at my wits end with my 9 year old. Having to tell her things over and over again, and she just doesnt get it.

Jennifer - posted on 08/23/2012 ( 5 moms have responded )




My 9 year old daughter has serious problems focusing and remembering to do what she is told. I really am at my wits end. She is in 4th grade, in gifted, and does really well academicley. I have to have her brush her teeth almost daily 3 times before she gets it right, brushing her hair isnt easy to do either, always looks as if it is 1/2 brushed. If I try to brush her hair for her it has so many tangles in it. She just doesnt care or think about her appearance. She has been diagnosed with ADD, since focusing on her home issues is a concern. Shes been told to make her bed, clean her room daily, but everything just doesnt seem like she puts forth the effort to do a good job. I talk with her and tell her to take pride in what she does and take care of her appearance or other kids will tease her, but she just doesnt get it. I need some advice, I just dont know what to do.


Chaya - posted on 08/24/2012




Write it down on a chore chart or a responsibilty chart. Every day you must: List what those are, brush teeth, brush hair. (It may be that she needs conditioner if her hair gets tangled)

Write down those things that she needs to do every other day, like clean the hamster cage, for example. If she can do each thing each day, she may go swimming or you'll go for a bike ride with her, or whatever. If you reward good behaviour, she'll be more willing to do it than if you punish bad behaviour.

The reality is that 9 year olds don't always listen, it's the nature of being a child

Cherie - posted on 08/25/2012




Ok, first don't panic. She's 9. She is doing fine at school and is in fact in the gifted program so something is definitely right. Her focus is on learning which excites her so the mundane is just that, mundane. My daughters were told that if they couldn't take care of there hair it would be cut short to make it easier for them (and me). They all opted to take care of long hair, though occasionally I had to repeat the threat. At 9 reminders to brush the teeth or take a bath are not abnormal. This is part of being a parent. If your daughter is not having focus issues at school I'd have to wonder about the ADD diagnosis. I think that we are too quick to put that on a child and medicate into submission. It may just be a need for more metered parenting. By this I mean giving one task at a time. Kids don't like to do chores (this is normal, not a medical condition) but as parents we know that this is the building blocks to becoming a responsible person. Monitoring younger children on tasks is important to helping them learn. Each child is different. Enjoy the tasks and challenges ahead and be patient. She will grow out of this stage and grow into many more wonderful and also frustrating stages to come.

Nicola - posted on 08/24/2012




My 9 year old daughter was diagnised with ADHD. Its really hard as a parent or a teacher. She was diagnosed back in 2007.

Its been a journey of trial and error. For me as a parent, getting knowledge on her condition as well as changing my attitude has helped her. Yes times are tough, but working out strategies to empower is pretty much the best suggestion that i can offer.

She has consequences, but a symptom of ADHD is impulsivity, disorganisation and distraction. So i assist her.

1. Shes more orgsnised with a tidy room and limited stimulation. Her hair brushes, detangler spray etc have a special spot.

2. She has a simple to do list. I still have to lead her to do most of the things on it, particularly in the mornings.

3. I try and redirect any of her negative self talk with encoragement to her help her focus on being capable and responsible.

Theres a lot of other things that parents can do, ive spent a fair amount of time researching because shes a beautiful little girl, its really not her fault as its a condition that a lot of kids can grow out of.

Its really hard i know, and i wish you and your daughter all the best x


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Trisha - posted on 08/24/2012




My daughter is 9 and gifted and going into 4th grade. She's often this way. Recently, she agreed to have her hair cut. She just did not have the patience to brush out the tangles herself. When I did it, she'd scream and cry that I was hurting her. She just needed her hair shorter!! Now it is shoulder length and she actually does brush it herself. However, she hates washing & brushing her teeth. I really don't know what all the fuss is about. I tell her, you are starting to get stinky and I'll have to wash you if you won't do it yourself. When I have to end up doing that, she will get with the program for a while. She is better with her teeth since she's been going to the orthodontist, they seem to have gotten through to her that if she neglects her teeth, she will lose them. I'm told that she will grow out of this!

Michelle - posted on 08/23/2012




She is 9 most 9 year olds are like this, my niece was like this at that age so was my son and my friends little girl. Hygiene doesn't really start to come into play until about 6th grade when they want the boys to like them or vice versa. Just keep reminding her she will get it eventually. As for the tangles in her hair see if you can get a product called tangle tamer or a spray in conditioner I use it on my daughters hair and it helps a lot we don't have near the struggle with tangles my daughter has ringlets so gets tangles all the time.

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