What to do if your teen is sneaking out

Generally, moms set curfews for their teens' safety and well-being, so it isn't just frustrating but downright alarming for moms to discover that their teens are sneaking out at night! Moms, what are some surefire tips to handle teens who aren't respecting the household rules about curfew?

33  Answers

2 8

When my son broke curfew the 1st time, I was HOT and beyond disappointed. I'm happy to say, it was the first and LAST time he did so. When he was not in the house at midnight, as agreed upon, I locked my doors - even the door entrance into the house through the garage (typically left open because who feels like fumbling with a key). He called and said the door was locked. I told him I know. He said he needed to get in, he was tired. I told him this wan't a Holiday Inn and under NO circumstances was he coming into my house when he felt like it. He slept in his truck outside in the driveway. That was the last I had to deal with that. He never snuck out of the house because our alarm system beeps anytime a window goes up or down, a door opens or closes. The specific tone lets us know if it's a door or a window. Not to mention, after that 1st issue, I'm sure he had NO clue what I might come up with after that.

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4 19

You're very lucky, he stayed there. What would you have done if he didn't, and you had no idea where he went? The next communication might not have been one you wanted. I would surely thank my higher being, that he is alive and well.

12 16

Good for you like that idea

0 48

HIGH FIVE to you momma for remaining to be the ADULT in your home! I would have done the same thing and the next morning I would taken those truck keys! Some parents need to stop trying to be their child's friend and all that time out crap. Get that butt! Lay down rules that have a punishment attached to it if broken and when it's broken enforce the punishment. People always ask me "how did you get your boys to be so mannerable, so well behaved?" I'll tell you how - BECAUSE I AM THE PARENT AND NOT THEIR FRIEND! I was just telling my 12 year old the other day that we can't be friends until he is about 30 years old! I'm grateful to my own parents but especially my mom because she payed the law down and let it be known the choice was mine to obey or not. But, should I make the wrong choice she wld have to enforce the rules and punishments. Today I'm 34 years old. We have been the very best of friends for the past 5 or 6 years. Even though I was married and grown she still took care of business.

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Melanie a parent has to set boundrues and have consequences it thos boundries are crossed.The idea of "tough love" has been around since I was a teenager and that is what Nedra used and as you can see it was successful. The reason kids walk all over their parents these days is because everyone is walking around in fear. Nedra obviously knows her son well enough to know he wouldn't do anything stupid. She did what waqs needed. Kudos to you Nedra.

0 0

my 13yr old has been sneaking out in the middle of the night while my household is asleep. He already was caught once n grounded. But we just found out he has been doing this for quite sometime. I flipped out n grounded him again. I dont know how else to get thru to him.

12 0

lol.....you remind me too much of my mother....and for those who say what if he moved....i surely would stay put knowing my parents and how they raised me because who knows maybe i go somewhere else when she locked the doors and never be allowed back in the house

0 0

It think your a bitch for not letting him in. They need freedom you cunt

0 0

If I was locked out there is no way in hell im going to sleep in a truck. Either I'm going over a friends house or I'm going to New York City. Your very lucky ur son didn't leave

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12 25

Fortunately ours haven't snuck out, they've only been out past curfew or left their approved location without telling us. We treat these offenses in the same manner as if they did sneak out. First, it's a "FAMILY" affair. All are involved, If one of our teens isn't where they are supposed to be, the whole house gets to wake up & we start discussing possible locations & friends to call. We'll call & text the teen's phone & if they don't immediately respond, I start calling the parents of their friends asking if they've seen ours. (usually their friends will then get upset with them).

Once we find them, we begin with the discussion that if something had happened to them or us, we wouldn't have known where to contact them or get them help. We ask what they would do if they were the parent & we were the offending child. Sometimes their punishment is stiffer than what we were thinking & we go with theirs.

Generally we have a policy of an "electronics black out" for offenses. We confiscate all devices that are electronic & they aren't allowed to borrow or use any electronics for a specified time frame (starts with 2 weeks). No cell phone, no TV, no ipod, no radio, no computer. They are only allowed to ask for special permission to use a computer for homework & must be in front of us. They are grounded & when not in school or bed, must spend their time in our kitchen or backyard. They are not allowed to sleep through the grounding. When they earn the privileges back, We escort them everywhere for at least a week. Electronic devices aren't allowed back into bedrooms until they've proven they can respect us. They only get to use in common family areas.

There is a curfew where we live so if they are driving after 10pm & before 5am, the police will pull them over & call us. In some areas, the curfew is 9pm & the curfew's apply to anyone under 21. So they can't even be out walking at night without risk of arrest.

We've told our teens that if they sneak out, they will no longer get their own room, instead, they will get to sleep on a mat in my room (with mom) indefinitely.

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14 0

o_o You sound like a huge bitch. Have fun when your kids hate you. So glad my mom has never treated me like this.

