When is your son too old to go with you to the girls bathroom?

When your son was a baby, it was natural for you to bring him with you to the women's restroom. Now that he's older, when does it start to become awkward bringing him into the girl's bathroom?

40  Answers

2 18

There are doors on women's restroom stalls so they are not invading anyone's privacy. I will bring my son in with me at least until 8 or use a family restroom. There were plenty of 10 year old boys at Walt Disney world waiting by the wall for their moms in the women's restroom and I thought that was great. I know an 8 year old boy who went into the men's room at the mall and was sexually assaulted by a man and did not tell his mom until the next day because the man threatened him. I would rather deal with the stares from women then the threat of something happening to my child.

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2 21

I worked in a prison and an inmate once told me that he couldn't wait til mother's would let their little boys go to the bathroom alone...That is when he would target his victims... I'm a sinle mom, and my son is currently 5 and he will be going to public restrooms with me until I'm comfortable!!

0 16

I totally agree with the both of you!

1 46

Amen and thank you to all these mothers who think like me my son just turned six and he will continue to go with me and I with him until I'm completely comfortable or he's to big to target.

8 26

TOTALLY AGREE WITH THE OTHER MOTHERS!!! :) WE MOTHERS ARE VERY PROTECTIVE OF OUR CHILDEREN!!! WE ARE LIKE LIONESS WITH THEIR CUBS! :)

0 9

8 years old is out of control gimme a break. That boy is going to be a woosey. stand by the mens door if your so worried. That is out of control and awkward. That why these boys are messed up cause you woman have them thinking like woman instead of men

0 15

I have two boys 4 &6 and they go to the women's restroom with me and most of the time we go into the handicap one so they never leave my site. you can not trust people anymore and if other women have a problem either me bringing my kids into the restroom then they can complain but at least i know my kids are safe. i have a friend who is a social worker who received a call because a women was taking her 8 year old boy with her into the women restroom and she told the person complaining that she need to look into the mirror because that mom was being a good mom .

0 8

why cant i read my post or the comments that are coming back?

13,264 21

Well, Jennifer Samuels, you'd better hope and pray that someday the shoe isn't on the other foot, and YOUR child is assaulted because you don't want to "raise a woos". Good grief, lady! Thank God you never encountered me when MY sons were still too young to be allowed into the mens room alone. You'd have been dealing with one raging bitch of a momma bear. If you do not have the compassion and understanding to "get it", you probably should rethink even being a parent. You, too, will determine what is "safe" for your kids, and everyone else be damned. If you don't think a situation is safe, you will not tell your kids to "suck it up, don't be a woos"...I'm betting on that.

1 24

Alana, When it comes to people who sexually prey on younger children/adolescents...I'm not 100% sure they are ever out of target! :(. It's a sad world we live in. As for all of the moms on here saying they will take their son with them until they are comfortable...I applaud you all! I have two boys...6 & 12 as well as a 9 year old daughter. I allow my 12 year old to take my 6 year old to the restroom but I am constantly aware of how long they have been gone. If for whatever reason I feel like its been too long, I have no problem walking up in that bathroom to look for my babies. This is very few and far between though that I allow them to go alone. I'm always standing right there with them because even 12 seems too young to get to far out of my sight. I often wonder if I am smothering him but I was sexually assaulted at 13 by a man I went to babysit for, and it took a long time for me to recover. If I can save them from ever feeling that way, I will continue to do exactly what I'm doing. I would just like to put out there that mothers should trust their instincts and be constantly aware of what is going on. Shame on the girls/women who give bad looks. Let them say something to me and I'll tell them exactly what I think of it too!

0 13

My son is just 5 and is desperate to be independant but wanting to go to the toilet by himself has really worried me, particuarly someone taking him although I'm really vigilant. I had not even considered the thought of someone assualting him. Clearly he needs to continue to come with me!

0 0

Count me in as agreeing. Both of my sons had aversions to using dirty bathrooms that, coupled with my concern over letting my child go unescorted into a men's bathroom meant--ladies room. They were somewhat self-conscious about entering the women's bathroom if it weren't empty, though! I wouldn't have a problem with a dad escorting his little girl to the women's room either.

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38 6

My sons are 24, 19, 17, 14, and 10.... they all went into the restroom with me until they turned 12- so yeah the youngest goes with me if the others are not with us too. At 12 I had NO problem going to the mens room with them...standing at the door and my foot keeping it open with the announcement "I am a mom of 5 sons and have had 2 hubby's so Ive seen it ALL before! I have no problem coming in after my son!" Too many children have been hurt and even killed while going to the restroom. Mine wont be. I do not care one whit if it offends anyone else that I protect them anywhere we are and I applaud ALL moms who bring their sons into the restroom with them. Ive been there am still there and I totally understand!

*This is an added edit- for those who are completely blind to why a Mother who loves her kids would keep bringing her son into the women's room with her until she feels he's of an age to be safer- A little boy of 7 went to the men's room while his mother waited patiently outside the door for him. He didn't come out, he didn't come out...and didn't come out but men came and went past her. Finally she got a male employee to check for her son. He found the little boy in a stall- He had been sodomized and his throat cut all while his mother waited for him. His murderer had walk out the door by her to leave.... Which means this poor mom not only lost her son in heinous way but saw the face of the man who did it... so. Point blank get over your own 'issues' and realize not everyone wants to see your woo-woo... and MY son will be watched and protected.

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16 0

Never thought about going to the men's bathroom with him...but that would work as well (quicker lines). But overall I would still choose the women's just because it's not as gross as the men's.

99 8

My mom did kind of the same thing you did. When my brothers felt they were to old to go into the women's restroom she would "clear" men's room and stand outside waiting for them. She hollered "is anyone in here" before they went in and they were given strict instructions if there was still anyone in there they were to come right out and wait for him to leave.

13,264 21

I, too was the mom with the foot in the mens room door for awhile...and believe me, the men really didn't mind. I had one guy say that if he wouldn't get slapped, he'd do the same when taking his daughter to the restroom, because he was uncomfortable about the urinals, etc in the men's room, but that he'd (so far) found very nice women that would watch his daughter in the restrooms. And, I've been the "nice woman" for dads with little girls, as well.

