How far can I go to discipline my child?

How can parents know when a discipline technique is just too harsh for a child? What types of punishment do you think are appropriate and what types aren't?

40  Answers

17 21

Disipline all depends on the child and the age. Any one who was abused as a child knows the difference between a beating and a spanking A little tap on the bum never hurt any child.

I always used counting before a bum tap.....age appropiate of course, younger, count to 5, older to 3. They knew what was coming and if they pushed it, they got it.

There is a big difference between a child doing wrong, who doesn't know better, and one who should know better, and does it anyway.

Kids test bounderies, test rules......as a parent it is your responsibility to enforce those rules, If it isn't done in their youth, when then? . My kids talk to me, sometimes share more detail than I want to know, ask for my advice. They know that I am there for them. In the end, isnt that what is important?

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I certainly agree with you. though my baby is very young ( 3 m.o.). But that what our mom used 2 do when we were kids. LOL, she used to frighten us by taking a rolling-pin as if she was going to beat us.. but she never did so. and the efficiency was 100%.we really avoided doing things the consequence of which was a rolling-pin in front of our eyes. So, I think, when the baby is at the age of 4-5 and < mother should really teach him/her whats right and what's wrong. And beating- is the last tool for that..

4 4

Azthar, beating is the wrong use of a word. Disciplining a child through the use of spanking is not beating.

4 0

Azhar, you can probably start teaching your child right from wrong at 13 mos-15 mos old. Depending on the child.

3 13

"Anyone who was abused as a child knows the difference between a beating and a spanking." I'd disagree with that. If you were abused as a child, you're much more likely (note, I said "likely", not "guaranteed") to abuse your own children and perpetuate the cycle of abuse.

0 0

if you teach her/he now they want have to learn later that is what i did with my kids ik this is old anyway but they 2 now right........

0 0

"Anyone who was abused as a child knows the difference between a beating and a spanking." I COMPLETELY agree with that. My father was abusive (he would beat) my mother was loving (she would spank). I have NEVER confused the two. I also disagree strongly with Dr. Phil pop psycho-babble that claims that parents who were abused are more likely to do the same. I have never found a single case where it was true; only cases where killers who want to get out of prison claim their parents beat them :-( My abusive dad was spoiled rotten by his mom.

175 0

it;s abuse to hit a child,retard

140 0

I have a plan to start to spank my daughters every evening. Would somebody give me some help? Any advise or suggestion will be wellcome. bg.tanja011@gmail.com

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0 0

I have raised 10 children and if nothing else have learned that each child is different and responds to discipline differently. Some are just crushed when you even frown at them, but others take that swat on the backside to get their attention. I ALWAYS took immediate action, no matter how small the offense. Even if I had to get up from a chair I had just sat down on (with a sigh of relief,) I would immediately get up to act appropriately to whatever the child was doing wrong. A three year old who wasn't picking up his blocks after being asked once was overseen by a mother standing right over him, with a frown, then a swat. I never asked more than once because I needed instant obedience for those moments that might come in traffic or other dangerous environments. "Do as I say!" was the clue that something would happen if you didn't IMMEDIATELY DO AS I SAY!
Older children had privileges revoked. Once I threatened to cut up a teenager's license, and the same teenager had the radio controls ducktaped on the family car after he caused a near accident reaching for his favorite station. I enjoyed finding ways to "fit the punishment to the crime" as they got too old for swats.
But I always remembered Dr. Dobson ( a Christian psychologist) and his rule that you never punish for childish irresponsiblity, like leaving the bike out in the rain, or tromping in mud through the house. Even not sharing is a mark of immaturity, not defiance. But Dr. Dobson said once you have defiance, you have to act immediately.
The other thing is to train children to meet your own standards, not others. I had a friend who had very sensitive ears, and spent a lot of time and effort eliminating "whining" from the tones of her 7 children. I didn't even hear whether whining was happening or not, but eye rolling and shrugging got my goat. So all eye rollers and shruggers in MY family (ie teenage girls, of which I had 7) had to repeat the motion, right to left, left to right, or shrugging up and down, several times before they could leave the room. Hysterical to watch and usually not repeated.
I also trained children to change empty toilet rolls, hang up towels, put tops on toothpaste etc by calling them all into the small bathroom and doing a perky "demonstration", ie "now, first you grab the empty toilet roll firmly in one hand, releasing the spring bar, at JUST the right moment, and the empty roll drops right in to your hand!!! BUT the job is only half done!!!! After carefully placing the empty roll into the trash, you grab the FULL toilet roll....AND now we turn to the dextrous motion necessary for capping the toothpaste.....AND to conclude, we will practice the bending=from=the-waist and SIMULTANEOUS pinching motion necessary to retrieve those pesky wet towels from the floor..." With luck, I could keep a crowd of them in there, for at least 5 minutes of valuable play time.
In the future all I need say would be a smiling "Is it time for another demonstration....?"
Mothering I found was a lot of fun, once the ground rules were established, and if questioned, reinforced. I have often wanted to write a book, as my youngest is now through with college and the title will be "DO YOU KNOW YOU ARE IN CHARGE". I watch these seemingly helpless mothers struggle with their misbehaving youngsters in the store...For those situations I created a "training session". Unbeknownst to the child who is acting up repeatedly I created an artificial trip, with a warning outside that as soon as there was misbehavior (I would state what that was) we would go home. And we did! Right in the middle of the store, or the line we would leave the cart and head right out!
That's another training technique for when they acted up when I was on the phone. I have a fake conversation, or one with an understanding friend and at the first sign of misbehavior, I'm off the phone and applying whatever was the designated punishment.
Rowdy kids in the car, means I pull over and take out a nice book I've happened to bring a long for the "training session" which I read, until things calm down and we are just late enough for wherever we are going...Sounds fun! when you are in charge...

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Great points Susan! I believe in spanking, as a last resort when all others fail to work but never to be done in frustration or anger. Sometimes it's tone of voice that works just perfect. Other times it'll be a little swat if they aren't listening but that is rare. As a parent you have to make sure your child knows you are in charge and not the other way around.

0 0

Susan, good job, sounds like you had it all under control...You were very much in charge and not much spanking necessary! I do also believe in what I call the "second step" you use it you put it back, cap on toothpaste etc. I'm still working on this with hubby.... :-) Moms, keep up the good work! I was very young when I had my first 3 but loved them so much... years later after a bad marriage, I remarried and had 2 more, all had the benefit of my maturity and happiness... lots of hugs and love and yes, discipline! Grandma Mary

14 26

Amazing advice! I really enjoyed reading this and so agree with immediate obedience! Thanks for posting> btw..I love Dr. Dobson!

3 0

Wow Susan I am going to try this in my home. I have a set of twins who are almost three and I can already see that they are going to be as headstrong as their mom. So I'm going to need a whole lot of patience and a lot of gym so I stay fit if I have to get up everytime to ensure tasks are done as requested....they have mastered the word NO. So I hope your advice will help.

30 22

Susan, I would love to read your book! I bet it would be a top seller! I have two boys (2yr. and 4yr.) they are a hoot! I could really use some wisdom with this at times! Thank you for making my life seem so much easier! :D I however have managed to keep in mind that I'm the one in charge and that always helps! Let me know when you book comes out and I'd be glad to buy it! :D

9 23

Love the eye rolling/shrugging workout, will share this with a friend in need, ie. has 14 yo girl!

2 0

Any Technic's you recommend for a 18 month old, to start of right? I have 3 kids, 18m. 5 and 6 years old. ANd currently I am trying to teach them to listen the first time I say something, any advise would be appreciated:-)

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My child had severe sleeping issues and screamed often as an infant, but I held her close and never let her cry it out. My daughter had behavioral issues when she turned 2, but I never hit her. Eventually we found out she has autism, a neurological disorder that explains all of her behaviors from the day she was born. I thank God every day I chose the path of love and acceptance, rather than the easy way out (hitting, leaving her to cry). With support of good behavioral therapists and developmental physician, things are getting better every day. Don't hit, it is not necessary-there are other proven methods widely published that can deal with any behavior.

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This makes me so happy to hear how you work with your child. I will reiterate just what you said: "Don't hit, it is not necessary --there are other proven methods widely published that can deal with any behavior.

4 4

Your case is vastly different from average everyday children. I think you had more of an inner sense that she had some sort of developmental issues. But you know what, you'll do fine with her and you can teach her discipline in your own way when she may need it.

11 15

I am glad your preferred method this time worked but believe me when i say there will plenty of parents who have tried youir way and been unsuccesful,it is each to their own,having worked in a childcare setting and now a mother of a boisterous,mischieveous 4 year old boy I can see both sides of the coin ,I am dead against any child abuse but believe a tap on the hand or bottom gives the child a sharp ,short shock and therefore a reminder of what can happen when they misbehave, I have tried everything ,and i mean everything the only thing that is working (at the minute is time out on the stairs) but children are funny little people ,what works one day may not work another,it is trial and error.

32 26

Good job mom! I have a kiddo with the same issues and had a very similar experience. It takes lots of creativity and patience to mother these kids. Hitting them almost always leads to disasters.

42 0

Thanks for your comment Tammy. I don't believe in hitting either unfortunately with 6 children it has happened a couple of times. But most importantly we need to treat children with respect and understanding as you have.

0 0

I think yours is a case that James Dobson would describe as "normal immaturity" (esp. had it been absent the autism, in a typical baby). You should NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER hit baby! No matter what! But as he says: a baby screaming in the night is clearly NOT a deliberate act of defiance, and so: should never justify a spanking. In your case, you picked up that your child's behavior was unusual, and that she was not engaging in any deliberate acts of defiance. Even if she had been, and you had run through different methods to discover none of them had worked, that would have clued you in that she is not defying you deliberately, which is why spanking, even just a light tap on the bum-bum, should always be reserved as a last resort, and carried out by parents who *know* their child.

