt the need to respond. I am a lesbian who had three children of my own and raised two more. One of those two ended up being gay. I suspected that he might be gay from the time he was four or five years old. I kept my suspicions to myself because his father was just as narrowminded as some of the people who have shared their opinion here. The question is: "How can you help your gay child?" You can help your gay child with unconditional love and acceptance. We are talking about your child. Someone you gave birth to, who is a part of you. Do you want them to live a life of pain and guilt? Quote the bible to them. It will not stop them from being who they are. Some gay children experience so much guilt and shame that they take their own life. Could you live with yourself if your child killed his/herself because you couldn't accept them for who they are? Your child is still your child, gay or straight. The only thing that has changed is what you know about your child. A true mother's love is unconditional and will be there long after she is gone. How can you help your gay child? Love them with no conditions, protect them as much as possible with your own acceptance, inform them of the uglies that society harbors and be there for them. They didn't need you when you were changing their diaper or putting the bandage on that little cut or picking them up from football practice as much as they need you now. Oh, by the way, the bible was written by man fifty years after Jesus died. It was written from word of mouth. You know...one person told a story to another and that person told it to another who decided to write it down. I did research when I was struggling with my own sexual identity years ago. If you want to quote the bible, quote the part that says: judge not, lest ye be judged, and: love thy neighbor. Enough said...

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0 0

Thank you Joanne! As a gay parent of two children I have also been deeply concerned and offended by some peoples remarks on this topic. We are asked how to help our children, and a part of that is educating them about prejudice from others, which has been well examplef by some comments in this forum. It always will be a topic of much differences, unfortunately.

1 3

Your response brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for writing it. I am tired of all the bible talk. My moms are gay. I love them with all my heart. They raised me to be a loving, compassionate individual with a free mind. I would not be the person I am today if it were not for their love and teaching of tolerance. Nothing they have ever done was deviant or sinful. All they have ever done is LOVE.

0 0

You hit it right on the button. I also was raised with the Bible but my God is a loving God and I know he loves my Granddaughter gay or not. When I leave this earth I know I will see my baby girl again right next to me.

2 45

Of course God loves everyone. But the Bible also says he is just and righteous. Your baby girl meaning your granddaughter? I hope you do see her in Heaven, as will I. But we cant get into Heaven by being "good". Heaven isn't based off our standards, its based on Gods. I hope you will see her, in fact you will if she confesses her sin and accepts that she has violated Gods standards and he WILL forgive her. Forgiveness gets you into Heaven, not by anything we could do or say...

20 33

Yes God LOVES everyone however he does not love sin. Homosexuality is sin according to God's word, the Bible, which was divinely inspired by God. Also equally sinful are premarital sex, murder, stealing ,lying, etc. None is greater than another in God's eyes. I will be teaching my daughters this whether they have lesbian tendencies or not. We're all sinners and it's only by God's GRACE that we will enter His kingdom if we will accept Him. He LOVES us and the only thing that He wants is a relationship with us. Like a father and child. When one has a relationship with Christ, we die to our sinful nature (wants and desires) and He lives in and through us. GOD CAN transform the life of a homosexual. I'm teaching my girls to LOVE everyone as God loves us. I once babysat a boy who everyone suspected was gay and he got teased for it. I never once teased him or treated him any differently. I respected him and loved him as a person and he knew that. It didn't change the inevitable but at least he knows where I stand. We can agree to disagree unfortunately one of us is wrong. Eternity is a long time so be sure that it's really worth the risk.

2 23

I don't KNOW if God lets homosexuals into heaven. I don't KNOW if the Bible is real, although in my heart I believe it is. I DO know however, that for a parent to put conditions on loving their children- well that is disgusting. I DO know that hurting your children and shaming and guilting them is never going to change their behaviors, and all it is just going to cause a rift between you and your child. Quite possibly an irreperable one. No one says that you have to condone their behavior. You just don't have to guilt them. Example: "Mom, Dad, I'm gay, and I hope that you can still accept me for who I am". Mom or Dad: "Well, you know that as Christians we believe that your actions are leading you down a path away from God which we are obviously upset about, but you are still our child, and that will never change and we will always love you.( if necessary- You will always be welcome in our home, with the same rules we have always had.) We will respect your freedom to make your own choices in life so long as you respect the fact that we are not happy about this one. More than anything we want you to know that you are now, always have been, and always will be our (son/daughter). As illustrated that should be the WORST reaction that a parent has. God shouldn't be the excuse to spread hate. God is discriminate- he does not let those who sin into heaven, and well that may be homosexuals- I don't know. But the fact is that he gave EVERYONE free will, and that's their choice to make, and God's position to judge.NOT MINE. Homosexuals will still be a part of my very loved circle of family, friends, and the guys at the HEAT in San Antonio, who have protected me more than once from boyfriends who tried to hurt me one way or the other.

2 45

I agree with Joanna! Unconditional love is most improtant! Let your child know that you accept them for who they are.

0 14

The bible is not hearsay. It is God "breathed". He ordained each and every word. If you don't agree with what it says and need to understand it better, go back to the Latin or Hebrew and you will find it is alive and well, each and every word of it.

19 13

there is no god,therefore the bible is just folktales @ law and morality ...take it with a grain of salt just like canterbury tales or nights of the round table...love your children unconditionally or reap the consequences...

21 15

Thank you Joanne! One thing I hate is how Christians preach to people constantly. Jesus didn't get people to follow him by him preaching, he did it through love. Goes with the saying my mom used to sY all of the time, "You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar." Sadly, I used to be just like them when I was little, but I came to the realization that I was judging. I have had to deal with being made fun of due to my weight for years, I didn't like it. I won't be treating anyone like that, gay, straight or bi. Another thing you can add to your arsenal of knowledge, to throw back in the judging's face, "Do to others as you would have them do to you." Luke 6:31 (NIV) I will love my daughter no matter what.

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As a biblical scholar, graduate of seminary, experienced minister, and someone who has spent decades studying scriptures and studying religion, let me add that there are now, and have always been, multiple views on how to interpret the Bible. There are millions of people in established churches who interpret the Bible differently from millions of other people in other established churches. No one can say "my way is the only correct way to read the Bible" without declaring millions of self-proclaimed Christians, clergy, bishops, and entire faith communities invalid. The debate on scriptural interpretation is important, but it is ultimately a fruitless one when one side says "my view is the only right one, and I am closed to any debate." Scholars have examined, interpreted, debated, written volumes and volumes on contentious scriptures for the past two millenia, and we are not going to solve that issue here. The only important point about scripture for this forum is that it IS debated, that there ARE multiple views that millions of Christians in entire faith structures hold to be valid, and that THEREFORE, no one person's/group's view in this forum ought to be taken as either Standard Christian or as Divinely Revealed Truth. Scriptural debates aside, I do feel the need to highlight, as some others have, the importance of Christian Compassion. Even IF (and it is indeed a huge IF, and one that I do not personally hold true) scriptures do (in the balance) denounce homosexuality, Jesus himself repeatedly broke other aspects of the "holiness code" - which is the type of law homosexuality would fall under - for the sake of compassion. In light of the suicide rates for queer youth, the choice for a Christian is, to me, quite clear - if one wants to follow Jesus. Keep in mind, however, that most people who use scripture to denounce homosexuality actually operate under a different agenda - they generally already feel homosexuality threatens the patriarchal social pyramid of our culture, with God on top, then Man, then Woman, then Child, then Animals. Homosexuality necessarily changes that paradigm in a way some people find threatening - the same way people have found it threatening when women became pastors of churches and had "spiritual authority" over men. (And other such changes, the list is long.) So truly, it is usually useless to debate the "ethics" of homosexuality with those who quote scripture, because they generally have a completely different issue at the heart of their worldview - one that you will not be able to alter through ethical or scriptural discourse. That said, the one thing I have found to change people's hearts more than anything else - quite dramatically - is exposure. When those who have been taught scriptural prohibitions against homosexuality are exposed to (openly) LGBT people in an extended, meaningful way - enough to build actual relationships with them - they frequently change their minds about the issue. If they do not, they tend to be quite strongly frightened and threatened by the chaos they associate with changes to the above-mentioned power hierarchy. Finally, the good news is that young Christians today are increasingly tolerant of queer folks - they tend to ask "why does the church hate my gay friends?" The demographics are clear - this issue is on its way out. Yes, of course bullying is still a huge crisis, and we must continue to address it head-on with tolerance programs, education, etc. However, the tide has turned. When my one year-old is my age, she will shake her head and ask me "What was the big deal about gays again?" And I will hug her and say, "I'm so glad you are mystified by that." Respectfully, TGM

0 0

I quite agree. No one suddenly decides to be gay, it's not that simple. My brother is gay, I have had a lesbian relationship when in my early twenties, these are what happens. My step father was disappointed in my brother and they barley speak these days. As my parents lived in a different area, I did not flaunt my relationship with Johnna, although was and still am proud of my adventures, all be it a little selfishly, but I didn't ask for her to fall in love with me. I think of her with fondness. If you love your child, it surely is unconditional; you wouldn't love them any less if they had three legs of only one. I found the subject of this discussion, worrying and objectionable. We live in a multi cultural growing society and sexulaity is a very personal thing. I am now engaged to marry a man, whom is everything I need and want. We are in a deep loving relationship and I'm looking forward to baring is child some day soon!

0 0

I as a Christian judge no one as we ALL have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. And Abba Father loves His children more than we will ever be fully able to comprehend on this earth, but He did give us a free will to choose right from wrong and He clearly has told us what that is and in the end one day no matter what path we have taken to God we will stand before Jesus the righteous judge...the One given the power and authority to judge us all.....will each of us stand before Him as judge or Savior...it is up to us whether we walk in rebellion the worlds way or walk the true way of Love God's way. Scripture has been proven to be the most historically accurate writings ever written through all of time. The message of the Gospel of Jesus Christ is nothing but love......and He states the first and only commandment which is "Love the Lord your God will all your heart, soul and mind and love your neighbor as yourself". The Truth is that when we love and know the man Jesus and His Father the other laws are written on our hearts and we have no desire to walk outside of His righteousness. But this is folly to all those who are perishing. Do we discipline our children? Well yes of course we do because we love them and desire the best for them. Do they have a choice as to how they behave? Of course they do. Who set the standards/laws? We as the parents do just soo our Heavenly Father loves us and desires the VERY best for us which is His way. The last time I tried I could not create a tree or an animal but He has created everything for His purpose...to glorify and honor Him...yeap He wants us all to Himself the perfect way He created us and the way the earth was meant to be so He sent His son Jesus and all we have to do is believe in Him, receive the free gift and we will be saved. But eventually it will cost us everything to follow a pure, holy and righteous God. Search it out for yourself....it is not about a church or religion it is knowing the living God, Jesus. So I will continue to pray for people to be delivered from homosexuality and know the only, living, true God and that His way for families and children will be upheld. Just know that Jesus loves you and so do I.

2 83

You are just plain awesome! Enough said!

0 12

Actually, what is up for debate is not "whether to love God/neighbor and be righteous" but rather "what it means to love God/neighbor and be righteous." Who decides which scriptures are most central to following God? Is the holiness code central? If so, women must leave town when they menstruate, and no one can wear clothing of mixed fabrics (cotton/polyester). Many Christians now believe, based on scripture, that God created lgbt people as equally beautiful and equally valued as non-lgbt people, and that lgbt people are equally in God's image, equally to be celebrated as part of God's diverse creation, and that lgbt voices are necessary and important in the world - in other words, lgbt folks have a special, honored place at the table, because their perspectives are necessary to help all humanity grow into God's likeness and usher in the kin-dom of God, of justice, peace, and harmony with all creation. So - yes, by all means - I too celebrate that God loves all people. God created lgbt people on purpose, as beautiful, precious, cherished, honored persons, who are equally created in God's image. And when we study the scriptures with reverence and respect for the way they were written and the way they were meant to be read, we do find God's meta-law of compassion written on our hearts, one in which we are called to heal/deliver people from the sins of intolerance, bigotry, and injustice, by helping to comfort their fears and enlighten their ignorance with God's Truth, Peace, and Love.

0 12

It is important to realize - if any of you who are Christian ever do have a gay child - that you may yearn for a Christian community that will support and accept your child just as s/he is, without trying to change him/her. Those communities are plentiful now, and they are just as valid as other Christian communities. They love the Bible just as much, they follow God and Jesus just as passionately, and they are just as devoted to their faith. So, if you ever find yourself in crisis because you have a depressed, potentially suicidal teenager and a church that is making your child feel like an "abomination", please go to www.gaychurch.org to find a list of churches that will help your child love him/herself and lower their risk for suicide.

15 19

Amazing words Joanna Jenkins!!! Being a good parent is all about loving your babies no matter what. Be happy your child is alive and well and enjoy and love them to pieces. We have 2 gorgeous girls who we absolutely adore who makes us laugh every day now if one or both of my children came to me in life and said they were gay it would not matter and it SHOULD not matter as long as you enrich your children with life tools from birth they should conquer the world no matter who they are. There are some dreadfully mean and ignorant people out there but you dont have to be gay to come accross them in life.

0 85

I have a nephew that we have suspected over the years. He has a lot of feminine ways and this year he told his mom and my sisters that he was gay. This was not shock for us because we was basically waiting on him to tell us but when he did tell us we all hugged him and told him we love him regardless. My oldest sister denied her son when he told her. He ended up dead on the streets and we just couldn't let that happen to my other nephew. My oldest sister is going to have to give in count of how she treated her son and everything. I know what the bible says but it also says LOVE EVERYBODY.