0 43

Thank God there are still sensible people in this world. I totally agree with all the comments. I don't care who stares. Most people understand. This is my only son and he is 5 years old. I would not feel comfortable letting him go into the men's bathroom unless it is with his father and a select few (very very few) family friends. I have entered a men's restroom with him when it was totally clear. A security guard came in and looked at me, but he did not object. I am very particular about leaving my son without my supervision. I don't care whose feelings are hurt. I was given a warning by a mature woman who said that I should trust no one. I live by that. I have a bad temper and I fear prison.

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1 34

My 8yr old son goes in the gents with his dad ,but wen we r on our own he comes in with me. I dont trust anyone for me to let him go on his own.

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70 8

I bring my sons to the restroom with me because of the predators out there. I have taught them to stand in front of my stall if they finish before me. I then have them put 1foot inside my stall for safety. They are 5 & 3 soon to be 6 & 4. If we are at a small venue I stand outside the door and wait. Once my 5 y/o asked if he could use the big boy bathroom. Relunctanly I let him go. I became nervous when he didn't come right out. So I asked a gentleman to check for other men before I went in. Fortunately my son was just playing in the water and the man sent him out. I will allow my sons to got with me until 10 & 8 but only when they are together.

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4 1

I will take my Son in the bathroom with me until he is close to full grown. I am so afraid because of sicko's who molest little boys in the bathroom. It happened to a 9 year old boy at the Ruby Tuesday in our small town. I am beyond sad for that child. I can't even eat there now. I take my 11 year old in the bathroom everytime. He is less than thrilled. Better safe than sorry.....

12 34

Rhonda, you are right on! I also have an 11 year old son too. He is less than thrilled to go into the restroom with me also. On occassion, when I predict an empty bathroom, I do let him go in and come right out to report how many men are in there. I stand right outside until he finishes his business, and usually monitor one man going in or maybe one man leaving. I have told him briefly what I am worried about bc of so many questions and resistance to our family rules. "I'd rather be safe than sorry", "is it worth changing your life forever?" seem to appease him now. And both messages will be repeated in other issues our sons will be facing. Remember the 90's song, ... "it's a mad world"? Very true!! Our children will not be abducted or see/hear or do something to worry about the rest of their lives bc of our vigilence!! I had a coworked report he would not worry about restroom at a public park restroom, but I kept with my original thoughts. About a year later he was reported by an adult male family member for abuse during his childhood! So your momma senses are right, moms! When the bear claws come out, keep them out! The perpetrator could be anyone! Sad but true!

10 29

I am so glad so many Moms agree... There are only a few occassions i have let him go by his self, and thats when i knw there is like one guy, and he has to pee. i give him 2 min. Like I said its only been a few (like chic- fila) . But i will prolly take him with me as long as possible

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1 43

I don't have a boy but I'd say when puberty hits and they start becoming very aware of women's bodies is when to stop. Until then, keep 'em safe. There are sex predators everywhere.


(oh and I am a mom, I just have my profile pic as my hubby for father's day. lol)

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12 34

My son is pre-puberty, but he goes with me in a busy place like the airport. He is less than thrilled! With all his complaints, I have allowed him to go in men's, check, and report to me, then go back in while I wait outside! I'd rather be safe than sorrrrrry! It would take a lifetime for him to erase what might be said, shown, done, ... . I can't bare that thought! Sad but true!

67 43

I feel that it is up to the individual child's maturity level... my son will probably always and forever have to go in with me unless his dad's with us because he has Cerebral Palsy and Autism so his maturity level is not where it's supposed to be. that's just my thought on it,

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I agree with Sherri C.. My son is 8 yrs. and he still goes to the restroom with me. The world is just not the same anymore and I would rather my son continue to go to the womens restroom as long as I feel it is necessary. I have had a women try to tell me that he shouldn't be in there but do you think she was going to tell me how to raise my child? NOOOO! If something was to happen to my child in the mens restroom I would never be able to forgive myself because of being concerned about others privacy. I'm sorry but if anyone is offended you just keep sending your son to the mens while mine is with me and get over it!
Chelsie
ps. To answer the question, it's when I feel he's too old.

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2 7

The world has always been as creepy, we just hear about it more. My son is 7, and mad that I still make him come in with me most times. There have been exceptions where it's really easy for me to see all that happens in the mens room. I wish there were more "family" bathrooms in the states. It removes the issue. Seems like no matter how you raise your kid someone gets pissed off. You just do your own thing and try your best.

11 30

I don't have boys, I have girls, I am in Australia, but I don't look twice when i see a boy in the ladies toilets with their mum, I would keep my boys safe too. I would keep them coming in with me until you where comfortable about them going into the mens toilets on their own, I work with children and have worked with a few boys that have had very bad experiences in the mens toilets and they have been aged between 9 and 13. If you see them trying to look through cracks in doors at the women then give them a good talking to and if they then stop just keep them safe, your son will want to use the mens rooms before you want him too, so just go by your gut instinct and don't worry about other women or the looks you may get, like most of the comment I have read at least until puberty!!!

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58 25

My son is 6 and he still goes with me. I get lots of stares, but I don't really care what others think. I rather be safe than sorry.

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4 31

Mine is 4 and I still bring him with me. I dont trust anyone for him to go in the men's room alone. Unless he is with his daddy then he can go in with him. Other wise there are too many perverts/pyscho paths out there. But thats just the way I am.

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My boys are 3 and 6 and they come with me. My 6 year old wants to go alone to the gents and depending on the circumstances, I let him. If he is with a friend and/or I know the bathroom is empty I am OK. But I stand outside and keep talking to him. A lot of drama for a little independence I'd say!! My problem now is that when we go swimming at the Y, the sign says boys 6 and older MUST use the Men's locker rooms. I am not down with that and he comes with me. but I did notice him look sideways at a lady who was walking around the changing room naked!! I do the same at home, but I guess it is different when it is not your mom!! I'd love suggestions as 6 is still pretty young to navigate all that needs to be done before and after swimming.

5 19

@Mandy--I completely agree with you. @ Therese-I would agree and not let my 6 year old go into a locker room to change himself! If it is uncomfortable in the locker room, try to create a private area--perhaps by opening a locker or two and draping a towel over them. As children mature, you could also drape a beach towel around them--creating an instant private changing space. (Like when parents have kids in the same locker room, and the kids are different sexes.)

