Is it OK to strip a father of his rights if he is not in the picture?

40  Answers

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I don't think most women have a clue what you're dealing with, they're trying to imagine and making it up from there. I've been there, 'not in the picture' meant that he'd never come to the hospital, I'd stopped off at his work on the way home from the hospital to show him the baby. He came to visit once in the first month. He quit his job and went to work in day labour so he could be paid under the table. He never bought a single diaper. He never called. He never came by, never asked to come by and disappeared, leaving me no address or phone or idea where he was. 5 years later I had his parental rights legally terminated, leaving my husband, the only man who had ever lifted a finger to be a dad to my son, free to adopt him. It was the best thing I ever did for him. He did make an attempt to get in touch with his birth father at age 11. He told my son on the phone that he 'sounded like a girl' and then started telling him about all the women he'd slept with. I took the phone, that was it for us all. My son is 23 now and never thinks of his bio father, he's an irrelevence in our large, happy family where my son is simply the oldest son, not someone else's son. If a man doesn't want to be a dad, he doesn't deserve to be a father.

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0 1

I so didn't mean to negative vote this! I hate this new cell phone! However I completely agree with this!! My son's "father" to put it nicely has never seen his son. He's been given many opportunities to have a relationship with him but he's never acted upon it. He's given me excuse after excuse as to why he's not involved. I have no problem going on with our lives without him or without mention of him. My son has plenty of people that love him and care about him.

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I was interested to know how you went about getting the rights legally terminated? I am in the process of wanting to do this and the court tells me as long as he is paying child support i cant do that. He hasnt seen my daughter in 3 years and has only spent probably a total of 10 hours with her since she was born. Myu fiance would like to adopt her when he gets the opportunity idk what to do. Nikki

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Mine wasn't paying child support, nor visiting. I consulted with a lawyer, he would have put a legal notice in the newspaper of his last known address and it had to run for a set period of time, notifying him of the intent to terminate his rights. I found his mother to ask where he might be and why I was looking for him (my husband wanted to adopt as well, in our case, my ex was himself adopted so his mother was quite sympathetic and supportive) and she talked to him and had him call me back. We agreed it in principal there on the phone and the lawyer was able to proceed with the much simpler voluntary termination of rights. If your ex is still paying child support, that would stop when he was legally separated from the child so be sure that's what you want to do. I had nothing to lose so it was easy to forgive him his huge backlog of unpaid child support and well worth the freedom to make our son legally our son rather than attached to someone who had no interest in him. Your best bet is to find an attorney, through your denomination if you have one, who does adoption work pro bono, they'll have the advice and many won't charge you for a simple consult. Be warned though, him paying child support is 'taking an interest' in the eyes of the law so you'll have a more diffult path than I had.

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Nikki, you would have to terminate the support order to have the rights revoked.

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I would also like to know how you got his rights terminated. My grandson will be 4 on December 28th. His sperm donor was not at his birth, only saw him MAYBE once a month after that and then never saw him again after they did the DNA testing when my grandson was 9 months old. He now is married with ANOTHER child (his 4th by the way from a 4th woman) and has just recently gotten out of prison for his 3rd felony (he is a registered sex-offender). He is paying child support...that is if you can count a check of $1.28 as support. She has gotten a couple of $600+ checks but I think that was while he was in prison and they were from tax returns or something. My daughter has tried REPEATEDLY to get his parental rights revoked and she has been told that she cannot until she is married and the husband has been around for at least a year. We live in WA State.

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Devon I feel inspired by you. I too am trying to have my daughter's bio- sperm donor rights terminated. He now pays some child support and my daughter was in class and decided on her own that she no longer wanted to be known by her sperm donor's last name and has added my new husband's name. She decided to call my new husband dad and they do a lot of things together, like cooking and playing games and learning about science and I love watching them. My daughter is 11 and she asks me alot of the time as to when she can change her name. I don't bad mouth her dad ever, even if I would love to see him pay for the things he's done. All in all I think the decision had to be made by my daughter about what she wanted to do, I didn't want her to grow up resenting me for making her do something she didn't want to do. Thank you for your stories.

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My son's father was verbally and emotionally abusive. He also raped me once, so I guess that would make him sexually abusive as well. When I found out I was pregnant, I was in shock. He had told me he'd had a vasectomy! Found out later from a family member of his that he was lying. On top of that, he moved me in after I found out, made me quit my job and pretty much ruled me with an iron fist from then on. I remember one time especially, I had cleaned the entire house, washed the bed sheets, beat the carpets, washed dishes, dusted and swept, did all his laundry. He came home and swiped his finger across the TV and said "You f*&@king missed something!" I was ready to kill him. Then one day, my invalid mother needed help so I went to stay with her for the night. He must have been completely tanked when I told him I was staying the night because the next day, he didn't even remember. He accused me of cheating and kicked me out and set all of my stuff out in the rain. That's just an overview of why I'm about to explain his situation in my son's life. My son was born and he never contacted me during the pregnancy or came to the hospital for the birth. He even tried to convince me to have an abortion when I found out I was pregnant. I am extremely against having one so I refused. That infuriated him. My son is now 3 1/2 years old and a happy, well adjusted little boy with a great daddy who took the place of this worthless lump of a sperm donor. I would never talk badly about his father in front of my son, and I have forgiven him for what he did. But that doesn't mean that I have to embrace him. In the past 3 years, he has never even seen a picture of my son. The only time he contacted me was through FB to say "Are you going to let me off the hook for child support or what?" Even if he made a half assed attempt to see my son, I wouldn't put my child in that situation. I escaped and never looked back. I knew it was the best thing to do. Socially acceptable? Maybe not. But it is my choice and my child. I chose to keep him from being put through any unnecessary hurt and danger. I suggest you do the same. A child should feel loved, not feel like an obligation or hindrance to someone's social life or schedule. Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and say "I've made an effort. I can't do anymore."

5 2

How do you strip a bio father of his rights because he has never been there? I need lawyer advice? Steps to take? I am in GA. Thanks

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0 13

My daughter's biological father walked away on her first birthday and never looked back. She will be 16 next birthday. He has NO rights

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0 6

If one day she decides to meet her dad...Will you stand in her way because you feel he has no rights?

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There is a difference between having rights and meeting someone. Knowing someone doesn't give them the ability or right to tell you what to do or how to raise your child. As far as I believe, that would give him less clout than a grandparent who has been around the entire time--so like an estranged family member, where the only connection is the shared genetics. My biological father walked away before my first birthday, but I was free to meet him whenever I wanted. I waited until I was 20 because he was just a person. He went through rough times too, but it was his decision. He's not my dad in any meaning of the word other than the donor of sperm.

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I agree with you 100% my grandson is almost 2 now and his father has never asked about him or called to see how hes doing. he told my daughter to send him papers so he can sign them to relinquish his parental rights. What kindof father can lay down and create a baby and than claim that hes not his. Hes a coward in my eyes. He has missed so much with his son hes a cutie and Im here for him anytime he needs me. I believe he hasnt been here up til now so he need not come back.

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I agree with you my daughter's father has not been in her life well basically since birth, he wasn't evevn in the delivery room with me, it has caused her alot of trauma and heartache. He saw her a couple times when she 2 years old then he stopped altogether. When we got divorced she was 10 years old, he also denied her until the blood test proved him wrong, he has not paid one dime in child support, hasn't bought her anything clothes nothing. She is almost 18 now and doesn't even acknowledge him as her father, when people mention him to her she replies: who? He has not seen her since. How a man can leave a child and not feel any guilt about it is beyond me, at least she one good parent that loves her along with other family members and who will always be there for her. He blames everyone else for his absence, in my eyes is and will always be a deadbeat dad!!

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all i have to say is good for you! that's where i'm headed with my sons asshole father!!

2 0

It varies by state, I'd advise you to call the law library and see if they can help you find the appropriate statutes and forms you would need or consult with a lawyer. In my case, my ex was 5 years behind on his child support so owed a good deal of money and was limited to working under the table for cash to avoid wage garnishment. So he had no investment in the child but was heavily invested in getting out from under the child support order. I simply called his mother - the only possible contact I had to get in touch with him, and asked that he call me. She was a good neutral party and made sure he got the message and had him call from her phone which I knew she was do. I laid out my offer - you give up your parental rights so my husband can adopt him which will stop the child support order and I'll forgive the arrears so you can start working a regular job and keep your money. He wanted to keep his money but still, even though he hadn't laid eyes on the kid from 3 months and lived on the other side of the country, balked at signing away his rights. His mother talked to him (he was adopted, she'd been on the other side of the dilemma) and he called back within days to say he'd do it. We mailed him the voluntary termination of parental rights forms from Nevada, he signed them before a South Carolina notary and sent them back to us, our attorney filed them. We found our attorney through our church, he did adoption work pro bono as part of his service to fellow parishoners, the minister told us about him though we'd never met at our large-ish church. In some states, if you don't have an address for your ex, your lawyer simply puts an ad in the paper of the town they were last known to be living in (sometimes you have to do a few towns if you know they were living in Atlanta but family is from Macon or some such) informing them of the intent, it has to run for so many days and if they don't respond by the deadline, haven't kept up contact or child support, they'll take that to a judge and an involuntary termination of rights will be ordered. It's not simple but if you want to get out from under a neglectful or abusive ex, there are agencies that can help you get there. Good luck!

2 0

I can only speak for me but my son is now 24 and at 11 he expressed some curiosity about his biological father. I again contacted his mother and asked that she have him there so I could call and talk to him at an appointed time. He pretended to not know me when I called, though he was there to accept that call, joked around with some innuendoes which I stopped and told him that this was for our son, he wanted to talk to his real dad. I then put my son on the phone but he got increasingly upset saying 'it is me!' and I took the phone again and found that my ex was accusing our son of being my sister. My sister had been about 11 when we broke up and my son's voice hadn't changed yet so was still child-like high, he seemed to think that 'his son' would have a 'manly voice' like his at 11 years of age. I had to get my sister to come to the phone, identify herself and then put my son back on the phone to get him to shut up about it. After that my son had only a few questions, they talked for maybe 5 minutes and my son hung up. He was bitterly disappointed, expressed surprise that his dad was 'such an a**hole' and has shown not one bit of interest in talking to him in the subsequent 13 years. But I keep tabs on my ex's mother, try to have some idea of where he is so if my son does want to make contact, he can. I would never stand in his way but I will protect and try to act as diplomat between the two if needed. It would be nice if they could form a good relationship in adulthood but I fear my ex really blew his chance of that ever happening and my son is very happy with the family and friends he has supporting him now and has no interest in trying again.