0 0

Sherry Nunya-your comment was very mean. I thought this site was for Moms to help each other. I agree with Patty and I don't see her as being a "bitch" at all. Why do women constantly attack each other? Not productive at all

0 0

Patty those are some fantastic ideas! Your kids will know how much you love them because you care enough to give them boundaries. Don't listen to the negative voices...moms need to stick together with love & support as parenting is the toughest job there is!

12 0

yes sherry her kids might hate her....but in a few years when they're in college with a good job earning lots of money and there friends are pregnant they will love her endlessly

0 0

I really agree with sherry, all your punishments are extremely and I wouldn't be suprised if your kids do genuinely hate you.and mekaila, going to extremes to punish your kids for things all kids do now a days is extremely stupid and has nothing to do with whether or not a child goes to college. They're more then likely only going to want to go to college to get away from you all.

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Well done Patty. At last someone with sense. You have given me a few strategies to use here. Thank you.

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Well your a bitch

0 9

We are not here to be Best buddies w/ our Kids!! We are here to protect, discipline, & love them. And teach them how to Respect us & their boundaries. The sooner a parent learns this, the better! Thanks for giving me some great~ ideas!! The Bible even says you "hate" your Child if you do not discipline them!! Wow huh!!

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2 1

When I discovered that my son was sneaking out of the house, I called his cell and asked where he was. When he came home, I grounded him for a month and made it crystal clear that he is not to sneak out. When he became an adult, he said that my approach was what made him stop going down a destructive path. It made him realize that I cared about him and that he needed to be held accountable. When I first gave him his punishment, I had no idea if it was going to work or if he would just become more rebellious. I was lucky...

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First of all this is not cater to your kids... s ok she did what she felt wa sc necessary. .. it comes back on them for being disobedient

0 0

Are you kidding?!?! If I was your son I would have run away and slept at a friends house. You are obviously a sick person if you think locking your child out of the house would help him see that you are trying to do whats best for him. HAVENT YOU EVER HEARD OF LETTING CHILDREN LIVE THEIR LIVES. After all, we only live once and you are going to ruin it for your poor son.

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Poor fellow, he was living life with no regrets and you ruined it

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11 20

My cousin used to sneak out all the time. She would climb out her window in the middle of the night and sneak back in before the sun came up. When my aunt uncle found out she was doing this, they didn't say anything to her, they just waited for her to sneak out again, then my uncle got into her bed and when she snuck back in, and went to get in bed. As she did, he said something like , "good morning," which scared her to death. I don't remember what consequences they gave her, but I thought that was a great way to let her know he was busted. My oldest is 13, so I haven't had to deal with any of my kids sneaking out, but I have noticed that if the consequence doesn't make them a little miserable, then it usually won't help to change the behavior. Losing what they value most at the time is usually most effective with my kids. They usually lose their privilege to use the computer, TV, or iPad, which to them is quite horrible. And depending on what they have done wrong, they may also get extra chores to do. Good luck!

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Wow, you're a dickhead who doesn't respect he children

235 30

When I found out my then 18 year old daughter had snuck out her bedroom window over to a boy's house, a boy she'd been dating, we grounded her for a month. We took away her car, her cell phone, computer time, t.v. time and her dad wouldn't let her wear makeup. The only way friends were allowed to contact her was on the house phone, where she'd be out in the open and everyone could hear her conversations. She was furious, but she accepted the punishment and it was long enough to for this boy to lose interest in her and for her to see his true colors. A few months later we found out he had gotten a girl pregnant and then our daughter really saw what he was all about and was thankful we had been "hard" on her. Apparently she had done it at least once before, before we caught her. Before this incident if any of our daughters came home late for curfew they only received one week of grounding, but any sneaking out or lying about where they've been carries a more severe punishment. We've also taken off their bedroom door before and they got it back when they earned out trust back. The one who snuck out is now married so I guess what we did worked with her.

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i understand your concern but your punishment was over the top and ridiculous. she's 18 which is an adult, if she's old enough to have a car she is old enough to decide where and what she does regardless of your concern. i have never not agreed with anything more on this site!