12 34

I agree with you Mandy and JS! Therese, why can't you change at home at the Y? Change in the car? Find a bathroom that is not a locker room that he can quickly change in the stall or hold a towel for him in the corner of the ladies room. Think about the meaning behind the YMCA song. Your son will thank you for nothing to forget or to keep out of his mind! You are questioning it for a reason, so listen to that sense only parent's have and act on it. Ask the Y to create a family restroom or small locker room.

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IMHO, a locker room is different than a restroom. Our YMCA only allows boys age 4 and under in the womens locker room. Age 5 and up has to either use the boys locker room OR there are small changing rooms usually by the pool, when a mom and her son can go and have their own private 'stall' to change. My son is only 2, but I think once he's older the private changing rooms will be better for him. We'll just have to wait until we get home to shower after swimming. @ JS & Joan - I think it's not just a matter of a six year old boy's privacy, but also of the other women / girls in the locker room. A 10 year old girl should not be changing in the same room as a 6 year old boy, in my opinion. A restroom is different, there are stall doors so there is a bit more privacy for all involved.

8 6

Therese, when you go to the "Y" there should be family changing rooms that are available. Thankfully my son is still in diapers, but when he is out of them you can bet your botton dollar that he will go in the womens room with me.

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@ Therese Dodds - our YMCA has a family changing room....so moms can be with their sons over 6 and dads w/their daughters over 6...you should ask them about it!

10 29

Someone mentioned talking to their son and i laughed--- My kids - my son especially- SING in public bathrooms... The singing doesnt stop until he comes out... I love it. The guys that go in rush out, cause he gets loud! ha ha ha! I dont make them sing the just like the echo.

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0 1

My son is 8 and I still take him with me to the ladies bathroom. The way I see it is "As long as there are 'true' moms in the bathroom, they will understand COMPLETELY why I prefer not sending him to the mens bathroom! "

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I have a 16 yr boy, 14 yr girl, two 6 yr old boy, 5 yr boy, 3yr boy and my boyfriend has twin 3 yr old boys....Let's be real! We teach our children to be safe but it does not always easy keep them safe when they are away from us. So, as long as we can WE PROTECT our children. If you make the choice to let your child into a public bathroom alone then teach your child to scream if something happens. Reasure your child you will be right outside the door and if he or she screams you will go in right away and nothing will happen to him. Granted one day they will be on their own but I say we watch over them and protect them as long as we can!!! The more you teach your children and drill it into their heads whats right and wrong the safer they will be :)

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0 9

I agree! Teach them well and watch them flourish. I don't think it's okay to teach them to live in constant fear, we must provide them with the knowledge so they can survive on their own! LOVE IT!

0 8

I love this attitude. I am comfortable with my 8yr old going to the bathroom alone because he has been taught to look after himself. This attitude goes beyond the bathroom question. We need to prepare our kids for the future and to be able to fend for themselves and every bit of autonomy we can give them helps...

1 24

I just want to throw this out there to you ladies about the whole screaming issue if something arises. That happened once to a little boy...except the perp locked the door. The little boy continued to scream and cry as he was being raped and the manager tried his best to unlock the door but the perp had done something to the lock that rendered it from being unlocked from the outside. Needless to say it became a stand off. I couldn't 100% tel you the fate of the young boy, but I do know the perp killed himself. Oh and he was just recently let out of prison for raping other young boys. Gotta love the system. However, I tell you all this because we do teach our children to scream and kick and bite but how would you feel if you could hear the terror and pain in your child's voice but yet couldnt get to them? It's just not worth it for me... Google it...idk names but in sure you can put in details and it could find it online. I know a stand off took place for a while and the boy had internal bleeding. I believe he was slowly dying and was eventually saved but don't quote me.

0 19

I think in concept teaching your kids to scream when they're in trouble is good, but in reality as far as effectiveness, it's really low. When anyone is scared and stressed, the usual reaction is that you freeze, and kids, who are taught to respect adults would be especially susceptible. This is true by the way also for adults. I was a martial arts competitor and thought I could defend myself well. When someone attacked me in the bathroom, I was so shocked I couldn't utter a sound. The bathroom is the second most common place of attack and rapes (after our own homes). Kids may say they will scream or know how to alert you, but the reality is that many will not be able to.

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1 0

My son is 8 and when it is just the two of us out in a public place, I make him go into the ladies room with me. He sometimes gets a bit embarrassed, but I don't care. When it comes down to his safety or him being embarrassed, I'd rather him be embarrassed, he will get over it. His safety is my primary concern and I do not feel comfortable with him going into a men's room by himself, there are too many sick people in this world.

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5 19

I agree with bringing my son in the restroom with me. He is 4 1/2 and too young to be on his own. I'll also only let him use a separate stall when the area is not really busy, and I can be in a stall next to his (I always make sure his door is locked). Then, he waits until I am finished to leave, and I am in front of his stall. When would you let your child walk home alone from school? That'd probably be a good sign that you are secure with his independence.

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24 21

well it looks like kim has already answered for me.. Same 2 boys 4& 6 always come with me to toilet if their daddy not with us... I also make them put 1 foot under door so i can see them....

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my son is 8 i take him in with me and i think i still will because he austism the only time he gose in the men room his daddy gose in with him

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20 0

My son is 10 we go to lot of baseball games he still uses the ladies room with me

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11 16

We take advantage of family restrooms whenever we can. My hubby has on a occasion insist we use ladies' restroom due to the conditions of men's restroom. I keep thinking he will probably go to the ladies room with me until he's ten. I also think family restrooms will be the norm by the time he's ten.

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20 65

My son goes in with me...cause i will not allow him to stand outside from the bathroom..he's almost five..better to be safe than sorry..to many kid knappers and to many predotrs.. out there..you son if safer with u...

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1 13

i think all moms out there will understand if you bring your son with you. mine is almost 8 and he comes in with me unless my husband is with us. and he doesnt actually go IN the stall with me either. he waits outside the stall by the wall. there are doors on the stalls so theres nothing he can see. its too scary out there with all these sickos preying on boys. until he is big enough to fight someone off, he's going with me!