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132 34

There's one easy rule of thumb. If someone bigger and more powerful than you did the same to YOU, would it change your behaviour? In the long term, the only disciplinary measures that change behaviour are the ones that continue to show respect for your child.

So imagine someone bigger than you belting the hell out of you because you broke your diet. Would it fix it? Of course not. You'd just feel angry and abused. Violence doesn't change behaviour- it only relieves our feelings if we inflict it out of frustration.

On the other hand, if someone bigger than you sat you down and said 'I understand that you're feeling bad inside and eating all the chocolate makes those feelings go away for a while. But it's not fair to eat everyone else's share and you've upset them all- look at their faces, they're sad. What are some other ways we can help you to feel better when those feelings take over? Oh, and it'd be really nice if you could say sorry and go buy some more chocolate to share... that might help those sad faces over there get happy again.'

Would that change your behaviour? It certainly wouldn't put your back up and make you more bolshie than ever. You'd probably feel that someone was trying to help you be a better person, you'd probably be more inclined to take ownership of what you'd done because someone was trying to understand WHY you did it and give you a better plan.

That's what to aim for. Loving your child means supporting them emotionally when they get it wrong, explaining the effect of their behaviour on others and guiding them to better habits, not imposing some rising scale of penalties. Punitive measures don't change behaviour (unless the person who did the wrong thing has been part of deciding what's going to happen to them if they muck up and sees the penalty as fair)- you only have to look at the rising numbers of people in jail.

Put yourself in your child's shoes. Children are people too. They're still learning what's okay and what's not, and they're dealing with feelings that are sometimes too big for them to handle. They need help, not a clip around the ear.

Here are some reference sites for you:

http://www.ahaparenting.com/parenting-tools/positive-discipline/handling-anger

http://www.janetlansbury.com/2010/04/no-bad-kids-toddler-discipline-without-shame-9-guidelines/

http://teachertomsblog.blogspot.com/2011/06/rules-2010-11.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+TeacherTom+%28Teacher+Tom%29

https://www.facebook.com/notes/parenting-coach-alison-astair/teaching-your-child-good-judgment/200403096672602

And some more ideas from my own blog...

http://auntannieschildcare.blogspot.com/2011/08/no-danger-money-dealing-with-violent.html

http://auntannieschildcare.blogspot.com/2011/01/respectful-parenting-how-to-say-no.html

I hope this helps you to work out your own ways of dealing with your children when they muck up. It's not easy! Far from it! But in the long term, you want your child to feel that you're on his side. You need to still be talking to each other when she's 16... don't you?

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What will you do if by coddling the child by talking all the time, that child just laughs in your face like it's all one big joke? How is that teaching them right from wrong and how not to behave in life? Children understand perfectly well but sometimes they need that extra swat on the behind to get the point across that the way they are acting is completely wrong. All amount of talking and coddling the child is not going to teach that child to behave. It's sending the wrong message and okaying the child to be able to do what they want and they will know that they can get away with it. After all, all you're going to do is talk talk talk and the child can get back to being a brat. And rewarding a child at every little thing they do right is spoiling the child. Not a good way to teach a kid responsibility or how to behave in the real world. Spare the rod, spoil the child.

4 4

You're lucky your kids behave well, but that can easily change if they become wise to those simple tricks. Sorry but I disagree with parents coddling their children. A parent is the authority figure that a child should respect and a parent will get that respect, not just from the swat on the butt (which is a last resort) but also from explaining to the child why they are being punished and why it will happen again if the child doesn't heed the rules. Too many times I have seen kids go undisciplined and parents sit by, telling that kid no a million times with no reinforcement of the rules. Those kids turned out to be spoiled brats that pretty much got away with murder. you talk of abuse, User, but spanking is not abuse when it is done out of love for that child. This is not mistreating a child. It's called discipline and every child needs that in their lives to realize right from wrong and grow into better adults, not spoiled brats that throw tantrums well into adulthood for not getting their way.

0 0

Jennifer, I am not sure of your background or of your experience with kids, but I am not unexperienced. I have worked with kids for many years, have a masters in education and three children the oldest is 15 the youngest 4. My children are thinkers in terms of the questions they ask about the world. My 15 year-old does not by any means act out, he doesn't drink, he gets straight A's and he is respectful. I am using him as an example because the outcome is different than you prescribed, I do have consequences (always) I don't coddle, but I NEVER hit, I also try to not yell (the moment you yell, you've lost them, they have turned off, classroom trick). Discipline has nothing to do with violence, removing a tv privilege for a week DOES work. How does spanking communicate what is right.. it seems to me that one is taught by example and through being a good person in the world. As a family my kids and I try and do things to surprise the lady across the street who is older and lives alone... We have also anonymously dropped off Christmas for other families they bought the toys for the other kiddos. We make each other gifts, they get gifts from stores too. We are not believers in god, we are very ethical/moral family. Tantrums go away around two/three if dealt with in a proper manner and you cannot spank a tantrum out of a child? Most tantrums are a result in a desire to communicated (developmentally speaking) but lacking the tools to do so. I suppose a good question is what makes you gain another respect? I doubt you would site if your husband hit you that it added to your respect for him? I am curious of clear examples in which you might spank a child? On a side-note Psychoanalysis/Freud is not in the same field of study. It is also not considered current research.

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I am not 'lucky' my children behave, rather it is the result of lots of hard work and consistency. But, I am lucky to have the opportunity to be a mom to three great guys.

4 4

Doesn't matter what my background or experience is and I have plenty with all sorts of children of varying ages and personalities, so I do know what I am talking about. Having a degree in child psychology or a masters in education does not make anyone an expert. It takes much more "field" work that that and just dealing with two kids or a few classrooms packed with children you really can't have a one on one with anyway. No one is talking about yelling or beating kids in here. We're talking about discipline and spanking goes hand in hand with that. I said it should be used as a last resort when a kid just isn't listening and an explanation given as to why they are receiving this punishment. What isn't clear about that? Who is talking about beating on their kid when they do something bad? I'm talking about a simple spank on the butt to get the point across, not beating a kid to leave them black and blue. I don't care what great things you do with your kids. All you're doing is trying to prove how "well adjusted" they are as if they're perfect. No child is perfect. A child will respect their parent when that parent shows respect by example but you cannot allow a child to walk all over you by coddling them at every turn as you suggest. The second you let them do that is the moment that kid loses respect for you and no amount of disciplining is going to turn them back on the right path unless you make that hard choice. Time outs and taking toys/games away are not always going to work and kids are very smart. They will figure out ways to rebel against you and have their fun even without their favorite toys/games, even in time out. I've dealt with kids sitting in time out, having a grand old time playing around and not at all concerned with the bad they just committed to care that they are being "disciplined". I've been lucky with most kids that I haven't had to spank often but the second there is no other alternative here comes the paddle. A simple little explanation of why they are being spanked and what they did was wrong, guess what? They don't do the bad thing ever again because they've learned. Tell me, what would you do to discipline a murderer? Let them walk scott free with just a shake of your head? Or should they receive the proper punishment to fit the crime, be it prison time or the death penalty depending on the state? What would you do Carrie M? Disciplining a child is not that extreme but the same principles apply. You can't let a child get away with being bad or throwing a tantrum to get their way. Who's talking about Freud? We're talking about real parenting, or the lack there of.

0 0

You cited psychoanalysis, that is Freud. Psychoanalysis has nothing to do with the discourse on discipline or child development?? A paddle are you serious? Effective discipline has nothing to do with 'spanking'??? Suggesting a different model is relevant.. I always explain appropriate behaviors.. I am curious what is coddling to you? You use the term often? As a whole I am discouraged at your post, they display what you haven't looked into? Children follow a series of stages and modification should be relevant to their development, understanding where a behavior stems from is vital, otherwise you are shooting in the dark? Training children to fear you is NOT respect. My children listen to me because they know I am the boss, I am fair and I always follow through with my word. Piaget one of the leaders in the field of child development (his research corresponds closely to what neuroscience tells us about brain development) wrote based on watching his own children's' development. Just curious, have you removed the tv or taken away the cell phone? It works. A week without a tv is felt...

4 4

Honey it's all the same. Therapy, psychoanalysis, anything related to the entire mental issue. Too many people in that field know nothing about how to deal with children because they have nothing real to go on. All the books in the world will not teach you how to raise your child. That is for you to learn on your own on a daily basis because there is no handbook for parenting. Yes I did say a paddle. You don't ever want to spank your child with your bare hand. That way they don't associate your hands in any bad way. Let them hate the object instead and no spanking does not breed hate. I already know you are going to imply that. How many times have I stated here that you are the parent and you are the one in control. If a parent needs to spank their child as a form of discipline, who are you to say they shouldn't be allowed to do so? You deal with your kids in your own way and let them deal with theirs in their own way. I believe in spanking as a last resort, as I've stated so many times already but you seem to be overlooking that point entirely and keep focusing on how "perfect" your parenting is because you say you have angels for children. I'll tell you this much, the day your kids stop acting like little angels because you only talked to them, don't be surprised when they stop listening to you. You can't just talk and talk and talk and expect a child not to eventually stop listening. You can explain all you want to a child also but that isn't 100% effective without some sort of authoritative force behind it, which can be spanking if need be. People don't seem to understand that children will test you at every turn and some will do it worse than others, which is the reason spanking may need to be used. This is not abuse when done correctly but all you are seeing is blood. After a while, removing the child's favorite things won't work as effectively. Especially if that child is particularly rebellious. You need to go to harsher measures to ensure they listen to you when these things stop working like they used too. Hence the spanking. I've seen too many parents, my sister and sis in law included just do these things and then all they do is sit there talking to their kids, nicey nice and nothing is accomplished. All the kids do is talk back and ignore them because they know they can get away with it. Sending them to their rooms is also not as effective anymore because short of removing everything in there that the kids can play with, they'll find a way to defy their mothers and have a grand time. What part of this are you not understanding that playing devil's advocate all the time with your kids is going to stop working. That isn't discipline. That's assuming that children are mini-adults which they are most certainly not. Kids don't want to see reason because they want to play and do what they want to have fun. They don't know responsibilities or respect if you don't teach them young, which means not always being the nice parent or the BFF. Kids don't need you to be their friend. They need you to be their parent. No amount of me explaining to you real parenting issues is going to change your mind and I really don't care to at this point. What folks need to understand is that spanking is not abuse when done correctly and without anger. And folks also need to stay the hell out of other parents business when it comes to disciplining their children. You see someone spanking their kid in public, stay out of it. The kid's going to cry but that in no way means they are being abused. Quit with the CPS crap. That should only be used in legitimate abuse issues, not normal everyday parenting.