5 0

hi all my name is kirk im with a women that i love very much so her son is not mine but i love just so much ...his bio father deadbeat ha sent seen his son sense he was 1 no child support last time i tryd to talk to him we just got into an argument and that he will never give over his rights what can i do he going be 5 now he calls me daddy im happy he calls me daddy me and his mother plan on getting married soon

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0 0

Yes - but he should still have to contribute to the upkeep of the child - the state shouldn't have to pay. Fathers (or mothers) who have children and abandon them shouldn't be let off the hook - they should be tracked down and made to pay like in America.

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5 29

PAY like in AMERICA? are you KIDDING ME? My husband's first wife ran away, when his daughter was 5. All those year she never paid ONE DIME of her child support as ordered, She moved to Washington State, where she slept with the judge that reviewed all out of state transitions of support cases. Despite outstanding arrest warrants AND payment orders in 37 states, this judge allowed her to pay only $1 a month.. Now if this had been THE MAN owing the woman, he'd have been in jail , they'd have take 90% of his total income, and He'd have never seen his kid again. But NO, this woman did the judge daily, and thus "earned her place" in the child's life, and my husband is STILL owed over $500,000 in back support, the child was GIVEN to the mother at age 16, when my husband moved out of the USA, WANTING to take his daughter along. SHE TRIED to file against my Disabled HUSBAND's Social Security, and she even tried to attach to the income left to his children with ME, a Russian national ! This is NOT her money, NOT my husbands, it is mine from the life insurance of the death of my mother. And it will be inherited ONLY by our children when i DIE. But no, the USA thinks they have a right to steal money from a RUSSIAN WOMAN, to pay a slut that sleeps with her JUDGE, in order to AVOID her legal debt to pay child support. I get sick of hearing how it is always the MAN at fault. You should understand MOST men love their children, and TRY to be a participating parent. YOU ONLY READ about the deadbeats DADS, never the equal number of deadbeat mothers..

0 0

Neither of my children's bio dads have ever contributed a dime of child support, nor have I depended on the state. I support my children, that's my job as a mother. I knew early on that trying to get child support would only result in anger and frustration that I would pass on to my children - and that's exactly what I'm trying to avoid. It's been hard sometimes, to say that money gets tight is perhaps, the understatement of the year. It's worth it though and it seems fair to me. I get all of the joy from being a parent, I should get all of the responsibility too.

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@ Alinna Savrinskaya I know exactly what you mean! My son's father is a deadbeat, but the mother of his daughter, his first wife, ran off with her crack dealer and slowly stopped all contact with her daughter, never paying child support. You think he would have wanted to be different from her! But I guess there's an honor among thieves and apparently deadbeats alike!

14 8

Alinna I am sorry for your situation. It's pretty unbelievable and yet i know the system is completely biased. We don't hear a lot about deadbeat moms but they are out there. This issue is also complicated by addiction.

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0 4

When you say not in the picture, yes, it's a done deal, take away his rights that he obviously shows no interest in. I just thought since no one else has, I would bring to light the flip side of the coin, for the moms out there that are depriving a child-support paying, interested and involved father of his rights. The father of my 3 year old child has a son from a previous marriage, who is 12. I met the boys' dad when we were both newly divorced and the first son was 7. From the time I met them both, I could see he was a very devoted and committed father (probably one of the main things that attracted me to him) and they were very close. Soon after, the boy's mother decided to move him 1,200 miles away and for the past 6 years she has made it nearly impossible for dad to speak to and see his son regularly, and get the supposed "50/50" joint custody that they agreed upon. Some of you might say "well he needs to tell the court," but put yourself in the absent parent's position. Really all he is trying to do is maintain balance, peace and harmony, but it's a very fine line as you can imagine. Only recently did the older son get a cel phone and now dad calls him every night or two. Before that, the mother would hardly ever answer or return da's attempted phone calls to his son. I, as a mother of a 3 year old boy, do not understand how a mom who truly has the best interest of her child in mind can dismiss the eager and willing good father from being involved. So, I say this to all the women out there who have a willing to be involved father of their child, wanting to be in the picture, who make it difficult and near impossible for the child to have a relationship with their father. I've been there, been separated from my son's dad, and did not an any point enjoy being a single mom, and always new that regardless of what happened with us, he was a good person and good dad. Do what's right. If the father is making an effort and paying support, don't put your own emotional baggage or debt in the way of a child's right to both parents (given it's healthy). Don't use a child to blackmail or punish someone who didn't "pan out" as a husband.

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Unfortunately each state does what it feels is best and they paint all situations with black and white brushes. This needs to change and the parent's who intentionally try to ruin the contact or relationships with the other parents should be punished. The child should come first.

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You are completely right Mychaela. I pushed harder than I had to, to let my ex see my son, and when he just didn't put the effort in, I said eff that, my son is going to these visitations for nothing, we sit in a boring room for a half an hour, then leave because my ex couldn't be bothered to show up. If you want the title of dad, you have to earn it, but if you are trying then in my eyes, that's more than enough. Tell him that he is a good man for working so hard, and for so long to keep a relationship with his son. I know you guys don't know me, but I am proud of him. My boyfriend is that kind of person, and if things don't work out between him and I, we have decided that not only will he have visitation rights to his children (when we're ready to have them) but to our son (who is technically his step son). He is another man willing to do more than he has to because he loves his child. :)

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Ok, first of all, how did she get away with moving out of the state with him if they had 50/50 custody? My ex-husband only wanted my daughter around when it would make him look good or when it would make me feel bad, I'm bipolar and have a panic disorder and he loved to use her to throw me out of whack. He has been married twice since we divorced and both times the new wife has sons around or older than my daughter's age at the times. The first time, her sons made my 8 year old daughter lay down on the ground & take her clothes off, to this day she won't tell me everything & I didn't find out about it until after he was married to the 2nd one. The cops said nothing they could do. I bought her a cell phone to take to her dad's so we could call each other, he took it away from her when she got there because something about God & the Bible. One day while patroling through my daughter internet activities I came across some extremely provacitive pictures of her with the fear of God in her eyes. Needless to say, I refused to let her go back there again. She was 10. Quite some time had passed and I was going to move out of state to be with my family. He was not paying one red cent, never had. He hadn't called, texted, sent a birthday card, nothing. I wasn't even asking for support. Well, he heard I wanted to move and out from under his rock he scrambled. So everybody lawyers up. I cut to the chase, you let us move, you don't have to pay child support ever. Nope, he's going to fight, not for visitation or joint, but for full custody because I'm bipolar. Long story short, I was awarded full legal & physical custody. But he was given liberal visitation even after my daughter testified against him & begged not to ever have to go there again, she was 11 1/2. But he was also ordered to pay $530/mo. in support w/ 1/2 of costs for extra ciricular activities, dental, medical, etc. and I was not allowed to leave the state. 2 DAYS later, I want to give up my rights, I don't want to pay support. I said great! The judge said too bad Charlie, you can't ditch your kid even though I said I would support her myself. So he quit his job and hasn't paid not even a nickel. But I left and overall, my daughter has never been happier, but she's not stupid and she knows why he's not around. I never said a word. Her counselor told me, Grace said her dad doesn't want to see her anymore because he doesn't want to pay child support. We were both just kind of speechless. So, the moral to that long story is do not have kids in Nebraska unless you're 2000% sure you have good parental material in your signaficant other. Because you can get rid of the roaches even with RAID. However, not all ex's are roaches, at least not to their kids and apparently, not all states are as lenient as NE.

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I am actually thinking of this right now too. My sons father hasn't been around since my son was born. Left me in the hospital alone..and we where married. He has other children that he does not take care of at all(I found that out after I left him). Quit his job so that he doesn't have to pay child support. He is now engaged to a new baby momma, living off of her and going down the same path. My son does not know who his father is, and doesn't care. I was doing the supervised visits, then as Donna said, he hung himself. Not showing up, if he did, he was drunk...ect,ect Bringing random girls around trying to take his son out after not showing up for 6 months. The one time I let him take him out, he lost him at the zoo. I found that out from one of the girls he was bragging to. I am so happy I stumbled apon this thread. Its has really helped me see what the next step should be :).

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Once he gets married his new wife will be responsible for his child support payments.

0 20

Yup! I had to pay my husband's child support payments! Our daughter always lived with us until her junior year of high school. Her mother never once paid us a penny and was not involved in her life until her sophomore year. Luckily I only had to pay them for about 4 months and then she graduated high school! Good luck!

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Thanks ladies :) I figured as much. She has other children as well from previous relationships. I'm surprised that she is going along with the marriage knowing that he doesn't pay, and the type of man that he is. He has a few other children that he doesn't pay for or take care of (that he had when he was married to me). I guess it will be a wake up call for her. I just hope that she doesn't start visitation drama. I currently have sole physical custody. Though, it will would be nice to get some money for once.

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Not true. The wives who pay their husband's child support do so because they CHOOSE to do so, and probably do so to keep their husbands out of jail. You are not entitled to her money, as legally it is a debt that he incurred prior to their relationship. My ex-husband paid child support, and was off work for some of that time. I never was responsible for paying any of it, and I DIDN'T, because that's his debt, not mine. He didn't make the payments while unemployed, and did end up owing back support and incurred an outrageous interest rate on it, but I still never paid his monthly payments. His daughter's mother filed for child support when we got engaged, thinking the same thing--that I would pay his support and she would get my money. But, again, legally child support cannot touch the wife of someone who owes. Now, they can relinquish her tax returns, if she does not file as an "injured spouse", but if she files as "injured spouse" they cannot even touch her tax returns. We are now divorced and he does not pay a dime of child support or anything else for my daughter, MAYBE sees her once a month at best and only lives 5 minutes away, deadbeat as far as I am concerned. So please do not think I am saying this to defend him or any of these deadbeat fathers, I am just letting you know the truth behind it, so you are not expecting something or hoping for something you will not get—which in turn will just be yet another let down for you leading to heartbreak. I have been through some very rough times, laid off with mortgage, car notes, and bills to pay, all on my own; while he held two jobs and still didn’t pay support. But still, the best thing we can do as women with children who have deadbeat fathers, is realize that this is our cross to bear, and move forward, as we cannot MAKE a man be a father just as we cannot turn water into wine. Remember, we as mothers would never let our children want for something or suffer for something if he were around or not. So, being mad and bitter with a man does nothing for yourself, or your child, but create a whole lot of negative energy in the atmosphere that is not needed. Life is a hard enough struggle as is. We learn from our experiences and move forward. We cannot teach our children the disappoint and disgust that we hold in our hearts for some men, because I promise you, it will adversely affect the way they view relationships with men in the future and they will suffer from that their whole lives. I have since moved forward and we have been blessed with the most wonderful man in the world, who is a great partner, best friend, provider, and father, not only to his two sons but to my daughter as well. If I held so much bitterness in my heart, I would never have been open enough to accept him in our life, and we would have missed out on something so precious and wonderful. Now my daughter has the opportunity of knowing what a real father is, what a trusting relationship looks like, and what a strong man is, who takes care of his responsibilities and commitments in life...Good luck to you and stay strong.