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4 23

I do not have any boys, just girls. But I would tell you what I would question you if your son was waiting outside the bathroom before his teenage years. Too many sicko's out there. Does not bother me one bit to see boys in the bathrooms. My problem is when my girls are with there Dad, he has to have the 8 year old watch them, there should be stall doors even in the Men's room. Bring your son into the bathroom until you are comfortable leaving him outside or sending him into the men's room alone.

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i can say one thing my son is just 4 and i wouldnt care who looks at me i will bring him into any toilet any where untill he is at d age dat he can stand up 4 himself wheather dats 4 or 40 hes my son and any mother would say d would die rather den late sum sicko do anything 2 der child and ders not a hope he would b left standing outside till im finished !!!

16 0

I don't know what I would do in that case...I would probably want my husband to go into the women's restroom over my daughters going into the men's. (depending on the condition) OR I would want him to ask a woman going into the bathroom to take her. Right now my husband is the ONLY person who takes her potty because he picks her up over the toilet so she can go (we're in China so they only have squat toilets that she can't use). But once we head back to the US I'll probably be the one in charge of potty duties.

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0 18

I will take my son into the ladies room until he is bigger, taller, stronger and completely aware of the fact that there are disgusting, unimaginable, atrocious people in the world. Until then, I dare anyone to tell me I can't!!!

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8 17

My son if 5 now, and has complained several times about having to come with me to the women's restroom. He can complain until he is blue in the face - he is not going alone to the men's! There are some serious creeps in this world, and you NEVER KNOW where or when they will turn up. I'll be dam**d if my baby comes into contact with one of those weirdos. Until I am confident that he is old enough to understand exactly how dangerous these freaks are, and he is old enough to beat the crud out of anyone who tries anything... he can deal with it and come with me.

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0 14

Well said!!

5 1

I think that if you bring your son into the stall with you, it shouldn't matter what his age is. It's more of at what age are you still comfortable with him being in there with you. My son is going to be six and he always goes into the bathroom with me. I have three daughters and he is my only son so he doesn't have an older brother to go with him into the men's restroom and my husband works a lot and rarely goes to places like the mall, etc. with us. The only time I let him go in is if its not busy and I stand right outside of the door. This is usually at a restroom that is meant for only one person at a time. Most places we've been to like the pool recommend that they use the appropriate bathroom/dressing room once they've turned 6 years old. I can see where they are coming from but I think that the parents should make the decision based on their own child.

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I've never seen a pool area that limited the age at 6...but if I did I'd still bring him in regardless, even if I had to throw a towel over his head. And if he's older and needs to change we'd do the parking lot towel trick like us girls did at the beach. I would be even LESS likely to let my son get undressed by himself in a pool area bathroom.

0 0

Hi Roberta , My local community center states in its rules that boys over 6 must use the mens locker room to access the pool and girls use their own. I have one child and so be it a Son and honestly he is never going to the mens room or locker room with out his dad and when dad is not around he is with me. Call me paranoid but he is all I've got and there are just to many horror stories about bathrooms and locker rooms and as a parent it is my job to protect my child. It is a fine line we walk we want our children to explore the world but shield them from the worst in it.

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My boys are 6 and almost 5 and if I'm out with them alone, I still take them in with me. I don't think there is a "magical age" when a boy shouldn't be in the women's restroom. It's more a matter of maturity and when they reach an age when they are aware of potential dangers and know what to do in situations like that.
I stand in front of their stall unless I also need to go and then we all go together in the handicap stall. My oldest has Asperger's so he doesn't understand social etiquette very well and has little self awareness. So, I don't have confidence that he would stay by my stall if he finished before me or that he has the maturity yet to go on his own (this is not an issue at school, however, since all the boys go in together. They are good about telling the teacher if something is wrong). If there is a family restroom available, we use that and if their daddy is with us, he takes them. Otherwise, the women will just have to stare and live with it. My children's safety is more important to me than their dirty looks.

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I have a 6 year old son and I bring him in the washroom with me to keep him safe from creeps and to make sure the toilet is clean for him to sit on. I dont have a problem with bringing him in my stall I want to make sure he totally safe!!!! I find sometimes the womens washroom is just as dirty as the mens, and I dont want my little guy to sit on a nasty toilet. Its totally up to us moms to advocate for our children in everyway possible and we cant falter because someone disagrees or says something about you taking your son in to the womens washroom.

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It's UNBELIEVABLE how many women have issues with a little boy being in the women's restroom. I actually got into an argument with a woman at the Y because she thought my 6 yr old son and a friend's 5 yr old son..were looking at her 2 yr old daughter and they shouldn't be in the changing area. Neither boy could care less or had ANY interest in seeing her 2 yr old changing. I am not sure what she expected us to do with our kids while we were changing to go into the pool...send them into the men's changing area?? How many perverts have they caught at the Y?? Get over it ladies...If you are so worried about something...change at home!!! It's unbelievable that you think a child wants to see you naked!! If you are in the restroom...shut the door. Seems pretty simple. I think women that have boys see things a lot differently sometimes than women who have girls. I am not giving a pervert access to my child so deal with it.

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Kasey, I respectfully suggest that many people feel the same way about your son in the men's room. "Get over it, Lady. It's unbelievable that you think some guy wants to see your child use the restroom." Those are your words, but applied the other way. I would suggest that someone who is clearly very concerned about "perverts" in a restroom might be a little more sensitive to other people not wanting boys around while their little girls are changing. I absolutely respect your point of view, I'm just suggesting that you grant other moms the same right to feel uncomfortable.

3 14

Jennifer, I am sure MOST men don't want to see a boy in the bathroom...but should I take the chance that one does and let him go in there alone?? My guess is you do not have a son...and most moms that have a problem with a boy being in the girls restroom, do not have a son either...if so - you would understand WHY you wouldn't want your son to go in the restroom alone. How many moms let their 5 or 6 yr old girls go to the restroom alone?? I highly doubt many moms do. So why should my son have to go to the boys restroom alone??? Especially when we all know..men are usually 10 times more likely to be a sexual predator than a woman. The thing that annoys me the most about this topic is...SHUT THE DOOR MOMS if you think a 5 or 6 yr old cares to see you or your little girl go to the bathroom...this is why there is a door in front of the toilet (or if you are at the gym -there is usually places to change without being seen..I personally don't want to see half the naked women walking around in the changing area anyways..so it would do everyone a favor to change in a stall). Trust me - when I even see an 8 or 9 yr old boy with their mom in the restroom...they are usually so embarrassed that they aren't peeking under stalls.