0 0

If you believe there is nothing to be learned from an understanding in child development and that it is not relevant to raising children, then I am flabbergasted??? To believe you will just wake up automatically understanding? I have an idea lets just throw out the books and ignore the experiences of others and call the doctors frauds..... Books are important and there are plenty of helpful guides and information on parenting from parents/experts... If I see someone spanking in public I call the POLICE.

32 26

I loved this answer - amazing! I am always concerned when I mention that I don't spank my kids and somebody comes back with, "but kids need discipline". Well yeah, of course, we all know that.

4 4

And you Carrie Maynes, need to butt out of other parents business when they are disciplining their children. How dare you presume to think that when they are spanking that it's abuse? You have no idea and need to mind your own children. Too many whackos like you are what the problem in society is and why so many good parents are being taken away from their children, leaving them in the foster care system (which is worse than a child deserves because much of the abuse comes from those kind of people). Oh yes, throw out the books. No child comes with an instruction booklet unless you've magically spewed one out when you had your kid. The understanding you need is the hands on experience from raising your own kids, not someone else's experience. Your kids are your kids and no one else knows how to raise them or discipline them. You are a CPS nutjob and someday some parent you are stopping from disciplining their child is going to have a few "words" for you the second you call the cops. Butt out of other peoples business and mind your own. I would not be surprised if one of your own kids turns against you and gives you hell for being such a nosy-body.

17 0

Carrie, I agree 100% with everything you've said. For the record, I used to be disiplined with a spank as a last resort (a slipper in my case, and incidently Jennifer Alonso, you're right, I didn't hate my mother's hand, just her). I think it's an absolutely useless method of disipline and it certainly contributed to the lack of respect that I feel for my mother now. Even as a pre-teen I remeber thinking that spanking was the last resort of the weak-minded.

0 0

The only thing that would tech me to listen and respect my parents was spanking, I love them, respect them, and thank them for spanking me. It kept me out of bad decisions and drugs because I hated being spanked. The first time I dared to talk back my mom put hot pepper in my mouth never ever again did I dare to raven think of doing that again. I love her so much and thank her for the way she disciplined me. But she doesn't discipline my 15 year sister like that, because the social worker said it's not useful and that should talk instead, my sister treats our mother terribly, comes home whenever she wants and skips school.

0 0

"There's one easy rule of thumb. If someone bigger and more powerful than you did the same to YOU, would it change your behavior?" I'm afraid it would. Unfortunately for me, this takes no stretch of the imagination bc my father beat us, and he got fearful, good as gold children as a result. We feared him, and we scurried to do anything he wanted us to. However, I agree with you that BULLYING and BEATING are wrong. It hurt our feelings greatly that he wanted this kind of poor relationship with us. I love my mom dearly, and "forgive" her for her spankings as well as respect her for them! Cheers. Oh btw, you should watch Courtney Love Behind the Music on VH1. She tells us that her mom's methods of mothering her were identical to what you are describing: sit the child on the couch and ask them about their feelings, and psycho-analyze them whenever they act up. As you can see with Courtney Love, this parenting style did wonders for her! The end result speaks for itself.

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14 26

Children NEED to be disciplined. Discipline is different at each age though. And all children react differently to each sort of discipline. I spank my children when necessary. They are well-behaved, happy children and do not suffer from any disorders. I never spank when I am angry at them. The see a controlled and calm reaction from me when I spank them. I do not hit them with belts, sandals etc . I have a small wooden spoon that I use and i take them somewhere private. Before I spank them I tell them why they are being spanked and afterwards they explain to me why they were spanked to make sure they understand why I spanked them. I use a spoon because I do not want my children to fear my hand or flinch if i move myhand to caress or hug them. And I do not spank them for everything as there are times other forms of discipline work better. Time-outs, removing them from a fun environment if they are misbehaving, taking away their toys, etc. I firmly am NOT a believer in counting. A child needs to learn IMMEDIATE response to a parent. When you count you are teaching your child delayed obedience. They learn that they do not need to obey or modify their behavior until mom reaches whatever number she is supposed to reach. If a car is coming and about to hit your child...or a rabid dog..do you want immediate obedience or delayed obedience?

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Jessica, I love your answer! I really learned some pointers from your response. Well said!.

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FYI-In the state of Nevada it is illegal to use anything other than your hand to spank a child. You may not use a wooden spoon, nor can you leave a mark of any kind from corpal punishment.

0 0

Children NEED to be disciplined but that does not mean they need to be hit. I was spanked as a child and I am a good person in spite of it, not because of it. I have three children, two in their twenties and one teenager and I did not have to hit my kids to gain their respect or get them to behave. There are consequences for actions and my children knew that. I pray now that my daughter is having her own baby that she will not hit her child. Children can be taught to behave without spankings. It takes more time and energy to disipline in other ways, but I believe it is work it. Hitting a child with a spoon is not disipline to me. There is no difference between a wooden sppon, a paddle, a tree switch, a belt, etc. It is showing your children that you are bigger and can hit them. This cycle will continue if it is not stopped.

4 4

@ Nikki Wiley, why are you assuming Jessica lives in Nevada? As a parent it is her right to discipline her children the way she needs to. No one and no governing body needs to be getting into her business. The "village" isn't raising her kids, nor is the "village" paying for her kids to eat or school clothes or anything that is coming out of her pocket. Spare the rod, spoil the child.

0 0

Spare the rod spoil the child is offensive... I am not a believer, the reference is antiquated and dated. Current data on successful discipline practices to desired behavior(s) makes no connection towards violence, it is consistent rules and consequences. There is no reason to strike another especially someone smaller than you. Child abuse is everyones business, it results in problems in adulthood that effect the whole population (drug and alcohol abuse, violent behavior).

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Current data on effective parenting is flawed. It's all from a bunch of psychoanalysts that have never had children a day in their lives. They're wrongly equating a simple little swat on the bottom as abuse because they know if they can get spanking outlawed they'll make more money from having to put undisciplined kids into therapy for being little monsters to their parents. I have seen so many children coddled by their parents, spoiled by their parents that they end up turning into little demons that get away with murder. My brother's soon to be ex-girlfriend's daughter is a prime example. He had a chinchilla. Cute as can be. Well little miss 4 year old spoiled princess had the chinchilla in her hands, cooing to it and quick as a flash she snapped the poor thing's neck. She knew what she was doing and didn't care in the slightest. Her mother, instead of disciplining her little daughter, apologized and let her little demon child go off scott free. And this is just one example of bad parenting where a child is coddled and spoiled.

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Jennifer, do you realize in this thread you advocated that a woman hit her children with a wooden spoon and then proceeded to call children the following terms: little monsters, spoiled, coddled by parents, spoiled princess, little demons. Do you think these things about the nature of kids? I find it offensive you keep referring to children in these terms. As an educator if I heard someone refer to their child with any of those terms, I would make a note and consider it verbally abusive (depending on the whole statement in which it was framed). I hope we are parents because we like children? You say nice things about your kids, but overall it is scary?? We can all get carried away here, just be careful what you are advocating it could be read a different way..

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Carrie, when a child acts like a little demon, the title fits. That doesn't mean not to love that child but you don't have to tolerate that kind of behaviour. This behaviour does not encompass all children, just those children that are coddled by parents who refuse to properly discipline their children by letting them run around and do what they want, public or otherwise. You need to learn how to read and not assume I mean all children. My kids get the proper discipline when it is needed and if they refuse to listen then they get a little spank on the butt. Doesn't mean I don't love them but it sure teaches them to stop that behaviour real quick. Who the heck is saying what's scary? You are making very little sense here. I know exactly what I am advocating. Better parenting. Not coddling children. Spanking as a last resort with an explanation of why it's being done and for other parents or people in general to mind their own business when it comes to someone else disciplining their child. If I choose to spank my child in public for her being bad, butt out and deal with your own kids because you have no business dealing with mine.

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I was spanked as a child, my husband was spanked as a child..actually mostly everyone I know around my age frame was spanked as a child. (I am 34) We are all law-abiding citizens, free of disorders, mature and happy. We didn't suffer any ill-effects because of our parents spanking us. Actually we learned to obey authority, respect others (especially our elders, respect people's property and so forth. We have come to a place in our society where children are over-medicated and under-disciplined. By discipline I do not mean just spanking. As I stated in my post, I just do not spank my children..I use other forms of discipline when necessary. My children are 6 & 7. They are happy children, well-behaved, in the Talented & Gifted Program, straight A honor students.I have received many compliments and praises even from strangers in the street about my children. Most importantly, my children love me..and they know I love them.

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Jessica it's sad but true, many parents lack disciplining skills, I strongly believe with so many folks no longer entering the higher education system child development should be a requirement for high school students... I would attach to the topic of discipline that many homes/parents lack important monitoring skills as to what a child is exposed to. Many parents don't monitor what television shows are being watched, video games being played... It is surprising.. I also get frustrated by the lack of books in homes..