0 0

Wow, you're a bitch

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7 0

There are a lot of reasons why a teenager disobeys the wishes of a parent. The one that eclipses all the others is basic disrespect for the parent. Now, this doesn't mean the teenager is the only one at fault, because if you look at the history of the relationships within the family, you will generally find a lack of respect flowing from the parents as well. Respect flows all ways: top-down, bottom-up, and side-to-side. So if you see a child being disrespectful of or to a parent, this is an issue that needs to be resolved years before the child grows into a teenager. Once the teenager has formed the habit of disrespect, it is not an easy thing to reverse. In fact, unless the teenager can see an advantage in changing their behaviour, it's not going to happen without major resistance.
Just saying to your teenager that they need to stay indoors for their own safety and well-being is only going to work if outside is obviously a dangerous place - like a war zone. This doesn't happen in most Western neighbourhoods (thankfully), but it doesn't help the parent or the teenager find a common ground.
If your teenager wants to be treated like an adult, then they need to learn how to behave like one. And it is better if their parents teach them, rather than some celebrity or "guru" who may have another agenda. So, invite your teenager to have a kitchen table meeting and, especially if there are younger siblings, set the ground rules right from the start. These include such things as not interrupting when someone else is speaking; perhaps having a 1 or 2 minute timeframe to speak what's on your mind; reminding everyone present that it is an open forum where all subjects are valid and open to discussion; the discussion can be animated, but should never be heated or angry; all questions and answers are to be treated with dignity and respect; and only truthful answers are acceptable.
Try it once, see how you go, and be prepared (as a parent) to face some tough questions. You can start it off by inviting your teenager to ask you a question - any question - and you will do your best to answer it as simply and as truthfully as you can. If no questions are forthcoming, then start the conversation by reminiscing about when you were a teenager and relating a story when you felt you were in the right and your parents were wrong. Just think of something that can start off the conversation because that is what you are trying to do here. Communication is the key - and honest communication is the essence. Your teenager will appreciate honesty and respect coming from the parent, and will be more prepared to reciprocate. Let's face it, we all love our kids and only want the best for them, but that doesn't necessarily mean we KNOW what's best for them. That is their journey in life.
Kerri Yarsley: The Instruction Manual for Kids - Parent's Edition (Amazon)

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You spend time on this shit? What the actual fuck is wrong with you. Let your kids have peace!

7 32

My kids are just now getting to the age where they might start doing things like that. My advice is to let your teen sneak out then when you discover them you call the police and report them missing. Once you get the police involved then when they do come home you can have the police come and talk with them. This might scare them once they find out what can happen to them. Call your local police dept to find out what procedures are done to teen who run away or who are reported missing. find out the consequences for this action! Sometimes getting this can get their attention. If they continue to be defiant then you may check into sending them someplace for a while like a juvenile detention center.

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Are you willing to pay the ticket they'll receive for breaking curfew? I'm not sure what the laws are for your community, but where I live, you get ticketed when your child breaks curfew.

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If I call the police and alert them that my child has ran away or is missing then that gets me off hook as to just my cnild be out with friends or driving around hanging out having fun. This way the police knows that I do not know where they are at. I have worked with juvenile children through my degree in social work. My brother as a young child and as an adult and my step son have been through these juvenile behaviors.. Its sad that kids and adults go through these behaviors without thinking of the consequences it has on them and the people who take care of them.

0 20

wow!! calling the police gets YOU off the hook...nice thinking of yourself and all....but do u know the consequences of YOUR actions? calling the police could get them to a juvenile detention center, is this what you would like you child to grow accustom to, are you looking forward to sundays at the state pen? or better yet they could take them off your hands all together and put them in state custody, where someone told you what you could or could not do with your own children. i believe there is an underlying problem that would need to be addressed. and if they're all out just a bad seed, then by all means call the law, put them where they belong. but if they're good kids dont turn them bad, be a parent and get to the bottom of the problem.....

0 0

if my parents did that to me, id say hey, you dont pay me, so, heres the 250 dollar fine

1 15

Phoning the police doesn't work in my case when my 16 year old son sneaks out after his curfew which is 10pm sun-thurs and fri-sat it is 1am.by the way he has snuck out again tonight.i can guess where he's gone.

0 0

Children are young and make mistakes. It is absolutely unnecessary to call the police. The police have more important issues to deal with then your child doing something almost every teenager will do once in their lives. A more suitable approach would be to discuss why your child would feel the need to do something like sneak out. Punish by grounding them and taking their phones for a selected period of time. As for sending them to a juvenile detention centre I have nothing to say about from that is absolutely ridiculous.

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23 15

My daughter is just now old enough for this to be a concern. I have my house on closed circuit monitors along with my drive, I also have GPS on the car she will be driving and also on her phone. Someone in another post mentioned communication, and I totally agree with that concept too. As long as my daughter tells me the truth then I am actually reasonable with her but lie one time and it will be hard to earn that trust back.

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sometime the more a parent says no without giving the reason the more it seems a child or teen will want to do it,I think being very specific about why not to do something helps.explaining the results of teen pregnancy and the responsibility,explain the results of no education,and the rewards of careful planning life,Explain consequences ,how they effect not just one person but others.explain laws,and also explain the adverse reactions of drugs,harmful inhalants,and even prescription drugs taken without it being theirs or as prescribed ,explain jail,child support,care of a child.very low wages and hard no where jobs,I think that maybe kids do things often without thinking or realizing the consequences or results.small children should also have explanations of the reason behind no,is for safety and why.and than they may listen to you when they realize its for their well being.

