How does a 21 year old mom maintain a social life?

It won't be a normal 21 year old's social life, but how does a young mom still maintain a somewhat normal social life and still be able to stay close to her friends?

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20  Answers

0 12

I was 21 when I got a child. With the help of my family i was able to cope and adjust from being single to a wonderful mom. Having a child was never a hindrance to continue my social life. Moms should learn how to budget their time for her child, hubby and for herself. We should choose friends that can help, give advice and understands motherhood. It would be great to ask hubby to accompany us every time we go out unless it's a girl's nigh out. How about asking your sister to join you or go out with your sister and her friends. Remember that your child is your top priority and always check on your budget. Make it sure that you reserve Sunday as family day, go to church, eat outside so you won't get bored and at the same time having a quality time with your family.

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0 4

What is a "normal" social life for a 21 year old adult. I'm thinking it is the same for a 31 year old adult or a 51 year adult. Why do children prevent you from having a social life unless you go out, get blitzed and hook up. Then you have made the choice to be unable to adequately care for the child/children you are responsible for. My social life at the age of 21 was hanging with my husband, who is my best friend, and hanging with like-minded friends who were able to function fully the next day after an evening out without the babies.

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3 20

Well I am 21 as this present moment and my daughter is five years Old and to be quite Honest I don't really have a social Life... I do go out SOMETIMES.. but when I do.. its after shes tucked in in bed.. that is my only way out to get my mom to baby sit.. lol.. But even when I go out I miss her so much im anxious to get back home to her.. I don't miss having a life like the rest of my friends because i'd rather be with her...... IF I do go out on date or anything its after she in bed... she goes to bed around 8.. but whenrever I do go out during the day I link up with people who have kids.. so the kids can play while we relax!

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0 3

everyone deserves a little "me" time. it's ridiculous to say otherwise. not only is it good for you, it's good for your kid(s) as well. so don't let anyone guilt you into believing you don't deserve a night out every once in while. just as long as your child remains your #1 priority. I would say hangout with people in your same situation, but sometimes that's just not possible and that's okay, too. just remember, a good friend will always understand why you have to be home at a reasonable time, leave immediately if necessary, and call home frequently.

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0 11

I was 21 when I had my 1st child. I worked where my friends hung out. That way I was getting paid to hang out with them and not feel so left.out!

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1 32

I'm a 25 year old mother of two! Your social life most definatly changes, but you find out who your true friends are, and make many new ones aswell. Always make sure your kids come first, but try to set aside a few hours a week for yourself aswell!

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1 7

You don't, and by the way, it's not about you anymore.

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2 0

wow thats a bit harsh every person is an individual and needs time to do the things they enjoy it doesn't mean they are any less of a parent or love their child any less and funnily enough my social life does revolve around my child and he gets valuable socialisation whilst i do as well. having a child is growing experience and its ok to want that adult contact and socialisation on occasions doesn't mean she doesn't realise her life revolves around her child.

2 0

i no how you feel, i had a few very close friends before i got pregnant and had my one year old , and i never expected it to change my friendship with everyone of my friends but i did my closest friend and i no longer speak because she could not understand why i didnt like her coming around to my house and complaining about all of her intimate BF issues but on the other had its made me realise my life is different and as life changes so do your friends and the activities you enjoy i now have friends who do and dont have baby and with the ones that do have bubs of their own i organise play dates and coffee catch ups where i no our kids will be socializing and with the ones that dont i always make an effort to do things with them without my son but i do also expect that they understand that alot of the time its just not possible for me to leave him :) BTW im 20

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12 0

I think it's accepting that your idea of a social life will change. I had my daughter at 21 and now, two years later, the people I was friends with before I'm not really now. The "novelty" of your baby wears off for them and they want to live the same life but can't understand d why yours is different. It's all part of growing. Doesn't mean you won't miss it, go crazy, want to scream, or just be "normal " sometimes. It's just about balance and adjusting

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2 0

I'm a 21 year old single mom in college full time and I don't really have a social life. And if I do it's with other young moms and we just go somewhere with our kids. My sons 9 months old and I've only been out 3 times for something social since he was born. Everyone's different, but at the end of the day I'd rather have spent my time with my son instead of friends or a boyfriend.

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3 21

i always invited my friends to my housse to play cards,drink,watch movies and dinner when my baby fell asleep my kids were there but we was still able to have fun or get a babysitter once a week and go out,,if your freinds are true friends they will stay close with you regaurdless if you can party all the time or not and will be understanding to you having a child who needs you alot more then they do!