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Stop blaming video games and TV for the bad choices people make, I watched horror films since before I was 5. Never once have I beaten any child or adult, nor have I ever committed a crime or gone on e murdering spree. Carrie, put the blame where it belongs, on the parents, not the video games or television.

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I am a Mother, Grandmama and a Great Grandma.. We raised 5 Children which are now very successful and lovable Adults. I let them know while growing up who was in charge... I told them that's why God made me first so I can teach them what to do. I would always discipline them right away when they misbehave.Sometimes it meant a spanking and sometimes it was a firm talking too .Children have to be taught right from wrong at an early age because their Parents may not be around them all the time. They can not have their way all the time nor can Adults. Misbehaving is misbehaving and there are consequences. I do think different behaviors ( good and bad) requires different disciplinary actions. Some things that my children did was just being a child and I was blessed to be able to recognize the difference. Cuddling and hugging at the right time teaches the chidren to be lovable childen and letting them know that they are loved which is very important while growing up, also. They must understand what is dangerous , healthy, and what is not tolerated, as well as respectful for other people. As a Mother I always wanted my children to show respect to others and to be respected in any situation. Parents have to figure out what works for them, whether it calls for one learned thing or a combination of learned things combined together. I am a firm believer that we can learn from others .. Just remember every individual is different so what worked for one person may not work for others. And when there is more than one child in the family, Parents have to sometimes use different ways of discipling. Some children can learn just from watching and listening and from their own mistakes. Others may need more help from their Parents. We must remember that Children are not minature adults, they are CHILDREN.

Carolyn J. Phillips.

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Spanking is a necessity as a last resort. Children should never be coddled and allowed to get away with bad behaviour. The more you let a child do this, the more that child learns to walk all over you and eventually you will have to deal with way more than the average rebellious teen. Time outs are not 100% effective and neither is just telling that child "no" all the time. A little swat on the bottom with a little paddle is perfectly fine to make your point, but you must also explain why they are being punished. Spanking should never begin when the child is an infant. I would say 3 years and up, maybe just a little earlier depending on the child.

I also believe that other people need to mind their own business when it comes to a parent disciplining their child. There are way too many nosey people that assume a little swat on the behind is child abuse. It's the opposite. It's more abusive to let your child run rampant to do whatever they want without being taught right from wrong.

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Jennifer, Thank you! you are so right! I'm not against other forms of disapline if they work for that child, but a spanking done propperly will not cause emotional harm to a child. Coddling and not teaching a child right from wrong very well may cause them a life time of disapointments if not worse. I don't want anyone to think that I'm for abusing a child their is a HUGE difference! If anyone thinks they are over doing it they should go on youtube and look up child abuse I promise that will make you want to hold your baby more and listen a little closer to their needs, but disapline is also a need.

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hi Jennifer I spank my son but sparingly.a good lecture can sometimes work for me but if I feel I have no choice then yes he goes over my thigh.

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This question in and of it's self disturbs me. I mean come on......If you really are questioning whether or not you are disciplining your child too harshly then seek help, go to the nearest hospital, church, police station and tell them you are unsure if you are disciplining your child too harshly. I am sure any of those places would be more than happy to help you. They can set you up in a parenting class to help you understand how to take care of a child. Please I beg of you, talk to someone other than the mothers here on line. Good luck and God bless you and your child.

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Since I work for a an agency, where parents may ask for help for their child and have been asked many times if they have not heard of blistering their child's butt good and hard. Watch for those answers and look elsewhere-- Looking for help in the wrong place is not a good idea. Look on-line. Do what we did, we took our grandchild to his own doctor for referral. It worked and was a blessing. He is a happy, well adjusted 7 year old now.

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If it's real abuse then yes that parent needs help before their child lands in the hospital. Anyone that is asking if they are disciplining their child too harshly is probably listening to way too many other people that haven't a clue about kids in general. Especially all the CPS whackos that love to butt in to other peoples business. If you are spanking your child and it isn't leaving any marks such as bruising or welts and you're not drawing blood, you are not abusing the child! Take in mind that their is also mental abuse that you have to worry about. At the end of the day, your kid will appreciate the discipline much more because it teaches them right from wrong and how not to behave like an entitled child who gets everything they want and is never punished for the wrongs they do. Be smart about where you discipline your child since so many nosy people love to get involved. take your kid out of the public eye and do what you need to because it's between you and your child, not you, your child and the world.

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You are advocating abusing children and hiding it. I hope CPS know where u live and I pray that someone is protecting your children now.

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Discipline is an essential component of raising children...and each child must be studied and dealt with in accordance to what works for that child. This is definitely a trial and error process. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES SHOULD CHILDREN BE ABUSED!!! What works for one child doesn't always work for another. I have four grandchildren and I'm an "old-school" grandmother, like my grandmother and the elders, whose care I was under, when I was a child. I can remember several whippings I got that definitely got the point across. Of course, at the time, I thought those who were my disciplinarians were the meanest people on the planet. But as an adult I am glad that they were stern and staid in their approach to dealing with me. Being clear about what is acceptable and what is not is an important lesson that children MUST understand, accept and adhere to. The world is a much harsher disciplinarian for children who grow up with a sense of "entitlement" and there is rarely any love attached to the treatment they will receive from people who couldn't care less about them. Parenting is tough, but life for our children is even tougher for children who we allow to do whatever they want to do. If they don't get it now...they will get it later and they definitely won't like it and neither will we!

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Yes but people need to learn the difference between spanking and abuse. They are not the same and too many good parents have had other people calling CPS on them for no reason and their children are taken away. No child deserves to be taken away from their parent for no reason and that will damage the child into not being able to trust any type of authority figure. Bad enough we have real nasty cops that abuse their power but to have them all lumped in as bad is just wrong and that's what the child will do in those situations. A good parent knows the difference between a little spank and what real abuse is. Those are the parents that are being chastised and hurt more often than the real culprits. So unless you know for a fact that a child is being abused by their parent, stay out of it. No child was ever hurt by a little spanking.

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I agree with both of you: both Deborah Cofer and Jennifer Alonso. I adopted the parenting style of my wonderful mother; a strict but loving parents who was both a a big softie cuddler but also a disciplinarian when the situations called for it. I refer anyone who thinks psycho therapy on the couch with a 3 yr old will improve their behavior to watch VH1 Behind the Music Courtney Love. I got a kick out of her describing her hippie mother's form of "discipline" and she laughs herself at how very ineffective it is. If you're a bully & a brute like my dad: THEN DO NOT HAVE KIDS. Child abuse does happen, but parents who beat their children actually rarely spank them at all. My father's blows landed all over the body. He never actually DID "spank" anyone. Not for real. Only beat.

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I have a teenager growing up in this "entitlement generation". I did not spank or yell much when she was younger. I tried to talk things out with her - BIG mistake. Now everything -she thinks- should be a negotiation with her. I have grounded her, taken away things, spanked, and talked to her numerous times about her attitude through the years. There is not a set-in-stone book on parenting and each child reacts/acts different. It is up to the parent to make the choice of how to punish- not DFS, DCS, the police, etc. (the parent). When I was growing up- everyone got spankings - we are just fine and have more respect then kids these days will ever have. Granted, my child says please, your welcome, excuse me, thank you, bless you, etc., but her geniune respect- not so much. I don't feel I have failed - I continue to correct and support/love her but what a battle we have with child and behavior these days. You should not leave bruises or marks, however, punish your child with what works for you/them- because that is why we have such terrible, disrespectful little ones these days... the fear of discipline!!! If this seems to harsh for some of you, bet your children are not teenagers yet :)

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I agree totally. I have 3 wonderful well adjusted adult children who got through their teenage years relatively easily. I have great open honest relationships with all three of them. I spanked them all, with a wooden spoon, but never had to spank them after about the age of 5. They had learnt by then that I meant what I said. I also have a 9 year old. Because society has changed I don't feel I am allowed to spank her so have been using all the other forms of discipline available - talking, time out, removal of priveliges etc. Although she can be a lovely happy little girl this isn't always the case by any means. She is a much unhappier child than the others were. She is constantly pushing boundaries and having tantrums. We have such battles too. This inhibits the growth of relationship between us. I'd go back and start like I did with the others if I had the chance.

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Do not give up on your teenager. It is not too late to instill some respect before she is on her own. It would certainly have been easier if she had been spanked as a child when she needed it, but my brother is going through the same thing now with his teenage son. Raised in the Dr. Phil & SuperNanny "Never spank! It's Abuse!" era. Too many kids were raised by the coddle/cuddle media and employers can't even hire them.

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I do not believe that spanking is required for discipline. Positive discipline works wonders for all ages of children. Yes I was spanked as a child, as were my children; however with my grandchildren, I discovered that spanking is not needed in raising children. It really does work and in a word it is "I love you but no." It requires immediate action for unacceptable behaviors and firmness with kind words. I have enjoyed using this technique with my grandchildren and for the older ones it now works to tell them to talk about their issue and to try to work it out without parental intervention. Most of the time it works without separating the children or timeouts to their own rooms. --I think in many cases a timeout is not even required but is acceptable. I found that going to the child and showing them what you want from them gets much more desirable results. Training and teaching takes much more time but well worth the efforts. I do understand that when a child is in the mist of a meltdown or temper tantrum a timeout is required for both the parent and the child.

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lol. It is *always* when a person is a grandparent that they "discover" this! Even Murray Straus (the leader of the "no spank" revolution with plenty of junk science to back it) DID spank his own children! Then "discovered" it wasn't necessary with the grand kids he would spoil and then hand back over to his own, very mature, very responsible *grown* children (who had been spanked!) Unless you have ever been asked, or volunteered, to RAISE these grandchildren completely to adulthood, I don't think your "discovery" is really relevant. I would tend to believe those who are with those kids every minute of raising them.

