Should there be separate rules for each of your children?

Different kids may need to be treated differently, but does that mean they should have totally separate rules? How do you handle that?

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14  Answers

7 21

I believe that the basic expectations regarding responsiblity and accountability need to be the same; but ACTUAL expectations (for tasks/chores, talents/abilities/grades, etc), the form(s) of discipline, AND the kind(s) of rewards need to be tailor-made for each child.

3 14

Rules should be applied according to age group, abilities, and ciricumstances.

0 31

In my opinion, no. All of my kids follow the same rules and have the same rules. However, the discipline is different with each child. What works with one of my boys, who are 6 and 7, may not work with my 16 year old daughter.

90 6

No! I believe that all children (in the same household) should have to follow the same rules. However, I do believe that how you discipline them should be tailored to the individual child. While I do have 3 boys, what works for one may not work for the other.

0 21

No, children should follow the same set of rules but the way you discipline may need to be different as all children learn differently.

15 20

personally i think all kids should have the same rules. yes all kids are diff and you may have to adjust somethings in disapline and such to fit the child. but the basic foundation should be the same across the board. my husband and several of my family members get into this disagreement all the time with me. when i was younger i wasnt allowed to do some of the things my brother did cuz hes a boy and im a girl and personally i think thats rediculous. i understand the point they make on the fact that boys can defend them selves better against an attacker and stuff like that. just as an example if my daughter cant go to a concert when shes older cuz shes a girl then my son shouldnt get to either. . im not gonna tell my daughter she cant do something because shes a girl. so if i dont think its safe enough for her to do then why is it safe enough for my son to do. does that make sense. i could go on and on about this. i get heated everytime someone brings this topic

2,093 0

I completely agree that rules should be applied according to age group, abilities, and circumstances. We teach our children not to blindly follow rules, but to really think and do what makes sense.

99 6

Rules are my house, they do not change for an individual. Consequences are of equal severity based on whatever the infraction is ...but different for each child. Some kids do not respond to this or that but do respond to other things. I just make sure the punishment always fits the crime.

23 0

I think I have been extremely lucky with all of my children. They never differed from each other too much. I did have a problem with my five year old though. Corey has ADHD, so I always have to keep an eye on him. I just make sure that he gets plenty of time to exercise, as that really helps his energy levels. I try to be fair to all my children, so chore wise they all get the same amount of work, the easiest going to the younger kids of course. I just think that having the same applied rules makes is easier for kids to behave, and makes it more of a fair system in the fact that another child doesn't get treated any more special than the next.

32 31

I think the basic rules like doing chores, going to school, being respectful etc, should apply to all children in the house, but there are deffinatly times when different rules apply to different children. Teenagers are going to have more freedoms (and responsibilities) than preschoolers. I have in my family one son who has been in trouble with the law and hangs out with "the wrong crowd", who has had his freedoms severely limited; my other son (who is younger) is allowed to go places and do things because I can trust him to be were he says etc. It wouldn't be right to punish him because of the mistakes his brother made. My 10 year old daughter is not allowed to go to the store or the park with out a least one friend with her, but this rule does not apply to her teenaged brothers.
Is that considered different rules for different kids, I geuss it depends on how you look at it.

32 31

when the boys were younger I made them go out in pairs as well, but they always had each other so it was easier. (adding this because of those boy vs girl comments)

166 0

All three of my kids have the same basic rules, but each of them have their own rules and chores also. They also get disciplined the same, but it differs by their ages as far as the length of punishment

973 44

Basic rules should be the same. When there is a large age gap, they may vary a little. I might let my 13 y/o stay up a little later than my 6 y/o. He can go places and do things she can't. When she is his age, those same rules that apply to him now will apply to her. He also has more chores/responsibilities than her. My basic rule for both of them is you have to take care of your responsibilites before you can have your privileges.

Now, I agree with Amy. My dad was a lot stricter on me than my brothers. They are quite a bit older than me, but when I became a teenager, I always argued that he let them do____. His argument would be that its safer for boys. Girls are more likely to get attacked, etc. I feel if something isn't safe for my daughter (or won't be), then my SS probably shouldn't be allowed to do that either.

21 110

The children know it? Separate rules, news to me, but I'm from parents who were born in the early 1900s. We were all treated equally and obeyed all rules. Especially if Daddy set them.

2 20

I fully believe that in a perfect world each individual , child or adult, would have their circumstances conform as much as possible to their individual needs, which I believe vary widely. That is the only
way life could be fair. But, as we all know and have to teach our children, achingly, gradually, life is not fair, and we have to cherish every moment anyway; it's the Human Condition, right? In the "real world", where we actually live, society cannot handle the burden of such broad boundaries, so we have to make rules, regulations, and laws. People must conform socially to expected standards or be removed from society...Sad but true... Schools are societal institutions and must make some guidelines, of course, but in our families, and, as much as possible in our schools, where groups are still relatively small, compared to later in life, I think it is ideal to individualize children's schedules and our expectations and treatment of them.


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