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i say no unless the father is a molester of some sorts. Some fathers aren't there because of the mothers
can't stand the father or they want to control the man through the child. Most will not agree but i see it everyday.

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0 2

You are right. My husband has a daughter of whom he would love to have visitation to but because of his ex, he cant. she tries to blame it on him that it is this way but I knw for fact it isnt! I have tried everything to get her to let us see his daughter, on her terms even and she ALWAYS fond an excuse to get out of it! Not to mention he is military and deployments sometimes make it hard for them. so any time he did get he cherished with all his heart and he pays a fortune in child support! Its BS! Our system is so screwed up! Lets screw the good parents and let the bad ones have all the rights.

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I definitely agree with you. I too, have a husband who has a child by a woman that has always tried to keep him away. She has done nothing but try to hurt my family, especially me. My husband and I have been together 14 years and married for almost 10. I treat his children as if they are my own because they are. Let's deal with the real issue "the women that can't get over the man". Maybe he wasn't the one you wanted him to be. However that doesn't exclude him from being a wonderful dad.. So, I say to all women move on... I can understand being a little hurt because the relationship did not work, however don't stay there you are only hurting yourself.

0 0

I definitley agree here too, I was in a relationship for 7 years with a man that had two children, their mother made it so so hard for us to get visitation with his kids we had to take HER to court and we were given lots of time with them...if she showed up for us to get them, we even had to meet in a neutral location because she was violent I have never seen a grown man cry before this time, he missed his kids and couldn't do a thing about it, the kids just wanted to see their dad but she made it so hard, always remember there are dads out there that would LOVE to see their kids but sometimes the woman are just so mean and nasty it's basically impossible......

0 0

you are right that's for sure but there are allot that choose not to be there because they only think of themselves like my sons father he has had all the chances in the world to see him he hasn't, he doesn't pay child support, has never once even called just to see how his son is yet the man i am with right now loves my son with all his heart helps pay for everything and then some and is called daddy every day he deserves to adopt him and my sons sperm donor deserves nothing in my eyes, i know men r wronged to as it is happening to my friend who is a father as well not all men deserve to have their rights taken but lots do

0 0

If a father is being made to pay child support, then that means there is a visitation order in place. If the mother is not letting the father have the child for his alotted time, this is interferance with parental custody. With a copy of the court orders this is an arrestable offense. You do not have to wait for a court appointment to inforce a custody agreement as long as it has already been signed by a judge. You can also file with the state and get the standard visitation until you go to court. If you want to see you child, you need to play hard ball.

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thats not always true libby. child support and visitation and custody are two totally seperate issues in a courts eyes. just because you get a child support order does not mean there is a visitation order. also in some states even with a visitation order does not make it a arrestable offense to refuse a visit trust me. when we lived in virginia my husband had a visitation order and when the mom refused he would call the police. when they came they said all they could do was speak with the mom and document her refusial in a report. sometimes she would relent but most times not. they she would make excuses to the judge who gave her chance after chance. finally right before his daughter turned 12 which is the age in va. that courts general pay more attention to a child's choice mom took off and hid from us for 4 years. by the time we found her the damage was done. the sweet kid we knew was now drinking, smoking, doing drugs, and skipping school and wanted no part of dad and his rules when mom had none.

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I think that this is hard, gray area. Neither of my children's bio dads are molesters or even bad guys. My older child's father simply wasn't ready to be a parent, I gave him the option of all in or all out but told him that "at his convenience" wasn't going to be acceptable. He choose out and I left it open for him to change his mind until she was between 3 and 4 and old enough to be asking questions and needing solid answers. The deal has always been that his only obligation was to meet with her once when she was ready and wanted to. My younger child's father has essentially the same deal with the exception of the fact that part of our breakup involved my discovering that he was using street drugs. In his case, he has to agree to drug testing if he wants to see him. There are other reasons besides molestation and abuse to keep a parent out of a child's life, but we have to be sure that it is about what is best for the child, not our own anger, frustration and differences.

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This question is explosive some many comments and difference of opinions . What does this say about men and women who have children together. Women we must stop having children with men , who show us early on they are not that committed to us, or our needs. I love my children they are grown men now, and did it without the help of the fathers. There was abuse and all types of stuff going on in my life. I didn't have my father all the time and wasn't very close to him. I never wanted my children to feel that void in their lives . I couldn't stand the fathers , but they loved the kids and vice versa. I wouldn't do anything that would hurt my child's mental stability. I didn't need the man but kids did. Now that they are grown they have a relationship with their dads, and they were never biased by my feelings. ijs

5 0

My daughter got involved with a dead beat although she didn't think so. His own dad deserted their family, I guess it's in the genes. He kicked my daughter out when she told him she was pregnant. My daughter refused to believe he didn't want her anymore and constantly chased after him. She "won" him back right before their son was born. He was at the hospital for the birth and they all went back to his apartment. Less then 2 weeks later he kicked my daughter and the baby out. She moved back home. We welcomed her and our grandson. My daughter talked about getting a divorce but I guess it was all talk for our sake. Once again she chased this jerk. I believe my daughter must have a mental disorder to continue to love such a man. They are still married. My dauughter and her now 6 month old son live with us. I quit my job to stay home so he didnt' have to go into daycare. We buy all the diapers, wipes, clothes and food etc.. She gets formula free from WIC, and also a friend gives her 2nd hand clothes. This bum of a dad pays NOTHING to support his child. He doesn't have a car so my daughter has to drive to his place with the baby. Paying for gas from her part time job plus what she can borrow from me. I'll never understand why my daughter puts up with this. My mother is so upset that it's making her ill. The entire situation is making me lose my mind. To top it off, this dead beat dad and his mother demand equal time with the baby! My daughter has the nerve to look me in the eyes and tell me that she's the baby's grandmother too. Of all the nerve. This woman didn't even come to my daughter's baby shower. There is now talk of over night visits with the dad and his mom. The idea makes me sick! Most people tell me to mind my own business and let my daughter do what she thinks is right for the baby. I never in a million years thought I'd have this kind of sick drama in my life. I'd love for the dead beat dad to sign over his rights but I know he never will. He'd love to get my daughter and the baby away from me, but neither one of them has the money or the ways and means for that to happen. Not when this grandma and grand pa are the sole supporters of the baby. What a sick life I'm living right now *sob*

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My daughters father threw us both out when she was just 9 weeks old that was after he had beat me up, verbally abused me and spat at me then threw a jug of boiling water at me all while I was holding my baby. I for some strange reason let him visit my mums to see our daughter which he did do a handful of times then that was it nothing. He put a present for her first birthday on my mums front door step then nothing more. I have since found out he is living with an ex and her 5 children and they are now having a baby. My daughterwas 2 last month and has still not seen him since she was 9 weeks old but because I let him have his name on her birth certificate he has the exact same legal rights as me. So if he decided next week next year or in 10 years he wanted to see her he could which I don't think is right at all. If a father doesn't want to b a father why should he have any rights?!

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Because of the abuse, in this case i would say, terminate parental rights. You didn't mention whether he is paying for the daughter you share but my guess is no. He has a lot of children to support. Good luck

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I just think it is so sad to read about these men who just don't give a damn about seeing their kids or paying in anyway. My brother is fighting to get to see his little girl and his ex is doing everything she can to stop him. In the past he has bought nappies for her and paid her petrol which I know to be true as I have been the inbetween person where she used to come for his visits. He has had his problems in the past but he is still her father. I mean even guys in jail have visitation rights so it is so unfair. She is trying so hard to have it all her way which makes me sick. I have a son from a previous relationship who saw his father very regularly and I know from experience how important it was to both my son and his father. Some men definitely don't deserve any rights but sometimes it is just as hard when it is the opposite and men have to fight to see there kids because of negative women you take it in the own hands to punish a man they hate but really they are truly hurting their kids more but just can't see it.

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That's exactly right. It is important to put the kids first. Is it in their best interest to terminate an absent parent's right? In some cases, yes but, in others, especially if they are paying support, no. Father's are not mothers. For some father's payment is taking care of their children and the law will see it that way as well. Many men avoid seeing their child because of the mother. Both parties need to act as the adults and really work towards that goal because you have little ones that are looking up to you. My husband shared a son with his ex-wife but, I consider myself very lucky that they co-parent their son well. One of the things that drew me to him in the first place. Whenever visitation was interrupted temporarily because of a work schedule, for example, my husband would get very cranky missing his son. My husband's dad walked out on his family and threw them into poverty and he is such a good dad in comparison. My point in telling this story is that there are good dads out there too who don't get to see the kids they love because an ex-wife is keeping them from him. It is not good for the children. They need their parents and will always have questions and pain about a parent that was shut out. Please be the adults and do what is best for your children.

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My son is going through this now. he has tried to see his daughter and had three visits the ex took that away lieing to the judge told every body he was never going to see his daughter has been mad at him since there divorce he pays child surpport . A man has no rights any more so yes its wrong and the poor child has to stand it the back ground and watch her rights taken away and can do nothing about it the ex needs to be the one punished but one day she will stand before her God and give acount for her wrongs.

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I so agree with you. That is exactly what is happening with my brother. His ex lies and is not thinking of their little girl. Court is taking such a long time and he hasn't seen her since July. I hope it will all be worth it in the end for him but in the mean time he is missing out on so much.

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I am glad to know someone else is going through what my son has gone through. Rich girl has his baby, then says either marry me or you won't see her. They moved 7 hours away and now she will not meet in the specified location, so all he hears is, "well take her back to court". He can't afford to stay in court, she can so he is stuck. Pays child support, but cna't see his daughter, the system sucks.