38 6

Kasey? YOU ARE RIGHT ON! Totally. Little kids do NOT care about being naked as an adult does. And when one has issue it is usually because they do not have a son. You are also correct in that men are more prone to be the aggressors than women- and WILL choose targets in easy locations. Boys are statistically raped more often than girls. They just don't all tell right away. So. Yes. As long as my children (ALL Boys, all 5 of them) are children? I will keep them close. And I will keep them safe. And the only time I have ever seen another 'boy' child looking at the bottom of a stall is when they are also calling, "mom?, Mom?" I have a young granddaughter too and have been in the restroom when little boys have been chaperoned by their moms and she never once commented that it was wrong or weird... it's always an adult or a teen girl who thinks every eye is on her... Said it once, I'll say it again..not everyone is clamoring to see their woo-hoos... LOL So keep your son with you! Better to have him safe and alive! And as long as you have the attitude you have? He will grow up quite adjusted! Kudo's! :D

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0 13

Safety First, women who have a problem with a child in a women's restroom need to get over themselves. He is there to use the facilities or waiting on his mother, not there to look at them.When he was an older child, I would clear the restroom first. and wait at the door. Nobody ever had a problem with it. If they did, they never said anything about it.

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15 7

As the Mom of 2 little girls I feel the need to speak up here. If your son has hit about the age of puberty (11-12) he no longer belongs in a women's restroom. Not all boys can be trusted and I don't want my little girls exposed to them going to the bathroom. It's simply inappropriate. They were born male, if you want to bring an adolescent into a womens restroom it had better be an adolescent girl. I am one of those Mom's who WILL go to management and complain. And they will ask you to take your older son out of the women's room.

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0 1

Thank you I thought no one would speak up for little girls...they have a right to privacy and a 12 year old boy in the ladies room is not right for grown women to have to encounter much less a little girl-if you are concerned about your son then go in the mens room with him it amounts to the same thing

1 28

Melissa, with all due respect, you do what you have to to protect your girls' privacy. However, I will do whatever I have to in order to protect my sons' lives and safety. Unless, your girls walk around pantless outside of the stalls then you really should have more compassion for the boys. Older boys aren't going to be trying to peek in the stalls; they'd be too embarrassed. It's actually the toddlers and younger boys who peek out of innocent curiosity. Just think if you had sons, what would you do? How would you feel if someone tried to kick your sons out of the bathroom? Would you comply and send them to the men's room? How would you feel if they never came out? What would you do if both or one of them were hurt by some sick predator? How would you comfort them? Would you feel like you protected them to your best abilities? Would you blame the woman who complained about your initial attempt at protecting your boys? Is it your girls privacy you're trying to protect or your own sense of what's right? My boys are 8 and 5. They're taught to respect people's, not just women's, privacy. I also keep them out of the way while they wait their turn. When they're done, they wash their hands and leave. Period! I will continue to take them to the bathroom with me unless my husband is with us. There will be a point where they will go on their own but that will be up to mine and my children's discretion and sound judgement.

0 17

perfectly said Judith!!

0 11

For Melissa and Jo, As the mother of a 4 year old little girl, i feel the need to expand on what Judith said. While I personally understand the position of privacy for us, our young girls, and really any women who happen to be in the Ladies's room when a boy walks in with his mother or female guardian, there is a double standard here and for good reason: MENS rooms are statistically more dangerous to kids. Period. Let's be realistic about the times we live in and dangers here to both sexes. In a world where kids have to go to a mall fir any semblan e of trick or treating, and still check their candy afterwards, I am surprised at the lack of compassion for others with different needs than you. For example, if circumstances occurred that forced you to allow your daughter to go to the Mens bathroom alone at age 8, would you be comfortable with that? Why should a mother of a boy feel comfortable doing that on a daily basis? Incidentally what would you think of a guy you saw leaving his daughter by herself outside the MENS room while he went inside? There are too many family/environmental situations that call for change in society. Even something As simple as family friendly bathrooms obviously are a HUGE need that is being ignored as yet. I would truly never allow my daughter to go in a MENS ROOM with my husband after age 4 or 5 unless he has cleared it out for her. AND keeps it clear until she is finished so she is not exposed to...well we all know about the lack of doors and privacy in many MENS rooms. As far as the ladies room, aside from a little embarrassment (which is fed by society) on both sides, there is no actual DANGER to us, our daughters, or our privacy in a ladies room. There are closed stalls in a Ladies room providing privacy. If a boy has been brought in by a female guardian, and is not up by a stall purposely trying to ogle someone, there is no reason to be offended. To go and report a Woman for bringing in a male minor (regardless of age, puberty begins at all different ages now. And how do you know if that boy has special needs but doesnt outwardly "appear" to?) for his safety is terrible and there are Alot of single moms out there who would be deeply hurt by that kind of ignorance. Frankly, I am shocked (considering how seriously you seem to advocate for and protect your own children) at how jaded and unconcerned you are for the serious dangers that society truly faces when it comes to the pedophilia, rape, sodomy, and murder of our precious children. Known predators who have committed these acts have openly admitted they would lie in wait and prey on youngsters who have been given the freedom to use the facilities on their own. And the statistics don't lie: the majority of these horrific crimes that occur in restrooms these days happen in MENS restrooms. Looking up at Ginger's post from last year, despite any training or false hope we give: there is no such thing as being big enough or strong enough for a boy (age 6 or 16) if he is taken by surprise by a predator. It only takes a moment to slit a throat, (be it child or adolescent) even with a mother standing right outside the door. No child who is taught "SCREAM as loudly as you can and I'll come running" would be able to scream in that case, would they? I am sorry to be so graphic here, but let's acknowledge the truth. Besides that, no offense to the Dads out there, I've worked in places that required me to clean the bathrooms and compared to LADIES rooms, MENS bathrooms are often far filthier and germier than a mother would like their 8 year old to encounter alone! (guys, perhaps you could speak up on this or correct me if I am wrong) But all joking aside men can truly be geared differently than women. Violent acts / pedophilia are more often committed by male predators who have been waiting for an opportunity to present itself. That said, I would never allow a child to go into any bathroom alone because women are just as capable of violence as men. If I DID have a son go into the MENS bathroom alone i would be certain that it was empty by first callng inside then checking myself if there was no answer. It is up to the parent to decide how to handle the situation and if they and their child are ready. The excuse of archaic modesty being imposed on those who are trying to protect their children in this day and age falls short. It seems based far more on personal preference and a need to try to shame others for personal satisfaction. Take up another cause more worthy of your time and morality. As far as I'm concerned i would rather see a boy in the ladies room than on the front page news the next day. It happens everywhere and anywhere, small towns and big cities everyday. Until the time when family restrooms are readily available, any parent who chooses to do so should ignore the intolerance of those who choose to disregard the safety needs of children other than their own. Restrooms are just a "high alert" setting. Give chilren their freedom- but do it in safer, open environments that are meant to be social. Shutting them up in the house and never take them shopping doesn't teach, it shelters them from reality. Be moderate in your choice areas for "high alert". We are not teaching our children to fear the world, we are teaching them the reality of the world and the responsibility of looking out for themselves by following our example. If they see how much we care for their safety they are likely to do the same for themselves and others in the future.

