How do you feel about spankings/swats/butt busting?

40  Answers

1 0

The problem I have is parents who feels they shouldn't spank but then have no plan for another form of consequenses. Here's the thing, action result in consequenses good or bad it is a part of life. No choice you make goes without a consequence. Some choices you make result in a positive or negative consequence and the degree varies. If my 4 year old slaps me across the face I will swat her on the butt. In real life, if you walked up to someone on the street and hauled off and hit them wouldn't you expect to get hit back? If my child delivers physical harm to anyone including herself, I spank. However, if she refuses to clean her room I do not swat her, I encourage her. I think whatever the issue is, you are the parent and you make the choices on how to discipline your own child. Please do so with love in your heart and their best interest in mind.

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4 37

I think you have it SPOT ON!!!! I agree 110%! My son is now 13 yrs old and when he was 3 he smacked me in the face so I swacked him. That was the first & LAST time that ever happened! He respects me and would not ever lay a hand on me.

0 6

Well said....I did that with a bite.My 3yr old bit me and I bit them back not too hard of corse but enough to never have gotten bit since.

1,372 31

My son is 16 months old and thought it was funny to pull his my hair and his sisters so after many many times of removing him and correcting I got fed up on day reached out and grabbed his. When he saw it hurt he stopped. Kids dont get that things hurt sometimes. I fully agree with encouraging and not spanking for things such as not cleaning rooms. My MIL thinks I'm crazy but says my kids are well behaved and I'm a good Mom who handles my kids better then she ever could. With that being said It's because I teach the Golden Rule and I remind my children that every action has a reaction.

8 0

so, by hitting back after a toddler smashes you in the face: the biggest lesson they learn is that the strongest person, the biggest one, wins and is permitted to use violence to get it his/her way. When an adult is angry, he/she is allowed to smack, byt when a child expresses his/her feelings that way its forbidden...Crazy world! Better say NO! and keep the hands away. I have 3 kids, teenagers, have never hit them and they never hit me.teaching compassion is a better way then teaching violence. And no, toddlers dont have that emapthy yet...but it's our taks as adults to TEACH them compassion and empathy, not by smacking and hitting back.

74 11

That is good of the few I have seen here a lot I certainly agree with. My kids at least two of them, are now parents, one is a toddler and the other a newborn, so the toddler is treated in the way that he can best learn. You have to discover what works best and apply it accordingly. Because if one method doesn't do the intended correction, then another must be used .All of this is of course with love at the intention and explaining that as best as you can so they will understand the need for obedience to do what is right .

15 0

I think that "hitting" and spanking or 2 different things..I don't want to teach my granddaughter to hit anyone..but I tell her I'm gonna spank her and I follow thru...one or 2 pops on the bottom tells her I do not like her actions...this is only for really bad things she does...I do not believe in hitting any child ever.

66 1

Are you for real? If your child hits, you hit them to teach them not to hit? Sounds logical! LOL!!! Wait, that's not funny, it's sad. Sorry for your poor parenting skills people.

8 0

Unbelievable that many of you think that spanking a child will create respect for the parents...did you never hear of living the good example? Give respect and thou shall receive? If there would be more spanking the world would be better??? The world is suffering today, as was always! as a result from the LACK of LOVE and COMPASSION that people have for each other and themselves, not because there should be more spanking. How many people do you know who are REALLY happy and peaceful with themselves? The ones who are in jail or prison are often NOT coming from warm caring families but from spanking to more severe abusive situations. Many people do not know how to love unconditionally. People hate because they are hurt and dont know how to heal that. Where is the anger and hate coming from? Violence is never permitted and it is absolutely possible to raise responsible respectful loving children without ever hitting them. You spank your partner too when he/she doesn’t behave the way you want? 150 years ago it was normal to hit your slaves. 100 years ago it was ok to hit your wives. 50 years ago hitting your kid was normal. Now only hitting your dog and spanking children is still accepted? I see it as a shortcoming of a parent who is not willing to look for other ways and chooses hiding behind some theories, even the bible is pulled out. Children are not possessions. The desire for the right of spanking is just based on FEAR: what will happen if I don’t...well...your child might become even more loving and kind. That’s the kind of children the world needs. Fear never stems from love. Parents needs to live the good example and children will follow. If you teach with spanking to get it your way, you just teach to get it your way with violence. See my "Happy Children, Happy Home" mp3's Carlavanwalsum.com

8 0

If someone hits you and you hit back its pretty primitive I think.Its called Revenge. if your child hits you (and why would that happen?) you can show how that hurts and be very clear in telling him her that you don't do that. Are you a parent that when a child gets hit by another child you teach them to hit back too? 150 years ago it was normal to hit slaves. 100 years ago it was accepted to hit your wife, if she didn't "listen' or refused to do what you wanted. 50 years ago it was very normal to hit children. Now we only discuss spanking. I believe its still violent and a lower way of communication. if educate our children with respect , they will respect us back. We teach the example.

0 0

I think that it is important to spank. The reason kids these days are doing so many bad things is because they are not disiplined properly. When I was a child I was spanked all the time, but sometimes it is best to just sit down and have a heart to heart conversation. Kids are sensitive sometimes.

140 0

I have two daughters, age 14 and 12. When I spank them, i insist both of them to take off their panties before spanking, in order to be spanked on bare bottoms. Occasionally, but sometimes, I insist my husband spank them to. And to spank them on the same way. Are there some other parents who like to spank their children 2 - 3 times a weak, at least?

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318 0

It's a rather big assumption that kids who are spanked don't love and respect their parents.

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2 0

I agree, my mother used to give me a few wacks...lol But, I love her and repect her and knew that it was always out of love and for my safety. After she did it she would always apologize and remind me that she loves me and wants me to be safe and a good girl. When I miss behaved it made her sad and after she popped me she would tell me that I could seriously get hurt and you will thank me later for this. Thank you Mom! ♥

215 1

I didn't ... and don't. I am almost 57 and spanking destroyed trust and respect .. HOW can you trust and respect anyone that hits you? If you, and adult still trusted and respected your husband that hit you ... you know full well that that would be wrong !!!

17 33

Your opinion is all fine and well, TealRose, but it is your opinion. As parents it is our responsibility to raise our children. If a parent chooses to spank, that is their right to parent as they see fit. This forum is for sharing ideas in a non judgemental environment, and that is not what you are doing. You are condemming parents who choose to spank. I was spanked as a child and learned to respect and listen to my parents. It did not teach me that it was ok to hit others. So again, your opinion is your own, you are entitled to it, but to put others down for not having the same opinion makes you very wrong for this discussion. "Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS"

215 1

Actually, respecting a child by not thumping it would be a far more kind and right thing to do. Spanking IS hitting. If I hit you .. you would complain to the police rightly. I would be charged. I see NO difference between children and adults when it comes to being hit - BOTH should be safe from it. I believe the CHILD should have the RIGHT to safety under the law - just like you do since husbands were banned for beating wives 'for their own good and if they needed it' ...

47 0

We give our children a swat or mouth-pop if they aren't listening or are sassing us. Whipping with objects or having a spank-session is excessive. Our children adore us by the way. They are good, well-mannered, smart, intelligent children who love their lives.

56 17

Well said Ali!

5 9

My mother never spanked us at all and I have to say it hasn't made me respect her at all. I know she did the best with what she knew at the time though. We had very lax boundaries and my brothers and sister are all horrible bullies as a result as they've been allowed to behave however they liked. I always thought as a kid that my brothers needed a kick in the bum and now the results are very sad. PS. Spanking ISN'T hitting. They're two VERY different things

0 0

Good for you Ali Wilson! :)

0 6

I agree

0 0

There is a difference between spanking and hitting. Spanking is discipline. Back in the day it was even done in the public schools with a wooden paddle. It is the smart thing to do to raise well behaved, well disciplined children. God cushioned our behinds to provide a place for us to be disciplined. Hitting is wrong and should be dealt with. It is wrong to slap, hit or shove anyone in anger or frustration. Spanking in the right manner will teach children to love and respect others and that they can't always have their own way.

1 0

theres a line between abuse and punishment.abuse is done out emotion.if you hit a child to teach it how to be better then its love.if you hit them bcs you are angry or upset then its abuse.if you hit them too hard then its abuse.@tealrose

0 0

I agree with you Ali and sadly to say so many children do today do not respect their parents...hmmm I wonder why huh?

1 0

Well, I got spanked, switched and belted with a leather belt. I NEVER disrespected my parents! I love them til they day they died and appreciated the discipline. I spanked, switched and once belted my daughter with a belt. She never showed me disrespect to my face and I never heard about her doing it about me or anyone else. Her son knew what a hand on the butt felt like too. He is a well mannered, polite, happy 14 yr old. Kids not only need boundaries, they unconcientiously want them to know how far to go. The main trouble today with discipline, kids are having kids, having kids and they DO NOT KNOW HOW TO DISCIPLINE. They wind up abusing children instead. Good luck parents, whatever you decide.

0 0

Paulette, great comments! Children are looking for structure in the home, and that means they want to know what is acceptable and what is not by their parents! It is every parents God-given responsibility to love, nurture, guide and correct the misbehavior of their children. And a swat or two is legal and is tested and proven to end a temper tantrum quickly!!!

39 12

to me there is a big difference between spanking & hitting. Spanking is controlled, hitting is not

48 0

Wow....did tealrose actually just compare domestic violence to spanking a child? That is the most outrageous comparison I've ever heard come from an anti-spanker. I've experienced domestic violence, and I have to say coming from firsthand experience- there's no comarison. I was spanked as a child, I never held it against my parents. When I got hit by my husband....that was a completely different story. I to this day hold it against him because he had no reason to hit me. When you're so messed up in the head, you can't even distinguish the difference between abuse and punishment.....I think you shouldn't raise children. You clearly need to look up some definitions in Webster's. Try Abuse, then try Punishment. Here let me help: Abuse: Verb-Use (something) to bad effect or for a bad purpose; misuse. Noun- The improper use of something. Punishment: Noun- The infliction or imposition of a penalty as retribution for an offense.

1 0

I was spanked severely as a child. My mother and aunts always insisted that spanking taught a lesson. I must have been asleep or something because I missed it. I never learned anything from a spanking. All I really ever learned is how to better get away with stuff. I admit I was a willful child but that was due to my intelligence and vast knowledge. You see, I was a very intelligent child--high IQ and all that--and being a child, I never understood why adults got angry whenever I pointed something out to them or corrected them on some obscure tidbit of information. I remember getting a spanking because I told my mother she wasn't doing her homework correctly--she was in college--and she had the wrong answers. When she yelled at me to leave her alone, I agreed...but I pointed out that the explanation for the questions she wrote were incorrect and I started to explain it to her. She got mad, fetched a belt, turned over her knee and wailed on me. I didn't cry, didn't get upset...I simply waited for her to calm down and I went and got the book and began to point out and explain the assignment and what the correct answer was. I got spanked again. The second time, I was so angry that I left her to fail her assignment....which she did. When she met with the instructor, he explained to her what he was looking for and what the answer should have been. I was sitting there with her and told the instructor, "I tried to tell her that last night, but she kept getting mad and spanking me." He reached into his desk and gave me a Hershey bar and then looked at my mother and said, "Please do me a favor and listen to your daughter. She has the means to help you pass all of your classes with a B or better." Later I got spanked for making my mother look bad in front of her teacher. But when she came to me for help with her assignment, I refused to help her and told her why. I told her she doesn't like to listen and I was tired of being spanked for nothing. Of course I got another spanking and kept getting spankings until I helped her. Once the semester was over, I told my mother I wouldn't help her if she was going to keep spanking me; I got spanked because I wasn't explaining things in a way she understood, because I proofread her paper and made some corrections--lots of misspellings and grammatical errors; there is a difference in helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your uncle jack off a horse and she didn't like that I pointed that out to her--and because I wouldn't complete the readings and write her papers for her. So I decided when I was young that I would never spank my children unless it was for something really, really bad.