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I don't know what state you are in but I have to say in Wisconsin unless YOU prove the father is abusive or mentally unfit there is no way to get sole custody if the father shows up for court. The courts believe it is best for joint custody and it sucks because there are a lot of sperm donors who only show up when it means screwing the mom over again and then they disappear from the rest of the situation.

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Same here, NE it's almost impossible to get rid of the puke bags, the real ones. My ex-husbanded ASKED to give up his rights because he didn't want to pay child support, not that he ever did, or ever will and he only wanted to have my daugher around when it made him look good or when he could hurt me by keeping her. (I have bipolar & a panic disorder so he loved to push my buttons) and I obviously agreed to it. AND they STILL would not let him give up his rights! I've been on here reading how all these moms are just up & taking their kids away and while I agree in many cases it is justified, there are several where it is absolutely not, and it seems like they can just do it. Somebody said it is the kids who pay, that is the complete truth, in both cases. Bad things happened to my daughter at her father's, she told the judge all about them. He still granted liberal visitation...she was terrified to have to go back there. Luckily, when I offered to sign off the child support in exchange for us moving he said yes. But then there are cases like Susan, Shontal, and Janet's and the kids miss out on so much! Child custody is such mess. People will never learn. Every last one of us says, my kid always comes first and they some go and act like all of the people in our different stories.

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Well there is no perfect system but in this case I would say Wisconsin has it right. Joint custody is best if the parties can agree to terms. Most states are heavily biased to mom and ignore the caring dads because of the deadbeat ones.

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Children do grow up, and they have so much negative baggage they carry into their adlult life . To avoid that, don't you think it wise to make an effort to bring as much harmony into their lives as you possibly can ? If he isn't in the picture, than getting him into it may be more of a problem than keeping him out of it. Youngsters often suspect that there is something wrong with them when the parents don't take time to share their lives, and it takes years of therapy to undo the harm. We must show unconditional love , to our offspring, which does not mean we are their best friend. We teach them the meaning of the word NO . We give them guidance and encouragemnt, and keeping the father out of the picture , would I believe be a mistake, unless harm would come because it it .

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I believe with all of my heart that it is ok to strip a father of his rights if he is not in the picture. When I was a little girl my father chose drugs over us kids. So my grandparents got tired of his crap and they decided that he should not have any rights at all. My grandfather pulled a shot gun and made hime sign his rights away. After everything my birth parents did to us it was the best thing. I am very greatful for them loving us and taking care of us, if they weren't around we would have been left with a child molester. I am now 35 and I think back of every bad thing that my father chose to do with his life was stupid and wrong. I believe he had demons that he fought and lost. I only got a few yrs with him and I regret every min. Even when he was in my life he was never there for me. He past away a few yrs ago of cancer never once did he ask for me or his son. He chose his other family. I want to say thank you to all of the mothers out there that choose to keep and love their children I even thank myself. We can't change the past but we can make a great future for our children.So for those dads or mothers that don't want their children your missing out on someone special. Because being a mother has tought me so much that I wouldn't trade them for anything.

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I agree that there are lots of deadbeat moms out there who mess with the father of their children. I think the one thing everyone is forgetting here is that it hurts the children when the other parent is absent. My daughter goes to therapy because she doesn't understand why her "daddy" doesn't want her. I would rather strip him of his rights and deal with him being absent all the time than to have him pop back in occasionally once a year here or there and mess with her head again. I'm sorry if you feel that makes me cold and heartless. I could care less about him one way or the other. He doesn't pay child support so I am doing it all on my own anyway. He has never been part of the decision making process. He does nothing. At least if he was out of the picture completely I could deal with that in therapy instead of the off and on rejection from him.

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i agree with your opinion 100%!

1,355 3

Very well said! There are deadbeat haters on both sides of water. Neither side is worthy of the title mom or dad. Egg or Sperm is how they should be classified. No matter how you slice it, 5 days, 5 weeks, 5 months and/or 5 years from now a child is still going to be without their mom or dad because one of the two of them were selfish and ungrateful and they robbed their own child of the right to grow up knowing that both of their parents loved and wanted them.

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im currently torn on this one. does he pay child support yes after 3 years chasing him but how do you put a price tag on the abandonment of 3 kids?? The games, graduations, plays and so on he never came to. To me he is just that a paycheck not a dad.

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I can agree with you totally. My ex is nothing more than a source of income to keep my kids secure. I have gone through the same stuff.

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Me too. His wages are garnished or he would think of a way not to pay. He doesn't have anything to do with our biological daughters, but he now has temporary (I agreed to this) of our adopted special needs (psychological) child. Why? Because he wants the check received for the special needs child. He is now taking me to court to have his child support reduced, which I fully agree with, but he says he can't provide his tax returns because he hasn't filed yet, but that I have to provide mine. Oh so strange. It's a very time consuming game and I am tired of playing. As it was said before, I am somewhat to blame, I picked this ridiculous man.

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I'm a daughter of a 'absentee' father - last time he saw me i was 9 months old (I'm almost 20 now). I now have an 18 month old daughter who see's my stepfather as her Grumpy (to be honest we both do) ... He chose to leave us because i wasn't a boy so he lost his parental rights and I really don't care now.

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I have a child of whom has a father who has NEVER been in the picture. She is now 16 years of age and it has caused us all a lot of grief. She dont understand why he wouldnt want her and why he dont love her and so on. He does pay child support (if thats what you wanna call it!). However, because of the fact he is an alcoholic, and has never wanted her, I feel he should pay child support first of all, but it dont matter to us because he has never been there. In the case of if my husband wanted to adopt her, because of her bio dad's absence for so long, no, he has no right to deny her a man who wants to be her Dad. I dont think his thoughts or opinions should matter and even if my husband did adopt her, her bio dad should still be forced to pay child support!

In other instances, if the "absent parent" which is a more appropiate term for this article, is a drug addict who just refuses to clean up, an alcoholic, is proven abusive, or something of that nature, then yes. Besides, if that parent is NOT IN THE PICTURE, why should they care? The way the system is set up now, sripping their rights serves no purpose! They get off scott free of any responsibilty of not keeping their pants on! If they are going to strip their rights they should still be ordered to pay support! It IS their child and they should be forced to be responsible regardless! Thats like a 5 year old stabbing and infant and slapping their hand or putting them in the corner if they dont! So, you dont want to be a part of your childs life, fine, but you will still pay for the raising of that child! Thats what is MORALLY right.

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I am also married to man who would LOVE to see his child, but his ex wont let him! So then what? He has no faith in the system as they are raping him in child support and no one seems to give a crap that she has LIED to the system to get that money! So where are his rights? He is an absent parent, but not by his choice!

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Yes - Agreed!

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Shari, if the custodial parent isn't allowing the non-custodial parent to see the child, the non-custodial parent can file an emergency hearing and get the problem solved. It seems like the man you are married to isn't willing to do his part, please don't make excuses for him. I've been there and done that with egg on my face.

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Custodial Moms often make it impossible for non-custodial fathers to see his children. Although "Dead Beat Dad" far out weigh the amount of loving absent Fathers. I have two family member Dads who spent thousands of dollars to get visitation and evil custodial mothers have made their life miserable for both their children and the ex. Let's remember folks, there is two sides to each story. The most important factor is, every child should be able to enjoy both their parents and it's heartbreaking when that doesn't happen!

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Shari -- your husband needs to get a lawyer! What Tonjula said is SO TRUE! If a custody agreement/visitation schedule is in place, then his ex is required to comply with that agreement. Whether she likes it or not. Stop making excuses and blaming the ex. Don't tell me you can't afford an attorney. Most attorneys will take payments; there are free legal clinics and legal aid out there that will help on a sliding scale. Make his child your most important priority!

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In most cases when it is his time to pick the child(ren) up, he can take a law enforcement officer with him and she won't have a choice. If they are not there at the time, then it will be documented by the law. My ex has not seen my girls in 9 out of the 10 years we have been divorced and tries to tell people "I won't LET him see them". He doesn't bother telling them he has never paid child support, much less never attempted to see them. . . . excuses are just that, excuses...

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Tonjula, His daughter lives in another state and child support is in even another state. We cant afford to do this as it would cost us a fortune! Its not that he dont want to fight, it is financial issues. Not to mention shehas made him look like a monster when in fact SHE is the monster! I have dealt with her personally and ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHH! So unless you REALLY know what your talking about, leave it alone. Women usually win in cases like this wether it is right or not. Been doing this a while.

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For all and any who want to make comments, remember this......YOUR NOT IN OUR SHOES! So, keep your negative comments to yourself, I dont need them. Unless you know the FULL aspect of whats going on, you dont know jack. It isnt as easy as you may think. Nor is it cheap! We are not rich. So, unless you ARE an attorney and know the laws for 3 states and can practice in those 3 states for 1 child, leave it alone. This is not why I posted. I dont need your advice. I didnt ask for your advice. I just wanted to share my opinion and thats it.

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@ Heidi, you know little obviously. And No one is making excuses for his ex, they are facts. Plain and simple.

0 0

Unfortunately that is not always the case. Many fathers are not given the same rights. My husband and I fought for 14 years with the system before getting anywhere. If a county is not willing to make your child a priority then you both lose. Please do not put all absent fathers in the "deadbeat" catagory!

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Totally UNTRUE Tonjula! No matter how hard any MALE tries, he is inherently discriminated against in nearly every US State. just TRY to even get a HEARING, you'll wait ti the proverbial hot place freezes. RY to get an attorney to represent you, NONE will defend a man against a woman... as an attorney myself, i saw this every day in the firm i used to represent, we had ORDERS from the partners, "NEVER side with a man against a woman in custody, support or tax case. you CAN'T win"

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Tonjula! Sometimes it is not a very easy process for a father to get access to see his child. My brother is in the process at the moment and hasn't seen his daughter since May now and it is all going through the court at present and we have been told it might take up to a year before it is resolved. So I can understand why some men just give up because it is so frustrating and definitely doesn't make it feel very important when it is not hurried. The mothers who lie and make it as hard as possible because they are thinking of their own hate instead of the child can make it hell for the father and it is so unfair!