3 14

If a parent was taking their 11-12 yr old to the bathroom to keep them safe...why would your daughter be exposed?? If a parent cares enough to watch out for their child so that nothing bad happens to them...chances are - they are not going to let them in the bathroom to run wild and expose themselves to anyone. I guarantee you do not have a boy...if so - you wouldn't have such a one-sided view on the issue. Unfortunately there are a lot of disgusting perverts in our society. Until the day comes that there are not...then women have a right to protect their child..whether they be a girl or a boy!

0 17

Ladies rooms have doors to protect privacy.

0 11

Exactly ladies. Melissa, have you any idea how many of the 11-12 boys you are complaining about are being sexually molested each year? The MEDIAN age of the victims of convicted sexual predators is age 13 and younger, and 1 in six boys will be molested by the time they are 18. Of course, these crimes are not committed in restrooms ONLY, there are many other circumstances as well. But it is important to keep in mind: A child molester that seeks out boys will molest 150 boys before being caught and convicted and he will commit at least 280 sexual crimes in his lifetime. Why should our girls be more protected than our boys simply because they are the same gender as the parent or guardian they are with? They ALL need to be protected by whatever means we parents have to provide for them. If a grown woman doesn't like that, she can avoid using public facilities whenever possible, or just have her daughter with her at all times in the bathroom...

3 14

their is nothing to see in the ladies ,buts lots more to see in the mens ,boys r not safe and should be able to use the womens toilets untill moms are sure their sons are mature enough to know wrong from right .so you with the 2 girls needs to get a grip ,their r doors on the toilets and your with ur girls so whats your problem ,so complain all you like ,you will eat your words if u ever have a son .grandson .rant over !!

0 0

Melissa let me tell you about an experience my 17 yr old had maybe it will help you to understand that safety outweighs privacy anyday. My son is around 5'1 and around 107 lbs. and instead of looking 17 he looks around 11 or 12. While in the restroom of a mall an older man came in and stood at the urinal beside him and asked him if he needed him to hold his private, my son said he told him H no in the deepest voice he could muster. the man the reached over and attempted to grab him. They scuffeled , my son was driving my car that day and I have a small pepper spray on my keys he was able to kick the man in the private pepper spray him and get away to get help. After the police called me I found out 4 things 1)there was also a 10 yr old boy in the bathroom,2) the bathroom was down a long hall near the mall offices that were closed and 3) the man had put an out of order sign at the begining of the hallway when he followed my son to the bathroom so that he wouldn't be interupted.4) the man was a reg, sex offender, whose preference was boys ages 8-13. So with this being said yes my son is on the small side but he is physically fit and able to fight back, and he has the level of maturity nessasary to know what to do in that situation , what if he had seen the 10 yr old go in before he followed my son, Do you think the 10 yr old would have been able to do the same? So the next time you are worried about that 12yr old not being trusted you think about all the preditors there are in this world. The embarrassment you and your daughter feel will be gone long before the trauma the 10yr old boys mother and I felt after realizing what could have happened to our sons.

1 24

Oh blah blah blah. You, my dear, are the reason this discussion is going on! I have both a daughter and two sons as I have previously stated before and I have taught my sons from the time I started taking them in not to look in cracks but under stall doors for feet. If they linger while looking thru the cracks then shame on the moms for not teaching them a little bit of decency! My oldest, who recently turned 12, hates just standing outside the door I the women's restroom and if I actually made him go in with the rest of us I'm sure he would have a heart attack. In my experience, I have had more little girls coming under my door or looking thru the cracks in the stalls then any little boys. In fact, a boy has never done that. Oh I would say its because when you have a son you are very adamant on how they behave in delicate situations. Now my baby is 6 and I feel as though he shouldn't be seeing me use the restroom, so we go in the same stall and he goes first and then it's my turn. He will turn around and face the stall door while I use the restroom. Peeing and pooping are part of nature, but I betyou ladies with girls only are also the same ladies who say breast feeding in public is indecent and vulgar! HAHAHAHAHA! Grow up ladies and realize that moms with boys don't want them looking at girls or women, but they have the right to keep their children safe. Think about it and inform your daughters to, if they feel uncomfortable, wait a few minutes for the bathroom to clear. What's wrong with common decency in these delicate situations?

1 24

Oh hey and Jo...you go the men's restroom if you are uncomfortable. Oh wait yes they only have urinals on the wall. Think you can climb on up that wall?!?! If you, as obviously an old lady, have to encounter a boy in the restroom...I'm fairly certain that's theo ly excitement you have in your life. So absurd! Unless the boy is hanging his head over, under or looking through the crack...I say it's not a big deal! I don't bring my 12 year old in with me, and I believe he was either 10 or 11 when he quit using the women's restroom but that was at his comfortability and not mine. If I have some tingly sensations about it though, you better believe I wouldn't hesitate on bringing him in there with me even to stand up against the wall behind the entrance of the door. Oh and one more thing to your two ladies...let a woman say something to me and I'll alone my son to pee in the sink in front of your daughters...Pfffft some people!!