66 1

Wow, I'm so sorry Shannon. That is sad all around. Your mother was taking out her anger at her own insecurities on you. People with higher I.Q.'s don't spanker their kids, probably because they understand it teaches nothing, well...nothing you want to teach a kid. The majority of the time, it's the parents relieving their own anger. I find it even more frightening though when a parent calculates this, ex. go to your room...they calm down. They are not acting impulsively, but think they are doing right. Ew...it actually grosses me out that parents can do these things. Sorry for what you've been through. No need to spank for really, really bad either though. If you raise them right from the beginning, there will be no really, really bad. Best of luck!

0 0

My mother spanked me and I love her very much. She was a university professor so there goes your "low IQ" theory. I don't believe anyone over the age of 30 who says they hate their parents for spanking them! lol. Grow up.

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4 12

It is not illegal to spake children on their bottoms. We all need to know our limits and so do our children. They push to see how much they can get away with. It should not be done with cruelty but when no means no a parent has to put their foot down. It is VERY difficult to be the stern parent. But if parents cannot control their children, the legal system will have to when they are to far gone. A final thought...when I was in school I was more worried about my spanking or grounding at home so I behaved at school. Spanking should be the last action of discipline...try everything thing else first.

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0 0

Debbie, you have set the standard for all parents to follow! Very well said! God Bless you and your family!!!

215 1

Debbie [Avery] Mendez - "Spanking should be the last action of discipline...try everything thing else first." Then what? When your spanking ie hitting your child doesn't work?? Are you going to hit harder? Longer? Use an implement? Use a bigger implement ?? Or are you going to use your brain - ie find other ways to discipline [means to TEACH not to hit btw] or ask for help ... or if your child is really causing problems that you can't help him with ... go and get help for him AND the family ?? And if you ARE going to use other methods and or get help - why not do this ANYWAY and not spank, your child? After all, if they got to THAT stage without being spanked - do you really think that hitting them is going to gain their respect - or just their fear, which is NO way to learn and infact is likely to cause more problems than you have ever dreamed of ??

0 0

Hello TealRose. I have no doubt in my mind that fear is a great parental tool. Why? Because if a child does not have a fear of their parents authority, they will have, and exhibit a total disrespect for their parents. So, if any parent desires to teach their child how to respect their position as a parent, the parent must begin at the birth of the child. And if they establish the knowledge to the child that "yes means yes, and no means no" their work will be easy. Trust me!!! My wife and I did just that!!!

66 1

My kids don't fear me & are excelling, kind, honest, hard working teenagers. They respect me & listen to me. Fear? Weird what some people think, parenting skills differing so much. I don't get some people, but then I see their kids & it makes sense. No logic involved.

18 0

sorry but that's a very institutionalised answer. lol. go to the zoo - you'll learn about compassion there.

8 0

Behaving well out of fear of punishment is not developing intrinsic responsible behavior. Good behavior is normal. the school puts so much stress in children's lives, maybe that needs to change. Children deserve a happy childhood and should not live in fear for "what if". Its the parents and teachers who need to look at themselves what they can change or what they causes in others. To put all blame on the shoulders of the children and their behavior is not fair and plain wrong.

60 0

When my daughtere were younger, I must lower their panties in order to spank them on bare bottoms. After that, I insist they have to take off their panties for the spanking. Talking with other spanking moms, I started to insist they have to strip themselves. (I mean: fully nudity).

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0 0

I believe that it is the ultimate responsibility of the parent to nurture a child as soon as they are born. Now, what does nurture mean? It means to give tender care and protection to a young
child, animal, or plant, helping it to grow and develop. It also means to encourage someone or
something to grow, develop, thrive and be successful. (Encarta World English Dictionary)
Now, if you study animals, such as dogs, cats, lions, tigers, bears, or any other animal
that has offspring. They all operate the same way when it comes to nurturing their little ones.
They all teach their little ones what is acceptable, and unacceptable behavior. If you don't
believe me watch Animal Planet, or a similar program. If the little pup or cub does something
that the adult feels is out of line, they take a nip at their young to say "that's enough of that!"
And that little pup or cub gets the message and changes the direction of their behavior.And
what is amazing, is that those animals can't talk, but their message is made clear.
That's called nurturing! Now, what is different about humans? They don't take a little
nip at their little ones, but they use the word "NO," quite a bit! But what if "NO" doesn't work?
How about time-outs? If you use them and they work, that's great, and you have been successful
in that issue. But, what if time-outs don't work after a time, and the errant behavior continues?
How about grounding, or sending them to their room? After a short time that gets old, and the
little one finds a way around that, especially if you send them to their room with the television,
video games, cell phone and I-Pods, and all the while they are laughing at you on the way to
their room! And those forementioned parenting tools do work for some parents. But some
parents are pulling their hair out, hoping that someone would come over like "SuperNanny"
and rescue them from their their kid, because they have been transformed from a little angel,
to a little devil! There are a lot of parents who grew up being spanked or swatted for no reason
at all. So, I can surmise that their parents were treated the same way! So, they promised themselves that when they grew up, and got married that they would stay away from any kind
of corporal punishment, or discipline when they had kids. Now, I submit to parents that the "old school" way of spanking children if it was with "kitchen utensils", wide razor straps, tree branches, extension cords, or any other tools that they used was in essence "child abuse", even though it was not called such. But many "old school" grandparents attest to the fact that their way of correcting was the only way that they knew. But I also submit to you even though that "wrong way" to correct and discipline was used in the "old school" form, which is now considered "child abuse", there is a "right way" to spank",( which if used) should be used only as "last resort", after all other methods have been exhausted. That correct, and lawful way in all 50 states of the United States is listed in this way. The law in Nevada states that "the parent/guardian may use reasonable and appropriate physical force upon the minor when, and to the extent, reasonably necessary and appropriate to maintain discipline" (Sec. 11.81.430.[Cr.] And it is understood in all states that that means on the rear end, and not to be administered in anger. So,in order to administer such correction, parents must place a "cool down" period between the errant act by the child, and the light swattage on the "seat of understanding". Then, it is also the parent's duty to explain to the child why that correction took place, and close that episode with love and nurturing. That is similar to the "little nip" that the animal parents used to get the attention of their young offspring when they got into trouble. It must be understood, that parents have an obligation to set limitations and boundaries for their offspring early, because the parent is similar to an artist who is about to paint a masterpiece on a brand new canvass. You as the artist, are the one and only one, who gets first dibs on what you put on that canvass in the early years. But if you don't take the opportunity while you have it to hew and shape that canvass so that the painting will be a successful "Rembrandt", you will miss your chance, and the local "junkyard dog" will have their dibs at the "paintbrush" ensuring that you won't not get another chance to nurture and shape your
offspring! So, I hope that is "food for thought" for this never-ending controversy! That is The Bottom
Line!!!

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215 1

As a 56 year old grandmother who never HIT her children and certainly doesn't hit her little grandchildren, I take offence at how you believe that there is a 'correct way of hitting a child'. You can't couch it in any other words - spanking IS hitting. And as such is a violent act which, if I used on you, I would be quite rightly arrested. How and why should anyone HIT another person? Why should a defenceless child be less safe under the law than you the adult or even your dog? Just because 50 States are cruel enough and insensitive enough to leave spanking on the table - because the powers that be are too worried about votes than mere children - does NOT make it automatically right. A few years back we would have been discussing the beating of wives in exactly the same way - and we ALL know that that is wrong. How is it not for a little one? How is it that we can't raise our children up without violence, and with grace and understanding, compassion so they become gentle, caring adults? Any person who is able to 'cool down' and then calmly HIT a child, or anyone frightens the heck out of me ... and should everyone. BTW 'closing the spanking with love and nurturing' is just to make the parent feel better about hitting a child! I just felt anger, hate, resentment, abused and there was NO way I believed they loved me - as they had just HIT, me something even I didn't do to another!! Telling me and attempting to hug me making it 'all ok' to having been hit NEVER gelled with me .. and now at nearly 57 is never likely to! My parents lost me - they lost my love, respect and trust. I surely don't trust and respect anyone who hits me! Just ask my ex husband.....

0 24

You seem to have a lot of issues with being hit that are totally separate from spanking. Spanking can be done in a loving and nuturing environment. i was spanked as a child if needed and I totslly respect and trust my parents. I consider myself to be a well adjusted successful adult- and I believe that in part is due to my parents disciplining me when needed. If they had not - I am sure I would have gone down many wrong paths. There is a huge difference between spanking and beating as there is between being pysically abused by another adult(Which I have) and being spanked as a child - which I was.

215 1

Yes... I have a huge amount of issues about children being HIT which is the same as spanking. If I spanked you .. I would be arrested. I see absolutely NO difference in hitting an adult and hitting a child - except it is even more heinous. As the words say below "Respect not thumps' there is NO respect in hitting anyone... There is NO such thing as putting love and spanking/hitting in the same sentence. Try out 'I spank my wife/husband and I love him/her' - abuse .. right ??? With 'I spank my child and I love her/him' erm .. so hitting a defenceless tiny child, is NOT ?? Why ?? Because they are small and CAN be hit and you can be pretty sure for some time that you won't be hit back ??? That they won't leave?? That they can't even complain to the police ?? I am a fine well adjusted grandmother too - and that had NOTHING to do with being hit. And yes... I was abused and beaten by my first husband - and it felt just the same. Except I had the strength of being an adult, and the ability to pick myself up one day and get the hell out of there. Whereas as a child, I didn't. I had to stay there and put up with it.

1,738 8

Animals in the animal kingdom also eat their young... I wouldn't recommend that.

126 35

lol, I don't know about you, Teal Rose but my hubs 'spanks' me all the time, and I think I'm pretty well adjusted!!! LOL! As for the babyloos, spanking ends the behavior. Simple as that. If spanking doesn't end the behavior, you didn't need to spank them. And every single parent will feel terrible about that in the dark of the night, I can guarantee you that. There's no need to go all warrior of justice on us. We're all just trying to do this the best we can, right?

0 0

Spanking done, when deemed the appropriate action to stop a behavior, is not hitting. It is a punishment for an offense. I raised my seven children and spanked them when the situation required it. They always knew ahead of time what the punishment was, and it was never administered in anger. It was simply one form of punishment to correct behavior when other methods failed or the offense was serious enough to warrant it. My children never interpreted it as "hitting" and they never hit others. Spanking ended a problem and was more effective than time-outs or grounding. They knew they were loved and respected and that I only did what I felt necessary to correct the behavior. " Over and done, now we can move on" with the problem cleared, no harassing, reminding or threatening. There are other forms of discipline that I think are abusive, such as shouting and verbal abuse. All discipline should be carried out in love with discussion about what the offense was and why punishment is needed.

0 6

did your parents beat you or spank you?Do You really think its the same thing to get beaten and abused as it is to swat a kid on the bottom for out right defiancy or disrespect as a last resort???I mean sometimes they need a reality check.They act posessed or something.Since you are a grandmother..Do you have any advice on what actually works for a punishment and gets the point across,I feel like Ive tried everything.