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0 38

I am 21 I had my son when I was 20. I know the feeling. My son is my main priority he's with me all the time. My friends don't understand what's it's like to be on your own and have a family. I don't drink and hang out till early hours of the morning, I no that my son needs his mom. I can't give you advice because I'm in the same boat but don't let the people on here being hateful make you feel bad or like a failure! We are young mothers and are doing great raiseing our children!!

0
1 3

Tray to find some social clubs for moms your age. Then you have something in common and you can be social.

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5 9

I personally support a couple of younger mums myself. I would suggest befriending some older mothers (who are less keen to kick their heels up) and that way maybe the first Friday or Saturday night of every month you child/ren could go stay with her and you get to go out and sleep in in the morning as well. Additionally you could start some of your own 'groups' at your own place and invite your friends around monthly or fortnightly for bible study, scrapbooking, or just a regular catch up. There is also a GREAT monthly group called Girltalk which is a worldwide movement focussed on developing our relationships with our girlfriends (http://www.girltalk.co.nz/ sorry don't know the worldwide web address) .... but basically you watch a short video (and if you can get hold of book, read a couple of pages form a book) and then chat about it with your girlfriends. Its awesome.

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5 9

Here's an example of the monthly video you watch and discuss http://www.youtube.com/user/GirltalkNZ?blend=21&ob=5

0 0

Find girls who are in the same spot in life as you are. There are many great mommy groups out there. This way you're with people who can encourage you, rather than people who wish you were something you're not, and being tempted ourselves thinking life might be greener on thier side. Having little ones is a hard job, but such a rewarding job, make it easier by hanging out with people who support you rather than think it's an incovienance. All through life we have different friends that fit different periods in our life. It's actually really rewarding to make new friends at each stage in life, when we're old we'll be rich with friends. :)

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4 8

I am 21 and I have a 3 year old daughter and a husband and I'm going into my senior year of nursing. I have two close friends who I see and talk to all the time. One i have known since kindergarten and she supported me through my pregnancy and I see her as often as our busy life's will allow. The other I met in college and I see her almost everyday of the semester. Neither of these girls have children and there are many things they do that I do not because well I have responsiblities, not only the need to function the next day but also the financial obligation that comes with having a family. I do not miss wasting money on partieing and do go out evEry. Once in a while, and I fel that is all I really need.

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0 5

Well I'm not 21 but at times I do miss catching up having a late night coffee with my friends. Always wishing I could have some me time. But each time when I'm out i miss my kids. Now I hold dinner parties so I can still see my kids and have my friends at the same time. :)

0 17

You give up things when you have children...when the time is right you will get a social life...focus on raising your child...my mom did not watch my daughter that often...she was basicall my responsibility...and im glad she did that because I chose having a social life with kid...we did everything together and I enjoyed it....just my opinion....

4 8

Tifnie, I am by no means saying I go out all the time. More times than not if I meet up with friends it is during the day and I have my daughter with me. There are times every now and then when my husband and I go out on a date night and have either his or my parents watch our daughter. During the semester I obviously cannot bring her with me everywhere but summers everywhere I go so does she and I wouldn't have it any other way. I could never be that person (even at 17 well 18 when I had my child) to sit back and let my mother or anyone else raise my child.

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11 17

Well I was 17 when i had my first and you def. miss out on a lot, but your true friends will be there and work around you. I lost a bunch of friends, but my true close friends I see them all the time! one of those things it just kinda works its self out.

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0 0

I am 23 and have a 6 month old. I definately found that some of my old "friends" are no longer close as I once thought they were. Mostly because I have changed as a person and they are mre worried about going out. I do try and go out once month with my husband but often I find that I want to hang out at the house and have people over. Its more comfortable and not about just drinking and partying. I have a ongoing date with one of my girlfriends that lives near me and we have a girls night about evry 2 weeks (if not every week).

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1 3

Why not just have parties at your house it's easy you can get as drunk as you want you know your baby will be safe in your already baby proofed home and you can put her to bed at her normal bed time. I'm mean if all your looking for is balance between the two there's Bo better solution host the party and still be the mommy. Have fun have some drinks and still put the kid in bed win win. As far as the hang over goes drink plent of water the night before and take two Ty before you fall asleep or pass out ;) hope it helps

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0 0

A 21 year old should be in school instead having babies!

-5
2 0

I'm twenty and i'm doing both, walk in my shoes and then judge!

0 9

I agree with Nikki! Don't judge people unless you have been through the exact same thing as them! I'm 22, have a 2 1/2 year old, am done school, have an amazing job and am getting married in a month. Children don't stop your dreams, you control them!