3 6

Well Melissa, I would say feel free to complain. As I commented earlier, my son will be accompanied by me to the ladies room if my husband is not around to take him to the mens room. I think you will find that Management will, in fact, side with me and, if they didn't they would certainly lose my business. I am not exposing my child to danger to protect you or your delicate sensibilities.

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1 7

As a mother of a four year old and a victim of rape in a bathroom, I'm not sure I'll ever be comfortable. I would have no problem whatsoever having my son at age 12 waiting for me. And I'm definitely not afraid of bursting in any bathroom if need be. If it's not a one stall bathroom, he'll be tagging along or vice versa for quite a while.

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16 0

Well I have no idea why this is even an issue- what are they seeing in the women's bathroom that they shouldn't? It's not like there's no doors or we're peeing at a wall like the guys. I don't have a son, but I wouldn't let my daughter go to the potty by herself until she's in high school, why should boys be different? Yeah it might be a little awkward to have a 12 year old in the women's bathroom but I'd say better safe than sorry. But I guess I would have to stop once he got too embarrassed to go in...but I won't be teaching him that it's wrong to go in.

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7 12

My son is 5 and most times i bring him in with me, but sometimes he wants to go in the mens and I may or may not let him. I was in a restroom with my daughter who is 8 and a boy who was about the same age walked in, I felt embarassed for her.

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16 0

And you're embarrassment, I'm sure was noticed by your daughter! That is not something that should be an embarrassment, she's fully clothed and there are doors. Would you rather read the newspaper and find out something bad happened to that little boy and have to explain THAT to your daughter? Instead of being embarrassed for her you should have explained that his mother wants him to be safe so he's using the women's bathroom.

1 24

Woohoo Roberta! Couldn't have said it better myself! My daughter, who is 9, does not think a thing about seeing a boy in the restrooms (unless at school). When they have brothers, which Michelle you do, your daughter should already know why he was in there. No embarrassment necessary. That just means to me that you've probably been a little flighty or hit-n-miss as to rather or not he goes alone to the bathroom. You do realize you are teaching your daughter RIGHT NOW how to be a good and protective mother, right?!?!

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146 39

My son is four and a half years old, He still goes into the ladies room with me, depending on where we are and how crowded it is we even share a stall sometimes. I just have him face the door so he's not actually seeing anything. Recently we were at a toysrus and the ladies room line was extremely long and he couldn't hold it so I let him go into the men's room alone, I stood outside the door the whole time nervous, hoping he could do it, and then I heard him calling for me to come help him with something but I had no idea what. I told him to hang on and I looked for a dad to go in and see what was going on. Turns out he just couldn't reach the soap, but I realized he just wasn't ready to go by himself. I also worry alot about who may be in the bathroom when my son is in there so unless my husband is with us our son will continue to go into the ladies room with for quite awhile I think. I figure it's not hurting anyone cause there are doors so he's not gonna see anything and I have never encountered anyone who had a problem with bringing him with me.

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16 0

I don't think I would EVER leave my 4 year old son in the bathroom to find his dad! I would just walk to the door...announce I'm going in and do it. It's not like most men are shy and if it's between their shyness or my son- there's no competition.

10 30

I have three boys 8, 6 and 4. When we are with their daddy, he takes them. I always take the 4 year old in with me when we are without his father. I rarely take my children shopping, etc. but if I did they all three would go in with me. I would have them wait outside the stall. I would never send any of my boys to a mens bathroom alone.

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16 0

Wow how sad for your kids! I wouldn't go shopping without my kids! It's something that we all look forward to even if it's a little more trouble than going alone. Plus I get to start teaching them about money and nutrition along the way...and they get to start picking healthier choices themselves.

0 1

My eldest son was 9yrs old (at the time) and came into the womens restrooms with me as we were on our own shopping. My son was finished before me and was washing his hands at a sink when a lady made a comment to him (in a stern voice) - 'why are you in the ladies, you should be in the mens toilets, who are you with?'. My son is quite a sensitive boy and replied quietly, 'I am with my mum'. He was quite upset by this lady's remark. He told me when I was washing my hands and I was furious! I asked him to show me who the lady was, but she had disapeared out of the restroom. I tried to follow her, but she had gone. I would have explained to her that he was with me and that i was not comfortable with him going into the mens toilets on his own!!!!!!! I was not the least bit happy with this lady for making him feel uncomfortable!!!!! Obviously she did not have any sons!!!!

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0 1

My sons are now 10yrs and 8yrs and if out together they will go to the mens restrooms TOGETHER, if I have one on their own they will come in with me!!! I don't care what people think, I am looking after MY sons and I know that they will be safe!!!!!!!!!

3 14

My son had the same experience while in the restroom when we were out to dinner. He was maybe 6-7yrs old. Some older lady was very rude because he was in there. It scared him and hurt his feelings. He burst into tears when he was telling me. I just don't get how some women can be so rude. I could see if there was a teenage boy in there..but my gosh, he is a little boy. Why does that offend so many women? What are you even doing in the restroom...that you are so worried about someone seeing??????

10 12

I always took my son with me too. My son is big for his age. He's 7 now but he's the size of the average 12 year old. He's very sensitive too. We went to the family restroom at a resort when he was 6 and he looked through the crack of the door to see if it was occupied. He didn't stand and stare. He was just being a normal impatient 6 year old who has to pee real bad. He saw a woman in there and walked back over to me to wait. When she came out she was livid and told me how uncomfortable she was that my son was staring at her. WTF? She was an employee there and she would not drop it. I explained that he was six and wasn't 'staring' at her. Never mind the fact that she was in the 'family' restroom. Things got heated real fast and she walked off cussing me under her breath, but ever since my son is scared to death to go in the woman's bathroom with me. I hated her for making my son feel like he had done something wrong. I told him from now on to bend down and look for feet. He would have no problem going to the women's bathroom with me if it weren't for that cow. Sometimes he'll still go with me if we're somewhere unfamiliar, but most of the time he wants to go to the men's.