1 0

if my dog bit some1 or scratched them i wud spank the dog as soon as they did it that way the dog knows wat happens if it causes harm.kids are not defenseless.babies shud never need a spanking. a child who abuses others is no longer a baby.adults have the right to harm themselves and if you spanked an adult for harming another it is legal.its called self-defense or defense of another.so no it is not abuse to hit in certain circumstances.

1 0

btw you were the one who said spanking=hitting and hitting can be defense

0 19

The Bible says For every thing there is a season. Is there a season for spanking or maybe the word is reason. I believe that children need to be taught that there are consequences for their behavior. And they are not pleasant. Hitting someone is an angry desire to hurt them. Spanking children is done as a teaching tool. I have often spanked my children when they were little and then gone off and cried. But you have to conquer a child. God didn't give the intelligenc at birth do know what is right and what is wrong.

0 0

Tealrose i am deeply sry about your past...and im glad you got out of there. There are cruel ppl in this world. But whether you choose to be that way towards your children is your choice and will be punished by law. I dont believe in abuse towards kids but i do believe in spankings. My parents spanked me and i spank my kids. Their is a HUGE difference between abuse and spankings. Abuse leaves bruises ang broken bones. Spankings leaves a slite stinging backside and gets ur point across. I agree that it should be ur last resort. But it needs to be the consequence of the miss behavior. Training your child that there is consequences shows him or her that doing whats right will result in a good action and not a stinging backside. How u apply it is the major thing. Now what your parents did was wrong I agree. But it was how they applied it. Some children will obey you if you sit down and talk with them which from what you said i believe that would of been you. But some children like my 3yr old, wont listen to me if i sit down with him so i have to give him a light rap on his bottom, just enough to sting but not hurt him in any abusive way. Its all about how you apply it.

66 1

Anyone who hits their kids with an object should have never had kids! WOW!!!! People disgust me.

0 0

LOL. I just LOVE the "would you hit another adult" argument. No, would not hit another adult. Just like I wouldn't breastfeed an adult. Just like I wouldn't wipe an adult's behind. Just like I would not bathe an adult. Just like I wouldn't put an adult in diapers. Just like I wouldn't potty train an adult. So should I stop doing these things for my son?

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0 0

I'm sorry was the question How do I feel about spanking? Or was it How do I feel about HITTING? Trust me there is a difference and spanking CAN be done in a loving way. I got spank plenty of times and For someone to say my loving parents are bad people can go to HELL for judging such good people.

13
7 2

Well said. Thank you.

0 6

I like

0 0

Maricar, You are absolutely correct in your post. There is a world of difference between angry beatdowns and spanking. A spank is light and swift, and is only used to get the attention of the errant child participating in misconduct after warning has been given, and to teach the child to understand the difference between right and wrong behavior, with a clear explanation of what kind of behavior is expected by you as the parent. That is called nurturing!

1 0

I can not believe all the people that have not had discipline in their childhood or offered it to their children!!! Hummm may explain some problems of the country. No, dont jump me now for that, just kidding. Maricar, Thank you for your comments. Above was a comment about how animals make babies mind....they truly do but remember as soon as baby animals are weaned, the mother kicks them out and does NOT recognize them as their child but another adult animal. Should we throw ours out at the age they begin eating on their own?? Uhhh no! Thats abuse! Should we let children run over us? No! Should we let them do things that we know is going to hurt them? Well, parents that love their children wouldn't. I am sorry but I believe in "helping" children learn their boundaries. I do believe in speaking to a child, time out, and taking things away, but I also believe sometime the action is a quick swift pop on the butt, not BEATING. If you can NOT TELL THE DIFFERENCE you are right....you should NOT discipline by swatting. We use to call them LOVE PATS. I know my parents did it out of love. As for waiting til you are not mad??? I have walked away rather than swat at the time but usually it is something that needs to be adressed at the moment. Would you wait before popping a hand reaching for a hot stove????? I'm just sayin....

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I get the point across to my kids by teaching them, not hitting them. Clearly, some people have less intelligence & can't think of ways to get through to their kids without hitting them.

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Thank-you well said. I am a 58 year old grandmother I bet Teal Rose never had her 13 yr grandson tell her to f##k off, because I asked him to take care of his plate. And yes I did swat him and told him never to talk like that to me again. I'd rather that than end up quitting school, drugs or anything else that could hurt him for the rest of his life

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I don't think theres anything wrong with spanking as long as its done correctly. It should never be done out of anger and is a last ressort! AS it stands, I smack my girls hand if i say dont touch three times and she keeps doing it, but when i say smack its not hard, its just to get their attention that its wrong. we have also smacked their bums in the bath tub for standing but again its after three warning and just to get her attention.

its not abuse, the tragedy is, theres a whole generation of kids out there with no values and no appreciation for anyone but themselves due to no discipline! thats distugusting!

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Thank you, I sure am glad that there are still some out their that knows that a child has to have discipline to learn correct behavior. Scripture teaches us to discipline our children. Nowadays that is sadly lacking and it is very noticeable. So many people have absolutely not respect for others and do not think think they should be accountable to anyone.

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I agree Caryn Stone!!!!!!!!

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Well said Caryn!

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Unbelievable that many of you think that spanking a child will create respect for the parents...did you never hear of living the good example? Give respect and thou shall receive? If there would be more spanking the world would be better??? The world is suffering today, as was always! as a result from the LACK of LOVE and COMPASSION that people have for each other and themselves, not because there should be more spanking. How many people do you know who are REALLY happy and peaceful with themselves? The ones who are in jail or prison are often NOT coming from warm caring families but from spanking to more severe abusive situations. Many people do not know how to love unconditionally. People hate because they are hurt and dont know how to heal that. Where is the anger and hate coming from? Violence is never permitted and it is absolutely possible to raise responsible respectful loving children without ever hitting them. You spank your partner too when he/she doesn’t behave the way you want? 150 years ago it was normal to hit your slaves. 100 years ago it was ok to hit your wives. 50 years ago hitting your kid was normal. Now only hitting your dog and spanking children is still accepted? I see it as a shortcoming of a parent who is not willing to look for other ways and chooses hiding behind some theories, even the bible is pulled out. Children are not possessions. The desire for the right of spanking is just based on FEAR: what will happen if I don’t...well...your child might become even more loving and kind. That’s the kind of children the world needs. Fear never stems from love. Parents needs to live the good example and children will follow. If you teach with spanking to get it your way, you just teach to get it your way with violence.

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dear Ms Caryn, the tub ones, boy do I remember those!!! Wet and bare, made to lean over the rim, and mom using a belt! Alot of hoppin&rubbing afterwards!!! Tom.......

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I have a 2 year old son who is very head strong and does not like time out! So my husband and i decided to spank his butt! Guess what it works! I also have a 1 year old who we have spanked once and never had to do it again because she now understands that no means no and she stops immediatley! So my opinion is it is ok to spank your child! BUT there is also a difference between spanking ang beating you child! SPARE THE ROD SPOIL THE CHILD!

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just because somthing works doesnt mean u should do it. wanna know how to get free food? steal it! seriously it works! do it -.-

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really well i dont care if you like it! its my child i will disciplin him the way i want so get over it!

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Dianna, I don't think this non-spank crowd gets it yet. So... let me see if I can make a it little clearer to understand. Either you swat a child to correct them, only as a last resort early, or you will be calling your local Swat police team to your house to rescue you from your out-of-control teenager later! Now let's see if that computes! Great job, Dianna!!! Ron

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i just think saying it works so do it is a bad way of putting it? there are plenty of things that work but you wouldnt do, is what i mean. and as for 'Either you swat a child to correct them, only as a last resort early, or you will be calling your local Swat police team to your house to rescue you from your out-of-control teenager later' TOTAL AND UTTER CRAP my sister was smacked when she was naughty but it made her a hitter, she was an out of control teenager child and now adult and she was hit so it really makes no difference what so ever!

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Ron-I did not smack/hit/spank my children, and did not have out of control teenagers,never once had to call the swat team. my children were very well behaved, they did well in school, now have degrees and are married and starting families, (they will also NOT be hitting their children) its amazing to me how many people think the only answer is hitting, you can discipline, and do it well, without resorting to violence.

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exactly Dianna, i have never beat my children but when all other methods of punishment fail i will spank their butts. Just today my 4 yr old was spitting and after 3 warning to stop that gross behavior he got a swat. he cried for a minute and said he was sorry and went his merry way. Not scarred for life!

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well i understand that some people dont believe in bustin a kids butt and thats ok! But my husband and i do! Ya know why we do it because IT WORKS! By the way every child is different and your sister probably just uses the fact that she was deciplined by getting her butt poped as a kid as an excuse to do the things she does! Every adult can make the decision on how they will act and respond to things! So dont try pulling the she was smacked thats the reason she acts the way she does! I was poped as a child and i dont go around acting like and idiot and go around hitting people!

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"Train up a child in the way it should go and in the end it will not depart from you!!!"

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Ron, that's ridiculous!!!! My kids were NEVER hit once & never even get in trouble at all!!! They're teens & get compliments all the time!!!! Call the police, are you for real? Those are the kids who ARE being hit getting the police called on them! Or the kids who's parents just ignore them & neglect them, don't discipline them at all. I'm very strict, but would NEVER lay a hand on my kids. Can you say all honors classes, high honor roll, 2 jobs, extra-curricular activities, kind, clean room, awesome kids!!! Yay ME~!

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"just because somthing works doesnt mean u should do it." Wow. Now THERE is backwards logic. Wanna know why stealing actually does NOT work? Duh, because there are CONSEQUENCES. Just like spanking is a consequence!

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Ms Dianna, this Marine/corp/Vet sulutes U!!! Nothing wrong with a spanking! Bye.....

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God put 2 little balls of fat on our back sides. I know they are designed to cushion us when we sit down, but I think he also designed them to be spanked. I believe in spanking, but only on the bottom and not when your angry, and not to the point of abuse. I spanked all 5 of my children and would do it again They are all fine young adults, and raising fine respectful children.

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Kasren, You have said what is true, tested, and proven! If every parent followed your prescription for parenting, more of society's children would be raised to be productive members! Kudos to you for being a great and loving Mom! be productive

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I agree with your posts..i have several kids and we use spanking as the definite last resort..but my children have been raised to do as they are asked respect adults and they dont get into trouble ..I have seen inmates that said they wished there parents took the time to discipline THEM..

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Nicole, it is too bad that those inmates parents failed to give them the secure, structured, and disciplined environment that every child deserves! They must learn what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior and they grow up to be productive citizens!

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God did not give us butts to be hit by our parents on! Seriously, to cause us pain and humiliation? He gave us our gluteus maximus to sit, stand, walk and run! God DID however, give us two hands. These should be used to love and protect our children from pain and humiliation. There are SO many new and better methods of discipline. Ways to teach obedience and respect without mixed messages of pain equaling love. Why risk increasing your child's risk of anxiety or depression? Research says it can inhibit self esteem and confidence. Let's use our hands for HUGGING and not HITTING.

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That's ridiculous.