0 0

Way to go Joanne!!! What you said was perfect. Im a new mother and I cant love my son enough.. I dont care what sexual prefernce he has, I will love him no matter what and cant even think about not loving him for any reason.. I never knew I could love someone so much. I have not read many other posts here yet, but I feel that if you are not going to have constructive critisizime then dont answer. People here are asking for help. They are not asking to be judged and if you are going to be nasty to a CHILD because of sexual pref then you need not comment!!!!

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I would like to hear from a list of comments which people were being not nice. Most I read, were open. As for religion, is is apart of all of us whether one practices or not. 85% of US our Christians. What our religion has to do with it is how we carry our our daily life as Jesus did. Some people take the Bible literally. Personally, I do not and take it as another historical tool for great learning. Our government was developed on the principals or the monotheistic beliefs during the rise of Christianity. Your right many people wrote the Bible. And when 85% of the use believes in living as Jesus lives. This how people are going to behave because it is how they think and live life. Being a Christian however, does not give license to be bully. I wish people would be nicer to me, then I have explain to everyone that my brain is not wired the same and it takes me longer to process and I impulsive. Some think that it is an excuse and just don't get it so if they don't get me and who I am loving me and accepting me. Well, then they are not someone I want to be around. Frankly, I live by the Bible in trying to be a good person an give to others that need my love and support. All my gay friends believe in God (this includes my closest friends that are lesbians too). I live my life as a Christian and I am proud of that! My child would not need my help so, it is a sill question. She would need my support. Both my daughters are already strong and confident (my older one is autistic-most kids won't friend her because she speaks way beyond her years and don't get her issues). She doesn't care because her friends that know her love her and accept her for who she is and not a label.

4 0

Beautiful Joanna! so well said

0 0

Well said Joanne

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well said! I was raised by my homosexual father... while it made times very tough for me since children are not very understanding and society still wears blinders... there is nothing you can do to change them.. they can not just stop being gay.. for it is not really a choice... it is just who they are. true unconditional love knows no boundaries

0 0

I agree ladies. And I just want to add to the irony of those people who call themselves Christians, but obviously don't know the teachings and ways of Christ. Christ's most reoccurring theme in The New Testament is tolerance and love. I suggest some of you Biblical folks do a little more studying and less lecturing. Know your religion... and then act accordingly.

108 7

Oh and now while we are at it we are not to demonize pedophiles. Those that prey on our children. The American Psychiatric Society now say that they are the victims not the children. Bull!! I guess it is their life style too. Right along with the Gay life style that we are supposed to embrace.

9 4

I didn't bother to read any other comments seeing yours was right at the top and said everything I would have liked to know! Thank you for that, Joanna!

0 0

@ susan Lentz --- The American Psychiatric Society says no such thing. Children ARE the victims of pedophiles. There is a huge difference between being gay and being a pedophile. Homosexuals have healthy relationships with other ADULT homosexuals. Hetrosexuals have healthy relationships with other ADULT hetro sexuals. Both straight and gay have CONSENTING sexual relationships. Pedophiles have unhealthy NONCONSENTUAL relationship using power and control and often violence with CHILDREN. Surely you didn't really mean what you said and con see the difference. Most children are molested by male hetrosexual pedohpiles. How do I know? I spent 2 yrs in the prison system interviewing pedophiles for my thesis. Where the "pedophile as victim" statement comes into play is that "many pedophiles where once victims of pedophiles" Violence begets violence. just as many children who witnessed domestic violence are more liekly to be in adutl relationships with violence.

12 0

The bible is all true , it is from GOD, READ THE BIBLE, OPEN THE BIBLE AND READ IT! READ THE HOLY BIBLE IT WILL TRANSFORM YOUR LIFE . NO BOOK IS MORE IMPORTANT OR VALUABLE

3 4

I really hope people someday get this message loud and clear. So many people condemn it as if love in any form could be a sin. I am not gay but I do believe we should be free to love whoever we want and god will not condemn us for loving one another and treating each other kindly. I do believe the bible teaches tolerance, but many forget that. I really hope that everyone can just one day be who they are without being persecuted

26 0

all I know is that if GOD *is* love, then wherever love is, there is God.i don't believe he hates gay people or is even against homosexuality.

4 0

Religious church leaders are against lesbians because they do not produce children to fill up their churches. It is about numbers. More numbers more money. Simple it is in the math. My religion/church After Life does not have any problem with filling numbers up. Mother looks at those who believe in a all powerful God as simple minded folks who need something even if its nothing. 2,000 years ago you needed large forces to attack and kill your enemy. Every female that could produce children was pregnant every year. Until they died in child birth. Toady it is not the matter of having a large male population to fight a war, but to have a means to fight a war. Gay today means different things then they did a couple of eons ago. The only real problem is the religious church who needs numbers and money to increase its wealth.

13 14

I believe and know that every time i look a my children ( irrespective of their age) all I see is love. I have always said that if there is something that can change the world from the bible, its what you have just quoted Joanna, don't judge lest you be judged. Theres also another one that says love your enemy and pray for them, we can not call ourselves christians if we choose to follow some quote and leave out others. Of everything in the world, LOVE is the greatest of all and you have that Joanna. You are a beautiful soul

3 1

I've got to thank you for your comment! Couldn't have said it any better.... :) xo

64 0

My mums gay. She has 4 kids who adore her, 6 grand kids who adore her even more and she is an angel. I wouldn't care if any of my children were gay. I was raised with religion as was my family, it makes no difference unles you let it I guess :) xx

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0 0

My son is only 4, so we're probably not anywhere close to knowing his sexual orientation. However, I plan to raise him to know that no matter what, his family will love him, accept him, and stand by him. He will know that just because some people are (I believe) born gay, does not make them bad people-just different-and different can be good. Obviously I will teach him it's not ALWAYS good, but it can be good as long as the person is a good person. I refuse to let my son be raised with hate in his heart, and I hope he learns acceptance as a result whether he turns out to be gay or not.

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Now that is what a good parent does... Teach acceptance and open-mindedness.. Not hate and ignorance because honestly being gay or related to someone gay cannot diminish your life...

0 8

If only all parents were living this belief. Good job. Thank you.

0 0

Thank you to those of you speak up for unconditional love. As the mom of a four year-old, I agree with Heather. As the friend of a gay man, who grew up in a fundamentalist houshold, I have seen the horribly damaging results of preconditions on parental love. My friend was sent to some sort of exedous program as a teen, when he came out to his mother. He married a woman at a young age and has two beautiful children. A fairytale ending, right? Wrong, He and his family have had to endure so much preventable pain as he struggles with his sexuality and his chosen life style. And, I wish his story was unique. There are too many others friends with similar stories.

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0 0

My son came and told me he was gay when he was 20 although it was still a shock i can't say i was surprised i had suspected it for a few year but hoped i was wrong.....i mst add not that i have anything against the gay community but its the fear of what life they will have .....i am pleased to say my son has a wonderful partner who i love to bits and we all get on so well they are engaged and will eventually tie the knot i couldn't have wished for him a better partner had he been hetrosexual .....I think to help him i will always be there for him whatever .

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I am also the mother of a gay adult son. You said all this so perfectly.

0 40

Hey Lynne your story sounds so much like mine my son told us when he was 22 and I too was shocked and yes for years suspected that he might be but hoped that I was wrong. I hate the ways some family members and friends appear to want to offer you sympathy when all you want is for them to treat it as normal as any other male / female relationship. On the other hand I have some family and friends that are so happy and talk about the relationship like someone would talk about a male / female relationship. My son too has found a gret partner who we get on very well and it has it's advantages as he is a hairdresser. My priest is very supportive of his relationship and is there for him and says that the church is not against this relationship they will support him.

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I guess I am shocked that this is still an issue for PARENTS, yes we cannot control society, but for a parent to even stop and 'think' about this surprises me. My daughter and I have a wonderful relationship, the same love, kindness and respect that we had before I discovered she was gay. This is of NO consequence to me at all, she is still the same wonderful terrific fantastic young woman that she always was and whom she chooses to love has NO bearing on anything that I feel for her. I realize society may not accept her choices in life, but that is THEIR problem and I will fight for her if necessary, just as I would over any other thing in her life that is important to her. From getting on the cheer leading squad to playing basketball, the smallest girl in her class, and this is no different for me. She can do what she wants, and makes her happy and I will stand by her No Matter what. That's all there is. Please stop seeing this as a problem in your own home, it is no different than anything else in a childs life, and it is up to us to NOT treat it like it is something more to us in our own homes and hearts.

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You are a fantastic mom!

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You really are a great mom.

0 0

I could not have said it any better myself!!

3 0

You said it Linda!!! Your daughter is so lucky to have you as her mother and her friend, I dont cry much but what you said made my heart melt and yes I cried.

0 13

Thank you so much for your insight! you are a great mom!

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5 40

For those of you bringing up the Bible and quoting verses; please stop. Not one of you have said anything truthful. Most Christians don't even understand the Bible and what it means. It wasn't written 50 years after Jesus died. It was written centuries before he lived and centuries after he died. It has been translated from ancient Aramaic, to Hebrew, to Latin, to French, to Italian, and then finally to English. There are hundreds of scriptures that are not in the versions sold to the masses; some of which do not condem homosexuality. The preists and church officials are the ones that chose which scriptures were "suitable" for us to read....what they want us to know. Being gay isn't the issue. The question here should be: "If you found out your child was an ignorant, judgmental, narrowminded, bigot, what would you do to help them?" Because in life I'm afraid living your life that way would be much more condeming than that of being gay. P.s. I'm not gay; I have a 2 year old son. I don't think he's gay but who the hell knows and more importantly who cares; not me. I love himmore than anything and nothing that the world can bring upon us will ever change that. Have a nice day ladies. :)

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Thank you Cynthia

3 13

The opinions of people who believe and quote Bible are just as valuable as the people who don't believe and quote the Bible and is necessary if you truly want to have a balanced discussion. Please don't disrespect us and/or belittle us by trying to hinder our free speech simply because it does not line up with your beliefs. Have a good night :-)

0 20

God does love all, and doesn't want anyone of us to perish in sin. He gives us all a chance to read and study the Bible, but we will be judged from his word on that last day. He says it is an abomination to be homosexual along with a lot of other sins. It doesn't matter what we think, he will be the final Judge.

1 14

I think, that the sexual orientation of one's child is totally irrelevant, as a parent. I am a Christian mother, I do believe in what God says in the Bible, but, there are more verses encouraging love, respect, and understanding (example: Jesus and the prostitute), than those judging. Our children are individuals, we guide them towards what we think is right but at the end we need to be respectful of their decisions.God is Love and love is tolerance and none of the issues we currently have in the world would have happen if we were able to tolerate each others thoughts. I do worry for my child's future because he might be discriminated against if he chose to be gay, but the gay part is not what worries me, it's the suffering he might encounter due to the lack of love tolerance and respect, of some people. We should raise our kids to respect, love, help, be kind, and then we might be able to enjoy a better world.

5 40

First of all to Keisha, and everyone else who may of misunderstood my post; I do believe in God, the Bible, and repenting for our sins. I am Catholic, go to church every Sunday and am raising my son to love and understand God. But not at the cost of loving himself. I never disrespected anyone; I simply said that most Christians do not understand the true meaning of the verses in the Bible. I never told anyone they can't believe what they want to believe just if they were going to use the Bible as a weapon in this conversation to do it using correct statements. There are scriptures in the Bible that were taken out by Royalty and very political Popes that do not condem homosexuality. And also if you're going to use the Bible as a source of conduct then you're automatically a hypocrite because there are about 22 Commandments alone and Christians only abide by 10 of them. Every Christian on this website that is using the Bible is breaking a Commandment. Thou shalt not. Make thee any graven image, or any likeness or any thing that is in Heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the waters beneath the earth. I wonder how many of you avidly avoid getting their picture taken or have absolutely no photos of anything in their home...my guess is none of you. How many of Christians get tattoos of their lost loved ones? How many Christians cut their hair? Thou shalt not round the corners of your heads, neither shalt thou mar the corners of thy beard. Ye shall not make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead, nor print any marks upon you: I am the Lord. If you're going to throw The Bible in other people's faces please be aware of The Bible; all of it. You cannot pick and choose which parts suit your personal beliefs. The Bible is an all or nothing deal. I believe the Bible is a beautiful wonderful collection of stories that can help you live a happy, fruitful life; however, it was written by man and I take into consideration what was probably altered or added to fit into their ways of thinking. If you want to disown your children, and stone them because they're gay, be my guest. I have a feeling that God won't be giving you praise for that kind of behavior...but that's just me.

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Cynthia you are right on in this post! Keisha it's ok to have an opinion, but when you use Biblical references and are not historically caught up on the facts about the Bible you someone may call you out on it. I think that is Cynthia's point. Some religious people base their beliefs solely on what someone else has told them and traditions. That's not being spiritually intuned, that's just being a follower. The Bible also has a historical aspect and people that say they live by it should also take the time out to learn that aspect of it. When you don't that is ignorant. This whole platform is open to all speakers so someone saying that they disagree with your aspect is not hindering you free speech, just as your disagreeing with them is not hindering theres. You may continue to post... I know I will.

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Leiliani and everyone else...being gay is NOT a choice. My field of study requires a lot of research and a lot of it is focused on homosexuality. Being gay is not something people choose to be; they're born that way. I didn't choose to be straight, I don't know about you but I can't just convince myself to be attracted to other women. It really pains me and truly, I feel it in my heart this abundant dispair for how much ignorance there is in the world, and how people can make judgments based soley on opinion without ever really knowing. Knowledge is power, and power is best asserted through patience not through force. And yes, thank you, Sophia. You said it maybe clearer than I had. Everything you said is absolutely right.