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0 20

I think the times that we live in now there isn't that many stares in the women's bathroom to see an 8, 9 or 10 yo boy standing there waiting for his mother. I think they'd rather see other children safe in the womens room than in the clutches of a possible sexual predator. The only time my son uses a male restroom is when it's only a one room male restroom, and I'm outside waiting for him. Or he will use the male restroom only when my husband is with us. And even though he's eight and puts up a fight about using the women's room with his mother, he is given the option of either women's room or no room and hold it until you get home.

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0 4

Wow...what a great discussion! My son is 8 and will sometimes go alone (if not a busy place) but will mostly come with me. I worry more about my 5 year old daughter. My husband and I had a discussion about that once. When he has her alone with him, what does he do with her when HE needs to use the bathroom. It's not an appropriate place for a girl, but I don't want him to leave her outside of the bathroom either!!

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0 8

She goes to big girl pottie and maybe he asks a woman going in to keep an eye? She shoudn't have to see the men peeing in the wall.

16 32

I have two boys, one is 5 the other is 7 months. I am very worried when my son takes off to the bathroom that I have stop getlemen from going in to the room. Also While breastfeeding on a bench at walmart. A mother brought in six boys ages 14 to 5 years old and one girl age 18 month to 2 year for potty training. I thought those boys could be outside by themselves but if they are not responsible to be by themselves they are better to be with mom than a stranger.

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12 34

Have you thought of allowing your son to use the ladies room without you? Professionals tell parents to teach a child to ask for help from women if in crisis, since women are less likely to be perpetrators. I never nursed in a department store or super store, and tanked him up before entering stores, restuarants, ... . Occassionally I'd need to nurse when traveling over an hour from home, and I could always use a lounge at department store or go back out to the car. Just an idea or two for you to think about. Your worry is your spiting senses that parents have for a reason. Good luck Holly!!

16 0

I don't understand why Holly would even mind those boys coming in to the restroom just because she's breastfeeding. You're still in public so it's your choice not to 'cover' up even if you're in a lounge. AND if you think that a 14 year old can watch 5 kids on his own then I really doubt you've even seen that many kids together! I have 5 sisters about the same spread as that family and there was NO WAY my older sisters could control us all. If they were my kids I would also make them come into the restroom with me as well. There are just too many unknowns out in the world for me to have to worry about your breastfeeding comfort over my child's well being.

0 16

Say that again, Roberta!

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13 6

My son is almost 4 and I never even thought of not bringing him with me. There's no reason for him to go by himself in the mans bathroom and very good reasons to keep them with u.I would say round 10 would b a good time to let him go in the bathroom by himself though even then I would b freaked out bout nt seeing my baby :)

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0 0

Both my boys are 9 and 7 they have swimming every tuesaday night! They don't like going in the family/school changing rooms as there are no cubicles! I take both of mine into the ladies with me, and they both get changed in cubicles! My eldest is Adhd so it will be a while before he is able to go in lens changing rooms on his own!!

0 0

Got the wrong end of the stick! My boys come with me to the loos. Sometimes they will go in together into the gents! My eldest is ADHD and will stick to me like glue! At times if really busy which can cause problems, I nip him into the disabled loo! While I get the looks as he is has no visual disability!

20 7

I'm a mom of 2 daughters and just recently a son. I'll have to admit- I never liked the moms who came in the washrooms with their sons- if they seemed BIG enough. I mean -CLEARLY, we live in a sick,sad world- but it seemed as if these boys were getting an eyeful. I always see them looking around really curiously as if they were trying to see something they were'nt supposed too. My son is and I take him into the washroom with me- if there isn't a FAMILY washroom. but I say to him cover your eyes and I announce that I'm bringing in a little boy. My son covers his eyes and I lead him into the stalls once he's out he washes his hands and covers his eyes and we walk out. I have let him go into the men's room, once their wasn't anyone else in their and he had to talk to me the whole time and tell me exactly what he was doing. I also told him to use the 1st stall and close and lock the door behind him. After reading these entries, I will be more sympathetic the next time I see a BIG boy in the women's room.

3 10

it is a bit nerve racking but I have a 9 yr old and I just started letting him go into some places alone. Never at a movie theater, mall or other place with too many people. I still tend to position him carefully in the ladies room where I can see him at all times and his view maybe limited. Plus with boys once they have the ewwww factor it time to go to the mens room most times... but guess what suck it up lil man and keep your eyes down. its a preference only a parents nerves can tell when the time is right.

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25 37

My son goes to by the restroom by himself SOMETIMES and he is 7. It depends on where we are and both of our comfort levels. When he does I prop the door open with my foot and we talk the whole time. That way I know he is safe and he feels like a big boy. The other men in the bathroom may not like it but so far I haven't had anyone complain(most of them leave smiling because they think its cute).

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0 24

I do the same thing, my son is 9. Once I yelled in b/c he stop talking and a man walked out trying not to laughing and told me my son was single handedly keeping the hoard of soap bubbles at bay, so he went back in and got him for me. He must have been a Dad. But if I don't feel comfortable with the place (busy or large venue) he most certainly will go in the women's with me.

25 37

LOL! keeping the hoard of bubbles at bay! what a boy! That is so cute!

10 10

I'm a single mother and my son is 3. He goes into the stall with me. I usually wait for the bigger stall. I'd never let him go by himself. If his uncles are around he goes into the men's room with them. There are way too many creeps out there. It is not worth the risk just to avoid stares from people who obviously do not have children.

1 7

i have 5 kids 4 of them are boys an the oldest is 10 they all go to the womans bathroom with me an they have to go in the stall with me as well we have to go in the handicapped one but idc they are safe that is all i no haha

0 27

My 4 yr old grandson will NOT use the men's room without a relative until he's big enough to Kick some . . . I don't care how old he is. He's still scared to death of the auto-flush so he'll hold it thru a whole movie until we get home.

0 0

luckily Singapore has a Wheelchair restroom in most of our shopping center. We had never see any mum bring any boy to the women room.... they will always go to "Wheelchair restroom" which either men or woman can use it! :) now my son is only 3...but thanks for sharing your story and your view!... will take note of that when we were oversea and when he get older! :)Thanks mummy!

0 0

Call me cynical, but I trust no one, and am thrilled to see all of the moms who are like minded. Absolutely better safe than sorry!!!!

0 2

Thank you all for sharing your thoughts. It helps a lot.

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