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I have 4 kids. They are 17, 15, 12 and 6 years old. With the first 2, I was a spanker and an enforcer of immediate obedience. With the second 2 I have mellowed and realized that sometimes a spanking is necessary but you can usually avoid it. I think that different types of discipline work according to each child's personality also. All 4 of my children are sweet, loving kids who adore each other and have a good relationship between themselves and me and their father. I have faith that they will become loving, compassionate adults.

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You need to find out what works best for your child. It all depends on age. Find something he / she likes & take that away for short periods, I was spanked as child. I used it on both of my kids too. They both have been raised in a very loving home. We are very affectionate. My children are 15 & 12. They are going to be great adults/ parents one day. I have FAITH!

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I was disciplined as a child and received spankings. I'm proud that my parents loved me enough to show me what was and was not acceptable. Many are against spanking, but in my home, we spank our children. I believe that today's society has went to far with the abuse issue. I love my children and they love us. We have our family time and enjoy spending quality time together. If they cross the line, they do know what to expect. My 4 children are grown now, our babies are 16, but we chose to spank them and talked to them about why they received the spanking. Our children are well-behaved and well-mannered young adults. I choose to be in control of my children, not my children in control of me or the situation. I believe that is the reason you hear so much violence and killing now is because of society and letting our kids do as they wish. The Bible says "Spare the rod, Spoil the child". I don't think that actually means "beating" them with a rod. but I think it does mean you as a parent are to be just that, a parent.. Some children don't respond to spankings, others don't respond to grounding, and others don't respond to time out. You as a parent must find out what you child does respond to, but I don't think it's anyone's place to determine what my child should respond to. I am a nurse and have seen many things, I've seen "monster children" that are yelled at constantly and they do not respond at all, I've seen abused children ,and a spanking is not it. I've seen parents that base their plans by what their 2 year old says (Example: Mom would like to go out and eat with a friend, is that ok?) What?? We all want respect, but you won't get it if you appear weaker than the child. The child is just that, a child. How do you know right from wrong? Someone loved you enough that they taught you. How do you know acceptable from unacceptable? Someone loved you enough that they taught you. You have to let your child know that you are the parent and adult, It's not abuse, it's called respect.
As I said earlier, I was disciplined (spanked) and so were my two sisters. We are grown adults and all have well-behaved children because of the teachings of our parents. Neither I, nor my sisters have behavior issues or do any of our children. We have all grown into successful adults, that accept responsibility for our own actions.

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One guiding principle I have always used is how would I react if someone else did the same thing to my child, or what might the consequences be if I did that to another person's child? For example, would you tolerate another person slapping your child or spanking their bottom? Is this something you would do to another person's child? Also, would you do the same thing to another adult that you do to your child? If they/you did, what would be the consequences? Children either learn to respond or react to stressors in their environment based on what their parent's modeled, e.g. responding/loving guidance or reacting/hitting, slapping, etc. I always try to think in terms of the short- and long-term lesson I want to teach my child. Do I want them to do the right thing because they are fearful of being punished or do I want them to do the right thing because it's the right thing to do? What happens when the 'fear inducer' is removed? Isn't it better, as Candy implied, to help them learn self-control (when they are developmentally able to do this) and empathy? As caregivers we have to take responsibility for what WE do that puts our children into situations that might be dangerous, e.g. pouring caustic soda in the presence of a child. We also need to be mindful of the words/terms we use. For example, don't forget that the term "rule of thumb" originated in violence, e.g. a man was allowed to beat his wife so long as the instrument he used was no bigger around than his thumb.

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Yes, there's a certain irony to that. :)

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Sally, the point of the post is what you do to discipline your child. Not other people disciplining your child. That is not a correct statement or fair comparison. It's up to you to do as you see fit and if that includes spanking, who is anyone to judge? No one is talking about other people spanking your children as a form of disciplinary action. It's your kid, you do as you see fit and shouldn't be concerned what others are doing, unless you see outright abuse going on.

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Sally actually makes a very valid point: If you wouldn't allow someone else to hit your child, then why would it be ok for you to do so? The parent, after all, is the main source of love, acceptance, patience and coaching for the child. Raising children is hard - it takes a lot of diligence and thoughtfulness. I think hitting a child is degrading and completely unacceptable. I am respectful to my kids and I expect the same from them. When necessary we discipline by taking privileges, which I think is in line with how things work in the adult world. I model the best I can, the way I expect them to behave - that means no violence.

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Thanks, Terese I am glad you posted, I appreciate your thoughtful response. Build children up through positive parenting. It is hard to be a child, they need all the support and guidance they can get to become thinking independent adults..

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I think the word "spanking' here is being thrown around a lot without any definable boundaries. I've seen lots of different disciplining techniques that are not consider abusive and spanking certainly wasn't the worst one. I think the real concern here is not how you discipline your child, but more how your child reacts to discipline, regardless of it's form. I've heard of children who were getting spanked with a spoon laughing about it and I've seen a child scream bloody murder when given a dirty look. Every child is different and therefore discipline techniques should be different. What I find is amazing is when people say that never give in to frustration when disciplining their children. NOt only is it ridiculously far fetched but it's also somewhat silly. Frustration is a part of life, that your child is going to to have to learn to deal with sooner or later. Hopefully if you do something out of frustration that you later feel may have been out of line you will at least have the decency to explain such to your child. I am in no way endorsing abuse of any kind here, just to make that abundantly clear.

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Terese, that point is invalid because as a parent it is your job to discipline your child first and foremost. If it requires spanking to get the point across then so be it. I wouldn't allow anyone but a family member discipline my child in that way and I would definitely expect them to do something if they are seeing my kid being bad when I'm not. Teachers don't get to have that kind of authority but they should be able to discipline children in school with detention, going to the principal's office, but any spanking is reserved for the parents. Some of you ladies keep focusing on being nicey nice to the child and sending them to time out or taking away toys. In the end that stuff stops working and the child will laugh at you for even trying. Kids aren't stupid and it's those kinds of kids that need a firmer hand than the coddling method allows. Without a good spanking followed by an explanation as to why they were punished in this way, your children will walk all over you and get away with whatever they please.

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While my own mother, and my son's nanny, both have permission to spank him when necessary, I would certainly *never* allow a complete stranger to whack his behind! On that note; I also would not allow a complete stranger to wipe his dirty bottom either, or to bathe him when he is naked, or to kiss him up and down his back, like I sometimes do, when he is in bed. I would not allow a stranger to kidnap him and feed him either. So what is your point?

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Here is my question…I know how I feel about the incident but I'd like another opinion…My niece harshly slapped her three yr. old on the mouth several times, in public after he told a stranger next to them waiting in line that she was ugly and he didn't like her or her shirt. He just turned three two months ago. They also just made a huge move away from family to another state while living with relatives they just met. I felt this was just too struck. I told her she should have just explained (right then and there) how not to talk mean to others. Afterall, he is just three.

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I'm 22 years old and my parents would spank me when I would misbehave & I thank them for that, my 15 year old sister doesn't get spanked and she's doing drugs and comes home the the next day and ditches school. My parents don't spank her because the social workers say they should talk because spanking won't help my sister takes advantage of that and does what ever she wants. My other two sibling were also spanked and the are not addicts or ditch school or come home till the next day.

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my mom never spanked me. she would lock me in the box room naked as a punishment. i got used to that, but was very shy when my mom let her female friend see me naked

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I am learning discipline starts with setting clear guideline for the child PRIOR to the bad behavior occurring. This avoids impulsive, anger based punishments being given that can cross lines, cause fear or resentment in the child and guilt by the parent. Obviously physical harm to a child teaches no "life lesson" and that's what I keep in mind when disciplining. What can they learn from this mistake and how can they change it in the future? Because as a child, repetition and follow through, along with consistency is key to learning. as an adult, it can be to late. I use the "three strikes your out" as a discipline strategy, similar to a court of law. I remind them to learn now because later there are no excuses. In the real world, you'd be fired, or arrested, or fined a lot of money for behaving in appropriately.

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Spanking a child with an object and leaving marks definitely goes too far.

Other than that you run into some pretty gray areas. When my three kids were growing up, I primarily took away privileges to discipline. The younger kids got time out or sometimes had to copy things in writing.

While I never used an object, there were times I spanked. I saved it for behavior that was dangerous or life threatening or sometimes behavior that showed great disrespect to an adult. Bullying was something I would not tolerate. My youngest son and another boy picked on a girl in school one day. He can remember the spanking he got for doing it with his pants pulled down to this day.

Parents need to remember to think clearly before they discipline. Don't do it when you are angry. Take a whole evening to calm down if you have too. Consult your spouse or even your parents if they are available.

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My just turned three year old granddaughter for whom I am raising has started a new behavior. She will not do anything she is asked to do. Her response is " I'm not gonna......" and if made to do it will kick and scream at the top of her lungs in what appears to be anger. She is disruptive in daycare and have to sometimes be removed from the room. She was doing really well with potty-training but now she even refuse to do that and will wet herself. I'm thinking it is just a battle of the wills (she is very strong willed) And maybe she is having her terrible two's at three. Whatever it may be, I need some advise. How can I relay to her in a manner that is healthy for both of us (because I find that I get anger just dealing with it) that this behavior is unacceptable,

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If no amount of time outs or taking away her favorite things helps your granddaughter get the hint, you can spank her as a last resort. Just a small whack on the bottom without leaving a mark. Enough for her to open her eyes. Then you explain to her why she is being punished and it will happen again if she continues with this behaviour. My sister in law's oldest turned three this year and she has had to resort to this because he is a little out of control. Hopefully you won't have to do it often. Just keep your disciplinary actions on your granddaughter out of the public eye because the last thing you need is some CPS whacko taking her away from you and putting her the foster system, which is a ton worse for her development than the loving discipline you can give to her.