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You mean the book that was written by the fallible hands of man says.... I personally can't stand being in any debate with most Christians, as they do nothing but quote the Bible as their answer to everything. To me, that says they can't think for themselves. That they need a book to think for them. A book that society is still trying to figure out if it was written on fact or fiction..or both.

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The Bible was written by men and some historians believe some women have even written parts of the Bible. There are parts of the Bible that are very feminist...unlikely to be a man writing like that at the time the Bible was written. To be a true Christian it's important to not only go to church but to actually read, research, and understand the Bible. Just listening to other people and deciding who's opinion you like best is not being a Christian...it's been a fool...

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you missed the point.....HE didn't say it, a priest chose to put that passage in the bible to discourage what they saw as a perverted lifestyle. It's just after the passage that says a woman needs to stay in the house during her period......do you follow that one?

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Heather, I'm not sure who you're addressing because you didn't say so I'm just going to assume that you're talking to me. And if you read this thread thoroughly you would have seen that I am in no way promoting the Bible as a source of conduct.

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It's important to know what the customs of the times were when specific scriptures were written to understand the lesson. The custom at the time was for homosexual acts to be used to degrade or humiliate another person and THAT is what was being comdemned, NOT a loving homosexual relationship. Never mind the fact that meanings are changed in translation. Each person has a right to live based on their own religion, not yours...guaranteed by our Constitution. I think you missed the question..."How do I HELP my gay child?"....not how to HURT them with judgement.

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You are absolutely correct about the many translations of the bible having changed the context of what was originally written. You are also correct about many scriptures being lost or discarded centuries ago - I learned this from my Catholic religion teacher who was a feminist - i.e. the Dead Sea Scrolls, etc. I'm glad you posted. I must admit, that I hope my daughters will not be gay and not because I am against homosexuality but only because I know how difficult life will be for them if they are. However, if either or both turn out gay, I will still love them and support their life decisions but I still want grandchildren:) As for the bible toting people who have used the biblical word for their argument, I am appalled at their narrow-minded views and their conservative ideologies that are so archaic. If they actually knew anything about the true history of the church, they would stop rambling on about sin and abomination. Really, if God is a just and fair being, he/she would judge a person on his/her value system and not on their sexual orientation.

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Thank you Dianna! He will be the final judge and it really doesn't matter what any of us think. I love my 24 yr old son unconditionally. He has always been and will always be special to me. I love him without exception and I am teaching my younger daughter (13) to love him even though she has issues with the situation. But God did create us and when He did He created a man and a woman...not two of the same. He also created us to procreate and two of the same cannot do this. So I am not condeming anyone's choice but am saying that if this is what God had intended from the beginning He would have started it all out this way and then it would have ended because they would not have been able to reproduce. Not taking shots at anyone but would like for you all to just stop and think about the big picture. My God is a loving and forgiving God but He did start this world with a plan for us to multiply in love and I have a hard time believing that same sex partners was part of that plan. I love everyone and I don't pass judgement on anyone as that is God's job and not ours. This is just my opinion and food for thought.

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You would do exactly the same things you would do when you find out your other child is straight.

Love them unconditionally, hope they find that special someone fall in love with and to love them in return. You want your children to be real to themselves and not afraid or ashamed to be genuine.

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I would support my daughter and love her unconditionally. Exactly as I do now. I have two mothers (My mom is gay) so I already have experience with society and it's bigots. I will support her all the way.

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My partner and I have two beautiful girls ages 4 and 6. Yes we are lesbian parents, and I think it is great that you are all supportive of your Childs sexuality. It takes emense courage for a child to cone out as the fear of disappointment is do great. It is also very refreshing to hear from kids who have same sex parents and hear their support for their patents decision also. The decision to have children as a gay couple is just as frightening as coming out for the first time. And let me tell you, when you have kids you are coming out over and over again!! Great forum, I am very pleased there as so many supportive patents and kids out there :)

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I can't imagine a mother looking at her child in any other way than PURE LOVE.. I love my twin boys (6) so much-- There isn't a thing that they could do that would alter that fact. Sexuality is so trival to worry about.. I have bigger worries... I worry about their health, their mental health, and that they are growing up to be good humans. To worry about SEXUALITY... give me a break!!! My niece is struggling with cancer at 4.. worry about the things that really matter... Who they love isn't a worry.. I'll be happy that they grow up to experience love and support from WHOMEVER

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Serina, I think u should try to be a bit more sensitive. Everyone is different, and would react differently to the same situation. Just because this isn't a major issue for u, doesn't mean that someone else should be worried about it. Give people a chance to be themselves and don't ridicule them bacause their position is different than yours is. PLEASE!!

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Senna, it's tragic that your niece has cancer, but your problems are not the only ones in the world that are important. On this topic, you are either in denial or ignorant of the facts -- sexuality IS a health and mental health issue. Many, many gay kids are bullied, beaten and harassed because of their sexuality. The rate of suicide is much higher among gay teens than the general population. Most of the parents on here (myself included) love their gay children but fear for them in a world that is not always accepting, and sometimes downright brutal. Please think twice before you trivialize someone else's pain.

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Actually the way I read Serinas statement was different. What I thought Serina was saying was that it wouldn't matter to her if her children, twin boys, 6 were gay. She wouldnt disown her boys or turn against them if they were, she would be happy "that they grow up to experience love and support from whomever". and that she has more important things to worry about, as her niece with cancer than to freak out whether or kids discover they are gay one day. As long as they are happy. I dont think she was trivializing anyones situation. I dont know. Maybe I just read into her statement different than other people did. Seems people are ready to be on the defensive on the topic normally and I can understand. But I dont think that was the situation in her post. However, I could be wrong. Just sharing my opinion.

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I dont think Serina is Ridiculing anyone, just stating her position like everyone else on here, perhaps we should give serina the chance to be herself

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Respect, love and gratitude:)

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Serums, I personally think you were very sensitive! I commend you on your open-mindedness and love you have for your child!

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Sonja, personally I found your comment to Serina to be way more insensitive and condescending to her than her comment. Her comment was right on, there are much more serious life altering issues to worry about with our precious children, that to get so flustered over who they are attracted too. Should someone shun you if you are attracted to a blonde, hair blue eyed, lefthander because you believe that we should all be attracted to a red haired, green eyed righthander? As long as my children grown up to be respectful law abiding adults in healthy relationships ( not abusive) and love and respect those around them I am happy. I dont' want my kids to be bullied, or hated because of someon'es intolerance that they don't fit their mould..

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Sonja - I didn't read any ridicule in Serina's post - but to you I would say, bigotry invites ridicule. As it should. If 'your position' is anything other than one of understanding and acceptance in the face of difference, then you also invite ridicule, because you are a bigot.

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I don't think Serina is trying to be insensitive at all, but just trying to put things in perspective. And I completely agree with her. Though I can see how many parents, for one reason or another, may not like finding out that their child is gay, it is really far more important that our children are healthy and happy. Nothing else should matter.

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I AGREE THAT THERE ARE BIGGER THINGS TO WORRY ABOUT THAT SOMEONES SEXUALITY. I TAKE CARE OF PATIENTS WITH CANCER AND LIFE IS MORE THAN SOMEONES SEXUALITY. I DON'T LIKE CLOSE MINDED PEOPLE WHO CAN'T EXCEPT OTHERS FOR WHO THEY ARE. I KNOW SEVERAL GAY PEOPLE AND I ACCEPT THEM FOR WHO THEY ARE. IT'S ASHAME THAT NOT EVERYONE CAN BE ACCEPTED FOR WHO THEY ARE WHETHER IT'S THEIR RACE, SEXUALITY OR ANYTHING ELSE FOR THAT MATTER. I HOPE THERE IS A DAY SOMEDAY SOON WHERE THEY WON'T BE JUDGED FOR WHO THEY ARE.

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I kind of feel like you missed the whole point that serina was making?? And just like you, she is entitled to her opinion

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Sonja, I think what Serina means is that there are much bigger issues in life to worry about the sexual orientation of your child. Like if they're safe when they go out late and don't check in. Or whether you taught them well so they can successfully live on their own. So long as their happy, and not abused, who they partner with should be the last thing on a parent's mind.

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i also have a gay son and again its not what i would wish for my child to be but it is something that you must as a parent accept if you love your child. My son also has a wonderful partner and they are both extremely gentle happy people. It is certainly a shock when you are first told but it is something that very quickly becomes a concern to a parent because you know instantly that they are going to be met with widespread prejudice and disdain by the community at large. I support my son and his choice and if others choose not to then it is their loss.

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Nobody wishes for their child to be discriminated for something he cannot control. But it's good that you support him for having good judgment of character and a kind heart. After all, he has a choice in what kind of person he wants to be and if he picks another kind hearted person to be his partner, I'd say that is worth more than being a straight male with self esteem, anger, other issues that prevent him having a good quality of life

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Cynthia, I can understand why you would want someone to stop quoting the Bible because of what you believe the timelines were. But sadly, the only way to argue a point with a Christian is by using what they believe in. Which is why many Christians need to be told that it says "To love" in one form or another a lot more than it says to go kill someone because of this or that. Saying that, I think the best way to shut a Christian up, is to tell them that they are not acting like God when they are 'hating' the gays, or condemning them because "God is love." Btw, I am a Christian, so if any other Christians take offence to this, sorry. Only saying what you profess to believe and follow. Thank you Cynthia for sharing what you believe. It may or may not be complete fact but that may be true for a lot of things. Thank you. ....................... To those throwing scriptures out at us: "Judge not lest ye be judged." "But of these three things remain, faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." And: "Love thy neighbor as thyself." Not everyone is going to love you shoving scripture down their throats. In the same reguards, you aren't going to like it when someone starts shoving science and what they say really happened down yours. So how about we just love those that are gay, bisexual, or lesbian and leave the rest to the one that you trust in. He has bigger shoulders.

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Christians, you need to remember what the word says...with love and kindness have I drawn them. You give christianity a bad name when you spout venom and hatred. Hatred filled christians have been a blithe to the United States, it's no wonder people don't want to become christians; where is the change. It's not christ like to speak evil of others. I am a christian as well. I know without a doubt that the Lord loves everyone, that's why he distinguished himself from us by saying that he is not like man that he should lie. Men and women alike, lie, judge, and condemn without just cause. Thank God, that he is not like us...he gives unconditional love no matter what we do or say! Love and support your children because that is your duty as a parent. I have 2 teenage boys, I will love them no matter who thay choose to share their life with, that's why it's call unconditional love!!!

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How can you help your straight child?
You find out or suspect that you child is straight. What can you do to help him?

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perfect response!

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how come this one doesn't have more votes? lol

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My son was 17 when he told me he was gay. I already suspected that he was from a very early age. The only thing that went through my mind was not having grandchildren. Lol. I took him on holiday with some friends of his soon after, for his 18 th birthday, then we went to Manchester to celebrated with his cousins the best place in the North, Canal st, the heart of the gay village. He loved it. He also knew I was happy and supportive, which helped him immensely. He's a confident adult now, with lots of friends. He's studying to be a teacher at university. I'm so proud of him and love him dearly. I'm sure his future is going to be very bright indeed. X

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For any out there who knew their child was gay early on...what were the signs?

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It's not always a sign that they are gay but a boy who has alot of female friends and not many Male friends throughout alot of there young life can be a sign. My younger brother is gay and has only just told people and he is 19. He grew up with alot of narrow minded manly blokes and it was hard for him to keep his expressions to himself. There were not many other signs that I could see. Maybe because of that reson.

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Melissa, when your child gets all shy and blushes and gets giggly and gaga are they looking at an attractive person of the same or opposite gender?

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I'm going to approach this from another angle. My brother came to me when he was fresh out of college to tell me he was gay. I was heartbroken, but not for the reasons you might think. I love him no matter what, but I always thought he would be married with a family. I knew he was taking a difficult path. But, as time has gone on, he seems happier and more content with himself. He's a successful businessman and has loads of friends.

I say all this to point out that gay or "straight", this is just a small portion of who we are. Don't "help" your child, love him/her. Embrace every part of them completely. Encourage them in all their endeavors and let them know that when there's no one else on their side - you are.

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It's quite simple. You can help your gay child in the EXACT same way as you would help your straight child, give them unconditional love and support, and be Proud of them for being brave and strong enough to be honest about who they are.
It's amazing how quickly a conversation about gay people can bring out the bible-thumpers, but for all the ludicrous notions mentioned in the notes below, very few have actually bothered to answer the original question.
I am a Lesbian single mother with 2 daughters, and all i wish in the world for my girls is for them to find love and live happy lives... whether that is with a man or a woman as their partners could not be less important to me. I am proud of who I am, but let me assure you (some of the women on this page), that being Gay is NOT A CHOICE. I was most definitely born this way. Having said that, I wouldn't switch teams even if i could. It wouldn't be natural. :)

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Why does this topic, or more so the word " gay" always bring the religious debates into it?? Was the question about helping gay children or the teaching of the bible? I am confussed??? Religion, as usual, causing off topic debate and animosity. Pull your head out of the pages and address the question correctly please. Or when your child comes out will your help to them be from some scripture or from the love of your child in you heart?

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Right there with you.

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The reason is that people follow the rules of society and the rules of society came from the ten commandments. As an educated person I know how the Bible was used as a tool for learning (a public school graduate and teacher). Our society was built on the ideas of religion historically go back to the rise of Christianity so, to put it simply it is hard to teach and old dog new tricks. Our religion or lack of spirituality is is a LARGE part of who we are and our culture from the daily practices, how we communicate and even how we approach learning. Religion she should never be an excuse for hate and ignorance, but as apart of being connected to other humans, something greater than yourself and to live as a loving person.

