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How do you support your partner during their custody battle?

A custody battle is likely to cause huge emotional stresses for anyone involved. How can you best support your partner during this trying time in their life?

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8  Answers

17 12

I think the most important thing is to support whatever decisions they might make. When my husband and I first met his ex girlfriend was pregnant and it was extremely difficult on everyone. Initially, I tried to put in my two cents and tell him what I thought he should do. But that only caused more problems in an already tough situation.
Soon I learned what he really needed wasn't unsolicited advice but just someone to listen, hold his hand and support him.
I didn't agree with all the choices he made but I know he appreciated the fact that I let him make decisions about his own child. If he wanted my input, he asked for it. I made sure to choose my words wisely and to never badger him.
We all want to help and want things to go the "right" way, but at the end of the day that is someone else's child and not our business. It's important to know your place.

0 0

Amazing advice. Thank you

2 0

A simple "Baby I love you" followed with a nice peck on the check goes a long way.

0 0

HELP! I have been with my partner for one year and a half. When we met, he was separated. Things were filed for legal separation and we waited the 12 months. The ex is making it extremely difficult for him to see his child. She has requested for another 6 months ( of him only seeing his child once a week.... UNDER HER SUPERVISION ) I have not met his child and it is heartbreaking to me. Makes me feel like his is content to play her game, makes me feel like I am not good enough to meet his child ( child is under 4 yrs). I have put up pictures around our home, of his child so that he can see I am trying and wanting to love and accept his child and become a family ( of sorts ) of our own.
He says he loves me so much! Says he wants to marry me ( no ring yet) but nothing really is official. He stated the other day, he has no intentions of pushing for a divorce until custody of his child is complete. I totally understand that but what gets me upset is that he SAYS he wants a life with me and I am not seeing any proof. Everything is a battle and has been for some time. Torn between letting him go and figure out his past affairs or do I simply support him at all costs?? We both know that the ex may NEVER sign papers but we are prepared to go through with a ceremony regardless, BUT, I would like it official and to include his child in our wedding.
I am upset that he doesn't even seem to be trying to end his past marriage yet wanting to move forward with me. Am I being unreasonable?? He has given a lot of lip service in the past and telling me things were going to happen, but as time has moved on, nothing has changed


Need advise please!!!

127 0

By thinking very carefully about what you're committing to, and making sure you're not getting in over your head or past your own long-term limits, promising more than you want to give longterm. That breeds resentment and harm for everyone, most of all for children who have no say in what's going on in their own childhoods.

By understanding the law and what you are in fact responsible for, so that you don't get bad, expensive surprises down the road. Make sure you talk to a lawyer yourself and get the understanding from someone who knows. Don't rely on your partner to get it straight; he's got plenty on his own plate to think about.

By staying out of the legal business as far as is possible, and letting your partner handle that. The more you insert yourself in this fight, the more you're going to make an enemy of the children's mother, and you all have to live with each other for a long time after this. Like it or not, the mom will be in your life for a long time. Be emotionally supportive but understand that this is about a child you may love but is not yours, and a marriage that was not yours.

By remembering that however upset he is, however upsetting things are, you don't want to be engaged in trash-talking anybody. If you don't think he's reacting strongly enough to her, remember that that's because he's a kind person who loves his family, old and new, and you appreciate that in him.

37 0

I found that my husband needed my organizational support as well as the standard emotional. Offer (but don't push) to help your spouse gather info, remind them of lawyer appointments/court dates, help them keep a journal or calendar, organize a binder for them with all pertinent info that the lawyer requests. Any help you think they may need, offer.

6 4

I think the best thing one can do when a partner is going through this situation is to just be there for them and support them in anyway you can, but make sure you don't over crowd them for there is a lot of stress and emotional tension that will be floating around and well no one wants to get snapped at over something that they didn't do or have any control over...Just stand by your man/wife or girlfriend/boyfriend's side and support them ask them "what do you need me to do for you baby?" simple things like that.. would help a great deal I'm sure...

2 33

When I got with my fiance, he was able to see his little girl once a week. Then, her mother started telling him he was not allowed to see her until they went to court. Right after she told him that I found out I was pregnant, it made him happier than I have ever seen him. But, now he is always sad and upset because he misses his daughter. He has not gotten to see her for almost a year. Everyday he says he can not wait to get the money for a lawyer and I support every choice he makes. He loves our son but he really wants to see his daughter and if I have anything to do about it he will get joint custody so that he can see her all the time.

10 1

by talking to them and figureing out what will be best for the Children.

4 29

Just let your partner know that you are always there for them and that you will support them in any way that you can. Oftentimes, just listening to them vent or being there so they can run things by you is all they need, along with lots of hugs and reassurance;)

8 0

I supported my DH through his custody battle..... it lasted for months and was incredibly hostile and unpleasant. We got married right in the middle of it (secretly) and the way we got through it was to get a kick-ass attorney (!), and just devote ourselves to each other and the children throughout the process, to try to lessen the stress, and protect the kids. He ended up coming to an out of court agreement, after I encouraged him to approach her with the lure of additional financial support. We decided the (temporary) sacrifice was worth it, so the kids could also be raised by their daddy.

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