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235 30

Again I think that all of those things should be discussed regularly with children as part of good parenting. However even with all of that some children just don't listen whether they just think their parents are fuddy duddies or they just have to learn for themselves the hard way. Kids are immature and they lack impulse control because their frontal lobes are still developing into their early 20's. So some children more than others lack the abiltiy to think before they act. Then some children are good while they're at home and as soon as they're on their own away from mom and dad, everything parents have said goes out the window and they do things they know aren't good, but left on their own they see no big deal about staying up all night etc.

2 4

true,but still some kids do respond and listen to a explained no better,and thank you later in life.there is no perfect answer.

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1 15

address the reasons why the child "sneaks" 1. Are they normally honest, and if not, why??
2. Is there something negative going on in home that makes the child want to leave?
3. Is the parent honest most of the time?
4. Have you talked about what "horrible" things that could to the child while they out ....

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5. Make trusting each other important and praise and/or reward honesty and tell them that being able to respect/trust someone you love makes life easier.

235 30

These are good questions to ask, but I think when this question was posted, it's assumed that you're a good parent doing all the right things you should as a parent and what if your child is still sneaking out of the house? Children can be normally honest, but if they want to do something that they know their parents will say no to or disapprove of they will sneak to do it. Also some children by nature have to learn things the hard way. You can talk until you're blue in the face about what horrible things go on in the world during the night and they won't listen until they personally experience it themselves. It breaks your heart as a parent, but short of locking your child up, there is only so much you can do because people even children have free agency. They are free to choose for themselves, but as I constantly remind my children, we are not free to choose the consequences of our actions. Those come natually based on the choices we make. Definitely a reward system for good behavior is always a good idea. Especially with children who don't care about consequences. They need incentive to behave well. Some people call it bribery for doing what they should be doing anyway, but I say whatever works and keeps your family happy and your children safe is a good thing.

4 0

My daughter told me she was getting together with a friend, lied and went out with a guy without my permission. I could see where she was from my location app. She was not far from my house. She eventually called me, I had given her a time to come back. She called me back at that time saying she was coming home and I told her 'you lied to me'. Then she did not want to come home. I was really sick so I told her to come home. Eventually she came home at 11 because of curfew in the city. I grounded her a couple of days and now she wants to go out with the guy again today. I am still upset at what she did but I am thinking that she introduces him to me, I will let her. Unfortunately, she is not doing well at school and sometimes skips, which also is an issue. What would you do?

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0 0

Seriously? I saw this question and had to answer. Anyway, I'm a 17 year old male teenager so maybe my perspective could shed some light on this topic. What fuels me to be rebellious is my mom, she constantly is snooping through my room, finding stuff that's not supposed to be there, like food and drinks (that's not the worst of it) and she continually punishes me for it. I'm VERY stubborn, most teenagers are, but I'm also understanding, I can at least admit that I'm stubborn. So when my mom punishes me, I don't wise up and stop, I continue. That's what teenagers do. If you have a disobedient teenager, the best thing to do is be understanding of them, give less punishments and let them make the choice. After all, they're going to be doing everything on their own, well....most likely, in just a few more years. Why would you restrict them? Does a mother bird disallow her babies to fly? Just talk to your kid instead of punishing them. Who knows, maybe if you talk to them they could persuade you and change your opinion. If they don't respect your reasoning then why the hell would they accept your punishments?

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0 0

My mom does this too and it's annoying I swear..

0 0

My 15 year old daughter was caught sneaking out of the house just last week. I took away everything she had and she will not be getting it back because this is the second time she has broken my trust. She is boy crazy, so I also told her no more dating period until I feel she is emotionally responsible enough, which will be when she is about 30 I am guessing. She has been in her room for 5 days now, not eating or drinking hardly anything. I am ashamed to say I did some snooping and found her diary, I was very disturbed at what I found, she obviously has serious self-esteem issues going on. She wrote about running away but then wrote she would not do that because she knows I would be very sad. I am at a loss as to what I am supposed to do, the first issue that arose about a year ago involved trying counseling, that did not work, she refused to talk to the person. I know this too shall pass, but the meantime is what is killing me. I have talked with her dad and told him she needs more of that male presence in her life, because she is obviously starving for attention from a male. So this is where I am at for right now, please send prayers for my daughter. I want her to see the beautiful individual that she is.

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Anne -it sounds like we have some of the same issues...my girls' dad hasn't seen them in 7 years and my 13 year old snuck out two nights ago to meet up with a boy who is 16! I am at a complete loss...but have reached out to her best friend's mom who is going to try and talk to her. Sometimes teens need to hear things from someone else the like & respect but don't listen to everyday. I certainly don't have all the answers...but have an understanding ear if you need one. 😊

0 0

This saddens me. My daughter is the same age and has been sneaking out for a while. I have busted her a few times but i cant imagine how many times shes done it and not gotten busted. I feel that maybe her relationship with her Dad is not the best as well. and the sad part is that hes in the home. So how do i make him wanna take interest in her. She is also boy crazy. Its do hard because we love them so much but i just dont know what to do. Did i mention she is the oldest of 5 children.