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First off - it is an open-ended question so whatever a person comments as to how they would help is okay whether those of a differing opinion agree or not. Why are you so threatened by Christians remarking their beliefs? The Bible to the Christian is a book which teaches us how to live so of course we would seek the counsel of God through prayer and scripture to try to help our children. The Bible teaches that homosexuality is an abomination and what the consequence is (1 Corinthians 6:9). Romans 6:23 For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. Just as we would teach our children the 8th Commandment in love we would also teach them about other morals. Those who abide in Christ do not spout scripture - they live it.

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I also agree with Carol. The bible teaches us to love others and do not judge...but it also teaches that homosexuality is a sin. I would have a hard time at first accepting the fact that my child were gay, but i would still love them unconditionally, I just could not condone that lifestyle. I believe that if you are a christian and you are gay...you should live a celebate lifestyle and not be involved in a homosexual relationship. Just as a recovering alcoholic will always be one but avoids drinking alcohol. God loves us all as we are but wants us to live by his word and honor him with everything that we do.

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I agree with you 100% Melissa. Religion as nothing to do with preferences. Carol maybe you should get your hear out of the clouds and live your own life instead of following made up rules from a fictional book. Also, I hate to burst your bubble Carol but all men during "biblical times" has sex with their younger male students and only had their wives to produce off springs. It's not an abomination it's a freedom of choice!

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vicki,i m confused ,you would love them unconditionally but not condone it...would he and partner be allowed over for dinner?and if he s not celibate,then you wouldn t accept him...that s not definition of unconditional love.i m glad you weren t my mother

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I agree w/Carol & Vicki... it's funny how when JESUS CHRIST, GOD, the BIBLE or anything spiritual related to Jesus Christ the TRUE & LIVING GOD is brought up there is all this debate and all of a sudden, we have to get our "heads out of the clouds" and stop reading "fictional books" and such. we can talk about Muslim, Buddhism, and other religions and it's no problem. If you are TRUE Christ-follower and believer, then you know what the TRUTH is, you are not ashamed of it and you have no problem living by it. A real Christ-follower, does NOT judge or condemn the person, but they judge/condemn the sin. There is no difference in a person being gay, being a child molester, rapist, robber, murderer -- those are all sins, right? using drugs, overeating/UNDER-eating, those are sins, too as they are things that defile/mistreat your body that God created... those of us that are TRUE Christ-followers will stay in pray and KNOW that Jesus Christ died on the cross for every pain, every hurt and every single situation that happened to you in your life that caused you to CHOOSE to live a gay lifestyle. Satan got in at some point of your life -- molestation, some type of physical/sexual/domestic abuse that caused you to begin to believe that this was the lifestyle for you. That's okay... God still loves you. He does NOT love the choice you made on how to live your life. I love each and every gay/lesbian person that I know personally and don't know. I love you Michele Marcolongo with the love of Jesus Christ and my prayer is that the TRUTH comes to you and others who are in agreement with homosexuality. I do not condemn or see you as any less of a person.

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A lot of people who are frightened of homosexuality were taught that fear through a christian lens. They tend to use scriptures to justify their views against homosexuality, with the (more or less genuine, depending on the person) expressed concern that gay people will go to Hell. However, It is important to realize that there are many, many (and growing rapidly) Christians who believe the Bible and Christianity in fact celebrate homosexuality as beautiful and a necessary, intentional part of God's creation, to be rejoiced. In that light, it is important for lgbt youth and parents to know that there are plentiful resources in the Christian faith IF THEY WANT THEM, to provide comfort, support, solidarity, and healing from bigotry and intolerance.

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Amen, Carol. I have been waiting to see if there was someone out there with a biblical comment such as this. My son just acknowledged being gay and I went to this website in hopes of finding a way to help him come back to the truth from our Creator but it seems the answers are quite the opposite here.

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I have a gay son, and when he came out and told the family I was so very proud of all of his siblings who looked at him, smiled and said " Yah? so what?" *L* Nothing Changed, no one got irate, everyone still loved him the same just like they always had. But then we raised our kids to hopefully be free thinkers. All my husband and I want for our kids is for them to live a happy life. My only personal concern about my son's gayness was that some doofus would abuse him because of his sexual orientation. Not everyone is open minded and some folks are downright hateful of folks that they perceive as "different". But what mother isn't concerned about her child's well being?... I am grateful that all of my children have grown up to be kind, loving, responsible human beings. Just LOVE your little ones... Be there, Listen to them... and just LOVE them... it is really all any of us can do.

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Your kids reactions was exactly the same as when my sister came out. I love my sister, and I love her partner. I hope to some day dance at their wedding!

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To me sounds like your a great mom. That's exactly what I want to be for my little one.

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You know, I was raised as a Mormon until I was 14 years old. Of course we were taught that homosexuality was wrong. After that I became a "Born Again Christian". That's when I learned that homosexuality was really wrong. but then I learned all sort of conraditions such as "sin is sin", "one sin isn't greater than another and we're all sinners", etc. However, I noticed that there seemed to be a much greater disdain for homosexuality than any other "sin". It really bothered me, especially for some reason I have always been some sort of a gay magnet. Since my later teenager years up til now, I have always had wonderful gay people in my life. I tortured myself over the belief that these awesome people were "going to hell", especially when I saw evil, cruel, "religious" people tormenting gay people for not believing what they do. After seeing the "Religious Right" in action, imposing their morality on others and in government, I actually felt embarassed to be affiliated with these fanatics, however, when you truly believe the Bible, you're a little torn. Thankfully, a few weeks ago I saw a movie on the internet called Zeitgeist which taught me the true origins of religion and my mind and heart has finally been freed. So, to answer your question, love your children regardless of their sexual orientation and fight for them. Fight for them politically. They deserve the same rights as heterosexual people. My husband, who is a total redneck said, and please don't take offense my sweet gay friends, "If I find out that my son is gay, I'm going to love him and the little faggot he brings home". Agreed.

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The gay community is pushing their agenda far harder than the church is standing against it. I feel the church is trying to offset the tidal wave of gay propaganda. It is being pushed at every possible angle from the TV, the news, and radio. If the church does not speak up people will become gay just because of the popularity it brings in some circles. It is not a leave me alone let me do what I want life style it is ever more pushed in all of our faces. I am not going to let their voices be the only ones heard.

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I used to think the same way you did, so I can honestly say I understand your point of view. I'm just grateful to now believe differently. Both the church and the gay community have an agenda. I personally prefer the the agenda of people wanting to be accepted and having the same rights as others in this country. I no longer can justify perpetuating predjudice againt a group of people who happen to love people of the same sex. I can promise you, I hear the voices of the right loud and clear. I see the intolerence and I just think it's an ugly way to be. I haven't been impressed at all.

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susan,with friends like you ,who needs enemies and the fries,you ve stated your ignorance all over this page.

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Wow....kind of mean spirited....

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I work in the healthcare/insurance industry and we are not allowed to discriminate based on race, ethnicity, national origin, religion, gender, age, mental or physical disability, health status, claims experience, medical history, genetic information, evidence of insurability, or sexual orientation; I just happen to believe that this should be applied to all things, all the time. It might not be popular in our country with the majority, but it is just and fair to do so.

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Susan, off topic but Zeitgeist twists and distorts history most blatently. The religion section of the film is based on a book by Acharya S (who also collaborated with the film makers). The claims of the film have been thoroughly debunked. PLEASE research this further before abandoning your faith.

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Susan, I think what you are seeing is that sin not taken seriously anymore (in general). God hates all sin (envy, jealousy, hatred, murder, stealing, selfishness, impatience, anxiety, sexual immorality). All these things are why he, our Creator and all powerful God, endured the agony and death on the cross. Sexual immorality is one unique sin where you sin against your own body, whether that is sex before or outside marriage (which is rampant in society) or its outside a male/female relationship, which is how God designed us. He made us for each other, to bear children, and to honor him with our lives. Please don't decide to believe the Bible is false, in order to help you feel better. You will find it is very true if you search harder. Your homosexual friends are beautiful people that God made. However, they have turned to a lifestyle that God abhorrs because it's not how he created us. His rules our for our own God. We reap what we sow, God cannot be mocked. I will pray that your friends repent and turn to the Lord, and find out where real freedom and joy is.

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I agree with you Susan, intolerance is an ugly way to be and live.

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@Toni I've read many of your comments - your comments cry out for some help, hope you'll find it in the right place!!!

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The fries, You saying that has hit a sore point with me due to the fact that i am in a same sex marriage and have a 9 month old baby boy, but u saying that the gay community is throwing their sexuality in ur faces is a false statement due to the fact that everytime i go into town to go shopping i get the Bible thrown in my face for being a lesbian!! I went into my local sainsbury's with my partner once and whilst in the queue waiting to pay for my shopping the person in front of me was telling me how much of a Sin i was commiting What by just standing in a Queue waiting to pay for my Shopping?? so if anything is thrown in our faces it is the Jesus Army and Christians who think they have the right to tell complete strangers they are commiting sin's What is it to do with you or anyone what i do with my personal life???

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To RandyandCarrieFries, not all churches are standing against it. I am a religious educator in a Unitarian Universalist congregation, and our faith has openly welcomed gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and questioning persons for years now, has celebrated weddings, child dedications and other rites of passage, ordained openly gay clergy, welcomed families of varying structures, and worked to achieve full equality under the law for all people. Increasingly, there are welcoming movements within other traditions, such as the United Church of Christ, Unity, the Presbyterian Church in the U.S.A., the Episcopal Church and Reform Judaism, and that list is probably incomplete. There are many reasons for this, including a renewed study of scripture taking into account how very seldom this issue is mentioned at all, never by Jesus, and only as one of a number of dietary and lifestyle prohibitions in Leviticus classified as "abominations", which also include the eating of shellfish and the mixing of fibers of one's clothing, to name just two of many. These were specific laws for a specific people in a specific time, some of which are still followed by some people today, some of which are not. In my faith tradition, we say each Sunday that "Love is the doctrine of this church," and love has shown us very real families, with very real children and carpools and dance lessons and soccer games and bills to pay. If that is the "homosexual agenda," I'm here to tell you it looks an awful lot like my own life for the past 20 years or so (my own children are now young adults). Another reason for the increased openness and tolerance in much of the religious community is a result of the increased number of people who now have a human face on the words, "gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgendered." When that face belongs to someone you know and love, it is a lot harder to demonize them as "the other". Finally, the recent suicides among our beautiful young people may finally be waking people up to the need for us to accept, love and embrace them for exactly who they are. Our commonalities outweigh our differences, our differences are worth celebrating, and both make us all holy and beautiful people of God. Dr. Martin Luther King was paraphrasing a 19th century Unitarian minister, the Rev. Theodore Parker, when he said, "The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice." I, for one, am grateful for each slow and creaking bend that I am privileged to witness, and my prayer for you is that you will come to see that this is just one more way of "bringing the Kingdom," which was always supposed to be right here, right now and not in some distant time or place.

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One day my 5yr old daughter asked "mom, can boys marry boys?" I said "absolutly! Boys CAN marry boys". She said, "will one have to be the wife?" "Nope, they'll both be husbands", "can one be the wife if he wants to?", "YES! If he wants to" (ps...she later in informed me that her uncles, a married couple, were definitely BOTH husbands!!!

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God has unconditional love for all people regardless of their sexual idenity.. To me the Bible seems clear that homosexuality was not his "Perfect" plan for mankind and marriage. Like anything in the Bible that God seems against it is because of His love for us and desire to protect us. It is out of love that there are RULES and REGULATIONS.. to protect us. He created man and woman to marry and share life together. Man needed Women to complete him. He was not ok alone. There are certain things that only a man can bring into a relationship (like strength) and things only a woman can (like nurturing and beauty). That doesn't mean that same sex partners can't both bring those things to the relationship but it isn't the "perfect" plan that God intended for us. Can it work..yes. When a Man and Woman are in relationship with God and one another it is a awesome thing and the way God meant for it to be. No where in the Bible does it say you will go to Hell for making this choice. It is like any other thing anything that seperates you from God's perfect plan for your life. Does that mean you can't have a happy life being gay...NO it just isn't the PERFECT plan.. can another plan work- yes- but there will always be something missing that God wanted for you. It doesn't mean you are loved any less by God. I think the church devotes so much energy on "sexual sin" when it isn't any worse than any other "sin" in the Bible. Any thing that seperates us from God is sin. Bottom line God loves you and desperately wants a relationship with you GAY or not.. He loves you!

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Wendy - I totally agree...God has a perfect plan and we have free will. But God has a way of showing some that choose to be gay, such as my son, that this is not His perfect plan and there are a lot of hurts that will go along with it. When he is with his male companions he is always miserable but when he is with his female roommate he is very happy. So why choose to be what you were not created to be if it only causes you grief and pain...That is my argument. God loves my son no matter what but God (our heavenly Father) reacts just like we do as parents...when we do something that He does not intend for us to do there are usually consequences to pay because He loves us so much. I have known people that seem to have a happy life being gay but this is not what I have seen from my son so I have a real problem with it.

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Amen Girl. What a great post. I wrote one before I saw yours and I'm glad there are christians pointing this out. God's best..NO, but, God's love for us isn't conditional, (thank God) and Christians need to love The Gay community and be the example we are called to be. We can't treat them like they have the Plauge! It's aweful.

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Wendy, I love your post!!!