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Unbelievable that many of you think that spanking a child will create respect for the parents...did you never hear of living the good example? Give respect and thou shall receive? If there would be more spanking the world would be better??? The world is suffering today, as was always! as a result from the LACK of LOVE and COMPASSION that people have for each other and themselves, not because there should be more spanking. How many people do you know who are REALLY happy and peaceful with themselves? The ones who are in jail or prison are often NOT coming from warm caring families but from spanking to more severe abusive situations. Many people do not know how to love unconditionally. People hate because they are hurt and dont know how to heal that. Where is the anger and hate coming from? Violence is never permitted and it is absolutely possible to raise responsible respectful loving children without ever hitting them. You spank your partner too when he/she doesn’t behave the way you want? 150 years ago it was normal to hit your slaves. 100 years ago it was ok to hit your wives. 50 years ago hitting your kid was normal. Now only hitting your dog and spanking children is still accepted? I see it as a shortcoming of a parent who is not willing to look for other ways and chooses hiding behind some theories, even the bible is pulled out. Children are not possessions. The desire for the right of spanking is just based on FEAR: what will happen if I don’t...well...your child might become even more loving and kind. That’s the kind of children the world needs. Fear never stems from love. Parents needs to live the good example and children will follow. If you teach with spanking to get it your way, you just teach to get it your way with violence. See my "Happy Children, Happy Home" mp3's Carlavanwalsum.com

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I stand by my decision to spank. Timeout is a big joke for some kids. As is spanking for others. I surely would not put a mom down for choosing to do either or. What I don't like is people who see you child get in trouble and ask if you need help. Thanks I am good, and I know what is best for my child. Give me a break if your going to say you are always calm when you discipline your child. We as humans and parents do loose it sometimes. Spousal abuse is different from spanking and is a very broad theme to bring into a discussion about spanking, which should happen on a child's behind. The two don't correlate. I wanna see your proof that children that are spanked are horrible members of society.
TealRose you might want to look into some counseling for yourself, your childhood, and your previous marriage. Good luck with that!

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Katie I have never made a comment on here but read about spanking and I TOTALLY agree with you. There IS a difference between spanking and beating! I am now a grandmother, I raised 2 boys and they both were spanked and will tell you they probably deserved more. I had friends say that we were the only couple with kids that were invited into their home because my boys were so well disciplined. They werent beat, they were spanked. My grandchildren are spanked too, and given a reason why they were spanked. "Time Out" is plain stupid to me! There are more toddlers telling their parents what to do and it should be the other way around. Parents just don't get it! Plain and simple! Being hit by a spouse and being spanked as a child is COMPLETELY different. Some of these parents are going to have major problems when their precious brats turn 12 and 13 yrs. old then they will wonder what in the world happened. By the time they finally "get it" its going to be too late. If you spank or smack their hands when they are starting out it doesnt take long and then all you have to do is say "No" and the kids get the picture. Isn't it funny how the kids understand and "get it" but their parents don't! Good for you for being a good parent and I know your children will love and respect you for it.

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Totally agree!

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There are some religions and cultures where "domestic discipline" is practiced, mostly Christian and Muslim/Middle Eastern cultures. The husband has the right to discipline his wife as he sees fit and it is not surprising that wives are often spanked the same way as their children: bare bottom over the husband's knee with a belt or paddle. It is not seen as abuse and it widely accepted in those cultures. I know in certain cultures, the wife/mother is spanked by the husband bare bottom over his knee in front of the children. I've actually seen this before when a classmate invited me over to study. Her husband was angry that dinner wasn't ready on time and the laundry hadn't been done; he took her by the arm and pulled her across his lap, bared her bottom and spanked her with a razor strop from the table drawer next to the chair. She cried and kicked and squirmed like a baby and he made her stand in the corner with her bare butt on display. After ten minutes, she was permitted to rejoin me but had to have dinner on the table in 30 minutes and start a load of laundry. I was floored when she told me that was normal in her culture and religion and that the husband was the head of the household. I told her that was illegal in this country and she needed to get her children and leave because no man should be doing that to his wife. And what is this that parents aren't calm when disciplining a child? I'm always calm when I punish my children; I have never spanked my children when angry. I have spanked them out of fear, like when my son was 3 and he ran into the street for the ice cream truck. It wasn't bad or hard; he didn't even cry. When I was done, he asked, "Can I go now?" and we walked to the ice cream truck and got ice cream. I didn't spank him for two years and when I spanked him again, it was for stabbing another child with a sharpened pencil. My son had some issues that only medication could fix, to a point. Having a child with mental illness greatly complicates things because he has a different reality where staring in his general direction triggers paranoia and paranoia triggers violent behaviors intended to defend against this "threat." My daughter and I had it out back in August; I told her she could either stay and do as told and follow my rules or find a new address. She chose to move out. Have to hand it to her; she is doing well. I only spanked my daughter maybe three times in her whole life. She's a basically good kid, independent and responsible. My son is a harder case to argue because of his mental illness but for the most part he does as he is told. I understand where TealRose is coming from. I got spanked a lot for stupid things, including telling my aunt that since she liked spanking bare bottoms so much, she should join a special group when she needs to get off; I have always believed that my aunt got off on spanking us on the bare. I once got spanked six times in one day because my cousins kept getting me into trouble by lying and telling the adults I did something and when I denied it, the six of them would back each other up and since there was six against one, I always lost. To this day I have nothing to do with my cousins or my awful nasty aunt.

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I'm not always calm, but anyone who thinks hitting kids/spanking kids is helpful is ignorant.

8 0

Unbelievable that many of you think that spanking a child will create respect for the parents...did you never hear of living the good example? Give respect and thou shall receive? If there would be more spanking the world would be better??? The world is suffering today, as was always! as a result from the LACK of LOVE and COMPASSION that people have for each other and themselves, not because there should be more spanking. How many people do you know who are REALLY happy and peaceful with themselves? The ones who are in jail or prison are often NOT coming from warm caring families but from spanking to more severe abusive situations. Many people do not know how to love unconditionally. People hate because they are hurt and dont know how to heal that. Where is the anger and hate coming from? Violence is never permitted and it is absolutely possible to raise responsible respectful loving children without ever hitting them. You spank your partner too when he/she doesn’t behave the way you want? 150 years ago it was normal to hit your slaves. 100 years ago it was ok to hit your wives. 50 years ago hitting your kid was normal. Now only hitting your dog and spanking children is still accepted? I see it as a shortcoming of a parent who is not willing to look for other ways and chooses hiding behind some theories, even the bible is pulled out. Children are not possessions. The desire for the right of spanking is just based on FEAR: what will happen if I don’t...well...your child might become even more loving and kind. That’s the kind of children the world needs. Fear never stems from love. Parents needs to live the good example and children will follow. If you teach with spanking to get it your way, you just teach to get it your way with violence. See my "Happy Children, Happy Home" mp3's Carlavanwalsum.com

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We know so much more about human development and human behavior than our parents did. They did not have as many tools as we have for discipline. Spanking or slapping hands is no longer need to teach children to be responsible.

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I have been torn on the spanking issue. I started out not spanking then resorted to it a few times when my son seemed to respond to nothing else. It did stop his behavior better than any other form of discipline but also increased his own aggressive behaviors at other times. When I would tell him not to hit, he said well you hit me. And he was right. And I don't want my child to mind me out of fear of me, but instead out of love and respect for me. I stopped spanking again after seeing some negative effects from it. I don't really want to teach my child to hit people when they don't do what he wants them to do. That could lead to big problems in the future. But that's basically what we do when we spank- we hit out children when they aren't doing what we want them to do. If it's not okay for an adult- if it's not okay for your husband to hit you if you go against his wishes- then what makes it okay just because it's a child. So I've been there on both sides of this and personally, for my own children, they will not be spanked in the future.

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God Bless your thinking and choice. BUT don't dare call it wrong. It's not beating. It's not abuse. It's a form of discipline. It works for some and not for others. Me? I try all other forms before it comes to that form of discipline.

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Discipline doesn't mean "punish." Discipline means, "to teach or learn from a disciple." Discipline actually means teaching. I discipline my children when I teach them what behaviors are acceptable and unacceptable. They learn when they are no longer invited to someone's house; they want to go to Grandma's coworker's house and play with her granchildren and I simply tell them they cannot go because of their behavior at the last visit. When they realized they would not be invited back to visit, the behavior changed, lest they end up staying at home all the time. That is discipline. Smacking a child's bare bottom only buildss resentment and anger and the child obeys out of fear rather than out of love. I never wanted my children to fear me, but for some reason they did. My children usually got big chores they hated, like cleaning and organizing the basement, picking up the dog poop from the yard, and washing out the big trash can. I resent my mother and my aunts to this day. I haven't forgiven them and I never will. My mother taught us to fear her and so did my aunts, but parents don't understand that by fearing them, children grow up to have little to no experience in dealing with authority because fear is associated with those in authority. People hate what they fear. The one thing I hate hearing more than anything is a parent telling a child that spanking them hurts the parent more than it hurts the child. I call bullshit on that. That makes about as much sense as a screen door on a submarine. No sane person intentionally inflicts pain on themselves...unless they happened to be a masochist and most parents are sadists. They would have to be sadistic if they spank a child to tears and a cherry red bottom. Most parents believe a child has to scream and cry for a spanking to be effective. News flash: It is never effective to inflict pain and injury to achieve desired results. My children love and respect me, even my son who has severe mental illness, and have turned out to be great kids.

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I find it a little out of whack to think that you respect someone who teaches you violence. I am 51 years old and I was spanked a few times as a child and all it taught me was to fear my parents. Spanking teaches a child fear of getting in trouble and getting hit. It teaches them violence as an answer to wrong doings. I don't think my parents felt good after spanking us kids and learned that using time out and taking away privileges brought about a better response. Sure it's easier to just get a quick whack and get it over with rather then being responsible for your actions. I raised my children without having to raise a hand to them and I'm proud of it. They learned that their actions brought about a consequence. As an adult if we do something wrong we have consequences, if we break the law we can go to jail and have our privileges taken away. As an adult if we hit someone what does that accomplish? We can go to jail, right? So why would you think hitting a child is teaching them anything but violence and fear of you? Are you preparing them for the real world when they grow up where it is okay to hit someone if they do something wrong? So in essence you have told them as a kid it's okay to be hit and to hit if they do something wrong but you have to stop hitting, spanking as an adult because you could go to jail if you are caught. Wrong message ladies, so stop spanking your children and teach them something they can use all their life. If you do something wrong there is a consequence that doesn't involve violence. Teach with love instead of anger. Make the consequence fit the crime. If you colored on the walls though you know you arent' supposed to have them scrub it. If they took something that doesn't belong to them, have them give it back or work to pay off what they broke or took. If they bite have them bite a sponge until they can't bite anymore and continue to have them do it until they learn that biting isn't any fun and not the right answer. If they spit, have them spit in the toilet 100 times till they run out of spit and know that that is not acceptable and they only place they are allowe to spit is in the toilet and not at someone. Just examples that I have had to deal with raising three children, helping raise grandchildren and 25 plus years helping to raise other people's children in daycare. If you want them to learn violence let them watch cartoons, now there's another subject we might want to discuss.....

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GREAT!!!!!

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I'm absolutely against it. Yes, I understand some children simply don't respond well to time-outs and the like...at first...but the truth is, they WILL grow out of it, and they WILL learn, if consistent discipline is used every. single. time. But they won't grow out of knowing you HIT them. That you used violence to ensure that you got what you wanted (even if what you wanted was reasonable). You've taught them that the ends justify the means, and I don't agree with that. Not at all. My daughter, now 6, went through and extremely trying period from 3-4 years old. I thought I'd lose my mind, honestly.