0 0

I'm in same boat. I punish but her dad lets her get away with everything so she stays with him. breaks my heart. Boy crazy and likes much older boys Help

0 0

Just going through this and it's so heartbreaking! We are very loving, involved parents and don't understand this at all. I sure hope your daughter has matured in the last. Four years since this post.

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31 1

Times are different from what they were when my husband and I were growing up. I snuck out and my dad just turned my bedroom light on and went back to bed. I knew that I had been busted as soon as I got home and saw the light. He didn't need to punish me because I spent that sleepless night worrying about my punishment. But a lot of children don't get the point. And life is so much scarier now than it was then. I think that my kids understand, they are mature for their ages and have more common sense than we did at their ages. My husband was a wild child and was constantly in trouble and none of the punishments worked, he still did it all. He was raised by a single mom, I can't imagine how difficult that is. But, we discuss things with our children. I think that they understand what could happen and why we would be concerned about them if we don't know where they are. We watch a lot of Criminal Minds and shows like that and we talk about what we would do in certain situations. So, I guess, that is my advice. Communicate with your children about everything. Why they need to stay out so late, where they will be, who they are with, etc. There were no cell phones when I was growing up, so I really don't see any excuse for not calling. (And texting isn't good enough because that could be anyone texting, I want to hear their voice.) My husband and I pay for the phone for that reason, we want to be able to get a hold of them at any time.

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The only bad thing with cell phones though is unless you are tracking them using the GPS, they could be anywhere, but saying they are somewhere else and you wouldn't know. I do agree though that communication is good and hopefully they are listening so you can trust your kids are where they say they are.

31 1

That is true, and I don't even think of things like that. But my husband already has the trackers on their phones.

31 1

My daughter and I saw an episode of Criminal Minds and these girls were abducted. The kidnapper had been texting their parents so they didn't even know that they were kidnapped until it was too late. My daughter and I discussed that and it helped to show her the importance of open communication. That her dad and I just want to know where she is and what she is doing to keep her safe. We want to know where to look for her, etc. It really does help to have those kind of conversations. She could see the parent's point of view easier than if I just tell her. And she wants to be safe. We know that we can't protect her 100%, but it helps for her to have a good attitude about it.

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hi I'm meera wall i want tu to sneek out and cilly in my moms ....home

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well unlike your ungodly children my kids are angel. I don't even need to set a curfew and they are downright amazing. If they do, they'll burn in hell for disobeying the rules of god. I understand that could be a bit harsh, BUT ITS THE TRUTH. so little tip for all you mothers out there. Don't be a sucky child razor. My kids are so sweet, smart, and innocent. And they are all at the top of their classes.

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I actually have a question for moms. So a few weeks ago, I snuck out (I'm 16f) and got into some trouble with the police. I was out past curfew and got into a car accident. I know, It was very dumb of me, and I didn't even tell y'all the worst part. Anyways. She took my phone, permanently, after she read all my texts. A lot was discussed in said messages. I love her with all my heart and soul but I don't know how to deal with her anger and not knowing what to do with me. I have issues as well, we plan to finally get me some help soon. I don't want to have my mom not love me anymore or not give a crap anymore or not have the relationship we once had, never exist ever again, because I decided to do a lot of dumb stuff as a teenager. What can I do right now to help our relationship get better?

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I'm not sure if you will see this, and I'm a little sad that no one has responded! But, here it goes. Respect. You may not always agree with your mom, but she is really trying to do what is best for you. You have no clue what lies in the darkness past your window, and in today's society it's way worse then it has ever been. Her fear of the possibility that she will never see you again (being abducted, killed, etc) drives her to take extra precautions to keep you safe. Outside of the house and away from her she cannot help you. Respect her rules. Respect her love for you. And respect her heart. Don't lie to her. Don't break her rules. They are there to keep you safe and to teach you how to follow rules when you are out on your own. Without structure you will not make it. This world is not all rainbows and butterflies my dear. You are a good kid, just based on your post here I can tell. You want to have a better relationship with her. So. Just have one. Trust her. Talk to her. Be nice to her. And for once in your teenage years, don't think you know it all, or have all the right answers. Because, if she doesn't, you can't possibly. But her experience and knowledge far outweigh yours, and that alone should be enough to follow her lead and let her raise you. Good luck.

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Why are these posts so old?

