How do I deal with my daughter's father very immature girlfriend?

What would you do if you felt the father of you children was dating someone immature or irresponsible? Would you say something to him? Would you take into consideration his feelings about someone you were dating?

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12  Answers

7 3

I never had this problem, but I have had friends who have gone through this. When I observed one "girlfriend" with my friend's children, it didn't take long to see what the problem really was. The "girlfriend" thought the best way to please the children was to be on their the "fun Auntie". She had little or no experience with children and thought if she acted like an teenager, and made teenage type decisions, the seven and eight year olds would like her better. They did like her, but not the way she needed to be liked...their relationship lack a respect she mistook for not liking her. Have someone else, (who still likes your ex) observe and get their opinion. Maybe they can make a better asessment for you. My friend's children love and respect their step-mother as another "Mom" and my friend appreciates her for being a stable influence too.

193 1

I would suggest overlooking the immaturity. Is it due to a younger age? Inexperience as a parent? Or perhaps jealousy of your past relationship and ties to BD because of the child? These are all questions that you need to consider.
If it is jealousy - then definitely overlook it! If it is inexperience as a parent, see if there is a way that you and BD can assist her in parenting education without offending her in the slightest.
If it is age, then for the most part, overlook it again. Sometimes, maturity comes with age and experience as the circumstances allow.
She may just need to get to know the situation better firsthand by sitting back and watching. Providing reading material on how the schedule for the child is to go, resources for the laws/guidelines, and also advice on being a "step parent" (even though she is a gf right now) could help her understand everything and give her insight on this life.
If she is unresponsive to assistance in these areas, then you should more than likely just overlook it all. If it affects your child - her actions and attitude, a discussion with BD is a must. Honestly, it is up to him to deal with his gf for now, unless the she has a major negative affect on your child.
Remember: you can not choose his new partner. That is between him and her. You might not ever like her - but, she is a part of his life, which brings your daughter into having another "care giver" while with BD. You can discuss this with your child and try to explain it to her as appropriately for her age level as possible. Let her know that it is okay to get to know this person. If her Father trusts her, then you both have to work on trusting her as well.
Do not speak negatively about the GF (or the BDs choice in a partner) in front of your child. This could damage her relationship with her Father.
I hope some of this helps you out! Good Luck!

8 0

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281 0

There really is little for you to do. He needs to make his own decisions and it's not your business. However....when it comes to your daughters care you have very right speak up and control the situation. When he has time with her he needs to be present and not dump her on the g/f. If she is not capable of providing a safe and loving environment then she should not be left in her care.

2 33

you just have to be the bigger person and set an example for your child. If she starts interferring with your children and her father then you may have to pull him aside and have a talk with him alone. Hang in there :)

27 39

I have been there, Sorry to say but you can not say anything, Just as he cannot say anything to you about people you see, You need to keep the peace.
If you say something it can add tension to your daughter (I have two daughters) She has it rough enough that your not together , let alone her dad is seeing someone else. Show your daughter how a confident woman you are and that very little bothers you about her dad.
No matter what is said or done by this woman (girl) lol You need to not say anything negative to your daughter about this woman. (that what us girlfriends are vent too lol)

Keep your head high..and don't forget while you are taking care of your daughter, to take care of yourself too. You deserve it!!


0 0

Well I think the solution to this is different for everyone. I know in my situation my ex would not listen to a word i said and in fact would enjoy my discomfort/anger. I have found that making my relationship with my children 9 and 13 has been the best response to anything he does or does not do. My kids and I talk about everything. And we joke around about much of it. This time will pass, and kids memories are long. Make good memories with your kids, If your ex's new GF is endangering your kids call DCF immediately don't even talk to your ex. But if she's just annoying let her annoy. roll you eyes and diminish her importance by not making her a big deal. your bigger then her and mean more to your kids then she ever will.

10 0

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0 0

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0 0

Okay, so my boyfriend left me in what i thought was a mutual break up maybe in early april. We have been fighting a lot and just over protective and it wasn’t healthy. The real reason (I believe) was that I wasn’t in school with him anymore, and we became distant with all the time we had to spend doing other things. he didnt have time for me at all, the only time i would see him was when i was picking him up to take him to a required event or when i was bringing him food. He told me he wanted to be in the musical, so being a supportive girlfriend i pushed him to do it. That made our relationship harder because we had NO time together. So, during play practice, he met a girl a cute girl that i guess he ‘Fell” for. The thing is, this kid had ALWAYS had girlfriends. there is no telling when he falls for someone. he broke up with me and we kept our distance. i let myself go and begged on my knees for him to come back, called and called plenty of times (what he used to do to me when i would want to break up) and he was more sure of the break up than ever by the way i responded. I’m young but I really love him. He was there with me through the unexpected death of my mother and knows my family situation very well. he opened up full heartedly to me aswell. Since we had such an emotional bond, i was distraught he found a new girlfriend. Whats even weirder for me is she has the same name! She was my friend too. i never knew she used a love spell on him until i met with akim online and he helped me pray for my relationship and broke the evil work of the other girl and my boyfriend came back to me begging me to take him back. i am so joyful . please meet prophet akim on his email thank you so much.

5 20

I would most definately say something to him! They are yours and his children together. You both to think in the best interest of your children and their safety and happiness. No one else,like a girlfriend, should take that place. Do you think if you dated a guy immature and/or irresponsible he would say something to you? I wouldn't get too upset at first, start off nice, see where that gets you. Just tell him you have concerns. See where that take you in the conversation. Good luck! I hope it works out for the best, for all of you!

3 0

In the same situation with my kids. I have found that I have to take him aside and tell him my feelings about the matter of the g/f. See if you do have a problem with the person and have a valid reason for it, you can file a motion with the court so that said g/f can either not be around her or that she must partake in a parenting class. You must remember that you and the father are the parents, not the new girlfirend.

4 20

That is actually not true...the courts will not tell the Father that he cannot have THIS person around your children. They will however, make the proper provisions if you can state your case and they believe that you have a valid reason for the things you are asking (My ex and his (now ex) were ordered by the court to not consume or even possess alcohol after we went to court about the lack of supervision and care my children received at their home. He is still not allowed to have alcohol or have my children around anyone that is drinking and he could not have visitation until he received treatment for his alcoholism. I also have the right to request random UA's as often as I like along with two other pages of provisions. You have the right to protect your children and you can get what you want, if you go about it the right way. This is not to be misconstrued as taking your children away from their father because he has an immature girlfriend or because you want to be mean or spiteful. Do what is best for the kids, ALWAYS.

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5 0

Is her immature behavior affecting your children? If so, how?

8 0

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