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Tonjula, it is not always that simple and you can't begin to judge someone else's local legal system or their experiences with it. My husband had a joint custody agreement with his ex when they first separated and they were separated for 7-8 months when he and I started dating (she had already "married" someone in her pagan church). He fully intended on honoring the agreement and did not change his mind until she gave him no choice. Right before time to file the divorce, she decided she was going to go for sole custody and tell him he had no rights. She tried to control him using the kids with a constant "Do this or else..." attitude. She and the man she had cheated with (her new husband) hid the kids,etc. She got temporary custody due to the court's preference for women. He tried SEVERAL times to get emergency hearings (ONE went through and she lived in a shed with no facilities or running water and couldn't take care of them but got to keep custody) while his children's health and well-being constantly declined. It took almost a year to get the final hearing where he finally got custody. We got his then 8 year old at 27 lbs and having had six months of headlice infestation....his 12 year old was at 72 lbs and also had dealt with extreme headlice infestation. Even through the over 6k in child support he paid in less than a year, the kids constantly came wearing clothing that was far too small, stained or ripped and the oldest child was put through emotional hell for wanting to live with her Daddy. That is just PART of what I watched THIS loving father go through...so I know it isn't exactly easy.

0 2

TY to all of you who have stepped up and told how it really is for the man. We are battleing 3 states for this and she always wins! REGARDLESS of every thing we have treid to do legally, we get screwed by the system! In the case of my daughter, child support has not done ANYTHNG they are suppose to do legally either. CS cases are suppose to reviewed every 4 years. Mine has never been reviewed and I was told it had been by my case worker. I was also told that i didnt have to be present when it was reviewed, that was also a lie! When I called the county it was filed in I found out that for 14 years my case worker did nothing but lie to me and was told there nothing I could do about it. I spoke to more than one attorny to get it resolved and nothing happened. I and my cases are living proof that the system fails! They dont give two shits about the kids or the parents. As far as my husband adopting my daughter, I was told that because he does pay child support, even though some months it is only $4, he HAS to give up his rights for my husband to adopt her. He refuses to give up his rights and has even stated that if the one who wants to adopt her pays him back all the CS he has paid he would give up his rights and I was basically laughed at by the judge. So her dad dont want her, but he dont want anyone else to have her either and the courts seem to think its all a joke. So unless you have thousands, and I mean hundreds of thousands of dollars to fight and pay off judges, dont waste your time. Cut your losses and love your chold with all your heart and soul. When it comes down to it, they are the ones being hurt the most because of the system and POS parents that are to immature to take responibilty.

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Nobody is to blame, it is the choice we women make in men. We think too much with our hearts and not heads. When making a choice, our heads and our hearts should play a 50/50 part in decision making. If you're dating someone and have to wonder if he'll leave you if you get pregnant, then more than likely you're making a wrong decision. With a good guy, you don't need to think as much you know. Sometimes we completely ignore warning signs, so basically we have ourselves to blame.

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another girl with a brain....

1,355 3

I agree with "We think too much with our hearts and not heads." But my "good guy," who everybody in family loved and adored and whispered too one another "it's about time she thought about more than just good looks," cheated on me and broke up our family, because he never really got to have fun. He's been working since he was in 2nd grade (from El Salvador) and raising a family his whole life, I was his 2nd wife and raising his infant son as my own, along with my 2 year old daughter. It has yet to be determined when exactly he started cheating on me, some say he was never faithful to begin with. It's moot now. There were no early warning signs. He was with us all the time, we even worked together for awhile. He treated me with more respect and kindness than I'd ever known. He was a gentleman. We had many talks about blending our families. If one or the other wanted the responsibility of another child. We also talked about trying to get my tubal reversed. So there was no doubt in my mind I had a "good guy." I am not to blame for the break up of my family. He still does his best being a single father with no help financially or otherwise from biomom. Our son has had a hard time with this but he is doing better now. I call him, FB with him, help him with homework over the phone and hopefully I can save enough money to fly him out here for Thanksgiving. My daughter went through enough hell because of her biodad that she never bonded with my husband on the father-daughter level, like I did with "our" son so she is doing ok despite the break-up. In any event, sorry for going on, but your comment kind of pissed me off so I felt the need to spout off my comment too.

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OMG - its amazing reading all your comments!! I am a Mum in the position most men find themselves in when they are prevented from seeing their children. I looked after my children totally and completely, the only one to be involved with EVERY area of their life's. My husband was very controlling and over a period of 20 years ran me down, called me names, humiliated me in front of friends and as a result, I ended up with no confidence, suffering daily anxiety attacks and a shadow of my former self. I couldnt even go on a shopping trip with a friend unless he approved of them and me going - and even then he would phone every half an hour to check on me. I have never given him reason to worry, never been with other men or flirted (always to insecure and lacking in confidence!).

Finally something snapped and after him telling me to move on and find someone else - I had to leave - couldnt cope with him anymore. We agreed that while we sorted things out my boys would stay in there home while I went and stayed with my poorly Dad. Next day he changed the locks on my house and moved out all my stuff. He quickly set about turning the boys against me, filling their heads with lies!!

This happened 2 years ago. I have done everything possible to see my boys. But the closer I get to him the more pressure he puts on my lads to tell me they dont want me in their lives. They are 14 and 12 now. My youngest does everything he can to please his Dad. My eldest keeps getting in touch every few months and then his dad does something to stop him. My ex has firearms galore and reloads his own ammo. He has told me in no uncertain terms he will come out fighting if backed into a corner. I fear for my boys if he is pushed. I have not dragged my boys through court because of the horrible toll it takes on youngsters and how instrusive the system is and the likelyhood that if the boys say they dont want me - to keep him happy - I will have no rights at all. The schools do not contact me with information. I am not allowed to be on the contact list (except for being about 4th on the list). I face a solitary Xmas without them.

It is fine for people to judge and jump to conclusions (my ex chats up females who he thinks are a soft touch and they fall for it and his lies about me_ - they then treat me like dirt or trash!! I cant go shopping for fear of bumping into people and being judged.

Tell me how is this different to the way some Dads are treated and how is it fair!! There is no support for anyone in my situation. My boys have no contact with their Mum and are missing that vital support that only a MUM can give!!

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Trudy stay strong and your boys will eventually come round.... my brother is in exactly the same position as you except my nephew is only 3. Already my ex sister in law is doing her upmost to stop my Brother from seeing him. This is costing him the earth with a 10 hr + round trip to see my nephew for a few hours. The cost of travelling such a distance to a high cost area where hotel and B&B''s are so expensive means he has no money left after this travelling and paying towards his son. She has made up so many lies but left withno warning and didn't even give hime the chance to say goodbye. Not all absent parents have a choice and people shouldn't judge about situations they know nothing about. Again as a mother I can't imagaine being in your position Trudy but stay strong commen sense has to prevail eventually xxx

7 0

Your boys know you love them every day. They are living with a mean-spirited tyrant, who will eventually drive them away. I don't know about laws where you live, but around here once you are 16, you can live anywhere you wish. Your boys may need the brutish dad for now to graduate with their friends? I don't know. If I were you, I would get a consultation with a lawyer as soon as possible. If he thinks your case has merit, perhaps you could put it in any court decision that the dad will pay all legal fees. Don't worry, Trudy. This hellish part of life won't last forever. When these boys grow up, they won't want your ex dictating everything they do. They will want their Mum. When they have children, they will want to bring them home to Mum- not to the dad who tried to destroy their relationships with their own Mum. I believe that, when people are as mean as this dad is, karma will eventually bring them down and also will bring kind people up.

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Oh Trudy, when I started reading this I got a lump in my throat, then tears in my eyes until I finally started to cry. My son will be 18 this October. I haven't seen him since he was 10. His father was very abusive to me also. We split up when my son was about 3 or 4. I was in my early 20's then and was suffering from 2 undiagnosed pyschological disorders. So as much as I'd love to, I can't lay all of the blame on his dad. One night, I was alone and very distraught so I climbed to the top of a bridge to jump. Well, it's fairly obvious that I didn't but at that point I did sign over full custody to my ex. Even though he knew I was never, ever a threat to my son he forced me to have supervised visits with him at a social services place. I only got to see him 2 hours a week. The supervisor didn't understand why I had supv visits, because there was nothing in my file about abuse of any kind. This was not court ordered, this was "I'm a powerful police officer and so is my dad & if you don't do I say, you'll never see your son or the light of day again" ordered. I explained it all to her and she said she was sorry. She joked that now she had an extra hour to catch up on her new book because she didn't have to worry about my son & me. Anyways, I jumped through hopes for a couple more years and I finally got up the courage to ask for regular visitation. I was working and I seemed to be pretty stable, thought I had a good thing going with my first husband, we had just had a baby. (that is another nightmare from hell) Anyways, his answer was if I wanted to play I had to pay. At that time my now ex was self employed, just starting his own home improvement business and I had an office job, making a little above minimum wage. I had to give him almost half of my pay check every 2 weeks. Now, I'm not trying to shirk my responsibility by any means but he is a 15 year veteran police officer and is a leuitenant...needless to making more in a month than I'll make in 6 months. But I was desperate for my son, so I got one weekend a month. All the while his father and family have been bad mouthing me, calling me names, etc in front of my son. He doesn't really know me so what should he think. Well, I'll try to speed things up. We hit a couple of speed bumps thanks to my now ex-husband so my son & I took a couple of steps back. But soon after, I left the bum, my daughter and I got our own little apartment and although very broke, things were looking up. I was working 1 FT & 2 PT jobs to keep up with things. So I was tired all the time. My son was coming over on every other weekend now but it wasn't much fun for him. For starters, I had a hard time staying awake because I worked overnight and then I didn't have all video game consoles & big screen tv's etc. like his dad, no yard or bikes. So he was stuck playing with his little sister. He's about 8 1/2 or so. We muddle through and he didn't come all the time he was supposed to, I didn't force him. I finally found a job that I would be off every other weekend and I would be able to leave early so I could have my Wed visits now too. I couldn't believe it! I knew everything was going to be ok now. I just had to ask his dad if we could switch weekends. So he said no problem. I went to pick my son up (mind you, I have to drive both ways each visit and it is 45 miles) for our first free weekend. He is kind of standing around in his driving like something was bothering him. So I asked him what was going on. He mumbled something about not wanting to come with me. I was like yes! c'mon, ya know, we can go to the zoo, out for pizza....he said nah, no I don't want to go. I said I had to work the next weekend and didn't want to miss out for 3 weeks. That's when he said I meant I don't want to go anymore. His father was off to the side, in ear shot but not in our faces. Of course I tried and failed to encourage him to come, even just for the night and if still wasn't having a good time I'd bring him back. I was at a loss. I was just kind of standing there with, what must have been this goofy, dumbass look on my face, judging from the way I was now being stared at by my son, his father & his wife. The last thing I remember is his dad telling me was, remember who runs this town, if I see you anywhere near here I'll put you where nobody will ever find you. So I got back in my car and left. My daughter was crying because she didn't understand why her big brother wasn't coming. I was trying not puke or breakdown completely and to get us safely home. I called countless times. Once his father actually told me that the reason my son doesn't want to see me anymore was because he had told my son what kind of a lunatic, psycho b**** I really was and that he didn't want to be embarrassed by me anymore. My son told me once that I should never go to his Papa Fred's house. When I asked why he said because he hates you and said he would rather shoot you than look at you, he was like 6. Another day we were all in the car, my son and my now ex-husbands 3 daughters and we drove by the bridge I went up, all of a sudden I hear, Hey! did you guys know that is where my mom tried to kill herself? I think he was 5 then. I've sent cards, letters, emails and FB requests all unanswered, which in a way is an answer itself. So, although our circumstances our different, I'm an absent parent too. Not by law, not by my choice and not out of malice. I pay my child support. But really, I'm just a donor. So I totally feel your pain. I am hopeful for your situation though, it sounds like your oldest will be with you soon. Good luck and God bless!