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I think it's funny all of this communicate stuff people are talking about. I just caught my 15 year old sneaking off the balcony, while I was awake and when she came back she told me instead of taking her phone I need to communicate with her. She tried to make me feel bad telling mei never communicate I only yell, which is a lie a totally hurtful. All I do is try and communicate with her. I talk and explain and talk and explain, I yell after I've tried communicating and she's mean and manipulative. So to avoid yelling I have recently just stopped the conversation when she starts to manipulate, so that I don't yell. I think some kids will learn quickly and respect their parents and others will not. She knows I have single parent guilt and uses it every chance she gets. At this point I'm done talking and getting used and walked all over by her. I feel the only way to be is harsh at this point. I haven't been the best at following through with punishments because she'll manipulate me out of it but this is going to be a harsh reality for the both of us. What a sad state it is when a child makes a parent feel bad for trying to be a parent. Be it keeping a room clean or doing homework. They've become harsh and cruel and make us feel bad. She got bugs in her room from hidden food but huffs and rolls her eyes at me when I tell her to remove old food. This is hard, I'm alone, and obviously struggling. Prayers for the daughter who hadn't left her room in 5 days because of a punishment. I hope she and all the other teens realize how painful it is for the parents when the act like our guidance is what makes them depressed and angry.

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My daughter is Pissed at me and wants me off her back she's been go out late and ganging out with the wrong crowd . How do I talk to her so she stops behavior and sees that she's doing

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Im in a bind..i work graveyard shift..my daughter waits til im at work and her dad is in bed and about 2am we get a call from the cops saysing they have my daughter and she is up to no good...its starting to become once a week..last week a field fire..this week a stolen car..my back up car but non the less stolen..i have grounded her and taken all electronic known to her..told her she will end up in jail if she keeps leading this path..it just seems not to sink in..i have tried a lot from medications to physiology for her..im such a worried mom desperate for advice.

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Your daughter sounds like my step daughter. she went to visit her mom this weekend and snuck out...with older boys she is 14 partying. Her answer is always I dont know why I did it...even made dummies in the bed...she ended up home by 12:30 the next day. The stress ot causes the parents is unreal. I use it as lesson examples for my other two kids who see it all...They luckily for me stay home and dont do stuff like this (knock on wood hope they dont). We really dont know what to do. we have done counseling , meds , she has been in patient too. under investigation for what could have been worse dealing with meeting people she doesnt know. She has been lucky so far but we are waiting for a call from police with she is dead, jail... hoping never pregnant. Its so much stress we just feel desperate like u and dad has,spanked her for trying to hit us forst spanking since she was 5 and cps came to our door after we told the psych he spanked her a kid that sees drs weekly. If you are taking your kid for help weekly to multiple drs you arent an abuser...it was dropped thankfully but still a psychologist should know better. She has authoritative disorder...Im scared for her future! Prayers and luck

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when i go asleep i have to put my alarm on because that way she cant go out at night because the first time she didnt know and then she got in big trouble by her dad now she knows and she then after that we found out that she had a boyfriend and then we found out her bf was smoking weed with her and then it was daytime they came coming in snogging and then they went up the stairs snogging then when they got in her bed they got nakid infront of us and started having sex next thing we found out that my daughter was preagnent because they had sex from morning noon to night and then she had the baby and then the boyfriend killed my dauhter and the baby terrible !

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Im having this problem and feel like Ive tried everything. Some people say its a teenage thing, but i dont like it and worry so much. Cant sleep because im worried shes gonna sneak out. What do i do?

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Go to bed love you night ;)

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When I was about 16, I snuck out and my mom found out. She ended up calling my dad who found out where I was due to the fact he knew my 4 closest friends. He had ended up calling the boy I was with and telling him that he would call the cops if he didn't have me home in an hour...it was about 11:30 when he said that. Needless to say I was grounded for a month and that scared the boy away. I am 30 now and realize that what my parents did was right, they sat me down the next day and told me that they were just very worried about me and my safety. Just do why you believe is right.

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Of course call the police and if there caught, hopefully it will scare them to not do it agian. I was raised by my brother in law and his wife, I didn't sneak out but I would always tell them I was at my friend megans house but I was really somewhere else. After lying about my whereabouts for so long, at the age 16 my family thought the best place for me to go is a GROUP HOME and even though I was angry and thought my family didn't love me, I knew it was the best for me in the long run. so while I was in the group home, I learned the 12 steps to independent living once I'm 18 and on my own. I finished high school with a 3.8 GPA and worked full time.

I am now 40 years old and have no complaints when it comes to my family doing the right thing and giving me the best care and making good choices for my well being. I am very grateful for my sister and brother in law for looking out for me. I'm a stay home mom and good roll model for my daughter with a loving husband and father too. I hope this positive letter can help moms out there that may need it for their family.-Gretchen M

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My 13 year old daughter was caught sneaking out for the first time the other night at a friends house. They met a couple of boys at the high school. The school alarm went off and luckily her friends dad followed them and got them out of there. I've tried explaining the dangers of it all and the long term consequences but all I get is "I'm not stupid mom". And she reminds me that I used to do the same things when I was her age. But things were different when and where I grew up. I didn't have to worry about never being seen again, unless a bear or mountain lion got me.
So as it is now, I have taken her cell phone and she is grounded for a month.