But as hard as that was, it's worth it knowing that I didn't teach her that it's okay to hit people who don't do what you want. I didn't incorporate violence into her world as a way of life. And now, she's an extremely well behaved, well spoken, kind and thoughtful little girl who has no doubt that hitting people is wrong. I have no regrets. I endured, as all good parents must sooner or later, hard times, and we came out closer and stronger for it. I'm glad that I didn't succumb to using physical violence because of my own anger and frustrations.

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Sarah well done !! It isn't easy is it? But as you say was SO worth it. I never wanted to teach my children that violence was a good thing, that hitting was what you did to get your own way. They are now grown into fine, kind, gentle caring adults !

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i knew some kids who did not grow out of the it.they were teenagers and saw timeouts as fun.so they tried to get put in it

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As i got older my mom quick spanking me and would instead send me to my room (i was and still am a big reader) so i would just lay in bed and read...so i would get out of jobs i was supposed to do that day.

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it's cruel and abusive punishment out of fear and pain. is that the way we want our children to grow up? there's so many better alternatives. the problem is it's hard to adjust to the change from spankings to time-outs and taking away privileges. but it's got to be done and it works so much better. we are "giants" to our children isn't that such an unfair match? wouldn't a bigger person abusing a smaller person be a bully? yes, i think so. love and constructive discipline is all you need. and on occasion dad can approve or disapprove of certain behavior and raise his voice a tiny bit. i'm too gentle and loving for my kids to b afraid of me. and i've never had any problems with any of my charges throughout my life. just my own 2 little amazing little people. lol!

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It is abuse and teaches kids that it is OK to hit people who are smaller than them. It also doesn't teach anything positive and doesn't help the child make better decisions....

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That's pretty black/white/and overgeneralized...you must've done a shitload of research to make such blanket statements. Amazing.

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@ Brenda: I did a shit load of research and guess what I found? Adults who were spanked as children were more likely to suffer from low self esteem, self confidence, anxiety and or depression. Pretty Amazing hey? The more we know, the more that is required.

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Julie, it would helpful for you reveal your sources of information so we can trust, but verify!!!

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wow I was spanked (not beaten) as a kid but I have great self esteem, amazing self cofidence etc.Guess thy did the research on the wrong people

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Ok ... I'm probably going to get some stuff said but oh well, this is my opinion. As a child I was smacked and, at 19, I believe I turned out okay. My 2 year old gets time outs either in a corner or at my feet ( depending on where we are) HOWEVER, I have smacked her twice now, both times for dangerous behavior- such as running away from me close to a road. I wouldn't smack her over not cleaning her room or some other easily rectified behavior. Over all I believe it is a parents choice on how they parent :D

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Don't you hit or I'm going to HIT YOU. Makes no sense to me.

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Exactly Megan!!! People have no logic! UGH!

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My son was never, ever confused by this. Yes; I spanked him one time for hitting. All else failed, and certainly "please don't hit" was not getting the message across. In fairness, the boy he was hitting was smaller than him, had taken a toy he wanted, and the smaller boy's mom was not around. I told my son what he was doing was not nice, I told him to stop it, I dragged him away & he kicked free to go back and hit the smaller boy again (who was crying by then). So I spanked my child. And I did not feel at all guilty either. He stopped hitting, started crying. Later; I asked him if he thought I was wrong to hit him when I wanted him to not hit others, and he said, "No. I didn't realize hitting hurt THAT much!" Lesson learned.

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Why do we have any rules at all against hitting? Does it not feel great? Or something?

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As a family therapist with 35 years of experience, a mom of two young adults Samara 22 and Todd 29, I can honestly say that I walk my talk. I have never swatted, spanked either of my kids and as far as my patients are concerned I have not ever supported their aggressive treatment of their children. Why do I feel that way? MOst parents that spank their children are frustrated and unable to calmly articulate what their child did or didn't do that disturbed them. I am all about Aerial Parenting, an anti punishment approach, that focused on our child's safty, wellbeing and talking rather than striking at. Be mindful that when you spank, you child can become a spanker of their children. The harder road is to realize that that one major mistake and start from scratch. You can disagree with me but anytime I have seen anyone hit, spanked etc., that's a child, it goes right through me. There are so many more options. Please read my book, What Do You Expect? She's A Teenager! Remember when you made a mistake, were you hit? Just because a parent did that, didn't make it right. It's not right to hit. It's right to teach a child how to be compassionate, civilized, just, fair, compromising while true to themselves. I have two amazing caring intelligent young adults who are good citizens and wouldn't hurt a fly. Give your child hugs and love!!!!
I get really fired up on this subject!!!

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Arden, I commend you on your approach, but it does not work for everyone! I believe that you are referring to beating a child, as opposed to several light swats on the backside! Beating a child is abuse and unlawful, but spanking, which is lawful is defined as "reasonable physical force" and I have a Bachelor's in Criminal Justice, and amzonk an Alternative Sentencing Domestic Violence Instructor! Take a look at my book entitled "Parenting: The Bottom Line, and see if you agree with what you see there, and comment your honest response!!!

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I remember pushing my mom to limits a couple of times,,,she didn't spank me when I was small, ,in fact all my mom had to do is give me the evil eye...when I was 2 I remember sitting in my high chair one morning and she handed me a bottle, while she fixed breakfast,well, I did not want milk and I threw my bottle down,,,back in my day those bottles were glass, that bottle shattered and milk everywhere,,,I remember my poor mom cleaning it all up...without a word...she sat down at the table & ate breakfast...I didn't get any...I asked to eat and she got up and gave me another bottle...needless to say I drank that bottle and was very hungry by lunch time...but I learned a lesson...I should have been spanked...my mom never lost her cool...as I got older 5,6,7 I got yelled at everytime I did something wrong...but never got a spanking....as a teen I smart mouthed her I got hit alot...I very seldom smarted off to her...I think I would have preferred the spankings.

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Several light swats on the backside? Are you for real, Ron? Well said Arden!!!!! So great to see such an amazing parent among a sea of ignorant ones! BRAVO!!!!!!!

0 0

"Be mindful that if you spank, your child may become a spanker of their children". Um, why does that not instill the worst of fears in me?

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Hands arent for hitting!
Thinking chair worked for my little girl as a toddler and now at the age of 7,we sit and talk about it,and if I need to notch it up another level "No activities".(havent had to go that far yet).
I was bought up by a single Mum in the, 60's,70's,80's, My Mum never ever touch us,we did as we were told.I am a Mum in my 40's now and I love every moment,clear boundaries and Firm Language is all you need.

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Here is my 2 cents. I was spanked as a child. Back of a hairbrush, meter stick and of course by hand. How do I feel about it? I didn't trust my mother. I walked on eggshells and was terrified to move in the house given I was a child and was learning my boundaries. I hid in a closet, under my brothers bed at times. I would have to out run her at times. Was I a bad kid? Not at all. She had 0 patience, never "talked" to me to understand why I shouldn't do things. I made innocent mistakes that kids will make. I don't believe a child should be scared of a parent, their home should be a safe place. The world can be cruel enough. I have 4 healthy. smart, productive kids, ages 6, 4, 1 and 5 months. I have never laid a finger on them. Also, I want them to know it is not ok for others to touch them!

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I wouldn't want someone "spanking" or hitting me now. It's degrating, insulting and belittles and could land someone in jail. Is it in child abuse laws that segregate hitting from spanking? If a child hits or spanks at school it is bullying. Should a teacher "spank" because it is non-evasive. What I seem to read is the ones that are OK with it say oh I do it with no anger, it's not hard. If that were true then it wouldn't work as not feeling pain would mean nothing to a child. There is no element of fear. Pain creates fear. Look at your kids face next time you do it. Sure it takes a lot of patience to sit and work it out with a child. Many time its because they get into something that we could have prevented. I don't want to raise my kids to think oh well if I can't get through to them hit them. Many out of respect for thier parents will applaud and say oh it helped me and gives me an excuse to do it to mine. Nobody wants to come to a realization that maybe just maybe they are wrong. I have my kids, I will continue to not lay a hand on my children. Although my daughters friend is sent on her knees to a corner or gentley spanked by her parents. I asked her how she felt about that. Her words "It scares me and sometimes it hurts" she is like a little mouse, way to go! I'll take of mine and choose to use my words and you may do what you choose and maybe no one will ever change it. I chose to break the cycle of "spanking".

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Jennifer, abuse is cyclical, spanking is not! Most of the time all it takes is a tap on the backside to get the child's attention, after all other methods have not worked to bring a change of direction in errant behavior! It is not a cycle of spankings or it can easily become abuse. Kids are very smart and they understand quickly that no means no; and you love them! That is the Bottom Line!!!

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I wou clasify that as hitting not spanking

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Ron, some children don't see the difference between hitting and spanking. My mother spanked us, her mother spanked her, my grandmother's mother spanked her and it goes on and on. Everyone got hit. But there is no difference because they both involve pain inflicted by the one person that should never hurt you. On other hand, my father didn't spank. Neither did his parents, grandparents or great-grandparents. They were appalled to learn that my mother spanked me and my father would often leave me with his parents for extended periods of time. Instead of spanking me when I refused to come to the table for dinner, my father would say, "The dining hall is now open. It is six o'clock. It closes at 6:05. If you are not in your seat by then, you will have forfeited your meal. That is all." There were times when I missed it and I was not allowed to get something to eat until the next day. I wasn't forced to join; I was given a choice. My mother didn't believe in giving children choices. There wasn't a right or wrong way, just her way or no way. And as far as my mother was concerned, she was never wrong, even when it was obvious that she was. My mother spanked me once for refusing to eat a bowl of ice cream she served me; never mind that I didn't ask for it, that it was strawberry, my least favorite flavor and a food to which I am highly allergic. After the spanking, she forced the ice cream down my throat, cracking some of my teeth, cutting the sides of my mouth. My dad heard my screams and came running in to find my mother forcing ice cream I didn't ask for and didn't want, down my throat and every time I refused it, I got spanked. My father took me in his arms and rushed me to the hospital. I think I was blue by then; they gave me special meds and I recovered, but to this day my mother still refuses to believe that I have food allergies and insists it's all in my head and that I really do like it. Spanking is a form of abuse, plain and simple. I always hated how my mother, after a spanking, expected me to hug her and smile. I was never allowed to show anger, but after seven years of holding it in, I exploded. I was 14, I think, and my mother accused me of flirting with my sister's boyfriend. See, if my mother says you did something, it was true regardless of the evidence to the contrary. She came at me with a belt and this time I decided to fight back. We tore up the house, scratching, kicking, punching, slapping and biting. My father wasn't home, but my brother broke it up and I immediately packed up my things--only the things I'd bought with the money I earned from a summer job--got my money from it's hiding place--I had nearly $900 saved up--and I left. I caught a ride with a neighbor who worked near my dad's shop and my father let me stay in the special room he had in the back when he worked late or had one too many and couldn't drive home. My mother demanded an apology, which I refused to give. My father simply started taking me to work with him, but it didn't matter. My mother and I fought again; this time I was 16, married and pregnant with my daughter. I'd gotten married, just to get out of my mother's house and my father invited me to dinner. He wasn't home yet, but I stayed and waited. I had a few friends over and then my ex came over--have no idea why--and while we were in my room, he pulled a gun and aimed it at my stomach. I cursed him out and my mother stormed into my room. Before I could explain. she grabbed me by my dress and shoved me into the living room. I was six months pregnant and fed up with her bullshit. I told her what happened and she called me a liar--business as usual--and I slapped her. We fought, but I had the advantage and pinned her to the floor. My brother broke it up and I jumped up, crying, and stormed off. My brother asked my mother what happened and she told him I said Darryl had a gun and was pointing at me but she just knew I was lying. My brother asked my mother if she spoke to Darryl and she said no, she didn't have to because I was a liar. So my brother went to him and asked if he had a gun. Darryl was sheepish and admitted he did and admitted he pointed at my stomach but it wasn't loaded. So my brother asked him to leave and went and told my mother I was telling the truth. She tried to apologize, but it was too late; the damage was done. I walked out of my mother's house for the last time in my life and never went back.