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Kristi C. I'm so sorry this has happened to U! I know how this is, my 18 yr old has been told several times by her dad how psychotic I am and was. I didn't have much moral support from family so ya she ended up w/her dad and stepmom who abused her so bad, but nothing ever happened. Now she won't even come here, and when she turned 18 in feb. she dropped out of school and well just so many probs. When she was youngers she'd be like I don't want to come bcuz i want to go to a bday party or this or that. I always had probs w/them! And didn't want to make her come, I just wanted her happy, and well I don't think she's really that happy!! Best of luck!

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Stay strong! I am with you 100%. DOmestic violence and domestic control. I understand because it is my story too. My special needs child has gone to live with his father and I have our two other children. He has told the child living with him that if he calls me again, the police will come and take him back to the residential treatment center he went too. What makes these people so angry and hate filled?

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I asked my sons father to sign his rights over when he was very young because of the fact he wasn't there. I also let him know that i would never stop him or any of his family from being there for my son. I also stuck by my word to never put him down for not being there. It was a decision he made and i respected it. As much as i hated my son not having a dad, I would have rathered him have none than have a man who couldnt even take care of himself. My son is now 20 and has a 3 month old son and loves and cares for him more than his dad ever did. Just goes to show us mothers can handle anything that comes our way ..... without a man :)

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I don't believe thats fair, especially if the child has or had a relationship with it's father. Fathers have a role to play whether they or we like it or not!
If the father is inactive he should be encouraged to take a more active role even if its small. If he is a willing father who wants to be involved with his child/ren, then be happy for both of them. Happy parents have happy children and the happier the children the happier te parents...

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Samatha, A couple of key things to point out here, if they don't like the role they have to play, chances are the beginning wasn't too bright and the middle is pretty unstable so before things get worse we'll just get rid of the cast member who doesn't want to be there anyways that way there is a chance the play will have a happy ending. And 2nd key, if he is willing, (and not a detriment) that is the big question, then by all means make way and cooperate. Every child deserves a happy, healthy relationship with each parent.

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My daughter is now 14 years old...When she told me feltlike she did not belong in her dad's home. I caled him up and told him that from now on if he wants to see her her does so on her turf...he stopped seeing her and she didn't mind. No pressure on either....but I had to try at first...

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I am a SINGLE mother of a gorgeous boy that his (DONOR) left us when I was a month and a half preganant. DOES he he have rights? In my eyes HELL NO. He til this day hasnt made the effort to contact us. he made it clear that I could NOT raise a baby on my own ( I was 33 at the time) and that I should get an abortion. I dont believe in abortion. So he left and hasnt been heard of since. and 2 years later...til this day "MY" SON is the best thing that has EVER happen to me. Hes smart and witty, yes hes witty @ 22 months. he laughs and plays and explores and I honestly did NOT know or understand what the term "true love" was or what it meant until the second I laid eyes on a 7lb 15oz 20.5in baby boy named Kristofer Michael, from then on, that was it I was in LOVE. and he ALWAYS can my sad eyes happy and turn my frown around because No one but God graced me with this little Boy and Im proud to call him 'MY' son. The DONOR is NOT even on the birth certificate, he has NO Rights...however im open to hear other opinions and questions...

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that is sad to hear that the father just walked away, im also a single mom with a 4 year old daughter that i love with everything in me, most people also thought i wont make it on my own and i showed them after 2 years and now seeing that im more than okay he regrets everything that happened but im not ready to share my child and im more than fine with just her and me living alone and raising her all by myself, ive tried a serious relationship with a real nice guy that has 3 children of his own and actually pays and sees his children but im just hurt by the one disappointment that im not ready to share my child.

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You are lucky that he walked away before the child was born. I wish I would have left when she was a baby. I don't believe he would have played the head games with her that he has. I think he would have walked away and looked back. Instead he chose to use her to try to manipulate me. So I know you might not feel every day that you are in the best place, but in ways, I wish I would have had your circumstances. Those I could handle and be in control of. Good luck to you and God Bless you and your little boy!

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I believe there comes a time that severing rights is appropriate. I personally have not gone that route, my reason being, let sleeping dogs sleep. I went through enough abuse during the marriage and during the divorce. Several restraining orders, horrendous lies stated about me in court documents which were PROVEN to be lies. Yet somehow, HIS family blamed me. It seems to be a trend when a man runs out on his kid to blame the mother, "she must be difficult". When their are drug tests proving meth use, threats to hospitals, 911 calls telling them to buy a baby coffin, and then telling people that he was going to kill me, he still was given supervised visits twice a week. They were hit and miss for 2 years and then just completly stopped. And still, it was blamed on me by his entire family. The people who I continued to send pictures of my son to, who I continued to call and ask to come visit my son, and the people who also abanoned him. My ex lives miles away, never calls, never sends birthday cards, never emails, and never returns any calls when I have left messages informing him of yet another hospitalization for our son who has an incurable disease. So I have to say, for me, any man who truly wants to be in his childs life will move Heaven and Earth to be there. If he is in another state, he will move. He will prove to his child that they are the top priority. I wish I had my ex to be there for my son. My poor kid told me today, "Mom I love you more than anyone. I love you more than the Ninja Turtles and even more than my real dad." When I asked him why he replied, "cause you see me everyday and he just never comes". It broke my heart into a thousand pieces. The damage of an absent father is already starting to show in my 5yr old baby boy. That is the true injustice!

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Yes! My son hasnt seen his father since he was 3 months. I have him on child support and he hasnt done supervised visitation yet my son wasn't even a year when we went to court. He is 20 months now..he recently got engaged and moved out of state with her and her son! Took my son off his insurance and put his fiance and her son on it... Ive been dating a wonderful man that took my son in as his own since for the last year 1/2 and never looked back! His bio has brought up giving up rights everytime he can't get what he wants when he wants!..they try to be sneaky (him and his mother/family)...this momma ain't having it!! My son doesn't know him and don't take kindly to any strangersh!

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I say YES. If they then want back in the child's life they have to earn those rights back. My son's father disowned both of us when I told him I was pregnant and has refused contact ever since. There is no way I would let him just waltz back in to my son's life. He will have to prove himself if he is serious about having a relationship with my son in the future.

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First of all absentee fathers will hang themselves. first give him limited supervised visits with a counselor to evaluate his interaction with your child or children. Drug testing and alchol testing if apply. Set up strict visitation rules such as a time when to pick-up or lose his time. Home time or loss his next visit. Dates made must be kept and if not make arrangements for him not to be available when father visits. This sets the tone for them to either abide by the rules or he losses. Most dead beat fathers will either hang thenselves this way or they will be come parents and becomes more involved with your child or children. Now always send him a calender of all activities and document when it is sent, keep everything on tape or documented into a file. Phone calls, times and person you spoke with. Gudelines are set to make the parents better parents. Now as the other part of the parent sinario you mut not use him as a baby sitter or a drop off. Sometimes it gets to easy to call and have him babysit. That sets your child up to be disapointed as if a parent is not ready to keep a child they often take out there feeling on a child. Now if the Father changes and wants to be part of the family then he meets the guidelines and then he is allowed the privaledge of being a parent and a father. Now the Fathers whoa re good fathers will say this is one sided but I have used this system and it works. The Father didn't comply, nor ddid the mother. They both regret not being there for thier children. If they couldn't comply then they probally didn't need to be around the children anyway. Just a great grand parent who has raised 1 daughter, 2 step sons, 8 grandchildren and raised one grand son and his sister joint custody. Also help with 4 great grand children. Been there and done that.

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I believe it takes two to tango and the parents should share the costs of the child half and half. I have always wondered why the courts just gave what they felt was good enough to the custodial parent. I was wondering what other parents' thoughts were on the subject but hear (or read in this case) me out. If a parent (be they dad or mom) wants or needs child support, they should be reimbursed for NECESSARY things the child needs. I know my hubby's ex uses her child support to go get her nails done. If the custodial parent saves reciepts for diapers, child care, or whatever the child needs, they should be reimbursed for half of it. If a parent needs the money in advance, they should merely show proof of the cost of the item or service, then after the purchase, show the proof of the purchase. I know it would be a bit complicated but it would be a more fair way to do child support. I am in the middle of a child support dispute as well. I actually don't want anything from him, except his promise to stay out of our lives. I have been forced into this crap by the state. My children have a wonderful dad. It takes only a sperm donor to be considered a father, but a real man to be a dad.

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i too have recently been forced into the child support issue by the state. i've never done it before so he's going to owe 8 yrs of child support. i do agree everything should be fifty-fifty, but the courts don't see it that way and they never will. they will never check on what child support money is actually spent on (re:getting nails done, ridiculous!). unfortunately, that's just they way it is. i too only want to make sure he will stay out of my sons life, as he has a great daddy too, but i have to wait and see how this is all going to turn out. i will fight hard if he tries to get any kind of parental rights, i won't let my sons head be messed with because he may want to get back at me. which would be the only reason he would even try, he's a very vengful person. i hope your case goes the way it should, good luck! and see how the judge feels about your fifty-fifty theory, maybe he will actually agree with you! :)

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Wait one dang minute.......just stop and really think about this. Why should the parent receiving the support prove to the absent parent what they are spending the money on? Yes I admit some women misappropriate funds but most don't. My child support was never enough, it did not include the cost of summer camp, dance classes, hair appointments, doctor visits, time lost from work because of a sick child or anything like that. Child support did not cover HALF of my mortgage, light bill, phone or food (these things were used by/for the child also). So if i choose to get my nails done that doesnt mean the support is covering my personal expenses. The custodial parent is forever putting out money well in advance of any support payment. Think about it.