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Society wants desperately to have no right or wrong, but unfortunately that is not reality. There is right and wrong. There is black and white. The bible says NO, homosexuality is wrong. God loves the homosexual but not their behavior. It is sin. Can you be a Christian and struggle with homosexuality-YES!!! But daily that will be your struggle to deny your urges and not give into that particular sin. Christians who believe in the Bible are looked on as narrow-minded because we don't accept homosexuality as "natural". But if we are to believe the bible as totally true, it says no to homosexuality. We can't pick and chose what we chose to believe or not to. There are somethings that are right or wrong (that doesn't mean I am narrow-minded). The bible says clearly NO to homosexuality. It isn't natural it is a choice. The natural thing that God put in place was Marriage between Man and Woman. Unfortunatley because of our sin we seperated from God's perfect plan. I think people are swayed more strongly than others (like their personality and preferences) toward homosexuality and that is their particular struggle. Just like my struggle may be to overeat when I am depressed. I make the choice to eat that twinkie or not. But it is still your choice to act upon that "urge" or not to. I have alcoholism in my family.. knowing that full well I know to be careful not to abuse alcohol... some people's struggle is being attracted to the "same sex". But it is a CHOICE to act upon those urges... I have the choice everyday what I do and don't do. A person who struggles with their sexual idenity is not a bad person but it is a real struggle they will have to deal with. With the help of God and support of others they don't have to give into those temptations. They can resist that desire if they choose. Every one has the freewill how they choose to act upon it. Bottom like God still loves the homosexual and people who are REAL Christians will still love you as a person, but it is ok if we disagree with your lifestyle because it isn't ok with God.

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It is so sad that people who call themselves Christians feel the way Wendy does. Clearly she has been swayed into thinking that whatever you chose in life is okay. I believe God does have a perfect plan for everyone but when we live outside of that plan then we are not pleasing the Lord. Our society has no morals anymore, nothing to believe in anymore...If you truly believe in God then you have to live by His standards. Most people want to live their way and so make excuses to make themselves feel better. I am by no means a perfect person, but I do try my best to follow what the Bible says. When I stray from that (which is called sin) I must ask for forgiveness and try to not do it again. That is what we are called to do as Christians...accept Jesus as our Savior and live like He lived when He was on earth. I do not at all agree with the homosexual lifestyle (I believe it is a choice) but I do not hate the people who live that way. It is my job to pray for those who have chosen that lifestyle so that maybe one day they will see their sin for what is is and change...like many have.

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Susie, why is it sad that that there are Christians who feel the way Wendy does? Maybe her interpretation of God is correct? I'm not a Christian, but Wendy seems to be saying that her God is loving and accepts you no matter what your flaws are. I like that a whole lot better than the theory that God is a tyrant and you must obey whatever he is purported to have said. Ministers priests, preacher whomenver interpret the bible to suit their political and personal beliefs.

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Wendy's comments are spoken from her heart, and from what is obviously a strong faith and educated biblical background. I am proud of her for putting her thoughts together so eloquently on such a touchy subject. I think I might have learned something new today. I was raised (Baptist) to believe that no sin is greater than another. I was also raised that we all sin and fall short of the glory of God, and that it will always be a daily struggle for all of us. I love the way she relates gluttony. Some people have a problem with lust - serial monogamists who are straight and gay. Some people have issues with lying, stealing, etc. We're all human. I for one, have strayed from my perfect path many times, and only through prayer, reflection, conversation and healing am I able to get back on track... or close to it. I suppose if my child were gay, and in a loving, supportive, committed relationship with another Christian, I would try to be happy for them. It's a lot better than going through life without a partner at all. God doesn't want that for us either. But most of all, I think it's good that we, as mothers, are discussing these tough issues. Our mothers couldn't and wouldn't, and we are better moms because of it. God designed us to continue learning all through our lives, and through the privilege of being a mom, we all get to do that every day. :-)

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I totally agree with almost everything. I only add that the reason sexual sin has a greater emphasis is because the stakes are so much higher. Sex is the closest thing to God-like power we are given on this earth. The ramifications of abusing it are much bigger. Yes, all sin pulls us away from God, but sinning against a greater power brings a greater consequence, and sex is the most powerful thing an individual has. Its use or abuse physically change our brain chemistry, personalities, and thought processes. That deserves some extra attention.

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@Kim Jones: How do you know that being born gay wasn't God's perfect plan for your son? Maybe because you think something is wrong with being gay....the pain many gay people suffer comes from the nonacceptance of the people in their lives who have loved them all their lives UNTIL they find out that they are gay. Sorry, but that doesn't sound like real love to me. Straight people have lots of relationship problems when they are dating and their parents don't say....it's because they are straight. Maybe your son's problem is because he knows that you don't approve of him living his life the way he was born to live it. I have a gay daughter and was confused when she came out to me when she was 29. She tried to conform to what society considers normal because she wanted to be a "good girl".....I thank God every day that she discovered her true nature before she married a man and was miserable. By the way, I joined PFLAG to learn what she was going through, instead of depending on my lack of real knowledge regarding how societal judgements had adversely affected my daughter and other gays.....Just sayin'..........

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What is hard about being gay is the reaction from family and community. Were it not for that, there would be no issues.

So many kids are homeless because they have been kicked out. They are bullied by other kids and adults too. There is a higher chance for depression and such things, not because they are gay, but because of how they are reacted to.

If you love your kid, then you love your kid. I will love my kid regardless of who she one day loves. I will love her even if she becomes a cheer leader, though that gives me pause. I will love her regardless of the religion she goes with, if any. I will love her regardless of the profession she picks even though I have visions and dreams about her life, it is not my life to live but hers.

I will support, encourage, love, enjoy .... life is hard. You need someone to have your back.

As for what you can do to help ... well, I would have LOVED it if my mother had spoken honestly with me. She suspected for many years, watched me struggle, but said nothing. When I found out she suspected, I was crushed. "You let me struggle alone for all these years?"

She knew NOTHING except the hate she had been taught, but made no effort to join PFLAG or meet other folks from the community. She made no effort to educate herself.

She is ashamed of me. She thinks my being gay makes her look bad, but she says her only issue is concern for my safety. If that were true, she would be making effort to make the community a safer place for me to live in by getting involved, giving voice to the issues, not hiding the fact that I am gay, talking with her friends, speaking up when people make jokes or hate filled comments .... she does nothing

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It is sad your mother feels as she does. That she didn't let you know she suspected. Being young and having to grow up feeling alone is extremely tough. Although I don't agree with your choice, I pray your mother finds a way to love you unconditionally, as a mother should. God Bless you.

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JuLeah, that is a very pretty name. It is sad how your mom feels. It is also sad that she did not communicate with you her openly her thoughts and concerns. If there is one or more things I have learned in life, it is this - you cannot please everyone all the time. I also learned, you cannot change how other people behave, you can only change your actions around those people. I know it is hard. Our parents grew up a certain way and it is hard and yet seems impossible to change them. You might never get that acceptance from her that you desire. My best advice I can think to give you, is to life your life to make you happy and all else will follow in its place. Make a conscious effort to NOT be close minded. Parents will not always agree on your choices, that is just a fact of life, whether you are gay, straight, married, divorced.. etc... Be strong.. :-)

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Juleah, while I am saddened by your mothers reaction and the hurt you have gone through, I just wanted to say that your mom might not have brought up your sexuality while you were struggling with it because she may not have known how. My brother came out about 5 years ago, and when he did, none of us were surprised. everyone in the family had suspected it for many many years. We never said anything to him because we were afraid that if we brought it up and were wrong, we might hurt or even anger him. and how do you even start that conversation?? "by the way, we were just wondering are you gay?" that just doesn't sound right, so we gave him his space to work it out and were prepared to support him when he did come to terms with it. I think I understand how hard it was, and still is, for him and for you and I wish you happiness is your life and hope that your mom will find a way to support you.

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Oh that is so sad about yoour mother. We as parents especially when they are young are the only advcates for our kkids. My children are very young and show no signs of any preference at thhis tiime. But no matter what they are our children we brooought them into thiis world they did not chose it. So its u to us to give them and show them the best of life. I will always love enjoy and support mmy children. They will teach me a thing or two and I will openly learn and grow with them. Love is unconditional

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The divine creator is against homosexuality and that is a much larger problem than the onlookers in your home town, or family. God is against everything that is sinful and sin is sin. I have reached to help people from a gay life style, and I am not homophobic, but the position of Gods church is to love people and to pull them from sins of all kinds. But the sin of homosexuality is a sin that divides, and alienates, it goes against humanity, and if the world were gay we would not be here... I am not attacking anyone but this thread is designed to pull people into a off balanced line of thinking.

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JuLeah, As a mom, my heart goes out to you. Something to ponder to yourself though, it's very obvious that you want to make your mom join into the community with you, stand up and have a voice, but is that the type of person your mom is? Does your mom go to Save the Whales meetings every Friday, or Earth First meetings on Wednesdays? The reason I say those things is because, some people just don't GO OUT and advertise themselves to the world. I'm a (sometimes ridiculously ardent) supporter of my children, but there are certain situations, like the one you are describing in fact, where I would be so at a loss, I wouldn't know how to respond. Like Kimberly said, how do you bring up "So, I think you might be a lesbian" without possibly offending your child? How do you go join PFLAG if you aren't the "join a support group" kind of person. Look at your mother's actions. Does she still try the best way she knows how? Then that's all you can ask. You must support her for who SHE is as well. If she IS normally the go join a group, brass tacks, out there kind of mom, then maybe you should just mention that you wondered why she never joined such a group.

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ju leah ,i m so sorry about your relationship with your mother.you are very brave and i hope you continue to be strong and a voice. rachel, she also said her mother is ashamed of her,that s more than not joining a group. and the fries,shame on you. and kimberly,i knew my nephew was gay,there are other ways to open the door than flat out asking,you should have made it at least easier for him to approach you guys.

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OK...about the mom who did nothing and said nothing...she suspected. What if she had said something? And what if she was wrong? How would you have felt? In my opinion it's up to you to make something like that known. I would never ask anyone about their sexual preference! Thats personal...even to your own child! I personally would only be upset for the problems in store. I have friends and relatives who are gay. It's not easy! I want my daughter's (and grandaughters') lives to be as pain free as possible. However, there is absolutely NOTHING they could do to make my (unconditional!) love for them change!

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Had my mother made it okay to talk with her, I would have. But she laughed at all the queer jokes my father told. She made it very clear to me that 'they' were nasty. She observed two women kissing hello on the cheek on public and was so very angry. Willing to forgive them if they were French or something, but felt they ought to be locked up if they were 'that way' My Aunt 'asked' - and my grandmother too. Both brought up the topic in a general way, then looked me in the eye and said, "It's okay, you know, for people to be gay" Looking back, I am sure both were telling me they knew and I was okay in their eyes. But, the OP asked about a child of ones own, so I shared the story of my mother. Thank you all who responded with kindness Rachel: Of course I don't need my mother to 'join' my community - just lose the shame that I am a member. Freely tell people she has two daughters not just one. Freely tell people she has 5 grand children (including my daughter) and not just four. STOP setting me up with men And Randy Carrie ... what up? I always thought Jesus lead by example. I don't recall him speaking to people the way you spoke to me. My education of all things Jesus was ... College courses as an undergrad, life time friendship with Father Michael (Catholic Priest in case you missed that) and David, a local minister – large congregation, very respected and well liked. Anyway, all I have learned can be summed up with this. The bible never mentions queer relationships, though argument can be made for Ruth and Naomi Jesus/God didn’t ever hate queers, didn’t ever condemn … all of that, according to Father Michael is just hate filled people using the bible to spread their agenda of hate. Bible abuse, bashing people with the bible, according to Dave, ought to be a crime. Let the saint among us cast the first stone and all of that The Bible was never ever meant to be read literally. You have to take into account the translations, the forgotten aspects of the ancient text, the personal Interpretation when the word in the ancient text has been lost from memory, the many different bibles in existence, the many different denominations of Christianity, the many stories known to exist but left out of the canonized Christian text, the many many stories that can still be found in other texts …. Do you really think God meant for you to hate, to make people feel less, to force your neighbors to the back of the bus? The bible, remember, was used to justify slavery, deny women the vote, segregation, oppression of women, and until the late 1960’s the bible was used to justify racism in marriage. It was illegal for people with white skin to marry people with brown skin.

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JuLeah, I think you have to recognize that it is her loss, not yours. Some people do not have the fortitude to think for themselves and grew up in an environment that they just accept as right. I mean, why else did it take so long for women to get the vote, blacks to be allowed to be with whites etc. Compliance and weakness. It isn't easy when a parent doesn't support you; I know this from my own issues which don't include sexuality, but have hurt nonetheless. I take it as a parenting lesson for myself. I take what my mother would do - do the opposite and basically know that I am doing the right thing. Never be ashamed of who you are. I mean why are so many people hyped about this anyway, I don't want to know what my straight friends are doing in bed just as I don't for my gay friends. It isn't any of my business and it doesn't affect my day to day life. So be strong and don't let the turkeys get you down.

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This is something I've never thought about before, JuLeah. My daughter is only 2 and I don't know how I'd even notice that she might be gay (unless it was pretty overt stuff, I would probably totally miss it), or what I should/could say to her if I think she might be. What might I see that indicates struggle? What is the way for a mother to approach that scenario? If you were NOT gay, and your mother had questioned you, would you have been offended? Would love to hear your other thoughts on this...

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fag groups like pflag are little more than pathetic apologists who refuse to acknowledge they failed their children by 1) teaching them about the dangers and immorality of the lifestyle, and 2) taking the correct stance against them. They are worse than the faggots themselves.

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Say something to me. You'll REALLY get an earful about what I think of your dyke's filthy lifestyle.