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Oh and never spank when you're angry. Cool off and then do what you need to.

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I thank everyone for their input, it is very eyeopening and useful. What seem to work most at home is explaining to her that she has to follow directions and if she don't respond to that I put her in time out and go about whatever I might be doing. After she calm down I explain again about following directions and I ask her if she understands, this usually get a positive response from her. When we are out and she act up we just leave the store and when we get outside I explain to her that in order for us to go on we have to behave (follow directions). It has been a long two weeks with more to conquer but it has been worth it, we reward ourselves for good behavior and we both experience a sense of accomplishment.

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BEATING A CHILD ISINAPPROPRIATE

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DEFINITELY!

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If the discipline causes pain, humiliation or disrespect for your child, it is not worth it ever. Always show respect for the child's feelings and never embarrass then in front of anyone.

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It's a two way street. You must teach your child how to earn respect and how to give it. SO guess what you do when that child needs a little spanking? Take them out of the public eye and do what you need to do. Spanking is an effective tool when no other options have worked and it is NOT abuse. Unless you see some adult really injuring a child, leaving bruises, welts or making them bleed, it is not the same and to equate the two is just plain wrong. Learn the difference first and foremost. And remember, stay out of other parents business when they are disciplining their child. If that child is receiving a small spanking they are not being abused. Just stay out of it period.

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The pain, and humiliation is the reason why I would behave in order to not get spanked.

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I'll admit: even my wonderful mom was not THAT nice. If I embarrassed her, she quickly embarrassed me. If I hit her, you believe it: she'd hit me. Neither of my parents thought it was their job to TAKE abuse from their kids. I don't think that's their job, either.

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Every person/preofessional you come into contact with tells you "every child is different".
This to is true when it comes to discipline. What works for one might not work for another.
I was told by my maternal nurse that a certain age was a good age to smack to show course and effect. I did do thisyet not in anger or frustration and you know what it was too early and smacking was not affective cos by the third smack she laughed and wanted more lol - I think it was about age 1yr or bit younger. There is no point keep trying something that doesn't work, you are best to keep looking for the right one and that one will or can change! As children's development progresses so should your technique, as their vocabulary increases you can use more verbal conversation and explainations to the child.
Rule of thumb if you are going to discipline follow thru. From the moment my child was born - even thou she could not understand me I would explain everything to her, if she pulled my hair why that was wrong - no point yelling at a baby!! Use appropiate language (including body) to the child's development. Children hate being away from mum's so send them to their room/couch/or the floor infront of you and don't speak. My 2 1/2yr old understands completely when we do that and only for a minute (we don't time) we follow what her reaction is - you don't want them to be stressed and end up clingy and then you have another problem.
Your job is not to control yet nuture them in life, allow them to experience failure, boundries that ain't in your boundries yet controlled, sadness, all the stuff we as parents don't want our children to go thru yet life is the best teacher and the more experiences you give them from the word go the more they will (hopefully) understand life and be a better person.
My child shows empathy towards others, can sit thru a church service for hours, sit at a restuarant nicely, sit in emergency for 8hrs for someone to be seen, be quiet while in hospital with croup, respect other's properties and know when strangers are being naughty. And of course she can be a little devil because that is what kids do - push boundries again and again and again you just need to change as they change.
Not sure if that answered the question lol yet thanks!!

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It is true and you need to learn how your child is, not let someone tell you what they think. Or what's right and wrong. You are the parent and it's up to you. I agree that spanking any child under the age of 2-2.5 is too much. They're still learning just like you are, but that age and above is okay to spank as a last resort when nothing else is working. But you have to do so calmly and then explain to your kid why they are being punished and what your expectations are in regards to that behaviour. The control you speak of is not for you to control them necessarily. It should be taught to the child so that they learn to control their own behaviour in public. If you let a child act like a fool in public, that's a problem. It's okay to let kids act like kids but when it gets out of hand you need to reign them in a bit. Teach them the difference. Heck, point out rowdy teenagers as an example because that's what they'll turn into if you don't nip it in the bud early. Explain to them that acting like a savage little animal gets you nowhere in life and will likely land you in jail if it gets worse. I agree with following through in discipline. Too many parents don't and the child learns nothing but the fact that they can get away with bad behaviour. Coddling the child is ineffective. Children will grow up with a sense of entitlement and that is what you don't want.

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Most of us who are age 40 and older grew up in homes where spanking was a normal consequence for a child’s poorly chosen behavior. Then, popular opinion shifted, and spanking became viewed as a form of child abuse. Now, there’s a new spanking study out that shows that children who get spanked
grow up happier and more successful than those who aren’t, and (according to this study) the spanked children are even more likely to want to go to college. Obviously, this recent research differs from findings over the past decade, which have been strongly against spanking. What’s a parent to do? Let’s take a time-out to assess the facts of the situation.

This recent, controversial study was headed by Marjorie Gunnoe, a psychology professor at Calvin College, a Christian-based college in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Research for the study involved interviewing 2,600 people about spanking. The study concluded that spanking a child up to age six can generate the positive outcomes referenced above, whereas spanking a child after age six was linked with behavioral difficulties such as playground fighting. Why would age make a difference? Could it be the sense of personal dignity that may or may not be affronted when spanking a child? Could it be the degree of force used when spanking an older child as compared to a younger child? Could it be the reason for the spanking: a need to keep the child safe (as in I-told-you-NOT-to-play-in-the-street) or a need to redirect safety-irrelevant misbehaviors (as in I-told-you-not-to-talk-back-to-your-mother).

Perhaps just as important as these questions is the behavior of the parent that is concurrent with the spanking or time-out. Is the parent spanking...
http://tinyurl.com/42t5555

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(interesting study) The findings also found that if discipline is consistent, it's the pivotal key to success, not whether or not the child was spanked. Lack of parenting is found to be the problem, homes with no discipline. It also linked violent behavior in adolescence to children that were still being spanked at a later age. It is an interesting study, it does locate when to absolutely stop the practice of spanking, if one does, in order to avoid negative outcomes in later life..

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Candi, I believe a parent who spanks should never do so angry or frustrated. This is a big problem when parents don't know the limits of force, but spanking can and is an effective tool for discipline. Parents just need to learn to be calm before they need to spank.

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I agree with the parents who say that hitting is not required. The word discipline comes from the root word "disciple" Children learn by following your lead. If you hit, they will hit. I have raised 5 and I cannot say that I never gave that little swat to get their attention or sometimes out of frustration. My children have all grown into responsible adults and good citizens. We are close and speak often. They know I am here for them and I love it. I now also take care of 2 of my 3 grandchildren and am so hapy to be in their lives. Kids are people, just smaller. We only earn their respect by respecting them. I am blessed because of them. Grandma Mary

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I am saddened by many of the remarks, having studied child development (I have a masters in Education). I strongly believe it is never alright to hit a child, it encourages a person to handle situations out of fear rather than for intrinsic reasons, it also communicates it is 'okay' to hit another. I have three children the oldest is 15 he is male and has never been hit and is an extremely well behaved teenager, who has never 'acted out' as implied will be the result of not hitting (also his GPA is a 4.0). As a parent I DO have control over discipline and choose to take away privileges which are strongly felt by the child. I also have a thinking spot and encourage all problems to be thought of carefully as to what happened/the problem and what they did and how they could make a better choice the next time. My teenager comes to me to discuss his problems under the same framework. It has encouraged us to have a good rapport. I also analyze the situation in which a problem occurred to better understand the circumstance(s). Learning to deal with ones feelings and others is our jobs as parents and the more loving we do this it encourages them to choose a similar path. Hitting is irrelevant to good parenting all research on child development corresponds to this finding.. It does not lead to a better outcome.

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Site the positive and build a child up and you will be bring out the best in your little human.

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This subject is hard for me. I personally feel that children should be disciplined, but I was abused so I have a hard time with the spanking thing. I have a 2 year old son and he knows what is right and what is wrong. He will turn around and make sure I'm watching before he does something. I've tried taking toys away, time outs, distracting, and etc... When I put him in time out He will dangle his feet from the chair and say "mama" or "da" and inch it closer and closer to the floor. As soon as we walk towards him he jumps back in the chair and laughs. He's also gotten very bad about throwing stuff at me and hitting me. Everythings turned into a huge game. I love my son dearly and I know its normal behavior for a 2 year old. But obviously we need to try something new because nothing we are doing is working. So if anyone has any advice... please feel free to share. :)

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Lauren, I too came from an abusive home and was very afraid to spank a child. I didn't spank my daughter for the first time until she was 7 years old because she wouldn't listen to me and talking did me no good. The thing to remember when spank is to never do it angry, upset or in excess. What helps me think about it being excessive is the number and how it was done to me. To spank a child 3 times on the butt is usually enough to get the right message through to a child. Anything more than that and your message is lost in the punishment. I think just because we were abused does not mean that we will abuse our children. Good luck with your son.

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I agree with Sammy. Spank without anger and explain why they are being disciplined. Kids will understand when you talk to them about why you are doing what you're doing. They will appreciate it when they're older and living well adjusted lives. You know what abuse is and you know how to avoid it. Take it one step at a time and just be calm when you need to curb the bad behaviour.

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I choose not to spank, but here are somethings that have worked in our home. I find it works to put certain toys on a time out shelve (whatever is their desired item that will be felt when gone), or if they throw a toy it goes away (time out). Also if they don't stay in the time out place use a car seat or stroller (you only need to do this once, the next time they will sit in time out) and time it according to their age.. My timer only starts once they are calm. I try and site good behaviors with stamps on a chart to earn a desired item or for a trip to the swimming pool.. To reroute negative behaviors I try and find them making good choices and give them a stamp, I find this is great for correcting a pattern. My kids love their charts and they can be proud of their stamps/good behavior.. For example if they leave somewhere without begging to stay, share or clean up.. transitions were always an issue (now I always give a two minute warning and have them say good bye to the place), leaving the park etc. I think aloud about decision making so they can learn to make choices. I hope this is helpful.