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I agree Tracie. Even though I am also wishing the state to accept our mutual request for termination, whereas I am not asking for a penny just that he stays out, for good and he is totally on board, the judge denied it. But I would say 9 times out 10, at least in my circle of friends and aquiantances (sp?), that the child support is never enough to cover half of the expenses. Aside from that, you can't put a fair price tag on everything the custodial parent does for a child that an absent parent doesn't even think about, let alone care or stress about. We have a huge emotional and time investment in our children. Absent parents don't and in these cases here that's for the best, but either way, generally the absent parent gets off pretty easy. When I say absent, I mean absent...I don't mean dads with visitation or 50/50 parents where the kids live with mom most of the time or dads that are getting screwed by their vindictive ex's. I'm talking the guys and gals that should be snipped and clipped just as a public service to future generations of children who want both of their parents present beyond conception. Was that too rude?

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I really don't think it is a good to strip a father of his rights, even if he's not in the picture. Reason: Because sometimes it isn't the fathers fault, sometimes the Mothers have other ideas, and then hello, the father comes home from work, and suddenly there's no one home, all packed up and left.
Fathers don't have many choices about what happens to there Child/ Children, they just have to go with whatever is happening at that time. So yea, i think the Dads get the raw end of the Deal. Well that's my opinion anyway.

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NO. Its not right. Men are perfectly capable of being a good father but not a good mate. For the most part, you have to weigh your options. There are too many children that have fathers that DONT want to be a part of their lives, why contribute to that number? Let the men be fathers!! My two boys WISH they had their dad in their lives...unfortunately he didn't want to be.

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I think it's all circumstantial!! I have a son who is almost 11 who has not seen his dad since he was almost 2. He walked out of our lives and didn't give his son a second thought until he decided he missed him about 6 months later...for a 2 yr old .. .six months is a long time..when my son came back from his visit it took several days for him to settle down...It was difficult on him... so when my sons father showed no interest in having a scheduled set visitation with him.. and just wanted to come in and out of my sons life whenever it was convenient for him.. I told him to take me to court and get scheduled visitation rights..He never did.. never called .. never came by. I think that was the best decision I made for my son!! It is NOT about the rights of his father..It's about what's BEST for the child!! I refuse to have my son be screwed up for a lifetime because his father is running in and out of his life leaving him with emotional damage.. He is much better off without knowing who his donor is!! My son asks me about his dad every once in a while now.. I never deprive him of information, I don't talk freely of his father but I always answer his questions, only matter of factly, I never speak negatively about his father to him, although he is the one person on this earth I loathe the most.. But I am doing what is best for my son.. and when he is 18 yrs old and wants to seek out his father.. that's his right to and he will be old enough to understand what type of man his father is and make his own judgements. IT IS NOT ABOUT THE FATHER'S RIGHTS..IT'S ABOUT WHAT IS BEST FOR THE CHILD!!

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You are absolutely correct in that it is what is best for the child....NOT about a sperm donor's rights-they have none! Men who do not take responsibility for their child by paying child support and showing an interest in them by spending quality time with them and ACTING like a parent-not just a sperm donor who only wants to show up at their convenience-usually just to try to INCONVENIENCE the child's mother just for spite-only damage the CHILD! The child's rights to a decent parent who will love and care for them should be the focus-not the absent parent's right to be in the picture when they are too immature and irresponsible to provide for a child that they brought into the world. Too bad there isn't a stringent test required to get a liscense to be a parent. It might be a better world out there if there were.

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I have to share my testimony to the world because i don't know who it might be helpful to. My name is Mrs sabine from Chicago am 25 years old i got married at the age of 23 i have only one child and i was living happily .After one year of my marriage my husband behavior became so strange and i don’t really understand what was going on, he packed out of the house to another woman i love him so much that i never dream’s of losing him, i try my possible best to make sure that my husband get back to me but all to no avail, i cry and cry seeking for help, i discussed it with my best friend Allix and she promise to help me. She told me of a man called DR LAWAL KERIM, she told me he is a very great man and a real man that can be trusted and there is nothing concerning love issues he cannot solve and she told me how he has help countless number of people in restoring their relationship. I was really convince, I quickly contacted his email address at Dr.lawalkerim@outlook.com . I explain all my problem to him, he told me that i should not worry that all my problems will be solved immediately. He told me what to do to get my husband back and i did, he said after 3days my husband will come back to me and start begging, and it really happen as he said, i was very surprise, this is so amazing. To God be the glory our relationship is now very tight and we both live happily again. If you having similar problem, Contact him now(Dr.lawalkerim@outlook.com) or call is mobile number +2347061066172, and get your problem solve once and for all. i am a living testimony to it. 1) If you want your ex back. (2) if you always have bad dreams. (3) You want to be promoted in your office. (4) You want women/men to run after you. (5) If you want a child. (6) You want to be rich. (7) You want to tie your husband/wife to be yours forever. (8) If you need financial assistance. (9) How you been scammed and you want to recover you lost money. (10)if you want to stop your divorce. (11)if you want to divorce your husband. (12)if you want your wishes to be granted. once again the email address is dr.lawalkerim@outlook.com contact him immediately.

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some fathers are not the sperm donor they really want to be apart of the childs life

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What if the father wants to be in the picture but is not allowed to be by an ex-wife or ex-girlfriend? Should his rights be "stripped"? My husband's children are adults now but he fought for years to see and be part of his children's life. We could purchase two automobiles with the money we spent fighting for this right. When I read this, I could not help but wonder if there are vindictive women who would take away a father's rights out of spite. I realize many men do walk away but there are men in the population who desire to be fathers and their rights are taken away too. Shame on those moms.

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My husband has a daughter prior to our son being born his daughters mom won't let us see her at all he pays child support and everthing his daughter is his world we haven't seen her in two yrs her mom calls an makes promises for us to see her but never follows through she calls his job to try and get him fired and everything we Just want to spend time with her.... We went to file visitation rights but nothing has came back yet and that was in June .... What should we do?

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She made treats to strip him of his rights but y do that to someone who wants to be there? She even goes to court to upgrade his child support because he won't sign his right over

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I am a mother of a 16.5 yr old daughter and 12 yr old son. Their father walked out of their lives a year ago. He pays child support only because he is in the military. He will not take their phone calls ....nothing.he actually screamed at my daughter a few months ago to quit calling if the only thing she and her brother wanted was to see him. He is in violation of a court order for this. I would love to take his rights away but I won't. Someday he will feel guilty and want a relationship with these children and then they can decide on their terms what kind of relationship they want with him. Do I think some of the people who have posted on here should heck yea..... my children are lucky enough to have plenty of male role models that treat them better than their bio.

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You are an awesome mother!!!

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Thank you! It has been rough he and I were married for almost 15 years when I filed for divorce. He has since remarried (past July) and his new wife wants him to cut all ties with his previous life. My children don't understand why their father doesn't want them. It has been a rough year for my children. I am there for them and always will be. Like I said some day he will regret this decision.

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I have always wondered what type of woman makes a man choose between them or his children. The thought is just sickening! Worse is how does the "MAN" go for this type of ultimatum? Kick the wench to the curb and keep it moving. I wish a man would say some dumb crap like that to me!!!

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You go kick somebody's ass, girl! Woot-Woot! All the men I've ever known would have bitch slapped me 3 times and made me kiss my own ass before sending me on my way for trying to suggest such a vile thing! Come to think of it, I, myself, would bitch slap me 3 times if that thought ever occured to me. Alright, I'm getting a little carried away...it's 4am and I haven't had any sleep since sometime the other day. lol My point is that your point is right on the money!

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I definately think it is ok. If a man doesn't understand the joy of being a parent, to hell with him! No child should ever have to wait and see if their parent "remembers" to pick them up. If the man has no rights, there's no confusion of what's expected of him.

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I have 2 boys by 2 different FATHERS...yes, I can only imagine what everyone is saying...but, you know what...don't judge!
My oldest is 14 1/2 years old & the last time his Father seen him was when he was 4 yrs. old....He is supposed to pay child support...DON'T. Has had PLENTY of chances to PROVE HIMSELF...FAILS & yet...Still FAILS!
My second son is 12 years old & his Father walked out of our lives & said to hell with the kid...I ran into him one time & the only thing he said was...."What's up? When we gonna hook up again? What did you do with that kid?"
You tell me...Should Fathers like that be stripped of their rights?! They are a disgrace to MEN/FATHERS! I have an AMAZING man in my life...has been there 10 years & would love to adopt my boys...he can my youngest cause that one vanished/more or less signed off...My oldest son...wants nothing to do with his & wishes he would sign off! But, he is being inconsiderate & will not.
So, help me out...How do I get him to sign off completely, seeings how he wants nothing to do with my son anyways...or rather pay his child support. I cannot afford a lawyer...it so sucks! : (
Thank you & Good Luck & God Bless all Single parents out there raising kids without the other, on your own or with someone that has STEPPED UP to be the REAL MAN/WOMAN in these kids lives!!

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Depending on how much it is worth to you and if what I'm understanding is correct, have you offered to write off his back due child support? That's what would have worked for mine but the judge said no, he wouldn't allow him to abandon his child because he doesn't want to support her, even though I said, I got this! However, my judge did say he would consider it, if there was someone willing to adopt her and accept full responsibility for her. I believe you said your current boyfriend wants to adopt him right. Although, I'm thinking unless you guys are married that won't work. There are a lot of attornies who don't charge for an initial consultation. I would look for one of them and set up an appointment. Explain your situation and ask them what steps you need to take to get bio terminated and/or have your current man adopt. Write everything down so you can do everything they said. Ask them if they know any places that help people who can't afford a lawyer or if they accept payments, anything that could help reduce the financial burden. Then start saving your money while you get your ducks in a row. Good luck!