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Joanna,
I am a christian, and first, I would like to apologize for how the the church and many christians have treated the gay community. I firmly believe the Bible is the truth and I have seen it at work in my life. And although, I do not believe that homosexuality is God's best for someone's life, Neither is a drug addiction, pornography, poverty, sickness, etc.. God LOVES his people, and he wants the best life possible for everyone. Because of the fall of man, bad things happen, but it doens't change Who God is, and Why he sent Jesus. To bring freedom from bodages like these. Shame on the Christians who condemn any person struggeling with something. LOVE. Jesus taught us that Loving eachother was the most important thing we could do aside from loving him. Joanna, I love you, because Jesus first loved me. Period. Lesbian or not. That is between you and God. All we can do as Christians is love eachother and help one another through life, and trust that God is there along the way. Do we ignore what the bible says? Of course not. We acknowledge right and wrong, but we also acknowelge that we are all falling short and we need his grace to help us through. Don't point out the twig in some one's eye when you have a tree coming out of yours. Who are any of you to judge? Loving people, draws them to Jesus, cuz he didn't come to condem the world, but to save it! As a christian Community we have got to figure this out guys!! GOD LOVES HOMOSEXUALS JUST AS MUCH AS HE LOVES YOU. I'm not saying I agree with the life style, because I discern right and wrong by what the bible teaches, but I'm saying none of us have got it all together, so picking on one group of people is unfair and un christ like. Jesus wants to draw people to him, and he uses us, so don't be a hinderance and push people away. Please.

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very well said :)

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Thank you, Annie, as Brittani said: "very well said." It all boils down to love, compassion and acceptance. Let God decide who is right and who is wrong, that's His job.

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Annie, reading your posting is like sharing what's on my mind...because I am a Christian and I have the same perspective about this issue with you. "Let God decide who is right and who is wrong, that's His job, not ours".

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I find it ironic that some of these comments say "The bible says..." or "According to the Bible..." I didn't read anything that said "According to the Koran..." or "According to the Torah..." It is still amazing to me how the most judge mental people in all of these discussions are "Christians" but yet they are the ones that feel that they can judge others "for their sins!" Guess what? The topic is how to help your gay child. You start quoting the bible and you might as well stand your child up in front of a room full of people, naked, and whip them "for their sins!" The people who say love your children unconditionally are the ones who should be listened to. You don't have to agree with what your children do, but you made a commitment to those kids the moment you chose to be a parent. It isn't only when it is comfortable for you or as long as no one else is judging you for your child's choices.

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Danielle, the favourite line of Bible-quoting Christians (on homosexuality) is Leviticus. 20:13: "If a man also lie with mankind, as he lies with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them." Now, you say 'I find it ironic that some of these comments say "The bible says..." or "According to the Bible..." I didn't read anything that said "According to the Koran..." or "According to the Torah..."' Just to educate you ..... The first five books of the Bible (being Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers & Deuteronomy) are also known as the "Torah". Other names the Torah is known by are the Pentateuch, or the Five Books of Moses. Did you notice that Leviticus is on that list? Good old Leviticus which contains the original anti-gay quote? For what it's worth, yes, I AM a Christian. I don't have any issue with gay people, I have a lot of gay friends. I've locked horns with other Christians who think I'm wrong to support gay people and affirm their rights to live in the community with the respect of the rest of society, get married etc .... So I'm NOT against gay people. But when someone speaks out with apparent "authority" on what scriptural sources are quoted and which ones aren't - making such a monumental mistake, it's almost comical, I felt compelled to speak out! Can't wait to show this to a Jewish friend of mine, she'll hoot with laughter! And I would be fully supportive to any child of mine who was gay. They're all grown-up now and seem to be straight though.

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I guess I'm not getting your point... You quote the scripture, but you don't think it is saying that homosexuality is sinful? And there are more references than just this one... But when people choose what they want, that's what they are going to do despite what God or any scripture says.

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I am mother of 3. I am also in a loving lesbian relationship. I was raised to be Christian, though doubted and questioned much of the bible at a young age. I believe in a loving god. A god that punishes for acts of hatred, not those of love. I have had 2 failed marriages (to men), a direct result of trying to live a life of a straight woman, to appease my family, which I knew at a very young age I was not. When my mother found my diary at the age of 12 and read of my crush on the neighbor girl down the street, the church held a "burning ceremony" and torched my diary in front of the entire congregation. I was mortified. I applaud so many of you moms who would never put your children through such a terrozing event and my heart breaks for the children of the parents that would. If any of my children are gay, so be it. It's who they are and I love the children I was blessed with, no matter who they love.

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how can you believe in god.....i m appalled at your mother and the church

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Because what her mother did was not God, it was her mother and that particular church's beliefs. God is GOD apart from what people do or say.

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My mother attended very radical churches, something i didnt understand until i was older.I believe in God. The God that has given me 3 beautiful, healthy children. The God that brought my fiancé Alana into my life. The God that has blessed us with health, wealth and happiness. I know what my mother and the church did when I was a child was wrong and demeaning to say the least but that also helped me form my beliefs that I live by today. And I hope that by sharing my story (or that part of it) other parents will get a glimpse of the agony something like that can cause a child...for the rest of their life.

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Well said Brittney. You have a belief in an all loving God. I am a Pagan ( no we don't believe in a devil) I believe in a higher power that I look too when struggling with important decisions. I believe we ( no matter what releigion) strive to do the best for our children. Promoting understanding , acceptence and love

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I know you have been impacted by what happened to you by the church you went to as a child. I am very sorry for that! Because that was very unkind. Have you looked outside at the beautiful creation or looked into your child's eyes lately? There is no doubt God exists! The bible is true and is God's love letter to us. It's how we know who He is and who we are. While we hated him, he loved us. While we were hopelessly drowning and destined for eternal death, he saved us. Because our creator God is holy, he could not look upon our sin (selfish thoughts/decisions, hate, jealousy, envy, worry, sexual immorality). But he loved us and wanted to be with us so much, that he became a human, lived perfectly, and died to pay the penalty of our sin. Now we have to believe that and live for him, and we will be forgiven and we can go to heaven! If we chose not to, but instead to live for ourselves and our desires, we will be eternally punished in the flames of hell. Sounds pretty harsh, I know. Truth can be. But it also can be the most amazing reality you will ever encounter in your life!

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I do believe. I'm pretty sure that's what my post said. However I don't believe I will be punished for being in a committed relationship to a person I deeply love, respect and cherish. I can only hope all of my children find that love in a man or a woman some day. It's my dream for them to be happy. Regardless of sexual orientation. I am a firm believer that people are born this way. Who they will be attracted too, male or female, is already there. And I will love them no matter what, without judgement. My babies are a gift from God, gay or straight.

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It's interesting because you could change the word "gay" in this question and get some very different answers. Let's just pretend that the word is actually "challenged" and see what we get...
Please try not to filet me... I never post, but this one struck a chord.

Personally, I believe that God blessed me with children because he wanted them to be here... in my house, on this planet, in my care, etc... literally HERE. And because somewhere along the way I earned His trust to raise these little blessings. What they're going to be when they grow up changes daily. They know, because I've told them, that they can be or do whatever they want (including painting their house purple or having 16 cats). The catch is simple. As long as they live in my house they have to obey my rules. We are a Christian family, (I'm a single mom) with all the same sin, confusion, heartache, drama and disfunction of every other family, but we are also all very respectful and trusting of each other. As a result, we try to hang out with families who are similar in their beliefs. And if you deny doing the same with your group of friends then you're in denial. Notice that I said similar... not carbon copies of ourselves, but similar in values, morals and beliefs.

Now, the next part is more complex, and I think it's where people get hung up...
I am not interested in having 'society' or tv raise my child. Among other things, I feel like my job as a parent is to teach my children how to face difficult situations with grace, and I can't do that if I'm letting someone else answer their questions. We all know that kids ask a lot of questions and will take answers from anyone who listens. So, when my kids have crazy questions, I encourage them to ask me by giving them honest answers that make sense to their age. And if they come home with something new, I ask where they learned it and we talk about it and how it does or doesn't fit into our family's code of conduct. For instance, in my family, we kiss each other hello and goodbye, on the cheek. However, as I taught my oldest to kiss, we would smooch on the mouth, which became a problem when he started smooching every kid in his preschool. The answer didn't have to do with feelings or orientation, it was a simple matter of respecting personal space and germs. However, it did come up about boys kissing boys or girls kissing girls. I got excited, because I knew it was a real parenting opportunity. I told him what I wanted him to hear... probably not the pc answer, but my job as a parent isn't always pc... it is, however, reality. I asked him who he wanted to kiss more... what did he feel in his heart was right? He said he understood about being too young to kiss anyone except his family, (proud mama) and he understood the germ thing, and when it came down to it, he said that he might want to kiss a girl someday if she was as pretty as his Mommy (grin) but that he thought kissing boys was silly, which was exactly what I would've thought he'd say since I know him so well.
Now, if I was told my child was 'challenged' I would continue to expect the same respect, trust and honesty that I've always expected. And I would give my challenged child the same answer to the questions from my non-challenged children. If this challenge meant that certain expectations of mine were going to be out of the question, I have to admit that I'd be disappointed. It would not change my love or respect or trust for my child, but it might change the way I did things around the house from now on. We are lucky to live in the 21st century where most challenges can be diagnosed at an early age and these kids can be integrated into classrooms and sports and so on with no one ever knowing there is anything different about them. Being gay would be very different though, and I guess the idea here is to focus on accepting that difference instead of hiding it, so let's pretend that my child's challenge has no known cure, but is not fatal or physically debilitating, and something that lots of people are ashamed to admit.
I guess the bottom line is that I wouldn't change a thing. I'd still take my child to church, school, shopping. I'd still expect good grades, honesty, nonjudgmental friendliness, willingness to participate, outgoing personality, intelligent speech, manners, values, morals... all of that. I would still have rules about what they wore to school, play, etc. How they kept their room, how they behaved in certain situations, how they speak to me and other adults, how much tv or video games... None of it would change. I would still want the American dream for them. I would still want them to grow up Christian and have a personal relationship with Christ. And somewhere in there I would teach them to be proud of who God made them to be, just like my other kids. I would teach them to be prepared for some folks to misunderstand their differences, but hopefully see beyond that to the person I raised them to be. I firmly believe that my kids won't be carbon copies of each other just because they were all raised in my house. I also believe that they will be friends no matter what, and therefore gravitate toward people who share their beliefs, values and morals. I think I'd be a real disappointment to my parents if I didn't pass on the happy, well-rounded childhood, and lifelong friends (my siblings) that they gave to me. Frankly, it's an honor.
I want my kids to have every advantage I had, and the only way I know is to do what my Mom did and try not to repeat the few mistakes she made. I'm challenged every day by my kids, and I read voraciously to make sure I'm standing on firm ground before I make a change. You see... first impressions are everything, and you really can't argue with that. We judge because we're human, and we do judge books by their covers, no matter what we admit to in public.
Now... based on what you've read, can you tell my sexual orientation?

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Well said. I was trained to be a Christian in a Christian home too. No one wants to be preached to because we are all sinners. Born sinners but not God's original plan when He created Adam and Eve. Many hate God because we are sinners and make choices to do our own way and disobey God's plan for our life. What does He require of you? To do justly, love mercy and walk humbly with your God. Some are gay because they turned against the natural way. My nephew is gay and my half bro is too. They were taught the God's way. God is in sovereign control of this world and we can read about it in His Word --judgment love and mercy. Pray God opens our eyes to see the error of our ways and repent. God IS love but He will judge us according to whether we accept or deny Him in this life. Only one life will soon be past only what is done for Christ will last. He is our Heavenly Father and loves us unconditionally because He is sinless Again, we are not.

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Great post Sharon! To answer your question, I'd have to say you were straight. It seems obvious but since you pose the question maybe the obvious is wrong.. LOL!

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Thx yall. and yes, I was born straight. ;)

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I knew girl in college that was on her 12 child. I knew her when she was on her 15 child. On her 20 child. She started when she was 12 years old. By the time a doctor tied her tubes she had 24 children each with an IQ of a thumb. I would also think that some of those children father was her own father. As soon as she turn 18 she was legal to have children with anyone she wanted. She did. To you religious moms you would be proud to have a daughter as she was. A very rightous woman. One of Gods gift to mankind. Any church would welcome her and her children in to the group. She is a prime example of good Christian motherhood. I would say that any of your sons would be glad to make her a grandmother. Glory to God. Just like in the Bible. If any female over the age of 13 does not have a child a year marry or not she is not following the Bible. If any male child over the age of 13 is not getting every female within their grasp a mother he is not following the Bible. If your son was not a dad at 14 then I would say as God would say he must be gay. I have that power to point at other people and question if they are not following Gods rules then what are they following? To Ms. Johnson better watch where you point since your soul is now in question. . It is fun to have Gods power.

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Help him do what?

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Talk to them about it. Then take everything they say sincerely and ginuinely and put yourself in their shoes. Using the life experience and wisdom that you have, react accordingly. Keeping in mind that if anything major were to happen in their life you would want them to come to you first.

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Just be as understanding and supportive as you possibly can be.

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I would help my gay child like I would help my straight child. If they need help with their homework, I would help them. If they have a question, I will answer it. If they need something, I will provide it. That's the only help they need. That's my duty as a mother, and it doesn't change whether my child is gay or not. The wording of this question makes it seem like being gay is wrong, like "how would you help your drug addict child?"...There is no help, it's not a disease, and it's not something you can change...so if that's what you're looking for, then it's yourself that needs the help.....

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Why does my gay child need help? It seems like you mean the child being gay is wrong or different so they need help. We are a free society and as mothers we are know we should be accepting and loving unconditionally to all our children. If we as a society are to live with gay people we should treat them as equals, so we shouldn't feel they need to be helped. He/she will go through all the puberty issues like crushes, dating, being heart broken, etc. So we just support them like we would any other child.