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Who said anything about spanking out of anger? I would love to send my children to you perfectionist out there. Stop with negativity please. It is hard enough to deal with children who have behavioral problems. To Carrie...since you seem to think that every child is the same you obviuosly whizzed by abnormaly Psycology. Try raising a RADD child, who consistantly breaks all the rules regardless of the consequences. I believe most parents do try to talk to their children. Also..when I talk about a specific State laws I am talking about my state. This is suppose to be a forum for Moms to connect and help each other. It seems as if some of you might still be in high school.If I don''t agree with you it is okay, and Visa versa.

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Nikki I am an educator, I have met all kinds of children (I have taken many courses on psychology), and take care of a child with ODD regularly. I am not angry/being negative, but I am suggesting there are other ways. Some on this forum suggest that the word discipline is synonymous with 'spank', effective discipline has nothing to do with spanking.

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Carrie Maynes, as an educator/psychologist, you deal with a couple of children. Not ALL children, so the few experiences you have may work for you in these "special" cases but that doesn't encompass every child out there and every discipline problem either. Your experiences are unique to you and you should be dealing with your own kids, not someone elses or claiming to know what's right for all. Spanking is NOT abuse. Spanking is an effect disciplinary tool when nothing else is working. You keep talking about coddling the child and that is going to backfire in the end. That child is going to grow up, feeling entitled because your "discipline" will stop working. Kids are a lot smarter than you give credit and they will laugh in your face for trying to be the nicey nice teacher. The thing you don't realize also is that as an educator you have no real power to discipline kids. Only the parent has that kind of control so you need to realize that if these kids are coming to you out of control, that parent has lost their control over the child. You should focus on helping the parents take back the reigns and control their child's behaviour but that also means not coddling the kid either.

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Lauren, you are like a LOT of mothers who grew up in abusive homes. Particularly for us moms, if we were abused; then we are AFRAID, yes AFRAID to discipline our children, because we so fear how they will hate us for it. I remember when my son was reaching school age, and how I had danced around many disagreements, avoiding temper tantrums from him by giving in, and how proud I was about it. It was my therapist who let me know that it is *possible* for me to err in the opposite direction. It is actually possible for me; the product of abuse, to spoil my son. I was afraid of *any* family conflict; afraid of hurt feelings, of broken hearts, and over-analyzing something that is not really much more than a power struggle in the mind of a 5 yr old. His pouts had me hesitating, his tears would quickly undo the word "no". He had me wrapped around his finger, and I'm glad I finally realized that was NOT good, because it put him in charge of me, rather than the other way around. You will eventually find what works with your child, but you have to trust yourself. Don't believe the common misconception that you are at *greater* risk of abusing your children. You've been on the receiving end; you were the victim yourself, and so you know better the negative impact of that. Your understanding of that fear & pain is better, not worse, than someone who has never been through it. You need to trust yourself; you love your child & you know what is best for him. Your methods of discipline don't have to involve spanking but they do have to involve firmness and consistency; no matter what they are. Don't be so afraid to upset him that you put him in charge of you.

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Legally spanking is defined as swatting your child with an open hand one time. Anything more and/or with anything besides a hand is considered illegal and child abuse. SO people posting wonderful advice on here need to also be aware that is some states it can be considered abuse.

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In some states the people that make the laws need to make sure that the child is REALLY being abused. Why do all you NON Disapline people on here think there are so many young people in the prison systems now days? Why do you think there are so many rude young adults? Do you think maybe those people weren't disaplined as children. You MUST train your child just like you train your puppies or you get rude ill mannered children just like you get dogs that run the other way when you call them. I don' tlike comparing children with dogs, but it's true. You must train them when they are young or they do as they please when they are older.

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Oh and one more thing, they have taken God out of the Schools, taken the pledge out of the schools, taken our right to parent and disapline our children away from us. Not abuse, but disaplline. What is going to be taken away next??????

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I agree that training children are in a lot of ways like training dogs.. and dogs and all animals are better trained with treats and other positive reinforcement than with beating and caging. Beating and caging is exactly how dogs and other animals are trained to fight and be aggressive. In fact there are a plethora of studies that have link violent discipline with more agressive and rebellious behaviour whereas logical discipline, where the punishment fits the crime, leads to very good behaviour. Examples of punishments that fit the crime: if you are hitting people, you don't get to be around people for awhile; if you through your food on the floor, you have to clean it up and don't get any more food that meal; if you leave your toys out, they get lost or broken. With my two-year-old, if she is not listening, I will walk away and leave her alone, It doesn't take long (usually before I finish leaving the room) for her to want me to come back and is willing to listen to me to get me back. These types of natural consequences are much easier to explain and to understand. For other things where it is more difficult to come up with a good logical consequence or the consequence doesn't prove to be influential enough, discussing with the child what a reasonable consequence would be, gives them ownership and responsibility for their actions. If they agree to the punishment, then they understand the rule and there is no surprise as to what will happen - it makes the enforcer trustworthy when than enforce it rather than mean or over-controlling or non-understanding. Regardless of what the particular consequence is, they need to understand precisely what the incorrect action was and the discipline needs to be consistent - preferably by all caretakers. If you wouldn't want somebody else enforcing the rules in the exact same way, it should not be the consequence. All children need to know that the rules are constant and the consequences are always the same regardless of who is babysitting.

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I agree Cathy on the removal of the positives from the schools. When we remove God...hmmmm...what obviously is the replacement? Just look at the increase in violence, shootings, disrespect, and negative behaviors. I prefer God. Even if a person does not believe, it would be preferable to the alternatives! As far as how to parent a child and what works? All of this advice is terrific perhaps for raising children that "normal" techiniques have any kind of effect on. I raised three that fell into that category. I then did foster care and adopted five more children. Out of those five, one child would fall into the category of "getting it." The others, no way. When you deal with severely emotionally abused children, all normal systems do not work. These kiddos do not respond to rewards, punishment, consequences and such. Forget timeouts, removing privledges, or sticker charts/rewards for doing well. It does not matter how often I compliment them for good or they get in trouble for their negative behaviors...they do not learn in a normal fashion. Attachment disorders are so hard to deal with among their other issues, and what ends up having the best effect is to realize that they are trying to get at me by maintaining control.Their lives were so out of control before, so this is their line of defense and it was ingrained as an infant. Those first few months and year are crucial to love and meet the needs of our babies,a nd when it does not happen, these kiddos signals get messed up and it is most difficult to get through. Anyway, if I say they are going to lose XYZ priviledge, then for my child to retain control, she will reply she doesn't care and didn't want it anyway. The best results come from maintaing control by not getting upset and coming back with, "Interesting decision or choice or comment or whatever they are doing. Keep that up and SOMETHING will happen." See, in this way the child does not know what will happen, and I maintain control. I also give strange consequences like have them do push-ups with all that extra energy they seem to be displaying. I have had them jump in a pool to "cool off" their hot heads...regular clothes on of course. Acting like a baby earns baby food for dinner...with a smile. I have a daughter who keeps loosening her bra straps so it is ineffective when she bends over. Last night my fiance and I sat at the dinner table with her new bras on our heads!! (I just purchsed a type that has no adjustable straps for her.) It was so funny to see the five kiddos try and figure out what was going on as we, "the Grand Poo-Bras" ate our meal. Much more effective to learn to have fun with our parenting than to let them drive us crazy. Trust me, if you have to deal with one child with attachment disorder it can be overwhelming...to have several is insane. So I have decided to get in touch with their nonsense-thinking and it works so much better. Perhaps this will help someone else too. Remember too, that we do not always have to give 1,000 reasons for why we are doing what we are doing. That gives the child ammunition to counter us. Funny responses are better most times. By the time a child is 10 or younger, they know why anyway, and are just trying to badger you when you give them a consequence. So when they do this just give them a silly answer back. "Because the sky is blue," or "I am on my period" (works great for men!), "I forgot" (love that one because I hear it so much - LOL), "I am feeling purple today", "because the roses have thorns." Also, to maintain control, it can be helpful to let them know that whatever they do is perfectly fine with you. This way, their actions cannot be in retaliation, because whatever the child does, they are pleasing you. This is a difficult one at first, but in time they get so baffled, they actually do the right things. You can ask them to do a task such as fold their clothes and tell them that they can either agree to fold the clothes and do a nice job, or argue about it, ignore the request, act stupid, throw a fit, say something mean, or any other action they choose. Any one of these choices is fine. When they look at you bewildered, you then tell them what a great stupid look they are giving you and thank them for it, telling your child how much you love it when he/she does things YOUR WAY! As they argue or mutter, you once again thank them with even more excitement in your voice as they are continuiing to do things YOUR WAY..as you point out to them. They may even get to a tantrum, which of course is right on your list and you let them know what an "amazing performance" they are doing and thank them for the entertainment. When he/she finally gets tired, they generally just do the task and next time leave out the theatrics. It may take time, but eventually the point gets through. Regular methods never do work with these kiddos. I have had them for between 8 and 14 years so I have tried about everything I know. This is the best. A wonderful short booklet to read is by Elizabeth Randolph, MSN, PhD., entitled "Children Who Shock and Surprise." Randolph not only has a degree in psychology among others, she had a foster son with attachment disorder who came to her home at age 14. Previously he had lived in 20 foster homes, 3 failed adoptive placements, 8 group homes, and 3 residential living placements. He was extremely difficult, a chonic fire-setter, but Elizabeth and her son are proof of how these methods worked. It is a quick read, insightful, and a fun one. Number one rule...take care of yourself! You need it to take care of your child/children no matter who they are and how they act. Have a blessed day!