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I am not sure who is moderating this forum or if it is moderated at all. I came in to add my opinion about spanking coming from the perspective of an abusive upbringing, and also a degree in Child Development. Quite frankly, I am afraid to say anything. No matter what I say, someone will be offended or disagree. And although that usually doesn't bother me, the immature and hostile responses some of you have made towards each other is offensive. You can say what you think with out sarcasm. Good grief.

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Melissa, The question is, how do you feel about....? That leaves the answer for you and how you feel about a certain issue! You can only answer from your point of view! No one can speak for you. They can either agree, or disagree, but they have not walked in your shoes! So do your thing and join in the dialogue! We all can learn something we didn't know!!! Ron

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It will cost you the trust ofyour child, You may think it is an instant solution, but it creates long term problems that you will regret later
Dont do it.

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I cannot believe even to READ this question!!!
To use any form of violence when your child is NOT behaving the way YOU want, is TEACHING the child tho use violence to get it his /her way. That is the big message! the strongest can do what he /she wants! So, when your older child hits the younger out of anger and prustration, DON"T be upset, because you were the one teaching how anger and frustration can be expressed!!!

For many it is seemingly soooo difficult to understand this because most of us are raised with the power versus powerless education. We will reproduce the same behavior later in life.

The hidden message is also: "if you dont behave the way I like, I punish you" The hidden message for the child is also: I am not accepted for who I am. ( The core essence of the problems why many clients in my practice come to seek for help) It is a sign of CONDITIONAL LOVE.

Heart=based and LOVE based education gives other alternatives then spanking...It is interesting that if parents really look deeply insight of them, they disover often other reasons for their frustration then the surface was showing them...

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Well, Dr.Phil says no spanking. Personally I think Dr.Phil is a kook. Their are some kids that have to have a pat on the britches. My step son would take his tricycle into the street no matter what we did. I mean we nurtured the heck out out him and nothing worked. A firm pop on the butt did it.

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Kandyce - so you chose to hit your stepson, instead of simply taking the bicycle off him for a while? BTW tricycle indicates to me that this child was very young - and shouldn't have been anywhere NEAR the road or able to get into the road at his age! Just .. sad.

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Totally agree! Dr Phil is a kook and there nothing wrong with a good smack on the bum when nothing else works.

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Phebs, There was a teenage male bouncing his basketball against the newly painted wall on the side of the house. His mother came outside and asked him to stop, because it was just painted a week ago! The man-child that she gave birth to not many years ago told his mother to "shut up and get back in the house!" So, his mother turned around and went back into the house with tears in her eyes! Now, who do think is the parent in that home, and when do you think that started? If there is no structure, and no limitations and boundaries and correction set by parents beginning from that, sad scenario will be repeated in every home across America!!!

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Parents need to begin the nurturing and correction of children's behavior from birth! Children learn fast!

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One of the top psychiatrists & he's a kook! If that makes you feel better....

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Ron, that is also terrible parenting, the parents listening & obeying their horrid kids! Equally as horrible as a parent who hits their kids. There are a lot of terrible, ignorant parents all over the place.

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'One of the top psychiatrists & he's a kook! If that makes you feel better...." Tammy, you really trust Dr. Phil? You know his license was revoked 15 years ago, right? You know he "fixed" a woman's situation with her anorexia during her pregnancy by telling her husband to stop looking at other women, right? The woman weighed 90 pounds and she was pregnant! Dr. Phil IS a kook. And he hires actors for ratings. The Russian government had yanked American adoptions from the U.S. all because Dr Phill encouraged an Alaska mother to abuse her adopted Russian son for ratings!!! TV pop psychologist babble; that really explains you!

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I think a well placed swat on a bottom following the warning "if you do that again, you're getting a spank" gets their attention and serves as enough deterrent to change the behavior.

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Tasia, beyond all the nonsense coming from the parents who want to be "best friends" with their kids. A swat or two from them early, is the best deterrent from having to see the S.W.A.T. Team chasing their children later!

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Don't want to be best friends, never would hit them! You can be very strict without hitting them, or very neglectful & lazy & hit them. People think if you don't hit them, you're not disciplining them. Not true.

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Ms Tasia, I agree with you, several swats can do wonders 2 a misbehaving butt! Thank you 4 your input! Tom.....

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I personally don't believe in them. First of all, punishment in and of itself has a lot of problems that go along with it... But spanking/etc. in particular I am absolutely against. No matter what you are "teaching," you are still demonstrating that hitting another person is okay. I do not buy into the "do as I say, not as I do" type of parenting - if I want my child to engage in safe behaviors, so do I. When my dd started kicking my dog and yelling "All done water!" (he drinks until he's sick), I realized that she saw me nudge him with my foot and yell (he's almost deaf). So I changed my behavior, and now she walks over, pets him gently, and says, "Sorry, Jack Jack, all done water. All done." I think that if you remove yourself from the situation until absolutely calm before delivering the punishment, then MOST (not all, of course, and not for every person - but for a lot) spankings would not exist. I would rather deliver consequences that match the behavior (you make a mess - you clean it up; you hit over a toy - you apologize and lose the toy) while teaching appropriate ways to get your needs met.

Positive reinforcement works wonders while avoiding the pitfalls of punishment. Think of how often you show up to work (positive reinforcement - you get paid, you keep your job, you have money to buy things) versus drive the speed limit (since speeding tickets are punishments).

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Consistency to time outs works unbelieveably well. We just have to be the adult and be consistent and persistent to performing the time outs. There was a Super Nanny show where the mom put her child in time out over 160 times in a row until he understood that he was going to have to listen to her. He finally got it....no physical pain involved at all. Time out worked everytime after that....

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Susan, is that why we have so many prisons in the world today, so the inmates can have a "time-out" from society? How's that working out for us, Dr. Spock?

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Umm... Ron, do you have the statistics on how many inmates have been spanked versus delivered time outs and other forms of non-aggressive consequences? There are so many problems with the prison system as it stands, but reinforcement history says a lot about how a consequence will work. Parenting has a lot to do with it. I do not have statistics on those in jail and a history of what consequences are dealt to them, but I have researched serial criminals and they often come from a back ground of violence - severe spankings, hitting, etc. with little mention of any non-violent, non-aggressive methods.

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Lise, I have some statistics for you to ponder, and you decide! In the U.S. As I am writing these words, there are roughly 2,500 children between the ages of 13 and 17 years old in prison serving "Life Without Parole"! And while you are still sitting, there are about 75 others between 13 and 17, who are on "Death Row" and will eventually be executed! Now, please tell me if the "time-outs"'and "lazy" parenting learned from "Super Nanny" worked for their parents? hummmmmm.......

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Ron, your statistics don't match my question... My question was, how many people in prison were delivered consistent time outs? How many were spanked? THAT is the info that's needed. If you read literature on people in prison/mass murderers/etc., many of them suffered abuse from their parents. Those numbers you provide are interesting - but you have offered NO SUPPORT that those people on death row had "lazy" parents or parents who didn't spank. I only know one person on death row personally; his parents DID spank him into being a very polite guy. He was respectful, he listened, and he raped and murdered a child. Granted, that's not a statistic nor is it data; it's one personal experience. If you want to support your theory, provide the data that backs it up.

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our prisons are over capacity because the younger generation has no respect for anyone including themselves. Nobody has any control, not parents or teachers & the kids know it. When I was growing up actions had consequences.....now nothing until its bad enough or you get caught & you end up in jail

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The states that HAVE Corporal punishment in school are the ones with the most juvenile crimes. 99% of people in jail WERE corporally punished!!!!

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http://health.usnews.com/health-news/news/articles/2012/02/06/spanking-produces-troubled-kids-study-contends

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There is a difference between a beating and a spanking. As a child i got both. My sons all got spankings growing up. If I had to tell them 2 times to stop the inappropriate behavior, I warned them that if I had to tell the again they would get a spanking and a timeout. I was basically a single parent and it was very stressful working all day then coming home and taking care of them at night. I could not have them out of control, i needed them to behave appropriately, knowing that there were consequences for bad behavior. There is nothing wrong with a spanking when it is needed....I've seen lots of kids on playdates who would really benefit from a spanking. Watching the parents try and persuade and reason with this out of control child makes the parents look stupid, and if the child is behaving this badly in public I can only imagine what goes on at home.

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I agree; it does depend on the child. I respect parents who say they never spanked and their children are polite and well-behaved. However, I know that parents also set different bars for what they think is appropriate behavior. I grew up next door to a girl who was never spanked. I was spanked by my mom. I remember her mom describing us to a friend of hers as "My daughter is very well behaved while Paige is just good as gold". Then my own mom later complained to the same neighbor: "the girl next door is a complete brat. Very disobedient." I realized: the difference was in the expectations of the parent.

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Kids are exactly that, kids. There is a difference to 'hitting' an adult., who should have all faculties, supposed logical and mature enough to know right from wrong. A kid does not, he/she is still learning, knowing boundaries and if you are fortunate and have kids who are well behaved, less discipline is needed and then, if you have one who is prone to tantrums, to being challenging, what do you do then ? When timeouts and all that reasoning/talking do not work ? I advocate spanking as a last resort. Its never a first option and its a good deterrent, spanking works. As the kid gets older, spanking stops and taking away privileges are the norm for bad behaviour. Please do not compare 'hitting' an adult to 'spanking' a child...totally different subject.

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My daughter was very challenging, never hit her. My son wasn't, never hit him either. It was a LOT of work to raise a challenging girl, but she's a teenager now & my patience & hard work has paid off. She is in all honors classes, receives high honors, is kind, works 2 jobs, keeps her room clean, never swears, is classy, etc.! You don't have to hit them if they're "difficult", that's your choice if you do & would be a poor one. It would teach them things you don't want to teach them.

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Good for you, Tammy! I guess all that Dr. Phil paid off, huh?

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We starting spanking our child around the age of 3. Other things just did not work for him (corner, timeout, etc.) We tried EVERYTHING but nothing worked for him. He did not understand until we started spanking him. He learned real quick that if he did something bad he was going to get tore up. He is a much better child since we started doing it. He was completely out of control before and now I cannot even believe he acted the way he did before. It has made a very positive difference. Every one feels differently about this issue, but if it works for you then do it. I did not want to start doing it, but I just couldn't take it anymore. I had to go on medication he was so terrible. Spankings helped us tremendously. He is much better now and knows if he doesn't do the wrong thing he will not get a spanking. Regardless of whether people say they do it or not, they have at some point. It is ridiculous not to do it unless you like your kid to be terrible and show out all the time. I have also noticed that a lot of lazy people do not do it either because they just do not want to take the time to discipline their kids and let them run all over them.