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My Granddaughter is gay, I have always thougth she might be and I have no problem with it at all, she is my baby girl and who she loves as long as they are good to her I love them also.

I only wish she did not wear her hair almost buzz cut and the real large cloths. I don't say anything, she knows I don't like it but nothing is said. When I look into her beautiful blue eyes,she is my Baby Girl again. That is what matters most.

We are very close and I want to stay that way, she has a beautiful heart and is a wonderful person, that is all we can ask for. I

I hate that it is a hard life, wish other people would just let everyone be who they are and not try to change it.

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Good for you... A child still needs to she's loved regardless of her orientation

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From one grandmother to another congratulations, My son who is now 31 years old is gay and they go through all different fashion stages. the haircolor was my sons thing. He drove me crazy too but i knew this too would pass, and it did with age. I only have 1 granddaughter but no matter what she decides she will always come to me. We have a very strong bond too. But then i also have that bond with my own children. Love should always be unconditional.

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As a biblical scholar, graduate of seminary, experienced minister, and someone who has spent decades studying scriptures and studying religion, let me add that there are now, and have always been, multiple views on how to interpret the Bible. There are millions of people in established churches who interpret the Bible differently from millions of other people in other established churches. No one can say "my way is the only correct way to read the Bible" without declaring millions of self-proclaimed Christians, clergy, bishops, and entire faith communities invalid. The debate on scriptural interpretation is important, but it is ultimately a fruitless one when one side says "my view is the only right one, and I am closed to any debate." Scholars have examined, interpreted, debated, written volumes and volumes on contentious scriptures for the past two millenia, and we are not going to solve that issue here. The only important point about scripture for this forum is that it IS debated, that there ARE multiple views that millions of Christians in entire faith structures hold to be valid, and that THEREFORE, no one person's/group's view in this forum ought to be taken as either Standard Christian or as Divinely Revealed Truth. Scriptural debates aside, I do feel the need to highlight, as some others have, the importance of Christian Compassion. Even IF (and it is indeed a huge IF, and one that I do not personally hold true) scriptures do (in the balance) denounce homosexuality, Jesus himself repeatedly broke other aspects of the "holiness code" - which is the type of law homosexuality would fall under - for the sake of compassion. In light of the suicide rates for queer youth, the choice for a Christian is, to me, quite clear - if one wants to follow Jesus. Keep in mind, however, that most people who use scripture to denounce homosexuality actually operate under a different agenda - they generally already feel homosexuality threatens the patriarchal social pyramid of our culture, with God on top, then Man, then Woman, then Child, then Animals. Homosexuality necessarily changes that paradigm in a way some people find threatening - the same way people have found it threatening when women became pastors of churches and had "spiritual authority" over men. (And other such changes, the list is long.) So truly, it is usually useless to debate the "ethics" of homosexuality with those who quote scripture, because they generally have a completely different issue at the heart of their worldview - one that you will not be able to alter through ethical or scriptural discourse. That said, the one thing I have found to change people's hearts more than anything else - quite dramatically - is exposure. When those who have been taught scriptural prohibitions against homosexuality are exposed to (openly) LGBT people in an extended, meaningful way - enough to build actual relationships with them - they frequently change their minds about the issue. If they do not, they tend to be quite strongly frightened and threatened by the chaos they associate with changes to the above-mentioned power hierarchy. Finally, the good news is that young Christians today are increasingly tolerant of queer folks - they tend to ask "why does the church hate my gay friends?" The demographics are clear - this issue is on its way out. Yes, of course bullying is still a huge crisis, and we must continue to address it head-on with tolerance programs, education, etc. However, the tide has turned. When my one year-old is my age, she will shake her head and ask me "What was the big deal about gays again?" And I will hug her and say, "I'm so glad you are mystified by that." Respectfully, TGM

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Brillant . . . Thank you.

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yet again, people who are not "tolerant" are called scared. you have no idea of what you are talking about. the Bible is the word of God and has been translated from the original Hebrew language. If you believe it, then you should believe all of it. you cannot pick it apart and say this is true and this isn't. even if you are not a Christian , look at nature and see what goes on. the male and female species mate. you don't find male birds mating with other male birds for example. I could go on and on but you are right about one thing...it is a debate that will never be settled. I feel somewhat sorry for you that you can find nothing to stand for...there is no accountability. only feel good stuff. one day everyone who believes like you, will finally see that you were wrong and you will surely be sorry because the Truth and Glory of the Lord will one day be known to everyone.

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Sister Susie - Actually there are many examples of same-sex mating in non-human species. I was a trained biologist for quite a while, and I found those examples fascinating - it's nearly universal for species to exhibit homosexual sex, courtship, bonding, affection, and parenting. About ten percent of domestic sheep (rams) refuse ever to mate with female sheep, but do occasionally mate with other rams. Homosexual prohibitions in the Bible are part of the holiness code. Do you follow the entire holiness code? For example, Old Testament law strictly forbids sexual intercourse during the seven days of the menstrual period (Lev. 18:19; 15:19-24), and anyone in violation was to be "extirpated" or "cut off from their people" (kareth, Lev. 18:29, a term referring to execution by stoning, burning, strangling, or to flogging or expulsion; Lev. 15:24 omits this penalty). Today many people on occasion have intercourse during menstruation and think nothing of it. Should they be "extirpated"? The Bible says they should. Leviticus also says: "“When a woman has a discharge, and the discharge in her body is blood, she shall be in her menstrual impurity for seven days, and whoever touches her shall be unclean until the evening. And everything on which she lies during her menstrual impurity shall be unclean. Everything also on which she sits shall be unclean. And whoever touches her bed shall wash his clothes and bathe himself in water and be unclean until the evening. And whoever touches anything on which she sits shall wash his clothes and bathe himself in water and be unclean until the evening. Whether it is the bed or anything on which she sits, when he touches it he shall be unclean until the evening. ... " Do you "believe all of it" and follow this practice? or do you "pick it apart" and say that this part does not apply? Do you really think I stand for nothing? That's fascinating. I'm intrigued. Do you believe compassion is "nothing"? I am actually a passionate follower of Jesus Christ, and I stand for living by his call to participate in the coming of the Reign of God. I find incredibly strict accountability in the Bible and in Christian community trying to live the faith. But our accountability is to the message of Jesus, and to the meta-message in the Bible: love your neighbor as yourself, by which Jesus tells us to judge all other ideas. Sometimes that accountability can involve painful decisions - for example, we no longer give Christmas gifts - we celebrate Jesus' birth by giving donations to Heifer International, to help those Jesus says are most important. I am not sure your intent on "feeling sorry for me" - it sounds as though you are trying to insult me. I assume you feel insulted by my post. I would prefer not to trade insults. If you would like us to attempt a non-insulting conversation, I am open to that. You're right, I do believe that people who are close friends with healthy, happy lgbt people or couples, and still, over time, persist in believing that they are committing grave sin, or that they are an abomination, --such people are feeling threatened. I can see how that statement would feel insulting. My intent was not to insult, and I regret that the impact of my statement was to cause you to feel insulted. It may well be that you and I do look at the world through lenses that are too different to have meaningful conversation. But I honestly wish you only blessings and peace. And I live in the hope that you are right: the Truth and Glory of God will one day be known to everyone, as the Reign of God breaks forth in our world, and all are reconciled at the table of Love. Pax Christi, TGM

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Humans are weird. Males are know to have sex with all sorts of objects. Some are alive and others are. I on the other hand lacks interest in how or why you have sex. I also lack interest in getting any of the 50 STD out there. Many of these 50 STD are going into stages that make them deadly, really deadly. Some are going airborne. That you do not have to have physical contact with that person to get their STD. Your belief in whatever God you want will not stop a STD virus from taking you out. Better if a member of your congregation gets Plague then it is likely that everyone on a given Sunday will also get that Plague if they are in the same room. You can have your faith, Bible, even JC in the same room and you is infected. Your problem is getting into the After Life , so far it looks like you is laying forever in one spot. Dress warmly.

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@ Susie: You must lead a very sheltered life in the church to have no knowledge of animals of the same sex mating....Google it and you'll find MANY well-known examples in zoos all over the world. I say, if you think it's wrong to be gay, then don't be, but don't mistake judging gays in the name of religion as being helpful to gays....it does NOTHING but harm them. If you don't believe me since I'm not gay, ask anyone who is, they should know.

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Accept his sexuality and let him be :))

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I will love him no matter what he chooses but he has not made that choice completely in his heart. He said that if God sends him a woman and tells him she is the one then that is the way he will go. He is confused and mixed up because he was rejected so badly by his dad and he has such a tender heart. He will find his true sexuality and be happy one day.

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I am a Christian and I know the Holy Bible is the inerrant word of God. As a loving, Christian mother, I would love my child unconditionally while not condoning sin in my children's lives. Just as if my child were born with alcoholic tendencies, I would counsel my child if she were to have homosexual desires. I would counsel her through my love and through scripture, though God's love. In answer to one of the posters, the Biblical documents have strong historical authenticity. The oldest documents date 15, not 50 years after Christ's ascension into Heaven. These were eyewitnesses to Christ's time on Earth. There is no question that 15 years is a short time in which to record a life changing experience accurately. Those facts, added to my own personal experiences tell me the Bible is God's holy Word. I would be failing my child to pretend that sin in her life is anything but that. It would not be love if I were to support the sin, rather than try to help her through it. I know that some individuals misuse God's word. But, there are many that have love through Christ in their hearts and are trying to live according to His love and His Word. We cannot just throw away what we know to be true, just because our child has a struggle.

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I cannot see any of the response to my post, so I am posting this to see if they appear. I would ask how to see the responses, except I wouldn't see any responses telling me how! I can see responses to everyone else's posts. Frustrating!

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Oh so frustrating! I give up. I would like to have seen the responses to my post. But, I don't have time to keep trying to figure it out. If an administrator sees this, perhaps they could send me an email or message on here, to help me figure it out. Otherwise, I do give up.

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The only person I personally knew that was gay died from a failed liver (Aids-related) and his mom (my step-mom) loved him unconditionally! So did my dad. They taught me by their actions that you don't have to agree in matters -- just love. I believe that homosexuality is sin just like stealing, lying and unforgiveness. But, I can hate the sin and love the sinner and I hope that others can hate the sin in my life and still love me!

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Totally agree with you, Karen. It's counterproductive to teach God's Word while being hateful. Though Christians should not say sin is okay, we still must treat others with love and respect. Those who profess to be Christians, but abuse or ridicule those engaged in a homosexual lifestyle cannot truly understand God's Word. To those who have been treated thus, I humbly apologize. I hope you will diligently read the Bible to seek God's truth, and not depend upon man's distortion of it.

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Karen I love your post and agree wholeheartedly!! If homosexuals think it is so hard living that lifestyle, they ought to try living as a Christian....we endure so much hatred simply because we want others to know what a wonderful life it is to know Jesus.

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I agree with this.

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sexuality is not a disease (hetero or homo). I am deeply saddened by the posts i read in which mothers attempt to support their children by "counceling them straight". I have seen the damaging affects of this first hand and it is nothing less than abusive.

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Brigitte, you do not love a gay person if you believe them to be deviant. You might as well say I believe it is a sin to be black, I can love the black person, but hate that he/she is black. Stealing, lying, and withholding forgivness all dammage others in one way or another. Consentual love among adults is nothing but love. It makes me ill to see love and hate confused.

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Just understand that there are multiple, valid ways to interpret scriptures regarding homosexuality. Plenty of sincere Christian Biblical Scholars believe, after careful study, that the scriptures nowhere denounce (or even mention/comprehend) the kind of egalitarian, monogamous same-sex relationships that exist today. The kinds of same-sex relationships that existed then were radically different - they involved male scholars taking advantage of boy pupils, for the most part. Furthermore, interpreting scripture involves discerning the importance of the holiness code - and Christians everywhere routinely dismiss many aspects of the Holiness Code (as Jesus did), as not applicable to our lives anymore. (Women do not need to leave town when they menstruate, etc). So - just understand that there is no one Christian voice or one Biblical voice on this matter - there are many voices, and they should all be taken seriously. The Bible has been used to justify much that is not God's will, throughout history - the American South used scripture frequently to justify slavery, for example. It has been used to say women should not speak in church, or divorce should never be allowed, or men should be allowed to marry multiple wives. It is easy to find scriptures that support all those ideas, to define sin with them. So - it is important to understand that the viewpoint that says "Homosexuality is a sin" is not the only viewpoint to be found in the Bible. Christians who believe homosexuality is NOT sinful also find their evidence in scripture. What is clear - what no one is arguing - is that gay youth are at extremely high risk for suicide. The obvious Christian response to a gay youth is the one that prevents her/him from killing herself/himself. Gay youth who are sent to "conversion camps" are at higher risk of suicide. Gay youth who are accepted and supported by their families just as they are, are at much lower risk of suicide. Choosing to try to convert a gay youth, or to condemn their homosexuality as sin, is choosing to put them at risk of death. That is the biggest sin I can imagine, as a parent.