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Debby, I loved your post, thank you! I have worked with many students from difficult places (at risk kids and students targeted with being retained).. But creative ways to involve students in the classroom are similar, how does one get a child with negative experiences to love school?..... I just loved how your examples were so filled with love. Thanks again.

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Spare the rod, spoil the child. I am in no way for abusing anyone especially a child or animal. However, yes I agree that a small spanking on the bum has it's time and place. I think our society has lost it's ability to parent and feel obligated to treat their children like a friend. If we continue to give our children everything..cell phones, make up, nail polish, ice cream, candy every day, game boys computers. shoes that cost more than my gas for the month...etc etc. than what in the world do they have to look forward to as adults? Also they learn that they can do whatever they want and someone might just say..don't so that. Schools can barley keep classrooms under control as a parent has no care in the world when their child looks at porn on thier cell phone. The school takes it away, and low and behold..the parents are threating to sue the school. Parenting is the word here. The disrespect that children have for adults is absent. I do not go out to eat to listen to your child scream because they don't want eat what they ordered ..they want another soda and ice cream! Giving into a temper tantrum teaches the child thats all they have to do to get what they want. As far as what if someone bigger than me was mad..than maybe I would shut my pie hole and apoligize. Lastly I have never had my co-worker throw their chair at me after eating my entire birthday cake and then saying so what! Then steal my make up , my jewlery, lie to me and I do not have to be responsible for another adult or pay their bills.

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I agree with you about parents trying to be 'friends' with their child. That is totally misguided. Children don't even WANT their parents to be their friend. They look to parents for boundaries, not mateship. But I don't agree with 'spare the rod, spoil the child' at all. What spoils children is a lack of clarity and consistency in boundaries, coupled with a lack of feeling that their parents love and respect them for who they are. Hitting a child might stop them doing that bad thing while you're looking, but it doesn't address why they did it and it doesn't create trust- and to find out why they did it, and to discuss it in a way that means that they don't do that bad thing whether you're looking or not, you need to have a trusting relationship.

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Maybe I might seem a little harsher. However I have 2 children- We adopted them after they had been in 5 different Foster homes. They are siblings and both have Bi-polar and ADHD. My oldest one went through some very tough, dark times. However he CHOOSE to pull himself together and now is doing awesome. Now it is my little one's turn. I have my hands full as she is beautiful and smart. Nice long understanding talks gets me BS. So if they were not special needs I would probably agree with you.None the less..we love them so much.

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I think spanking is appropriate, with in legal, my son is 10 going on 15, and is almost the same size as me.. Other things have been tried.. I think there is to much analyizing when it comes to parenting, guilt and I have noticed that children show less respect these days or just talk themselves around things because the diplomatic approach is always taken.. Yes there is a difference and as an individual who has experienced discipline and abuse I can say that when I was a child I learnt from the discipline, that there was a consequence if i went to far.. My father was always calm and explained why I was getting a smack, I think that's where the difference lays..

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We try to teach if you do something wrong once, it is a mistake and we talk to our children. If you do it again it is called a bad choice. I think that everyone should reflect on what we are doing here. We are raising our children and preparing them for adulthood. I so agree that disipline is needed. We do NOT spank our oldest son who is bi-polar, yet when my daughter who is also bi-polar behaves like a 5 year old she gets a spanking. Nothing fun about listening to my daughter talk about dating boys, yet still lies, steals and throws temper tantrums. She also refuses to complete homework and just flat out refuses to comply with out family rules. Special needs children are alot different than your typical child.

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The Bible clearly says "spoil the rod spoil the child". You have to believe in God and His Word to understand this statement. If you need wisdom in how to discipline your child/children then ask the One who created them. All children are different and will need different approaches when training them in the way you want them to be. Again the Bible says "Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it. If you love your child/children then you will do whatever it takes to bring them up in a well balanced home full of love and discipline as needed. (there is no handbook on this..ask God for advice) Love your children and do good for them. Discipline them with loving hands if there is a "spanking" needed but let them know they are expected to act a certain way at home as starters and then when they go into public they will already be prepared and know what you expect of them for the most part. When they get older you will be glad you disciplined them with "loving" hands. Sometimes a hug will change the kids attitude and sometimes ya just gotta pop them to get their attention. On the bottom of course! God and Family....what else is there in this world really? Good luck to you parents out there. Remember we are raising the next generation. Good day!

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Kudos Sylvia Carraway! I totally agree!

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I totally agree! We have to teach our children! One of my biggest pet pieves and parents that let their children have and do whatever they want because of a fit. Then that same parent will say " I don't know why he/she whines all the time! lol I just want to scream! I mean really? I don't believe in abusing a child or animal but I do strongly believe that it's our job as parent to teach our children right from wrong, respect for other and things, and to also teach them that they can't have nor do they need everything! I don't think that a spanking should be used constantly, but a parent should try and see what works best for thier child.

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Candy makes some good points. I do think that spanking a child for wrong doing is a good thing, depending on the wrong doing that the child has done. I have spanked my kids in the past and will do the same with my son however I never spank a child when I am upset or angry. If your upset/angry then take 10 or 15 minutes to yourself to calm down then go and talk to the child. Tell him/her what they did is wrong and what/why they are being punished. If you do decide to spank a child then I would suggest no more than 3 smacks to the butt. Anything more than that and your not really getting the message you want to convey across. A lot of times only one spanking can get the message across to a child for a lifetime. I have a 15 year old daughter and in those 15 years I only spanked my daughter once, the rest of the time I could just sit her down and calmly talk to her about what she did wrong and why it was wrong.

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Yes, if you're going to spank, the kid often doesn't see it coming if you spank him when you're mad. You may also spank him harder and more times than is needed. You being upset shouldn't cause them anxiety because they associate being spanked (unexpectedly) with you being mad. You want them to connect the spanking with their choice.

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I totally agree with Sammy. There are times when a spanking is the best punishment. I had 2 children. The oldest got spanked once for going into the street after being told over and over not to. She nearly got hit by a car, I spanked her. She never got spanked again. My younger child got spanked for lying. She never lied to me again as a child. She never got spanked again. They both knew I wouldn't tolerate temper tantrums so they never tried it. I was clear and consistant with them. They were both well behaved, polite, respectful children. They were taught manners early in their lives. My Granddaughter is the same way. No tantrums, no public displays of crying because she doesn't get her own way and she hasn't ever been spanked. It depends on the crime and the child.

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Cathy..I do the exact same with my daughter. Hasn't worked yet. Can I please send her to you? J/K.

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I feel Candy offered some great advice. I'd add, there are situations in which immediate safety is the issue and you need to get their attention. In those situations sometimes the punishment or action seems quite harsh but you can have a discussion when there is a more calm moment. You may jerk your child by the arm to prevent them from pushing another child down a set of stairs, but once the threat of injury has been removed you could explain the danger to them.

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Absolutely hear where you're coming from, Audra. I had a friend who smacked her stepson's hand hard enough to make him cry. Why? He'd just tried to stick his hand into a stream of caustic soda after she told him to stay away while she cleared a drain, and she smacked it out of the way so he didn't get burned. Sometimes you just have to act, but afterwards it's important to explain what happened there.

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I have a daughter that has a 9 month old daughter and my daughter has a tendency to spank her daughter when her daughter won't stop crying is this considered child abuse in the state of Michigan ?

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No she just needs to calm her daughter down get on her level eye to eye and if still noisy remove the child

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I have two daughters, age 14 and 12.
When I spank them, i insist both of them to take off their panties before spanking, in order to be spanked on bare bottoms.
Occasionally, but not so often,, I insist my husband spank them to.
And to spank them on the same way.
Are there some other parents who like to spank their children 2 - 3 times a weak, at least?

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I love kids many of them espesially my smart little Ricky hes A honor roll and smarted then you

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A spanking which causes pain without causing lasting damage is appropriate in my opinion.

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I think discipline of a child depends on the child and the age. I personally don't believe in beating/spanking your child. Growing up with my parents my brother was a very difficult child to raise...very disrespectful. There was never any control over him. My mom spanked him one time...and his response was "that didn't even hurt...it probably hurts you more than me." and my parents never believe in beating a child. What they found was useful was "writing sentences." Which meant...if he was smart mouthing my mom he would start with 20 sentences...and he would have to write "I will not smart mouth my mom," twenty times. And if he kept smart mouthing or doing whatever he was doing to get him in trouble she would increase the amount of times he had to write something.

He absolutely HATED it. He would actually cry. It was the only was they were going to be able to control him.

He still talks about writing sentences to this day. It must have done something because he has grown up since then.

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all i can say is don't slap or punch/kick them. Lightly tap your child(ren) on the wrist or leg or warn them you'll hit them (even if you don't) thats the best way to do it. Make sure you only use hitting as a last resort though.

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my kids are really bad my daughters both made a thirty five on their test what should i do?

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I WOULD GO WITH A REWARD PROGRAM. YOU GET TO A C YOU GET TO GO HERE. B SOMETHING BIGGER. A EVEN BIGGEER. I HAD A LEARNING DEFECTED BUT DID NOT KNOW I HAD IT TILL 10 GRADE. WHERE MY BRAIN WOULD JUST SHUT DOWN AFTER 25 MINUTE INTO THE TEST WHERE ALL I COULD SEE IS A BLANK TEST SHEET. HOPE THE BEST FOR YOU AND GOOD LUCK

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I tried to spank my kid and he lashed out at me and broke my wrist.
None of that is an exageration sometimes spanking just doesn't work.

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If he bites you when you put him in time out, then just give up on that too.

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There are not limits on how far you may go. Results are the only measurement!

When you child start to obey you and follow your instructions then you are right on the spot. No need to go further and no point in doing anything if you stop short of the point when obedience is acquired.

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