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May I ask why, if you were having so many problems with a tiny three year old, you didn't ask for help from a child therapist instead of hitting him? [Tore up? that sounds really frightening to me ..] Sure .. he avoids a spanking .. who the hell wouldn't - but does he REALLY know why he shouldn't or should do a thing? Does he really know how much you love him ?? Because as a child I know once my parents hit me I didn't. Lazy parenting is not finding out the cause of the problems, not respecting a child's own personal being - and hitting them. You wouldn't want me to hit you, would you?? You wouldn't find that respectful??

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TealRose... Lay off. She just said she stopped so get off her back. Are you perfect? I bet you have NEVER made any kind of mistake in your life. Your parents must have beat the hell out of you because I know plenty of kids who have been spanked and they are just fine. That is what is wrong with this country now. These kids do whatever the hell they want because all they are going to get is talked to or sent to a shrink. I am so glad I was spanked while I was growing up because I am ashamed to think that this could have been me with no discipline. How many kids do you have? How did you deal with a child who responded to nothing else? I am kind of curious to know since you seem to act so perfect.

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I second that!

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No .. what is wrong is that in many places, like the States, they have NO sense of decency where children are concerned. Votes are more important than saving children from being hit - whereas in Europe in most places it has been banned - and our society is FAR FAR less violent than the States. You should read up on that .. on how in States that use CP too in Schools the problems there are FAR greater than any of the other States. By the way .. no spanking does NOT mean no discipline. However .. what bothers me most .. is that anyone somehow thinks that hitting a child .. or ANYONE is ok and right...just because they use that magic word discipline which actually means to teach. And no, to most pro spankers my parents didn't beat me. They hit me and shouldn't have. I happen to know plenty of adults that were spanked and whom it is a BIG problem ... just fine ?? Some people smoke until their 90's ... so .. is it just fine that everyone can smoke safely? No. We didn't used to have safety belts in cars and yes, I am just fine ... but thousands of lives have been saved since the use of seatbelts became law. Perfect? Me no far from it - like anyone else. I had two children - and they were NOT easy by any means. But .. we taught by demonstration, by natural consequences ie you don't want to wear boots fine but your feet get cold later etc, by taking away prized toys for a short or longer while, by not allowing to go to an expected outing, by walking to school / friends with them for a while if they were caught being foolish near a road plus a lot of other things beside. There is ALWAYS something other than hitting. I also looked after many children for others, and in groups and there was NEVER any hitting. I am curious how hitting teaches a child anything other than to avoid being hit? If adults can continue to learn .. and they do, perhaps a good spanking by the ... bank next time you pay something late, or by the policeman who catches you driving 1 mph over the limit, or your husband spanks you for being rude to him ??? oh ...nope can't do that ! Because hitting an ADULT is abuse! I do NOT understand nor will I ever how there is ANY difference.

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I agree with Erin, that is what is wrong with this country now!! I believe the Bible says Spare the rod, spoil the child.......

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Actually Erin .. it doesn't. But Christ did warn parents not to 'anger' their children, and warned too that anyone who hurt one would be punished....

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The Bible says in Proverbs 23:13-14 Withhold not correction from the child: for [if] thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell. Ephesians 6:4 And ye fathers provoke not your children to wrath but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Colossians 3:21 Fathers provoke not your children [to anger] lest they be discouraged. Matthew 18:6 But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and [that] he were drowned in the depth of the sea. The Bible uses the word "beat" and while I don't believe in "beating" my children I do believe in spanking. I was spanked, I loved and respected my parents, and my children love and respect me. To provoke or offend a child has nothing to do with correct discipline or spanking. It has to do with turning a child away from God or enticing them to sin or causing them to distrust you as a parent which can be done by teasing or belittling. If spanking is done correctly ( and YES there is a correct way) a child will understand that there is right and wrong and that the Lord as well as you the parent desires them to walk the path of righteousness. Proverbs 22:15 Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child, but the rod of correction will drive it far from him. Proverbs 29:15 The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.

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Teal Rose - I think it is obvious you don't agree with spanking. Please stop trying to condemn anyone who does. Everyone raises their child the way they feel is right, you included. You have no right to throw your negativity at anyone who believes spanking is the way to discipline a child. You stated your opinion, end of story.

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I feel VERY negatively to people who hit their kids too. It makes me sick, Dolly! You go Teal! Nothing like sticking up for kids. If it's a swat on the butt, big deal, pointless, but big deal. If someone hits their kids with an object or hard, SICK, IGNORANT & WRONG!

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Myself and 5 brothers and sisters came from a loving and happy home, but if we misbehaved on some occasions, we had a smack. We had often pushed the parent to it as they were few and far between, but it did often deter us from doing it again because we knew the punishment. It hasn't harmed us and we have always loved and respected our parents. I my self have had to smack my son on a few rare occasions and on one occasion I bit him after he had bit me. I think he still loves me!! There is a difference between a smack and a hit, and I don't think a small smack hurts any child if the have overstepped the mark. It saddens me to see really naughty children misbehaving and Mummy/Daddy trying to ''speak'' to them about their misbehaviour and the child running around taking no notice whatsoever.

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good for you rosemary! These are the kids I can not stand...they get up and walk around in a restaurant..and their parents have no control over them...as they are trying to "talk" disipline them...

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Parents who don't discipline their kids are equally as disgusting as parents who hit their kids. Both have poor parenting skills & tools.

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Parents who ignore their kids are disgusting. Parents who spoil their kids are disgusting. Parents who hit their kids are disgusting. Parents who spank their kids are JUST FINE.

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In my opinion, spanking on the bottom should only be used when the child has done something that could put them in a "life or death" situation. For ex: running out into the street or in a parking lot, jumping into the lake without a lifejacket...I wasn't spanked and I don't spank my 7 yr old son. He's gotten a spank on the behind for running out into the street...once. That's my opinion. Causing your child pysical pain and then apologizing for it, makes no sense to me. To each their own.

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Totally agree. We have a simple rule - harming themselves or other (as in endangering - Eg - a child is about to put a fork into the power socket - I would smack there hand out of the way and repeat no etc.)

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There are as many opinions as there are parents, if anyone wants to hear mine, I think neither spanking, nor butt busting are going to teach a child what's right and what's wrong. I never hit, spank or otherwise punish my child in any physical way. I raised my voice at her (rarely, but I did), and I apologized to her for that. I want to teach her that hitting, spanking, and the such are all unacceptable, and she should never accept them from anyone. The only way I can convey that is by setting an example. If she misbehaves, there are toys to be taken away, there is always some favorite activity to be cut short, and there are always ways to make it up. As she grows up, I require that she thinks of ways to make up for her mistakes (she yelled in a tantrum at daddy while shopping? she needs to apologize, explain what she's apologizing for, what she should have done instead, and she needs to think of a way to make it up for it). If she does something dangerous (to herself or others), I normally just need to calmly tell her of the danger and she'll listen in 99% of the cases. For the remaining 1% I'll use the "I'll only read two stories tonight instead of 3" remedy, which is the most painful one for her. If she is in real imminent danger (too close to the street, biking straight towards small kids without looking) and there is no time for her to react to my words, I usually run and prevent the catastrophe as best I can, and then do the explaining. I don't have anything against people who do use spanking as a last resort. My parents did that (and I don't hate them for it, but I don't think it was a good educational resource either). I just don't do that.

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I gaurentee you will end up with a "bossy" beligerant, preteen,teen that will want her way in every situation..if she is showed no disipline she will think she can get away with murder and someday when she has done something really really bad...and she's responsible for it...how are you gonna help her...? By telling her she needs to apologize and needs to think of a way to make it up to them ??

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I read an excellent blog once. It was from a very worn out father who said; "I never wanted my children to fear me..... and they don't" It was hilarious, but kind of sad also. His kids were teenagers; he could not get them to do ANYTHING. Everything was negotiable.

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I have a 3yr old and every now and then she gets a tap in the butt keep in mind she does have a pull up or something on. She has a lot of attitude but the occassional tap on her butt is calming her down. I still gett the same amount of "I love mommy" kisses and hugs as I did before nothing has changed at all except her behavior is getting better.

I believe it all comes down to the childs personality and what works for the parents. Some parents have no control over there emotions and yes can and have severly hurt there child, however, those bad incidents can't be turned on us parents who do have emotional control over the situation with spanking our kids. You can be anti spaning if you choose but don't be little or put down parents who choose spanking, its not a right for anyone to judge anyones parenting as no parent is perfect and not one parent will always agree with the other. Except people have different styles, ways and skills and let it be without arguing and acting childish

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There are just some things that time out's and counting don't seem to work for. There is nothing wrong with a swat on the butt with in reason and it has to fit the crime. Those of us that got swats when deserved aren't in to criminal behavior but if you look at the kids that get asked over and over again to not do something tell me how much respect they have for their parents let alone society I can tell you NONE. Take a look at society and see 1980's and back and how much crime there was and those people were spanked. but look towards 2012 and how many young adults are into some crime and they were more then likley not spanked cause the law says we are not aloud and gave our kids the upper hand against us. Do i think teachers should be aloud to spank our kids no i don't it should be for the parents.

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SO yesterday

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Everyone likes a well-behaved child. My children are all adults and two of them have adult children. My mother's choice of discipline was to shame, embarrass and humiliate..She was discrete most of the time but sometimes not. It was successful but the emotional pain lives on and on and on.... Let me say this: When I was in a nursing home relearning how to walk my niece brought my mother (age 95) to visit me. She leaned over me and said, "Can you ever forgive me for the awful things I said to you?" It was emotionally healing - I was 64. DO NOT NAME CALL, EMBARRASS, BELITTLE, HUMILIATE OR USE ANY KIND OF VERBAL ABUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When children are very small they love to touch and feel things. Pretties are soooo attractive. Some people will disagree with me on this but I firmly encourage it. Put things that are treasures away or out of reach. Let them learn not to touch with things that, should they get broken, won't make you feel angry! When you are visiting someone with lots of "stuff" have a few toys with you and USE DISTRACTION. Avoid frustration by keeping your visit short. Children don't need to be thrust into temptation!

I made lots of mistakes raising my children - don't smile and say, "I won't" because you will. It won't be intentional - as I told my oldest when he was 16 and on a rant about what terrible parents he had, "We don't lay awake nights talking about ways to make you miserable. We do talk about how we might help you." He was the oldest and we were determined that he would be PERFECT. He was perfect - our efforts to perfect him were with good intentions but not always helpful.

We did spank sometimes. That's not something I would do hindsight. There is a cartoon of a dad sitting on a park bench with his child over his knee spanking him and he's saying, "How many times have I told you not to hit other children?" That sums it up for me.

I read a book MOST OF US ARE MAINLY MOTHERS. There was a sentence that, to me, is profound and I typed it up (no that was before computers, dears) and put in on the fridge. RAISE THE THRESHOLD OF YOUR ANNOYANCE. Never lash out at your child in anger. They need to understand that they have pushed the limit but they should never doubt for one second that you value them less! Keep in mind that sometimes anger makes us unreasonable.

Correction is changing direction. Discipline doesn't have to be harsh - you'd never slam on the brakes and steer wildly on ice. You'd surely crash and wreck your car On the other hand you wouldn't throw up your hands and cover your eyes - that's permissiveness. Both end in disaster!

LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOBE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE AND LOVE MORE!