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@ Karen - It's unfortunate that you feel that if your child were gay that it's a problem you feel compelled to help them overcome, like alcholism. I understand that you would still love them, but your post indicates that you would love them in spite of being gay, and would love them enough to help them stop being gay. I hate to disappoint you, but unlike alcoholism, gayness can't be 'cured.' Having feelings of attraction toward the same sex for the gay community comes as naturally as the feelings of attraction toward the opposite sex that straight people possess. One cannot control what gender they find attractive... it's a part of them just as much as your attraction to men is a part of you. So if you can't accept your child's gayness, you are not accepting your child. It's insulting to assume that you can help 'fix' them by encouraging them to overcome their homosexuality. For the record, I'm a straight Christian. Unlike Christians like you, I don't use the bible as an excuse to judge other people. Leave the judgement to God. Homosexuality existed long before the bible, and continues to exist, in spite of all the oppression and hatred toward gay people - because they cannot help but be who they are. Above all else we must all be true to ourselves. The bible is not the word of god - it was written by a bunch of men over the course of centuries thousands of years ago... It's hard to believe that a force as omnipotent and awesome as God would comdemn so many of his own people to an eternity in the blazes of hell due to their sexual orientation. It's more likely, imo, that God values respect for others above all else - even (and especially) if they happen to be different. Here's some food for thought: if we are in fact created in God's image, and some of us are gay, then doesn't that mean that God is a little gay himself? And if your child is gay, if they are aware of your feelings on the subject, how comfortable do you think they would be coming out to you? What a burden that must be - not to be able to be honest with their own mother. Your child, if gay, doesn't need your help to get 'fixed', or your judgement - THEY NEED YOUR UNCONDITIONAL LOVE AND ACCEPTANCE! If they can't get it from their own mother, how will they ever expect the rest of society to accept them for who they are?

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God doesn't make mistakes....people who are born gay are meant to be gay and that is their true nature....just my scientific opinion.

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After reading some of the comments that condone homosexuality as a sin since the "Bible says so," I was fuming. I have learned not to fight fire with fire, so I will take my peace. I was raised Catholic, and I was raised to accept everyone for who they are in the sense of if they are a bad person or a good person. A bad person, a sinner, someone with the "devil inside of them" = a murderer, a rapist, a thief...someone who wishes harm on themselves or another. A good person = someone who appreciates the other good people, someone who LOOKS OUT for the other good people, someone who loves unconditionally, does not take out their bad days on another, someone who does not blame other people for things they are not responsible for. Good people respect, love and honor the human race. I say love people for who they are, as long as they are good, if my beautiful baby boy turns is interested in boys instead of girls, I will love him even more so and be thrilled with him enjoying the short time he has on earth...as long as he is a good, happy, healthy man...I will consider my life's work successful.

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I am not here to shove the bible down anyones throat but what about the scripture that Jesus said - If one man lie with another man lest his blood be upon him. I don't believe anyone is born gay as we are all created in His image and God is not gay! My son came out at the age of 17 and said it was not because he was born that way but because his dad rejected him all his life. He was always filled with the Holy Spirit and always into church and God. He was just looking for male attention. He is now 22 and has been tortured by many (even the other gays) for his choice. He has been called horrible names by the gays and is realizing that this is not right. He has been telling his 10 year old sister that boys and men are mean and cruel. He lives with a girl that is wonderful to him and he is falling for her. I have been praying faithfully for him that he will turn back to God and not a different lifestyle that can't heal the pain. I don't think people are born this way...I think it is often an escape from some hurt or abuse that has happened along the way that they can't explain or fix. My son is still struggling but will come out of it because my answer to how you can help is unconditional love and a strong faith that God will lead them where they should be. PRAYER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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I agree sister. He will be fine!

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This is best response so far.God bless you

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James Dobson noted in his studies that most men who turn to homosexuality have a poor or no relationship with their fathers. I am sure that isn't the case for every person, but it certainly appears to be a prevalent factor. The breakdown of the family unit has contributed to many societal issues. In my own experience, I can poignantly see how much my own sons need their father, and I am thankful to have a husband who loves them, spends time with them, treats me with love and respect, and provides them with a wonderful role model of how a man should be. We teach them about God's Word and what God expects, but also to love others, for "all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God." Since all sin, it is not acceptable to make fun of it, or belittle, or abuse anyone because of it. Since the whole point is to help others to the salvation God provides, being hateful is counterproductive.

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I grew up going to a perochial school and high school. I have been through Religion and I am also Heterosexual. My brother, however is gay, and he had the same schooling I did. With that said, my brother didn't choose to be gay. You know why? He didn't want to face a life of ridicule by these nasty people that think it is wrong. To say we weren't born that way....Adam and Eve were born in his image....you me and everyone else was born into sin from birth. Therefore, you could be born gay. Happy that he is with a woman and not men just makes me chuckle. Let him be happy. My brother dated women too and it was to appease the family and hide, for many years, that he was gay. No one sin is greater than another and whether you repent or not, I am sure there are sins that you repeatedly commit. Lighten up and let them be individuals and not conform because that is what you want.

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You can chuckle all you want but he is very open with me and has told me that even though he is drawn to men he has been nothing but hurt by men. The girl he lives with treats him with respect and love which makes him happy. So how am I keeping him from what he wants when he is obviously happier with a girl than with all the jerk guys that have repeatedly hurt him? I'm confused. I love him no matter what and we are very close. I just want him to be happy and being with guys was keeping him torn up. Got an answer for that?

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And the girl he is with is going to be pretty torn up when he eventually cheats on her with a man- because it is who he is...will eventaully be. If not- he is going to be tortured forever. I truly hope that he will find his way and be happy. I truly belive that people if given the CHOICE would never CHOOSE to be ridiculed, hated, and make their lives generally more difficult. Gay is not a choice. He is continually "drawn to men" because he is GAY. You say that the woman he is with treats him with respect and love- so he is happy. I would say that when we are treated by either sex with love and respect- we would be happy. But I am sure- if he were to embrace who he truly was, and let go of his hatred for himself and his confusion, he would find a partner that would truly love and respect him, AND be sexually with the right partner.....just a thought.

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He was NOT born that way and no one can make me believe that. I watched him grow up and I watched him date girls and I also watched him completely fall apart at the rejection of his father. He stood before me and said that he hated his father for what he did to him and then he started befriending guys. He was running from the hurt he was feeling. He was always a very happy loving guy until this started. This is not normal for him and he has been miserable ever since he chose to rebel. He has told me this himself and is finally happy for the first time in 5 years. I don't understand the push to claim people gay. God made man and woman like a puzzle...two parts that fit together properly. Sorry but two men nor two women can fulfill that role properly. I will continue to pray for him daily that he may find himself and his true happiness. If he was to choose to gay that way, I would still love him just the same as I have for 5 years. But I know my child and he has not been happy since he made this choice.

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He will be fine whether he is 'Gay' or 'Straight' because at the end of the day it is his life n can live it how he wants to, whether he is gay n believes in god or not, i do not believe that if someone is Gay there is an underlying Issue in their live. At the end of the day, it is that person's personal life and no-one should be involved in that! they are who they are and if their personal life is different to the majority of people then who care's be who u are as long as ur happy!!! x

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Kim, you quoted Leviticus...and that book, a Jewish book, was way before Jesus' time. And, it has been scientifically proven that the brain wave patterns of a homosexual are different than that of a hetero. So how can it be a lifestyle choice if it's already imbedded in the brain function?

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If you are convinced that people aren't born gay, you are deluding yourself. Think about it, did you make yourself straight? Are you equally attracted to both sexes or did it just happen that you became attracted to the opposite sex? The people attracted to both sexes are bi-sexual, not homosexual and they also deserve the right to choose.

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I hate that our society has come to the point where a person's identity is wrapped up in their sexual orientation. This is such a miniscule part of who a person is. I would encourage my child to find their identity/self-worth in their faith, their education, their personality, their family/relationships. I would discourage them to wrap their identity up in their sexual persuasion. It kinda makes me sick. I think the emphasis the gay community puts on their sexual orientation is what draws negative feedback from outsiders. I believe they do this as a defense mechanism- a sort of 'safety in numbers' mentality, but it is sad that they need to do so. I hope this changes as homosexuals feel more comfortable and accepted. I have a few gay friends that I've known since childhood. All are men. They are amazing people, artists, musicians, actors. They are funny, kind, encouraging, faithful. Why do we sink so low as a society to label people by their sexual orientation?

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Well said, Natalie!

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I have a gay teen son who came out to me and his father when he was 12. I knew my son was gay maybe as young as 2 however never spoke of it because I wanted him to be who he was going to be. We have raised our son who is now 19 to be proud of who he is, we have allowed him to teach us about the Gay World!!!, we raised him to be honorable, respectful, trustworthy and loving but most of all to love God and be true to self. My son is very confident pertaining to who he is and who he chooses to love. We can teach our children many things but the one thing that we cannot force or make happen is who they love and give their hearts too. Love them for who they are, respect their choices, support their person, know that they are still your child!!! My child is whole, stands on faith, has integrity, very intelligent, confident, has courage and most of all my unconditional love and support because at the end of the day he is and will always be MY CHILD!!!!!!

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My daughter told me she was gay when she was 17, it was a bit of a shock, but had suspicions anyway. She is now 24, a happy and healthy girl. It doesnt matter what she is as long as she is a good person and happy, which she is and I am very proud of her. I cannot understand any parent that would not accept this, my daughter could be a right yobbo attacking old people or similar terrible things, but she is a good person, so being gay is the least of my worries.

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A very productive debate so far. My own kids are (so far) hetero, but we live next to a lesbian couple who have been together for 20 years. My kids' attitude: Can we use their Playstation 3? They don't care about any other part of their lives, and treat them with the dignity and respect they show all of our other neighbors. I do think it's harder to be gay in this point of history - many quotes above show that things haven't changed much. My only addition to the conversation is this: if the dialogue was "how can I help my left-handed child", would so many be so quick to judge? Would it still be considered a choice? a sin? a matter of education? Of course not. PS, do you really believe that of the 12 guys at the Last Supper, nobody was gay? Yeah, neither do I ...

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Ya know, it never crossed my mind to look at a painting and think "hey, ya know, I'll bet some of those guys were gay." Weird!

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Love them...Make them comfortable when they want to bring home someone.

I have been a lesbian since I was 14. I have had a great life. I t wasn't so easy for me to come out with my family. My 16 year old currently says she is straight. I support and love her no matter what her lifestyle is.

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What has changed, they are who they are regardless of their sexual preference.
Love of your child should be totally unconditional.
We bring them up to be kind, honest and loving. We wont them to love them self's
and be proud of them self's.
To except people for who they are and not to judge others.
I have five son's, all heterosexual (as far as I am know). They all have gay friends,
male and female.
They are all grown men and except people as they find them, so I guess if one day
one of the five came out, the others would all except it without to much of a problem.
There are far worse things in this world your child could be.

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Amen! My daughter is almost four, and a very girlie girl, but I have friends who are gay and have seen their struggles. Never could I say to my child some of the things that my friend's parents had said to them! I'm pretty positive my daughter is straight, but if she's not, I'm fine with that. I don't have to understand being gay. I'm not gay. All I know is that no one had the right to tell you you can't love another person. Really? People want to ban gay marriage? Why? Do they really think that banning marriage between two people that love eachother and want to spend their lives together will stop that love? We don't have to understand it. Just like gay people don't have to understand being straight. Children need to realize that being yourself, and bring confident in who you are is okay. It's more than okay, it's a MUST. Feeling that acceptance starts at home. Love your children unconditionally, people. Set a good example and treat EVERYONE the way you would like to be treated. Your children learn from you. I agree with being fed up with the Bible talk too. 'Do unto others as you would have done unto you'. God loves everyone, and he doesn't make mistakes!

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Honestly, i feel a little iffy about the word "help" in this sentence, I'm not quite sure what to make of it, on the one hand, just because someone is gay, doesn't mean they need help, what they need is your love and support. My son is only 5 years old right now, but if he were ever to tell me that he is gay, it wouldn't phase me, I would tell him the same thing i would think and wish for him if he were straight, I would hope that he will be happy, that he find true love some day, and i would tell him that he has my unconditional love and support. As for the bible quotes, let me just say this, religion has absolutely NOTHING to do with your sexual orientation, NOTHING. I've known gay people of different ethnic and religious backgrounds and it didn't make them any less of a person.

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First and foremost, the question provokes an obvious question: help him/her TO DO WHAT?

THE best way to help your child live his life is to treat him/her as a TOTAL PERSON, not as merely a sexuality. A person whom you love. He or she may be acting on same-sex attraction or may be experiencing it and fighting against acting on it because of his/her beliefs. Either way, as a WHOLE PERSON, he or she deserves your respect and love.

Another question is: what can you do to help yourself? True love for our children is and should be unconditional. Yet, as we all know, approval for whatever they may decide to do in their lives may be another story entirely. Don't get suckered into imagining that, if you're someone who doesn't believe that acting on homosexual urges is right, it somehow "proves" that you don't love your homosexual child. Your beliefs deserve tolerance no less than do the beliefs of those who may disagree with you.

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Why does my gay child need help? It seems like you mean the child being gay is wrong or different so they need help. We are a free society and as mothers we are know we should be accepting and loving unconditionally to all our children. If we as a society are to live with gay people we should treat them as equals, so we shouldn't feel they need to be helped. He/she will go through all the puberty issues like crushes, dating, being heart broken, etc. So we just support them like we would any other child.

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Religion aside. Don't hide the fact your child is gay, and don't over exploit it. Let your child know you will still love them no matter what sexusl path they are on. But make sure they are also educated. Because, just like with strait children, your child should know about the good and the bad, health, people that might not have the best interest for them, ect. Iv found if you make a huge deal about it you can over stimulate and scare your child. so just take it easy, make sure your child knows the goods/beds, and just have fun with it.

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Hello,everyone my name is Lilian from USA i never ever believed in spell until i meet a man called Dr Maxi, who help me cast a spell that bring back my ex-lover who left me for two years before our marriage,His spells works beyond my imaginations and today i am happily married two kids and me and my [ex-lover] now husband are very happy more than ever before,what more can i say rather than to say thank you Dr Maxi for been there for me,contact him today and your life will never ever remain the same his email is Maxispelltemple@yahoo.com

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