1 3

That was a totally rude comment. You do not know the situation. This board is for support not put downs.

4 8

I agree with the three previous comments. I am 21 and have a 3 1/2 year old little girl. I am also entering my senior year of nursing. I was an honor student in high school (including my senior year during which I was pregnant) I graduated on time after having a baby in April. Then I entered into a 4 year BSN program and like I said am about to start my fourth year. I drive an hour an a half one way to school and clinicals and I work my butt off to better the future of my family. Not only that but I am married and have been since I was 17. You don't know everyone's situation nor can you state that a young mom is not a good mom. When it comes to motherhood age doesn't make a difference, I know a 26 year old with a 4 year old and she is the worst mother I can think of. But I have also met older women who are not fit mothers either. Oh and here is a bit of medical fact, early twenties is when a woman's prime conception time because the eggs are at there best. Stope being ignorant and realize that a 21 year old woman can hold a job, husband, child, and school and be successful at all things.

2 6

Yeah I also agree with the other mother's. That was very rude!! Do you have kids? I'm a 28 year old mother of 3. I had my first child at 19 and guess what they didn't make my life worst they make my life worth living, they make me strive to be a better person and always do my best. So for you to make a totally "STUPID" & "RUDE" comment like that tells a lot about your character. Young Mother's keep your heads up it only gets better with time.

0 0

Yes... You are right... I will NEVER be able to walk in your shoes because I made sure I didn't get knocked up before I was married or done with school... So my bad.

2 6

Yeah another stupid comment from someone who can't relate to the topic that us Mother's are discussing. Why are you even commenting on this topic if you don't have any kids. By the way every young mother didn't get pregnant by accident at 19 my baby was planed with my husband of 10 1/2 years. Great life n 3 Great Kids :-)!!!!! Be Blessed.

7 34

That's mean. You should be ashamed of yourself. Just because someone is not living to your "ideal" specifications does not give you the right to make those kinds of comments. My mom was 30 when she had me. Does that make her better than me? Because I was 18 when I had my daughter. I was also a junior in college. And about to be married. The sad part is, accidents do happen, and both I and my daughter were not planned. It does not mean we are any less loved for it, and as they say, crap happens. You learn from it, and you move on. There is no need to try and put down anyone here, because we're ALL doing our best with the hand we got dealt. Some of us planned our children, most of us didn't. But, you have no idea what kind of situation this person was in, so you have no right to judge her, or tell her what she should be doing. The only person she'll ever have to answer to is God, or whoever she believes in, and you know what? So will you.

0 0

See... This is what I'm talking about... I said I make sure NOT to have kids until I'm married and done with school, therefore I had them afterwards... Gees...

4 8

Yes that is what you said and well good for you... But honestly you should not have posted in this discussion in the first place because the question was asking how to be 21 have a child and some kind of a social life, which obviously you do not agree with because you are an ignorant person. A 21 year old woman can be many things for instance I am a mother, nursing student who is graduating with a BSN this May, wife, karate instructor and I excel at all aspects of my life. People tell me that all the time and they can't figure out how I do it. You should keep comments like that to yourself especially on a site that is supposed to be about support and really if you went to school I would expect you to be smart enough to gather that there would be many women (young and old) who had children by the age of 21. Just because you didn't does not make you better than anyone else here. Putting down what is different than you does not get you far in life, having an open mind and learning about what you don't understand and accepting and supporting people whether you agree with them or not is what leads you to success.

0 0

Speaking of judgmental.... All I said was that I believe a 21 year old shouldn't have kids. Plain and simple. That just my personal opinion. Meanwhile all of you jump to the conclusion that I'm saying I'm superior to the rest of you, or I'm mean, or I'm being condescending.  When did I ever say anything like that? Perhaps some of you should get off your soap box and be open-minded to opinions that differ from your own.

4 8

Or perhaps you should keep offensive opinions to yourself especially when you know that the question was directed at the group of people your opinion contradicts. It's not like you didn't know that your statement would offend all of the young mothers who are responding to this question. It's one thing to be accepting of others opinions, it's another to attack an individuals lifestyle and choices, and to assume that having child young will restrict ones future. And by the way the "judgments" that you listed were more like educated conclusions based on your original steriotypical judgment that you passed by saying that a 21 year old should be in school and not having children inferring that it is not possible to do both. Some of us are mature and strong enough to do both. Maybe you are the one who needs to be more open to others opinions and to their situations.

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