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Linda, if you suffered severe beatings, as well as emotional scars as a child, I am sorry for what you went through. But, if you have been reading these posts you have read that "old school" beatdowns by parents back in the day were passed down from generation. It was not called "child abuse" but it was! So now in this present day, state law has begun to define what is "child abuse" and what isn't. all of the 50 States in this Great Country that we live in states that "parents or guardians have the right to use "reasonable" physical force, in the correction and discipline of their children"! The words "reasonable" means only a "swat or two on the backside, and only after all other methods of discipline, ie, time-outs, or grounding etc, have been used. And iif you swat, let it be the last resort, and not be done in anger. I know you find this hard to swallow, but this bring the child to understand the difference between acceptable and unacceptable behavior, and that there are consequences for flagrant misconduct! Please respond to anything that I have written in error!

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I was NEVER beaten. But as far as I'm concerned BROW BEATING is unacceptable. I don't have a problem with a swat on the bottom but only as last resort. I apologize if my post offended you. I thought I shared some valuable thoughts. Maybe I'm too old to share. :)

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Linda, thank you for correcting my error. You are right about "brow beating" children. It leaves very deep emotional scars, and can be sometimes worse than the physical. Your comments are welcome anytime!

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I completely agree: brow-beating a child is every bit as bad as beating a child physically. In ways it can even be worse. I discourage all forms of brow-beating. It ain't spanking tho!

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My children are all grown and have children of their own now. I spanked my children and believe that God has commanded us to do so. The Bible says "spare the rod, spoil the child" My children are wonderful citizens, hard working, responsible, and they are now spanking their children as well. If the spanking is done in love, and only on their behinds...they will live through it and be better for it.

Our world today is full of spoiled rotten people that commit crimes if they don't get their way. Our jails are full of people who never learned discipline. It starts in the home when babies are small and learn to not touch electrical outlets.

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My kids are teens, hard working, awesome teenagers & I never hit them. Do you eat pork, does your husband cut his hair, do you stone people who are raped? It also says that in the Old Testament. It actually doesn't say "spare the rod, spoil the child", that is a VERY mis-quoted saying from a poem Hubridias by Samuel Butler. There are a lot of spoiiled rotten people, true! You can spoil them rotten AND hit them, imagine that! The states with the most juvenile crimes are in states that use Corporal punishment in schools. 99% of people in jails WERE corporally punished! You teach a kid not to touch an outlet & watch them at that age. If they touch an outlet, a parent should spank themselves for not watching their kids well enough! You seem like a very nice person, but should do your research on these matters more. Looks all this stuff up, there are multiple outlets to inform yourself about the statistics, etc.

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I feel that spankings are important in raising children. I believe that the lack of is a big reason that our world has ended up the way it has. Schools used to be able to use Corporal punishment in schools and now most are not allowed and our schools have gotten out of control and I truly believe that this is one of the main reasons. I believe it teaches respect. I am talking about spankings and NOT hitting....there is a big difference.

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Rachael, 22 States have re-instated corporal punishment after the Columbine Murders. They took these measures because of the willful negligence of parents to discipline their children across the country! You are on point!!!

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Actually, that is not true, Ron! http://cdugan0.tripod.com/JonesboroEtc.html

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I for the most part don't believe in spanking, I am a big believer in talking to kids. I found that a lot of the times if I exsplained why what they had done was wrong they quite often didn't do it again, I also believe in teaching kids to think, I would often ask them about what they did which would make them think about their actions, I also taught them about cause and effect, we would talk about their actions and the the effects it had, we'd discuse who or what was effected and how they/it was effected. if more than talking was needed I would give time outs and/or take away privileges. I said for the most part I don't believe in spanking and that is true I do however think in some cases when it's a matter of safety and they need a sound lesson fast a spanking would be given, my oldest son got a spanking when he was three and I walked into the kitchen at his Grandma's house to find he had gotten a hold of a garbage bag and had put it over his head and entire body, I pulled off the bag and gave him one firm slap on his bottom and told him never to do that again, after wards I sat with him and told him I was sorry for spanking him but he could never do that again and exsplained the danger, another example of a time I would think it appropriate situation for a spanking would be a child running from a parent in a parking lot or near a street, in my opinion if a childs action has danger of harm or death to the child and a spanking is going to get the message not to do it again a spanking is not a bad thing. I will say though in my opinion if spankings are given with any kind of frequincy they will be uneffective in doing anymore that teaching a child that hitting is ok. This all said if disapline is needed, in my opinion which I have formed in the raising of my four children time outs/groundings and/or taking away privledges is the way to go unless it's a matter of a quick firm lesson needed to protect them from serious injury or possible death.
A couple other points I have to make that I feel vital in raising children are: Be consistant if rules and exspectations are not clear the kids with not be clear on how to behave, do not give false threats, if you treaten that you're going to give a certain consequence for a proticular behaviour and you are known not to follow though the kids will know there are no real consequences for bad behaviours. and start with kids when their young, if you wait until a child is preschool, kindergarden age before trying to put rules and boundries in place your going to have challanges that could have been avoided.

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For those of you against spankings, I've always been against it...i now have a 14yr old and a 12yr old that call me every dirty fowl mouthed thing they can think of and threaten my life on a regular basis its gotten to the point where im almost afraid to go to sleep at night!! In my house bad language and physical violence does not occur and is not allowed...their dads side of the family is the opposite and find this behavior funny and they way real men should be!! If I try to take something away (video games, phones, friends) the behavior gets worse and im literally scared!! I recently called the police on them and the police told me that what kids need is a good spanking!? Could somebody that raised their child with the not spanking method please tell me how to correct this behavior?? No matter how crazy they get I still feel like spanking or hitting them back is child abuse, the fact ones the same size as me and the other one doubles me has me feeling like I've lost all control and am going to end up seriously hurt when their tempers go off ( thus is a multiple times a day occurrence, not blue moon occurrences....PLEASE HELP!!

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Tocia Hurt - bless you for not hitting your children. Children AREN'T easy .. whether you spank or don't. Like you ... I never spanked. Those police need their heads examined on several counts. The main one being .. have they ANY idea how you are going to spank children that at that age are probably bigger and stronger than you are and who are already abusive? If you can - I would get them both and yourself into family therapy fast. If you leave it too long they will be too old to be 'made' to go. Have you anyone who you can help you talk to them ... or take them with you to therapy ?? I really think this is WAY past ordinary discipline and says more about their home life with their father. Keep yourself safe ... I wish I could advise more - but as I say ... this behaviour hasn't happened suddenly out of the blue ... and won't go away fast ... Good luck ...

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TealRose, What is the law concerning the spanking of children where you live?

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My husband has been a Teacher/School Principal for over 45 years both in New Zealand and in Australia, and after the strap was taken out of schools in 1997 the decline happened drastically over 18 months. Now we have 5 year olds telling their teachers to go and get ???? or you cant make me... throwing chairs, hitting the teachers, (one teacher was kicked to death) and others have been attacked. A Western Australia State School Teachers Union president has warned that teachers are dealing with increasing violence. 45 years go, because my husband was well able to control his classes, he used to be given what we thought then were bad classes, and they were classes of 50 kids, but now he says he would rather have 3 of those large classes than one of todays small classes of 25 kids. America..In November 2011, the Department of Justice’s Bureau of Justice Statistics and the Department of Education’s National Center for Education Statistics quietly released a report—“Indicators of School Crime and Safety: 2010”—indicating that 145,100 public school teachers had been physically attacked by students at their schools in the course of a single school year and that another 276,700 public school teachers had been threatened with injury by a student in that school year, and that was only the tip of the iceberg as most are not reported. Where as it was only one or two teachers keeping an eye on kids in the playground and making sure that they eat their lunch, there is now growing public anxiety over acts of violence in public schools has prompted educators and lawmakers to drastically heighten security and safety measures in public schools in order to reduce and prevent violence and ensure safety in schools. These are kids for goodness sake and they are now so violent... I wonder if it is because of this new expermantal new way of bring up children, with no effective discipline. And they wonder why teachers are leaving teaching or not going teaching eh. Yes things have changed and I do not advocate smacking all the time, talking or time out does not work when a kid knows that their parent cant stop them.. if they do not learn self discipline and respect for themselves and you when they are young, then not only will they not have the self discipline to say no to drugs, sex etc but they will also not have respect for their parents.. I gave my children a choice, a smack (and I played hocky so my smacks were not light, they didn’t come back for a second helping) or to take something off them for a week or two.. but as it was over and done with quickly they always chose the smack. As far as I am concerned, it is mental child abuse taking something off them for a period of time, their punishment goes on and on and on, they are in your bad books for a time and I find that is very cruel... There have been all sorts of studies done all with differing results. Studies generally lean towards the opinion of the people putting the study out thus the differing reports, but the very best study done, is the past... centuries of seeing what worked. Why was there so much less crime before 50 years go???, why were people so much more respectful??? Why did kids do as they were told???? why did we not have to have guards in schools, WHY, why and why???.. and yes there is more to all this than a lack of strong discipline, violence on TV, working parents, food etc all come into play, and we do not stop that so we are to blame there as well... As I said, I gave my three boys and my daughter a smack when necessary, if I told them to do something they did it, there was no tantrum's, screaming, fighting, etc, they knew the boundaries, they knew where they stood and thus were very happy and secure in that,.. people loved them, and I could take them anywhere.. now, the eldest is in the police force, another is a policeman, another earns 4 times more a year than my Principal husband, and our daughter/husband have their own business. Strange instead of hating us they all live around us and we see them all many times a week and I baby sit regularly, and yes they know their boundaries also.. yep the beltings sure did them harm, they are happy well, adjusted adults, and they themselves are well respected in their jobs.. mind you we did have a lot of happiness, fun, playing, and masses of love...

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Gaye, Thank you very much for your words of wisdom and experience. I agree with you 100%! If children don't have structure and boundaries in the home, they will not respect their parents, nor any other adults! Great Insight! Ron Mackey, Author of "Parenting: The Bottom Line".

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Tocia Hurt--I can tell you from personal experience that you can reverse that and end up with well-behaved children...all without laying a hand on them. What I had to do with my children was to raise the stakes a little. Whenever they act out or disrespect me, I give them a warning and if they ignore it, I tell them to go upstairs, take off all their clothes, since I bought them, and and after that, tell them to get out. And don't back down. I did this with my daughter; it didn't take her five minutes to realize I was serious. She was yelling at me that I was selfish and lazy and I didn't do anything for her, so I told her to give me back my cell phone, my iPod, my food and my clothes and she can go out there in the world and make it on her own. Five minutes on the porch in her birthday suit was enough for her. I did it to make a point, not to humiliate her. First of all, we lived in a remote area and our nearest neighbor was three miles away, so there was no danger of anyone seeing her and we were too far away from civilization, so she was safe. But she realized I did a lot more for her than she gave me credit for, so she came back in, put her clothes back on and I never had another problem out of her. My thing is, if a child feels they're old enough to threaten you and call you out of your name, apparently they are grown and therefore don't need you. I went through that with my children and I stopped cooking, grocery shopping, buying them clothes, taking care of their hair and all that mothering stuff I do. My children were angry because I wasn't doing those things anymore and I replied that according to them, I never did those things, so all the things they said I didn't do, I didn't do them that day. They became frustrated because there was no food, no clean laundry, house was a mess and all I did was lay around and read all day. Not until they came to me and apologized and acknowledged all that I do for them and began helping me get the house back in order. Then one day, my children just got up and did chores themselves without being told; they even made me breakfast. You can still get through to them by letting them know you are in charge and if they don't like it, they can move out. They will test you to see if you're serious; follow through. If it means they sleep outside for a few nights, then so be it. It's called tough love for a reason.

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Tocia, just hang in there. You might wind up dead but don't whack your child's butt!

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