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I agree that it depends on the situation. In my case, I was pregnant at 16 and broke up with the bio father during my pregnancy. I was working fast food and going to school (and graduated with my class, thank you very much) and he did nothing but be a mooch. He came to the hospital when my daughter was one day old and that was it. He never saw her again, never bought one single thing for her, never gave any money or help. For a while, I tried to get help from him but then after a while, I quit trying.
I met my future husband when my daughter was only 5 months old and we got married 3 years later. He's been her daddy all along. We found out that you have to post it in the paper for a certain time frame and show that you tried to get in touch with the biological father. In our state, after 7 years the biological father is considered to not have rights if there's been no attempt on his part.
My husband did finally adopt her but it was only after the decision was made between the two of them. I didn't want to influence that because it was up to him to be her daddy and I wanted to know for sure that she wanted him to officially be her daddy. When she was 18, her bio father tried to contact her on myspace. Little did he realize but she wanted nothing to do with him and she told me right away. I told him that he couldn't just show up once she was an adult and that if he wanted to have anything to do with her, he'd have to come up with 18 years worth of back child support. Never heard from him again.
If a man truly wants to be a part of their child's life, they can make it happen. But if they're not, and it's not because of circumstances beyond their control, they don't have the right to call themselves a dad.

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A father that has no desire to be part of his child/children's lives absolutely has no rights.

However, I feel as if too many children are already born into a mess. Is is right to walk away from your child and responsibilities as a parent, absolutely not. As women we have the ultimate power to recreate life, we must treat conceiving a child as a precious gift to be guarded with all our might. The person we decide to share this gift with should be sound, loving, caring and READY to take on the responsibilities. We control who we decide to have children with, not them.

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There you go!!! A girl with a brain!!!

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my thoughts r that he don't exsist,to me or the boys ,fuckin dead beat piece of shit

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i actually would love some advice for my situation.. Im about to be a young mom, my ex an i found out i was pregnant last may and he begged me to get an abortion up and down, never wanted our baby, i told him i was a package deal and if he wanted to leave i wouldnt hold him to anything. he then swore up and down he was going to be there for us because he wanted to be with me, not because of the baby... he then moved out west to work in the oil feilds to make money for "us" (havent seen a dime). a couple days later a woman text me off his phone and i found out he had bin cheating on me so i ended things with him. he then harassed me and would say anything to hurt me. ie. not his kid, im a sl*t.. u name it. it got to the point where i told him it was my baby not our baby. he started dating a new girl and hid the fact that he had got me pregnant etc. meanwhile he was living with MY DAD(who i no longer talk to btw). blocked me from being able to contact him on fb etc. therefore we hadnt talked in months so i have prepared myself to do this alone with support of my family. he then randomly messages me saying he has just as much right to custody as i do. im just not sure how to effectively handle this situation. im not willing to hand my baby over to somebody who manipulated me when we were together, was emotionally abusive to me(screamed at me F**k you over and over and when i went to leave he layed down behind my car so i couldnt). i did offer him at one point supervised visitation until he could prove himself to be responsible enough to care for a child and he couldnt care less about my offer at the time.

Im pretty sure he just randomly does this to me to upset me because then id ont hear from him for months after the fact. and i dont think he has as much right as i do to custody because really in my eyes he moved out west to run away, if he really moved there to support us i think he wouldve bin sending money instead of cheating on me while im here sick as a dog dealing with pregnancy. i had to move back home with my parents and quit one of my jobs to be able to support a baby. i have had to change every aspect of my life, which i dont mind doing, im extatic for my son to arrive! but i just dont think he has a right.

i know of someone putting "unknown" for the father in the birth certificate, and im not sure if thats the best route for me to go or what to do? HELP!

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Since he has been doing this to you make sure that you have proof of everything just incase he decides he wants to do anything legal or illegal. Put your last name on the birth certifcate. Get ahold of a laywer find out everything you can do on your end to make sure he can't hurt you in any way.Also go to your Attorney General if you want child support. As for you dad I can't believe what he is doing to you he should be ashamed of himself for not supporting you.

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but if i get child support wont i have to give visitation being he isnt a felon or anything? my son is definutly getting my lastname. and i definutly dont speak to my dad anymore or anything. he has and always will be a dead beat father and i think thats why im also so protective my son doesnt have to go through the same experiences iv gone through!

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Don't put his name on the birth certificate. THEN it is up to him to pay for a paternity test and take it to court to get rights. I wouldn't, however, deny him seeing the child and proving himself with supervised visits. Without him being on the birth certificate, he'll have to comply and it is considered kidnapping if he takes your child. I do believe if he is willing to be a good father, he should be transitioned in but he sounds very destructive and dangerous. Getting child support requires you and him admitting he's the father and would actually leave the same scenario open as putting his name on the birth certificate. Child support is a legal order decided in court and enough proof for many places for him to get away with taking the child. Visitation is a sep. court hearing and considered sep. from child support (in other words, if he doesn't pay and he's ordered visitation, his visits aren't decided by how well he complies with child support). Honestly I believe MOST men and women should have joint custody but there are some cases, such as yours, where the fear factor is too high when it comes to the child's safety. If he loves the child and isn't just trying to hurt you, he'll comply and do what it takes to be there for the first year before pressing his rights to be on equal footing. Stability is what a court will see as well.

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I LIKE TO THINK OF THIS QUESTION BACKWARDS, BECAUSE MEN ALWAYS GET THE BAD RAP. MY EX DAUGHTER IN LAW IS NOT REALLY IN THE PICTURE AND IS ABUSIVE TO MY GRANDDAUGHTER. SHE SHOULD HAVE HER RIGHTS TERMINATED BUT THE LAWS ALWAYS WANT TO REUNITE THE CHILD WITH THE MOTHER...WHEN SHE GETS OLDER AND UNDERSTANDS THIS WHOLE MESS AND WANTS TO RE MEET HER MOTHER ( IF WE FINALLY WIN CUSTODY )ITS NO PROBLEM FOR US. I FEEL THAT PEOPLE MAKE HORRENDOUS MISTAKES BUT ULTIMATELY IT SHOULD BE UP TO THE CHILD IF THEY FEEL THEY WANT TO BE IN THAT PARENTS LIFE LATER IN LIFE. RIGHT SHOULD BE STRIPPED IF ABUSE, AND NEGLECT ARE PRESENT..NOT JUST FOR BEING ABSENT.

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That's a real hard one. It would depend on each circumstance. Just because an ex-wife doesn't want him in their lives, then NO ! If the father just doesn't pay any attention, I think yes!

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my daughter was born and her biological fathe rhas not been there sincei told him iw as pregnant hes not even on the birth certificate . he knows he has a child doesnt even knnow if its a boy or girl. i know where he is i just refuse to chase him cause thats what he wantas me to do and im not.

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If the fathe is not in the picture at all, yes, he should lose his rights. But if the father is there and the mother is keeping the child from the father only because he is not with her anymore, no, the father should not lose his rights, if anything, the mother should give the child to the father since she is keeping them apart. If the father wants to be a part of his child's life but the mother or her new boyfriend is trying to keep them apart, there should be a way for him to stay in his child's like regardless of what they say.

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If he is not in the picture get rid of him coz he doesnt deserve it, a father cares, provides and is there for the family doesnt matter if he is a biological or adopted father..

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How do you strip a bio father of his rights because he has never been there? I need lawyer advice? Steps to take? I am in GA. Thanks

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I seem to think that men expect to be at the head of the family home, dominating us, and let rip roar, if it wasn't their decision. Just like the system, man, women dog. That a man will run or attack. And then there are good people and bad people, ie mental issues, stemming from how they are raised, and what the times were like in the past. I believe a bad person is bad for us all and should be avoided. By bad, I mean injurously harmful (dangerous). Most people are good and bad. I don't really know about sheltering and protecting children when young. I know I dont like lies to say it didnt happen when it did. I really think something should come before the police and convictions in a dispute or upset, and also, maybe we should have a whole family with a psychiatrist and therapists to explain each other to each other, because we are all so different. Perhaps more time should be invested in people and our families.

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Am send a great Thank You, Thank You to a very great spell lady. Yes I'm a regular with this woman and that's why you see lots of feedback ratings from me to her. I never knew nothing of this spell up until my ex broke up with me leaving me frustrated with life, then a close friend gave me info about a spell lady who helped him to get back his job, he said many things about this spell lady and how powerful she is. I contacted this spell lady on her email priestessifaa@yahoo.com not having an idea of how things work, I chatted and talked over the phone just to be sure of what am about to do. But i was very confuse and skeptical though i was heart broken. To cut the long story short, the spell lady did spell that worked for me in 2days. My lover came back to me and begged never to cheat or ever hurt me again. It looks as if i was dreaming and never wanted to wakeup but it was so real. This spell lady is great as my friend said; trust me. But the only way you will know for your self is by calling or emailing on her and seeing for yourself. One thing though is if you are facing life struggle and difficulties, you would do anything to get out of it just like i did. The only reason I genitally contacted this spell lady was because I liked what friend were saying about her. They were all right on with what I found out too. This is not a sales pitch, but what can I say; she is good. her email is priestessifaa@yahoo.com. Bonhof

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Am send a great Thank You, Thank You to a very great spell lady. Yes I'm a regular with this woman and that's why you see lots of feedback ratings from me to her. I never knew nothing of this spell up until my ex broke up with me leaving me frustrated with life, then a close friend gave me info about a spell lady who helped him to get back his job, he said many things about this spell lady and how powerful she is. I contacted this spell lady on her email priestessifaa@yahoo.com not having an idea of how things work, I chatted and talked over the phone just to be sure of what am about to do. But i was very confuse and skeptical though i was heart broken. To cut the long story short, the spell lady did spell that worked for me in 2days. My lover came back to me and begged never to cheat or ever hurt me again. It looks as if i was dreaming and never wanted to wakeup but it was so real. This spell lady is great as my friend said; trust me. But the only way you will know for your self is by calling or emailing on her and seeing for yourself. One thing though is if you are facing life struggle and difficulties, you would do anything to get out of it just like i did. The only reason I genitally contacted this spell lady was because I liked what friend were saying about her. They were all right on with what I found out too. This is not a sales pitch, but what can I say; she is good. her email is priestessifaa@yahoo.com. Bonhof

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My Sons ex is pregnant 8 months the hole thing has been a nightmare with her. first she left and went back to NSW as she was seeing her ex the hole time then she come back and was still seeing the ex behind my sons back then he is the dad then he isn't the dad she just keeps on dagling this carrot in his face not fare she was doing drugs the whole time and he was trying to get her off since she has left him agane to go back to the ex she has gone back to nsw and hooked up with 2 other guys and now sending mess saying sorry your not the father people like her don't deserve to be a mother

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