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Nail the window shut after they leave out. If you sneak out, you stay out!!

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My Mom tied bells on my brother's bedroom window screens, then she could hear him....lol

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I planted a rose bush and cactus plants under my boys windows if they wanted out badly enough they had to work for it. Glad to say though my boys never broke curfew, the penalties were too harsh, if they had broken the rules they had to either ride the bus to school(because their trucks were parked) or have mommy take them to school and take them to the door.

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I have two boys that use to sneek out after curfew. one night I caught them sneking back in and the next day I took them to the police and they got a very stern tounge lashing. it stopped them from doing it again

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IF, my daughter got caught sneaking out, it would be the only time she would do it because there wouldn't be a next time due to the fact that security bars would immediately be placed over her window, along with an alarm system that warns me she has opened her window...something she would be totally unaware. She would also be so worn out from performing community service 10 - 12 hours a day, going to bed at 8 p.m. and getting up around 4:30 a.m. or so. Fill her tummy with a healthy breakfast, send her with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and a bottle full of green tea. She wouldn't do anything else without my express consent, and if you don't think I wouldn't make it happen, then you don't know what I'm capable of. BUT, because I'm raising her right to begin with, this would never happen, and I can, without a doubt, say NEVER and know I mean it. I say what I mean and I mean what I say.

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A lot of parents raise their children right, including us, but children will be tempted to do things they shouldn't and when they get to a certain age learn to get around our rules if they want to bad enough. It's not that they are bad kids. It's a natural part of growing up to test the limits and try to gain more independence from mom and dad. They aren't mature enough to see the danger in their actions. Thinking it will never happen to you is naive unless you are with your child 24/7 and most parents I know aren't.

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My experience is that if U tell a teenager no, they will find a way to do it! Usually a little more freedom will prevent their abusing the freedom they already have. As a mediator, both sides must give a little. Since teenagers won't give too much, it is up to the parent to give the most. Curfew in most states are laws, this is really where the problem lies. At least allow them to stay out till the law says they need to be in, but possibly they could be "in", just not at home. Is this feasible for you? The element of "doin wrong", is so inticing at this age, let them think, they are sorta' doin wrong, then the thrill is gone. Soon they won't want to because if it is not "wrong", it loses it's appeal.

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Wow!!! this is a big one. I didn't have touble with my teenagers sneaking out pass curfew, I had trouble with them coming home on time or not coming home at all until the next day. I do know there has to be consequences for not obeying the household rules. It depend on how old the teenager is and taking away privilages and things they like to do. Say for example, if they have a car they drive, take the car keys until they start respecting the household rules.
What about the computer, dvd player, blue-ray player or X-box and games? You could take these items and lock them away until he or she stops sneaking out. If this doesn't work, you might have to get outside help like counseling.

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So, is it always necessary to punish? Consequences come without having freedoms takin away.

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Having freedoms taken away IS the natural consequence of not obeying rules. If not the consequences could be your child's death or them being seriously hurt at the least or winding up in jail. Do you really want those things to happen for you and your child to learn?

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Driveway alarm and take the car away or disable it. I told my teens who are now young adultts they have not thought of anything that I have'nt already done so good luck getting away with something.

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I was a single mom, and felt overwhelmed at times when my daughter would do things I didn't approve of. Tonight, I was reading a devotional from "Walk The Talk", and I wanted to share this with you-I think this is a good thing to share with a teenager: Excerpted from The Power of Discipline by Brian Tracy Why are some people more successful than others? Why do some people make more money, live happier lives and accomplish much more in the same number of years than the great majority? I started out in life with few advantages. I did not graduate from high school. I worked at menial jobs. I had limited education, limited skills and a limited future. And then I began asking, "Why are some people more successful than others?" This question changed my life. Over the years, I have read thousands of books and articles on the subjects of success and achievement. It seems that the reasons for these accomplishments have been discussed and written about for more than two thousand years, in every conceivable way. One quality that most philosophers, teachers and experts agree on is the importance of self-discipline. As Al Tomsik summarized it years ago, "Success is tons of discipline." Some years ago, I attended a conference in Washington. It was the lunch break and I was eating at a nearby food fair. The area was crowded and I sat down at the last open table by myself, even though it was a table for four. A few minutes later, an older gentleman and a younger woman who was his assistant came along carrying trays of food, obviously looking for a place to sit. With plenty of room at my table, I immediately arose and invited the older gentleman to join me. He was hesitant, but I insisted. Finally, thanking me as he sat down, we began to chat over lunch. It turned out that his name was Kop Kopmeyer. As it happened, I immediately knew who he was. He was a legend in the field of success and achievement. Kop Kopmeyer had written four large books, each of which contained 250 success principles that he had derived from more than fifty years of research and study. I had read all four books from cover to cover, more than once. After we had chatted for awhile, I asked him the question that many people in this situation would ask, "Of all the one thousand success principles that you have discovered, which do you think is the most important?" He smiled at me with a twinkle in his eye, as if he had been asked this question many times, and replied, without hesitating, "The most important success principle of all was stated by Thomas Huxley many years ago. He said, "Do what you should do, when you should do it, whether you feel like it or not." He went on to say, "There are 999 other success principles that I have found in my reading and experience, but without self-discipline, none of them work." Self-discipline is the key to personal greatness. It is the magic quality that opens all doors for you, and makes everything else possible. With self-discipline, the average person can rise as far and as fast as as his talents and intelligence can take him.

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Just want to respond to the fact that you have already done what they can think up. Really, were you exposed to meth labs in the back of pick-up trucks? The times they are a changin.

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There have always been drugs Melanie, whether it was morphine in the early days or LSD, PCP, acid, uppers, downers, sniffing glue, pot, cocaine, heroin etc. of my day or the huffing, GHB, X, Crystal Meth, Oxy etc. of today. So while there may be new drugs that our kids are exposed to, most of us parents were exposed to plenty of drugs and some may have tried them and would know the signs if their children were doing something like that. So the only thing that's changed are the specific drugs. The situations are not all that different than what we had to face. I would just say there are more ways to get to kids now with all the technology.

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I am the mother of six and I never had a child break curfew but my daughter did lie about where she was going from time to time. I have always been up front with my children about the rules and consequences. I expressed how important trust and respect are in any relationship. Of course like an earlier mom stated kids will test boundaries. When my daughter got caught in her quest for more freedom I gave it to her. I did file a police report and I packed up her entire room. All the kids gave her the silent treatment not my suggestion but she behaving so out of character they had enough. I pulled all financial support from all activities. Then we told her your free. Reality set in that her new boyfriend was not all that great and life was good with her family. I never had another major problem she graduated from high school and is currently in college and doesn't leave the house enough. My point is all kids are different just be there to guide and give a bit tough love if needed but kids are smart keep talking they are listening.

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I agree with you Mrs. Gallaher. I am glad to hear that your daughter learned her lesson. But this is not so true with my step son. I pray for him daily but the people who care for him need more prayer. There is no consequence for any bad behavior that he does. They keep on giving him his way to keep him from running away or going off on them. This is a child who has had no discipline until he started about the age of 14.

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I have struggled so much with this one.... my daughter started sneaking out at 14... We agreed on a curfew and she would just break it day after day. I tried grounding her and she would just leave. I tried taking stuff away from her and she would just find stupid boys who were willing to replace it. She decided she wasn't interested in any of her extracurricular activities and just stopped going. Now at 16, she has quit school several times (keeps going back and then when it gets hard she just doesn't show up anymore) I have had the police involved multiple times and it doesn't help.... She found out a couple of months ago that she is pregnant. We had a good couple of months until the boyfriend came back into the picture and so about 4 days ago she announced that she doesn't like my rules and so she has moved out. This type of behaviour rarely comes after an arguement... she just decides to leave and does. She's currently camping at his cousins house while the cousin isn't there. Neither she nor her boyfriend have a job... they are apparently borrowing money from the cousin. Now, all this being said, I know for sure (drug test assured) that she is not doing drugs or drinking... I have gotten to the point where I have said to her, "Well, I hope that works out for you honey, but I can't support you living somewhere else. I believe there is no reason you can't be at home." She has agreed with this, so now I am just sitting here waiting for it to all fall apart. We have a close relationship, surprisingly enough. It has taken the strength of Atlas to not allow her behaviour to destroy that. The only thing I have to say is that your relationship with your child is THE ONLY THING that keeps them at home beyond a certain point. If they have the self assuredness to act against your advice, and the resources (friends etc) to make that happen, then when they don't want to be home, they won't be. The only repercussions that will work is their own desire to please or at least not disappoint their parent.

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My Daughter started sneaking out at age 14 thru her bedroom window. When I relized this I nailed it shut. Then she would sneak out off other windows in the house. She would stay gone for days hanging out with bad kids in hotels. These kids were stealing and doing serious drugs. I have delt with this off and on for 5 yrs. I got the police involved when she swans minor. I did everything I could do to try and keep her in the house. If she wanted out she found a way. Well the guy she was hanging with she ended up having a baby by him at age 18 now she is 19 and I'm still going thru stuff with my Daughter well its now to the point where I had to put her in jail I'm order to try and help save her before its to late. I am raising my Grandson. I went and visited her today in jail.. it had to come to this. It's very sad some kids have to learn the hard way and she is one that has to. I'm still trying to help her do the right thing.. we. love her very much... We just hope she relizes this and turns her life around...

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